I miss watching vtubers... I hope I can come back to them soon. Lately I've been binging old vods, but it's so hard to watch those, too. Things have changed so much since then... it hurts to hear them talk about the future. To talk about each other. Some of my old comfort VODs are basically Chernobyl for my emotions, and others are just gone, period. I hope one day someone reuploads all of Ike's VODs to youtube in an unlisted playlist. I know they're on that archive, but not being able to watch them on youtube is frustrating.
The fan communities are ghost towns anymore, too, and posting anywhere but anonymous corners of the internet about EN is just an invitation for harassment. I want to support everyone, but it has become draining to do so.. But, I know that as hard as it is for me as a fan, it's even worse for them to deal with the constant abuse, and that only makes me feel guilty for not doing more, even though I know I can't really affect things one way or another. Hearing Ryoma cry has had me upset for days... it's beyond frustrating that these talented people who doing their best are treated so badly for things that are out of their control. I'm sick of the constant negativity of the vtuber "community" as a whole, and how even if I only engage with the vtubers I enjoy watching, it's still impossible to totally escape it. It's miserable. But even having said all of that, I still love EN. I'm here for the long haul.
Apologies for sadposting. I was just struck with a pain in my chest a moment ago... back to the VOD mines I go.