>PLAYAN
Whatever my little budget PC can manage to play. I downloaded LISA The Pointless to tide me over a little while since my PC is broken down and packed up. Maybe something from my GoG library otherwise.
>WATCHAN
Let's plays.
>LISTENAN
Rally/house mixes.
>READAN
Self help books.
>EATAN
Leftover pizza, frozen dinner if I'm still hungry.
>DRINKAN
Cider, a couple tiny liquor things my friend gave me.
>FAPPAN
Probably not on this fucking air mattress.
>FEELAN
Tentative, excited? Currently two days away from moving out, going to spend a week or two at a family member's while me and a friend wait for a unit to open up at this place we applied (and were accepted) to. Spent the last couple days moving stuff and clearing out the place, and frankly I'm very grateful that friend was here to help since I had more heavy stuff than I thought, ended up buying him a pizza to take home as payment. Also excited to be paying about 300-400 dollars less in rent each month, so long as I manage to not blow it on stupid shit like drinks and food I'll actually have some disposable income to build a PC with and pay off some more debt.
I'm also eager to move out since I first got this place when in a relationship, and even though it's been a while since it ended it still feels hard to distance myself and forget about it, mainly because the only person who really came over was her. It's hard to let those memories fade when just being here reminds me of them, doubly so since it was my first "real" relationship and in turn a big motivating factor for getting an apartment in the first place.
I've been reading a lot of self help books and trying to get outside more often because those memories keep creeping in, it feels like my first reaction was to just block them out and distract myself with drinking, games and porn. My brain keeps going over what went right and wrong but especially some of the things she said at the end, and how she said it felt like I "wasn't trying hard enough..." despite working full time, spending time together almost every day and literally speaking every day and night over calls. A lot of the time it feels like no matter what I do for anyone, it's never enough.
But those are just words, and my feelings are just thoughts. Challenging them is hard and trying is what makes life worth anything, in the end. It'll be much more enjoyable having a roommate, if only so there's someone else to snap me out of a funk since I fall into one so easily when alone, but also because he actually likes vidya and movies/anime/tcg stuff like I do.