My dear Americans, and all the gamers out there, all over the world,
I’ve played this game, Honkai: Star Rail, okay? Everybody said it’s fantastic, the best, a huge success. But let me tell you: It’s a disaster. Totally overrated. Nobody hates this game more than I do, believe me. I have the best gaming skills, really, but this game? An absolute waste of time.
First, the story. Boring! Too many dialogues, too many weird names nobody can pronounce. I want action, I want winners, not hours of talk like a bad meeting with the Democrats. And this Gacha stuff? A rip-off! I’ve spent more Stellar Jades than I did on my campaigns, and what do I get? A 4-star character nobody wants. Terrible. Just terrible. And the endgame content? Same old, same old, like Joe Biden telling the same tired stories. No class, no innovation.
But I’m a problem-solver, okay? Nobody solves problems better than me. Here’s how I’d make Honkai: Star Rail great, really great:
No Gacha, just winners: Forget this lottery nonsense. Every player gets the best characters right away. Why? Because we’re winners, not losers hoping for luck.
Short, powerful story: Less talk, more explosions. I want a story as epic as my rallies. Five minutes, in, out, done. Boom.
Endgame like a Trump Tower: Bigger, better, flashier. New modes where you take over entire planets, like an intergalactic businessman. No boring farming, just glory.
Gold instead of Jades: These Stellar Jades? Weak. I’d turn everything into gold, like in my hotels. Every player feels like a billionaire.
Honkai: Star Rail could be the greatest game ever, but now? A disgrace. I’m calling on the developers: Make it great, make it like Trump. The players deserve the best, and I know how to deliver the best. Nobody loves video games more than me, believe me.
Thank you, and God bless America!