>>13788 >I find it interesting that you made this a reply to the Zeena post because the sentiment expressed in that post means far more than I let on I wanted to make this post earlier but I felt that your mind is at a "different place" so my motivation wasn't that fired up. When I write my post I do a sort of "energetic Pinging" akin to divination that tells me how the post I make will be received. >Recently I had the thought (even before you first alluded to it) that although I've missed out on pretty much every "rite of passage" or formative experience, I've endured suffering that most wouldn't comprehend Same. I too had to experience many types of suffering to have a way to be able to relate to certain people I wish to help in the future >I guess that would be the things that are most obvious to work on. Maybe that's why they are on what appears to be the topmost layer, presuming the divine layer is also the outermost. Because the divinities are external to me, and are perhaps forming it as a protective layer Please correct me if I'm wrong in any of these interpretations/assumptions Perfect assumption. This is why I didn't write my previous post further. I felt that you will be able to get it. If you solve that karma then the divine force will have a better chance helping your internal growth. That is why solving any obvious karmic problems should be a priority when you have some extra energy and willingness to do so. Most people rarely realize what a large energy block can manifest by not solving seemingly mundane emotional/karmic problems. Truth is sometimes they magnetically merge with larger karmic blocks and chipping the block helps the energies flow and even a 1% energy flow increase can help the mind and body so much it's unbelievable. Once you get the ball rolling you will understand. >This is something from a few weeks ago I almost posted about. I noticed that I have some kind of inner realm that is an infinite three-dimensional space filled entirely with pure loathing for existence itself. Not simply for misery or 'bad' things, but anything outside of the void. But the interesting part is how it looked kind of like if you put a sepia filter over pure blackness, which could be perceived or described as "brown" Yes you have that. It is a quite widespread mentality for people who suffer a series of misfortune in their lives and think they cannot possibly get out of it. It is keeping you immobile mentally, emotionally and spiritually. As long as you have those energies you won't be able to ascend nor progress meaningfully. It's like being submerged in a strange mud that saps your "true will" and reduces it into this loathing and self-delusion. And by self-delusion I mean the feeling that you cannot do anything on your own to help yourself. I can see that you are trying to progress and it shows but your mind is filled with this "what is even the point" mentality. Your true strength has a hard time to manifest until you fix this >So what I'm getting from this is that being stuck living in austerity is effectively more of a fail-safe than a test Well... you can interpret it that way and you wouldn't be wrong. It is a sort of "energetic equilibrium". If all the positive and negative aspects of your life are added together it becomes that kind of energy. Which might sound bleak at first but I have seen people who are successful in their youth and once they hit a roadblock in their life they completely lose it. They spiral out of control because they just cannot accept failure in their life and they want to keep living as an immature vapid cunt and think everything they do will just "work out" and refuse to change in any way whatsoever. Those people become far more miserable long term than you are currently. The fact that you were able to soldier on this gracefully so far is quite commendable. And I am not just saying it to cheer you up. I mean it. The energies are stable. Stability is extremely important for long term spiritual work. Treasure it. Yes... calling it fail-safe might be apt if I think about it. >Does that mean becoming more "pure-hearted" is the way out? Yes. That helps a lot. A heavy heart has a hard time progressing. >Or rather, the more filth I cleanse from everywhere within my being, and the more I cultivate higher feeling, sentiments, energy, awareness, etc. the better things can become externally. This too. It's both. As above so below. As within so without. Fixing inner problems results in improvement externally too. It is one of the most magical phenomenon of existence. Seeing just how easy and effortless things become once you start working on yourself earnestly. >There are several things eating at me that I've been meaning to post about in Help&Guidance for months now but when there's too much stuff going on in regular life I get too exhausted to confront them, then when there is time to relax I need to just rest. I don't know your current life circumstances but try to deal with these issues when you have a "Moment of relief" in your life. Personally I was way too impatient to wait for that moment of relief and broke open all my mental, emotional and energy blocks during one of the lowest point of my life because I was not willing to stand still and not progress spiritually and... well... it was kind of intense... for me and for everyone around me... I have no regrets tho. I was unwilling to remain a caged animal in this world of despair and delusion Take your time. You mentioned you have several fire signs. Every fire sign has a different "strategy". I have a strong Aries Mars-Moon conjunct and Pallas is there too if you like asteroids in your astrology which makes me quite prone to take my challenges head on. The Leo likes to roar and gather an army while Sagittarius runs around all the time and takes jabs at whatever he can but it's rarely willing to punch above his weight. You will have to figure out how to start and capitalize on your momentum. Spirituality is not something you can half ass. There is the slow and steady wins the race approach and the FULL FOCUS approach too. Different problems require different approaches. Even I had to learn to be patient. >This is something I've been wanting to bring up. But a lot of this stuff I don't even know how to formulate it into a question even though I need help understanding it. I... somewhat read your posts but didn't say a thing and tried my best not to energetically entangle myself with it yet because I had my hands full with other weirdos and you looked stable so I was thinking I will unfuck the weirdos before they end up in prison or the loony bin... You know. I too have a problem. I want to help everyone and sometimes I realize that I need to develop my abilities further before i can help meaningfully some people. For some people I require further insights before I can even figure out wtf are they even. We both developed since you posted those dreams and I think I know what she is... but unsure how to say it. She is an entity who "governs" your "true depth". I will reread your posts tomorrow and think up a proper answer if needed. I have a better understanding of your situation now but it's not easy to interpret it Kali will be definitely able to help you open up the parts of your psyche. She is a deeper far deeper and a long lost part of your being. >also I have a lifelong love of Venus That is normal. Especially for idealists like you. I visited the Venusian planes a lot a decade ago. I required some pure feminine energies to balance out the mundane hustle&bustle that I decided I have to march through no matter what > I try to do the right things but I still feel stuck well, not so much today and yesterday my energy is excited but I'm still not far from stuck Currently "being stuck" is a "choice" on your part. You have enough energy to move forward but you will have to "will it" a little. Your natural momentum is not that strong yet but you can force it if you wish to do it. >like VALIS did for Philip K. Dick with its pink laser beam Sorry I am not very well versed in fiction so I don't really get the reference but >I wish my patroness would just show up directly >tell it to me straight-up what I'm supposed to be doing. You need to meditate. Any type of void, silent mind or deep meditation types. She will appear and will talk to you if you are able to stay silent and attentive. She cannot manifest that easily yet. Her energies are not very "stable" for your current incarnation yet. >Regarding >>9920 I never got to ask you what you thought it was. I will read it tomorrow. On surface level it has a lot of pain and anguish that is why I didn't even read that post properly because I knew I have to "see through" that pain and it is not fun to do because it pulls you in and if you cannot find it's depth then you just poured acid into your eyes for no real reason. >That dream does seem like it could be some internal trauma healing Half of your dreams are about that but the thing is... it usually signify a new development too but I didn't manage to pinpoint your direction back then so I didn't involve myself yet. eggAnon and Gondola poster was a handful already. Protip btw. If you want my opinion on some matter then always post in the awakening thread. Nowadays I am busy and don't always have time to keep up with the other threads.

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>Could that be the "emancipation" you mentioned? Yes >remembering that feeling brings a tear to my eye. You managed to put that energy into that paragraph. Even I felt it. This is good news. You have conscious connection with that layer already. >Sometimes I wonder if that too was myself who already transcended time. Not just "time" but this entire illusion of this reality. Once you can shift your awareness you are golden. >But I'm still a bit worried I will neglect to mention something, or say it the wrong way and it will spoil the conversation You replied to me in the help and guidance thread while mentioning 2 chants then you deleted that post. One chant was a kali chant. Which was the other again? I want to make a chanting thread because it is an extremely efficient method for unfocused neophytes. I am not very knowledgeable about chants so I want to explore them further. And btw. Stop deleting your posts. Especially when you say useful things EggAnon and the pinoy schizo did this all the time. They said the important part then deleted it... then resulted spewing the same utterly nonsensical bullshit that helped no one. Don't be like them please I know fringe trolls gave you a hard time previously but don't think everyone treats you the same way as they did. >I am still unable to write (or think) linearly The Awakening thread exists for those non-linear posts. No need to overstress it >but really I'm just saying that to give myself permission to stop worrying about it Good to hear I will reread your old posts tomorrow and figure out a coherent reply. I think I will say one thing about it now. The main problem is that the dreams are littered with your issues and your "issues" are not the main problem. They are just "in the way" of your true energies. The dreams are about the dance of the "ego" layer and the "true depth" layer >and just felt this deeply profound, almost indescribably intense love and sympathy for my "self" And this is the "connection feeling" that I will need to make out of those dreams and figure out a way how to explain and guide you there while waddling through all those visions and feelings. Guiding others once I see their "destination" is easy but otherwise it's a mess. All you can do is to tell them to meditate on it. Btw. You need to meditate. >just felt this deeply profound, almost indescribably intense love and sympathy for my "self" Try focusing on this feeling during your meditation. I am 400% sure it will cause a breakthrough

>>13789 Forgot to mention stuff about your divine layer. Thanks for asking. >Was my divinity layer formed as a result of prayers, mantras, textual studies, etc. that I did the past couple years Yes. Those small colorful dots in the divinity layer, they are "signatures" of the entities you connected with. They marked you for protection/guidance. But they only help if you seek them out. They expect you to put effort into it. Your divinity layer is definitely a result of your efforts >or was I born with it? Looked into it and i got an image. You had a faint yellow outline around you when you were young. It is a natural protection field for those who have a "proper soul". Hard to explain but the soul-mind-body usually generates fields like that especially when you are still young, innocent and full with hope. But your current field is definitely a result of practice. You had to upgrade your faith to be able to march forward in this reality. >Or was it formed to protect me at some point during childhood? I think you had events that were somewhat "manipulated" so you learn to stay safe and far from trouble but I am unsure how your divinity layer developed during your childhood. Strong divinity layers can alter reality. Some people can alter it consciously while for others it cannot be modified without divine intervention. >>13792 Looked into it and heard a voice. She says <Keep writing (your novel) Hard to explain but you need to put more "soul" into her before she can help you meaningfully

>>13803 >Try focusing on this feeling during your meditation. I am 400% sure it will cause a breakthrough Would it be a bad idea for me to focus on that myself? I'm assuming so.

>>13804 You obviously should focus on your own problems first... but you know what? Try looking into it and see what happens if you are that interested. You also looked at your lying down physical body. Maybe you will find something in the process.

>>13788 >>9920 >For some reason I started crawling on my hands and knees at some point "Dimensional miasma". Dimensions where you don't have proper access or you didn't get used to the "air" yet do that and places of the psyche do this where you rarely "visit". Aka bottled up emotions. I had that in my teens too before I got good at energy work and lucid dreaming. >(which led me to falsely believe that myself in the car was wakefulness) Yet I had 2 different "sights" simultaneously and of equal vividness, the other being what had become a dashboard POV of this guy sitting in his car. So I'm just sitting there trying to handle this experience, frightened but reminding myself that I'm safe and in control of my environment, focusing on the reality of my hands and my body in the seat. Meanwhile this dude is so fucking loud ranting crazy shit at me. He spoke in what could be mistaken for the average negroidal vernacular, but it was actually kind of unique and distinct. I cannot emphasize enough the intensity, the mutual empathic terror we felt, and the steadily rising volume of his voice That was you. It was your bottled up emotions manifesting as a person.A shadow person I too had this with my sexual tensions. Becoming a large almost negroid like shadow being with a large dick and raping whatever that looked female in my dreams. Didn't really repeat for the last years tho >You know what kind of pain I'm in. I's gonna show you, where I is at... PAIN! Yeah. He said this for a reason. >When he pulled the trigger I was instantly relieved and grateful that he wasn't me Well... about this... No wonder I didn't read your post... That gun was my creation. A gun that has 1 sole purpose. Entering the psyche of anyone "who needs it" and the gun is able to manifest for the parts of yourself that "want to die". I created this gun long ago because... well... many people want and try to kill themselves when they are nearing awakening because all their shadow issues go berserk from the energetic overload. They usually fail, but not always. So instead of you trying to kill yourself IRL. Why not have a gun that attaches itself to any negative parts of yourself that just wants to kill itself? The gun was made by accident ofc but it was so efficient I let it be "passed around". This way no shadow issue can make people commit pointless atrocities and ruin their life forever if authorities get involved. It only attaches to a specific mindset. It's a sort of karma magnet. That can help resolve seemingly unresolvable karmic issues. People rarely realize that they are not their bottled up emotions and nor their shadow issues and "merge with it" because desperation and can ruin their life as a result. And people who didn't go through with negative experiences like those will just brand them as danger to society and ruin their life forever... not everyone gets a second chance when they are fully hooked on meds. And those whose brain chemsitry is altered with meds will face far more roadbloks on their spiritual journey. Still unsure how to help them because the entire playing field is altered for them. Completely forgot about it. Glad it could help you? Or sorry it happened Oh and being 2 passengers in a car. That is how the 2 hemispheres of the brain works. 1 passenger is the conscious the other is the subconscious. When you go to sleep the other takes the wheel. (This was a rough explanation. In reality it is more complex. The brain switches "drivers" far too frequently during the day) >However my relief was short-lived as a dangerously powerful gust of wind, visibly carrying massive amounts of sand and dust, began to blow in the direction toward my windshield That was a sign that something opened up for sure. The sand feels like your brown "Misfortune" tho. >Was I simply reintegrating a disturbed fragment of myself? I forgot to mention this. You have a "mundane" or "ego shadow" which is a personification of your traumas. This dude blew his head up (be grateful he did it). And now your "true depth shadow" can manifest. If she manifests as a female then you will need to find your very own "Masculine shadow" too to be able to "merge with her". She will explain it for sure. She is part of you after all >Did some local hobowizard telepathically force me to witness his suicide? Or both? Yupp. Now you don't need to become that hobowizard IRL because he was nice enough to end it while it was still within your psyche only >You know what kind of pain I'm in You know exactly well that pain. Even if you wanted to ignore it for your entire life. >I's gonna show you, where I is at... Hope your suicidal tendencies went away with it too. For some reason you don't seem suicidal. Might be the gift of your soul energies. Most people in your situation would be far more suicidal Don't be suicidal please. Even Smiley went into the ward because he started cutting himself as some edgy joke. I don't want smileys that act like emo girls All your "ego" shadow issues will have to go away before you can witness your own true depth. Might talk about your "dark feminine" later, but it's late for me here. This site came back online far later than I anticipated and I have a lot of work tomorrow. And I think I said a lot already anyway. You might need to digest it first. I fear that I am talking about these things little too casually and might appear uncaring. But you will have to accept that these things are "business as usual" while your psyche goes through the process. Everyone has these problems one way or the other. The best we can do is increase our awareness and try to overcome the issues without hurting ourselves and others as much as we can. Sometimes a little pain is necessary tho. We cannot truly avoid pain in this world of hurt

>>13802 >I too had to experience many types of suffering to have a way to be able to relate to certain people I wish to help in the future I guess it's a benefit to be able to empathize with different types of people, though it certainly doesn't feel like one. It's easy for me now to see someone who is acting retarded and getting hete for it, and understand how their suffering causes their behavior, and only feel sympathy for them. >As long as you have those energies you won't be able to ascend nor progress meaningfully Do I have to do something specific to get rid of them, or will they naturally dissipate as I improve? >I have seen people who are successful in their youth and once they hit a roadblock in their life they completely lose it. They spiral out of control because they just cannot accept failure in their life and they want to keep living as an immature vapid cunt and think everything they do will just "work out" and refuse to change in any way whatsoever. Reading this made me feel better about my 'wasted' youth. Media and cultural programming convince people to revere youth, and give the impression that fun is not allowed after a certain age. I've been noticing how old people especially love to do this, constantly telling younger people how their mind and body are going to inevitably fall apart. It's like they're passing on the same parasitic thought form that fucked them up, just to feel a tiny bit of selfish consolation. >I was unwilling to remain a caged animal in this world of despair and delusion Lately I've been feeling this more and more. Everything in this world is fake and gay. That may sound like nihilism or apathy but it's actually the polar opposite. Nearly all human behavior is nothing but an aimless attempt at self-distraction. It's sickening to think about. >You mentioned you have several fire signs Well, I wouldn't go so far as to say several. Of my "Big Three" both my ascendent and moon are fire signs, and some other planets are too. (This is all from memory as I haven't studied astrology or my own chart in quite some time) If you're cool with it I might want to show you my chart at some point. 2 problems though: First of all my chart is stored on the HD of a broken computer. I can still access it but it will be tedious. Secondly I don't feel comfortable leaving it somewhere so public. Maybe I could throw it up until you DL it, then delete it. idk just something to think about. >Sorry I am not very well versed in fiction so I don't really get the reference but PKD was indeed a fiction writer, but the reference I made is to something that allegedly really happened to him. VALIS was what he initially called an "alien satellite" but later admitted was more of a spirit iirc who would occasionally download information into his mind via what he perceived as a pink laser. This was information that he would have no way of knowing, the most tangible example being his chronically ill son who had a rare disease. VALIS told him exactly what it was, the Dr. checked for it, and sure enough the kid was able to be saved. His cosmology was that we are trapped in an artificial reality he called the "Black Iron Prison" created by the Romans in year 70-something A.D. He seems to be quite influential in both the occult and conspiracy communities overall. Discordianism, Neo-Gnosticism, etc. There's a lot more to the "story" and plenty of mysteries surrounding him. Glowies ransacked his house at one point iirc. I only read the first VALIS book out of 4 (he died mysteriously before finishing the 4th) and should probably get around to reading the rest considering how much his style of "awakening" resonates with me. There was also an old /fringe/ thread about his UFO experiences. His Man in High Castle is what first got me intrigued by Taoism btw. Something about dimension-jumping, which it kind of seems like Taoist texts could be alluding to in their own way. He found out that he was living simultaneous incarnations in VALIS too, and one was a Gnostic priest living outside of the simulation. >You need to meditate. Any type of void, silent mind or deep meditation types. She will appear and will talk to you if you are able to stay silent and attentive. Understood. I have extra physical impediments that make meditation more complicated. For example, I cannot lay on my back for more than 5-10 minutes or I will have a siezure. Lately I've been trying to get a schedule going again because visiting family fucked my whole system up. So far my current daily routine is quite successful, I can tell because I don't feel like shit when I first wake up. My Wim Hof game is getting good too. I'm starting to be able to take the full breaths without bracing my arms against my knees this was a pretty bad habit I was physically unable to break before I'm also working on transitioning to a keto diet. Currently experimenting with what kinds of foods I should buy and eat, before I fast for 48 hours (or however long it takes to reach ketosis). Then when that is established I can look into the TCM diet and fine-tune it even more to better support my spiritual activities Not only is Keto good for curing siezures, but I could tell it unlocks mind powers based on the times I reached it unintentionally, when I used to do regular fasts. >Protip btw. If you want my opinion on some matter then always post in the awakening thread. Good to know. You will probably see me post there soon. Already got some longposts in the works Then we can let the Intrusive Thoughters shitpost in peace I have so many WIP posts in txt documents right now it's ridiculous. It still takes me hours to complete one. Better than days or weeks, at least. >You replied to me in the help and guidance thread while mentioning 2 chants then you deleted that post. One chant was a kali chant. Which was the other again? Dhumavati https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hp1HubAcaTQ That day after I had spent 5 whole days in the monstrous 'suffering realms' I was quite disturbed by the experience and thought Dhumavati was the right Mahavidya to help me, so I started listening to her mantra. It triggered this realization of why I'm so terribly afraid to let go of my attachments. So I started ranting about how >>6448 is right and I'm the "Chosen One" and thus responsible for saving my family's souls, and most of all the soul of my dead dog. Sorting out the trauma of his death is gonna be another longpost, and probably the most painful one and the reason I can't detach from my own misery is because abandoning them would be unforgivable. I was going to ask how I could either get a future guarantee of their safety or arrange for them to be saved so I can detach from the world and be free. Something along those lines pretty sure I deleted the txt doc for that post too unfortunately So then the Dhumavati mantra ended and I switched to Kali which instantly made me calm and normal again btw I don't understand why everyone says Kali is so spoopy. She seems nice to me. Dhumavati is actually spoopy but also entirely helpful and thus I aborted my post before it had even posted. But then I made the shorter post you saw instead, which I later deleted out of embarrassment. >And btw. Stop deleting your posts. Especially when you say useful things I can't promise I won't do it again because having that option gives me more freedom to post. However I will remember and take that into account. Sorry about that. I erased my schizopost out of shame, but ended up emulating their behavior anyway. I don't want to be like those guys...

>>13847 >Nearly all human behavior is nothing but an aimless attempt at self-distraction. If a human does something that doesn't further the human's attempt at sustainable mundane survival that doesn't hinder others more than it needs to, then it's a distraction until the human has done everything that the human can reasonably do to secure the survival of him or her and potentially loved ones, or just you if you're a hermit that's trying to detach from everything as quickly as possible. After that, one might say that all there is left to do is to entertain one's self, but that's wrong; there's still evolution left to do until you become a peak-6D STO and are ready to merge with the all. Fun is bad for your survival because it's a distraction, therefore it's bad for you and you shouldn't care to have fun. Just speedrun your way to the credits and skip all the fun along the way so you can quit the game that is the mental realm and its sub-games sooner. But really though, I've heard some occultists say that life is not only meant to teach you lessons, but that it's also meant to be enjoyed. Why is that?

>>13849 Being anti-fun wasn't my point at all.

>>13851 Yeah when I was showering earlier after posting that I kinda thought it wasn't; I needed to get that outta my system, though.

I hate the demiurge.

>>13854 why?

>>13855 Because he forces me to think sexual thoughts against my will and to desire social interaction against my will and for not letting me have schizoid personality “disorder” and for having me circumcised as a child and medicated since I was a little kid. Imagine what a human could accomplish if he went from birth to death never seeing another human. It would be heaven. He would become really spiritual.

>>13857 >what a human could accomplish if he went from birth to death never seeing another human. It would be heaven How many of the people you see are actually human in the modern world? They're animals, and it's not heaven, it's hell.

>>13857 >Because he forces me to think sexual thoughts against my will and to desire social interaction against my will and for not letting me have schizoid personality “disorder” and for having me circumcised as a child and medicated since I was a little kid This is not the Demiurge. This is the United States of America. Don't blame the demiurge for the crimes of the USA. The demiurge doesn't deserve to be punished for the crimes of the USA.

>>13858 >How many of the people you see are actually human in the modern world? They're animals, and it's not heaven, it's hell. I meant going from birth to death without seeing these types of animal-people either. Monastic isolation from mundanes, basically living in a world where you are cut off from other "two legged talking animals" if that's the vocabulary you prefer. You would be immune to any propaganda because you would have never been forced to go to school or watch tv.

>>13867 I'll make you a sigil for one of the things I found on my recent astral space travels (shared elsewhere) and if you are able to activate it, maybe you can do this by switching timeline. >one white cogwheel module with black center >Used as a support for psychic/mental abilities to create a greenhouse area on a planet, by extracting timelines with high vegetation growth and inserting them inside a dome of mist, which creates a concealed "temple" for the creator, possibly for developing into an astral space. Could be an old and bulky method for creating space colonies, probably not used much because the person doing this basically has to be "ascended" already, which makes it hard to set up new colonies considering these people don't normally interact with physical reality. Sigil is too difficult to use so no need to worry about accidental activation. Focus on this for as long as needed, imagining the blue circle as the deserted planets you want to move to, and the inner grey circle as your own greenhouse dome with its own climate. If you succeed, you'll "know" that you are in that place, feeling the warmth and seeing the free fruit growing on the trees, which will give you everything you need. Then at some point in the future you may move there (which may happen as you go to sleep one night).

>>13869 Not trying to be rude but I don’t trust your help bloodanon. Others have said it comes with strings attached and backdoors. Besides, what has been done in my life has been done and is to some extent irreversible.

>>13857 your reasons for hating him are valid >>13879 you don't like strings and backdoors?

>>13881 Strings are annoying when they get caught on your toenail, and backdoors are gross.

>>13883 strings are interesting lines backdoors are good protocol

>>13879 >it comes with strings attached and backdoors It's not something I add to my workings. Normally (as in this case) I just channel a combination of the board's needs, spiritual reality outside of it, and my own goals, uniting them into the form of posts. In more plain language, I'm allowing forces what were outside of the board's reach to manifest so that other users can interact with them in ways which are synchronized with their needs and my own intent. This creates an outline where things that may have been discussed in vague ways and seemed beneficial in specific ways, manifested into concrete reality where they appeared to be different than what the common perception told the users. Then they get angry and think I "ruined" something, when all I did was dispel some illusions by exposure to the real thing. As for the sigil, it was the same, it's a correlation with what exists (artifact I found), some needs which were expressed on the board (your posts, as well as vague desire in the background telling me someone wants this) and something which made me want to draw it. This last part ended up being because I wanted to unite this idea into a sigil but lacked motivation to do so. I saw it being activated 3 times, even if you didn't want it, so that means the "hidden desire" was indeed there among some lurkers.

>>13888 Hmm. Proof of work just activated with that spinning eternity 8 on it, then when the post came through, there was some kind of energy explosion, and it ended up with trips of 8.

I think it may have been related to wanting to get rid of the confused trash making up the "hermetic" egregore and allowing Mercury variant to manifest instead. Hermes is such a fag. Mercury on the other hand. Feels like this'd make a good virgin vs chad pic. Mercury being both a planet and the metal of alchemists by name, as well as the god of merchants, all in the same name root, and his father is Jupiter. Hermes: name sounds like herpes and makes on think of a room with no air, hermetically shut. No wonder no one gets anywhere with "hermeticism", it's made to shoot yourself in the foot and then go around blaming le demi-urge for your own urges you didn't handle.

>>13839 >Dimensional miasma". Dimensions where you don't have proper access or you didn't get used to the "air" yet do that and places of the psyche do this where you rarely "visit". Interesting. That sounds similar to Lon Milo DuQuette's explanation for the strong gusts of wind that occur during AP, which I alluded to earlier regarding the sandstorm. >That gun was my creation. I am quite amazed to read this, and now I actually remember how you mentioned that gun to someone before though I didn't think much of it at the time. Most of the stuff you're saying about this I don't really know what to say in response but it deserves acknowledgement. >I don't want smileys that act like emo girls I've only ever cut myself once. It wasn't for the typical emo reasons though. My actual reason seems far more deranged I can remember one of the few times I bothered to show up to middle school I overheard these 2 emo girls comparing and bragging about their scars from cutting. I thought that was so fucking stupid. >I fear that I am talking about these things little too casually and might appear uncaring I want to say "Don't worry about it" but it might be childhood cope from emotional neglect

I've been trying to write a very important post for the past few days but every time I attempt to work on it my left ear gets some kind of blockage which is extremely annoying and uncomfortable, activates the neurological problem between my jaw and shoulders, and causes me to become irritable and tense. This is the exact opposite of the state of being I need to express deep things. Everything I try fails to remove the blockage and only agitates my nerves even worse. For some reason it always decides to become a problem when I attempt to work on that exact post, and has me wondering if there's some kind of correspondence with that part of the body. There are multiple reasons I feel pressure to finish that post. The way I have to do these is by thinking of points though contemplation, memorizing them and then figuring out how to coherently express them in words. Every time this bullshit happens my flow is completely ruined. I think right now the best thing is for me to follow the 22nd Law of Power (begrudgingly)

>>13892 Pay attention to your posture. When you get lost in your thoughts too much and borderline automatic write, there is a chance that the posture might tense up at the wrong places and cause pain as a result.

Was testin stuff for the new thread. Now site thinks I'm a spammer or something and can't upload files... Hope it expires soon

Hammer-flag anon, you mentioned some things about how some humans are "satyrs". Does it relate to this?

>>13908 I've never seen that image before. I was only talking about this https://archive.org/details/the-mystery-of-sex-or-sex-polarity . William Walker Atkinson's book the secret of sex or sex polarity. I'm attaching a pdf but not sure if 8moe will let me. By the way the creature in your drawing is a centaur not a satyr.

>>13908 https://psychologydictionary.org/satyriasis-satyrism/ You may be thinking of this.

Still can't post a fucking picture or anything else... If anyone remakes my thread in my stead then MAKE SURE TO MAKE IT FUNNY. And post a picture with the Temptations of Saint Anthony... I even downloaded this vid with Keanu screaming at the Wachowskis for the OP... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lksyNJhgyyE Qfaggots can spam the site, but not me... This must be a sign from the universe. My thread making days are over. I have to let the next generation pick up the staff and make the next Intrusive thoughts thread *sigh* Thanks for posting in my thread guys. Can't believe testing how to make a triforce on this shitty website flaged me as a spammer somehow   ▲ ▲ ▲

>>13915 Restart your router or something and make a real new thread. Because that thing up there can't be saved.

Energy is weird, feels like an old closet.

>>13921 >or something It turns out... it is a Pale Moon issue Pale Moon is not supported according to the main thread on /site/ Several Anons had the same problem BUT ONLY ON SPECIFIC BOARDS The internet is haunted.

Can I post a pictor with my new browser