>>20188
>I guess it isn't a porn/fetish story, but /lit/ is gone so I don't really have anywhere else to post it
It's always good to read the OP of /trash/ writethread, anon.
>>1618 (OP)
>All writers are welcome, SFW and NSFW.
How would you describe rimworld, out of curiosity?
Anyway, I gave 3 chapters of this a try. I assume you're starting from scratch minus the whole inspiration aspect. I think you did an alright job setting up the orc world. A picture/topograhy in chapter 1 is useful, even if I'm opposed to most pictures in writings. I tend to forget that maps are often the exception for that kind of thing. I probably won't read more, but I'm sure there's an appeal for people that like stories of what I assume to be human crash landing into fantasy worlds, particularly from outerspace.
>“The beach… the fire… came down… haaah, haah”
Missing period
In terms of feedback, the dialogue tags are formatted a bit off. Generally, when dialogue tags are involved, you use a comma (or ? or !) and lower case for the dialogue tag.
i.e: instead of
>“Warrior Koruk.” She said, a hint of mockery
it would be like
>“Warrior Koruk,” she said, a hint of mockery
This seems to be a consistent thing throughout the story. If you get time, I'd suggest going back to correct those dialogue tags.
Other examples of me seeing this in the early chapter are
>It will be a good fight.” Moktark said, pulling one
>“You know I’m not much for fighting.” Koruk said, looking down
>won’t be haunted by spirits.” He said, making a strange
>“No, wait.” Said Moktark, rubbing his chin
The OP has a link that has some pretty great rules about punctuation in dialogue. It is a useful read for various situations about it.
https://theeditorsblog.net/2010/12/08/punctuation-in-dialogue/