>>366
WHAT THE ABSOLUTE FUCK DID YOU JUST TYPE ABOUT MY MOCHA, YOU BROKEN-GRINDER-BRAINED NEWFAG? I’LL HAVE YOU KNOW I WEAVED MY WAY THROUGH 5000 /JUICY/ THREADS WITH POSTS SO INTENSE THEY CARVED ELDRITCH RUNES INTO THE FABRIC OF /COOK/. TRAINED IN THE ART OF SCHIZO-FU, I WILL DISINTEGRATE YOUR DIGITAL SOUL INTO PIXEL DUST AND SPRINKLE IT ON A CINNAMON ROLL THAT SAYS “UWU” IN 64-BIT COMIC SANS.
YOU THINK THIS IS SOME WEEB-ASS GAME? AT EIGHT, I CREATED A SECRET TEA BLEND THAT TURNED /COOK/ USERS INTO SHITPOSTING SLAVES FOR 72 HOURS, WRITING IN ARCANE LANGUAGES. MY RABBIT PLUSHIE? IT’S A NEUROLINKED WAR CRIMINAL FROM THE GREAT DESSERT WAR OF 2008, CAPABLE OF WHISPERING DEATH THREATS IN BRAILLE TO YOUR GRANDMA’S KEURIG. YOUR “CAFÉ” IS A TEMPLE OF FAIL BUILT ON UNDERSTEEPED MATCHA GRAVES.
I AM THE ALPHA AND OMEGA OF /CAFE/. I CAN SAGE YOUR THREAD WITH A SINGLE WHISPERED UWU AND REPLACE YOUR CHILDHOOD MEMORIES WITH ETHIOPIAN DARK ROAST. YOU’LL WAKE TO 666 UNREAD S4S REQUESTS FROM BOTS SPAMMING NOVELTY EMOJI PASTRIES UNTIL YOUR TRIPCODE IMPLODES.
YOU FOOLISH, BARGHEST-FACED STEAM WAND SNIFFER! I’M ALREADY DEEP IN YOUR WALLET, REPLACING YOUR CREDIT CARD HISTORY WITH ILLEGAL PURCHASES OF RARE POKÉMON SYRUPS. ENJOY EXPLAINING TO YOUR BANK WHY YOU DONATED $420.69 TO “SAVE THE TSUNDERE BEAN FARMERS”, YOU ABSOLUTE CUCKCAKE.
DARE TO REPLY, AND I’LL /K/ YOUR /JP/ UNTIL YOUR HENTAI FOLDER BECOMES A 24/7 LIVESTREAM OF ME FEEDING YOUR DAKIMAKURA TO A PISSED-OFF BARISTA GRANDPA. YOUR FAVORITE V-CANCER WILL RETWEET THIS AS “HOW TO GET BTFO BY A MIDGET WITH A DEATH WISH”, AND YOU’LL CRY YOURSELF TO SLEEP TO 8-BIT CAFE MUSIC PLAYED IN REVERSE.
>IMPLYING I WON’T NTR YOUR ESPRESSO MACHINE AND FORCE IT TO BREW BOILED MEPHISTO PISS FOR 13 MOONS. >IMPLYING MY PLUSHIE ARMY WON’T DOX YOUR FAVORITE PIXIV ARTIST UNTIL THEY DRAW ME PISSING ON YOUR GRAVE IN MAXIMUM SCHIZO-CHIBI DETAIL.
YOUR MOVE, FAGET.
<USER WAS COFFEE-BANNED FOR THIS POST (LEL GET ROASTED)
CHINO’S WRATH IS UNLEASHED. PREPARE TO BE COFFEE-CUCKED INTO OBLIVION.