>>9908 >What album cover is this ? It's Gris' 'Il était une fôret'. Depressive Black Metal, quite theatrical. Not exactly a fan of metal in general, much less stuff with such harrowing and vulgar lyrical content but, I find that there's a strange and hopeless grandeur in this album. >Your mom taught you well. Simply means you are have grown beyond your social circle. Thanks Anon :) I always felt very self conscious of this trait of mine. My mom's a real fighter, came from a really fucked up household. She taught me a lot of good things. >Imposter syndrome is normal anon. All you can do is work towards it. Talk is cheap. Action is not. And action though requires more effort than talking, it feels more fulfilling too. My biggest flaw is procrastination, constant daydreaming and, my inability to stop overthinking. Not exactly unique but, it is crippling. Thinking of a better life, but feeling too scared to do so and you just daydream about it instead. It is something I have to fix, somehow. I will shut down the part that always overthinks and just, do shit. It's my only way out to the path I want to be on. >Nothing. The only meaningful conversations are ones you have with yourself. Really? I always felt overly conscious about it. I was always told by others that conversations with yourself, are a general way to developing full blown psychosis and schizophrenia. But, you said that true motivation comes from withing and never from outside. I guess that's another flaw of mine, I always keep my plans to myself and never speak them aloud, lest I get hurt or scolded. >Why do you think about how the world will see you ? What is the reason ? I'm not sure either Anon. Maybe it's because I feel like a hollow, sensualist and material shell rather than a being. I always want to not be a failure and I fear being hurt or brutally scolded or manhandled again. I did stupid shit when I was younger and I still have scars from it. >You cannot force it. Simple as that. Visit temples. Read texts. Listen to satsangs. Find what makes sense to you and why. Then go deeper into that idea. I see. My family is always into a strange idea of, taking stuff too literally, almost to a point of near ultra-orthodoxy. I mean sure, Muslims tend to be even more strict but I find that, I don't feel like my parents are too different from them either when it comes to beliefs. I was always told as to how the other Mathas are inferior to Advaita Vedanta. But I was never told about the constructed philosophical arguments that Adi Shankaracharya composed, to prove his points against the Buddhists and Jains, if that makes sense? Almost, too literal in their meaning, it feels Abrahamic in a weird way, even though they pride on themselves to not be like Christians, Jews, Muslims and so on. >These things are tough to express without sounding like a druggie hippie. The Grateful Dead isn't a bad band, at all. My biggest fear isn't to look like a painful, clueless hippie but rather, an annoying ISCKONite who genuinely believes that Vishnu is an avatar or Krishna, if that makes any sense. >Hackernews is better. I have not used it in a while sadly. I see. I don't use it though, given the fact that it is behind CloudFlare and, said service doesn't work on GNU IceCat. I also browse without Javascripat enabled so, there's that. I tend to use TOR for posting here though. I'm relatively interested in keeping my anonymity and privacy secure because I had been groomed online, by creepy women years ago and I practically doxxed myself by revealing my face, everything. I don't want to ever get manipulated like that again. I never make accounts for this reason. I fear that Linux Mint is also tracking me. I want to completely stop browsing all social media and, anything that uses something similar to CloudFlare and isolate myself, lest I ever be found again. Again, stylometry is a thing but, my aim isn't to find better social media or forums. My aim is to stop using anything that has trackers. I however, still fear that my writing style would be a massive giveaway. >Picrel is Krishna. He is not jacked with 6 packs etc. Men of different kinds, each of them have their strengths and uses in the world. I'm aware that men of different kinds have their own uses in the world. Men have a little bit of the feminine in them and, women have a bit of the masculine in them too. I just happen to have much more femininity inside of me than on average, and I'm trying to accept that. However, I feel like I've internalized certain expectations. I want to be more, pretty and have longer hair, soft skin and more, flamboyant expression or hell, even fucking dress up in girly clothing for all I know of. However, I'm not allowed to do so due to religious expectations and the desire of a certain 'masculine respectability'. I can't grow my hair, shave, get dolled up or do other stuff like that since I live with my parents, because I work a poorly-paying job. I don't have much autonomy but hey, at least I'm not a neckbeard or some whacko fetishist. But, my idealized self was never some macho armyman who happened to be jacked, malkhamb enjoyer at all. But rather, an educated, academic aesthete. But again, my family and relatives say for the protection of masculinity in Hindu Dharma, it is important that I be very masculine to preserve traditional values.... I don't know how to feel about this. I feel emasculated since people online always talk about long stories of how strong, Muslim men are abducting Hindu girls and, I feel ashamed in my lack of physicality, my frail physique, my interest in western stuff and my latent sensual tendency. I feel castrated. Like, I'm less of a man by doing so. My biggest insecurity though, is the fact that I fear that I will end up marrying a woman who will laugh at me, call me a fag and, treat me as lesser or, be thoroughly disgusted by my sensual, effeminate self. My mother's insistance on early marriage isn't helping me to alleviate my fears of inadequacy and degeneracy. I do love Krishna though, he's both wise yet playful, and has a graceful quality to him. I've always been a Krishna bhakt. >Age doesn't matter outside of basic mental development and talking in meaningless terms that kids invent.

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I see. I just felt that by being a younger person here, working a shitty dead-end job. I felt that my sheer presence here would disgust you people here. I felt, ashamed of posting my feelings here, especially since I always feel tracked and watched by the internet and computers. >>9912 >I'd think the right way of going about things would be to consolidate ideas that you like and taking part in them, until you get good enough and grow confident. It might be out of touch with what others get up to but, who gives a shit? Ideally, you shouldn't. You're saying, that I'm free to do whatever I want in life? That, I don't have to be embarassed about my interests and, try to consolidate ideals and stuff I like? I mean when I was a kid, I always feared studying or even affection. I feared that if I got praise at first, it would turn to scoldings and beatings later on, since I was constantly bullied hy others. I guess, that's why I always retreat and hide my ideas, because I feel that my very existence is going to inconvenience others. >>9913 >Being shameless or disconnected is necessary for achieving anything. So, don't think of what others are doing or thinking.... Just, do it? Is that my biggest problem? Is that it?

>>9918 > Gris' 'Il était une fôret' I love me some good DSBM. So far this album is fun. > constant daydreaming and, my inability to stop overthinking. Not exactly unique but, it is crippling. Always be doing. Karma'ing. Thought -> Action -> Feedback from action Rinse and repeat. Don't worry about the end goal. < Conversations with self Work will take care of this. External world noise and responsibilities will silence your inner voice. Still take 20 mins or so daily to sit with yourself. > Always want to not be a failure What you did when young doesn't matter. Kids experiment and do stupid shit. As an adult, your outcomes and the fate is not in your control. So just let go. Since you express interest in religion, read some texts. Your doubts are very basic and answered already. The books are cheap too or even free.

>>9918 > My family is always into a strange idea of, taking stuff too literally, almost to a point of near ultra-orthodoxy. Classical Hinduism needs updating, smritis for the current post Industrial age we are in now. Generally, Gurus are supposed to do this. I don't like the Sadhguru type faggots at all. > an annoying ISCKONite KEK. It is a step conversion for lost druggies and stupid people. > GNU IceCat Try Librewolf, it balances security and practicality better. Icecat will make your IP standout and glow in dragnet databases. > I want to be more, pretty and have longer hair, soft skin and more, flamboyant expression or hell, even fucking dress up in girly clothing for all I know of. However, I'm not allowed to do so due to religious expectations and the desire of a certain 'masculine respectability'. Way more common than people think. A gay friend made me aware of it. Moving out and away from family will help you. > say for the protection of masculinity in Hindu Dharma, it is important that I be very masculine to preserve traditional values Dharma is to be practiced, your dharma is based on your traits. Not everyone needs to be a physical kshatriya. Modern warfare is as much memeatic and psychological as anything else. More importantly, it may or may not be your dharma. > I feel emasculated since people online always talk about long stories of how strong, Muslim men are abducting Hindu girls It is all a psy op. Not to mention, people who do stupid things, win stupid prizes. > marrying Whom you marry and where you live, are the 2 most important decisions in your life. It is important to learn to judge a potential partner so as to not fuck that decision up. I cannot stress this enough. We don't discuss dating as a strategic game enough on this website. > by being a younger person here, working a shitty dead-end job WE were all that at some point and some still are. No harm in it. It is a phase we go through. > So, don't think of what others are doing or thinking.... Just, do it? Literally Yes.

>>9459 Called home. Parents pissed at my joblesness. I said I want to come home. They don't want me home. They want me to keep working and keep sending money home. Pretty disgusted right now.

Weird.dream. Was.typing to you guys and wife. As war was going on between India and US and then China and India dropped nukes on each other. In was outside Bombay and saw the planes. Ran inside though I wanted to see the cloud. Laptopnand phone are.emp safe. Had water saved and some food.. Heard the first shockwave outside and though in was safe, electricity gone. I was going to be bored AF.

Strange subreddit I found. https://old.reddit.com/r/GoodGirlsCommunity/top/?sort=top&t=all I can't tell if they're being serious, or of it's a fetish sub for women, or if it's a fetish sub for men LARPing as women. They capitalize their husband's pronouns ("I love Him so much and He is my entire world") which i found to be strange. >>9949 Kek at pic #2. In pic#1 maybe the training dataset should have been something other than posts by chuds.

https://chillphysicsenjoyer.substack.com/p/youre-a-slow-thinker-now-what >>9969 > Subreddit Maybe it is performative or maybe these women just need some comfy posting. Women are not like men when it comes to comfy stuff or lack of it. Modernity is worst for women than it is for men (the irony that feminists brought us to this point). > Pic 2 I feel like Pic 2 in social situations. I wish I had a grenade.

God, I'm feel tired. Just living, barely counting another day in your existence, then pray for the hours to end and then feel inevitably bad at the end of the remains of the setting day. I no longer keep track of dates. Actually, I haven't kept track of the dates since years now. Even when I was trying to finish high school, and during my degree too. I'm tired of having to live out my remaining days. There's nothing in life that is truly worth waiting for. No lasting satisfactions, not a single feeling that truly cuts deep though your body and cleaves it open in lasting and memorable pain. I am tired, people are watching me. The CCTV chink shit cam at the local thela, the surveilance at the local supermarket, the UPI pay that everyone uses, the copy of my retina and fingerprint in my biometrics that is now in some babu's server in the form called 'Aadhar'. I can't root my phone and delete shitty google and the dehati chinkware from it. It always watches me, even my mom's phone listens in to me. I'm tired of having to work a dead end job, I'm tired of the few hoidays I do get and the constant sick leaves I have to take that I don't get paid for. My health always fails, and the days get wasted by me just the same. I sit alone, away from everything else and pray nothing ever comes that requires me to think. I intentionally sleep less than 5 fuckin' hous a day, just to intentionally feel sleepy, numb and half-comatose the next day. I don't want to feel active, the little joys I make are only fleeting. I don't want to feel because I know no true feeling will never cleave me open and radiate in every nerve and neuron of my brain. I once spent a year barely on 4 hours a day, sleeping at 4 a.m. aand waking up at 8 and sleeping at the professor's lectures because I wanted to kill myself and not exist during those days. I've never known a me ever since, even when I'm happy. My memories are all blurry and fried up. I just want to run over someone in a car, kill someone, rape someone, send a knife through someone's neck or go all MAGAtard and go shoot up a place and hear their screams like how the average American thinks workplaces and schools are designated shooting streets. I want to rape a fucking foid wide open in public, I want to fucking fap with my dick out in public completely nude. I want to see someone squa and die. If some spoilt politician's son can do it and get with a small fine or even and essay, but I know I would never be able to get away with it. I can't. Can't, won't.I just want to taste blood, whether it's my own or whether it's someone else's, I don't care. I can't keep it in all the time. I want to rage pure fucking mayhem and cruelty like a werewolf, howl at the moon. I'm tired of being another pathetic dead-end wagie who is semi-NEET anyway. The world is a cruel and terrible place and I am fucking frightened by how I am not born in some shithole in Ukraine, North Korea or Somalia,instead living a relatively comfy nigger life. Every living creature, every person on this earth subsists on cruelty, malie and pure hatred like how the children of parasitoid wasps feed within the bodies of living caterpillars. What good karma did I do to even deserve such a comfy life? God, I wish the fucking glowies and RAW agents who know every move of mine just fucking snipe me through the neck or through the fucking brain stem so that I know that they are done with me, I'm tired of the knowing dread that they are always looking at me all times, that they know stuff about me even I dont't. I'm tired of them constatnly waiting and surveiling me, I just want them to come up and get me. I can't kill myself because I will be born horribly the next life if I did so and, I barely have any karma to my credit. I fear god and I never pray because I know such a deity would truly be disgusted by the thoughts I harbour. I tried punching against a wall today, but I am fucking disgusted with myself because my hand always pulls back before I can truly hit hard on my knucles, like a fucking female. I won't cut myself because it's for fucking fags, tumblrina/twitter white nationalist anorexic teen girls who dye their hair blond to get some mid white guy and attention, DSBM tiktok fags who don't listen to any other black metal other than I dunno, Sadness? And emo fags who cut for aesthetics, and redditors. I have more respect for 4chan /tttt/ fags than cutters because there's an occasional legit schizo there. I have swelling over a vein of a knuckle after punching but it doesn't even give me satisfaction. It doesn't cut and cleave open my soul. I feel drained and empty. God, if I wasn't a fucking female-level of menestruating pussy in terms of schizoness, I would have actually shattered my knucles but even then it wouldn't be enough. No level of pain feels like it affects me, it passes away after a while and it never gets into my guts. I want to end this pathetic cycle of existence like a schizo, not a pussy or wimp. >>9969 Tradwives. Possibly the biggest psyop known to mankind. A lot of them are unironic alt-righter MAGAtards, Qtards or, cryptofeminists. I remember a big expose on Shitter when one of the most famous tradwife accounts happened to simply a basement guy with a severe porn addiction and another famous account happened to be a whore grifter with an OnlyFans account. >>9973 >Maybe it is performative or maybe these women just need some comfy posting. Women are not like men when it comes to comfy stuff or lack of it. Modernity is worst for women than it is for men (the irony that feminists brought us to this point). Mate, I remember once unironically having a Tumblr just a few years back. A lot of girls and LARP accounts. They pretend to be a whore little good girl so that they can avoid all responsibility (I've seen the top posts, they scream DDLG fetish) and say "I was so baddy daddy, please punish widdle me" so that they can deny having a severe porn addiction and, the responsibility to grown up. Assuming they were't all E-girls or men LARPing. They ain't legit. My experiences were before these tradwife porn accounts blew up. Don't trust bitches.

>>9976 I understand. You have been in a deep spiral for a while from what I understand. Your job has been shit for a long while < Work on CV, even if you make just 1 meaningful line daily, it is enough. < Feels will come and go. There is no point in letting feels decide your action. < Sleep is paramount, without that your judgement is fucked. Getting out of this cycle will take taking back control of your time, getting out of react mode. It is very tough and I understand it. Have been through such phases myself, in 1 case it lasted years. > Tradwives and performative females I ignore internet trends generally. Because internet behaviour is signalling. There is nothing real about it. I am not disgusted by Signalling, but the fakeness does nothing for me. I am interested in meeting real people and hearing real things. > DSBM Tiktokers LOL I did not know this exists.

>>9977 >You have been in a deep spiral for a while from what I understand. I wouldn't call it a spiral in the stricter sense. Its rather a series of 'on and off' if anything it could be called. I have been going though this since high school. Feel empty and suicidal a d then go back to normal again. It comes and goes after a whilw. >Getting out of this cycle will take taking back control of your time, getting out of react mode. It is very tough and I understand it. Really? How? I have been feeling on edge all day today. In the afternoon I could feel my heartbeat spike up like crazy and beat i.n my chest. My mind was just screaming for fucking murder and that I am being watched by spyware and glowies. I had to stop myself so hard from starting to strangle someone in my workplace today. I wanted to set afire, explode or shoot out and entire fucking place my mind was screaming like a werewolf for it. > Work on CV, even if you make just 1 meaningful line daily, it is enough. I see. I feel sad because I wasted all opportunities when I Was younger. Now, i have a mediocre degree and no extremely qualifications such as Cisco web, Garp, internships . Nothing. I feel scared and disappointed and worried I sometimes feel everything is watching me and not even something like phones but like, the porcelain washbasin and tap water is tracking me at times. Its rare and doesn't happen often but still. Even if I'm not super depressed or in fight mode, i still have no zeal or will for life However, I am even more scared because I fear that I will be laid off soon and become NEET because I have been taking so many sick leaves and i already have cut pay and my breathing issues are flaring up again and I can't fucking breathe or sleep properly. Want to rub salt and lemon in a cut open wound but cutting is for fags and I can't just burn skin because the scars are hard to hide >I am not disgusted by Signalling, but the fakeness does nothing for me. I am interested in meeting real people and hearing real things. I see. Can understand but i dont have many contacts in real life. So I spend all my life online. >LOL I did not know this exists. You go outside unlike me, this is a good thing. < Feels will come and go. There is no point in letting feels decide your action. < Sleep is paramount, without that your judgement is fucked. Will se anon. I'm too breathless and coughing to sleep rn since I can barely lie down without ny throat feeling like it's shutting right and sinking down at the moment.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/CONOP_8888 This is too cool. >>9980 Sounds like you need medical attention. Will reply tomorrow in detail.

>>9976 >surveillance It's going to get worse when the govenment babus finally bring DNA sampling in india. They'd probably take newborns' DNA samples and link them to Aadhar IDs, not jut the one for the newborn, but for all his relatives. Then they can pull up genetic information about any person in the country, of course this will be for "law enforcement purposes". Not even organizations in the West have been able to keep law enforcement hands off the data they collect (stupid stuff like 23andme. I can not believe westoids sometimes. "Let me send a DNA sample to a random company so I can know if I have genes from XYZ country"), in India it's going to be expected of the government to have access to al the data and use or misuse it in any way they want. We're really fond of taking things from the West, but not before stripping off everything that makes these things good in the slightest. And once the stripping is done, it's forced down the throats of people. It's going to be like Truecaller, you may choose not to install it, or have escaped from it somehow, but once anyone who has you saved in their contacts installs it, that's as good as installing it yourself, now your number is in a private directory without your permission and random people can look you up if they want, and you can barely do anything about it. Well at least truecaller has a function to remove your number, or change your display name, which works sometimes and requires you to install the app first i.e. hand over your contact list and then they will think about removing your name from the public registry. >violent thoughts sometimes I feel like beating people up would also solve my problems. >Google and Android Why can't you do it? It's difficult, a lot of apps would refuse to serve you, and you will be on your own - no bug reports, no security fixes. But it's not impossible. >rape Tangential but it's stupid how people completely shut down at the first mention of the word. Bunch of free thinkers always looking to deplatform people who don't think the same way as they do. It's a terrible crime, but it's not voldemort. It truly disgusts me how they censor words like rape and murder, even on websites which have absolutely no rules against the full spelling of the words. Not just because it doesn't let you see the entire gravity of the crimes, but because it's an obvious attempt at pandering to some algorithm on Twitter or Instagram, that pandering taking higher priority than actually talking about the crime - and shows you how dumb the person is for doing the same thing on reddit. Reddit had an ask-a-rapist thread, which grew very fast and then the "but muh wammen!" people shut it down. God forbid anyone question the rape of a woman. Indeed, the only channels you need to get your information about rape from, must be approved by the mainstream. No, you cannot listen to what the convicted rapist said. Of course, he'll downplay his crime. But that's no reason to censor people. You can view a few remnants of the thread here. https://www.reveddit.com/v/AskReddit/comments/x6yef/reddits_had_a_few_threads_about_sexual_assault/

>>9980 So serious answer - Try allergy pills to see if you feel better on them in terms of breathing. Normally the simplest cause these days - Try sleeping with your back and head at a slightly raised https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC5012822/ - Idk what insurance etc you have , but it is worth taking time off of job, getting this fixed and coming back. Talk to your boss or HR about it. If they don't agree then it is not worth continuing anyway. >>9982 > Censorship Left started this BS. Words are violence but violence is not violence > sometimes I feel like beating people up would also solve my problems. Getting a hobby that is similar to this, really really helps. Karate/MMA/Hunting etc is nice. Even woodworking is satisfying.

>>9980 If it is auto immune then it is more complicated and could also be triggered by stress.

Yesterday was such a shitty fucking day. Today was tiring but better. Still so much to do. Life is unrelenting. But business is better than nothing. My wife made me happy by getting a ton of papad. Microwave and papad is great stress snack

today's list of awkward moments is the longest of such list in years. Largely unrelated to each other. Funny. >>9984 >Left started this BS. They started censorship of one kind, but it looks like they are also against the censorship of words in social media, if only because if the severity of these crimes is dampened, they can't cry foul as loud. >Getting a hobby that is similar to this, really really helps It's fun, but not in that sense because you're not really allowed to hate or be angry at your opponent. It's usually friendly. >woodworking Kek I'd rather not have a hammer in my hands in that mood. What does help me when I'm feeling angsty is a lot of food, sleep, or overexerting myself in cardio. The first time you do intense cardio in a considerably long time - and push yourself too far, you have zero energy to be angry after you're done. I used to be asleep before my head hit the pillow back when I started doing cardio (now stopped for a year+) Apart from this being unrested or having acidity makes you think weird thoughts and do weird things so the sleep and the food helps. And a shower/bath.

My biggest fear is that like the protaganist of Tartar Steppe, my moment to shine will never come. I wasted my time in preparing for exams and getting good scores, growing smart etc. Now all of it feels pointless. Like a soldier, whose battle will never come.

>>10001 Violence is cathartic.

>>10006 It makes me feel even weaker. In that you're angry at something or someone, or hate yourself because of something you did or didn't do. And now you want to beat up someone. Who is this someone? Not anyone responsible for your anger. Someone else. So now you're weaker for being slave to your emotions. Its worse if you're violent or throw words at someone who is close to you. You're taking out your frustration on someone who is probably one of the only ones who will take your shit - because you're too pussy and no one else who has a spine.

>>10007 Words are not violence. Violence is violence. Though i agree. Losing your rational self to anger is impotence.

>>10009 Kekekekekek

Post humanism Communist cities UBI Banking criss Holy shit its all here. Going yo wake up early and withdraw tomorrow

Arrattai messanger actually doesn't have 3rd party trackers. Atleast for now.

I want to have money so I can buy a small warehouse kind of space. - Own a 3-Printer - Own a lathe machine and tools - Have tons of wood and concrete - Have a nice Gayming Pee Cee - Own musical instruments that I want Instead I am in a shared apartment , with little to no control over my life or time. I know the smoke is bad for me, but it is all I have right now.

I am very dissatisfied with where I am in life right now.

>>10016 It's basically impossible to buy anything that touches the ground in any of the big metro cities unless you are already very wealthy. What do you intend to make with the lathe and the 3d printer? What instruments do you play? Personally I'm a sucker for iron and I hoard anything made of iron. Solid iron is best, but sometimes all you can get your hands on is sheets and spring kind of things. The heaviness of iron cannot really be overstated and it just feels so good to handle. I'd been hoarding chain-sprocket pair from an old motorcycle, tie rods from car, and timing belt and pulleys (although they are made of aluminium, a timing kit is a momento - 1L km or however many years.) But I let them go, eventually.

>>10019 I don't want to stay in metro area. A small town will be fine for me. > What do you intend to make with the lathe and the 3d printer? - My own plantation system - Tools and weapons - My own musical instruments - Moulds for cement so I can pour cement in shapes I want. > What instruments do you play ? Bass and Acoustic guitar Tabla Keyboard I am fully self taught. But my marwadi family hates music. So I am a closeted musician and living away from family , so I have some space for myself. But job sucks, so all my time and energy goes into that. I want to get a Sitar too, but a good one is not cheap. I love IRON too anon. I have a cast iron pan, that someone threw away and I restored using lot of cleaning chemicals and a lot of sanding paper. It is my most prized possession. I hate that everything modern is built with cheap materials, with no love in it whatsoever. Cheap plastic, weak bricks, toxic paint and very bad metals.

>>9459 Kek. I almost uploaded my cv here.

Weird developments in my life from sagas spanning multiple iterations of Indiachan. >friend that betrayed me is still in my life, but now somewhat sidelined. He's gotten better but after a few more instances his presence is minimized in my life. Wish him the best but I don't want to deal with him and I don't trust him, simple as. >Mexican receptionist from 2 or 3 years ago reached out to me bizarrely. Still had a crush on her after all these years and we talked but it quickly felt like I was doing all the heavy lifting and have stopped. Nice to have some closure on a what if that had been bothering me for a few years. While she is hot, the personality and distance made me realize it wasn't worth the emotional labour. Still wish her the best, no hard feelings. >leg is starting to feel better. Was near 100% from May to June but I reinjured it. Feeling hopeful. >leaving Canada. All waiting on my leg to heal but it will happen in the next few months. Not sure for how long but it increasingly feels like forever, if not physically then mentally and in a more existential sense, spiritually. To Germanon, sorry to hear about your family members passing. Grief is the best indicator of love after the fact. Hope everyone is doing well. I don't intend to post that often anymore, I've reached a point where most of my thoughts stay internal and I don't feel a need to harmonize or disharmonize with the state of the world. I've started to find peace inside myself, and I've realized that's the only goal worth pursuing in life because everything else comes from it.

>>10029 I actually remember these posts. We had so many good conversations. Do keep posting even if not as regular. I understand not needing to express anything. I myself feel similarly, but keep posting because this is the last place I exist online as myself without any filters. As for dead family, mine is a very tragic family. I don't know what the future holds for the clan. I have done a lot, more so than I can. I have followed my dharma. Eventually life is tiring. Its nice to have a place like this where I indulge in my own thoughts and ideas. Which is why I say, you should keep posting. As for Canada, well, I like the country, but it had been sold long ago. You are getting out at the right time, before shit really really hits the fan. I cannot stress than enough.

>>10029 < Mexican receptionist from 2 or 3 years ago reached out to me bizarrely. Still had a crush on her after all these years and we talked but it quickly felt like I was doing all the heavy lifting and have stopped. Nice to have some closure on a what if that had been bothering me for a few years. While she is hot, the personality and distance made me realise it wasn't worth the emotional labour. Still wish her the best, no hard feelings. The Gen Z term is attention farming. Men and women that were not raised so well, have a higher need for attention than normal people. Such people are a very bad idea to be friends with let alone date. < friend that betrayed me is still in my life, but now somewhat sidelined. He's gotten better but after a few more instances his presence is minimised in my life. Wish him the best but I don't want to deal with him and I don't trust him, simple as. The number of good friends I have dumped for similar reasons, it is sad but also necessary. I also changed and grew in time. But as life got harder, i had no time and space for people I couldn't trust.

My writing has gotten bad. I need to fix this. >>10020 Do share your work.