Full update on state of things:
Figuring that the problems plaguing the site are the result of a bad database after deliberation and consultation with the dev of OSP, we moved to test this theory on watch.8ch.moe by using a fresh DB. The stress test went well, but we've migrated the "bad" DB over to the test site and it hasn't exhibited the expected issues as of yet. This could be because it takes a few days for these issues to begin presenting or this could be because the DB isn't actually to blame--at least not solely.
Taking this opportunity to rule out another potential cause, we dismounted the S3 bucket from 8chan.tv and the issues we're all aware of seem to have immediately been resolved. This seemed very unlikely and we believe further testing is necessary, so we'll be leaving both sites up for a week or so. Please use both over this duration for testing purposes and take note of any connectivity issues. Are things stable across the board? Do they get worse? We're looking to see if this is just a temporary stability or if it's more permanent.
What we'll do moving forward depends on this upcoming week; we may nuke the site and start fresh to rule out anything like a config problem if issues persist and we may contact the host if things don't improve after that. We'll see what happens and move from there.
Lastly, both Codexx and myself would like to offer a sincere thanks to everyone for their patience and willingness to help support the site by acting as testers. It's genuinely really helpful.
Thank you.