I just kind of fell into it over time, but during COVID it really got out of hand for me.
>unrestricted internet access as a child
>looking at porn regularly by the time I was 10 or 11
>always had at least a mild interest in interracial stuff for aesthetic reasons
>literally the "I just like the color contrast" meme
>and naturally big dicks are hot too
>probably fair to say that I had a legitimate porn addiction before too long
>by the time I was around 14 or 15 I started getting into sissy hypnos and all the baggage that comes with that, and had more deliberately begun seeking out interracial porn, rather than incidentally
>turns out I'm a bit of a faggot
>find myself on the tranny pipeline
>started stealing my mom's clothes to crossdress
>bought my first dildo on Amazon around my 16th birthday
>some cheapo, probably cancer-causing rubber one, but I remember specifically choosing it because it was big and black
>degenerate little me used to bounce on that piece of shit in front of a mirror while wearing skirts and panties and leggings and heels (that didn't really fit) that I pilfered from my mom's room when she wasn't home
>I found a bottle of lube too (though she was single, and I still don't really know who she was using it with, but that's another matter)
>Fast forward a few years and I'd just slipped deeper and deeper into a pit
>dropped out of college after high school, lived the NEET life for years
>never had a gf (or bf), only left my house probably a half dozen times a year, lost any sense of self esteem I might have had, etc
>just stayed home all day, playing video games and looking at porn
>had basically gotten into every fetish under the sun
>amassed an obnoxious collection of dildos for somebody with no job, whose only income was allowance from mom, with whom I still lived
>when COVID hit my life actually didn't change dramatically compared to most people, but that is the point where I first caught wind of some of the more specific blacked fetishes, BNWO stuff, and all that
>by then a lot of the sissy porn I'd been watching had begun to overlap more and more with blacked porn
>and after a few years of percolating, I'd become fully convinced that I wanted to be a girl more than anything, but I was too afraid to commit and start HRT
>interracial porn was being spammed on the regular on 4chan, where I spent an unhealthy amount of time
>on a whim I posted my discord tag in one such thread
>joined a few BNWO discord servers too
>as somebody whose only sexual experience as with their hand and rubber dicks, suddenly being messaged by total strangers to talk about the most degenerate shit imaginable was a really nice change of pace
>even being sent (or ESPECIALLY being sent) unsolicited dick picks was insanely hot
>in a weird way, chatting with other weirdos made me feel a lot less alone, as my only real human contact for a number of years at that point was my mom
>before long those spaces had completely warped my porn consumption
>as much as "delete all your white porn, only fap to black dicks" seemed like an amusing diversion, it actually became reality
>in a few months I'd more or less conditioned myself by accident to only really be into blacked stuff
>white dicks legitimately just didn't really - and still don't - turn me on anymore
>I literally fucking Pavlov'd myself
>in the subsequent years my interracial fetish has just gotten more specific and often extreme
>I don't really mind at all though, but I'm still super lonely and have like zero self esteem (which my porn-addled brain has actually started to sexualize in itself)
>still haven't started HRT, as much as I want to
>still fantasize on the daily about meeting a blacked gf, or even working up the courage to get blacked myself (or some combination thereupon)
Mucho texto, my porn addicted fucked with the dopamine pathways in my brain and now non-interracial porn doesn't even get me hard.