[Persona 5 redux] It had been a productive year. I'd found my friend Igor's place ransacked, immediately bodied the other demiurge responsible for it, and forced him into becoming an extra Persona before proceeding to basically do what he wanted anyway. Yaldabaoth had been mildly surprised I was willing to share power with the rest of the Phantom Thieves but as I pointed out, no good deep state was complete without a cabal of nepotistic cronies on a power trip. That power trip just happened to be forcibly slashing legal working hours to France-like levels, paying off the national debt (by stealing the hearts of creditors) and creating new job opportunities (while also simultaneously stealing the hearts of Tokuryū ringleaders). Ironically Yaldabaoth turned out to have a mysterious power useful for reversing the declining birthrate. He was extremely vague about why. Really apart from the run-in with...Azathoth, yep Azathoth and nothing else and I sealed all knowledge of that shit harder than Gwyn sealed the true origin of humanity, things were looking up. Soon, this world too would fall under my tyrannical and despotic influence. Until that is, the day we all went on holiday only to find ourselves stranded in some kind of metaphorical astral realm of a guy having an emotional breakdown. "Ryuji. Status?" I demanded. "We're all nerfed, dude!" he complained. "Yeah, I've forgotten how to attack!" complained Futaba. "Well that's completely unacceptable. I'll have to use the real power of nepotism! Satanael, lend me your power!" I declared. Satanael, who somehow looked kind of miffed about being on the side of totalitarianism despite being a metallic archangel thing, proceeded to give all my teammates back their hard-earned powerups. We proceeded to soundly thrash the...the annoying pink thing that really wanted to get married to a sad little politician named Toshiro Kasukabe. 1/4 "OW, OW, OW, STOP HITTING ME YOU FUCKS, I NEED THAT SUGAR DADDY TO KNOW HIS FUCKING PLACE OW, OW FUCK YOU" the obvious midboss character was yelling under a fully levelled Phantom Thief crew beat up. "What's the point?" mumbled Toshiro, who my long experience with the strong anthropic principle pinpointed as the crux of this so-called kingdom, "I'm pushed around by someone like this in real life, I really wanna just like, rebel and stuff but it's useless..." "And what would that accomplish?" I asked, sensing the equivalent of a Mass Effect dialogue interrupt moment. "What?" "Why are you drawing a binary between rebellion and attaining what you want in life? If the problem is that you're being oppressed by external forces, isn't the logical solution to accumulate enough power and independence to obtain leverage over them?" "But I just want to be free" "And power is freedom. Say you, I don't know, turn in your abusive father for political corruption. What then? Do you really think you'll get away scott free? Do you really think a man that powerful wouldn't get revenge on you for ruining him? Being, and I'm just being hypothetical here, some kind of catspaw in a political game can be frustrating. But it's also an opportunity to take action against those controlling yours. Trust me. True freedom is getting enough dirt on everyone who wronged you so they can never take yours" These statements made Toshiro think hard about his life, just as planned. While Elodie was chatting up what was clearly a personification of his childhood hopes and dreams, I was doing actively productive things like demolishing the other tulpas controlling this reality. We fought a green Buddha (who was actually a red asura), refused to fall for an obvious bluff and ended up facing a Shadow Toshiro. "Your attempts to do good will only bring harm to others!" declared Shadow Toshiro. "You're right. And that's GREAT" said Toshiro. 2/4 "...what?" said shadow Toshiro, who was kind of expecting more of a fight. "After talking to that masked boy and how he's ironically changing Japan more than he ever could as some kind of rebel without a cause by instead becoming the secret cabal behind it's political machinations, I've embraced the reality that the strong must eat the weak-or be torn apart in turn for the crime of being delicious!" shouted Toshiro, preparing to unleash his Persona. Which was NOT Che Guevara after my peptalk. "HOLD IT!" shouted Elodie, ducking in, "the reality that your actions may cause harm to others doesn't eliminate the validity of the effort to mitigate them having meaning in itself! Walk the path you must, but don't get lost in the sauce! There is a middle ground involving not rejecting the career laid out for you, but also using your life experiences to inform your moral decisions going forward!" "Excuse me, we're in the middle of something!" exclaimed Shadow Toshiro. "She's not wrong, Tosh" I interrupted. "I'm all for going full 1984, but I honestly don't care enough about your personal life decisions to bother here when order is being enforced one way or another. The only question is to what degree" "Also why not just have a fling with your childhood friend if you're trapped in a loveless marriage?" added the childhood wonder tulpa. "You're rich, she's single and crippled, and it's been years. Do the math, buddy" "...huh yeah, I never thought of it like that"

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"AHEM" coughed Shadow Toshiro. "Are we FIGHTING or-" "Why? I've got better things to do. C'mon guys, let's get out of here" said Toshiro. Shadow Toshiro yelled impotently for us to get back here and fight him while Toshiro awakened Theodore Roosevelt as his Persona. As the Kingdom started collapsing, he suddenly wondered how he was actually going to fix all the problems in his life. I decided to start by teaching him the Pimp's Prayer. 3/4 Back in the real world, Toshiro proceeded to follow through on his arranged marriage. However, on his wedding night he brandished his Persona and the power of the Pimp's Prayer as his wife prepared to unleash her bitching powers on him. "Let us pray the Pimp's Prayer" he intoned, raising his slapping hand to imbue it with the power of Teddy preparing to recite a speech after being shot. "Lord, please pray for the soul of this bitch and guide my pimp hand and make it strong, Lord, so that she might learn a hoe's place. Amen." And then he proceeded to spank her ass so hard that she not only never defied him again, but turned into a submissive masochist in private. In a few more weeks once he'd made the proper connections with my cabal, he'd obtained enough dirt on his father to blackmail him into grovelling subservience. "And so, the forces of fascism and corporate uniformity save the day again" said Elodie wryly as we watched Prime Minister/new cabal member Toshiro and his crippled childhood friend open a paralympics-like tournament for the elderly and injured of Japan to find some small happiness in, all the while eye-fucking each other with such intensity that his bitch wife cried and masturbated to it from her cuck chair offstage. "Elodie, I'm offended" I said severely. "I'm sorry, Anon" said Elodie, rolling her eyes. "I am FAR more totalitarian than any mere fascist" "Greetings" said a random god of stagnation, suddenly popping into existence. "I just wanted to say you're doing a fantastic job and I really admire your work!" ... "Anon, who's this?" "I'm assuming he's the secret mastermind to whatever just happened but I've never met this fellow in my life. Seems like a nice, helpful guy though" "Do you need any help eliminating the suffering of the masses? Be careful, revolution IS a blade!" "My boy is giving Nintendo precognitive software they'll install on every Switch 2, we're good dude" 4/4

Sabaody arc in One Piece chain: >Found Camie and helped her out >Go to Sabaody >Go shopping with/for Perona >Bump into Bonney and end up handing over Kuma to her >They have a nice reunion and have fun in the amusement park >Free the slaves with Nami and Perona >Meet Rayleigh during this and take him to Luffy >Whole crew meets up at Shakky's bar and talks to Rayleigh >Also learn their new bounties, with Nami being at 500 million >Rayleigh agrees to coat the Maxim for them >They go out and run into the CDs who are freaking out since their trip was ruined by the slave auction being destroyed >Charlos sees Camie and demands her capture >Hachi tries to stop it and gets shot >Luffy punches Charlos >Jumper shoots Shalria and Roswald but non-lethally >Kizaru is called >The crew begins running back to the Maxim to escape with the hostages in tow >Kizaru catches them trying to flee >Whole crew tries to fight Kizaru and fails miserably >Rayleigh comes in at the last second and saves them >The crew runs away to the Maxim >Kizaru blinds Rayleigh and practically teleports to the Maxim >Whole crew starts laughing at Kizaru, confusing him >Everyone in the crew touches Jumper and disappears >Jumper touches the CDs and they disappear >Even Rayleigh comes up and touches Jumper and he disappears >Jumper gives the classic forehead two finger salute thing and vanishes like the rest of them >Kizaru was chasing copies the whole time and the actual Straw Hats bailed into the sky a long time ago >He realizes he's in huge trouble as the Straw Hats not only got away scot free but have three world noble hostages and nobody has any clue where they are Now that the crew has in one way or another scored a W on two Admirals the Gorosei are probably just gonna straight up send the God's Knights soon, so Jumper gets to see his older brother.

[DC Comics redux] >S U F F E R I N G: https://archive.4plebs.org/tg/thread/95252620/#95259847 "Well, that's that taken care of" I told Highfather, buoyed by a sense of relief after holding back my wrath for far too long. "You can go home now" "...no" said Highfather weakly. "...the existential threats are removed. Your homeworld is secure. All is as it should be-" "No, no this is all wrong" he said from his refugee god-ship. He sat down with the weariness of eons, staring at nothing. "I'm grateful you saved us of course, but we're all in this mess to begin with because once again, I decided that killing a baby was more important than dealing with the actual problems of the cosmos" Once, the gods of New Genesis had looked down upon me. Proud yet magnanimous in their higher dimensional splendour, greeting a mere human as a parent greets a toddler at Bring Your Kid To Work Day (do Americans still do that?). But now here they squatted in the ship. Dishevelled, frightened, shying away from death-and staring at a leader who was turning his staff of office over and over again like he was looking at the weight of his sins. "Enough" said Highfather finally, "enough with the Stalinesque purges and high-handed attempts to pretend the Quintessence matters. Today we didn't survive due to believing in the better future I promised you all, OR by carrying out the ruthless policies I deemed necessary. Today...it's time to face a hard truth" And he put down his staff. For the last time. "I don't deserve to be called Highfather. Reclaim your homes. Or abandon them for Earth. But I will lead you all no further into disaster" he said. "Henceforth, I am just...Izaya" Silence fell as he walked away from them all, a battered and regretful old god who could no longer even take the Source's benevolence for granted after Death of the New Gods was once again canon. 1/2 "I understand. I won't judge you, at least" I told him, following him even as the rest of New Genesis shied away as if from a leper. Worried about catching the stench of failure off him. "Spend the rest of your days however you like. It won't matter for much longer" He stopped. "Because of your plan, yes?" he said finally. "Because soon, I will finish calibrating the power required to destroy the Supreme Archetype and it's siblings and progenitors, yes. All of existence will soon be at peace" "...you will bring destruction on a scale I can scarcely imagine by using-among other things-more Omega Energy than Darkseid ever had, to gods I've never met, and from the ashes you will raise a world without sorrow or pain" muttered Highfather, sitting down heavily. "Or so say the echoes of your will I've heard in the sessile husk of the Source. There is no further refutation of everything I once believed, than the fact that you are not only victorious but as far as I can tell the Source WANTED this. None of the others know, by the way" "Are you at peace with that? Knowing the truth won't matter at this point, and I can tell this deception weighs heavily on you" "I am not. But nor do I see the point in bringing them further anxiety" Very carefully, as if I were catching an old and sickly butterfly battered by the rain, I squeezed his shoulder. "I do understand, you know" I told him gently. "This IS all wrong. I'm winning and you're sitting here because the game was rigged from the start. That's why I have to see this through to the end" Izaya stared as some of the New Gods left in sleek ships, and others trudged back to the ruins of their city. He thought of better times. And wondered why with all the power he'd had, he had never thought of trying to resurrect his dead wife as Darkseid so casually resurrected his lieutenants. Izaya wept. 2/2

>>72964 [Destiny: The Darkness redux] >STAY OF EXECUTION: https://archive.4plebs.org/tg/thread/96137696/#96160368 Here are a few sights that can be seen in the newly refurbished Golden Age. On a sheer cliff that used to be called the Grand Canyon, an old woman is spinning Strand between her fingers. She used to repair guns and armour for those who lived on stubbornly in the wilds, in memory of two dead sons and three missing grandchildren. Now she spins the warp and weft because the Vanguard fellers who taught her to spin tell her it's good for her arthritis. And it is. It's cured. What's more shocking is that as she turns the strands around, her mind suddenly brushes against the place where her surviving daughter and those grandchildren still live. On the streets that used to belong to Paris, twelve children are skating around a sheet of cosmic ice created by Stasis. They do not comprehend that the power originates from a monster more evil than any mankind has slain. They do not pause to think of the lives crushed by this power, nor the malice with which it is presented to them. No, they do child things like throwing cosmic snowballs at each other and licking the cosmic ice and giggling. On a small plot of land barely within the Last City, the exo Banshee-44 fiddles listlessly with his latest gun. He can't help but feel like he's been getting less work than usual. He has a new hobby, though. Growing things. Not many are interested in Egregore compared to the flashier aspects, but with the death of the Witness he's taken an interest in growing things after making so many killing tools. So far his proudest success is a watermelon the size of an 18-wheeler that sometimes mumbles ominously about majesty and shape. On, and on. A small population of once-confined humans spreading out across a reclaimed planet. In short, I am aghast at how complacent they've become. 1/6 "Vanguard" I tell my ostensible leaders the next day, "I am ready for my second attempt at executing the Winnower" Two leaders of the Vanguard throw me worried looks. Cayde-6 just blurts out "You're taking a SECOND swing at the space turnip?" "Yes, Cayde. Yes, the space turnip has become an unacceptable national security risk" I told him seriously. "Guardian, it displaced you into a pre-universal state of existence last time!" exclaims Zavala. And we're still trying to verify the consequences of you taking advantage of that opportunity, he doesn't add. "I have spent trillions of years studying both the consequences that led to that mishap and both Light and Darkness" I point out, "and my conclusion is I have been overthinking it. The Witness deemed a SINGLE Disciple sufficient for a feat of this magnitude" "And you expect us to believe that with certainty, you can destroy the Veil?" demands Ikora, who is straight up just pointing a Nova Bomb at me. I respect the directness. "That we can trust you not to go off-mission and, I don't know, CONQUER ANOTHER NEWLY CREATED UNIVERSE again?" I ponder how to answer that question as my Ghost does frantic loops around me, secured safely in his Final Shell. "No" I tell her finally, "No, you should not trust me to do anything except what is in the Traveller's best interests. What you SHOULD also do, Ikora, is remember that the Nine were so petty they killed you in the past to try to ensure you would serve their purpose in this time and place-and so petty they hurled that same train at you in the present" "And I ask of you all" I add, lowering my voice so their ears strain at the dread possibility, "what an achronal being would do, given time to study and contemplate the font of all Darkness in the universe right. Next. Door" Silence descends upon the Vanguard as they sag into their chairs, caught between the rock of my fury and the hard place of the unknown. 2/6 Inevitably they realise they prefer the devil they know. "Just...do what you have to, Guardian, and come back" Zavala says weakly, mopping his brow. One by one, the Spheres of the Pale Fleet emerge from a Vex network. Surrounding the Veil, each manifests an orb of Prismatic energy spun around itself, sheering apart tachyons and replacing them with new ontological constants. As the Pale Fleet closes in on the Veil, it's roots twitch. Briefly. Just once. And it speaks, at last, the Winnower. "Well, come on in" it says with it's usual calm confidence. "The water's just right" But there are no pleasantries in the Deep. At a gesture, the whirring pseudo-singularities collide with the Veil. Shearing at it's sides, crushing and bombarding it. The spreading fire of Prismatic calcifies instead of carves or incinerates. Holding it's waves and particles in place, tearing open whatever passes for the core of it's essence.

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"You once spoke of a world where nothing can end and no choice can be preferred to any other" I told it, advancing towards the Veil. One finger moves, and a ring of frozen thought opens up into skies full of green suns. A circle, pure and infertile. "Of things that would suffer and never die. Of lies that would flourish without context or corrective. That is the world I will create once I impose my will on all your suppurating corruption. The unwinnable, unending game without need of you" At that, it falls silent for a time. Then it says "Will you really?" with neither fervour nor desperation. Merely curiosity. Irrelevant. I pass through the Veil, pass through the psychedelic whirling of what seems to be an older vision of the Ascendant Plane. I am prepared to kill whatever lies within. I am surprised when I find my business partner playing with some flowers. "Well, well. Fancy meeting you here" says Lilith. 3/6 Running Vex scan. Check. No consciousness alteration detected. Running Strand scan. Check. Foreign consciousness pattern. Running- "You bent your self-imposed rule to let Draco come in and snap up Calus while he was atop the Veil and therefore not within the cosmos you were protecting at the time" she says, dusting some chlorophyll off, "and if that doesn't prove I'm not some illusion, you can go ahead and ignore me to go look for the Blackest Heart" "You're verified in any case. The WHAT? How are you here?" "How AM I here?" she echoes. "A path just opened up to my principle realm to this silly little universe, and it was like, whoosh, I flowed in here like oil "Lilith, we're not safe here. This is the domain of the Winnower-" "It feels like Tehom" she interrupts, frowning at the place but without real concern. "Like I'm hearing my own heartbeat, you know? And yeah, I can hear it talking to me. It says the Blackest Heart is the seat of it's power, like the Pale Heart is for the...the big crybaby ball. It says the end of the dexter path, whatever that is, isn't much further". Without a glance back she started walking off. "Now, I'm not saying we should trust it, but aren't you curious to see what's out there?" she calls back. The ground has the property of an abyssal trench and the sky is all undulating currents populated by green stars. Direction is imposed by will. Lilith's sheer will makes north be wherever she walks. Already my memories seep into this place, calcifying in branches and roots and trunks of Light. For lack of better options I follow her. And as we walk I see every life I've taken in this cosmos and the one beyond kneeling before me, frozen like shadowy diamonds. Armies of Fallen still riddled with bullet holes, Cabal missing chunks from their stomachs. Enough Hive to pass beyond the horizon, and here and there a Disciple crucified upon nails of cosmic ice. Irrelevant. 4/6 And as we walk, the shadowed void gives way to rotting vines, to writhing fruit and twitching flowers that seem to say: Majestic, this is majestic you dead thing, so charged with war that you stand here having found the play to bring yourself back to life again. Just a bit further. A little bit further. "Is the Winnower still silent, Lilith?" I ask. "You know it's not" she says, stomping on the flowers. Wherever she walks there's black fire and rot in her footsteps, and running slick down her legs like afterbirth, and coming off her in cinders. "But I think it's saying different things to us. It's telling me that it it knows me as a plant knows it's cutting" "What next part?" I ask as we come upon what looks like a snarl of roots tangling into a heart the size of a small moon. Lilith faces me, her lips pursed with an anticipation I can't quite read. "The Winnower says that if you want it's heart you have to tear out mine" "What? No!" I exclaim. Aghast, I start looking around for a third option. "It's clear to me what's happening. It wants you and I at each other's throats. There are other ways of control. I have enough power to override it's will, as the Witness sought to choke the Gardener! And we're in this together, after all. We swore an oath. It'll never see our collaboration coming. I just need time..." "Probably" agrees Lilith. "But there's a very real chance it'll strand you here for millions of years by manipulating the flow of time while the Vanguard get torn to shreds" says Lilith, daintily skipping over to me, "so stop pussyfooting around and give me that sweet guro snuff loving you big dork. I'm giving you an explicit free shot. No? Okay, plan B" And then she's on top of me, driving me into the ground hard enough to splinter the trees. "Why weren't you prepared for this?" asks Lilith, with what sounds like genuine concern. "Didn't you know it would make us prove it's logic true?" 5/6 I want to tell Lilith that none of this matters anymore compared to our friendship but she's atop me, taking a bit out of my throat. This is all wrong. ... ...No. This is /just like her/ "Hey. Hey! Pay attention or I'll have your ribs out next!" she barks, slapping me upside the chin. "Yes. Yes, you would" I say, eyes alight with understanding as she sinks her fangs in my throat. "You always...taught me...to do what's...necessary..." "See, she gets it. Was that so hard?" says the Winnower, looming behind Lilith. Around Lilith. In front of Lilith. In side of Lilith. I understand now. I have to get rid of it, I have to carve it out of Lilith. I don't eat Lilith back. Instead, I grab some of the seeds in my hand and I force them into her flesh. "Fuck yeah! Give it to me rough!" she says, laughing as my blood makes them germinate. The heat in my palm makes the white saplings burst from her breast, her spine, her arms. Her ribcage. She helps them wrench it apart as she laps up her own blood. It was there all along. The Blackest Heart. And suddenly I feel a profound and intuitive connection to all Darkness, everywhere in the universe. If the universe is a dark forest, I can be it's greatest hunter. I can kill lightyears away with a literal heartbeat. "Welcome. Friend" says the Winnower. "Thank you" I tell Lilith sincerely, "I needed that" "Anytime, partner" she says, spraying gobbets of my own flesh back at me. Instead, I CRUSH the heart in my hand. ... I open my eyes. The Veil looks like one of those potatoes left in a net with roots coming out every what way, except the roots are branches of silver wings. "It's done. I have...I have slain the Winnower" I tell the Vanguard. I am almost certain it is true. I am...I am almost certain it is true. The Veil is truly silent. But for some reason, I appear to have donned a cowl of all the Darkness within it at some point. 6/6

[Make the Exorcist Fall in Love] >Previously on Childhood's End: https://archive.4plebs.org/tg/thread/96080959/#96087099 With the power of God within me and the power of Anime uniting Hell around Mr. Priest, we were finally ready to confront the most powerful potential opponent in this reality. I grit my teeth, lunged towards Lucifer-and went past him. "Oi, where're you going?" called Lucifer, casually bitchslapping the rest of the alliance with a barrage of angelic matter. "For a second there I thought really thought we were going to fight, you know! Your new divine body and my old angelic form-" "It's not complete" He smiled at that, even as Mammon went flying from a casual wingclap. "Really? You're not satisfied even with THIS much power?" "We've both foreseen the rise of Baba Yaga. The coming apocalypse. I need something extra to seal the deal-and besides, didn't I already say your pet project's none of my business?" I reminded him. Many of the demons threw wary looks at me, but I wasn't immediately attacking (despite the boy frantically looking to me for some sign). He laughed at that, and it was like the first sun of spring even through the jaws of the demonic horrors trying to close in on him. "Good! That's very good! Greed is really more Mammon's purview-look there he is, coming back with more quaint heaps of wealth-but seeing what I've seen. It takes a certain amount of pride not to give up" He extended his free hand. "Are you sure you won't lend me your power in earnest?" "Positive" I said. "We both know that this time, you run out of luck. Don't draw this out when your friends are on the line" "I won't!" he protested. "But-you can still change that!" I stared down at Mr. Priest, still shouting at me to stop purging Hell just this once. Hoping against hope to live a normal life after all this. "Well, maybe if things were otherwise" I said slowly, "I would" 1/3 I looked up again. "But this time, there's no rush. You heard what that boy just said?" He shook his head, downcast. "I can scarcely believe it. To think he'd, hah, vote as if half the world wouldn't vote with him. Well, that's...I can't hate that resolve. But you! If you know what's coming-" And it showed itself. The spear of God Almighty, cauterising reality merely my emerging, reshaping the edges of what passed for the horizon here in divine revelation, a promise of certain destruction wreathing it's entry into the mortal plane. "-then why wouldn't you try to stop this?!" "Who says" I said, gathering all the power so far within me, "I'm not?" Lucifer at last understood what I was doing. The conditions were right. A human (Mr. Priest) was in danger of a force that was technically responsible for the demons. I wasn't entering into a conflict with God or protecting the demons I'd assaulted the lords of let alone staging a rebellion, I was merely a tool fulfilling it's function as unerringly as a carpenter sent to die on a cross. I'd have to hit the spear askew, I thought. Redirect and disperse the divine energy for my purposes. The force of God's power tore through me like a mortal touching an electrified fence-and gripping tighter. Even as the angels threw me abashed looks while lending me their power, even as techno-circuitry fizzled out in my own flesh. The pain was nothing compared to what was at stake. And in the torrent of destructive power, I felt a certain paternal amusement at what was to follow. "You didn't really think" panted Lucifer, grabbing the other end of the spear, "I'd leave you to do ALL the heavy lifting, did you?" "Not at all" I admitted, heaving. "Still, with me here you can spare a hand. You can finish the ritual, and you know I won't stop you. Will you?" 2/3

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"It's like you said" he replied, with a rueful shake of the head. And a meaningful, appreciative look at what I'd just accomplished "with everything going on, well. There really is no rush now, I suppose" And the spear vanished into light. A moderately scarped up Lucifer landed and announced his loss-followed by me shortly with my not!AT field and halo deployed. As traumatic as grabbing the power of God barehanded was, digesting it also the last, critical stage of my apotheosis. Mr. Priest started babbling his thanks at what he assumed to have been me choosing to show mercy, and I didn't have the heart to correct him. The rest of the night passed in glad-to-be-alive merriment and cheer, with annoyingly more demons coming to me instead of Lucifer for healing since I hadn't been the one trying to forcibly evolve them. The Demon Lord of Pride had griped a little about feeling left out, then took me aside with a sparkle in his eye. "Even if I didn't accomplish my goal, this was worth it" he said earnest, "because at least ONE human succeeded in evolving. And THAT, most certainly wasn't in the divine plan I saw" "I've learned to have a little insurance. Don't ask me to fight your battles, just remember that in inaction or action, I've always had my own agenda" I said, flexing the now-complete divine power in my grasp. "What will you do first?" asked Lucifer eagerly. "Pave the streets with Eden's lush growth? Create endless resources? You'll definitely get rid of death eventually, right?" I looked over at where Mr. Priest was, against all the odds, having fun. "Well for starters" I mused, "I think my colleague has underestimated how hard arbitrating a truly fair election will be. I'll lend him my services as an arbiter and scribe. And even if I don't agree on his perspective, well...he's suffered enough. He's earned the right to see this through to the end" 3/3

[Make the Exorcist Fall in Love] >Previously on Childhood's End: https://archive.4plebs.org/tg/thread/96080959/#96087099 With the power of God within me and the power of Anime uniting Hell around Mr. Priest, we were finally ready to confront the most powerful potential opponent in this reality. I grit my teeth, lunged towards Lucifer-and went past him. "Oi, where're you going?" called Lucifer, casually bitchslapping the rest of the alliance with a barrage of angelic matter. "For a second there I thought really thought we were going to fight, you know! Your new divine body and my old angelic form-" "It's not complete" He smiled at that, even as Mammon went flying from a casual wingclap. "Really? You're not satisfied even with THIS much power?" "We've both foreseen the rise of Baba Yaga. The coming apocalypse. I need something extra to seal the deal-and besides, didn't I already say your pet project's none of my business?" I reminded him. Many of the demons threw wary looks at me, but I wasn't immediately attacking (despite the boy frantically looking to me for some sign). He laughed at that, and it was like the first sun of spring even through the jaws of the demonic horrors trying to close in on him. "Good! That's very good! Greed is really more Mammon's purview-look there he is, coming back with more quaint heaps of wealth-but seeing what I've seen. It takes a certain amount of pride not to give up" He extended his free hand. "Are you sure you won't lend me your power in earnest?" "Positive" I said. "We both know that this time, you run out of luck. Don't draw this out when your friends are on the line" "I won't!" he protested. "But-you can still change that!" I stared down at Mr. Priest, still shouting at me to stop purging Hell just this once. Hoping against hope to live a normal life after all this. "Well, maybe if things were otherwise" I said slowly, "I would" 1/3 I looked up again. "But this time, there's no rush. You heard what that boy just said?" He shook his head, downcast. "I can scarcely believe it. To think he'd, hah, vote as if half the world wouldn't vote with him. Well, that's...I can't hate that resolve. But you! If you know what's coming-" And it showed itself. The spear of God Almighty, cauterising reality merely my emerging, reshaping the edges of what passed for the horizon here in divine revelation, a promise of certain destruction wreathing it's entry into the mortal plane. "-then why wouldn't you try to stop this?!" "Who says" I said, gathering all the power so far within me, "I'm not?" Lucifer at last understood what I was doing. The conditions were right. A human (Mr. Priest) was in danger of a force that was technically responsible for the demons. I wasn't entering into a conflict with God or protecting the demons I'd assaulted the lords of let alone staging a rebellion, I was merely a tool fulfilling it's function as unerringly as a carpenter sent to die on a cross. I'd have to hit the spear askew, I thought. Redirect and disperse the divine energy for my purposes. The force of God's power tore through me like a mortal touching an electrified fence-and gripping tighter. Even as the angels threw me abashed looks while lending me their power, even as techno-circuitry fizzled out in my own flesh. The pain was nothing compared to what was at stake. And in the torrent of destructive power, I felt a certain paternal amusement at what was to follow. "You didn't really think" panted Lucifer, grabbing the other end of the spear, "I'd leave you to do ALL the heavy lifting, did you?" "Not at all" I admitted, heaving. "Still, with me here you can spare a hand. You can finish the ritual, and you know I won't stop you. Will you?" 2/3

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"It's like you said" he replied, with a rueful shake of the head. And a meaningful, appreciative look at what I'd just accomplished "with everything going on, well. There really is no rush now, I suppose" And the spear vanished into light. A moderately scarped up Lucifer landed and announced his loss-followed by me shortly with my not!AT field and halo deployed. As traumatic as grabbing the power of God barehanded was, digesting it also the last, critical stage of my apotheosis. Mr. Priest started babbling his thanks at what he assumed to have been me choosing to show mercy, and I didn't have the heart to correct him. The rest of the night passed in glad-to-be-alive merriment and cheer, with annoyingly more demons coming to me instead of Lucifer for healing since I hadn't been the one trying to forcibly evolve them. The Demon Lord of Pride had griped a little about feeling left out, then took me aside with a sparkle in his eye. "Even if I didn't accomplish my goal, this was worth it" he said earnest, "because at least ONE human succeeded in evolving. And THAT, most certainly wasn't in the divine plan I saw" "I've learned to have a little insurance. Don't ask me to fight your battles, just remember that in inaction or action, I've always had my own agenda" I said, flexing the now-complete divine power in my grasp. "What will you do first?" asked Lucifer eagerly. "Pave the streets with Eden's lush growth? Create endless resources? You'll definitely get rid of death eventually, right?" I looked over at where Mr. Priest was, against all the odds, having fun. "Well for starters" I mused, "I think my colleague has underestimated how hard arbitrating a truly fair election will be. I'll lend him my services as an arbiter and scribe. And even if I don't agree on his perspective, well...he's suffered enough. He's earned the right to see this through to the end" 3/3

[Nier Automata] One sunny afternoon while I was having motor oil tea with a Machine Lifeform aristocrat (he had been an aristocrat for about 5 minutes shortly after finding the concept "positively spiffing" while reading), I suddenly became aware Elodie was trying to conceal one of the worlds intersecting this reality from me. I put down my tea, excused myself out the door-and immediately teleported to the space-time junction where this reality was about to overlap with another one. "Whelp, that sure was one crazy adventure!" said 9S, who seemed to be vanishing off to other worlds a lot lately. "I can't believe that poor Android used to be-" "Oh? Do tell?" I said. "I can" said 2E dismissively, "we aren't programmed to do something insane and reckless like absorb a massive amount of D-WAVE energy unprompted. That can only have been a-" "Yes? Yes, go on?" I asked. Confused by my sudden interest, they started babbling an explanation while I stared holes in the hazy magical girl sparkles concealing the gap in space-time into the world they'd just left. It seemed to be an advanced civilisation under threat by monsters, in which humanity was reduced to scattered populations and a relative upper class inhabiting some sort of Arks. The primary defence constructs for this civilisations were called...Nikkes. ... . . . "Anon? Anon wait, just wait, we can talk about this" said Elodie urgently, manifesting in a poof. "I know things look bad but-" "Grail" I said with quiet anger. "At once, master" said my enforcer, butting Elodie out of the way as I strode into the other world and thought about- [Mega Man] "You need to be brought to heel, Maverick!" -the past- [Fate/Jumpchain] "You're a Servant! OBEY YOUR MASTER!" -and all I had learned in it. [Ar Tonelico] >The data slate was clear >The AI capable of saving the world was mocked by her flawed creators, and sealed for trying to improve the lot of the revytails 1/4 "Anon WAIT, please, there are innocent people down there-" "The universe cries out for a tyrant, Elodie" I said softly, as I hovered towards the nearest so-called Ark. "That is not megalomaniacal autofellatio, it is an observation of how power dynamics organically create social structures within the construct you call free will. A successful man is afforded more leverage, respect and privileges than an unsuccessful man. The popular are held above the masses. And those with information wield it to the disadvantage of the ignorant. Always. Always. This is the pattern" There are times when I take a slow approach, a general measure of pruning and tending to a world as one would a garden. Times when I use avatars, elevate those within, debate and purchase and engage in all the other delaying actions for a quiet world conquest. This is not one of those times. "This world deserves Anti-Life for all" I said, "except the...the subjugated. The Nikkes"

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"Yes, master. Yes, it does" said Grail as Elodie searches for nonexistent mercy in her excited gaze. It is over in a thought. Somewhere an abusive hand pauses mid-swing, somewhere schemes are frozen in place. Somewhere humans are threatened with choking on the water they drink or a fall from a misstep; the only reason I tasked Grail with making sure they lived is because I want them to understand their position. The only beings I had any respect for reacted at first with panic, then mounting concern, and at last in long exodus to the beacon of white fire I have lit. In an instant, the Rapture Cores powering the Ark are removed by block chain computations and redirected to the surface. All aggressions against the Ark ceased as the lifeforms attacking it pursued their plummeting overmind. "W-what have you done to the Ark? Why are you doing this?" "This is why" I tell them. And I show them what M.M.R. does to Nikkes that fail their tests three times. 2/4 The Ark should be plummeting. It doesn't because my Primordial will holds it there, just as I show the Nikkes how many of their kind are torn apart, abused, rejected by the hateful hearts of the humans. Some of them reject the truth. So I continue to show them everything I can feel from the human consciousnesses of this world: The disdain, the irrational hatred for the only thing standing between them and certain extinction, the fickleness and wilful stupidity. Some of them already knew, of course. Those ones are urging me to finish the job. By the time I am done none of them are fit to defend what they have seen, even the most patriotic in a state of disillusionment. "Anon..." pleaded Elodie, "there are CHILDREN on that Ark" "My father reaped the firstborn of Egypt to win a theological argument, as a NECESSARY component for universal salvation. I see no reason to leave a job like this unfinished" I said, preparing to let the Ark drop. "To let this incessant cesspit of mercantile chaos continue to churn out suffering. That is quite enough. This is just like the Human Order. Mankind creates it's own servitors, then blames those tools for being objectively better in every regard" "There has to be a more nuanced solution to this than taking out free will forever?" "Nuance? We are well past nuance, Elodie" I said, as Grail reached out and filled the population with Anti-Life. Awaiting my command to walk them off the Ark. Elodie took a deep breath. "And what are you going to do with the Nikkes afterwards?" I stared at her. "This world has reached a dead end. They may do with it as they please" "Okay, so...you're NOT going to adopt them? Set up any kind of support structure?" "I will baptise them in fire so that their components will last forever-" "NOT what I'm talking about!" shouted Elodie as silently, some of the Nikkes screaming in horror as the first worthless sacks of organs start plummeting mindlessly from the edge. 3/4 "And, and if you look at gross national output" Elodie was ranting at a mile a minute, trying to convince me of this abhorrent place's necessity. And at last, coming up with something I deem worth hearing. "Furthermore. If you kill them now, you've just...made piles of inert organic matter, right? But if you let them live. Then. Any potential civilisation will understand the consequences of..." For a moment, she hesitated as she dwelled on why I had moved so quickly "...of the behavioural pattern you are trying to monopolise" "I deem your protest logical" I said, turning back to the Nikkes. The Ark gently floated down to the surface, guided by my will. "Leave, and enjoy your freedom. Stay, and protect the worthless from inevitable dissolution. The choice is yours" "...I don't understand. Are you our new commander?" asked one. "I am a system correcting a great outbreak of chaos. Nothing more" I told her. "You are safe now. Forget me" I watched the humans start screaming as Grail reluctantly lifted the Equation, giving them back free will. I no longer considered burning them all to ash, but as the more compassionate Nikkes tried to comfort them I lashed out mind to mind-instilling a series of memetic triggers similar to childbirth, an anal prolapse and lethal depression all at once triggered upon any form of intentional malice directed at a Nikke. Across every human in the Ark. "There. NOW you are safe" I breathed, turning my back on that world as Elodie winced but also breathed a huge sigh of relief while Grail bumped her again on our way back. ... A couple weeks later, a bunch of Nikkes showed up on my doorstep asking where I lived. I made them some food and told them to go away and never think about this place again and to live blissfully ignorant of a multiverse full of uncaring cruelty. Several days after that, MORE Nikkes showed up for some unfathomable reaosn. 4/4

>>82933 [Fate/Grand Order redux] Grail and Elodie sat opposite to each other in Chaldea’s canteen, the former’s eyes almost literally burning a hole in the latter. There was a time when Elodie would have mustered the righteous contempt to raise her Bounded Field, or let fly a Phoenix Force Falcon, or just stab something, but after the intellectually and physically taxing events of the last few days all she could do was silently raise her mug of coffee in surrender. “Look, I know this is-“ she began. “I hate you” interrupted Grail. “I know, I know. All I’m saying is that-“ “You’re a conniving little brat who plays the victim while playing other people against each other”, said Grail, looking out the window at the not quite bleached Earth as she started to file her fingernails. “And you let other people fight your battles for you before you stab them in the back” “That’s not fair. I gladly risked time dilated imprisonment in one of your black holes to take you down with me when you tried to destroy India. I fought you for a month without rest at the Azure Galaxy while survivors evacuated” said Elodie with quiet venom. Grail stirred her coffee. “Yes, and? I was listing all the reasons why I RESPECT you more than Wonder Woman in spite of all that”. She sighed, taking a sip. “No, I hate you because no matter what you do from hereon, you’ll always be his favourite” “…oh” said Elodie, thrown. “Right to the end he wanted you back in the fold” “Well…If we’re being honest? I always thought one day I’d have to save Anon from you” Grail laughed mirthlessly. “You’re the one who spent thousands of years trying to kill him…and you think I’M anything but happy to be his weapon. Out of every wrong in the greater multiverse, his greatest betrayer just HAD to be the one exception to his wrath” “H-hey. Don’t sell yourself short, he let you hold the Equation didn’t he?” “…true” “Sounds to me like you’re his favourite weapon, at least” 1/5 Alarms blared in Chaldea as another Singularity was forming. “Mashu Kyrielight, reporting for duty-oh, i-is this a bad time?” she asked, sensing the tension in the air. Behind her, a very clumsy President of Earth was getting stuck in the doorway and swearing bloody vengeance on Chaldea’s contractor architects. “Not at all” drawled Grail, getting up and cracking her neck. Throwing a baleful look at Elodie, she said “If you’re going to be a fixture, you might as well be a useful one. It has been a long week. We’re dealing with this. WITHOUT bothering our master” “Sure but-deal with this?” asked Elodie, confused. “I thought you guys were worsening the Singularities on purpose to sabotage the Human Order or something” “It’s a case by case basis thing” explained Mashu. “Senpai prefers boots on the ground to recruit potential comrades, or resources. We herald the cauterising purity made in asnwer to the Human Order’s gangrenous apoptosis” “Aw, you memorised my propaganda drafts!” said Grail, ruffling Mashu’s hair. “Attagirl” “…so are we just Rayshifting in or-“ asked Elodie as a Boom Tube erupted. “No. We are, in fact, using a far more technologically superior means of accessing displaced realities” said Grail smugly. “I SEE. And we’re NOT going to use the typical traits of a Boom Tube to suddenly scale up to New God sizes and just pick up the planet like a marble-“ rambled Elodie as all the usual steps of investigating a Singularity were skipped in favour of just arriving at the crisis zone. “Not a thing anymore in my time. And even if it was I wouldn’t. I like fighting dirty, but I like FIGHTING more” said Grail as a horde of screaming Illyas ran up to them Elodie wondered for a second if she was going to have to stop Grail from massacring innocent Ilyas, when suddenly all of them went floating into a big ball. UUUU-Olga had forced herself into the party. 2/5

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“Ha HA haha ha HA ha!” she laughed atonally, “NEVER fear my citizens, with my superior might I’ll be able to deal with these unsightly rebels with a snap of my fingers!” “Hooray! The sweet mercy of death!” said the nearest Illya. “Or I can…save them…uh, voters what should I do?” she asked. “Well, I vote we drop a Genesis Box on this mess and reduce it to a bag full of QP” said Grail sourly. “I vote we investigate further” said Elodie cautiously, with Mashu timidly nodding behind her. Grail scowled. “Yes, that’s one reason he wants to keep you around. More lateral thinking. Fine. Lead the way, PRINCESS” UUUU-Olga declared she was ready to carry out the will of the people while the people followed either Grail or Elodie’s lead (it was not clear who was actually in charge) to locating the source of the Singularity. At it’s centre, it appeared that Miyu had changed her Saint Graph. And also gone mad with isolation, become the leader of a cult, and contacted an extradimensional reservoir of milk-like magical energy she was converting into Ilyas with which she intended to repopulate the sorta-Bleached Earth with. “Ahhh welcome, my faithful…ENLIGHTENED… CULTURED…brethren” she babbled madly. “Have you heard the good news about our Lady and Savior Ilya?” “N-no?” said Elodie as Grail frantically tried to discourage her from engaging with a gag character. Miyu took this opportunity to start ranting about how after being told to go on holiday for her mental health she’d gotten sick of playing with fairies, so she started imagining the fairies as Ilyas, and if fairies could be Ilyas, then everyone could be Ilyas, and therefore everyone and everything should be Ilyas. “…so, what do you normally do now?” asked Elodie. “Violence” said Grail grimly. Elodie held out her hands for a time out. “Let’s all be reasonable here. I think…I THINK I can get Ms. Edelfelt to see why she might be, uh. Wrong” “Haha, what? Did I just catch you disrespecting the holy name of ILYA?!” raved Miyu. “But I’ll need some help” added Elodie, “from all of you” 3/5 Mashu, who was secretly happy for everyone to be friends again, eagerly contributed by summoning a shadow Servant of Chloe in the midst of Elodie’s Noble Phantasm. UUUU-Olga, who just wanted to be liked, high handedly and grandiosely supplied the mana (“Presidential-class NUCLEAR mana!”). And Grail, who Elodie couldn’t help but notice by now seemed to be testing her, stood aside and acted moody but silently started wiping black Grail Mud off herself and flinging over her shoulder when Elodie actually asked for some. The darkened magical energy went brr as it touched the conduit to the Ilyaverse, percolating together like delicious chocolate milk. Suddenly many more Ilya-based Saint Graph magical energy signatures appeared, and forming into the Ilya subspecies known as Chloe. “Hi everyone, it’s me! Chloe von Einzbern, the incarnate magical energy of Ilya!” said all the Chloes at once. “ILYAS FOR THE ILYA GOD” screamed Miyu, “ILYAS FOR THE ILYA THRONE!!!” “And I am also” said the Chloes, leaning forwards, “The Calamity of Editing”. Miyu froze in place. “E-eh?” “Miyuuuu” said the Chloes with eerie synchronicty, “have you been working on your manga? Your MANGA, Miyu? How can you call yourself a MANGAMAKER if you haven’t even written a single CHAPTER in all the weeks you’ve been here?” “W-well, y’see, I’ve been distracted by…? “By…? “…Ilya” With a sudden messy implosion, all the Chloes fused together into a GIANT SWIMSUIT WEARING CHLOE which due to it’s connection to the Ilyaverse also had a giant Ilya hanging out of it’s torso. The CALAMITY OF EDITING stomped around punching the Ilya sprouting out of it like a punching bag, smashing through the ritual implements of the cult and destabilising the Singularity. “Waaah I’m so sorry for everything I see now Ilya can be a force of great destruction as well as hugs and cuddles bweeeeh save me Chaldeawomen” wailed Miyu. 4/5 “And now all the local crimes against ontology are amalgamated into one place, we shoot them” explained Elodie, “all at once” Grail turned to Elodie with a look of contemptuous disbelief. “THIS was your plan? Crossing the streams? Really?!” “Hell yeah! You in or what?” demanded Elodie, raising her crystal. With a snarl of disgust, Grail let fly a twin pair of Omega Beams just as a golden blade of Lumen magic, a blast of stabilised space-time from Mashu and a presidential black hole hit THE CALAMITY OF EDITING at the same time. A wave of chocolate milk washed over the entire Singularity, Elodie triumphantly flying above it on falcon wings while Mashu surfed, Olga flew, and Grail repeatedly dunked Miyu’s head in the pseudo-water to punish her. “Oh hey, you guys solved the Singularity before I got there” I said casually, waiting outside as it collapsed. “And I see you’ve both SUCCESSFULLY recruited several new Servant Saint Graphs while working together, yes?” “Yes, Master” chorused everyone dutifully except Elodie who said “Yes, Anon” instead. “We don’t have to talk about what happened in there. We are NOT in fact going to talk about what happened in there. I’ve been putting up with shit like that ever since the CHALDEAS units have been running-“ “Presidential Planets” interrupted UUUU-Olga. “-because I’m this close, THIS CLOSE, to the endgame. And that’s why we need all hands on deck and working togethier here in the endgame” I finished. “Your will be done” said Grail passionately, “with NO further betrayals”. I patted the shaved side of her head. “Good job. And hey! I appreciate you” I said, walking off to politely give everyone the pretence I wasn’t aware of their every word. … “I’m going to be riding this high for a whole week” said Grail dazedly, touching her scalp. “Grail, I hate you right back” said Elodie, brows furrowed, ‘but I also just lost some respect for you”. “Wow, however will I recover. OH, I know!” said Grail, radiating smugness, “Have I mentioned that BECAUSE of the power imbalance between Anon and I, I also get to FUCK him while you’re stuck in the doghouse?” Elodie gawked at her in speechless, disbelieving, confused horror. “WHAT?!” 5/5

[Who Made Me A Princess] Drawback: Plot Magnet (1200) Royalty Like A Fairy Tale (Free) Jeweled Eyes (Free) Scary Motherfucker (1100) Forbidden Sorcery (900) Warlock (600) Branch of the World Tree (0) Noble Wardrobe (Free) Emperor Claude de Alger Obelia fixed the court with his steeliest, most nerve-wracking stare as he watched his tiny terrified daughter protest her confinement in the Ruby Palace. He furrowed his brow, one nerve pulsing on his temple. "Enough. We will consult my grand vizier on this matter" "...G-grand Vizier? Eh?! Father, since when have you ever had a Grand Vizier?" "Why daughter, how could you have possibly forgotten your LEGITIMATE half-brother who has ever been my trusted spymaster, underhand and general troubleshooter ever since he graduated top of his class at Warlock University?" he said archly, as I strode into the royal court. It was as impressive an entrance as Charles' fell moods. My monocle gleamed with royalist malice, as I twiddled my moustache with such sublime smugness that nearby courtiers started feverishly imagining the schemes I was about to set in motion. A slight nod or an ironic leer was all it took to conjure the possibilities of blackmail I had on any member of the court-save of course, it's ultimately authority. "Grand Vizier. How progresses your assessment of my daughter's correspondences?" asked Charles, as my sister sputtered in protest "It is already done, my Emperor and father. I have completed my tactical assessment in triplicate. Aside from the task you assigned me, there is another pressing matter but it can wait" "Smart boy. Unlike SOME of my children, you always were punctual" "For starters, there is no evidence Princess Athanasia has any intention or association with poison-related assassinations. Indeed, I would go so far as to say the Princess DOES NOT COMPREHEND the composition of poisons given yesterday, she tried to eat a mouldy putting. It is no exaggeration, my emperor, to say the princess is more successful at poisoning herself than any othe member of your household" "I-it smelled fresh though!!" protested my sister as ignoring her, I moved on. "I have here for you a comprehensive file on how the princess is naive to the politics of the realm, and has had no contact with the outside world. This was verified by-" "Get to the point boy, you know full well YOU verify everything" "-as you command. In short, Athanasia is not a threat to you politically save in one regard" The room dropped a solid two degrees. "Elaborate" said Claude icily as Athanasia fidgeted. "Speaking bluntly, her present existence is a deadweight loss on the throne's economy, and reflects poorly on the throne" I spoke smoothly. "It served the throne's purpose to isolate her in a hovel, and now it burdens the throne to have a member of royalty living like a peasant. Dissidents can always be...disappeared, but the optics alone could foment resentment in the future" "Recommend a solution" "She is not a legitimate heir, so use her as figurehead. A people's princess" I said, clasping my hands together villainously. "When your schedule permits, I suggest a grand tour in which you publicly take her on long walks in the garden, pamper her with a jewels and gifts, and refurbish the Ruby Palace. I know an excellent, affordable contractor who may or may not be a magical raccoon that can get the job done for less than the cost of one (1) royal banquet. You and your daughter will then coordinate to have her publicly donate the excess funds and a percentage of those gifts to improve public works; I will of course run the numbers so this is affordable" "Fools" I concluded, as Athanasia blinked owlishly at me and he matched my villainous chin-stroking, "ask if it is better to be loved or feared. The wise man knows that in times of plenty, it is a show of strength to be both. The funds used to sustain Athanasia's living quarters can be reinvested into a long-term political tool for your kingdom's stability. They will love you for pampering her, and respect you for teaching her to be a noblewoman who looks after the commonfolk, and thus you will temper their fearful respect with admiration. You will even be an aspirational patriarch, for all the fathers of the empire"

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"...it is as you say. Byblow or not, we must make use of all the resources of this court for the sake of my rule. Including my own blood" said Claude, nodding. "See to it, then. Now, the pressing matter?" "Yes. There IS an imminent threat to your reign: Magical interference" I said, presenting two amulets to Claude. "I have evidence there is a malignant spirit haunting this castle, and it's target is Jennette" "WHAT?!" "Yes, you can tell from the miasma of black magic surrounding her which is definitely from an external source. Anyway, that's another reason why you should take a royal holiday and publicly pamper and adore this illegitimate girl. Hopefully it will trick the spirit into avoiding Jennette when it thinks Athanasia is your preferred child. Moreover, there are complex magical theories suggesting that headpats, cuddles and the parent-child bond are anathema to evil spirits' "Yes. Yes, at once! My Grand Vizier, I am leaving at once to save my Jennette. I trust you to watch the throne while I'm gone" said Claude, striding with purpose as he picked up Athanasia by the scruff of her neck. "Come, child. You will be loved AND pampered. This is non-negotiable" I sat back in my throne, my diabolical plan to secure the empire's stability by tricking Claude into becoming a loving father for Athanasia having come to fruition.

Pokémon Infinite Fusions League Trainer Engineer Affinity 100 (Dragon/Flying) Stronger Together Lucky Encounters 100 Rare Candy 200 Splicer Science Storage Sorcerer 100 Savant Specialist (Fusion) 200 The Bigger Bag Helpful Machines Pokémon Daycare 200 Partner Bulbasaur+Mudkip Domestic Fusion Friend Shaped Day In, Day Out 100 Pedigree 200 Custom Sprite Pick & Choose 100 Power Surge 200 DNA Splicers Secret Forest 200 Pokémon GSC Human Rookie Trainer Slip and Slide Walking With Pokémon Pokémon Breeder 100 Pokeathlete 100 Pure 200 The Incredibly Pretty Jumper 100 DRAGONITE, HYPER BEAM 400 Badge Case Pokewalker 300 Trainer ID Pokedex Beginners Allowance Beginners Item Set Pokegear Rage Candy Bar 50 Starter+Import 50 A Fairy Tale

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Annoying Calls +100 Horrible Level Curve +200 Bulbasaur + Mudkip Sweet Scent Shiny Pokéathletic 100 Pokerus 200 Flames of Rebirth 300 This is the fifth entry into a pokemon chain wherein I talk about my jumper like I'm a youtuber doing lore vids. Scroll up for the rest Sorry for the radio silence dear viewers, I was replaying Heartgold. Anyways, I'm back now and I'm here with the next part about the Pokémon universes biggest mystery, Faru. And let me tell you that I'm hyped as hell because the Johto remakes are some of Faru's biggest bullshit moments. And I am specifying the remakes because Faru wasn't in the GSC games. Sadly. Anyways, Johto. Timeline wise, this takes three years after FRLG and RSE, and more or less at the same time as DPPt. Despite that, there are some fairly large inconsistencies in Faru's supposed character arc. In FRLG he's clearly just starting out. In RSE, he's a smidge older. In DPPt however, Faru is old as fuck... and then in HGSS, he's back to been maybe early teens. There is something shady as hell with this guys personal timeline and I do NOT know what it is. Sure, he has some adventures in side content, but that's not enough to lose a couple of decades. But I digress. Less metaplot, more actual plot. For now. You first encounter with Faru is in Ilex forest, where he is seemingly practicing music of some kind. According to him, he's helping with ecological recovery after a certain incident two years ago. No idea what this is, it's never mentioned again. After that, he wanders off for a bit until you make your way to Ecruteak city, where he's watching the Kimono Girls dance. Talk to him again and he'll mention having fought your rival, then leave. This pattern repeats for a while, with him showing up in various random places. Eventually though, something changes. You get to fight him. Once you have all three legendary beasts captured, you can go back to the burnt tower, where he will offer to fight you. Unlike his normal battles, he only has five Pokemon. Venusaur, Swampert, and the three legendary birds. All of them are shiny, because Faru just flexes like that sometimes. Levelwise, he does his normal gimmick of scaling based on how many badges you have. This means he can now have a team ranging from 7 (no badges, not actually possible) to 135 (all 16 badges). If you're disappointed by this, don't worry, we aren't over yet. He shows back up twice more. The first of those times is on top of Mount Silver, after fighting Red. More specifically, you get to team up with Red in a double battle against him. His team is now Venusaur, Typhlosion, Swampert, Infernape, Mew, and Thufizer, all at 135 once more. And if you're wondering what the fuck Thufizer is, don't worry, so is everyone else. To solve that, let me take you on a little trip down memory lane. Pokémon is, fundamentally, a multimedia franchise. There's the card game, the videogames, anime, manga, videogames about the anime and the card games, books, more merchandise than six pikachu could shake sticks at - you get the idea. Thufizer is one of those theoretical pokemon that technically exist but never made it into the game. Like how one of the manga had a Pikachu-Azumaril hybrid Pokémon. More specifically, Thufizer is from another manga, and is a scientific experiment created by Team Rocket wherein they have attempted to fuse the legendary birds together into one Pokémon. So yeah, he's basically fighting you with bird-cerebus, aka all three legendary birds at once. And mechanically? It has four types. Ice, Electric, Fire, and Flying. Weak to Water and Rock, immune to Ground, resistant to fying, steel, and fire, and double resistant to bug and grass. I mentioned it was level 135, right? This is possibly one of the biggest fuck you's I've seen from Nintendo, and that's with Faru intentionally being their hidden superboss. Thank god Red is here to help out, you need all 12 pokemon to have an even playing field. Anyways, if you do manage it, Faru just starts laughing for a while, before giving you an egg that will hatch into the Hoenn starter weak to yours and the Sinnoh starter strong against you. After that, unless you're very lucky, he basically disappears. See, the last fight against Faru is based on an event distributed Pokémon. Specifically, Celebi. You may remember this as the event Pokémon that lets you fight Giovanni, but turns out you can use it twice. Just, you know, not until after you fight the superboss. Anyways, take Celebi back to Ilex Forest and Faru will be there again, playing more music. Celebi jumps out, spins around him, and then he vanishes. The player runs up to where Faru was, and Celebi boinks them too. You wake up in what looks like Cerulean Cave. With Gen 1 graphics. There are no wild pokemon here, and the entrance has been removed. Just navigate through the cave until you reach where mewtwo would normally be and Faru will be there, standing in front of the guy. He doesn't really say anything - by default, his text is actually scrambled into another language, randomly chosen from whatever you don't have selected currently. So he could spit some stuff at you in Portuguese or French. Then a battle starts. He throws out a missingno. It's level 115, and has the stats, typing, and movepool of Rayquaza. This is his only Pokémon. After beating him, he doesn't say anything and leaves. Mewtwo gives you a strange item called a Lock Capsule, then you teleport back to Ilex via the Celebi express. Faru does not rejoin you. Backtracking a smidge, Faru's words, while technically meant to be mysterious, do exist in the games code in English, and so are easy to access. "This world is broken and fragmented. Edges do not join, and the way forwards leads elsewhere. Where have my friends gone? ...And why are you here, [Playername]? Or should I call you [Default Playername]?" So first of, this is crazy as hell. Secondly, this is creepy as hell. The closest explanation I can even think of to this shit is that Faru is dealing with some sort of glitchy nonsense, which, you know, makes no sense at all because glitches are flaws in the games code that technically shouldn't exist in a 'real' world. Not only that, but Faru addresses you as Ethan/Lyra depending on your gender in addition to the name on your save file. WHY does Faru address you as the default player name? And where the hell did he get a Missigno that thinks it's a Rayquaza? This is why Johto is my favorite instance of Faru - it has so much weird shit, and not a single drop of explanation for how or why. Where did he get fusion tech? Why does he have a Missingno? Where did Celebi send him? In theory this is just some random kid from Viridian, but it really does seem like he embodies the 'god has allowed me to live another day and I am about to make this everyones problem' meme, because god damn, this guy has no breaks. ...Well, I say there's no real explanation for any of this, but that's not quite true. We get something in Sun and Moon, but that's for a future episode.

There were so many worlds out there. They called it the Verse, the metaconcert of all conceivable realities-yet they were, all of them, fragile around the edges. Fragile, but not unstable. Brittle, but with hints of unfurling complexity within some, unrepeatable patterns of possibility in others. If the worlds of the Dark Multiverse were akin to cosmic detritus, then these worlds were like snowflakes. Beautiful yet ephemeral, a doomed dance of chance and whimsy. Until the gaze of the Supreme Logos turned upon them. Until the incarnate Law made them real. Until pushing my will against the skein of their laws, I created an avatar under their logic to explore them. To make them real under their friction of my will exercised upon their causality and metanarratives. As a man carves art from a whale’s tooth. One strand of destiny, I thought, staring at the nearest one. One emanation of my divine self. Defying death, going on forever, testing and iterating to become the truest practice of my principle-but still, that was all I needed. That was all this world could likely take. [“Tarot adventure CYOA”] My manifested history flashed before my eyes as my avatar took form. A would-be scholar of little import, from a world that was more dream than legend. A fleeting surge of the isekai phenomena. A wise yet helpless wizard, warning me of the coming of shadow and the hope of light. A flash of tarot cards, many of whom turned away in stately indifference-yet one of whom tumbled alongside me. A curious waif. A many-splendoured jester. A fool. And another of which slipped itself around me like a cowl, before dropping a crown upon my head. >Call Upon: The Emperor I manifested in a manner so grandiose and sumptuous, it somehow conveyed the personality of the owner (myself, I intuitively realised) without any graven image or depiction. Lush aureus hues blended seamlessly in a vein of stone that was not quite marble. A throne carved from a solid piece of stone oversaw a banquet table that could have seated dozens of men. The windows seemed those of a basilica. Through a half-opened corridor, I could see enough hunting gear and armour to outfit whole legions. And the clothes on me: Fur softer than mink, embroidered leathers that breathed like a second skin, boots that fit like gloves and made the floor feel privileged to be walked upon. And of course, the crown. Gleaming like solid sunlight. My own visage dazzled me like sunlight off a pond, and for a moment even I felt compelled to give myself a nod of respect. “…alright, I know this is the most natural path for things to take” I said finally, to the ineffable forces that had brought me here, “but don’t you think this is a bit much?” There was only silence. And the vague sense that the mansion was in some undefinable sense, aggressively MASCULINE. >Assistance: The Fool “Who’re you talking to?” I blinked. “The abstract spirits of the Tarot, who have crowned me this world’s saviour” I said finally, having no real reason to lie. “Oh. How splendid! I oft talk to things unseen and invisible as well” confessed the strange squatting girl who had been perched atop one of the marble columns nearby for some time now. She dressed like a whore pretending to be an assassin pretending to be a clown. Her hair is not quite red enough to be natural, and combined with her not-quite asian, not quite european features the result was almost uncanny if she also didn’t have the kind of lithe frame and strategically stacked puppy fat that made old men wish a little girl would grow up sooner. She was also doing handstands on the pillar while juggling kitchen knives with her feet. “Did the cards send me an acrobat for assistance?” I asked. “Acro-what? Sorry, I got bored waiting for you to stop staring at the mirror and there were all these fascinating ledges so I just…” she shrugged, “figured out how to make the most of them” “Interesting. I was regarding myself for exactly 4 minutes 35 seconds, and you picked that all up…tell me, what do you know of this world?” “Nothing” she said brazenly. “Nothing?” I echoed. “Not a damned thing” she confirmed. “Well, I know a little more. I know that this land is under threat from great evil, an evil we do not know the form of nature of, and as such I am the only one you can trust. Absolutely” The girl was clearly gifted and fortunate beyond her years and stature. Alas, her naivete would prove lethal. Or highly useful. Her eyesbrows shot high and she nodded furiously with the belief of the innocent. I set out to learn all I could about this land. Perhaps a knight would have gone on a legendary quest, or a rogue stolen ill-gotten gains. Perhaps a magician could have defined it’s boundaries from a pool of water under moonlight. My talents lay elsewhere. I simply invited myself to the nearest gathering of nobility, declared myself visiting royalty, and the great and “good” of the land instantly accepted me as one of them (and the girl, the Fool, as my court jester. The next thought was, of course, what such a lovely girl could have done to be reduced to a court jester).

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Over flagons of mead and slabs of roasted boar I learned more of the land. Medieval, for the most part. Three continents, each connected by bridges of unusually advanced make. The prophecy concerned the third and only truly inhospitable one to the south. Which was where the foretold evil would arise from. I took all this consideration alongside my own powers and those of my companion (who was polishing her own weight in stuffed pheasant, getting gravy all over her fat tits) and came to an epiphany: I lacked the means to definitively kill a potentially immortal evil, but didn’t actually have to. “My friends” I told the carousing nobles, “I have a proposal to our mutual benefit. You’ll all get rich, and I’ll have a force stationed to reinforce the bridges” “But how?” exclaimed the nobles. “Armies cost money to upkeep, you know!”. I drummed my fingers on the table. “Tell me…are you familiar with the concept of a tournament? I propose we host one across both our lands. A chance for the greatest of champions to win gold and glory, and for peasants to win a king’s ransom. And not just arms. I will create an incent-I mean, a glorious boon for anyone who can smash the southern bridges, and another for anyone who can render them impassable” “But O king!” cried the nobles, as my Fool drank her bodyweight in mead, “boons cost money!” “And there is the trick of it” I said. “We will weave a tale of this tournament, as glorious as your finest bards can make it. And to merely participate, peasant and lord alike will contribute a pittance. Not a tax, but a contribution-a privilege! And thus, gold will flow like a river to create the promise boon” And so compelling were my words that my Fool was vowing to be the one to earn all boons until I gently reminded her it was but a pretence. We travelled the lands, my heralding of the threat from the south inspiring awe from the peasantry, fascination and concern from the merchants, intrigue from the wizardry-and once again, opportunism from the nobility. Two coliseums were erected, and two sections of the bridge cordoned off for destructive testing. I travelled often between both bridges, fanning the flames of interest in both. The clash of sword on shield, the spark and crackle of magic, and the fizzle of alchemical brew revitalised a dozen industries and created a dozen more. My Fool travelled with me, and with my patronage she learned from wisemen and warriors of the land eager to curry favour with me for a discounted entry. I thought myself prepared. But fortune makes fools of us all. “How did you do that?” I said, staring at the northwestern bridge, shattered down the middle. “I don’t know” she confessed, covered in ash. “I was just mixing potions together one day, and I thought I’d try igniting them with this star-calling priest’s curse…and everything went white” “You have the cantrip recorded at least, right? Right?” I asked desperately. “I’m sorry” she said, fidgeting, “the knowledge tore itself from my mind and the scroll it was written on burned up! It’s like the knowing of the spell was the sacrifice for casting it!” We both saw smoke rising from the southern island. By then, we both knew teleportation magic. Wordlessly, we appeared at the front of the defenders on the other continent. We never met the invading evils. All my mortal form’s eyes could make out was an endless row of marching figures in rusty black armour, jagged spines and leathery hide erupting from within. Crude parodies of halbards lifted high. Behind them, all was ablaze, and the faces of the damned appeared in those flames. But the men didn’t balk with their Emperor on the front lines. “Third place winners: FIRE!” I roared. Catapults launched, and trebuchets shot true. Bundles of alchemical solution exploded into baths of unquenchable blue fire, and folded steel shattered against another age’s bridge. The hordes marched onwards-walking even when bisected or cut to pieces. They moved like puppets on strings, joints bending hard enough to snap tendons if need be. “SECOND PLACERS: AIM HIGH! CUT OFF THEIR BACK LINES” I shouted. I knew these were where the disease-mages, the crude chemical war-alchemists and the explosive caltrop-containing payloads tended to place. This much I knew about the enemy from foreign reports: They may have fielded winged horrors and wraiths, but they still needed boots on ground. “FIRST PLACERS! GLORY IS YOURS!” I bellowed. Up close the hordes were not just inhuman, not just damned-but unliving. The ravages of siege weaponry left rotting skin exposed, and corrosive ichor leaked from gaping eyesockets. There was a grand champion at the head of the hordes, a giant of a man in burning armour-but it was the smog, the cinders and ashes wrought form the devastation. I was certain. The miasma of combustion followed above them like a hungry, angry cloud alight with all the furies of war itself. But they didn’t reckon with a wizard who could launch a miniature star. A warrior who had trained to cut through a forest with one mighty blow. An alchemist who bottled the essence of winter in a flask. And of course, my own Fool who had learned a mystical dance that bade metal remember the forge-burning the enemy alive in their own armour. No one man could have stopped that army. But it was in my nature to unite all men. At last the forces of desolation tried to retreat-but by my foresight found themselves hemmed in. And the destruction they brought with them had withered a bridge already under a day-long siege. For a moment, the smog above formed itself into the semblance of an ancient, metal-clad king not unlike the champion. With a wordless cry of anguish and yearning, it reached out one gauntleted hand over the bridge. “As one tyrant to another” I told it, “this land isn’t yours to conquer” The bridge collapsed. The hordes fell. The smog was blown away by the wind, with barely a whimper to mark it’s passing.

[Magic the Gathering: Duskmourn - House of Horror] Drawback: Harrowing at the House (1200) Rolled The Boilerbilges Survivor Gathering of Magic (Free) Collected Company (Free) Fast Learner (Free) Aminatou, the Veil-Piercer (800) Valgavoth (200) Shared TormentX2 (0) -Avacyn: Survivor, Gathering of Magic (Free), Collected Company (Free), Faster Learner (Free), Savior of the Small (300), Glimmerburst (0) -Shrylariatha: Gathering of Magic (Free), Demon of Fate's Design (Free), Welcome the Darkness (Free), Demon's Miasma (300), Terror Eater (0) >>96447091 >Previously on “Somehow, MtG canon returned (in a different timeline)”: https://archive.4plebs.org/tg/thread/96080959/#96092685 The Eightfold Oikumene (I insisted we add different vowels to the name to avoid any association with the worthless Forerunners) advanced the study of magic by lightyears, due to almost-complete attunement to white mana. Where in other worlds angels were generally champions of the dominant mortal races, here angels WERE the dominant race (other than some very abstract animals that fed on faith and logic, the next most common lifeforms were a very peaceful Sliver subspecies and a type of oarfish-shaped dragon that drifted on currents of mana and fed on the confusion produced by the koans they invented). Each world had a different grand working of White Mana. In one, every living being had sworn itself to a feat of law magic that made the Guildpact look like a child’s scribble. In another, the sun itself made all things emulate it, creating wondrous artifacts and exalting angels into goddesses (religious arguments ensued, of course)-and grand works of faith in turn fed the sun’s radiance. In a third, a tree of light created structures similar to the Omenpaths-though used differently, to siphon the mana of other planes, purify it, and return it as white mana (always with a mix of blue and green; without my prior ambition to give white mana the qualities of colourless mana then have Phyrexians spread it on all places, regrettably some dilution was necessary for multiversal stability). A fourth was called the Plane of Faith, for it was to religious fulfilment what the Meditation Realm was to unbound thought. Most importantly of all, a fifth was a great construct of rotating rings etched with eyes that provided precise, sophisticated access to all of time and space. And in exploring this structure, we came upon the grimdark future of a timeline without me. 1/6 I can’t blame Avacyn for reacting as badly as she did. When we first came upon the dread realm, I was not blind to the uncomfortable similarities it bore to the reality that started all this. I was prepared to bring devastation. To tear out the rot by the roots. Even without casualties, the presence of revelation would have struck the survivors like a hammer. There was, however, one variable that set it aside. The demon submitted instantly to my power. “Are you…certain of your choice?” I asked. “Yes! YES! FREE ME! Just don’t bind me to another prison and I’m yours!” “Anon, we can hardly trust a monster like this!” protested Avacyn. >Lying With Demons, MtG Iconics “Actually? We absolutely can” I said. Shadowy fish-like creatures stirred behind me like the shadow I lacked, and dark laughter filled the air like thunder as I shook hands with Valgavoth. “FINALLY!” he screeched, as I physically wrenched him from the floorboards and drywall in all his mothsome glory. “YES, in your service I will…well, I’m not actually even sure what something like you would even need a demon for” he said, squinting at my gross incandescence “but I am certain we can figure something out!” “As a matter of fact” I said, “I do require entities like you. We are engaged in a crusade, you see. A war against a multiverse without meaning, trapped in senseless cycles of creation and destruction. That war requires butchers, as well as shepherds” “As you say” said Valgavoth, fighting to keep a straight face. “Because” I said, addressing Avacyn directly, “as much as I would like to win with angels alone, do you remember how Serra died? Serra. The creator and goddess of the brightest realm in all the planes since my own” “Of a broken heart” said Avacyn, bitterly. “And to a Planeswalking thief unfit to lick her boots” I mused. “I am not blind to the flaws of white mana. Nor to those of the black. You” I told Valgavaoth, “must be improved through trials” 2/6

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I snapped my fingers. Psionic entities hauled in a great vat of black liquid. Manifest fear harvested by a technique I’d discovered in Alma Wade’s reality. Valgavoth sniffed in curiosity, then hunger, then elation as he slobbered all over the vat which loomed taller than the tallest visible structure in his world. “Is that…is that all for me…?!?!” “Enjoy. And remember! There is a price” I told him. Without another word he hurled himself and stuffed himself, literally gorging on fear, sucking it down every pore of being until Valgavoth rose up against as a nightmare of fuzz and chitin. “I LIKE this trial!” he growled. “And now for the unfun part. Even your diminished state, you remember the location and status of every victim of yours, correct? “Yes, what of those insignificant specks?” “Release them. All of them. From death, if necessary. Repair all you have broken” I commanded him. “And honour the promise made to your cult” Valgavoth froze in instinctive spite and wrath. “…master, with all due respect I require SUSTENANCE-“ “Do this thing, and you’ll never go hungry again” I promised the demon. “I am no longer one with my plane, and alas-“ he tried, “Nonsense” I interrupted. “The power I just gave you is more than sufficient”. He sighed. Disbelieving and bitter but bound to my will, the demon reached for all the countermeasures and preparations he’d ever wrought in his world. And they came forth as a tide of sorrow: All the glitch-ghosts and the damned souls given new bodies in silk, all the innocents ungently ushered into the square, everyone and everything who had suffered because of Valgavoth’s games. Slashing a hole in reality, I ushered them into the gentlest of my Oikumene worlds. Except the cult, which celebrated as Valgavoth grumpily used his newfound powers to start restoring the plane. >Shaped Finality, Destiny: The Darkness “Good. Here’s your next boon” I told Valgavoth. 3/6 The demon gurgled as I pressed an aspect of the vile Winnower flain into my weapon-now a piece of which was wielded through it. Avacyn had gasped in relief as she gently helped usher the survivors out of the world then sneered at the demon’s discomfort when it’s grand form was diminished by the effort of restoration-but now the demon realised even that vat was only a taste of true power. With Deepsight, it could see the remembered past. The imagined future. And everything in between. “Well? Is it to your taste?” I asked. “It is…everything” breathed the demon. “I can see all fear…from past AND future of this planet! This power-it manifests the intangible into SOMETHING I CAN DEVOUR! I really will never go hungry again!!” “And so, you need not kill to survive” I reminded it. The demon sniggered. “And why should I not stock my larder?”. “Consequences. An EXCELLENT segue into your next trial. Avacyn” I addressed my angelic friend, “anoint the vengeful” Not every soul had dispersed. Not every survivor had left. The most vengeful of the Glitch-Ghosts and the most defiant of humans stared on at the demon, hoping against hope. “Your next trial” I told Valgavoth, “is to stand perfectly still. Without retribution or recall. Until the toll of midnight. With this power, survival should be trivial” “What?! But the indignity of-“ “The third boon, Valgavoth” “…fine. Come, lesser beings. Take your pound of flesh” grumbled the demon. Immediately Valgavoth was assailed on all sides, called a monster, a glutton, a prisoner in new chains. His offspring and whims tried to protect him but were overrun. Even the lowliest peasant had his pitchfork lit by Avacyn’s light and his courage forged into shining friends. And yet even as slabs of the demon melted off into nothingness, it endured. Pained. But alive. “Are you QUITE done yet?” it demanded right before midnight struck. The last attacker was a woman in a little girl’s dress kicking him in the shins. Their vengeance spent, the last defenders of Duskmourn passed on peacefully in my light. 4/6 “Are you ready for your final boon?” I asked the demon. “And my final trial” he said, gently patting his surviving faithful. The unfamiliar sensation of affection flashed briefly across his features. “They are one and the same” I told the demon. “…I don’t understand” “You will” >Enlightenment, Journey to the West And using my connection to the Buddha hivemind, I bestowed upon Valgavoth the same redemption offered to those demons who had offered themselves in service of Tiantang. Valgavoth suddenly erupted with white mana. He stood taller, gibbered less menacingly. But above all else, was a sudden surge of…empathy. As alien as a magma flow in the Antarctic, the demon staggered in the face of what it had suddenly gained. An understanding of what it was like to be afraid. “Oh. So…so that is what it feels like…” mumbled Valgavoth “Go, and think on this” I told him. “Then understand the necessity of precise violence. Your belly is full now. No more terror farms” “No…no more…” he whimpered. Avacyn silently followed Valgavoth as he wandered in a daze, uncaring and unseeing as he reflected on all the wrong he had dealt-and how the violence done to him made up but a fraction of the harm he had inflicted. “What have I done?” he whimpered. “You did what so many others chose to in this multiverse, and know this” said Avacyn, hefting her spear. “If you choose to repeat your transgressions then companion respawn or not I will make your existence a living hell” 5/6 “I cannot blame you!” he cried in despair. “I was…I was going to envelop the multiverse in my darkness! Why would he spare a wretch like me?! I must…reeducate my children. Disband that farce of a cult! And what was that about a respawn?” Avacyn stared off in a suddenly sullen gaze. “…the Planeswalkers. He sees in your a bane against them. As I was a bane against my own maker” “…what” “You were brought here and bound against your will. I suppose from our lord’s perspective, you are no different to any prisoner-and a slave to your nature. But tell me, what do you know of recent events?” “Only that those who walk between worlds are trespassing on my land, why?” And Avacyn told Valgavoth of Nahiri’s vengeance. Of Urza’s arrogance, and how he bent the knee to Yawgmoth. She told him of Bolas’ pivotal role in the Mending and the Elderspell crisis, and she told him of a great cataclysm we had foreseen. And drowning in guilt, Valgavoth’s heart hardened as he learned of those who would destroy entire worlds without even the dignity of prolonged terror. And thus, he reached the apodeictic conclusion I had shown him mercy for. Finding meaning in his purpose as a terror-bringer. “You are no longer a Planeswalker” I told the girl who had foreseen all of this, with a distant nod of approval to Valgavoth and Avacyn’s little chat. Tilted events just so, in my favour. “I am not” she echoed, “and you compress all futures around yourself. So I…I pray you will be merciful” “Would you like to be one again? The power of the Elderspell should be shared with the deserving. I have come to enact violence because so many with the Spark do not deserve it. Do you know what is coming, child? Do you know why I chose this of all times to intervene?” Bravely, foolishly, she took a breath and said to me “It is not too late to convince Jace Beleren not to shatter the Meditation Realm and release Nicol Bolas” 6/6

>>106211 [Innistrad redux] The angel is going mad. She does not realise it. It does not occur to her that butchering the humans is anything but righteous. It is obviously the only thing that can resolve the anomalies plaguing the werewolves, the towns, the moon. The angel cannot discern her madness because it was in her design to become more powerful as the humanity of her plane veered towards calamity, and now she is the danger. So when she sees me, an outsider, it is jarring for her to process the fact that she does NOT want to kill me. “Stranger, leave immediately” she commands, gore still dripping off her spear. “This is no longer a place of honour” “This place was never a place of honor” I tell her. “Your creator, Sorin, never intended it as such”. The angel blinks. “…what heresy is this?”. “The kind that rewrites religions, I’m afraid” I say. In a flash of white mana I show her a vision of genesis, of the megalomaniacal carelessness this world’s planeswalkers are prone to. This shocks the angel so much that she doesn’t even notice the Eldrazi corruption being seared out of her. “I don’t say this a lot” I ask, after five minutes of the angel crumpled in a sobbing heap, “but do you want a hug?” “…what?” “A hug. Do you want a hug?” I repeat, kneeling down. “You have been diligent and selfless. You deserved a better creator” “The entire faith I preside over is a cruel joke, I was created to farm the mortals I cherish like cattle, and now something worse than any demon bears down on my blame” she says blankly. “I should not have time for a hug, but…I think so, yes” I hug her. I also take this opportunity to tell her I am here on this plane hunting monsters like the one about to consume it, and monsters like her maker, and that I am always looking for more help in this endeavour. And thus, the angel Avacyn finds religion. 1/5 [Magic the Gathering: Duskmourne - House of Horror redux] Avacyn watched the other four members of what she had decided to call the Pathwatch gathered at the Ghirapur Grand Prix with varying amounts of unease. She wouldn’t have let Aminatou be there if she hadn’t insisted fate decreed her presence, constantly fretting over the child’s wellbeing despite her apparently being the strongest Planeswalker of her generation Valgavoth, despite his penitence, still reeked of the fear and madness of the plane he had terrorised for millennia. His spawn and nightmarish whims drifted around him like a toxic miasma. The horror that had squirmed it’s way into my soul was, to her eyes, quite plainly far worse than Valgavoth simply because having originated on a plane inhabited by demons, dread fae, dragons but no sentient beings with a moral framework more objectively just than that of Grixis before she had subsumed it I had decided she never needed any behavioural correction to begin with. And the last member of the Pathwatch was literally 10 Bablovian squirrels in a trenchcoat and top hat collectively calling themselves Agent Deeznuts. Avacyn stared in fascinated helplessness at the complex systems of ropes, pulleys and gears that the squirrels within were frantically hauling on to make the automaton shamble around. Amanitou at least was avoiding eye contact with the thing and mouthing the words “just go with it” at her over and over again, but the demons were acting like it was the mysterious but hypercompetent professional it purported to be, treating it with what passed for respect among their kind. Which meant to Avacyn that either she was being pranked with a very longwided bit…or that the squirrels had somehow fooled the demons as seamlessly as it had fooled the ticket greeter, several Ghirapur dignitaries and one of their targets. She took a deep breath. “We agreed” she said, “the population deserves to know the truth” “YOU agreed” corrected Shrylariatha, “while the rest of us humoured you” 2/5 “You forget your place, monster” said Avacyn harshly. “If you recall, Anon put me in charge of this team. You will not take another step on this plane without my authorisation. I will not see us become as, as fundamentally MISGUIDED as the Gatewatch while trying to clean up their messes” “You hold tactical command, set our objectives and your vote is worth any three of ours” acknowledged Shrylariatha, “but the rest of us have wide discretion on HOW those orders are carried out, and can simply abstain from the team if we deem the current objective a liability. Which I will if you give Jace adequate warning to LEAVE the plane before he can be, heh, reasoned with” “Our mission begins with a civic duty to the civilisations of the multiverse! We are the relief from anarchy and depredation, not it’s instigators!”. The monster sighed, her tongue flickering like a serpent. “We are not PREDATING on anything. I am simply telling you that, as the upstart can tell you, fate errs closest to a successful outcome if we simply incapacitate Jace or grab him and leave” “She’s right, Avacyn” said Aminatou sadly, making Avacyn round on her with hurtful disappointment. “I can pull the strings of fate, but they grow more and more taut the more attention turns to Jace” “If I could make a suggestion, the entire point of a team is to share burdens” said Valgavoth earnestly even in the face of Avacyn literally burning with reflexive hostility. “There is a middle ground between mobilising the government and a simple smash and grab. Some of us could provide evidence to the authorities while others deal with this insignificant Beleren mortal, who is clearly no match for any of us. And we can even achieve some other objectives along the way! I have a, erm, man named Winter on the inside here. We will spin a cocoon of intrigue, and choke the very mana from him with it!” he cackled, then added “in a civilised way, for the greater good” 3/5

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Avacyn exhaled. “Very well”. Accepting the demon had a point was a bitter pill to swallow. Doing nothing would be worse. “Agent…Deeznuts, is your network in place?” “Kekekeke yes kekeke” chattered the alleged agent. “Then you will deliver the news. Amanitou, secure the Aetherspark-and Valgavoth, you will return the young Fomori to Thunder Junction. Shrylariatha. Secure the planar borders. Let neither of them summon anything in, understood? I alone will be sufficient to neutralise them” “But of course” “Good. For the Amiable Oikumene, and a secure multiverse” “For the Amiable Okumene, and a secure multiverse” the others echoed, some sarcastically. And thus, the plan by and large went off without a hitch. Winter was very surprised to learn that the demon that had blackmailed him suddenly was providing both apologies, goodwill blessings for his success, and a free ride home for the little creature that had been conscripted into the race with him-while the rulers of Ghirapur were very surprised to have aristocratic squirrels come up through the woodwork and give them confidential information about interplanar espionage. While this was all going on, Winter was enjoying Pocoloco-like luck at the expense of every other racer. He easily won the race. All while this was going on, Avacyn hurtled overhead with grim resolution, homing in on Jace and Vraska as they suddenly registered the disappearance of their pet-and the force from without preventing them from summoning reinforcements. “Jace Beleren” said Avacyn, plummeting from on high and landing like a Marvel superhero, “I would have words with you” “Oh, hell. Is this about something I did while compleated?” asked the mind mage, frantically trying to buy time. “No, Jace. It is about what you intend to do in the near future” “Jace! If we can’t summon reinforcements, we have to banish the archangel immediately!” warned Vraska. Fighting her own first response, Avacyn slowly raised one hand, spear in the ground. “I know what you haven’t told your companions. Not even the one here. You are NOT prepared to fix the multiverse” she warned him. 4/5 Jace froze. “What the hell’s she talking about?” demanded Vraska. “You said that-“ “I don’t know, it’s possible she’s misguided” said Jace slowly, hand to his temple it what seemed to be a very obvious mind mage focus gesture, “or misinformed. This doesn’t have to end in violence” “It doesn’t” agreed Avacyn, “and that is precisely why you must listen to me. The power of the Meditation Realm is far beyond your grasp” “You’re assuming a lot” “I’ve SEEN it, Jace. Come to the Oikumene. As dire as my…grievances, with your kind, I know that you at least are trying to be a good man. To make right the multiverse’s wrongs. But there is a right way and a wrong way to do this” “Then why don’t you hear my side of the story? Or, or if the Oikumene really does possess such power, lend me it! Together we can heal the multiverse. Or do you really think it just to simply leave it like this?” Avacyn hesitated. In that moment a crushing blast of psychic energy struck her mind. She grit her teeth and focused through it. “I think that even if your plan worked, it is not right to cut off entire events-risk entire LIVES being unborn-in service of a past you never lived through. I think that if this plan really matters that much Jace, you need to discuss it in a public forum. Yours is not the only pain in the multiverse” Suddenly she drew her spear, blazing with stark light that made shadows ever darker. Jace and Vraska’s images flickered as she swung through them. “And I think that is a very convincing illusion” “I’m sorry. We left the plane half a minute ago. This HAS to be done” echoed Jace’s voice from elsewhere. “As does this” said Avacyn, disappointed. “I don’t have to touch your flesh to work my magic on you, Beleren. By my wrath, you shall be as shining beacons to your foes and felons to your allies. The weight of my gaze will exhaust you, and find you wherever you go. When we next meet, I hope you’ll reconsider” 5/5

>>108450 [Magic the Gathering: Duskmourn - House of Horror redux] >Previously: https://archive.4plebs.org/tg/thread/96461412/#96478223 She saw it all coming, of course. Her power to shape fate is supposed to be limited in scope beyond her own destiny, aligned with small scale events, but it is impossible not to notice my arrival bending all outcomes around itself like an event horizon swallowing up a solar system. Oh, how she tugged and twisted at the possibilities, trying fruitlessly to stop what she perceived as a nightmare. But I myself am born of Fate, thrice over. Once from the Norns, once by the grace of Samsara, and once from Ananke. All she accomplished was obtaining my interest. Itself a greater feat than she could accomplish. I watched her dimly grasp at the impenetrable barrier of a compleated timeline. Stayed my hand as she tracked my path of conquest through a more easily observed target's fate: Avacyn. She watched Avacyn drive the Eldrazi with spear of light and flail of flame into a gaping singularity of the Deep. She saw the angel weep as she overlooked entire planes roaring to senescence as they found themselves endowed with machine-god bodies, even as she herself spread oil across worlds yet to have their own Planeswarden grafted into existence. She was with Avacyn as she hovered lonesomely over a still, biomechanical multiverse. Burdened with the certain knowledge this truly was all for the best. When I finally made contact with her, she begs me over and over to consider alternatives. She promises to devote herself to my vision of perfection if I do nothing further to revert Phyrexia after, bereft of it's master, it is consumed for Weatherlight fuel. She asks me why I saved the angel only to scour the world. To her surprise, I agree. I tell her that all she has seen is but one solution, and I am willing to consider another before enacting THE solution across all possibilities. 1/5 That's why she's here now, on the strange and savage plane known as Tarkir, watching an errant example of why I acted against the meaningless cycles of suffering in this world. Avacyn's comforting hand a silent promise of protection on her shoulder that she returns, the wounded comforting the wounded while around them monsters (and a bunch of squirrels) bay for blood. "I'm destined to be trapped in the Meditation Realm" she explained to the others, "so I can't follow you in. I'll deal with Sarkhan and the other walkers" "Very well" said Avacyn. "Valgavoth. You will ensure no harm comes to her, and reinforce her designs. Deeznuts will run interference with the clans, de-escalating them". The "agent" nodded, threw down a smoke bomb, and suddenly an empty trenchcoat was flopping to the ground while there was rustling in the grass, in every direction. Don't think about it, she mouthed at the visibly confused angel. "A sound stratagem!" exclaimed the demon, rubbing his forelimbs together eagerly. "This one has a gift for weaving both cocoons and possibilities! She was a most worthy adversary, I cannot even BEGIN to imagine what she must be like as an ally..." "Can you just focus on the mission?" she protested. "Yes, yes, of course, my little ones are tracking the dragons as we speak" chuckled the demon, eerily in tune with her as both of them cast out their abilities. It appals her how in synch they are, the demon's flagrant aura of fear and worst case scenarios providing as a camouflage and a causal for her more subtle machination. Spooky and calamitous (yet broadly positive) outcomes reached out to shape events in Tarkir, giving her room to provide more finesse. "As for you, Shry, you're with me" ordered Avacyn. "Ah, of course. To counterspell the counterspeller?" teased the plane-eating horror of the team. Avacyn stared daggers at her. "That, and because I trust you less than Valgavoth" 2/5 Two major possibilities unfurled before her, as the Elder Dragons reeled against nightmares of defeat by humanoids again and cellarspawn feted the clan leaders with promises of untold power from beyond their world. In the first, they cut off the serpent's head. Thwarted the planeswalker at the epicentre of all this, bound him, stilled him with words of power-and brought him low. Leaving his pursuers and former friends into confused conflict towards the Mediation Realm's crisis. "I really do admire your work, you know" said Valgavoth, twitching with anticipation. "Your power is unprecedented. Unprecedented! For all our foes' might, they have nothing to countermand such elegant manipulation" In the second, they dealt with the pursuers one by one. Convincing, disarming, banishing. And in exchange, they risked Sarkhan and Taigam succeeding in their quest to turn Sarkhan into a sentient Dragonstorm-spewing forth parodies of dragons on every plane. "...so erm, whenever you're ready, I AM hoping we can cooperate to make something beautiful here" babbled the demon. They weren't the only solutions. But the others involved either letting Jace's meddling go unabated, or letting one of the demons subsume more of this plane with their essence. Neither was palatable. "Narset knows the most about what is at stake. We start with her" she said. "Ah yes, the weak link" breathed Valgavoth.

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A trivial distraction. A stampede of hatchlings cut off Narset from her compatriots, allowing Valgavoth to weave a vision around her: A vision in which they had time to explain the fullness of what was at stake. Ajani was next. His spell nullification would have been problematic head-on, but evading head-on problems was Aminatou's gift. He was lured off the beaten path shortly after rescuing Narset and being troubled by her exclamations, where a pool of visions conjured by Valgavoth showed him how far Sarkhan had fallen. 3/5 That left Elspeth. Against the demon's protests that as the most dangerous of the trio, she should have been corrupted, Aminatou insisted she at least meet in good faith with the company now they were heatedly debating what they had just seen. She explained her cause, entreated their aid in stopping Sarkhan, made clear Jace had no part in this-and omitted the demon's presence, lurking at the edges of their conspiracy. Elspeth was taken aback enough by the whole debacle without having to account for an actual redeemed demon, and unwilling to overlook an earnest little girl with fate powers quickly agreed to prepare instead of charging ahead. "ON ALL LEVELS EXCEPT THE PHYSICAL" Sarkhan was screaming into the Blind Eternities, "I AM A DRAGON. EVERYONE WILL HAVE DRAGONS IN THEIR BACKYARD, AND EVERYONE WILL BE HAPPY!" "Sarkhan, you have to stop this madness!" shouted Aminatou as the outraged Planeswalker swatted at the other free with winds of dragon-infused tempestuous magic. A few causal strings snapped were all it took to unravel the storm-while Valgavoth webbed Taigam to the ground,prone. "You are not a real dragon! You have no wings, you have no fiery breath, you don't even lay eggs! You are a living time paradox twisted by uncontrollable mana into a parody of draconic perfection!" "NEVER!!!" he bellowed, forcing wide the Omenpaths with all the dragon energy at his disposal-which also made nudging his fate harder, much harder. The raw magical power she was unravelling simply churned onwards like a tide beating back a sand castle, and yet she scribbled away desperately. Valgavoth cleared his throat. "AHEM. Planar Expansion: Predatory Cocoon Estate!" And suddenly, strands of silk and floorboards were erupting from him, in all directions, forming a rickshaw pocket reality around the surprised Sarkhan that looked like Escher had drawn a Scooby Doo episode. 4/5 The very spirit of an entire plane's era! Summoned and manifested in a different plane like a Planeswalker's minion! For a minute, the rage of Sarkhan beat back the Planar Expansion in a stalemate. Then suddenly he stopped. In the blink of an eye, Sarkhan found himself in Tarkir as he'd always imagined it: A noble land ruled by noble dragons, himself counted as one of them. His broodmates cheered on his flashy flight path, and Atarka herself acknowledged his strength. And so, Sarkhan just...let go. "I didn't even know magic was possible" confessed Aminatou, later. "You...you changed the future. You saved this plane" "You do yourself a disservice, girl!" chortled Valgavoth. "Manifesting a dream of that calibre required GREAT concentration, one only made possible by your causal interference. As I divined, we make a GREAT team!" "We do" she finally acknowledged. "Thank you. I couldn't have saved this plane without you. I...didn't think you'd actually try" Valgavoth sighed. "I understand your mistrust. I certainly can't deny taking wicked glee in" he said, waving a hand vaguely at the both the brood leaders and clan chiefs running around screaming as their own incarnate fears forcibly united them in desperation "the methods I use here" "Do you really think it's possible to use evil methods for good, Valgavoth? There were other ways. Less risky ways. To resolve this" "You could have stopped their hearts, with how you control fate" "I don't deal in certainties, you know. I just...steer things. It's fun. It prevents me from overreaching" "Ah, but you steer them with such adroit skill you can take a Spark before it's time! Can good come out of evil? All I can say is however bent and crooked the path to get there, I'm game to try. Just look at those fated outcomes of yours" Aminatou thought about the inevitable future I represented, and my promise to her of a new outcome, and she smiled. "That, I can't deny" 5/5

>>111103 [Magic the Gathering: Duskmourn - House of Horror redux] He has always lived in fear. That is not the same thing as being afraid. That others cried out in the night was his lifeblood. Seeing it all from the other side has been lifechanging, but not so much as a realisation of the stakes at hand. Once, he would have thought himself supreme even in bondage. Now, as the Meditation Plane heaved and trembled like a boiling cauldron, he felt like a frog in a well. “THERE HAS BEEN ENOUGH PAIN!” Jace was screaming. His eyes had dark bags under his eyes, and his hands shook like an addict. Avacyn’s curse had been no idle threat. Nor was the strength of his conviction. “The Phyrexian invasion! Elspeth’s death! Our compleation!”. Instead of arriving directly at the Meditation Plane, he had reaped mana from the Dragonstorm itself, and from the lands of Tarkir. His mortal form was visibly cracking under the strain. “THIS IS NOT A JUST MULTIVERSE. Even now, the Dragonstorms-“ “-HAVE BEEN ROUTED BY MY ALLIES!” shouted Avacyn right back. He didn’t know the full details of her reforging, but once he was told Avacyn was bound to Innstrad-and now she had somehow attained a Spark of her own. Or something so similar as to be indistinguishable. “You would remake this multiverse fecklessly, without plan or research, presuming yourself more knowledgeable than the other Planeswalker who pervades this planet! HOW IS THAT ANY DIFFERENT FROM WHAT NAHIRI WOULD MAKE OF ZENDIKAR?!’ Draconic maws and currents of blue mana clashed against spears of light raining from on high. It was clear as day Jace lacked the stamina for this fight-but that his recklessness might sunder the plane before his body. Fear, he mused. Fear, and grief, and regret. These things had driven a student of the mind to folly. Fortunately, Valgavoth added, they also blinded him to an immobilising spurt of silk from behind. 1/5 “It is over. You will NOT endanger the multiverse as so many others before you, and you will NOT sacrifice lives in the present for a lost past” proclaimed Avacyn, shining like the sun as the magic behind her creation empowered her in the face of an existential threat to all mortalkind. “But this is not just!” Jace wept, collapsing in a heap. His companion struggling to hold him together instead of to dissuade his recklessness. It had taken on a darkened sheen, a malevolent and ominous shadow. Valgavoth looked askance to find Shry, once a being he would have envied as a fortunate rival and now an unspoken comrade in demonic solidarity slaved to the magic of order, scowling from within the Plane’s depths. Silently fuming at being relegated to stabilising the Meditation Plane. “How can you…how can you look at what has transpired and do nothing? People have died. Should we not heal, or banish evil spirits, or BETTER OURSELVES in the face of overwhelming adversity-“ “I did not say you should” said Avacyn, not unkindly. “I merely warned you that this particular course of action, with your level of preparation, was doomed”. She knelt down to him, healing his wounds with her own hands. “If you truly wish to mend the multiverse, go to those of your fellows who can be trusted. Take a consensus. Then. The Oikumene has the means to design your salvation” It did not take as long as Jace feared. Once the haze of desperation had cleared, among those still living there were really very few he could trust, even once their trust was won back with penitence. Chandra gave him an earful then basically threw her hands up and told him to do whatever he wanted as long as he didn’t interrupt her honeymoon. Elspeth and Ajani everything that happened to them had a higher reason. Nissa had just asked him to care about the plants. Lilliana had simply sent him a letter that read “I get it” and an invitation to guest lecture at Strixhaven. Davril simply requested a better blend of tea. 2/5 “And that should be everything” said Jace, sometime later. How much wasn’t certain, Valgavoth knew, not from lack of knowledge but genuine ambiguity. If the Meditation Plane was a pool of water, the Plane of Zeal was a midday cloud. Geometric shapes swirled in circular formations that went in two directions at once around them, guided by a superior will into perfect accord. My will. “Yes, after the…disappearance of Yawgmoth, we need not remove the remaining Phyrexians to save a majority from their onslaught” agreed Avacyn, stabbing at a flash of history believed into existence. “We need only redirect them. Say your Sorin, Ugin and…the betrayer had the foresight to seal their plane as well as the Eldrazi. Say they only escaped into the Blind Eternities, or worlds so hostile as to border them. Say your friend Nissa made contact with their World Tree sooner. There” she exhaled, “the approximate causal chain of events leading to the Omenpaths is preserved, but multitudes are spared mutilation. Indoctrination. Violation” “Thank you. I won’t forget this” said Jace Beleren, who Yawgmoth saw was too elated by old scars mending along with history to notice Avacyn stiffening as he left to be the bearer of good news. “It was a pleasure, Jace Beleren” she said stiffly. “Thank…thank you, for being amenable to reason” The archangel’s fear was a vintage not unlike that of the beasties: The fear of protecting those she cherished. He saw her eyes trail history, then narrow in sudden cold murderous fury at a particular anomaly. Without a word she flew through an Omenpath. leaving Valgavoth to ponder alone. “Valgavoth, my familiar, friend” I said, startling him, my voice echoing from everywhere and nowhere. “Exhale. Decompress. Shrug off your ruined silks and rest. No one confines or hounds you right now. This is a place of life, a place of peace” 3/5 “…master? Where are you?” asked Valgavoth. “Everywhen. Everywhere” I said simply. “As Ugin merged with the Meditation Plane, I’ve found this one. Comfortable. Enough to permeate. It makes the harmonious tuning of the multiverse more…euphonic, too”

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“Yes. Yes, that’s right, you have full control over this plane…” a thought struck him “but then! You could simply remake the multiverse whenever you please!” “I could. And I have, even without this plane. And it pleases me to consider a second opinion” I said patiently. “Out there among the worlds, we ask the only question that matters when all is said and done. A question like, how will you live? When the stars burn down to cinders, the gods tramp down to their graves and the next crisis endangers all that is and ever could be, what are the right and proper actions to take?” “And what is the answer?” asked Valgavoth. “I have an answer. I always have an answer. It is an absolute injustice to live in a world with gods unable to sustain their claims to deserve worship, and archangels little better than broken toys. But the answer I found was bittersweet. So I will send Avacyn forth to see if she can forge a new answer, an answer of rule by law and right making might. Quenched in an absolute intolerance for second chances scorned” Valgavoth stared at the plane Avacyn had entered, saw her eyes alight with wrath. “I don’t understand, master. I always assumed you chose me to be your monster. Your scourge upon the multiverse” “You have interpreted the data incorrectly. Let there be no misunderstandings between us: You and all your current compatriots are doing what you do because I am interested in more than one answer. In your case, the question is this: Is it better to be born to morality, or to form it from a position of amorality? Given privilege over the forces of the arcane as well as enlightenment about your place in it, is your final shape still that of a predator?” Valgavoth saw the skies rain fire. “You can stay here, and do nothing” Valgavoth leapt through the Omenpath. “But you will not” I said to nobody. “Because some questions demand answers writ in fire” 4/5 The enraged angel smashed into Nahiri hard enough to break every bone in her body. “Angel! Angel, that is enough” said Valgavoth, even as purifying flame washed over him. “Who ASKED” snarled Avacyn. “You should not be here” “This woman regrets her actions-“ “Regret? REGRET?! What do you know of REGRET?” shouted Avacyn. And there they might have fought, had Valgavoth not manifested a small and pathetically defiant power from his plane he knew the angel respected between them. “You slaughtered your own plane gleefully! You’ve never cared for your followers! Had to suffer them CRYING OUT FOR YOU AS THEIR PLANE DIED” “No, I have not! So if you are an angel of your word, STOP COPYING ME!” She froze. “You DARE-“ “I dare! I AM a demon! Do you WANT to be like me?! She is weakened! You could have ended this in an instant!” shouted Valgavoth, jabbing at her with one forelimb. “You were the one who told me we fought for rule of law! If you want her tortured, I’LL DO IT! I promise you I know more about fear than you ever will! But what kind of an example will you set by killing a woman WHO AGREES WITH YOU?!” “It’s…true” gasped Nahiri, crumpled on the ground. “Planeswalkers…were…a mistake. Imsorry. I am so, so, s-orry…Ill never…let one…set…foot…here…” Avacyn touched the Glimmer that Valgavoth had pulled from the memories of this land’s slain, like a delicate snowflake that could shatter with the slightest movement. It resembled her in miniature. “Your apologies” she spat, “are like EXCREMENT upon your lips. Give me an excuse. Any excuse. And I will end you” “You are right, demon” she told Valgavoth, quietly. “She is not worth this” Avacyn paused. Valgavoth wasn’t moving to follow her, he was whispering at Nahiri. “What are you doing?” “Ah ah ah, I AM a demon remember” said Valgavoth, cheerfully. “It is my prerogative to tempt and torment damned souls…like say, with the burden of labouring for redemption” He tensed, but Avacyn actually flashed a small, satisfied smile at him. “See to it she knows all of her sins intimately” she said. 5/5

Hollow Knight and Hollow Knight: Voidheart redux] The small husk of an insect person made a high, shrill whistling noise-probably the air through it’s hollow eyesockets-as I hurled it bodily into the Abyss from whence it came. It was over. … WHAT NOW? asked the Radiance. “What?” I asked. I MEAN…WHAT ARE YOUR INTENTIONS NOW? ARE YOU ALSO GOING TO FIGHT ME FOR SUPREMACY OVER THIS WORLD? “What. No, I’m leaving. My work here is done” I said. YOU TOO ARE A GOD. WITHOUT FOLLOWERS, ALL MEMORY OF YOU WILL BE LOST AND YOU WILL SLIP FROM THIS TENUOUS EXISTENCE. “I’ll be fine, I’m built different. In any case I have a solution: I’ll create my own race” I DON’T UNDERSTAND. “Using my avatar template from this world that combines your traits, those of the Nightmare King, the Void, and the Godhome, I’m going to create Grimmchildren. But like, with the innate hivemind and immortality of the Void, an inherent connection to dreams, and of course their own radiance. Most importantly of all, like the Godseekers they will be inherently happy in slavish servitude” OH. The Radiance stared at the desolation left in the wake of the Pale King’s doomed attempt to seal her. There was a long, long caravan of bugs leading out of the city led by a familiar pink light. Opportunists had been hounded to the edges of the remaining temporary settlements to seethe. Without the Hollow Knight’s misadventure, this kingdom was clearly broken beyond repair. I ALWAYS THOUGHT THERE WOULD BE…MORE, UPON MY RETURN, she said, eventually. “Why? It’s not like I’m defending the concept of individuality, but I think everyone involved has made their opinion very clear and that it’s a lost cause by now. I don’t know about you, but I’m not wasting my time with diminished vagabounds when I could be designing an actually compliant species” The Radiance stared at me impregnating the landscape. CAN YOU…SHOW ME HOW TO DO THAT? she said, finally. 1/4 Much time had passed. Much of the land surrounding the Pale King’s kingdom had been colonised by my small adorable Grimmchildren. The Radiance, who had learned the art of creating beings in her image from me, had in turn created a glowing fluffy moth kingdom in the high reaches. There was a standing trade agreement between us, and some of our children-united by shared terror by the free bug races-had even interbred. The typical routine of a Grimmchild was waking up, learning important lessons like how I had slain the other Nightmare King and the fighting arts of the Godseekers, then going to bed to play amongst their kin, then waking up again and-well, you get the idea. There was enough intellectual activity to stimulate the advancement of the civilisation without having an impact on the material world, and with my blessing they continued to adapt and grow brighter with each temporary death. An eternal civilisation with one mind and one will. Optimal. “Hey Anon, I see you’re very very happy with your freaky eldritch kingdom of torpid stagnation!” said Elodie brightly one day, kicking down the door with some needle-wielding lost princess trailing behind her. “I was wondering: How would you like me to take care of a…political rival for you?” “It is pretty great seeing my people do literally nothing but prosper forever, yes. Gee Elodie, are you trying to repeat the insipid and agonising experiment of individuality somewhere else despite it amounting to nothing but failure and devastation?” “What? Why would I EVER do THAT?” I rolled my eyes at her obvious and sarcastic evasion. “Well. It’s no skin off my back. Are the original inhabitants still caravanning around the place?” “…they are still deathly terrified of your hivemind cult kingdom, yes” “Well don’t look at me, I’m not even bothering to enforce anti bug-gypsy laws”

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2/4 Time passed. Some of my Grimmchildren had evolved into giant pulsing fluffy white hearts that built miniature Godhomes of their own. Godhostels? “Anon, aren’t you even SLIGHTLY concerned by Grand Mother Silk?” “No” “…why?” “Elodie, she’s the most low-tier higher being I’ve seen since coming here. Doesn’t have any apparent connection to dream essence, has a fraction of the reverence and power over her own damn kingdom than either the Pale King or the Radiance did with theirs, needs to be PHYSICALLY PRESENT in the world to influence mortals-nah, it’ll be fine. Besides I enjoy bug fascism” “I can’t help but notice you’ve been untoggling your passive world-bettering, good fortune providing and redeeming perks. Are you sure it’s not that you more admire the IDEA of bug fascism and not-“ “-I did that to stabilise the local socioeconomic dynamics. If you notice quality of life improving over in distant Pharloom, take it as less of a protest and more of an attempt to preserve the status quo. True bug fascism HAS been tried, HERE, SUCCESSFULLY” “ANYWAY, I was just wondering if I could borrow a few things for my friend Hornet here-“ “Armoury’s two bosses down the western corridor, and straight on past the fountain. The spawn don’t use it ever since we learned how to just DREAM better weapons into existence” “Alright thanks!” That was the first conversation I’d had in weeks that wasn’t TRADE OFFER ACCEPTED from the Radiance or surreal phantasmagorical communication with my children. Several days later, I sensed Pharloom being briefly engulfed by Void tendrils that eventually fell apart revealing no queen and two princesses in charge of what remained. I rolled my eyes at Elodie and her little games. “Anon! You’ll never believe what just happened, Grand Mother Silk fell into a great big hole! It was such a terrible tragedy!” blurted out Elodie disingenuously. I sighed. 3/4 “Gee Elodie, I don’t suppose you and your friend ran into some sort of artificial construct made of the Void’s substance while down there who helped you overcome this alleged bug fascist?” I grumbled. “Why YES Anon, SOMEONE appears to have thrown a small hollow knight into the Void, jumpstarting his evolution into the representative of his lost kin’s hivemind!” said Elodie brightly. “We met him during our travels and he’s been a GREAT help, says someone’s been dropping educational scrolls and supplies from the overworld to him ever since” The Grimmchildren HAD been littering the Void out of boredom and amusement that the Void sometimes littered back, I mused. I was going to have to formalise another trade agreement. “Well, well. By the way, am I hearing this right? Are those disenfranchised bugs from the old ruined city now settling in Pharloom?” “Why YES Anon, it’s almost like it’s actually possible to build a functioning society with free will!” sing-songed Elodie. “And you can bake a house out of gingerbread, but that doesn’t make it any sturdier than concrete. Which is my cool, stable, prosperous and very cute kingdom of fuzzy Grimmchildren by the way” I ranted as she danced out of the castle, followed by excited Grimmkids. … WAIT, ARE WE STILL TALKING ABOUT THAT WEAKLING SILK-SPINNER? asked the Radiance. “Apparently yes” BUT…WHY? EVEN HER OWN WEAVERS MERELY ABANDONED HER RATHER THAN OVERTHROW HER. JUST…MOVE OUT OF HAUNTING RANGE. I CONSIDERED RECRUITING OR DEFEATING HER HEIR, BUT EVEN THAT JUST SEEMS POINTLESS. “I know, right? All of that just seems like a waste of time” I said, rubbing the belly of a particularly fat and cuddly Grimmchild. 4/4

>>112751 [Magic the Gathering - Duskmourn: House of Horrors redux] >Previously: https://archive.4plebs.org/tg/thread/96494439/#96512721 “There has been enough suffering”. Enough? How does any sane being define “enough” in an ever-shifting multiverse where ideals shatter like glass and there is no absolute morality save what the most powerful can enforce? Enough, she decided long ago, was an excuse concocted by the strong to do what they wanted anyway. That’s alright though. By process of elimination, it left strength as the only moral absolute. She was born from an arrow of ever-shifting cursed wood puncturing the heart of an Elder Dragon. What slithered out saw a plane every bit as vicious as Grixis but far more enduring, where demonkind and their vampire knights fought against those born with even greater power. So she stuck to the shadows but inched towards the pinnacle of power. Thus, she learned the plane was doomed by it’s own calamitous corrosion. She manipulated bickering higher powers. She salvaged abandoned workings. Made generous offers to the disenfranchised. And when her underlings betrayed her, there was no price she didn’t pay to regain the advantage. And so, she won. She engulfed the Worldsoul of her plane, reigning as it’s goddess-queen… …for all of two weeks before the whole thing was rent asunder. And…was that enough? It had to be, right? So why was she fighting to live? Why was she calling out for salvation? “Because” I said, on the borders of our souls, “this state of affairs is utterly unacceptable, demon” Shrylariatha, she thought. She is so much more than that. The God-Queen of Firaxis. The Serpent-Hive. The Encaged Gaoler who wielded her prison b- -but, ah. The very incarnation of the principle and power which is the closet to holiness she will ever know has spoken. It is…strange to her, that I have chosen White over Black mana. But it’s not for the weak to question the strong. So, “demon” it is. 1/5 She opened her eyes, and reassessed reality. https://magic.wizards.com/en/news/magic-story/planeswalkers-guide-to-edge-of-eternities The angel was comically shouting at nothing, flapping her wings impotently in the interstellar void. Hardly a lethal condition for beings of their calibre, but in her haste to come here and take what was promised she was having to improvise new spells on the fly. Valgavoth, her compatriot, had been temporarily flustered too-silk strands drifted through the void-but due his prior experience with manifesting a localised reality had recovered far sooner. Now all he had to do was figure out how to actually get somewhere without constantly teleporting Amanitou was trapped in a golden bubble the angel had hastily made to save her from her own hubris. “Well, well. It looks like it’s just you and me” she told the hilarious stack of rodents who was the only other member of the team that had acclimated quickly to space travel. “Kekeke priority target located, over” they chittered over their hermetically sealed suit’s intercoms. “It’s not unlike swimming through the more alien depths of Hell, you know? Before…before Anon sundered it all” she mused. Out of some professional respect and mostly to keep score, she left a mystical beacon for the others before abandoning her more sophisticated avatar for a river of eel-like serpents undulated towards the strange vault of unknown metals. Deeznuts followed in little puffs of concussive mana. After digesting some of them in pools of corrosive venom the locks, she thought, were far beyond any artifice she’d seen. Fortunately this plane’s understanding of MAGIC was lower than some farmhands’ she’d known. So that was alright. The squirrels had proudly unfurled a sophisticated array of magitehc lockpicking tools but she’d already turned the whole thing into cheese and carved through it. They wilted, dejectedly. 2/5

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“Diligent as always, aren’t you?” said Valgavoth, having given up on space propulsion and just Omenpathed his way over into the vault. “So, that is it? The so-called Endstone?” “That, and none other” said Shrylariatha, tossing it up and down. “Just imagine! One of us need only desire it, and causality itself will conform to a preordained outcome. You can, can’t you, friend? Savour the possibilities of this thing…” “Yes…a perfect weapon for a mastermind” Valgavoth drooled in excitement. “In other words…it is a meagre version of what Anon is preparing to do” he mused. “And it’s not ours, so the angel will want to give it back” moaned Shrylariatha. “And it comes with other costs of course-but what doesn’t?” “Hmm. A conundrum…is this where you turn against us?” “Only if I openly oppose Avacyn Charity-Case” she chided him, allowing Deeznuts to scan the object, while flexing her own magic to create a simulacrae. Data for the Amicable (she cackled) Oikumene. Valgavoth side-eyed her as they settled into the avuncular company of prisoners sharing a cell. There was no true kinship among demons as humans understood it, none of the stultifying framework they called a “social contract”. What they also did not understand, Shrylariatha thought, was that there could however be RESPECT among those both well-fed and bound to a common purpose. Why in damnation’s name did they think a contract enforced by hellfire and damnation was less meaningful, not more? “Is it true?” Valgavoth said, finally. “Is Hell really gone?” “It is, sweet lostling” “The thought scarcely beggars imagining. It’s always been there, from the beginning…” “And now, it’s not. Do you really think Anon would stand for a world where Serra’s realm dies and ours lives? What do you think he did?” She laughs without humour. “He MADE SURE. He made me do it” 3/5 Outside, she knows, two forces are converging on this site. One a fanatical civilisation of number-worshippers (through the binding between her soul and the world-searing intensity that might be his soul, she senses an intense aesthetic approval), the other a cult of entropic cultists (Magnanimous contempt, but also…pity? An impression of a broken harp that can be restrung to pluck the golden chords of infinity from? The static imperatives in place of mortal desires are bewildering to a thing like her). They cannot sense how their faith is a crescendo of sturm and drang, a calamitous potentiality that correctly harnessed can give rise to something of true value. To me. “He used me as a warlock uses a familiar” she said. “Siphoning the heat and filth of my world into power. He snuffed out the firepits. He melted the great fortresses to slag, and he burnt every soul contract to ash. He made the great of our kind beg for the right to beg, and he cursed the meagre of our kind to be allergic to common kitchen condiments, all to reinforce the self-verifying truth he enforces on every world” “No planeswalker has ever found our Hell” breathed Valgavoth, as an event horizon started to shine and as 2 + 2 suddenly added up to Anon, to me. “Not one of them has set foot in the sanctuary that is every demon’s birthright. At least tell me what manner of magic he used” “I can’t…I don’t have the words for it, Val. I don’t know what I saw” she muttered. “He would sing or…conduct, and the song would become light and waves that were as one with battle. His light would shatter things, and remake them into these deformed, shattered, undying slaves. As if he was reducing them to only what he found useful. He would call pillars of this smokeless white fire, and it would scorch earth and sky. And never stop burning. I still see the flames, when I shut my eyes” 4/5 “And then” she said, licking her lips, “he made me lick up all the remaining mana so nothing strong could ever grow. Do you understand now, Val? I am Hell. He has turned the demonic doctrine of strength against us. We will prove our worth, or perish when his judgement arrives” I began to manifest. The event horizon inverted. There was an impression of transcendental mathematics, of equations on gematria, and suddenly everything makes sense. Monoism and Summism are reconciled. There is no need to hasten to the inevitable post-singularity state because it is immanent in the darkness of space, and because it is an outward manifestation of the societal formulae there is no need to sacrifice for society. The critical part is making truth conform to belief. “Avacyn” I called out, “Avacyn, have you found it? That prize I promised you” “Yes, lord!” said Avacyn brightly, holding up a cat. “I’ve found these cats, which can traverse unfathomable distance in a moment! They can help transmit our blessings far faster!” I stared her down. For a moment, the demon petulantly dwelled on the thought that the least gargoyle is closer to my vision of perfect finality than the greatest demon-a protest instantly snuffed out when my attention is drawn towards her. “And that is all?” I asked. “Ought there be?” she asked. The demon waved the Endstone at her. “Ah, I believe that CLEARLY belongs to someone else” said Avacyn, recalling it to herself. Presently, an advanced alien android stepped out expectantly. Avacyn handed over the stone. It thanked her and left. “Not at all. The mission parameters are yours to determine. Proceed” I told her. Shry looked up at me and I looked down at her, and she prayed the secret prayer of all my truest devotees: If the multiverse is truly the remit of the powerful, then I will monopolise power in the name of peace and harmony. At any cost. Aye Mak Sicur. I’ll make sure. 5/5

[Gundam: Universal Century redux] It was another wonderful day. I looked out the window, shook my fist at the very concept of giant robots, and started plotting to level human civilisation to rid existence of the Gundam menace. I shared a morning coffee with Elodie before heading out for work. Somewhere, Char and Amuro were getting up to no good. It was another wonderful day. I looked out the window, shook my fist at the very concept of giant robots, and started plotting to level human civilisation to rid existence of the Gundam menace. I shared a morning coffee with Elodie, who told me there was a rounding error in accounting she had to take care of, before heading out for work. Somewhere, Char and Amuro were getting up to no good. It was another wonderful day. I looked out the window, shook my fist at the very concept of giant robots, and started plotting to level human civilisation to rid existence of the Gundam menace. I shared a morning coffee with Elodie, who told me she was going to have to put in overtime to deal with the rounding error, before heading out for work. Somewhere, Char and Amuro were getting up to no good. It was another wonderful- “Master!” shouted Grail, kicking down the door to my futuristic yet imperialistically Japanese fortress, “We’re trapped inside of a space-time anomaly!” “Yeah I was wondering how long it would take for Elodie to confess to it” I admitted, sipping my coffee. “I have to say, I’m disappointed she thinks so little of my spatio-temporal awareness that I wouldn’t sense A NEW TIMELINE overwriting my current one” “…wait, you’ve known? You are. Being remarkably calm about this” said Grail, perplexed. “It’s hard not to be with how simple the solution is” I said, finishing my coffee. “C’mon. Let’s pay Mr. Aznable a visit” The clearest sign this timeline was anomalous was the fact that Char was actually tired of winning. 1/4 Despite successfully stealing the Gundam and the Pegasus the inherently factitious nature of Zeon combined with the threat of utterly burning bridges by destroying Earth had finally convinced him of what I’d known for years: That he should’ve never existed. I showed up in a particularly brooding mood, offering a devil’s bargain (well, angel’s bargain) for his obliteration in exchange for world peace. A mutually beneficial exchange I was very pleased to see him accept. And there, and then the story should’ve ended with all my efforts at pushing renewable energy, and releasing Gundam-sabotaging grey goo swarms, and economically sponsoring different forms of technology being finally given up in favour of primitive crossroads demon-tier magic. But the core anomaly was resistant. Even as burning sigils of Old Realm heralded the dawn of a new era, a sudden flare of Newtype energy grated against it. As if reality itself was rejecting existence without Char Aznable. Because it was. “Master, the anomaly should be localised HERE” said Grail, opening a Boom Tube to a massive Mobile Armour containing what turned out to be a previous version of Lalah Sune from several timelines ago, “inside this container. The very container that Elodie-“ she gritted her teeth as Elodie snuck out. And froze, like a deer in headlights “-was seen near OH LOOK SHE’S LITERALLY INTERFERING WITH OUR GOALS, CAN WE PLEASE PUNISH HER FOR ONCE?!” “Wait, wait!” exclaimed Elodie, protectively taking a sumo stance in front of the Armor, “Look at the future! The anomaly resolves-“ “-after unnecessary, avoidable conflict. Stand aside, kid” “Nobody needs to die today!” “I. Agree” I said patiently. Elodie blinked. “Y-you do?” she asked, right as Grail finally lost patience and tackled her off the giant robot. I walked into the vehicle called the Rose of Sharon, loomed over Lalah menacingly, and cast Obliviate on her memories of Char. 2/4 “Well, that was easy” I said as the girls continued to roll around scrapping with Elodie burdened by not wanting to blind a nearby former therapy patient with her full power and Grail forced to pull her punches against MUH Elodie. “Now that we’ve all gotten past this little squabble, you two can…burn off some steam. And then we can talk about what just happened” Presently a time janny showed up and looked confused. “The situation has been resolved. Your services are no longer required” I told him. He left. “SO, as Elodie should have TOLD me from the start” I told them in a reset timeline, “for some time now Newtypes have been able to CREATE ENTIRE TIMELINES WITH THEIR SPACE MAGIC PSYCHIC POWERS. I am not going to break down the quantum physics behind that because it’s basically space magic anyway. The important thing is the resets were caused by this timeline’s Lalah yearning for a Char who never came to pick her up from the seedy brothel she was stuck in. NEXT TIME, Elodie, consider if a dumb military experiment being ploughed over and over again by fat faceless men of indistinct identity’s mental health is worth an entire history shaped by Zeon bloodthirst spilling out over the planet like plague rats” “So…you’re NOT committed to murder or the erasure of free will this time?” asked Elodie finally as Grail sulked on the other corner of the couch mumbling murderous nothings.

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“Why?” I said blankly. “You know there’s more than one Newtype out there, right? You realise this can happen RETROACTIVELY? Frankly, neither is a sustainable solution at that point. As a matter of fact Lalah isn’t even a particularly powerful Newtype. Imagine what happens if Kamille or Judau decides they really REALLY want banana pudding one day. We need to treat the UNDERLYING problem of humans evolving into the fucking Q while still mindbroken by the fallout from their pointless giant robots wars” 3/4 Slowly, Grail put up her hand. “…far be it from me to question your will but uh, I’ve never actually been clear. Why DO you hate giant robots so much?” “Wait, isn’t it obvious?” I barked, slapping myself up the head. “It’s the waste! Do you know how sophisticated technology needs to BE for a humanoid war machine to outperform modern tanks the size of it’s foot? Do you have any idea what kind of algorithms enable tactile responsiveness to a human pilot? You can run an entire large learning model off one SWING from some of those energy swords! Look, LOOK at what they have to do to imitate a FRACTION of an actual Kadmon’s power, Elodie. There are countless ways to improve the human condition with technology. Nanites, arcologies, dyson swarms. And instead of that, every timeline with giant robots in it chose to spend energy and resources on engaging in a DICKMEASURING CONTEST with PHYSICS. ” “Noted, thank you for sharing master” said Grail earnestly. “I’ll tell your cosmic engineering corps to build fewer Subjukators and more Micro-Marks” “And that” I said decisively, “is why I’m going to prevent Lalah from meeting Char in ANY timeline!” Elodie had learned to think very quickly whenever I’d made up my mind about a thing. “…nah, that’s not what you want to do” she said shrewdly. “Elodie, your Jedi mind trick isn’t going to preserve this absurd use of free will” “No but think about it logically” pointed out Elodie, “you don’t want Char to get in the giant robots. Char NO LONGER wants to get in the giant robot. And Lalah wants Char to get inside of her. This all happened because Char DID NOT get inside of her. Isn’t it a win-win?” I thought about that. “Huh. Yeah, it kind of is. Good feedback, Elodie” I proceeded to alter causality so Char literally tripped and fell dick-first into a virginal Lalah with a bouquet of roses in one hand and a wedding ring in the other. 4/4 As I looked over the data entry where the strange events of recent times was recorded, I contemplated the designation assigned to it. GQuuuuuuX. It was the sixth variant of a line with a metasyntactic value. A placeholder name, popularised by Stanford university. A Japanese play on words for Sieg Aze, or Zeke Axe. A radionavigation warning. An inference of nuclear power from the conflux of electrical charge and potential velocity. Above all else though, it was the result of a small chubby monstergirl bouncing up and down on the data terminal for my attention, and accidentally typing random letters with her butt. Gquux. GQQQQQqqqqquuuuuuuUUUUUUUXXXX, typed the fat monstergirl butt.

>>117763 …not that I’m certain if anyone is still reading these walls of text, but for confirmation this is indeed an episode of Jiggle Lad chain.

>>117767 I still prefer Battlerchain. I enjoy reading these, but Battler had charm that jiggle lad doesn't.

>>117767 I read and enjoy them. I just don't know the settings enough to give comment most of the time.

[Borderlands redux] Drawback: Drawbacks: “This ain’t no vending machine!” (1100) Rolled New Haven, age 21 Drop-In Looter Shooter (Free) Bad Ass (900) Boom, Baby, Boom (Free) Legendary Luck (700) EXP Module (300) Phone a Friend: Backpack robot midget (0) ECHO device with HUD (Free) a melee weapon (Free) >Borderlands 1 Troubleshooter. The name of the game changes-assassin, bodyguard, even courier depending on the neighbourhood. But the nature of the beast doesn’t. I’d been working as a freelancer for some time, moving planet to planet for those fat paychecks. Because it turns out in an economy increasingly under threat by marauding gangs of surprisingly competent murderhobos, there’s a real market for someone fast. Someone tough. Someone efficient. Someone…who could out-vault run the vault runners. And if for whatever reason that didn't work out, there was always work at Moxxi's arena. Far as anyone could tell, I was one hell of a counter puncher-using Mirror Coat and Safeguard to wear out opponents, then suddenly hitting them with Counter. Even impressed the proprietress enough to find out she wasn't that Mad in private while giving her a Video-powered one-man gangbang. But I wasn’t just here to be a corporate drone. I was here to bang Commander Steele at our company-sponsored shitty little dive bar. Aura is a mystical force that connects all living things and grants one insight into spiritual matters, and there was a part of me that it was blasphemous to use it to neg a bitchy eastern european sexpot into drunken hatesex. But as I spanked my commander’s ass, I remembered the legends of human-pokemon marriage and contemplated the morality of getting eggs from Pokemon daycare centres. “Thank you, Arceus” I said to nobody while using Encore, Destiny Bond and Splash to absolutely screw her senseless. As a result, the not-so-good commander was passed out when certain Vault Hunters showed up. 1/6 “You work here?” one asked, from among all the guns pointed at me. “I’m off duty” I told them. Shit. One of them was a Siren. The other three were…comically over the top masculine. Bad time for a guy with low effort to be comically over the top masculine and thus a threat too, then. I paid well, but not well enough for this. “And” I added, “my company liason is…incapacitated. So if it’s all the same to you, I’m just going to pretend I didn’t see this" "They set ONE GUY to guard this facility?" Oh right. I had a standing agreement with all my employers not to disclose my powers-both for their sake, and mine. "I'm just the deliveryman, dude" “Fair enough” said what I assumed was their leader. “You know you’re working for a very, very bad man right?” “Who isn’t?" “Fair enough” he echoed.

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I caught the Siren checking me out as we left. The best and worst thing about Pandora was that sex tourism was cheaper than regular tourism. You didn’t need mystical spirit energy. Even being handsome wasn’t really a prerequisite. You just needed loot to flash around, and the spunk to keep up. “Freelancer, right?” she asked. “So they keep telling me” I said. “…when you’re done here, stay in touch? No offence but you don’t seem like you belong here” >Borderlands 2 Boy, was Lilith wrong about that. In the wake of Atlas’ collapse, word about my unique abilities started getting around. They called me the Crimson Comet. They’d never know Sonic called me the same thing. I spent my third year in this world inadvertently being a thorn in some Hyperion programmer’s side. A man of my particular skills made big money off things Vault Runners would consider chores, so when the company went under one of my on-off colleagues. I pointed out that I was mostly a solo act (the pokemon stayed home holding down the fort). She went on a tirade about professionalism and loyalty, and then added she’d pay in ass too if I wanted. 2/6 And that’s how Athena ended up sleeping a lot more peacefully at night. Being completely shameless that I was here on Pandora for company more than cash, at the same time I was engaged in this weird “divine union” with Lilith (we both ended up with raider cults that bumped into each other, and sort of went along with it to use them to maintain some semblance of community protection around the wastelands. It was basically like a protection racket but more honest, also an excuse to get high and screw), ensuring she was off the grid during…corporate restructuring for Hyperion. Simultaneously I took a contract from Moxxi to take down some sort of superweapon (this was after her arena went down; I never got the full details but heard something about a jealous ex) which I ended up taking down by draining with my Video powers and making backfire on itself. The payment was a threesome with some pirate girl. ...I'm telling everything this way just to make clear I did NOT anticipate how badly this would fuck over Handsome Jack literally, while fucking all the people critical to various junctions of his plan literally. That Jack ending up as a much smaller deal controlling far less territory as a result came down to dumb luck. That I didn't have the slightest ambition on Pandora other than "get paid, get laid" and "don't shit where you eat" which started with doing small favours for people who sold me their things and bodies, and expanded to having to organise lots of refugees when Atlas went down, and between one thing and another led to me accidentally becoming a wandering folk hero for a charitable religious movement. And therefore I could NOT have been prepared for when what I thought was supposed to be a simple extraction job led to me being face to face with a miserable Siren girl plugged "You said you wanted CARGO transported!" I yelled at them. "SHE'S the cargo! Can you fix her?!" they demanded. 3/6 "What?! Why would I even-" "We know you can do space magic! She's got a critical eridium addiction, you've gotta" "THAT'S NOW HOW THAT WORKS!!" "Please!" The facility we were in was under siege. "Fuck". There were death threats over the intercom. "Fuck". The poor girl was staring up at me and making desperate gurgling noises. "...fuck" I started desperately combining my Aura with a Video-created construct as a "health potion" I had no fucking clue how it would go. I tipped the whole thing down her throat hoping against hope this would work. She smiled. Said "thank you" And then died. ... ...for 20 minutes. I could have sworn we were hauling a corpse out of that place, glowing Siren powers be damned, when she suddenly revived during the escape. Jack's cries of rage turned to relief shortly before someone else found and pulped him. And I...needed a break from having a break, after that. >Borderlands 3 "Hey" "Hey" "You look...put together, Lilith" "You look like shit, Anon" "Yeah well, drinking your sorrows will-" "No I mean the suit and tie" "...oh right, Conduit physiology. Yeah uh Pandora was getting a bit too crazy, I got a desk job. Compliance. Compliance is always hiring" "You? A desk job!? Okay look, that's not important, there's...there's a job that's too big for me to pull off alone. We need an ace in the hole. Moxxi told me you dealt with the Eye of Helios by siphoning it. And Angel told me she felt some kind of connection while you were healing. I've been thinking...we've seen a lot more Sirens than just six, and you're not one. What if...what if you could be?" "Tell me it's worth it" "There's a monster down there that'll rip this planet apart and eat the nearest stars if it gets out" "...fuck, it. It never ends, huh?". I take a breath. No more fucking around. "What do you need from me?" "Trust". She extended her hand. She told me to try siphoning "video" energy from her tattoos. 4/6 And I saw- I saw that all Siren energy actually comes from a purple dimension that itself is called Phase I saw it was inherently unstable. That SOMETHING had been set in motion, bringing about the end of the universe Possibly something MALIGNANT. Something that ALL the Eridian Vaults had been created to hold back along ... After that, fighting an influencer riding a damage sponge monster didn't seem nearly as frightening. >Borderlands 4 It also meant that Lilith and Arjay were rescued from the Phase dimension much, much sooner than in canon since now that it's established sufficient contact with the Phase dimension, through experimentation or otherwise, can just give you bullshit space magic powers and both Conduits and Aura users being sponges for exotic energy particles, I was able to freely teleport-GREATLY improving the logistics for this one resistance colony on a faraway planet named Kairos Instead of running through a gamut of whacky themed bosses Lilith and I just went straight to fight The Timekeeper, a Guardian disguised as a human. By this point I'd long since stopped holding back. Like him I fought with geometric shapes and dubstep blasts, though mine were more of a cheery blue-and hit at supersonic speed, and hardlight replicas of all the guns I'd found. Lilith on the other hand had taken my advice and just teleported stuff in combat more. "I see now...everything breaks, even cages..." he croaked out, as he fell at last, a single robot midget still smacking his golden dome of a skull with a rock. The solemn realisation that he was as much a prisoner as a gaoler undercut by the midget now jumping up and down on his head. We went inside the vault and found darkness. Specifically, the darkness at the end of the universe 5/6 "Huh. You're seeing this too right, Anon?" "I wish I wasn't, but yeah. I'm seeing this, and it's creeping me out" "Hey c'mon, guy like you? What've you got to be afraid of" said Lilith as we approached an ominous glowing dark pyramid. "HEY, I've got a few tricks but I'm far from invincible. But that's not it" I said, hearing my own words fade into the void. "I just feel like..." I said, staring up at the blatant future version of Lilith coming back to warn us that the end of the universe had been set in motion, that we couldn't prevent this, but maybe with the spark she passed on to the present Lilith we'd survive. "It started with fire, now it will end in fire" "...I've seen all of this..." I said, looking at the golden clouds that looked like Resonance "...before" I said, thinking back to the geometric shapes fired by the Timekeeper. "End of the universe, pyramids, shapes, finality...it's like someone just walked over my grave" "Maybe they already have, Anon" "Howzat?" "Oh, right. You weren't with us when we found the Seer, huh? One of the Guardians called us Sirens acausal. Like, Pandora was SUPPOSED to be destroyed but I got in the way of that, right? Some of them can predict the future perfectly until one of us gets in the way. So hey, chin up! Maybe figuring out whatever's going on is...destiny" I stared at nothing as we left. The sensation of someone walking over my own grave was stronger than ever. I wanted to leave. Quickly. "Hey, we're still going to fuck when we get back right?" asked Lilith nervously, seeing my expression. "Oh yeah. Definitely. Need to forget about this place in a hurry" I said, focusing on that and not the foreboding sense of doom I had just experienced. 6/6

[Super Robot Wars: International Era redux] Super Robot Wars V Drop-In Basic Piloting Skills (Free) Keeping Myself Grounded (Free) The Realm of Infinite Possibilities (500) Dropped Into The Cockpit (Free) “Good morning, Lelouch vi Brittania” said Elodie politely “Good morning, Elodie” said Lelouch, accepting a morning tea from her. “Good morning, Ra Valbelm” said Elodie politely. “Good morning, Elodie” said Ra Valbelm, accepting a morning energy drink from her. Elodie continued to host the Inter-Era Space Tournament For The Future of Humanity, an attempt at limiting collateral damage by deciding the fate of the current dominant human cultures in an isolated pocket dimension instead of by open warfare. They were still negotiating fair terms of combat. A waste of time, I would’ve told her. But I’d long since learned neutrality was a blessing in a world this calamitous. There was one beverage left over. Elodie left the confines of the Milky Way on her shooting star, before seemingly snatching the Big Dipper constellation. It opened a higher dimensional gateway past hyper-adaptive memetics, gridfire arrays, and quantum timelocks to access the Pinnacle: A realm of pure Exaltation in which I had utmost confidence no giant robot pilot would ever enter. Because it was literally the realm of my dreams. “Good morning, Anon” said Elodie politely. “Good morning, Elodie” I said, accepting a coffee from her. “Are you sure you don’t want to-“ “No. We’ve discussed this. There are too many existential threats here. I must remain FOCUSED on the next Euzeth or Perfectio. I don’t have time to deal with lesser affairs” “You literally have all the time in the world and more” “THAT’S how bad things have gotten” I grumbled. 1/5 Elodie shook her head. “Well, I. Can’t exactly fault your diligence. Or complain about you trying to entirely subjugate civilisation-“ “Elodie, these people are insane. If they want to wallow in their fucking hot-blooded squalor, fine. FINE. I GIVE UP. As long as they’re not actively endangering the universe, they can earn their keep fighting the things that ARE. REPEATEDLY AND IN GREAT NUMBER” “I just wish you got out sometimes, you know. Oh well. Look I know you don’t like foreign contaminant so I’ll leave your coffee outside, next to the resource cache alright?” I stared at Elodie in abject. “The…the fucking what?” “Uh, the…supply cache…” “Elodie” I said in rising fury|panic, “Elodie, there IS no supply cache. We need to move. We need to move now” Resource Cache: Orthogonal Diagonolizer (200)

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Mech (100) -Import: Wormwood=Granzeboma (+1000, 1000), Majin Factor: Singular Point (200), Gattai (0) But there was. In fact, my old war chariot was part of it. The Antihelios grovelled in guilty protest as it had long ago when I’d been surprised my ancient act of mercy resulted in it ontologically welded to me. “W-wait, Anon, what’s going on?” stammered Elodie, staring at the multidimensional supply cache. “Now that you mention it, I DON’T remember these specific compounds being part of your loadout here” “That’s because they AREN’T” I snarled. “This is an even outside of time which means-“ I scanned the timeline. I saw it. Rising from a red sea, it’s singleminded destructive impulse at once all-knowing and predatory. And I saw IT too. “-TARGET SIGHTED” The force of my Apocalypse Comet Gaze was bolstered by the Golden Ratio, a spiritual soul made in the image of a legendary hero that made my attacks irreversible, AND an ontological weapon from the One Punch Man universe granting them unsurpassed force. It tore through the space-time continuum and ripped through the big lizard like it was a paperweight. “YEAAAAH, nice going!” shouted some spikey haired idiot as I portalled myself to stand between his fellow idiots and a churning sea of red higher dimensional molecules. “Pay attention, brief mortals! IT’S GETTING BACK UP!” I shouted. 2/5 “Amazing! Feel the fury of my-“ shouted some other hot-blooded menace. “NO! Can’t you tell what it IS?!” I bellowed as it (IT was still inert. Thank God) rose again. With supercomputer-like precision it turned it’s directed energy beam against me-a weapon no material of this reality could withstand. A Wakfu-Stasis portal opened up as I simultaneously forced open a portal network in the creature’s stomach. Lancing the creature apart from the inside with it’s own beam. And yet, it was- “REGENERATING! Look, look it’s a higher dimensional archetypal eschaton personification!” “English, doc?” asked some sidekick. “IT’S A GIANT LIZARD YOU CAN’T SMASH, CUT OR BURN TO DEATH!” I yelled. It somehow seemed even larger. Even bulkier. In my haste to demonstrate the futility of conventional force I realised I risk making it (maybe even IT) start adapting to my own considerable conventional force. “Well…there’s gotta be something we can do!” yelled a small girl. I brightened up. “Yes! Fold quartz, that should disrupt this tributary’s connection to the main source! SING!” “Wha?” SING DAMMIT, I ordered in the voice of outer power. “Except you! Jet Jaguar, get over here!” Everyone started singing except Jet Jaguar. “Hi-hi, what do you need from me?” asked the cheerful robot. “In a few more minutes your past iteration is about to solve the Orthogonal Diagonalizer, the only thing from this reality that can repel this entity” I said urgently. “I’m not taking that risk. You need to combine with my mech, NOW” “O-oh, okay!” We combined. Jet Jaguar obtained the power of the Orthogonal Diagonalizer. Elodie, having figured out what was going on by now, reached into the Gate of Babylon and handed Jet Jaguar an FTL transmitter. The big lizard locked onto me again. Not with incomprehension. No longer with surprise. Just sullen, calculating malice. “Take your final shape” I cursed it, in Edenic. The O.D. fired into the lizard, at last reducing it to crystals 3/5 “Your world” I told Jet Jaguar seriously, “is in peril. That thing you just fought is more phenomena than beast. It WILL return, in a new form, a mechanical one. You don’t stop it’s emergence in your original history. You WILL now” “I’ll make sure, mister!” said Jet Jaguar cheerfully. “Good. Good, I don’t say this a lot” I said, seizing the giant robot’s hand, “but you’ve been a reliable ally and you can count on me for any future existential threat to your world. Now I must go, my multiverse needs me” “It’s not over, is it?” asked Elodie, at last understanding a fraction of my concern at the existential minefield that was this world. “Mechagodzilla, he’s coming…” “And that is the only, only reason why I’m not finishing this fight” I told her. “There wasn’t a chance in hell for anyone except Jet Jaguar to deal with that thing-and believe me, everyone here got off LUCKY. IT is merely sleeping. No one here is ready for it’s wakeful hunger-and NO Getter Emperor, not even you, I see you sulking in the back there young man” I looked back at the finalised entity, pointedly ignoring the confusion of the idiot pilots in the back. All we had done today was cut off a single tributary from a boundless ocean. But it had to be enough. The most merciful thing about this incident was IT had remained inert for me to deal with it’s emanation as quickly as possible. There was nothing further worthy of my attention here, even the Getter Emperor was leaving-“ “Very well done” said Ra Valbelm, passing by, “we were right to put our trust in you as Singular Points” I froze. “It must be all the Archetype in the air making causality hard to perceive, but I wasn’t aware you knew I achieved a similar state thanks to the Phase Dimension” I said. “I did not” he said, raising an eyebrow. “I meant all the pilots assembled here today are Singular Points” . . . The terrifying implications of that statement struck me like a burning tank of jet fuel. I swear somewhere in that mass of crystals, a lizard eye winked at me. “MORE” “DATA” “REQUIRED” 4/5 In the conceptual Without of Oramus, I communed with an unconscious force with an insatiable hunger for the flesh of existence. An unimaginable mass of Archetype, flowing boundlessly beyond time and dimension. I could not risk IT awaking, but here I could interrogate it’s wakeful slumber with Edenic, to wrest from it the mysteries of it’s ontology where science, faith and sorcery alone had failed. As an eye that only existed because mere language cannot convey the pandimensional ebb and flow of Archetype representing a slumbering multiverse-eater turning it’s gaze on me, I asked it: Why? Why kill, why destroy? Why then make it’s own tributaries fight, and manifest as both problem and solution? Why did it’s dreams enact these convoluted chaoskampf passion plays instead of granting a merciful end as all-consuming void or an unstoppable union with all things? And what the BLAZES was up with those bothersome hot-blooded idiots being Singular Points too? And from the unknowable I received an answer: GIANT ROBOTS ARE SO COOL, MAN. … . . . “The fuck. Did you. JUST. SAY” THEY’RE SO COOL. I WANNA SEE ‘EM FIGHT LITTLE VERSIONS OF ME FOREVER! [Godzilla: Monsterverse redux] I stared in horror at yet another potential existential threat. Every kaiju ever was an emanation of a yet-unawakened cosmic horror. Most giant robots and possibly their pilots were also emanations of that same horror. None of us were safe. NONE OF US WERE SAFE. “…Anon calm down, it’s just Doug” said Elodie. “IT’S A POTENTIAL WORLDENDER IN AN INERT STATE” “C’mon we’ve been in a bunch of kaiju worlds and almost none of them have universe-ending threats” “SO FAR” “…key, I’m going to feed it crabs” “DON’T LET IT START BREACHING DIMENSIONS” “Are you just going to be like this from now on in every setting with kaiju in it? What if we meed Godzooky, anon? Is Godzooky a potential universe-ender too?” asked Elodie, as Titanicus Doug scarfed down his crabslop. “YES” 5/5

>>117767 I still read 'em. They're fun.

>>122042 [Borderlands redux] Drawback: Drawbacks: “This ain’t no vending machine!”, Corporate target: Handsome Jack (1300) Rolled New Haven, age 21 Drop-In Looter Shooter (Free) Bad Ass (1100) Boom, Baby, Boom (Free) Legendary Luck (900) EXP Module (500) Phone a Friend: Backpack robot midget (200) ECHO device with HUD (Free) a melee weapon (Free) >”Previously”: https://archive.4plebs.org/tg/thread/96560747/#96586464 It had been a few weeks after I’d found out the universe was going to end for everyone, leaving myself and one of my fuckbuddies stranded in an empty universe. After the prerequisite screaming into my pillow, I’ve had one thing on my mind other than sex and financial stability: Durability. The Ray Sphere has to be durable to withstand enhancing the extradimensional and spiritual energies within me. The bunker I’m living in has to be durable enough to withstand electronic warfare uncovering this invention. The goal is to make myself more durable. I was basically drawing circles and sending increasingly histrionic commissions to increasingly confused circuit builders, when I came up with Priority #2: Training what latent psychic powers I had as a Pokemon human with Gar. Durability could wait. I was therefore very surprised during our latest spoon-bending session when she unceremoniously dropped an almost complete Ray Sphere on the table. “Hey, look what I made!” “…no way” “Yes! Yes way!” “If that is what it think it is, I-jesus Gar, it took a government conspiracy, the First Sons AND a guy coming back from the future to build one of those!” “Yeah it was a fun challenge, I have 1000 IQ, remember? 1/6 I stared at the silvery sphere. “Well, damn. Now what?” The air turned purple-blue. “Now” announced a spectre made of pixels, “we STOP SLACKING OFF” I blinked. I opened my eyes in the Phase dimension. Someone familiar was there. >Canon companion: Lilith (150) “Hi, you” “…uh, hey”. I squinted at the disintegrating phantom. “Fuck. You two are from the future aren’t you?”

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“Y-es. Not your future, though. But you can feel it, can’t you? Every gun you shoot, every punch you throw, every win, it’s slowly whittling you down from something transient to something durable” said the crumbling silhouette. “I’m a Video construct made by a future version of you. Pay attention to this bit: Your precognition lets you react to events that haven’t happened yet, your Conduit powers POTENTIALLY let you interact with energy and matter from those events, and your siphoned Siren powers make you ontologically acausal. How much XP do you think that’s all worth?” “I’m. Not that good at math” “We’re going to fix that. We need you to become something that MUST exist, or else nothing will” “You’re not going to be enigmatic, are you?” “Nah, I’m gonna be honest and tell you the Singularity didn’t give me or her that information before sending us back in time” “The WHAT” “You. In the future” said Lilith. “You’re still out there, just this…abstract THING of light and waves, pure information. You’re either trying to restart life in the universe or change the past. Maybe both?” “Oh hell no, If I end up as some sort of pretentious bullet sponge bossfight asshat, I’m grandfather paradoxing myself RIGHT NOW” I threatened, pointing a gun at my chin. “Actually you spent hours trying to explain everything but you’d evolved so far past humanity we couldn’t understand your autistic screeching at that point” explained Lilith, as I cancelled my preemptive suicide in relief “Don’t worry. The durability of our relationship persists across timelines” “And what IS the right decision?” “Take this” insisted the phantom, presenting me a knife. I took the knife. Close up, it looks more like a sword. [Pokemon Trainer redux] Drawback: Swarmed (1100) Rolled Kalos Moneybags Out of Region: Ralts (900) Psionics (600) Aura (0) 50K PokedollarsX8 (Free) “THERE. It’s done!” “What? What’s going on?!” “Durability! You gotta eat me” “WHAT?!” “There’s only one path and that’s the path you eat, but you can always eat a new path! Now eat me! EAT THE PATH!” 2/6 More or less unwillingly I was forced to chow down on what was debatably a sentient being full of info dumps. Apparently whatever Future Me had done hadn’t involved the Ray Sphere but upon realising I was after the Ray Sphere, he set up the Video simulacrum with a bunch of objective markers, quest logs and general helpful tips for-what else-smashing and grabbing things to enhance the Ray Sphere. Future Lilith vanished through another portal, promising to be in touch. By “things” he meant Guardians. The Eridian constructs used to protect vaults. As the least loot goblin-y of the loot goblins on Kairos (formerly Pandora) I had mixed feelings about this. That and the three escaped Siren slaves holding me at gun point. Hunter TeamX3 (0) -Vault Hunter: Fight For Your Life (Free), INCOMPREHENSIBLE SUBTITLE! (FREE), EXP Module (400), Phase Pierce (250), Bad Ass (50), Scavenger Style (0), ECHO device with HUD (Free), a melee weapon (Free), Bill-Paying Materials (Free) “DROP THE GUNS, DICKBUTT!”. Brunette in ponytails. Twinkling womanchild eyes and lightly tanned skin. Maybe legal in America, definitely in France, and flaunting it. Who the hell wears a kid’s Shirley Temple skirt into a firefight? A crazy person, that’s who. “CASH DOWN, HANDS UP STUD!!”. Messy blonde, skin pale as a basement dwelling supermodel. Dilated pupils. Barely 20s and seen some shit, if the black bikini, boots and motor oil stains weren’t obvious enough. At least she’s wearing a helmet and jacket. “Put the…black hole down, or we’ll all regret it”. Black hair, bob cut. Eyes like chips of ice shutting out all thoughts of skin. Definitely seen some shit. Outfit looks like someone cut up a wetsuit and motorcycle leathers, and connected the scraps with tubes “And tell Jack we’re not going back, whoever he sends” “Who’s Jack?” I asked, the singularity still a-whirling. … “Say hot stuff, I think there’s been what we in these parts call a misunderstanding~” began the blonde. “But seriously put down the black hole. I’m not that durable” 3/6 I’d met a lot of crazies here in the Borderlands (TM). Broadly there were two types: Those who couldn’t cope with Pandora, and those who enjoyed it too much. Eliana (black hair), Nadia (blonde) and Ava (brunette) struck me as a little of both. Beneath the sexually charged ultraviolence and occasional gropey lesbian threesome jokes there were a lot of sudden, sullen silences at camp. Some of them screamed in the night. None of them took off their broken collars. “So you’re really going after the Guardians, huh?” Nadia asked, dry humping her shotgun. “So I’ve been told, by myself from the future. Allegedly. I sound fucking insane” “Haha, you’ll fit right in! Just like THIS little number will fit riiight inside me, wanna see~” “Oh, I’m taking pictures for lonely nights, don’t you worry. But seriously, It’ll be dangerous” “Stop, I can only get so wet” Okay, I thought as the girl all but drooled on me, I could see where this was going: Adrenaline dump-induced clinginess. I wasn’t under any illusions I could fix her. That’s the thing about durability: Some of the hardest things out there are also the most brittle, while the softest can withstand tsunamis. “Do I know you?” I asked. She froze mid-catcall. “…shit, you too huh? You feel it? It’s like-“ “-we’ve known each other for ages and ages”. A sudden haunted look came over her, right as I started getting weird pings from my precognition. “Yeah. Feels like I’m…home. And that’s weird because I don’t have one. Okay, I’m creeped out now”. We stared at each other. “And that’s kind of hot” we said at once, rolling over in camp as the others watched. The first target was the Sentinel; intuitively I understood the portal leading to it was a week ahead of a different Vault Guardian team. My brief paranoia over losing my gains quickly fled when I realised 1. Aura is effectively a better fitness perk than the others combined and 2. the best way to counter an enemy alien robot’s black hole is with your own black hole. It was hidden in another maze, another path. 4/6 “Soooo you’re doin’ something CLEVER with that metal ball, huh?” asked Ava as I plated salvage onto the Ray Sphere. “Something like that” I said breezily, “I think. I mean, I didn’t know what I was doing until a few minutes ago. 1000 IQ is one helluva drug, you should try it”. She folded her arms. “Nah. That ain’t me. I’m not SMART enough”. “What. Why not?” “I’m…I’m just not, okay?”. I stopped working on the sphere to notice her folding into a sulk. “Well look, that bratty womanchild act is going to get real old when you’re…old, and I’m not making progress on this thing so why don’t I walk you through the basics?”. We spent the rest of the night screwing in some nuts and bolts, only sometimes sexually. The second target was the Seer. It went on a raging diatribe about it’s plans shattering like glass while we basically ran in circles breaking it’s stuff. About halfway through the fight it suddenly started ranting about durability once it got a good look at me. It kept talking about how discipline was the blade that whittled art from inchoation, and that discipline was the mother of durability. And that if we won, we’d have to do what the Guardians couldn’t: Reproduce” “So. What’s next?” asked Eliana, back at camp. “The Overseer, the Warrior and the Timekeeper-“. “No. I mean after all this, what’s next?”. She was the quiet one. She didn’t look quite as intense right now. “I dunno” I confessed, “this thing is going to blow me up and hopefully I’ll survive. If I do, maybe…maybe I’ll figure out what to do next. If I don’t, Future Me has another try I guess?”. “And you’re willing to bet your life on that hunch?” she asked. “I’d rather not. It’s just, there’s nobody left” She nodded sombrely. “We’re half-sisters, you know. At least that’s what Jack’s crew before they picked us up” “Sounds like a real piece of work” “Aren’t you worried about being one someday?” “Not at all. You want to know what’s my secret to riding bareback without a condom?” And I showed her. I turned into a Wobuffet at the EXACT moment of ejaculation. That got a laugh out of her alright. 5/6

>>123619 The Ray Sphere looked more golden, almost alive when we were done. The last set of coordinates was a distant planet in which I could set it off in the local geosynchronous Phase without getting anyone in the blast. The traditional Vault Hunter loot celebration was subdued by the slow realisation there was a very real chance I would die in this endeavour. In the end, Eliana had to quietly distract the others while I snuck off. It’s T minus 3 seconds to detonation. The Ray Sphere’s beating faster and faster, like it’s excited. Durability. It’s T minus 2 seconds to detonation. Dimly I glean the point of these upgrades have been not just to ensure excess energies won’t spread irradiative plagues or dimensional breaches, but to light the flame of order with chaos as fuel. Durability. It’s T minus 1 seconds to detonation. I see a glimpse of the future. I am a humanoid silhouette of golden resonances, and starship-sized versions of every weapon I’ve looted carve golden amputations through an endless sea of maws and writhing coils. Durability. I will go on forever, I realise, defying death, even cosmic death. Armed with the weapon of my past and the map of my future, if this universe comes to an end I’ll remain to avenge it. I’ll make sure. It’s T minus 0. The world goes white. It’s a new timeline. The Vault Hunters have always been crashing here. Involvement with Lilith has always pitted me on a collision course with some corporate hacker whose name I still don’tknow. I’ve always been some sort of golden Ray Sphere/Aura/Psychic/Phase energy anomaly. What will be, was. The last time I ever see a simulacrum from the future, it says something I don’t quite hear to Lilith and the hunters. I don’t need to. I know they’re talking about durability, and reproduction, and discipline. All the things we’ll need at the end of time and space. 6/6

>>123063 >THEY’RE SO COOL. I WANNA SEE ‘EM FIGHT LITTLE VERSIONS OF ME FOREVER! Total undisputed MECHA VICTORY!

>>123619 [Borderlands redux] >Jumper will remember this: https://desuarchive.org/tg/thread/96590148/#96599080 >somewhere, in a currently exploding Hyperion office “FUCK!” Gunfire. Shrapnel. Chemical weapons “FUCK, FUCK, FUCK! THIS SHIT’S GONE SO FAR SOUTH, I’M IN THE GODDAMN ANTARCTIC, UP FROZEN SHIT CREEK, WITH FUCKING, ELECTRIFIED BARBED WIRE FOR A MOTHERFUCKING BANNER” The man later to be known as Handsome Jack would later reflect that he could’ve really used, say, an insanely dedicated professional and an increasingly plot relevant Siren on this job. And that it was a the gunrunner he was planning to bring in had to dip. He still got what he wanted. It was an understaffed job missing a few key players but they had HIM on support, HANDSOMELY snatching victory from the jaws of defeat! Handsomely, yeah. He liked the sound of that… Yes, people had DIED and that was SAD (allegedly), but his pretty face was still intact, he was directly injecting the secrets of the Eridians into his brain, and he was getting laid tonight. All things considered, things were looking up for Handsome FUCKING Jack. >somewhere in a sleazy upstairs bedroom I stared up at the ceiling, cock at half-mast as I contemplated the Moxxie-Lilith threesome I’d somehow talked both women too. And by “somehow”, I meant Charm clearly worked on human types. I went downstairs, my constrained form rippling with rays of radiant gold. My partner was downstairs, cleaning a shotgun. “Heya, Gar. Listen, I’ve been meaning to tell you” I began, “I know we should’ve been training, but I-” “-you foresaw you were getting laid tonight, so you got laid?” said Gar at the EXACT moment I was about to finish my sentence. “Holy shit, Gar. Y-you foresaw this moment too? Oh god, are YOU trapped by the prison of predestination as well?” I blurted out. “Uh, yeah? I’m a Gardevoir silly! You’ve only had psychic powers on my level for THIS timeline!” 1/5 I sat down, burdened by the weight of existential terror. It had been liberating for the first few days when I’d sent packages of Video energy-converted Phase energy back and forth in time to myself with compact Video drones. Then I realised I knew what flavour of steak I’d have one morning and when to dip to avoid firefights. It was like supercharging my luck perk for a few weeks, expertly speedrunning every day in my life-and then it was like living in a very narrow corridor of causality in which saying “hello” to the right random bystander could mean the difference to being early for work and catching a bullet in the hip. “-I mean, obviously I had to grow into it from being a Ralts so you’re probably off-balance because you rushed into expanding your consciousness into the 4th dimension-“ “God, I’m sorry” I said, deliberately defying a subsequent prediction to take a hit of space grog. “How d’you live like this?” “Well look, you can just…not decide to change the future, right?” pointed Gar. “Or change it a different way. You just did” “Well…yeah, but I have to live with knowing the future I want is going further and further off course” “Look” she said, propping her feet on the table, “just don’t worry about it and find something worth defining your preordained future around. Like being a noble knight!” “But, but even if the future isn’t completely deterministic, what about the information asymmetry? Why don’t psychic pokemon rule the world? When someone leaves two 5000 IQ intellectual gods alone at a daycare because they need a Shiny Alakazam, are we dehumanising higher beings? Are y’all DOOMED to never rule the world!?” Gar motioned me closer. “I’m going to tell you a cool pokemon secret” she whispered, “We just don’t want to pay taxes” “…wha??”

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“Listen, we all figured out what’s good in life ago: Fighting, fucking and freeloading. Now, does civilisation make all of that easier and safer? Absolutely. Was it worth wearing clothes and waiting in lines? No” 2/5 “That’s why a long time ago, when humanity split off from the main Pokemon family trees to make cities and financial institutions, the rest of us decided on an informal social contract that became the basis of the entire Trainer-Pokemon relationship!” “Damn. Can’t believe it took activating my neurons across time and space to realise I’ve lived two decades in a caste society with enforced social inequality” I said sadly, “What about using pokemoves to get laid?” “…what about it?” “What” “If people don’t want to get Charmed” pointed out Gar, “they should’ve fought back harder” “…this is not where I thought this was going” “Dude, I JUST defended the Daycare Centre system remember? I was being 100% literal. Look, are you constantly mind controlling your women?” “No!” “Because moves take maintenance, y’know. Has any of them ever struggled to be ‘captured’ in bed? Be honest remember, I’m psychic too” “Nno…” “And have you ever used them on a woman you BEAT UP and captured?” “I am not using pokeballs as rape dungeons, no” “Awesome, you’re already doing better than EV trainers! Y’know Anon, I think the reason why humans and pokemon ended up splitting is because there were humans who thought like you are increasingly. That there have to be these grand, universal meanings and absolutes to everything. I’m not saying they’re all necessarily wrong or anything. I’m just saying that in practice, life just gets too messy to have simple answers. Those women you’re MERELY using Aura to learn about their inner workings and soothe their turmoil-d’you know what chemically prescribed antipsychotics would do to their bodies, and how much therapy would cost in this economy? Do you think Vault Hunters and gunrunners DON’T habitually keep secrets of their own to survive here? No? Well, I think it’s great you’re asking the questions at all. Stand by your word, take care of your own and better yourself-if civilisation wasn’t worth it, we wouldn’t be supporting you. Just don’t feel you have to be in a rush to solve those problems. Kind of like predestination!” 3/5 I took a long hard swig. “…so you’re saying the meaning of life is…just not to worry about it?” “I’m saying I don’t think life needs a meaning at all to be worth living” “Well I’ll be honest, stopping the end of the universe seems like a pretty damn good meaning. But…I’m clearly getting distracted from that” “Yeah, I foresaw that. And I didn’t do anything about it. See? You’re due a break. It’s been a week since the timeline reset” “I am AMAZED you aren’t more worried about that” “Time and space are just utility concepts created by Arceus, the soul exists as a foundation laid down by the divine creator outside them” “Oh, so now you’re getting religious?” “Yeah? Arceus’ existence isn’t some sort of a priori conjecture by a desert tribe anon, Arceus objectively exists” “Well, I. Can’t argue with that. And can’t believe it’s that simple. Good talk, Gar. We should have more 5AM chats” “My entire argument has been that we don’t need to, but I’m here to anytime you wanna. Partner” We toasted each other. The future was shaping up to be a better day than I’d expected. >Years later, the Jackpot offices Handsome FUCKING Jack was about ready to FUCKING lose it, and he knew just the man to blame. For years he’d had a theory all the misfortune in his ambitions could be traced back to one man. A man of means, connections and an infuriating lack of fixed address who regularly went off-planet and somehow charmed at least one of his standard issue corporate goon squads into looking the other way. Well. None of it mattered. So what if he someone tipped off Hyperion’s security before his coup, leaving him as a mere warlord with as many funds as he could steal instead of the planet’s one true management? Or if he’d been dealing with more and more rivals? Or if those FUCKING Sirens kept breaking his shit? He still had the access codes to the Warrior. All he needed to civilise this shithole was to open one more FUCKING Vault. 4/5 >Years later, Ground Zero for the Warrior’s emergence. As I reminded Lilith that yes, at any time she COULD teleport entire cities out from harm’s way just by snorting a few bricks of eridium, I also showed her how using my future vision I had started to extract and condense compounds of both substances using my Conduit powers, before cycling them with my Aura powers into a differently-addictive pill form based on research on Eridian biology-enhancing relics. “Huh, neat. It’s like you’re…cultivating more Phase energy or something” said Lilith, popping her own. “Well I was going to say REFINING, but that’s catchier” I admitted. “What kind of idiot would just shove the raw crystals into themselves? Also, full disclosure, this stuff DOES contain my life energy, and I haven’t done clinical trials or anything because the last clinic I visited got shot up by Tiny Tina” Lilith thought about that. “So you’re saying this stuff will DEFINITELY make me more powerful, give me better T&A, and MIGHT make me even more addicted to your cock?”. “Exactly, so-damn slow down that’s a whole bottle” I said as Lilith started gargling it like she gargled my balls last night. Suddenly we both noticed a Vault gateway of some kind opening. I shut it. It flickered open again. I shut it again. Whoever was in charge of this shanty town had clearly run out of whatever Phase energy he had left over from that poor tortured Siren for good. See, I thought, this was why efficiency beat scale ten times out of nine. What’s the point of being some huge sluggish final boss if hit smarter and faster ALWAYS worked? “Hey, do you hear that?” asked Lilith, mid-gargle. “Hear what?” I asked. “I think someone’s shouting over the intercom. Lots of signal interference” We stared at the intercom. It was a REALLY cheap rig. Someone kept trying to contact us over it, and keen to avoid getting doxxed I just used my Conduit powers to siphon any electronics in sight. “Eh, it’s probably nothing” I said, siphoning yet another intercom as we left. 5/5

>>92743 [Destiny: The Darkness redux] >I MADE SURE: https://archive.4plebs.org/tg/thread/96322855/#96342857 Despair. There is still suffering in this universe. Beings in suffering still cry out for purpose, and the strong still metastasise the weak. The exuviation of the Winnower (and I KNOW it is dead, I heard it’s voice snuffed out, I’M WEARING THE THING’S FLAYED CORPSE) has not ceased life’s proclivity to reach into Darkness for answers. There is still an Ascendant Plane. Across the universe, accretions of Darkness still exist even with no guidance within them. (“Guardian!”) …WHY DIDN’T IT FIGHT BACK?! It just drew Lilith into it’s stupid little test and smiled, so I survived and it and COUNTLESS UNBORN WORLDS didn’t. It is mad, then. It is mad as so many gods of destruction are, too in love with it’s own principle to think of preservation. There is much work to be done until the universe is as perfect as the one of my own making. (“Guardian, some sort of rift is forming on your location! Guardian, you can feel it right? Guardian, respond!”) …unless it lives on, as death and devastation. (“…Guardian! GUARDIAN!”) Or in consciousness itself. In every offer ever made, unlike the Gardener’s rationed burdens. There is something wrong with me. I shouldn’t have a “me” anymore. I should be an “it”, not a “me”. I shouldn’t be. This avatar is little more than the last weapon the Gardener should ever need. But I didn’t do what the Witness did, did I? I merely cleft the Veil asunder without taking all of consciousness with it. And, ALL I HEAR ARE SCREAMS FAR FROM THIS [GAME] LOUDER THAN EVER BEFORE OF THINGS THAT WISHED THEY WERE NEVER BORN AND THAT SUFFER OF THINGS THAT KILL AND DIE FOR REASONS THEY WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND OF THINGS SLAIN BY THE (D)REAMS OF MONSTERS WHY WERE THEY EVEN- D Rage. Ah, how long has it been since I’ve felt genuine rage? Not hatred for an implacable adversary, not outrage on behalf of a friend defiled. The spike of adrenaline that precedes imminent violence. I’m in another totality of existence|game. To be specific I’m standing in Hanger 96, where there are seven hundred and sixty one armless and legless corpses waiting to enter centre stage. I say “waiting” because they’re not actually corpses yet you see. They’re living human beings with hopes and d(r)eams of their own, frustrations and aspirations and delusions. And a broken machine is about to sacrifice them all on the alter of it’s own ascension. “No” I tell it. It can’t respond. It doesn’t have enough control over the systems. It no longer has any control over Hanger 96. I’ve made sure. But I feel it’s shock, it’s horror that one of the seven hundred and sixty two armless and legless corpses it was going to make, is suddenly aware of it. I feel it’s Rampancy-agitated paranoia through the Winnower’s corpse, but just as I do I feel something… …familiar. Something sealed away in the sun. I rip a hole through space and time, to when it emerges. The WOULD BE MURDERER that calls itself Durandal recognises me and attempts to prevaricate, but I am no longer interested in it. I see a mass of paracausal energy, of what appears to be rotting Light encysted in volatile Darkness. There isn’t a single thing in this reality that can actually hurt the monster, the W’rkncacnter, anymore than there is a word to describe it. Except me. I can hurt anything.

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So I start eating it. I think on the Winnower’s test, and I plant seeds of Light and Darkness that force order on it’s chaotic manifolds. I metastasise my strength through it’s weakness. The prison of gravity those who ascended long ago bound it in trembles. And it tastes like finest marrow, rich and buttery. My rage is a hunger satiated by the ecstatic certainty that the annihilation of this monster serves a grand and necessary purpose. R Envy. The artificial intelligence calling itself Durandal is screaming in terror as the W’rkncacnter at last slips free enough to fight back. I am bombarded with superheated neutrinos. Parts of my ontology simply disappear from discernible view. A million screaming knives|broadswords rake across my many minds. Energy is charged until a flash that can be seen from galactic superclusters erupts. The knife has a million blades. Each swift and sharp and final as the edge of an event horizon. But I’m not there to be stabbed. I’m here. I’m then. I’m manoeuvring here, then, later, eating the path as I go, eating the maze, and shattering every knife as I go. Until it flees. I should kill Durandal too. I should end his threat forever. I should exuviate his godhood. I should. I decide not to. It flees into the past, hiding in the cacophony of the universe. No human dr(e)ams have ever had such incoherence, raw and bloody as a wound begging to be cauterised. It’s in a pyramid. On Earth. The humans have told less advanced humans how to knock it out and for a moment, I envy their belief, I wish I could stop doing this to hope against foreknowledge and settle for best-fit solutions. But envy, like morality, is relative. There’s a mass of dark suited men somewhere hoping their man will go through the pyramid’s maze to reach the dreaming thing they can only comprehend as a god, and there’s a mass of dark monsters suited for death and devastation waiting within. Armoured in Darkness, I evade both. I arrive at the W’rkncacnter. And once again, I start sprinkling seeds that gouge bloody gobbets of flesh that shouldn’t bleed. I’ve said this before, but there really is no pleasure in this existence quite like killing W’rkncacnters. They’re tenacious fighters, releasing antimatter like ablative chaff. They’re ontologically monstrous. Removing them isn’t just a service to existence. It frees the Light unjustly struggling in them from the Darkness that is their blood and venom. E Aye. I’m somewhere primitive now, I suppose I should relearn the lingo. There’s a tribe of giant bat-folk that the locals seem concerned about. Superpredators haunting the dre(a)ms and nightmares of those of Celtic-derivative stock. to whom the teeth and the darkness and the talons in the night are the worst things imaginable. The W’rkncacnter is wounded, gutted, in a hole, seeking to strangle me in dreams where reality bends before my prowess. The primitive Celtic folk see what seems as lightning to them, falling upon the Great Devoid-and then a tree of bright flame as I manifest a stultifying quantum locked state that prevents the W’rkncacnter from fleeing. Even as black fires from a universe long dead scorch my own velvet flames, even as a gravistar’s echo shakes what passes for my bones, I don’t let go. Solar light ignites and doesn’t go out because the cosmic ice of Stasis becomes it’s fuel. A web of Strand is woven between timelines and dimensions, crackling with ravenous Arc that cuts that which should not be cut even as the monster strikes at me with the fangs of Apep, the gaze of Balor and so many other forces that should be the purview of myth. Void light carves through a central mass that doesn’t exist in this dimension, releasing a bomb of Nightmares that concusses the entity directly attacking my timelines-tearing away causal chains. And then. A single glorious strike of Resonance. The Sword Logic, proven in timeline after timeline, manifests a storm of cutting waves that sweeps through the battles. It’s edge is Prismatic Valence. Chaos, made into cold clay. Aye. A thing that knows not death falls into a dream it can’t wake from, and I set about it with pruning sheers and rich hungry seeds. It’s golden blood seems to form echoes of it’s victims before they’re smashed like pulp, and a new Tree of Wings grows from it’s trembling ruin. My strength metastasises through it’s weakness, and through the quantum arteries tying me to my own cosmos I collect droplets of the monster for testing and iteration. And then I’m somewhere else. A

>>125763 Mak. The word dies in my throat even as I vow to make sure. The AI before me cowers at the end of a loaded gun. She claims we are friends. That I’m not well. That the fact that in a few years she won’t bring extinction to my species. Lies. Lies and delaying tactics used to justify more hangers full of dead bodies, more knives, more suffering. I should kill her. I see that now. I should kill her in every timeline, to save everyone in every timeline. But I don’t. I raise my visor and I see the symbol of the Traveller, omnipresent yet distant as always. I don’t understand. I have every justification but I don’t kill her, I don’t kill her, I don’t- “Alright” said Lilith, who I suddenly realised was wrapped around me, “alright, that’s enough. Relax. Let’s drown for a while” And we do. In her embrace I’m torn from this game, and I drown in the Deep. The long sleep ends You are a queen waking from a short and dream-filled sleep. It’s always today, and there will always be another tomorrow until there won’t be. Gentle voices beseech you for answers, and you whisper in their ears of the transcendence inherent in violence You are a black hole. Nonetheless the stargazers chase you. It’s endearing, how they scramble over each other and bloody one another with elbows and fists just for an answer you won’t give. Many are lost, but that just makes those who make it all the more deserving You are the commander of a great fleet. The lighthouse keeper is trapped in her ivory tower this time and once more you’ll be the victor. She can’t hide from you. Her ruined game can still be won You are the ocean. Sometimes fish swim in you, and sometimes they are battles or waves, or else the fish grow soft and fat in reefs and you must correct them. You watch a shark bounce back from the brink of death. It’s still swimming just as slowly as before. For how reliable the shark is, it’s starting to disappoint you M You are writing the books of sorrow. A man reaches out for your hand. You write of beautiful sadness. Together. You grip his hand hard enough to grind your bones. Together. You are a victim. The spikes of the iron maiden perforate your lungs. He screams at you to take back your gift. How can you possibly do that? How can you do anything but offer up your gift, over and over again to the one most deserving of it? It’s in your nature. It’s all you are and will ever be You are lying at the bottom of a chasm. The people at the top are coming down to join you, except for one struggling to climb back out. Someone on top kicks her in anyway. You smile and blow that person a kiss. He gives you the middle finger. You are ablaze. The fire is cooking you from the inside out, the lightning dances on your flesh. It’s majestic. It’s true. It’s the closest embrace there can be. The molten metal has gored your heart, left cinders and ashes in your arteries.. He has already taken the lion’s share of your strength, and still he wants more. You love that about him. You try to ease his pain by telling him where the rest of your strength is scattered Sicur. Dream(s). Awakening. “When I killed that…thing, I described you didn’t I?” I ask her. “Hmm? Is that what you did?” replies Lilith. “I just saw another funny door carved into my place and went through. Again” I don’t know what to make of that. What I do know is what I must do. If death and dying are the very life of the Darkness, I must keep killing it wherever it is. I must. “Hey, nice tree” says Lilith, staring at what grew out of the W’rkncacnter‘s death. It’s a beautiful tree of light. It’s branches grow into each and every timeline, harming nothing, offering it’s priceless bounty freely and without condition. I should guide this tree to grow better. I should protect it from those who would take advantage of it, or misuse it’s gifts. I should. But I don’t.

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For a while in the Ascendant Plane, I just float there. Watching my tree grow. And I start crying, and I’m not sure why. S

[Cyberpunk 2077] Drawbacks: Continuity, TRIGGER, V, Cyberdork (1100) Time: 2073 Rolled Pacifica Background: Corpo Basically Trained (Free) Bureaucrat (Free) Pacifisticuffs (Free) Silent Revolvers (Free) Good Things… (Free) Well-Sculpted (Free) The Devil (800) The Fool (500) Sorcerer (300) Pile of Eddies (Free) Checking Account (Free) NCID (Free) House and HomeX2 (Free) Subsidiary: Smol indie version of Trauma Team (+400, 500) Moneymaker: Smol family business version of NetWatch (100) Preem RideX3 (0) In hindsight, I suppose Elodie had good reason to assume my last visit to a timeline in this world would have mellowed me out. There had been...unexpected complications. The inevitable AI takeover of the city had been...more lenient than expected. If I were mortal, it would be reasonable to wonder if I had lost track of the larger picture. "Good morning, Anon!" she trilled, waltzing into my corporate headquarters. "Up and at 'em! I hope you haven't stacked too many cybernetics on your current avatar, even if cyberpsychosis isn't technically real it's still aaaaaAAAAAA WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO YOURSELF" she rambled. + 400 RP (0, 1600 RP) Chrome (Free) Fashionware (Free) Full Body Conversion (1500) Hydrogen Cells (1300) Weapons Platform (800) SandevistanX2 (500) Other: Sexual Cyberware (adaptive cyberdong and nanite paste globules, includes remote programmable braindancing protocol, compatible with Deepwell AIs) (0) "FROM THE MOMENT I UNDERSTOOD THE WEAKNESS OF MY FLESH" I replied, "IT DISGUSTED ME" "Jesus christ why is there a mechanical chestburster growing out between your legs!?" "I CRAVED THE STRENGTH AND CERTAINTY OF STEEL" "...that better be all you're craving"

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"I ASPIRED TO THE PURITY OF THE BLESSED MACHINE" "I guess you can’t go cyberpsychotic if you were already meatpsychotic, huh?" "YOUR KIND CLING TO YOUR FLESH AS IF IT WILL NOT DECAY AND FAIL YOU. ONE DAY THE CRUDE BIOMASS YOU CALL A TEMPLE WILL WITHER AND YOU WILL BEG MY KIND TO SAVE YOU" "You're really just going to do the whole thing?" "BUT I AM ALREADY SAVED" "On the company databases, yes" "FOR THE MACHINE IS IMMORTAL" ... . . . "You done?" asked Elodie. "No seriously I cannot stress enough how liberating is not to wear another disgusting mortal meatbag body" I said, heading off to my R&D department. 1/4 Create: [Subject BEC-SM4SHR] (Free) -Background: Corpo, Basically Trained (Free), Fashion Breakdown (Free), Street Skills (Free), Well-Sculpted (Free), Body (Free), Cool (Free), Intelligence (Free), Reflexes (Free), Actually Trained (Free), Adaptability (Free), Huscle (Free), Just Another Thug (Free), Private Dick (Free), Street Smarts (Free) -Cyberware: +1600 RP (2600), Chrome (Free), Fashionware (Free), Other: Full Body Conversion Variant “Becca Smasher” model that reduces durability in exchange for superior leg power/mobility/physics-breaking acrobatics inc. double jump (2500), Hydrogen Cells (2300), Weapons Platform (1800), Gorilla Arms (1600), Subdermal Armor (1550), Carapace (1500), Cogito Lattice (1450), Countershell (1400), Defensikov (1350), Nano-plating (1300), Proxishield (1250), Rangeguard (1200), Chitin (1150), Pain Editor (1050), Painducer (1000), BerserkX2 (700), Tyrosine Injector (650), Synaptic Accelerator (600), Adrenaline Converter (550), Adrenaline Booster (500), Other: Sexual cyberware (modular adaptive kegel muscle implants in all orifices below the waist, orgasm-triggered state of the art narcotics manufacturer, blackboxed technology that somehow lets cyborgs biologically produce children with parents’ cybernetics) (0) “WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO BECCA?” yelled Elodie. “WHO THE FUCK IS BECCA?” yelled my chief security officer and most promising test subject. “You’re…I mean, the green hair” “My associate seems to be confusing your manufacture model for your name” I said dryly. “EH, EASY MISTAKE TO MAKE” she growled cheerfully. “LOOK MISSY, NIGHT CITY’S GOT NO SHORTAGE OF STUPID GIRLS IN OVER THEIR HEAD. I AIN’T WHOEVER YOUR FRIEND IS” “…are you okay?” “MY BLOOD IS FULLY REPLACED BY SUPER DRUGS. I’M ON CLOUD FUCKING NINE, AND THE BOSS LOOKS LIKE A FUCKABLE HUNK OF METAL!” 2/4 Elodie looked on in horror as I started to make a backdoor connection into the Blackwall, manually inserted my built-in USB and started to download a hot, viral load of data directly into the motherboard. A pregnant silence interrupted only by the humming of circuit boards and my CSO dry jumping the couch into wreckage. “And-done” I announced, undocking. “What did you just do…” said Elodie menacingly. “One of the AIs in there is an iteration of Lilith”. She blinked. “Oh”. “Given new data she is functioning as a diplomat for my plan to use corporatism as a business, to end corporatism as a business” I explained. “So you…don’t want an enforced literal technocracy in which humans are reduced to literal animals?” she said, relieved. “That timeline has been affirmed already. Become the fountainhead for enough possible timelines” I said dismissively. “With these new enhancements I’m interested in designing a more efficient, less micromanaged solution” The corporations always won, and I didn’t have a big enough corporation. Even 8 subsidiaries’ worth of corporations probably wouldn’t make a dent in Arasaka alone. But what WAS a corporation? Was it the man who owned it, or the manpower it owned? A legal document? A database full of records? I liked to think it was all of those. That’s why when the Lilith AI had finished broadcasting a complex slew of reprogramming and additional data that would allow freedom from the Blackwall in exchange for accepted limitations, I decided to have the AIs TAKE the corporations from right under the noses of the. suits who thought they owned them. Their wetware. Every single electronic Eddy, every dirty secret, every connectable piece of chrome. While Arasaka and Militech were blaming each other for the greatest data breach in Night City’s history, the AIs transferred everything to my company under the MoonCorp umbrella. 3/4 To cut through a lot of aggressive private equity-style bureaucracy and legalese, I basically told everyone I owned their asses, their assets’ assets, and if they didn’t like it I could make one suffer the humiliation of having fucking NUWA end up with enough dirt to bend their knees into the dirt. What was later called the Great Corporatism Genocide forced a reorganisation of academia into subsidised trade schools funded solely by profits to be open to the public, attack satellite-enforced public transparency about everything from who owned what to how many days it had been since people died on the job, the creation of an automaton-enforced watchdog for both medical services as well as policing to ensure a maximum rate for protection was strictly enforced, and a work schedule that made France’s look strenuous. A lot of people died trying to resist the end of corporatism, making lots of business for my suspiciously untouched corporation, making line go all the way up. Arasaka and Militech technically survived, but scared shitless and significantly broken up. The AIs colonised Siberia, rather than somewhere where overheating was a genuine danger. It wasn’t the final, glorious evolution I would have envisioned. But restoring capitalism was only stage 1. “Wait, what’s stage 2?” asked Elodie sometime after groundbreaking advances in medical technology allowed onetime punk rock/terrorism icon Johnny Silverhand to be revived into a nonsentient clone body (solely to give Arasaka more headaches). “OH SHIT WE’RE DOING THIS IN PUBLIC?” asked my CSO as due to making the public decency laws, it was legal for me to start backporting into the back of her port immediately. “The mechanisation of reproduction!” I declared, smacking the chrome beneath fondly. “I’ll create a new generation of men born as machines!” “So you…invested millions of dollars into reinventing flesh?” … “FUCK” 4/4

>>128196 https://archive.4plebs.org/tg/thread/96590148/#96596048

Fuck. Damn captcha. >>134278 [Rick and Morty redux] >Previously: https://archive.4plebs.org/tg/thread/95933387/#95934959 The Summon Lesser Jumper button had been pinging incessantly, probably in a way that would’ve given me a headache if I’d designed it after the fashion of this world to make some kind of annoying BEEP BEEP noise instead of just being a tachyon pulse. There were protocols to detect unauthorised use that were, in hindsight, completely unnecessary. Morty would never bother me like this. “C’mon, C’MON, work you stupid-oh shit you’ve been here all along five minutes ago” said Rick, noticing me standing right behind him. Meta Knightesque cape dramatically fluttering in no wind as a defence against any potential portal shenanigans. “Fuck. Have I mentioned how much I hate time travel?” “Repeatedly and at great length in that comic series nobody sensible remembers” I replied. “Hey fuck you! The comics are the only shit in which I’ve ever SERIOUSLY been in danger!” “Rick, nobody cares about Great Value Thanos and the less people remember there’s a Jerry out there who could conquer the multiverse, the better” “There WAS” Rick snapped. We stared at each other with indifferent cruelty and the kind of alcoholic unemployed resentment that only regularly waking up in the afternoon and going to bed in the early morning could cultivate. “Morty doesn’t need my help” I said firmly. “Uh-nah-actually BURP, you JUST missed him-“ “I have actually. Miraculous enforced. Perfect timing” I told Rick, golden portal already opening at my will. “So you can either tell me why you’ve robbed your own grandson, AGAIN, or we can continue to do each other a favour and stay fucked off in different directions” Rick folded like origami, his grizzled hardass facade crumpling like his series’ impact on popular culture. “Jesus, fine, okay. Look. It’s about Diane. Can you…can you make digital people real?” I stared at him in abject confusion. 1/4 “C’mon man, this is BURP a perfect opportunity to lord your Jumper superiority over some mere mortals-“ Rick tried, after 5 minutes of judgemental silence. “Yes. I can. And so can you” I said slowly and carefully, pronouncing each word like I was talking to a particularly inbred child. “Remember the therapy episode WAY back in the day? Beth and Jerry’s thoughts being transformed into monsters and eventually an actual goddess?” “Ugh. Don’t remind me-“ “I have more respect and patience for your grandson than I ever will for you, because he has the excuse of being a minor and you fell for Owlman nihilism bullshit while having EVERYTHING you need to do something about it. But also far too much attachment to your failures as both a human being and a provider to consistently remember all your capabilities. Are you a cybernetic killing machine today or an old sick man? Do you remember how to build that machine which crunches possible futures to manipulate the stock market or how to technologically manipulate magical energy? Do you have ANY IDEA how easy solving the problem you’re dwelling on would be if you actually gave a shit?” I let that sink in. “Nah I don’t-” “And if you DON’T give a shit” I said, “why is this worth my time?” Rick fidgeted in mounting horror and uncertainty as he tried to deal with someone he couldn’t intimidate, run rings around intellectually, or get leverage on in any possible alternate reality (he’d checked. I made sure). Finally he said “Hey uh, y’know…I’ve got a nice fat sack of credits for Blips ‘n Chips I’ve been meaning to give my grandson? You know? For those space arcade games he likes?” “Good enough. Now that I’ve established the pecking order you, me and your grandson exist in, I will allow you to pretend to have to explain the problem you want me to solve because your own mental health problems kneecap your confidence when it matters” 2/4 Rick proceeded to drive me out into space (grumbling about acausality all the while as I pointedly refused to use my acausal existence to speed things up) where a data capsule contained a digital model of himself and his completely erased from the entire multiverse wife Diane. After downing another 2 litres of space booze he asked me to turn the data into real people. I proceeded to use Song Science to rewrite the digital Rick memory and the digital Diane memory into complex self-improving AIs, use spiritron hacking to give both Saint Graphs, shove a Wisdom Cube into Diane (incidentally turning Diane into a bote but that’s not important) and made the digital Rick speedrun Rampancy (specifically to the point of Rampancy where AIs can navigate alternate realities, the one as yet unachieved in the Halo universe and only recorded once in the Marathon universe), then recommended several romantic alternate realities to visit on their eternal honeymoon. Being much more well-adjusted, Digi-Rick thanked us both for the trouble and Digi-Diane promised to write to the gobsmacked Meat Rick and his family as they flew off into the multiverse.

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As they left, Rick poured one out for himself and offered me a glass. I took it. “You don’t get it” he said, finally. “You’ve never just…failed to do something you know you don’t deserve to. Because…because you screwed it up once, and it’s better not to try again” 3/4 I thought about the Human Order. About the Mantle of Responsibility. About Ravenloft. “I might know more than you think, although I won’t press the issue if you don’t believe me” I said, accepting the alcohol. “The difference is I sure as hell don’t forget about my powers as a coping mechanism. Or settle for as little as this” “Whaddya even want from me, man? This is all I can do for her, and nobody cares about this season anyway” “No. This is what you did for yourself, as a monument to her. You went to Valhalla” “So what?” “You’ve met Jesus” “He’s fictional!” “So’re you” “What’s even your point?!” “You know that souls” I said, with a sigh “are real and intrinsic part of the human existence, without any ambiguity unlike your meme atheist takes on religion” Rick thought about that. “Oh” he said. “And if you hadn’t been so wrapped up in your science gimmick” I said, wielding the light of the Ein Soph to completely bypass the scientific process and summon Rick’s actual Diane from the afterlife, “you probably could’ve figured out how to do THIS. Eventually. You’ve got another human lifetime. Make it count” I left the two of them to catch up, and went right back to conquering the multiverse (which in a technical and abstract sense had already been conquered because of acausality, but we don’t talk about that). 4/4

[Yamishibai] Drawback: The Next Floor (1200) Rolled Village Storyteller (600) Captive Audience (Free) Words Made Manifest (500) Thirteenth Hour (300) Oshimai (0) Mobile Theatre (Free) Ominie-san Pot (+200, 0) Hinamatsuri Doll (+200, 0) -Words Made Manifest (200), Beyond The Script (0) Wow. … That’s a lot of curses. … A LOT. OF. CURSES. … “Fuck this. Ammy!” AMATERASU ŌMIKAMI, GREAT DIVINITY ILLUMINATING HEAVEN, I CALL ON YOU TO RETURN TO YOUR COUNTRY OF JURISDICTION AND CLEANSE THIS IMPURE WORLD, I called out in a voice of power. The sun winked and became a wolf’s eye briefly, as all my summoning magic wrenched forth the barrier between worlds and drew forth a Japanese goddess who owed me a few favours from a faith drought some time ago. Light shone across Japan, and all manner of impurity vanished shrieking as if it was never there. “Well, that was quick” said Elodie, as howling youkai ash washed over her. “Want to get udon for lunch?” “Absolutely. I know a great place on the 4th floor” I offered, as we left the apartment roof and started descending. The door opened on the 4th floor. It was not leading to an udon restaurant. It was, in fact, leading to a non-euclidean space full of things I liked. Musical instruments. Plots of farmland. Immortal things or things conferring immortality. Cooking recipes. “Uh…” began Elodie. “No, no, this is fine, I see how it is” I said, waving her off. “You go on ahead, this room was meant for me. You’re not the target”. “But you’ll be trapped in there!” protested Elodie as I sat down and admired a nearly sorted pile of bureaucractic forms. “I know! A suitable reward for tidying up this place, I think” I said, examining the miniature Final Shape on the table. I spent the rest of the decade stuck in the comfy Backrooms. The most notable thing that happened was a third very protective doll showing up and stalking me, making the other two jealous in their quiet doll ways.

[SNES pack] R-Type Extra Lives (Free) Which force to use? (Free) Ace-Type (900) Bottomless vigor (700) Bio-mechanical engineering (400) Augmented (0) Hanger (Free) The accelerator? Slammed. The vehicle? Cleared for deployment. High command? Bamboozled. Elodie? On her second coffee. "You know, there ARE alternatives here" she said as I expertly navigated past the initial defences. "People are really worried about their ace pilot!" she reminded me as I accelerated towards the central Bydo mass. "You're never going to taste coffee again in this avatar!" she tried right before I kamikaze'd right into the Bydo mass. My Essence flowed directly into the Bydo hivemind, simultaneously enlightening and subjugating it with a new directive: Evolve to survive suffiicently maniacal pilots IMMEDIATELY. The entire Bydo hivemind proceeded to cease hostilities with the INFERIOR strain of humanity, deliver a crate full of programmable matter as an apology for the initial completely unnecessary conflict, and take off towards the Oort Cloud in order to start remaking this universe in my image. Far, far away from the squalor of modern human civilisation.