>>779
>I didn't think I'd get replied to so soon
I can wait more days before a reply if you want
>I'm currently writing down my experience in a coherent manner, that way it will be easier for others to understand.
Yeah forget coherence and easy to understand. You are still not giving enough detail about how you do your magic and how it is weaker. Not to mention using only tabletop lore as your mental framework is not a good idea long term.
>I just don't like dealing with absolutes
Yeah... Absolutes are not that simple. What you think as an absolute is not always the "end" usually it is just the beginning of the end a mere new chapter.
>absolutes restrict freedom of thought
True in a sense but only if you consider the absolute as a "limit" to your understanding. Sometimes you need to use it as a foundation. Btw I am still not getting what you consider an "absolute" here. I am not even sure absolutes exist anymore tbh. There is always a bigger fish always a higher truth always a backdoor or a workaround.
>I'm suspicious, because it was all gone it an instant
Yeah paranoia is not exactly a good thing to have because that usually reinforces the hold of negative entities in a way that their presence is not even needed anymore.
>that whatever caused me all of this has just stopped influencing me
Truth is I don't really feel a strong entity presence emanating from you but
>so as to let me lower my guard and come back when I can't hold it off properly
If you feel this way then you will have to inspect the origin of that feeling besides fear. Truth is most entities are pussies but that doesn't mean they are not persistent until they realize they have no chance against you.
>How could I ,some guy, do such a thing, that would be extremely unlikely
Yeah not having confidence within yourself weakens your energy body not to mention incarnated people have a strong energy body that blows away most non physical entities if they are not held back by lower energies like fear and anxiety or other substance abuses. Also I don't understand why you consider yourself
>some guy
Everyone starts the journey as the fool. I even heard somewhere that the name Jesus was as widespread as the name John back then. So Jesus was a mere average Joe. Every story starts with "some guy" doing "something" then shit happens. This is the Hero's journey.
>What I felt was "wrong" with me is complex
Yeah if you want help you will have to write it down further so I can figure out if it's an entity messing with you or it's actually a past life going mad energetically.
>To destroy all, to corrupt, to defile etc.
Yeah I too have that sometimes especially during shadow work. I remember when I had the urge to defile corpses. It turned out that is the energy that is within the entrails where "bacteria" is literally "defiling corpses". This is why fasting is encouraged in many faiths so these shit energies don't poison your pure energy practice.
>I might have made my problem worse
Yeah I am still not sure exactly of the parameters of the problem. What you describe here is something we all go through willingly.
>I was referring to this: https://whitewolf.fandom.com/wiki/Avatar
Okay i read this and you will have to get acquainted what is an ACTUAL avatar in spirituality. First off an "avatar" might be you the person in the flesh an avatar of your higher self. Second Gods had avatars where instead of actually incarnating they made an avatar that had to go through the birth process and the human learning/growth process then they realized who they are and developed abilities of their own truth like Krishna and other hindu beings.
What is written here as an "avatar" is the same as what Jung figured out already
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anima_and_animus
I too have these "avatars" but I call them guides or past life shards or some aspects of my higher self. Some of them are mean assholes that need to learn their place while some of them are heralds of my own potential.
>An inverted avatar guides the mage to the descension
An "invented avatar" is literally the "Jungian shadow". And the "descension" is the shadow work we have to complete so we can figure out the energetic shackles that hold (back) our potential. It's not pretty for anyone.
>is that it compels the mage who has one to do things that help that mage to descend
Yes our shadow does that this is why we have to work with it and realize how the shadow is a part of our psyche that we are hiding from ourselves. And bottling it up does not help so we work with it so we can be free from the lower thoughts. First we realize the shadow can be an external entity we figure out how to deal with it then we realize the shadow is part of us and because of that we need to accept it and "free it" from these dark desires otherwise you both will suffer. The shadow work kicks the ass of many occultists if they don't pace themselves and lie to themselves during the process. The whitewolf wiki wrote down well how it can cause split personalities and other mental instabilities. This shadow once cleaned and reintegrated and understood can be used to breach into higher and lower realities. It becomes the "holy spirit". The Anima and Animus forces Jung described. And more.
>This in practice manifests as the mage being compelled to do really evil shit.
Oh and I am compelled to do evil shit to my shadow and to every entity that dares to overtake my shadow. Yes btw foreign entities can overtake parts of your subconscious and your shadow to influence you. If you don't consider the shadow "yourself" or part of yourself then others can overtake it. This is why shadow work can get messy if you don't know what you are doing. This is why unstable people are cautioned to not invoke powerful forces or demons because if their psyche is weak the shadow gets overcharged and overtakes the occultist. This is magic 101 here.
>I looked into myself and that might be the case
Yeah this is how I see it too currently. You said you did magic and you are bad at it now. Those who can do magic effortlessly have a powerful aura that is easy to feel. While I am not the master of psychic sensitivity yet I can still notice sometimes how much power someone holds if I pay attention.
>My connection to my avatar isn't as strong as it could be because there is something blocking it. I could unclog it, but I won't
Yeah if your avatar would be strong it would literally jump through my screen while trying to look into you. It is quite dormant and I am not even sure if I "see" the "avatar" you are talking about at all.
>Things work enough as they are now
If you feel that way then I am not sure if there is a point helping you in any way. This is your own journey your own life. Proceed as you see fit.
>the newly cleared connection could be exploited by my avatar to exert influence onto me.
What newly created connection? Also higher energies cannot be overtaken by lower energies that easily. Like oil and water don't mix. Sometimes it is like wind and water or even more different.
>This has been going on for the past 8 or so years
wew
>This thread was created a week ago. [Expand Post]
Yes and fringe has other anons that have past or not time bound "avatars" influencing their lives. Fringe has quite the history. This is why this is the intrusive thoughts thread. We discover the influences that make us post the worst and dumbest things. By some posters I meant >>744 this guy for example.
>I used, and still use, that as a coping mechanism.
That is bad. You will have to face yourself. You have to realize the inner truth of your avatar or you realize it's "not (You)" at all but a mere shadow a malformed version of you that you have to fix by yourself. You sorta become the guide the savior of your warped doomed self. You go through the light and darkness together to realize who you truly are.
>>780
Also this is a perfect advice. Maybe even better than mine.