Here's the post he Made
"It started with the 'joy of uploading' slowly disappearing. Until I just couldn't get myself to want to upload any my drawings online anymore. I've always hated the fact that I made myself reliant on the money I received from my Patreon, ever sense the start of making it. But unfortunately we all need money to live and time just went on and on, and soon I found myself having done this for... I don't know how long. The more time that past the more my work became my shame, and I grew to hate myself more and more. And I really didn't want to upload any of my art, I didn't want it out there in the world. Characters from fiction that I love became something I did not want to draw anymore, rather than how it used to be when if I liked a character, I wanted to draw them. And the only reason I kept on drawing some characters like Ahsoka and Padme from Star Wars was because 'I had already drawn them' and so it was easier for me to allow myself to continue to draw them.
I feel like I'm letting so many people and friends down by quitting, but I just can't do this.
Considering some pieces I have deleted in the past. 'Hijab Girl' I decided to remove because I always thought of the Hijab more as a culture thing rather than a symbol of religion. But was wrong. And I didn't really want religious stuff in my art. You might disagree with my choice to delete them and that is okay, but that is what I chose to do. 'Amina 2' (I think that is what it was called, the one with Amina and a bunch of other of my OC's in a classroom) I removed it because with time it just kind of creeped me out, as all I could see was kids, rather than adults like it was suppose to depict. Same goes for 'Astrid meets a Lightfury' and some other pieces.
There are also some other pieces that I would like to remove from my gallery, but thought I should give a heads up about. 1:'Taking Mother's Advice' series. Again, It just creeps me out, I guess I wasn't good enough when trying to age up Violet and I don't like it being there. 2: ALL Avatar the Last Airbender stuff. Again, the way I drew most of the pieces, I can't help but see kids and that was never the intention so they will all have to go, even pieces I thought turned out quite well like 'Suki Takes Care of the Fire Nation Princess'. There are also a few Disney Princesses that might get the axe too, I don't know yet. I don't know when I will remove these pieces, but I will try my best to give time for people to save them.
I know this shame and hate I feel for myself due to being a kink/fetish artist is probably over exaggerated due to depression. But I do feel like I've destroyed/limited my own life with it. And I just want to get away from it.
Don't get me wrong, I have met some really amazing people while doing this. And have had a lot of fun exchanging ideas, thumbnailing/sketching/drawing whatever silly/fun/hot scenario we came up with and would not want that to stop by any means, I just can't make myself upload it anymore. There are even pieces that, dare I say I am quite proud of making, for one reason or another. On the top of my head, I'd say 'Stuffed Padme' being one of them.
In a 'perfect world' I would draw, whenever inspiration strikes me and I am not relying on it as part of my income, whether it be once a year or a hundred times a year, I'd upload it here on Ekas. But I know people take art and repost it around to all kinds of sites like Deviantart, Instagram, Twitter, Youtube etc. And yes, I know that doesn't happen that often, and most of the time it is done in some sort of form of admiration or want to help the artist reach more people. But that is most definitely not what I want. And unfortunately I just can't, I can't upload my stuff and risk that happening. I just don't want to see my crap out there.
I would like to thank everyone that has enjoyed, favorited, commented my work. As well everyone that has ever felt my work is good enough to pay for. I hope I don't appear ungrateful for the support I've received on Patreon over the years. Because I am grateful that people would even consider helping me out financially. But it's a mix of trying to just having fun and make something I and people supporting me might enjoy, all the while being depressed about what I make and well, much more mixed into one mess of a job.
I didn't mean to make such a negative post, but I've just been in a dark place for a long time now when it comes to this job and have not been active in the community at all, and thought I need to make at least something to let you know about why I have not been active. But it's not all dark and negative in my life, in fact I enjoy it immensely and do see a light at the end of the tunnel.
My Patreon will be active in January, though I will draw less than I normally do as I have other jobs as well. I want to say that this is the last month, as I have other dreams I want to chase, but I don't really know, it might keep going for the whole year for all I know. As unfortunately, we all need to pay our bills."