Can you at least perform a magic trick and record it on video for us?

>>380 I am not a magician actually, So I can't do magic. I do graphic design sometimes. Is there anyway you can help me with $2k?

>>381 I have no money, young one, for I am what they call a NEET. However the Fringe Wizard of this board may be able to assist you, but he expects at least some effort on your part to entertain him with a magic trick on video.

Is there no anon is this board can help me out? Not even a single person? My life is literary stuck cause of 2k

Why don't you sell some of your bitcoin.

>>379 >My mother always wanted me to see as a police officer but without completing the graduation its impossible for me. I am not sure becoming a police officer is a good idea when the global unrest levels are high and will rise further in the next 2 years no matter what. And 2K for a year? You can get a doctorate with that in my country and not a job that makes you into an armed state golem. Wtf. Where do you even live. I fear you are walking into a deathtrap already. Or this is an advanced looshfarming technique that I noticed in spiritual circles how they beg for money from their gullible followers nowadays. Yes the economy is fucked and everyone has one of their worst time of their lives so it's no wonder. At least looshfarming is somewhat fringe. What even made you post on this board. I mean I can see how you posted on wizardchan and 7chan already after a quick search but why fringe? Are you planning to become a Beggomancer? Hope at least this is not a simply written bot. Dead internet is one of the thing that scare me a little.

>>384 I don't have any now

>>385 Its easier for you to think that way, but not for me anon. Don't you think I have already try my best and every single way to manage before posting and asking for help?

>>385 >beggomancer LMAO For real tho. This thread is the opposite of dead internet theory. OP is what happens when a critical mass of third-worlders gain access to the internet. For OP, the internet is not the magical place it was for you. It’s not special. Just another arena in which to pour their rotten, dependent energy. They exist in survival mode from craddle to grave. Only the worst of capitalism. “Getting a job” is the meaning of life, only followed by “show boobs and vegana”. The literal bottom of Maslow’s pyramid. These are the souls that will end up incarnating in pseudoimmortal robots in Mars in the coming centuries, and having a lot of fun with it. But they have nothing to do with you. >>388 Nobody here can help you. You are subject to dynamics that were set in motion before you existed. Figure it out yourself, in this lifetime or any other. That’s all this is for.

>>396 >For OP, the internet is not the magical place it was for you. It’s not special. Just another arena in which to pour their rotten, dependent energy. Thanks for writing down this hard truth for me. I never even realized this by myself. How internet is just an another place of consumerism and gossip central like it was the market through all history for plebs and how for 3rd worlders it's just an another place where they can beg like paupers in the outskirts of the market until they get kicked out once they start to disturb the flow of commerce. I never even realized how people don't see the magic of the internet. It should have been obvious. But it seems the internet and all this easy to access information made me too blissful to see it. >These are the souls that will end up incarnating in pseudoimmortal robots in Mars in the coming centuries, and having a lot of fun with it A nice revelation. What granted you this insight into the future? >But they have nothing to do with you. Yeah even my guides said while I tried to categorize the energy he is emitting and they said it's "emotional extortion". This is why I said if he decides to go forward on the path of Beggomancy he can be considered fringe a little. There were always monks with vows of poverty. If he uses his powers for spiritual gains he is worth supporting but to become a police officer in this decade? Bet police officers have respect in his country. They probably emit some degree of authority and status where he comes from and not the rotten curse of bureaucratic violence like in 99% of the west. >Figure it out yourself, in this lifetime or any other. That’s all this is for. This advice is worth more than 2K and all education but I bet most people wouldn't even pay more than a penny for it. >>388 >Don't you think I have already try my best and every single way to manage before posting and asking for help? If this is your "best" are you sure you will be able to manage your life once you are out of education? I don't know what is the best and what is the worst of people anymore. Seen too many things already and I know I barely managed to scratch the surface yet. Some years ago I would have said if your best doesn't work then try your worst. Nowadays I am way too aware of the shadow of humanity and not willing to give that advice to anyone. Sometimes losing a battle and sitting out some rounds is better than doing the worst. But who knows. >You are subject to dynamics that were set in motion before you existed Sometimes these dynamics require our worst before we can truly access a fragment of our best.

>>398 >A nice revelation. What granted you this insight into the future? A long story. A combination of talking to psychics and personal gnosis. Something about a certain subset of souls colonizing Mars in a transhumanist future and leaving an uninhabitable Earth and another set staying on a subtle version of Earth after transcending pure 3D. >This is why I said if he decides to go forward on the path of Beggomancy he can be considered fringe a little The fact that he posted here and got exposed to our deranged rants means his soul is different. Whether he does something with that or not it's another story.

Asked a wizard to help me remove happy merchant from my third eye so it'd stop shitting up my creativity and he left behind a construct to help break shit down, but ever since then I've been feeling anxious that my memories became fuzzier and more distant from my emotions. Really need a wizard to help me the fuck out here.

>>405 >since then I've been feeling anxious that my memories became fuzzier and more distant from my emotions The servitor is doing some shadow work in your brain. Which means it cleansed out some of your darker emotions which fed the happy merchant and a bunch of other negative energies that reinforced it. The servitor seems easy to control so my advice is calm down and gently ask it to go away once it finished it's job. It's important to drink water as the wizard said and to calm the fuck down. And yes if your memories feel fuzzy then sit down and visualize them. Reconnect with your memories and try to remember the feelings that surrounded them while visualizing it. If you feel anxious stop trying to visualize and try to find an activity that calms you down. Listen to some gentle music watch some movie you like or talk to people that you consider good company and sleep properly. Try to forget this whole thing. Also I am not sure what kind of creative work you are doing but your emotions will need to slowly reboot themselves in a healthy way first and that might cause a little short term fuzziness. It shouldn't be able to ruin your creativity long term. I don't think you need more arcane solution for this problem here. Also my guides said pay more attention to the surrounding problems of your life more. It seems there is an issue in your life that makes you stressed and you created this thoughtform as a distraction without realizing. >>401 >The fact that he posted here Wonder what brought him here tbh.

>>406 What I meant is that I used to visualize all the emotionally significant moments of my life in a chronological order down to the precise date based on what was said, felt, imagined, thought, etc. with a large vocabulary to assort them with. Typically I'd be able to compartmentalize and invalidate the meme through multi-level dissection through criticism, but I've been missing that capability since Feb. 13th during a rather bad trip and have had a hard time reassembling that mental faculty, now it feels like I'm drifting through the motions. Attempting to recollect the memories through vague, inextricable feelings beyond description that can only be processed through adjacent terms through synesthesia is rather difficult.

>>407 >What I meant is that I used to visualize all the emotionally significant moments of my life in a chronological order down to the precise date based on what was said, felt, imagined, thought, etc. with a large vocabulary to assort them with. Wow. Are your memories this important for you? Damm. No wonder you are anxious being unable to connect them well. >Typically I'd be able to compartmentalize and invalidate the meme through multi-level dissection through criticism >through criticism What? You take it apart then try to assign a new meaning to the parts or how should I imagine this process. I mean I too take apart memories and let them melt or mellow or break apart when they cause harm or trauma but it seems your process is a little different. >missing that capability since Feb. 13th during a rather bad trip Oof. Yes that can hurt. Your psyche might have felt a recoil and generated a maladapted energetic reflex that needs time to heal and untangle itself. Sadly every trip is different and I am not too experienced with them so seeing the issue here might take time. >have had a hard time reassembling that mental faculty, now it feels like I'm drifting through the motions. As someone who is taking apart his mental faculties for the sole purpose of attaining higher ones my advice is: Don't try to reassemble it. Try to make a new one. Feel the first years when you even tried to think this way. Instead of trying to retain an old mental moveset create a new one. That might establish new connections in your brain that might create something even better than the previous was. Also did you have good trips since that? Maybe your subconscious is a little traumatized and there is an energetic clog deep within that might take a little time to untangle. > Attempting to recollect the memories through vague, inextricable feelings beyond description that can only be processed through adjacent terms through synesthesia is rather difficult. You truly have an artistic mind. I just started to develop this part of my mind for further spiritual work in the last years to a higher degree. Mindfulness meditation might help but I am not sure what else is needed yet. Hard to say what is the problem here. There are too many unknowns for me. Not just because I don't know your lifestyle and your current and old mental situation in enough detail but I don't know the style of the wizard either. I could look into it further but I am not sure it's needed. But if you feel it's necessary you can give me some pointers. I mean only a week passed since your deal with the wizard. These remotely assisted energetic shadow works take time. His energy is still within your psyche. It still feels it has some work to do. Try to feel that energy and talk to it. Hope you felt something new happening since he casted the spell. Try to connect to that new feeling.

>>408 >What? You take it apart then try to assign a new meaning to the parts or how should I imagine this process. I mean I too take apart memories and let them melt or mellow or break apart when they cause harm or trauma but it seems your process is a little different. No, I invalidate it by tearing into why it's shit through harsh, thorough criticism and it'd leave me. >Oof. Yes that can hurt. Your psyche might have felt a recoil and generated a maladapted energetic reflex that needs time to heal and untangle itself. Sadly every trip is different and I am not too experienced with them so seeing the issue here might take time. Felt an entity that took on the visage of one of my characters warn me to not have dad on the mind, but by the time the high kicked in I was already going off on him for being unable to let me spiritually ascend, freestyling with my wordfuckery/lexicoital verbosity only to stumble on describing his repressive, superstitious, anti-drug propaganda driven paranoia against me getting high and his inability to let the past go, and that's when I was visualizing a deep blue mandelbrot going inwards/downwards, like I was being lead down a dark, cold corridor. Was nearly getting to his crown chakra before it all fell apart, and I feel as if I'm no longer in control of my destiny. There wasn't anything wrong with the old psychological framework that united both conscious and subconscious (at least not up until then), and I'm trying to reassemble it while attempting to demanifest some anon off halfchan and a hidden rootkit on my PC. Now after this, I feel like all my issues have snowballed into a writhing, multifaceted mass that's impossible to overcome. Funnily enough, I can remember the start of last year before it became an issue, but I have strong doubts that returning to a better state like that is even possible. >Hard to say what is the problem here. There are too many unknowns for me. Not just because I don't know your lifestyle and your current and old mental situation in enough detail but I don't know the style of the wizard either. I could look into it further but I am not sure it's needed. But if you feel it's necessary you can give me some pointers. 4plebs archive with /AWA/ (second thread) has the majority of the context on his end, I gave you mine.

>>409 >No, I invalidate it by tearing into why it's shit through harsh, thorough criticism and it'd leave me. Well that doesn't always work. Not even with people. That usually only works with "kind" entities and it just feeds tricksters. You will have to energetically connect to it then take it apart. Just like how Neo defeated Mr. Smith in Matrix 3. Sometimes you have to enter the being and take it apart internally. Their visage is not always the enemy but the energy behind the illusion. You need to be real brave for that. Not sure if you are ready for that. >not have dad on the mind Yeah that might be one of your most serious issue. >but by the time the high kicked in I was already going off on him for being unable to let me spiritually ascend, freestyling with my wordfuckery/lexicoital verbosity only to stumble on describing his repressive, superstitious, anti-drug propaganda driven paranoia against me getting high and his inability to let the past go, This will be hard to explain but we have shadows archetypes sort of tulpas within our mind mostly dormant in out subconscious. The most important ones are our parents. They gave us our genetics and most of our psyche came from them. They are part of us. As you disagree with your dad you disagree with a part of yourself. That creates a mental split and that mental part will attach itself to random energies and entities sometimes. You don't exactly need to kill or banish the entity but reattain/reabsorb the part that it inhabits. Sadly your dad is not completely wrong. Some people are unable to handle the energies they work with and the problem with drugs is that it makes us dependent on it and you don't learn how to activate/control your own energy circuits/meridians on your own. The drug does it and your subconscious tries it's best to make you "sober" again. Spiritual masters discourage drugs and if you don't have someone who guides you through your trips or you are unable to handle it weird anomalies will happen when you are unable to handle the outcomes. As much as I too wanted to take psychedelics in my youth and couldn't because never had the time to be a druggie as time went by I realized how I can open and close the energy valve's in the body and create all the visions and highs drugs did. Drugs applied in the wrong way do harm. So does spirituality. This is why eastern religions urge you to have a guru so you don't fuck it up while western religions forbid and warn against magic/demons because once you fuck it up you are on your own. You will have to make amends with your dad. Both in your mind and in the physical. If you are unable to do it in this life you will have to do it in the afterlife. >when I was visualizing a deep blue mandelbrot going inwards/downwards, like I was being lead down a dark, cold corridor You entered an energetic pathway. You will have to find what mystery lies there and solve it/activate it/fill it with energy/make it warm. There are many like that in the body. >Was nearly getting to his crown chakra before it all fell apart The crown chakra is about unity. Oneness. If you disagree with someone "in your head" you "split apart". If you have an open crown chakra you will be able to connect everyone and understand their fears and dissipate them if your reasoning is one with the greater truth. You cannot open the crown chakra and keep a selfish lower ego or these things happen. Entering the crown chakra of others means becoming one with them. If you have an unstable psyche you shouldn't do it. >I feel as if I'm no longer in control of my destiny. What made you think that you were in control at all? If you are unable to overcome your trials then were you in control it? The dark night of the soul is a necessity. Insanity awaits those who walk the path improperly. The question is. Are you willing to go through it? Also don't be too hung up on the concept of "ascension" because you will have to go through hell and purgatory and face all your demons and not just fly off and never ever look back. Only hermits can do that who renounced the physical completely. >the old psychological framework that united both conscious and subconscious (at least not up until then), The problem is that we usually don't "unite it" but merely "bridge it" and as you can control parts of our subconscious now the subconscious will influence your conscious too. Instead the subconscious being the dark mirror and hidden mechanism of the conscious you start throwing trash into it and sometimes we do more harm than good without realizing. This is why the dark night of the soul is important when we descend into our own darkness and let them manifest and reveal all our issues. Be the issues our own or with others that influence us. >and I'm trying to reassemble it while attempting to demanifest Try to reconnect to it. Sometimes there are minor entities/energies connected to it and you just have to get rid of it and retake the energies of the mass. >I feel like all my issues have snowballed into a writhing, multifaceted mass that's impossible to overcome It's not always wise to fight it. Sometimes you have to understand what it keeps it together.. What parts belong to you and what parts belong to outsider forces. Don't throw insults at it. Try to hear what it tries to say and try to listen to your inner voice that tells you how to proceed. >I have strong doubts that returning to a better state like that is even possible. Depends how serious you are willing to get. It's not easy I can confirm. I too had my fair share of this kind of madness. >4plebs archive with /AWA/ (second thread) has the majority of the context on his end, I gave you mine. Yeah found the thread but it seems there is more context on your part and many people tried to tell you what to do and I have to read all of them. I am not sure my reply will help you here. You might be too panicked to hear and see what you need atm. >>410 Also pls don't fucking go to the internet if you do serious meditation. Cleansing your environment and figuring out how to "finish the set" how to "switch off" the extra energies is important before we interact with the mundane madness. These rookie mistakes can do serious harm and you will have to understand there is no one to blame for this but yourself. Otherwise you will be unable to understand where you fucked up and switch off the problematic parts. I am not sure what I wrote will help you at all. In the end this whole process depends on your own ability and understanding of energies. The wizard did his best already. I will look through the AWA thread just in case

>>411 The Acetylpsilocybin entity was an imagined form of a character I represented a somewhat helpful superconscious mentor with, and pops from what I know is some heavily americanized conservative asian boomer, metacognitively disabled and more of an NPC. But you'd be right on disagreeing with a part of myself, as I could remember the bad trips earlier where I asked to get hospitalized from when I felt I was dying. No idea what happened to my psyche during nor after those moments, but I can ascertain it probably wasn't for the best. >You entered an energetic pathway. You will have to find what mystery lies there and solve it/activate it/fill it with energy/make it warm. There are many like that in the body. As for the energy pathway regarding pop's mentality or third eye, I took it to visually represent the concept of a closed off, rudimentary, primitive, fearful superstition based on an overreliance on MSM when denouncing it, but that wasn't something I was capable of articulating through alliteration nor rhymes, but later took to be a failing of my articulative capabilities which I assume the 4-AcO-DMT entity discombobulated as punishment for being unable to spit hot bars. >What made you think that you were in control at all? If you are unable to overcome your trials then were you in control it? Of myself? I was able to manifest tangible changes in the collective conscious/internet noosphere through intent, or feeling while on it. Mostly underlying sentiments that I give power to through feeling. A certain connection to the source of reality that enabled me to influence my sphere or reality. >You don't exactly need to kill or banish the entity but reattain/reabsorb the part that it inhabits. That trip I was speaking of happened last month on Feb. 13th, but the issue on March 4th and onwards from https://archive.4plebs.org/x/thread/37373429/ when sleeper agent kept obstructing my closure by making my sacrifice about him, feeling that conceited, narcissistic doppelganger I had set out to remove from half/x/ was then untouchable had my heart in a tense bind that I can't figure out how to unravel. The entity I'm speaking of was on March 11th when I was still healing or trying to open myself up, only to stumble upon that image whose hideous visage ingrained itself into my mental retina. It felt rather high vibrational, but my panick in removing it was certainly low vibrational. It's been two weeks, and none of the subliminals I've listened to seem to have any meaningful impact. Perhaps the belief that there's nothing I can do about this urgent situation is what's causing it, like my cognition and divine connection are at stake. >It's not always wise to fight it. Sometimes you have to understand what it keeps it together.. What parts belong to you and what parts belong to outsider forces. Don't throw insults at it. Try to hear what it tries to say and try to listen to your inner voice that tells you how to proceed. Between the person I want removed whose insultingly simplistic and incomprehensible worldview based around three psychological profiles (empathy, psychopathy, schizophrenia) he redefined to structure his incoherent and downright psychologically damaged theological framework, the heretical visage implying Jesus to be a proponent of modern-day judaism, and whatever negative trip I had, It's hard to tell. On the anon, I get that he's also a schizo like how I fancied myself (though I tended more towards lucidity in the madness whereas he conflates madness with lucidity itself), but to distance myself by closing my heart chakra and axing any philosophical or metaphysical similarities was nothing short of destructive. Can't even let myself feel my own emotions out of fear of unconsciously nourishing him, and given the correlation between me thinking about his return and him returning, I believe there's some cord that I either can't identify, or feel morally insufficient to sever. Doesn't help that I had bought the perfidious twist of "whatever you wish onto others comes back onto you" that subtly discredits my intention towards removing malefic and twisted influences, which I've heard from another wizard who became a freemason. It's a disingenuous mental trap delivered from a moral high ground that he clearly didn't have, and I felt his intent was to fuck me over through it. >Try to reconnect to it. Sometimes there are minor entities/energies connected to it and you just have to get rid of it and retake the energies of the mass. Attempting to reconnect to that same framework of process-relational panentheism, numerology, law of attraction and positive disintegration is rather difficult given my numerous spats with the delusional serpent in pic related who unquestioningly believes in his own bullshit. It started with a thought in my head remembering what I hated about that anon, which coalesced into an urge to check /ng/ on half/x/ and my heart clenched to see that he wasn't gone, but still there, as if to taunt me for my failures to remove the infinitesmally small and farcical rebuttal to my worldview that I got far too invested in disputing to dismiss and get over. Used to simply dread him persisting despite my persistence, now the issue compounded itself by feeling I had done myself wrong. Do I just visualize my "beliefs" overtaking the minor energies/entities, or do I mentally return to that exact moment (or what I can recall of it that hasn't been blotted out) and mentally sever the subconscious compulsion to visit nobody general for any traces of his return? >The dark night of the soul is a necessity. Insanity awaits those who walk the path improperly. The question is. Are you willing to go through it? Also don't be too hung up on the concept of "ascension" because you will have to go through hell and purgatory and face all your demons I'm already in the dark night of the soul, but I'm misguided as to how to navigate it, or what to do.

>>411 >figuring out how to "finish the set" how to "switch off" the extra energies What do you mean, like clearing all the negative psychoemotional influences I got hit with this year? >These rookie mistakes can do serious harm and you will have to understand there is no one to blame for this but yourself. Otherwise you will be unable to understand where you fucked up and switch off the problematic parts. I know I'm the reason why this shit happened to me, but with my third eye and crown chakra kinda closed off out of fear of powering the unholy image that slipped right through it. I've no idea as to if balancing these chakras along with the rest would be in my best interest, since I'm afraid it might spread and attach to all these other energy centers. I know who I am and who I was before it got into my brain, and I'm dead set on recovering that version of me.

>>412 Okay I read the AWA where you took up half the thread and it seems what I advised you didn't come up. They just told you to ignore the entity and the wizard did a cleansing protocol so let's continue with some minor explanations. >As for the energy pathway regarding pop's mentality or third eye, I took it to visually represent the concept of a closed off, rudimentary, primitive, fearful superstition based on an overreliance on MSM when denouncing it, but that wasn't something I was capable of articulating through alliteration nor rhymes, but later took to be a failing of my articulative capabilities which I assume the 4-AcO-DMT entity discombobulated as punishment for being unable to spit hot bars. So when you spit out "Hot rhymes" and such you are just sending energy out which serve as a sort of mantra system which is good but it probably disrupts the way you can receive any useful insights from within. There will be a time when you have to realize the silent mind and how a single word has more power than hour long rhythm stand offs. Now the next thing. Your current magical world view. Sadly it is not so much better than the MSM one. Yes I am aware of the propaganda and such in it but what I am trying to say that your belief system is not internalized truth but a mesh of magical traditions put together like the MSM articles are randomly put together. Which means they are almost as unreliable. As you connected to this MSM overreliance mindwave it just merged with yours and as you denounced it you denounced your own imperfect ways. >I was able to manifest tangible changes in the collective conscious/internet noosphere through intent Being able to influence reality is not the same as being the master of your destiny. These "little results" usually create an overinflated ego that will make you rush into the most reckless retardations. This is why we have to watch over and understand what destiny means and how karma connects everything. I am not saying don't use your ability I am saying try to understand what you are doing. Most magicians end up in their own ass and get mad from their own hubris. This is why being a mundane is better than being a retarded psychic. Never steer up shit for the sake of stirring shit up. >A certain connection to the source of reality that enabled me to influence my sphere or reality. Yeah dude everyone has that but most are extremely unaware of it. And if you have such a great connection to the source why do you do drugs? You should be able to synthesize the effects of the drugs from the source. With that you would become more in tune with your own powers and not fall into the pit of schizoid druggies. I thought drugs gave you powers by default. There are many people who are unable to see beyond the veil without drugs. Drugs are only needed for them. >I had set out to remove from half/x/ was then untouchable had my heart in a tense bind that I can't figure out how to unravel Attacking others that have the same level of energy as ours or even more makes your chest in a bind because your energies are unable to overpower them. Call back your energies and cease your hostilities. If they are truly your energies they will come back if not then try to generate more. Stop attacking retardedly. If your opponent is not on the total NPC level it will just backfire. It will become a STOP HITTING YOURSELF scenario. Also one more thing. Attacking through halfchan or any chan means you are going through a dense rotting meme filled energy field which means entities can attach themselves to you with minimal effort. >It felt rather high vibrational, but my panick in removing it was certainly low vibrational Yeah that happens and yes lower vibrational attacks just ground it. You gave it a home. >Perhaps the belief that there's nothing I can do about this urgent situation is what's causing it, like my cognition and divine connection are at stake. So what gives you "cognition" and "divine connection". If your understanding is superficial then the entity will mess you with until you understand what is real cognition. Also drugs take away your cognition more than this fiasco just saying. >Between the person I want removed whose insultingly simplistic and incomprehensible worldview based around three psychological profiles (empathy, psychopathy, schizophrenia) he redefined to structure his incoherent and downright psychologically damaged theological framework, the heretical visage implying Jesus to be a proponent of modern-day judaism, and whatever negative trip I had, It's hard to tell. Yeah even I have hard time figuring out how you managed to entangle yourself with your own energies this much. >On the anon, I get that he's also a schizo Then leave him to the fuck alone. He will self destruct in months. Retarded schizos making their meme magic on x usually attract the worst kind of energies and after a high of power and invincibility they fall over and never to be seen again. >distance myself by closing my heart chakra Weakening your own aura is not helping you. Try to learn to tap into the powers of your aura/chakras and strengthen your surroundings energetically. Do a cleansing. >Can't even let myself feel my own emotions out of fear of unconsciously nourishing him, Am gonna be real with you. Anyone feeling your emotions will make them mad. Trust me I let others feel my emotions sometimes and they mysteriously vanish after it. It's usually not even my intent to do harm to them. They just vanish. Low energy "loosh" is a curse filled with karma and diseases. Those who take that and lice from it perish. >and given the correlation between me thinking about his return and him returning, I believe there's some cord that I either can't identify, or feel morally insufficient to sever. I don't even know what to say. Yes you have a cord that is how you attacked him. Hate and fear are low level but potent energies and create dumbass cords. They need to be reinforced tho because once you forget about them they usually mellow out. Feel that hate and fear and realize how foolish it is. Also about Jesus. Do you think THE ALMIGHTY JESUS needs you to save him? Do you think he is not used to being slandered all the time? He will sort this out on his own and he does not need your worry and hate. He didn't teach hate towards your fellow man did he. >I had bought the perfidious twist of "whatever you wish onto others comes back onto you" that subtly discredits my intention towards removing malefic and twisted influences Okay how to explain it. So imagine punching a person with leprosy. Now your hand has leprosy too. This is why randomly attacking others without having psychic protection and being able to cleanse the energies after it is absolutely forbidden in every circle because dumb shit like this happens. Not to mention schizos are usually giving home to many shitty and hostile energies so once you connect your energy field with theirs some of them will come back haunting you. >It's a disingenuous mental trap delivered from a moral high ground You see if you are on an ACTUAL HIGH GROUND it's safe. "higher vibrations" generate attitudes and mentalities so if you think like a retard you probably have many lower vibrational forces within your body and they are like holes in your energy field that can be exploited. Also some drugs create random openings on your energy field because your subconscious doesn't know how to close it because it was "forced open" so it remains like a gaping anus. It's not a mental trap. It's more of a warning for those who do not know how traps work.

>and I felt his intent was to fuck me over through it. Just stop wishing harm to others if you are this unable to handle the consequences. I could say fuck around find out and it has the same meaning. As much as you think this thing is "harmless" once you shoot out these negative energies other negative energy entities can latch onto you for "fun". This is why only do these things if you are ready for the consequences. >with the delusional serpent in pic related who unquestioningly believes in his own bullshit Okay if I am getting this right he is "Christ" and is shitting on Jesus. There is a trick here. He is shitting on him while trying to become him which means he is shitting on himself. Once the full circle happens he will be hit hard by it. Stop being part in schizo rivalries. Either unschizo yourself first or don't be part of it. Going to /x/ is not better energetically than to go to MSM every day. Hope you realize the shit energies /x/ have. >It started with a thought in my head remembering what I hated about that anon, which coalesced into an urge to check /ng/ on half/x/ and my heart clenched to see that he wasn't gone Also this is like a get a room you two setting so either forget about him or get a room for real. One sided hatred leads nowhere. You torment yourself with that >Do I just visualize my "beliefs" overtaking the minor energies/entities Why the fuck did you put "" on "beliefs". Do you not believe in yourself or in your own power? Whatever yes try to grab the energy observe it and try to figure out which part is what. If it's your take it back if not throw it into the abyss. Use whatever you deem the most powerful >do I mentally return to that exact moment (or what I can recall of it Yes that is also works. >that hasn't been blotted out None of the things got blotted out you just unable to see it because you live in a cloud of fear. >and mentally sever the subconscious compulsion to visit nobody general for any traces of his return? Don't visit fucking nobody general ffs. That feeds the worst messianic complex egos ever. Yes everyone can move reality a little with their mind. And yes it's nice they are making others aware of it but otherwise whenever I opened in the past it was always schizo shitflinging. That general has awful energies. >I'm already in the dark night of the soul This is just the prelude. The dark night of the soul goes back to every problem stemming since our birth and even beyond then into the eternal future. You are still at the start where you are suffering from your current mistakes. >misguided as to how to navigate it, or what to do. Only your own light can guide you through the dark night of the soul and guides that are one with your light. But this is still a prelude. A mere psychic turbulence. No need to be so scared of it yet. It will just teach you to not be this retarded again. >>413 >What do you mean, like clearing all the negative psychoemotional influences I got hit with this year? Not just those all of them you have around. You might even need to clean your room and other mundane exercise because even those work but no i didn't mean that. I meant if you open your third eye or other chakras don't do a half assed work and jump onto the chans but cleanly integrate the energies into yourself ground a bit and don't let randomly unleashed energies connect to memes and other stuff. >but with my third eye and crown chakra kinda closed off out of fear of powering the unholy image that slipped right through it You see if they were truly opened you would be able to overpower these visages. Also it's not exactly "Unholy" because it perfectly resembles greed and other aspects. Through the worship of memes it gained enough energy to become somewhat "Holy" in an educational memetic way. Your third eye can destroy it too. That eye is not just to "see" but you can even destroy things too. >I've no idea as to if balancing these chakras along with the rest would be in my best interest Yes it would be your best interest >I know who I am and who I was before it got into my brain, and I'm dead set on recovering that version of me. That's good to hear. Keep it up. Also your happy merchant also appeared for me as I looked into you so I kinda helped stabbing that little parasite behind it. Not sure if it helps on your side but I might unleash a little arsenal as a target practice. You know what you are getting a little helping hand here because it seems this is a network of parasites. Just a little practice for me. If you see a little gore here and there then sorry about that.

>>414 >As you connected to this MSM overreliance mindwave it just merged with yours and as you denounced it you denounced your own imperfect ways. I already had my own framework constructed from sirlulzingtonesquire stuff (basics of gnosticism, islamic prophecy, hinduism, buddhism, the lost gospels the church labeled "heretical", ancient judaic mysticism, and the parallels of messiah figures in the cult religions or "mythologies" of the tribes of the ancient world) along with whatever numerology, synchromysticism, anthroposophy, and jungian autism I had prior to losing touch with my higher and more abstract thinking from fucking around with chakra charmed gummies. Stirring shit up only accomplished so much in the way of manifesting real world changes, especially since doing good for others was rather difficult given my lack of confidence (it was mostly tempting fate for the lulz in different places) >Yeah that happens and yes lower vibrational attacks just ground it. You gave it a home. How do I evict it if it's in my imaginative/visualized field, or part of incorporated visual symbols that registers in the same category as "divine inspiration"? >So what gives you "cognition" and "divine connection". If your understanding is superficial then the entity will mess you with until you understand what is real cognition. Also drugs take away your cognition more than this fiasco just saying. Always had it, from having an existential crisis after first learning of ontology and existence regarding the universe at the age of 12 to a triple awakening at 19, even synesthetic constructs of three potsherds and an axe reminding me of "home". Took DXM when I was experimenting, and it elevated me to a much higher plane where I was able to interact with that which existed beyond the five physical senses. That is, until a disastrous 4th plat in 2022 when it rejected me, displaying beautiful fields while a voice repeating "NOT FOR YOU" repeated left me fucked up. >Then leave him to the fuck alone. He will self destruct in months. Retarded schizos making their meme magic on x usually attract the worst kind of energies and after a high of power and invincibility they fall over and never to be seen again. He's been going off about the same deranged concepts like a bot, I strongly doubt he's ever going to fizzle out and self destruct anytime soon (but hopefully I'm proven wrong). > Do you think THE ALMIGHTY JESUS needs you to save him? Do you think he is not used to being slandered all the time? He will sort this out on his own and he does not need your worry and hate. He didn't teach hate towards your fellow man did he. The hateboner came on because of my own outrage that my more-suggestible-than-not ass would let some fecal encephalopath who ostensibly mirrored my quirks invalidate it with his incomprehensible bullshit framework that only he understands and be impossible to reason with, alongside with the mission I took upon myself (they will say it's a fool's errand, bringing God to the godless and love to the hateful, but it is the Father's will) being more or less "spread the message around to every motherfucker on the site" boiled down to "eliminate schizo who drew so much of my ire that I wound up falling for a rootkit disguised as some friend's game". It's futile, what with all the negativity I read from him and every remotely adjacent concept to him and his deranged shit about Jesus (he also called art psychopathic which is what really pissed me off since I'm an artist trying to keep the 2000s flash style alive). >You see if they were truly opened you would be able to overpower these visages. Also it's not exactly "Unholy" because it perfectly resembles greed and other aspects. Through the worship of memes it gained enough energy to become somewhat "Holy" in an educational memetic way. Your third eye can destroy it too. That eye is not just to "see" but you can even destroy things too. It was a fuschia and light blue portal opening, and all it took was one glance at some /pol/lutant's memetic hazard conflating Jesus with Judaism and it took up the whole portal. I visualize it being pushed out the way it came, and then when I look back there's still happy merchants. I visualize them blinking out of existence or being devoured by dragons, yet they still keep infinitely respawing and reappearing. Part of the reason why I hate that robotic "empath" on /x/ is because his twisted and outright bullshit conjecture tapped into the same part of my mind that gets activated by reading schizo shit (I was in an energetic state when I first came across it) and it laid the foundation for /pol/'s misguided antisemitic slant against Jesus to take hold, but I don't think it explains why I feel depleted and insufficient to invalidate it from my internally held concept of "singularity", or God. >Don't visit fucking nobody general ffs. Parasitic tether that obligates me to ruthlessly hunt down and report him in the vain hopes he'll fuck off and the board'll be better for it. Last May I was able to drive him off (although he came back when I realized I got Christopher Wray instead and I went "oh shit wrong guy" for a split second.) Even ephemerally entertaining the notion that he'll return leads to that because I can't find out how to get my subconscious to call it quits without feeling lesser for it and potentially incurring a karmic punishment, even when the cycle itself is the punishment. >You see if you are on an ACTUAL HIGH GROUND it's safe. >Okay if I am getting this right he is "Christ" and is shitting on Jesus. There is a trick here. He is shitting on him while trying to become him which means he is shitting on himself. Once the full circle happens he will be hit hard by it. Stop being part in schizo rivalries. Either unschizo yourself first or don't be part of it. Going to /x/ is not better energetically than to go to MSM every day. Hope you realize the shit energies /x/ have. Iunno, noticing that "empath"'s concept of divination means twisting the passages of the bible to demonize Jesus based on his spiritual lapse and calling it truth because he's retarded enough to buy into "subjective truths" and is fundamentally incapable of evaluating his beliefs on any higher level (not to mention his egregious projections where he's guiltier of what he's accusing me of doing to baffle me into outraged silence) probably isn't it? His pretentious and insufferably smarmy typing mannerisms tricked me into believing he was more in the right than I am, despite the fact that he's still a massive faggot. Overall, it's beyond bullshit I let him be the stumbling block for my overdefensiveness to ruin everything I worked up for get bent over, and this infatuation with eradicating him so /x/ and /pol/ can finally get on the page I wanted them to be on is meaningless. Lowering my vibration through a fly agaric and DXM combo and letting such dark and hostile energy out through the collective consciousness has done nothing for me but make life tangibly shittier and less fulfilling, leading me to drift directionlessly in the world in search of another active yet niche community to be a part of that isn't full of retards. >Also your happy merchant also appeared for me as I looked into you so I kinda helped stabbing that little parasite behind it. Not sure if it helps on your side but I might unleash a little arsenal as a target practice. You know what you are getting a little helping hand here because it seems this is a network of parasites. Just a little practice for me. If you see a little gore here and there then sorry about that. Thank you so kindly, if it's possible try and help me regain my giftedness (sesquipadelian vocabulary, broad and detailed vocabulary, eccentric shitposty art tastes, ability to perceive connections across domains).

>>415 >You know what you are getting a little helping hand here because it seems this is a network of parasites. Careful now and be sure to get the /pol/lution, along with the christ schizo's nonsense that got itself into my brain like "kill all men" or whatever this trash in the screenshot is. My heart, third eye and crown chakra all seem to be disconnected and isolated, mainly out of fear of letting the merchant in, heart being whatever I wasted coronal energy into dispelling and feel in no position nor mood to combat. Tried bringing love to two of the shittiest boards and wound up worse than I began.

>>419 I've a good few original characters of my own, very simplistic, cutesy and stylized, pure in concept. Be sure to go after the nasty happy merchant facial features that manifest themselves onto them (as with these tendrils, that of which I'm certain keeps me revisiting nobody general) and reshift that creative focus back onto my artstyle, maybe restore that big brain of mine from all those wasted arguments and negative energy. Taking in this much dense, spiteful, and nihilistic energy from halfchan /x/ and /pol/ since 2022 has been a blight upon me.

>>418 >Always had it, from having an existential crisis after first learning of ontology and existence regarding the universe at the age of 12 to a triple awakening at 19, even synesthetic constructs of three potsherds and an axe reminding me of "home". Yeah I can see you are gifted this is why I don't understand how you fell from grace this fast. >Took DXM when I was experimenting, and it elevated me to a much higher plane where I was able to interact with that which existed beyond the five physical senses. That is, until a disastrous 4th plat in 2022 when it rejected me, displaying beautiful fields while a voice repeating "NOT FOR YOU" repeated left me fucked up. I think the entity that guarded it was mad because you somewhat "cheated" with drugs and that place is not for your "Unstable false ego" of sorts. The problem is that forced awakenings have the opposite effect and the recoil from that mistake takes time to heal because there was an incomplete understanding as the foundation that needs to be fixed and sometimes it crushes our entire structure before we see the faults of the foundation. >He's been going off about the same deranged concepts like a bot, I strongly doubt he's ever going to fizzle out and self destruct anytime soon What he says is in line with the hatred of many anti christians therefore he is able to gather their powers... for a while... until he reaches a ceiling and breaks apart from the extra weight he gathered. >bringing God to the godless and love to the hateful Watch out with that. Misunderstanding what is God and not realizing all aspects of love might create "the road to hell is paved with good intentions" scenario. Hate is also an aspect of love. It can also bring people together. Once they tire out they realize the futility of hate. Also with this you managed to strengthen your own shadow because it almost became one with the schizo you hate. This might be a hard battle for you this way. Can't really advise you what to do because the schizo is hell bent on his own goals which means you cannot fight him that simply. Once someone can operate from his own worldview it's only possible penetrating it once you accept it and take it apart from the inside then guide it to a stable conclusion that is better than their world view. Not easy and requires an extremely calm steady and observant mind and a high level of wisdom and patience. >he also called art psychopathic which is what really pissed me off Yeah no wonder it pissed you off. Art is the expression of the soul. It became a "way to control people and their emotions" when talentless psychopathic hacks had enough money to commission whatever they wanted from degenerate artists. Art became psychopathic when it's either done by psychopaths or commissioned by psychopaths. True art is anything but psychopathic. Psychopaths don't understand emotions. They just see it as a tool that they must exploit and nothing more. Once you see the tricks psychopaths employ they are dead. Sadly their way is a dead end. But they won't see it as long there are enough sheep they can eat and skin to wear their hide. They merely crumble from their own poison without realizing at the end. Fighting them face to face is only possible if you overpower them from the get go or see their inherent weakness and able to strike it at the start. But their mind and soul is dull. Most attacks won't even be felt by them. >since I'm an artist trying to keep the 2000s flash style alive I too truly miss that era. One of my weirdest attachment to this world. >It was a fuschia and light blue portal opening, and all it took was one glance at some /pol/lutant's memetic hazard conflating Jesus with Judaism and it took up the whole portal That portal is a part of your brain and you will have to enter it again but the merchant will be there now. You will have to enter the merchant instead of doing a "dog chasing it's own tail" routine with him. It's just an illusion. You will have to enter the illusion and see what is behind it. As I looked into it I found a weird green entity which is like made of snot. Seems like a weird disease. Mostly harmless because only the energy it gathered makes it move so once you drain that energy from it it crumbles. But you need to be able to purify that energy otherwise it reappears. >Parasitic tether that obligates me to ruthlessly hunt down and report him in the vain hopes he'll fuck off and the board'll be better for it As much as I appreciate your sentiment... /x/ always had these dumb schizos because the energy /x/ has is attracting them. So getting rid of one then not being able to increase the energetic quality of /x/ will just result in an another schizo appearing. There seems to have several anons actively hating him so I am not sure in your current sorry state you need to be +1 there. Understand your hate because that is one of the worst aspect of love. And true love cannot be reached if you shelter impotent hate within yourself. There are moments where rage is justified but for that you need to be able to act upon it and reach a better world with it. Otherwise it leads towards self destruction. >His pretentious and insufferably smarmy typing mannerisms tricked me into believing he was more in the right than I am, despite the fact that he's still a massive faggot. Yeah classic sociopathic trick. Let him reach his dead end. Then his own dark night of the soul will devour him. He will cry like a bitch and redeem himself or perish where he stands. >Lowering my vibration through a fly agaric and DXM combo and letting such dark and hostile energy out through the collective consciousness has done nothing for me but make life tangibly shittier and less fulfilling, leading me to drift directionlessly in the world in search of another active yet niche community to be a part of that isn't full of retards. Yeah I can feel that energy emanating from you. This is why you are extremely lost now. You are not able to navigate with that energy around and within you. It blinds you and just makes you make mistakes after mistakes. >try and help me regain my giftedness You didn't lose your gift. Your connection is merely blocked with all these shitty energies and because of that you are unable to access it to see it. You will have to figure out how to clean these energies with some extremely holy practice or I don't know what will snap you out of it. You tense and keep it within your energy field and it's unable to leave you. Also I am sure I don't need to say it but just in case I type it down. Don't do drugs until you are this hateful and retarded. If you do drugs at least be far away from the internet and any thought that reminds you of it. I am sure you know this already but it's obvious you just merged your hate and your obsessive energies into one and don't know how to solve it. Even I am at somewhat lost for words. Seems like your "divine connection" is waiting for you to either get a grip or get to a level where they have to intervene so a life changing event can happen (don't wait for that because it might be lethal). I am not even sure what to say. The energies you are combating are way too formless and without understanding formlessness and the element of 'nothing' you have no way going forward.

>>419 >Careful now Yeah this is a miasma of retardation. I am not even sure what is the antidote yet. It is only capable of operating with specific energies so changing the energetic charge of it makes it squirm in pain but I am not sure what kind of retardation I am dealing with yet. But no matter. >whatever this trash in the screenshot is This is his own road of enlightenment. I would let him go and wander in his own darkness. What he says is a twisted understanding of his truth. He is locked in the understanding of Christianity and that blocks his path so he has to denounce it as much as he can to find his own way. He is initiating his own dark night of the soul because he is unable to break his own veil otherwise. Let him walk into the abyss. Some truths only appear from there. He is trying to understand the female aspect that will save him. Wonder what were his relationship with his mother if he preaches sociopathy this much. >My heart, third eye and crown chakra Those chakras contain your gifts. I am not sure how you can go forward without them. >mainly out of fear of letting the merchant in The merchant is already "within". You are not exactly combating him with this but merely weaken your own body and psychic immune system to naturally get rid of it. You are keeping him in your system with this. Stop being ruled by fear. That is the most powerful weapon of the jew. Once you are past it they have no power over you. >Tried bringing love to two of the shittiest boards and wound up worse than I began. It's never wise to waste love. Love is precious. Either teach others how to cultivate love or leave them be. You are not strong enough to "love your enemy" yet. Once you understand how your "enemy" feels and operates you can love them for who they are because you will be able to guide them. Until that you are just hurting yourself like people in abusive relationships. >>422 >Be sure to go after the nasty happy merchant facial features that manifest themselves onto them (as with these tendrils, that of which I'm certain keeps me revisiting nobody general) Yeah I have seen that energy when I posted but I am not even sure what the fuck this is. As I approached the first sentient entity all they were able to say >You are not welcomed here But they too were unable to say anything else. I am not even sure what is their purpose at all besides just weird energetic bacteria type disease propagating very slowly. Fire flames and different potent light hurts it but I have no idea what it is and where it comes from. It's some weird dimension with these beings but they are kinda weak. They are even easy to control. >Taking in this much dense, spiteful, and nihilistic energy from halfchan /x/ and /pol/ since 2022 has been a blight upon me. Yeah no shit. You managed to overwrite most of your personality with these energies. Once you let it out of your system your light will return but until you are this obsessively addicted to halfchan I am not sure how it is possible to even help you. Not even sure if you felt anything at all from my workings so far. It is like a sea of bacteria clogging your channels. They are not exactly harmful but keeps you numb and dumb. Your destiny needs to be reignited somehow.

>>426 >I think the entity that guarded it was mad because you somewhat "cheated" with drugs and that place is not for your "Unstable false ego" of sorts. LAst time I remembered it wasn't over any theological weaknesses nor incongruencies beyond what I felt was "God" threatening to send me to hell for taking too much DXM, which was toward the beginning of 2022. The trip that rejected me was in February >Yeah I can see you are gifted this is why I don't understand how you fell from grace this fast. All started with huge energy balanced on tiny mistake (complimenting Christ's power by calling him "badass" being botched into simply "bad" by an intrusive thought, which I flipped a shit over and desperately tried correcting to my subconscious only lead to a rapidly deteriorating situation as my ability to salvage the situation) >What he says is in line with the hatred of many anti christians therefore he is able to gather their powers... for a while... until he reaches a ceiling and breaks apart from the extra weight he gathered. Conceding to him out of a lack of justification from a self-conceptual standpoint has done nothing but proliferate his bile throughout the board. Given that he's mired within his self-aggrandizing delusions enough to genuinely believe that self-assurance is proof of authenticity as shown in the first screenshot, I can't say that when is more probably than if, but it won't stop me from dwelling on the possibility. >Also with this you managed to strengthen your own shadow because it almost became one with the schizo you hate. This might be a hard battle for you this way. Can't really advise you what to do because the schizo is hell bent on his own goals which means you cannot fight him that simply. My method of calling back my shadow or "protecting" it by rhetorically differentiating adjacent viewpoints to his beliefs that I hold (God was I mistaken to draw similarities between his beliefs and mine in line with the subtle hypocrisy "you are what you criticize", >Once someone can operate from his own worldview it's only possible penetrating it once you accept it and take it apart from the inside then guide it to a stable conclusion that is better than their world view. Not easy and requires an extremely calm steady and observant mind and a high level of wisdom and patience. The other two screenshots speak for themselves on the matter. Doesn't help matters that he projects like an IMAX theater alongside other puerile and conceited tactics. >That portal is a part of your brain and you will have to enter it again but the merchant will be there now. You will have to enter the merchant instead of doing a "dog chasing it's own tail" routine with him. It's just an illusion. You will have to enter the illusion and see what is behind it. As I looked into it I found a weird green entity which is like made of snot. Seems like a weird disease. Mostly harmless because only the energy it gathered makes it move so once you drain that energy from it it crumbles. But you need to be able to purify that energy otherwise it reappears. Are these actions of draining and purification I can only assume are done through visualization and affirmation, similar in vein to Foolish Fish's "unlock magick" guided visualization? That portal only happened after listening to a bunch of reiki and doing the chants corresponding to the chakras >Then his own dark night of the soul will devour him. He will cry like a bitch and redeem himself or perish where he stands. that brings "The descent of madness" on 4plebs archive to mind. If he's overdue for a sequel to his first spiritual lapse, hopefully then he'll learn the errors of his ways. >Yeah I can feel that energy emanating from you. This is why you are extremely lost now. You are not able to navigate with that energy around and within you. That was in October 2023, the next two months I invoked and released saturn energy upon the collective consciousness and concentrated it upon /x/ and /pol/ by turning them into eachother. I can't pretend I didn't get incredulously twisted in heart over sleeper agent getting in the way of what I felt was my closure, taking a hit of nicotine puff to clamp down on the first thought I disagreed with during the head rush lead to an inability to complete a yawn, which then ballooned into this entire shitfest if I'm tracing my memories right, all starting 3 weeks ago. Fucking flabbergasted that the smallest fuckups that cause the most disastrous errors. >Once you let it out of your system your light will return but until you are this obsessively addicted to halfchan I am not sure how it is possible to even help you. Don't you mean until I'm no longer hopelessly hooked to a loosh and intelligence vacuum masquerading as the vestiges of the last (relevant) bastion of free speech? >Not even sure if you felt anything at all from my workings so far. It is like a sea of bacteria clogging your channels. They are not exactly harmful but keeps you numb and dumb. Your destiny needs to be reignited somehow. I can assure you that you've done me far more in the way of clearing my shit up than anyone else had before you. Even when I still fault that other wizard's construct for ostensibly erasing or removing memories, I'm starting to recall specific events and tidbits I was afraid my dense cloud of fear wouldn't pick up. Sure I compulsively rewatch a couple youtube vids I would've otherwise been able to sit down and really engage with my full enjoyment, using visualization to emphasize the reviewer/creator's content in a way that'd really stick, but that wouldn't been far worse had you not intervened. >Don't do drugs until you are this hateful and retarded. If you do drugs at least be far away from the internet and any thought that reminds you of it. I am sure you know this already but it's obvious you just merged your hate and your obsessive energies into one and don't know how to solve it. Shouldn't that be the opposite? I'm not hateful and retarded by nature - or at the very least wasn't to boot, until I let my purely obsessive compulsions lead me to wrangle this cretinous "schizo". Even then, I generally tend to take a whimsical and carefree attitude to the internet at large and tend to avoid shitholes like 4chan. Dragging in and incorporating my spats with the tard over points that really baffled me out of anger into places that didn't deserve it really fucked me up for the worse.

>>425 >The energies you are combating are way too formless and without understanding formlessness and the element of 'nothing' you have no way going forward. I beseech your help further. I've allowed my heart to ease itself, even if ephemerally and with assistance from external, unrelated events like a dentist's appointment. From what I remember on March 2nd, I came close to "unlocking" my heart and reuniting it with my conscious mind, yet when I got lost in a thought train straining myself to remember a specific word I had in mind for "unsightly and eerie owing to its poor quality", I felt my heart lock up in fear again, letting me know I was "locked out" yet again. One week later and it feels as if I got that same "denial" or struggle, and now I feel that same exclusion from my existential position and the memories to back them up. After my recent trainwreck on March 11th, my heart feels disempowered to effectively do away with that formless mass through the energy it summons, evading every blow I deliver and slithering back to strike or gloat. I don't know how to explain this sort of intangible energetic transfers that I do with the limited range of concepts I have now, but when it connects it's gratifying and triggers a releasing sense of accomplishment. As of now I feel far less disconnected from the overall series of events that comprise my life, although a long way from being able to emotionally resonate with them. >It is like a sea of bacteria clogging your channels. They are not exactly harmful but keeps you numb and dumb. Your destiny needs to be reignited somehow. What I was going off on pops to begin with was this archaic, soulless, cynical and warped black-and-white worldview the modern normalfag right holds, and I lost that rap battle, whcih in my understanding means I submitted to (or got sublimated by) it. A dreary, two-faced yet one dimensional plane of existence that I don't belong in and want out of badly.

>>428 >it wasn't over any theological weaknesses Yeah it's usually not the problem of your "belief" but the part that your internal energy/chemical balance is absolutely whacked. You need to have quite the good internal energies so you can ascend to heaven with a minor purification. Otherwise purgatory or >what I felt was "God" threatening to send me to hell for taking too much DXM Yes... You see. That is like taking roids to win the Olympics. The problem is not just you are cheating but fucking up your internal psyche and your mindbodysoul mechanism will be utterly fucked and not to save but merely salvage you. You will have to go through an experience that might be one of the worst hells. >(complimenting Christ's power by calling him "badass" being botched into simply "bad" by an intrusive thought You could have called him Devilgood too as a "compliment". Badass is a negative word turned into a "gangster positive word". Like calling someone a "pimp" can be interpreted as an insult for doing a lowly profession or as a compliment because he has that many bitches. Badass is not exactly a compliment for someone that is divine. Like calling someone shit or THE SHIT. You know the differences but in the end you called him feces. >which I flipped a shit over and desperately tried correcting to my subconscious only lead to a rapidly deteriorating situation as my ability to salvage the situation) Yes doing a minor fumble in these moments can start a domino effect. This is why meditation and keeping a still mind is necessary on any spiritual path so we don't fumble divine moments like this. Even Buddhists were rejected from Arhat (heaven) because when the ascension started they were too happy about it and that happiness dragged them back to earth. Then he was too fearful for repeating that mistake and was rejected again. You need an absolute mental control for these trips/lessons/experiences. If you have these intrusive thoughts within you you will have to burn in hell until you are pure from them. These intrusive thoughts these "sinful desires" cannot enter heaven. They will be burned and if you are unable to let them go you will burn with them. >screenshots speak for themselves on the matter Yeah sorry to say this but he is onto something. The problem is that the christian framework is incomplete. You said also that you dabbled in other faiths too because you also felt it's incomplete. He is finding the parts outside of the faith. That doesn't mean he is right but this is the way he is finding his own truth. I am not saying accept him but try to read between the lines. Try to understand what he is saying and what is the truth that keeps his delusion together. He is looking for the mother aspect and understanding death. Ofc that is just a mere step on the path. After the mother comes the son (then daughter) and after death comes rebirth. When rebirth happens he will either shit himself or enjoy that eternity of death he currently preaches so much. Yes the concept we have about life is incomplete and because of that many nutjobs worship death. And in that death they will worship life again (but they are not aware of that yet). Let them play their game. >was I mistaken to draw similarities between his beliefs and mine in line with the subtle hypocrisy "you are what you criticize", You see to be able to criticize someone you have to accept some parts of them integrate them then take it apart within yourself then present it as a "critique" and with that you internalized your opponent without realizing. And this is how an "Obsessive hate" can become an extremely low form of love and this is where people say Get a room you two >Are these actions of draining and purification I can only assume are done through visualization and affirmation Yes that is the first steps but it needs to become more advanced as you go forward. Understanding what is true will true faith and intent and how to hold mold and integrate them. By merely "critiquing" your opponents you just merely "Painted them over" aka created an illusion upon the illusion instead of solving the core issue which is behind the illusions. As the paint fades your enemies return while some don't even care what paint they wear at all. >Foolish Fish's "unlock magick" guided visualization Just googled him. Yes by the video titles it seems he somewhat knows what he is saying. He is too new and too unpopular for me to know him but seems like he is somewhat close to truth. Room of masks and psychic self defense. These are important themes. Might check him out of boredom sometimes. >That portal only happened after listening to a bunch of reiki and doing the chants corresponding to the chakras OH FFS DUDE. I KNEW SOMETHING WAS NOT RIGHT. Okay lemme tell you what you did. So... Reiki is a sort of modernist "meme magic" and because you did it through the internet you then switched to an ANOTHER MODERNIST MEME MAGIC SITE you fucking merged with the most potent spiritual shitposting. DUDE PLS. Pick a "spiritual hours" phase in your day and a mundane "yelling and shitposting" "surfing the web" phase and DO NOT MIX THEM UP. You can read at spiritual sites but do not invoke higher energies then randomly switch yelling at schizos and enter into a loosh farming war. You see reiki sites and chants transfer energy like you transfer loosh. You short circuited at the dumbest place and connected the reiki egregore with the 4chan egregore at the middle of your mind. I knew it was a psychic turbulence. >that brings "The descent of madness" on 4plebs archive to mind. If he's overdue for a sequel to his first spiritual lapse, hopefully then he'll learn the errors of his ways. He is on an interesting path. The next steps will be cruel to him. Seen many people lose their shit completely who preached death and other aspects too much without understanding them. He will either touch the truth of rebirth or become an empty husk after his zeal runs out. >the next two months I invoked and released saturn energy upon the collective consciousness and concentrated it upon /x/ and /pol/ by turning them into eachother No fucking wonder you are this fucked. So you went and invoked the energies of saturn on the egregores like it's nothing not realizing the recoil it might create. What is "saturn energy" to you. How do you even see that energy type? >I didn't get incredulously twisted in heart over sleeper agent getting in the way of what I felt was my closure HE LITERALLY PREACHES DEATH. You managed to karmicly connect to him... Now I understand your obsessive hatred and why you are this bad at controlling it. >taking a hit of nicotine puff to clamp down on the first thought I disagreed with during the head rush lead to an inability to complete a yawn, which then ballooned into this entire shitfest if I'm tracing my memories right, all starting 3 weeks ago. Fucking flabbergasted that the smallest fuckups that cause the most disastrous errors. Yeah I have no idea how to even imagine this scenario but srsly. Using saturnite energy to unite x and pol? What makes you even think the both was not united at all. Why did you want to do this as a >what I felt was my closure If it's truly your "closure" you let it go and not go and get entangled. Holy shit. It's like shooting a bullet getting hit in the face by your own pistol from the recoil then panicking and shooting your leg in the next move. I hope you are aware of the relationship of pol and x users with the idea of saturn. Also what do you even consider as an "unification" in your mind. How does that look like to you? More schizo posting on pol and more complaining about niggers on x? Epstein illuminaty pizza is all common topics on both boards. Even esoteric hitlerism and the like. What kind of sunny handholding and running on the fields idea you had when you started this process. Also congrats now I am seeing while your mind got invaded by a pol caricature

>Don't you mean until I'm no longer hopelessly hooked to a loosh and intelligence vacuum masquerading as the vestiges of the last (relevant) bastion of free speech? Say it however way you want. You can go to the 4chinz but avoid the places where you do nothing but argue with schizos and go mad. There are other boards too. Go there or stay away. And altchans are closer to free speech than the current 4chang. Literally merging with worst parts of the site via a saturnite energy.Why. At least it wasn't /b/ or /trash/. Ffs dude. Yeah the next topic I want to hear from you is how you see saturn and what you did while invoking the energies and maybe the reiki site. >I can assure you that you've done me far more in the way of clearing my shit up than anyone else had before you Good to hear >Even when I still fault that other wizard's construct for ostensibly erasing or removing memories He asked for your consent. You cannot fault him. He proceeded well with his wizard creed. He didn't exactly remove your memories but the disease and your memories need to "Heal" a little. You will be able to retain your memories. Memories don't always get lost you just have to figure out the mix up that happened in your brain. >I'm not hateful and retarded by nature - or at the very least wasn't to boot Exactly. If you are able to reconnect to your nature and get rid of this energetic disease you have then you are good to go but >I let my purely obsessive compulsions lead me to wrangle this cretinous "schizo" If you engage with him then take drugs in desperation you will "meet him" at an extremely dark place which is his current idolation of death and your retardation of invoking saturn for the boards. You might think you "released it" and it's all over but with that you merely opened a pathway that is somewhat 2 way into your mind. >I generally tend to take a whimsical and carefree attitude to the internet at large Yes that is what we want to recover. And finally let go of your obsession for the worst parts of >shitholes like 4chan >Dragging in and incorporating my spats with the tard over points that really baffled me out of anger into places that didn't deserve it really fucked me up for the worse. Am glad you can see this. Now it's time to figure out what makes you "Better" what gives you back your light your truth your pure creative nature which is far from the ways from your "current worst". If you want more help from me write down how you see the saturnite energies and that ritual or spell that you unleashed to unite the most obsessive parts of 4chan. Also post the reiki site maybe. I will look at the chants and figure out which parts of your mind you unlocked. They don't exactly open the "chakras" but connect you to dimensions that resonate with the chakras thus stimulating it so they might open. They are a sort of "loosh transfer". You send energy with chant the chants sends you energy back then it opens the chakra and a new interdimensional energy tranfer circuit materializes which will help you if you are diligent on the path. If you go and instantly change the direction of that energy tranfer to fucking 4chan and to an icon of worship (Jesus) and hate (jews) then we get the current (You). You see worship and hate is also a loosh transfer. It's like how you can connect a water pipe with an electricity pipe. Sure it will do something but it will fuck up both system at the end. Faulty wiring in spirituality can cause many problems. This is why without a guru it is dangerous to try spirituality on a whim. This is why it takes dedication. Magic is an art and a science. You too know how much dedication art takes and shitting on a floor and calling that "art" is disgusting and no sane person should indulge in it. Spirituality is the same and we need to understand the high's and low's of cultivation. Spirituality is a dedication not a whim nor mere hobby. If you experiment mindlessly then don't get surprised if it explodes in your face. I am not saying don't experiment but pay attention what you are doing. You will have to clean up after yourself no matter what. Karma and energetic entanglement is no joke. >>429 >I've allowed my heart to ease itself, even if ephemerally and with assistance from external, unrelated events Good to hear. >specific word I had in mind for "unsightly and eerie owing to its poor quality", I felt my heart lock up in fear again You are too dependent on words. What you desire is a "feeling" and it is not important to be expressed in words. Let the feeling move and the word will follow. >unsightly and eerie owing to its poor quality Wtf did you even try to describe with that. That is the opposite of the feelings the heart provides. No wonder it locked. Try to go back to your heart and understand this feeling of yours of >unsightly and eerie owing to its poor quality It didn't lock up you just put an another chain on it. It somewhat rebound. The heart is an unblemished place so negative feelings activate it's defense mechanism. If your feelings are pure and true it does not need to be locked anymore. >existential position and the memories to back them up Try to find love in the present and do not "drain" or evoke them from memories. The present is what matters. Feel the love that is ever present all the time. I am sure you know places like that contain it. >my heart feels disempowered to effectively do away with that formless mass through the energy it summons, evading every blow I deliver and slithering back to strike or gloat I am starting to think it comes from the reiki site. You mixed up the dimensional location connections via chanting and it created an energetic wound upon yourself. Pls link the reiki site that gave you the chants. >I don't know how to explain this sort of intangible energetic transfers that I do with the limited range of concepts I have now, but when it connects it's gratifying and triggers a releasing sense of accomplishment. As of now I feel far less disconnected from the overall series of events that comprise my life, although a long way from being able to emotionally resonate with them. Keep it up. If something works keep doing it. >and I lost that rap battle, whcih in my understanding means I submitted to (or got sublimated by) it. A dreary, two-faced yet one dimensional plane of existence that I don't belong in and want out of badly. Then start a new rap battle or stop thinking in rap battles. Yes the way you shape words is impressive but spirituality is not just a rap battle. But yes even I heard beautiful hymns and even I had to say some out loud to accomplish some energies so I cannot say your way is completely wrong. You are not locked in that world. You just simply live in it. No need to succumb it. Losing a battle doesn't mean you lost the war. What is important is that you learn from the failure. Also if that battle is important to you then explain to me what were the parts where you "lost". What did your pops said that made you this defeated. I too can be quite ruthless with my words so I have to understand what even was the thing he had to say so you are this low currently. The way you handle spirituality is peculiar.

>>430 >If you have these intrusive thoughts within you you will have to burn in hell until you are pure from them. These intrusive thoughts these "sinful desires" cannot enter heaven. They will be burned and if you are unable to let them go you will burn with them. Autism in a dogmatic catholic family can beget a lot of fear over blasphemous intrusive thoughts and the such. >I am not saying accept him but try to read between the lines. Try to understand what he is saying and what is the truth that keeps his delusion together. While we both understand that the christian framework is broken, he distorts it further into an incoherently hare-brained, serpentine, matriarchal death worship based on distorting and misinterpreting malice and sociopathy into verses that are void of them to substantiate his insanity. There are parts of his belief system that I don't hate right off the bat and times where I felt our belief structure similar, but his ultimate flaw is declaring christ to be the antichrist and demonizing masculinity, ego and judaism despite backing his titanic ego with deceitful character attacks supplemented by rhetoric similar to pilpul to distract from the fact that he is clearly male and judaism is matriarchal in framework. Not going to deny that I fucked the reiki and 7 seed chakras cyclic chanting meditation, mostly for sealing negative gateways, clearing bad timelines, and unfucking some energies. The reikis and chakra stuff were done seperate, I just continued it the next day while trying to connect to/meditate on some cute and whimsical artwork but one glance at /pol/ fucked it all to high hell. I only fuck with /x/ and /pol/ because there aren't many niche, "old internet" type spaces online (Mostly compulsion in the /x/'s case) >What is "saturn energy" to you. How do you even see that energy type? That was months before the reiki shit, and that was an egregious display at my tenacity upon myself but also carpet bombing /x/ to get rid of that dipshit as well as swiping at the untouchably powerful sectors of society because /pol/ couldn't meme it on their own damn terms. >HE LITERALLY PREACHES DEATH. You managed to karmicly connect to him... Now I understand your obsessive hatred and why you are this bad at controlling it. I was pushing sirlulzingtonesquire's "I HATE THE ANTICHRIST" when this mothercucker went around and called Jesus Christ the fuckin' antichrist on "LUCIFER IS SIN", banking off the fact that nobody knows who the antichrist actually is so he pushed to fill that slot with Christ and pissed me off to high hell. Wasted time and reason on a cheating, smug pigeon shitting on the chessboard and declaring victory, my mistake was to play his game or dissect his framework through a more critical and developed framework. >what I felt was my closure You mean https://archive.4plebs.org/x/thread/37373429/ and the others on https://archive.4plebs.org/x/thread/37437995 where I attempted karmic disentanglement from him by sacrificing him (starting march 4th), his presence and those ties to this anon? the starting act before the reiki/chakra shit from the 7th/10th, but sacrificing the psychic hold the anti-abrahamic matriarchal death worshipping "empath" had on me that tethered me to check /ng/ for his presence went to hell the second the namefag decided to get in the way for him. That was where the tense, dark, negative energy took hold of my heart, and quashing the nicotine headrush was a disservice. >Also what do you even consider as an "unification" in your mind. How does that look like to you? Making these comics by Sirlulzingtonesquire/cereal guy memes the egregore to springboard schizoposting off of instead of both boards trading schticks (which was a side thing I did for the lulz until it backfired). >If you want more help from me write down how you see the saturnite energies and that ritual or spell that you unleashed to unite the most obsessive parts of 4chan. Also post the reiki site maybe. I will look at the chants and figure out which parts of your mind you unlocked. That saturn energy I was going off of from the last few months of 2023 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LsDG7vqkKi0 The reiki videos I was listening to https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lSPQVHDKYWY https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0cX0Zj-heLI https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e2JJLvw18tE https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KEiYRZCA4QY https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZLqQFLa-jOg https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_d7V0Om3c7E https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s_dxJ2KbqaI The chakra chants I listened to https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s_dxJ2KbqaI Keep in mind, the saturn and reiki/chakra stuff are seperate - the former invoked prior to enact global changes in the name of discombobulating the NWO, the latter two months later to disentangle myself from the matriarchal death worshipper and his energy, though the "OM" and "AH" chants were right before I quickly checked /pol/ and checked my shit in. >Wtf did you even try to describe with that. That is the opposite of the feelings the heart provides. No wonder it locked. Try to go back to your heart and understand this feeling of yours of Part of me going off on how unscary suicide mouse was and how dumb I was to get scared of it in retrospect while fucking around in this newfound opened state, heart closed off because I strained to find the right word I had on the tip of my tongue. I pride myself on my scholarly and fluent vocabulary owing to another passion in etymology, syntax, grammar, context, and everything pertaining to linguistics. >Also if that battle is important to you then explain to me what were the parts where you "lost". What did your pops said that made you this defeated. I too can be quite ruthless with my words so I have to understand what even was the thing he had to say so you are this low currently. The way you handle spirituality is peculiar. Flyting on a higher vibration where word, feeling, intent/flow and thought were all one as a form of "spellcasting", moreso on denouncing his mindset, particularly the anti-drug shit based on him being unable to let go. By summarizing in verse what I hate the worst, I'd overcome the curse - certainly not the case, I entered a state that couldn't be put into phrase, and in turn I was turned in my ways (felt like my "self" got lost in dad's psyche, hence the descending blue mandelbrot fractal that resembled a dark jailcell corridor in interior). Timeline as follows: >saturn stuff in December 2023 >going off on pops and his subconscious impulse to prevent me from attaining a spiritual breakthrough by bothering me on Feb. 13th >first part of the disaster involving eclipse ritual and sleeper agent on Mar. 4th >reiki and chakra stuff for disentangling on March 10th, which culminated in the happy merchant incident the next day

>>432 >he distorts it further into an incoherently hare-brained, serpentine, matriarchal death worship based on distorting and misinterpreting malice and sociopathy into verses that are void of them to substantiate his insanity Yeah tranny'ism on steroids. Leave him be. He will take out his own ilk with this operation. >his ultimate flaw is declaring christ to be the antichrist Without christ there is no anti-christ. I am not saying they are the same but he is the originator of the concept. There is the thing. We have a Jesus within us and ascend to his heaven when we die with him but sometimes during life by mistake we either become Jesus and falsely develop a messiah complex by accident and egoism or we denounce him then entrap ourselves in the anti-Christ framework. It's not easy to overcome this on the path and he will be destroyed if he keeps it up. From your perspective it might seem he is trying to force you to accept his understanding in actuality this is how he untangles his own way of seeing things. There will be a point where he either accepts he is wrong and changes his ways or continue this path and hit the rigid framework he created and that's where he crumbles. Let him be. He is not the first to preach these things. The "death womb" contains the silence that is why the masculine needs to impregnate it with life itself. A barren womb contains no life while the fertile one can create it. He either understands it or becomes a tranny with that barren death womb he preaches so much. Wonder if he finds the silence he yearns while yelling and deafening himself with his own hubris. >despite backing his titanic ego Yupp typial messiah and anti-Christ complex >supplemented by rhetoric similar to pilpul Let him get lost in his own hubris. >while trying to connect to/meditate on some cute and whimsical artwork but one glance at /pol/ fucked it all to high hell Yeah this is why it is important to not look at shit places while we try to keep a higher mindset. It's like trying to leisurely eat some cream dessert and there is shit on the table and you accidentally bite into it. The shit shouldn't be on the table at all. Never put it in the table no matter what. Differentiate these times especially because you are still artificially changing your mindsets/mindwaves all the time which means you cannot use an internal switch that aptly yet. Understand your "high" and "low" and only partake in the mundane madness when you are "sober" from the spiritual energies. Otherwise the mundane madness will infect your spiritual ways. You cannot ascend while being this attached/affected by the mundane distractions. This is a well known basics of spirituality. Drugs kinda overwrite this concept on the short term but on the long term you already see that there are lines in the sand you have to make or you will get lost in the sand storm. k checking the vids. The saturn vid makes my head hurt ffs. This is not an entry point you should have used. Saturn represents more than this terrifying uncomfortable eeriness. Might explain this later. also >Reiki clear stagnant and negative energy If you clear it you actually release it and if that happens it will just connect to things with similar negative energies. Releasing negative energies is not always beneficial because it might just connect you to a negative occurrence in your vicinity. This is why it's important to understand where the energies go and let them go and not help them rematerialize in the next second. >in the name of discombobulating the NWO Yeah they are being ripped apart slowly no need to push yourself. Do not LEEEEROY yourself just to be pushed back with a bitchslap. >though the "OM" and "AH" chants were right before I quickly checked /pol/ and checked my shit in. Yeah no wonder you opened that board. You had an urge to connect to that energy. As the chant was supposed to clear this board culture obsessed mind of yours you just went and connected to it even further. As you said Jesus and merchant. The unification of the 2 boards. Jesus /x/ Merchant /pol/ and vice versa it also applies a little. This is how the unification looks for you. This is not what you intended but can you do a better one? I HATE THE ANTICHRIST is the same. You see it's quite nuanced because the jews also await the Messiah and the Messiah of the jews will be the anti-Christ according to many people. So if you accept Jesus as the Messiah the jewish Messiah will be the anti-Christ while for jews Jesus was a false prophet a false Messiah which has the same meaning as the anti-Christ for them. Not to mention it is fueled even further by your hatred for the schizo who is also connecting the 2 aspects of the Messiah. Even the comic you posted had a DO NOT WORSHIP FALSE IDOLS message didn't it. This is what happens if you idolate too much. You create a being in your mind you are unable to control. And idolation is not always stemming from worship but can be from hate too. I HATE THE ANTICHRIST. Hope you are seeing it a little now. If you accidentally connect it then congrats you have an eternal demon chasing you. I too like the comics but sometimes he is just spewing a destructive context while sometimes he correctly understands the whole deal. Fitting for the revival of the old trollface nonetheless. He is also playing with dangerous energies. I remember the trollface appearing for me once with this message in my vision. It has a similar memetic energy as your merchant. No wonder they congregated. Hope you see how the trollface and the merchant almost smiles the same way. The trollface was an also intrusive unpleasant thought in the past. Now it's positive but still in a destructive way. The merchant is just an anti-semitic rage comic face. Clear your internal meme database. >I pride myself on my scholarly and fluent vocabulary owing to another passion in etymology, syntax, grammar, context, and everything pertaining to linguistics. Pride is a "sin". The reason for that is because for these higher feelings sometimes you cannot find the word in the moment so instead of looking for it just merely accept the feeling and express it. Sometimes howling in the night with true passion is better than trying to sound like a scholar. There are feelings that need no words. Just express it when it happens. Those who know will know. They care not for words but for the truth of your heart.

>>432 >I entered a state that couldn't be put into phrase, and in turn I was turned in my ways (felt like my "self" got lost in dad's psyche, hence the descending blue mandelbrot fractal that resembled a dark jailcell corridor in interior). You will have hard time with this. There will be a part in your life when you have to explain truth to him without drugs. Truth needs no drugs. They are everywhere even in this bleak black and white world. See the colors of life and be able to show them to other people. Cannot give you a better advice. Tried to enter to the state you describe and I understand why you had no words to convince him. He does not see the world the same way as you and because of that you have no way explaining it to him. Your only choice is to accept his bleak world and find the colors in it. That way you might find a way how to express it to him without drugs. This will be your own personal battle that you have to figure out. Not sure how you will solve it but you will have to connect to your dad but from an understanding standpoint and not from one where you constantly criticize him. Even you know there were parts where he was right. You have to find the parts where he was wrong and make him understand his faults while accepting your own faults in the process. Both of you can and need to change. You will have to make amends in the end. I know it's hard. I too had problems with my parents. Takes years to solve them. Even if they are alive or not. Not even death do you apart from your parents. They will be always there. If they are still alive cherish them and try to understand each other. I am not saying it as a moralist preacher but because they are part of you and if you are unable to uncover this truth you will be unable to access that part of yourself and will haunt you even in the grave. As your character said to not think about dad you went and thought of him. You cannot escape their influence therefore you have to make amends with them. Also for the other links you posted I might look into it later. But I think you are on a good track now. Keep it up.

>>433 >The "death womb" contains the silence that is why the masculine needs to impregnate it with life itself. A barren womb contains no life while the fertile one can create it. By his understanding he worships this death womb and demonizes the active male participle, the "I AM" as some jewish contrivance of pure evil that inseminates it. By "Christ" I meant Jesus, and this freak adamantly believes he's the antichrist for some of the most bullshit reasoning that even /pol/ doesn't espouse. This here is his draconic chart that he posted for reasons I can only assume of his hubristic mentality (https://archive.4plebs.org/x/search/username/descent%20of%20madness/) >You had an urge to connect to that energy. In my defense, I treated /pol/ as a legitimate and viable sector to keep in touch with current events around the world and /x/ for reaching beyond the veil of ordinary perception into the deeper inner workings of reality. Both as guilty pleasures (now as stopgaps for more active and engaging communities I either can't find or don't passionately align towards.) >As the chant was supposed to clear this board culture obsessed mind of yours you just went and connected to it even further. More like cutting a cord with the above matriarchal death worshipper to properly engrosse with board culture as I saw fit (meaning before I memetically infected myself with his twisted ramblings which vaguely resembled as the lulzington response to this sort of brainrot) >As you said Jesus and merchant. The unification of the 2 boards. Jesus /x/ Merchant /pol/ and vice versa it also applies a little. This is how the unification looks for you. This is not what you intended but can you do a better one? It's not what I wanted, given that the death worshipper's perspective on Jesus being a sociopathic proponent of judaic global domination who somehow worked with the same pharisees he denounced and called the synagogue of satan, who intended for the thief to be the neighbor in the good samaritan parable (as opposed to the actual meaning of the samaritan being the levite's neighbor, which is what lulzington intended). The memetic conflation of Jesus and merchant is a synecdoche of the death worshipper's bile propagating itself through manifested fear of anti-establishment schizos on /pol/ and /x/ subscribing to it as the prevailing narrative that I oppose with every fiber of my being as the ultimate misconception. Lulzington's position of Jesus being the body of Christ, as were Krishna, Baldr, Dionysus, Horus, Mithras, Quetzalcoatl was my stance, and the rest of his comics on facebook and reddit expound upon his worldview as a response both unconventional/counterculture and established theological worldviews to delineate a deeper truth to existence. I'll admit this is a rather crude explanation that doesn't do it justice, but neither he nor I are for any sort of ideological inclination beside the truth. Iaccept Jesus as the messiah in the archetypical sense of being the Son of God sent to slay the wicked tyrant of deception, manufactured narratives and lies. Internalizing or "downloading" this visual psyop that goes against this in a disingenuous vector isn't what I want, nor do I want this crude, obnoxious caricature of a jew registering within the same internal theatre where I give animated form to the words I read or hear, or conjecture I entertain when doing creative or philosophical work. Hell, I feel like I'm languidly describing that mental inner space we probably both know by a more precise term in a way that suggests something else. >Pride is a "sin". The reason for that is because for these higher feelings sometimes you cannot find the word in the moment so instead of looking for it just merely accept the feeling and express it. Moreover, perhaps "priding myself" wasn't the best way to articulate my passionate confidence in lexic dexterity and being able to instantaneously find the right word that other people genuinely struggle with (even if I had to try and not be pretentious about it). >You will have hard time with this. There will be a part in your life when you have to explain truth to him without drugs. He's merely the same normalfag conservative, religious "reefer madness" anti-drug stock of boomers whose worldview is largely shaped in part by manufactured news cycles like the rest of /pol/ (at least currently). My main objective is to be my own "being", or psychically/mentally independant from him in the way of finding the truth through deluzian/guattarian/jungian/dabrowskian philosophical and theological analysis to find the underlying common denominator between them all, combined with my own life experiences (as shoddy as this sounds) though now with an added side mission of clearing two memetic contaminants from /pol/ (jewface) and /x/ (death-worshipper entanglement) so I can proceed.

>>434 >This will be your own personal battle that you have to figure out. Not sure how you will solve it but you will have to connect to your dad but from an understanding standpoint and not from one where you constantly criticize him. Even you know there were parts where he was right. You have to find the parts where he was wrong and make him understand his faults while accepting your own faults in the process. Both of you can and need to change. You will have to make amends in the end. I know it's hard. I too had problems with my parents. Takes years to solve them. Even if they are alive or not. Not even death do you apart from your parents. They will be always there. If they are still alive cherish them and try to understand each other. I am not saying it as a moralist preacher but because they are part of you and if you are unable to uncover this truth you will be unable to access that part of yourself and will haunt you even in the grave. Drugs weren't a waay of escaping reeality, but merely processing it from an alternative lens to uncover neglected and unconventional perspectives I wouldn't otherwise consider. Pops gets in the way of this, and I understand why, given that bad trips in the past have validated his response. Despite this, I intend on reintegrating these parts of me that I feel have been made inaccessible or closed off as well as remove the less desirable elements spurred on in lower vibrational moments of desperation and folly. It ultimately isn't much of a hurdle to overcome, and even despite his anti-psychedelic stance I can still respect him as a paternal figure, though not someone I exactly want in that same inner world of a series I developed from artistic influences I've garnered over the years, I won't exclude him from my personal world.

What the fuck is even going on in this thread? I had to ask for an AI summary to even grasp the general topic here. Why is anon trying to link /pol/ and /x/ using Saturn? Why is he fighting some glowie over who Jesus and Anti-Christ is?

>>434 The overall issue is that ever since I congealed my hate and obsession on the tenth of this month, I've been finding it harder to rest or let myself engage in that nicotine headrush, then shit really boiled over during the reiki and chakra stuff I cobbled together to try and clean myself and now I feel unable to reconnect to my memories or state of being prior. I feel like I'm up shit creek without a paddle and need a tugboat to recover my photographic memory, gifted vocabulary and other autistic quirks I had before stress overcame it. >>438 >Why is anon trying to link /pol/ and /x/ using Saturn? You mean transmogrify the two boards into becoming eachother? >Why is he fighting some glowie over who Jesus and Anti-Christ is? Long story that goes back to last year which culminated in stress-induced dissociation from having my closure obstructed by some faggot who made it all about him. Saw him as an obstacle to spreading sirlulzington's word across the aforementioned two boards and bringing them closer to truth (or making them less shitty).

>>434 Dad isn't the issue here, the issue stems from my panic around the second week of this month where I'm in fear for the integrity of my memories and self-concept. I'm straining my memory to recollect finer details of when things occurred, how I felt, etc. to piece my timeline together. I don't know if I manifested actual cognitive damage or exclusion when I feared that I wouldn't be able to remember the past before happy merchant entered my mind's eye, and I can't seem to find anyone on /x/ that is competent or willing to help me here.

Here’s a brief overview of the main parts of the discussion: Personal Plea: One user shares a personal story about financial struggles and the need for assistance to complete their education, expressing a desire to become a police officer as per their mother’s wishes. Skeptical Responses: Other users respond with skepticism, offering advice, criticism, and questioning the sincerity of the plea, with some suggesting alternative ways to earn money. Esoteric Debate: The conversation shifts to more esoteric topics, with users discussing concepts like energetic pathways, spiritual ascension, and the impact of drugs on spiritual practices. Philosophical Musings: Participants engage in philosophical discussions about the nature of the internet, the role of third-world countries in online spaces, and the concept of ‘Beggomancy’—a term used to describe the act of begging as a form of magic or spiritual practice. The thread is a mix of personal stories, requests for help, and deep dives into fringe topics, reflecting the diverse interests and backgrounds of the participants.

>>440 With a step back from the incomprehensible mess that this thread is to an outsider, I think I can relate to your actions in terms of the two boards, it has a structure which seems to correlate with something I've been through in a completely different context. As you are reading this post, you may perceive a servitor I've sent out to bring clarity to this thing from the perspective I see here. There may be an experience of seeing Saturn as well. As for the Christ/anti-Christ part, there has been an increase in the meaningless postings of >christ is king all over both boards. Christ/Messiah are words that mean exactly the same thing but were translated differently depending on who the represented bible character is addressing (Greek or Jewish). The correct statement should be >Jesus is king otherwise you are merely stating (correctly) that Christ means "king" when translated to English, which is a nonsense statement in terms of its esoteric meaning.

>>443 by Christ I mean anointed by God, but that's different. What I'm dealing with is an overall disconnect from my sense of "self" - recollection of the past events I chronicle through a timeline so as to navigate through my life and an impermeable sense of dread or fear that prevents my heart from being able to relax or rest well. Think the fear of cognitive decline induced by that wizard's construct is what got lodged in, along with condensed frustration and inability to tell my subconscious to reject or dissociate unwanted visuals from certain aspects of cognition and memory might be it.

>>444 >by Christ I mean anointed by God sure >an impermeable sense of dread or fear that prevents my heart from being able to relax or rest well. Conflicting with the glownigger egregore may cause this, the "electric wire" effect where you keep getting shocked if trying to remain in place or move forward. It's supposed to work as a deterrent, but individuals initiating and proceeding on an esoteric path may be unable to even take a step back because they permanently moved forward by awakening, which causes a continued "shocking" from their system. They always think they can prevent people from moving forward so like an actual electric fence when the cattle connects their body with it, the energy will increasingly gather at that connection point if they don't move away. Hard truth of the matter is that you have to make the fence itself melt from overloading, which is rather painful. Learn to transform the electricity which is shocking you and siphon the system until the wires burn out.

>>445 You mean that congealed stress and anger that comes from not finding an angle to mentally strike away sleeper agent (namefag) and allow the other glowie of a matriarchal death worshipper to be sacrificed?

>>446 >not finding an angle to mentally strike away It's not that you >can't relax from my experience it's that they are focusing psiop units on people who try to break away, so the are projecting stress, even taking turns to keep pressure on a person. This is how they work, just pure malevolence. Because it now seems your situation is similar, I'll try to look what is around you. Brb.

>>447 Ignore this post, just going to break the egregore in case they are watching.

>>448 Be sure to look in my heart, it's where I do most of the emotional (and in some cases mental) work. I draw and feel from the heart, and the bulk of my reminiscience and word choice is stored there.

>>433 >From your perspective it might seem he is trying to force you to accept his understanding in actuality this is how he untangles his own way of seeing things. He acts very cocky and sanctimonious over his understanding and at points states "there can be no other way" as if his perspective is the only objective correct one. >Saturn represents more than this terrifying uncomfortable eeriness. Might explain this later. What do you mean?

>>449 I tried to inspire your subconscious to create a protective "egg" around your heart by encircling you with benevolent energy to temporarily remove external influences. I saw the minds of multiple someone watching, and they were also watching me (they saw the road crossing which I use for spell-casting, can't touch that without removing the road network itself so they are out of luck).

>>451 What should I do next to dispel the monitoring spirits and restore the full contents of my memories, synesthesia and all?

>>452 Meditate? Seriously, some decent hatha yoga sitting meditation, I think. I felt a need to go outside and face them at that very road crossing, better to fight the enemy at your fortifications. This board is the same structure as /x/ and /pol/ and I use them both, so this is all connected. Attack one anon here and it's an attack on everyone. There was a strong energy projection of "fear" emerging, which I had to overcome to just walk into the darkness of the night. I brought a cane. When I initiated the circle at the crossing, the energy screaming >get out, run was all around me. When I decided to stand my ground I started seeing visual hallucinations in the dark, light flickers coming from down the road, shapes moving in the dark. A light then shone in the sky for a brief moment. I heard a sound behind me as of a footstep in sand, and found myself reacting by reflex, ending up in a high perception martial arts stance holding the cane as a weapon. I remained still but nothing revealed itself. The light flickers kept happening and I resumed the yogic chanting, stronger and more focused, until the force suddenly "snapped", there was a sound of a "crack" like a branch breaking somewhere in the dark and it changed nature like a dog suddenly submitting to its master. On the way back I experienced a changed visual perception, all light sources now had a halo. When I got back inside I realized I am now able to look directly at previously blinding lights, naked light bulbs which I would never look directly at before. A strange change indeed. The effect still remains, like the light itself is contained and mitigated as I look at the light source.

>>435 >In my defense, I treated /pol/ as a legitimate and viable sector to keep in touch with current events around the world Same. But it is botted and glowed hard in the last years. Thread carefully. And never go there as an addiction driven impulse. Otherwise all the traps that are laid there will get you. >and /x/ for reaching beyond the veil of ordinary perception into the deeper inner workings of reality. That was the same for me more than a decade ago but once I found fringe I kinda left it asap because the mundanity and ridicule it has was annoying and while in the past years the schizo and wizard population increased it didn't exactly result in a better way of assessing and sharing teachings. Also it is giving home to many entities since succgen got popular. You have to watch over how you read that board as you scroll it. >Both as guilty pleasures (now as stopgaps for more active and engaging communities I either can't find or don't passionately align towards.) Yeah I know that feel but I will just try to resurrect fringe instead of trying to reform /x/. I know my current limits even tho I am surpassing them every day. >More like cutting a cord with the above matriarchal death worshipper to properly engrosse with board culture as I saw fit (meaning before I memetically infected myself with his twisted ramblings which vaguely resembled as the lulzington response to this sort of brainrot) You see glowtards are part of the board. Looking at that board and spotting glowies and entities is part of the journey. If you cut a cord and don't know what you connect to it while doing so sometimes you get something worse than the thing you tried cutting yourself from. Cutting cords is not always easy because sometimes the cords are way too entangled and once you cut one the balance breaks. It's like how a slave who wears his chains gets beaten daily but the one that broke it gets beaten every hour or worse. I am not saying don't break your chains it's that always know that there will be more after it. There might be a bigger fight for freedom than you might expect. Not to mention the slaves that let a slave escape will get more beating as a punishment so sometimes you have to make sure to know who is with you and who is not ready for an escape at all. >given that the death worshipper's perspective Yeah sorry I am not engrossing myself in his views. It's retarded and I am not sure what entities fueling him because once I find them I will have to probably get rid of all of them and I have my own share of hurdles. Weird events happen when you suddenly reshape the metaphysical ecosystem and my psychic overloads kinda go out of control and it's hard to stop when that happens. I am currently learning patience and tact and understanding how to only apply as much pressure as it is needed and not more. Never ask more than you can handle. An important lesson on the path. >Internalizing or "downloading" this visual psyop that goes against this in a disingenuous vector isn't what I want, nor do I want this crude, obnoxious caricature of a jew registering within the same internal theatre where I give animated form to the words I read or hear, or conjecture I entertain when doing creative or philosophical work Yeah no shit dude. Now pls go and tell this to your subconscious and other forces you have around in a way they understand. >My main objective is to be my own "being", Yes that is important but you have to understand your attachment to your dad. Your trips would be far more insightful if you unfuck the source of your intrusive thoughts. Without that the worst trips and hell on earth and beyond awaits you. We all want independence from parental despotism. But if we think about them every day while being independent you cannot call that true independence can you. They don't even talk to you and you still hear them. But you get what I am trying to say already it's just you don't know what to do with it yet. >>437 >Drugs weren't a waay of escaping reeality, but merely processing it from an alternative lens to uncover neglected and unconventional perspectives I wouldn't otherwise consider That's cool and all but once you are unable to handle a perspective you have to go "beyond it" via attaining an even more complex perspective. And while with meditation and introspection you can more or less influence the speed of ascension and descent with drugs you just get high to a degree and if you fuck up the "smooth sailing" with a careless thought you crash and drown then you have to swim back to the shore through your own debris. I too accept the ways drugs can give perspectives but once you depend on them the wrong way then they doom you. >and I understand why, given that bad trips in the past have validated his response Yeah he is worried about you. I am sure he heard many nightmare stories about druggies losing grip and doesn't want you to end up that way. It's always important to understand the fire we play with otherwise we burn ourselves for no real gain and those wounds take time to heal. >>438 >What the fuck is even going on in this thread? Offtopic posting in an already offtopic thread and maybe realigning it with the values of fringe and not trashing other more valuable threads with this whole madness. You know. The usual. Derailing the derailment and with it setting back it to it's course (hopefully). >Why is anon trying to link /pol/ and /x/ using Saturn? Why is he fighting some glowie over who Jesus and Anti-Christ is? RIGHT??? Trying to figure out his entire malfunction here and combating even worse and more hostile energies by every post I make gets annoying. I don't even know how deep this will go but after every post I understand how he fucked up and I know there is still more. But at least I hope things started to improve for him because I had to slash and burn many energies and entities there holy shit. >>440 >I had before stress overcame it. Yeah dude that stress obstructing everything. Once it's gone everything will slowly return. But understanding that stress seems like will take more effort than I thought first. we went from >guise I have an intrusive thought pls halp to >akshully I entangled myself with cosmic horrors beyond my comprehension. Did I forget to mention that? oopsie lol my bad haha You managed to create quite the tangled mess. Hope things are slowly improving on your side at least. >>441 >Dad isn't the issue here Yes he is just a minor stumble but you are falling down the stairs ever since so if you realize how to correct that stumble you might recover your poise. Like your dad is like a corrupted file on your HDD. It just takes up place and ruins other memory units. Currently yes he is not the largest corrupted file in your current issue library but even uncorrupting and defragmenting that part of your mind will give back a sense of "self" to you because every step counts in these battles. >>441 >and I can't seem to find anyone on /x/ that is competent or willing to help me here. Dude you seemingly had an extremely simple problem that spiraled out of control and very few people can see the entire clusterfuck you are in currently. That doesn't mean it's all bad and hopeless but it takes time to untangle it and in the end you will be the main force that fixes it. We just give a little helping hand here and there.

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>>443 >otherwise you are merely stating (correctly) that Christ means "king" when translated to English, which is a nonsense statement in terms of its esoteric meaning. I cannot wait until future historians start to interpret the saying >TRUMP WINS LOL Trumping means winning. THIS MAKES NO SENSE. But yes the Christ is King is meaningless and obviously a spam warfare like the chans always had to counter and annoy other detrimental forces.

>>444 >along with condensed frustration and inability Yeah that is your main issue here. >Try to banish thought >doesn't work >get scared >get even worse at banishing thought Quite the slippery slope. Hard to get a grip in those situations. >>445 >Hard truth of the matter is that you have to make the fence itself melt from overloading, which is rather painful. Learn to transform the electricity which is shocking you and siphon the system until the wires burn out. That is one of the funniest part of the madness. Making the "shock" starting to fuel your own workings. UNLIMITED POWER. Then the whole things shizzles and what you have is an utter disappointment in the whole system you considered as something as a "worthy opponent". >>449 >in my heart, it's where I do most of the emotional (and in some cases mental) work. I draw and feel from the heart, and the bulk of my reminiscience and word choice is stored there. And you closed your heart... No wonder you are this powerless. Ahhhh. >>450 >He acts very cocky and sanctimonious over his understanding and at points states "there can be no other way" as if his perspective is the only objective correct one. Yes this is how messiah complexes work. Once he loses confidence the whole structure crashes on his head. This is why he has to keep fanatical faith till the end. Challenging him just forces him to reinforce his own beliefs further. Every word he attacks with is a defensive mechanism. A cope. >What do you mean? Will effort post later. >>453 >Meditate? Seriously, some decent hatha yoga sitting meditation, I think. I fear he has no way combating these kind of situations via meditations yet. But who knows. He has his own surprises he is still forgetting to mention. He can do it once he realizes he can regain control because he never lost it but he is merely inhibited by fear. Fear and doubt is one of the worst poisons on the path. >>453 >This board is the same structure as /x/ and /pol/ MATCH MADE IN HEAVEN I miss the x-tan comics. >There was a strong energy projection of "fear" emerging Yeah and all it goes to the heart.... At least I had reasons to learn to utilize my heart chakra power routines... and opened ways to do some karma yoga. Funny how energies congregate sometimes. >On the way back I experienced a changed visual perception, all light sources now had a halo. When I got back inside I realized I am now able to look directly at previously blinding lights, naked light bulbs which I would never look directly at before. A strange change indeed. The effect still remains, like the light itself is contained and mitigated as I look at the light source. Might be a coincidence but I too managed to get a hold of these energies while activating my vedic myth combat types. My greater guides just gave me 2 sparks that has the sole purpose of eternally cleansing the vision. it had 2 reason. Reason one: merchant to finally die from anon's vision. Reason 2: to cleanse my eyes because longposting this awful amount of text while looking at energy formations makes my eyes blurry and that cleansed that whole energetic turmoil in my eye meridians. The eternal spark that keeps the light observable instead of blinding foggy or distracting. Has more mysteries and will dive into it further once the current case is solved.

>>454 >Yeah sorry I am not engrossing myself in his views. Perhaps reading my views and even perspective into his to where I saw him as largely similar really doesn't fucking help. He's a ministrel show of my "shitposting schizo" self in a way that made me disavow it slowly to distance myself from him, leading me to practically disfigure the same framework that brought me to my zenith. >Now pls go and tell this to your subconscious and other forces you have around in a way they understand. Easier said than done if it didn't operate on counterproductive principles like "what you resist persists" and "the subconscious doesn't understand negatives". It's either deliberately misinterpreting me or flat out disobeying because the "merchant" registering as either taboo and edgy or valid and worth keeping are the only two options it seems to understand, and if I tell it to get rid of it it freaks out like "what if there's memories assigned to it?" Like bitch just dissociate the damn image from them and take back that packet of memories >But at least I hope things started to improve for him because I had to slash and burn many energies and entities there holy shit. Yeah, been able to have better sleep without my heart compulsively beating to check /x/ for any signs of him or whatever the fuck. Generally even entertaining the notion of him returning no matter how ephemeral results in that fear being validated, which is the polar opposite of what I want. Hopefully I get to see 2024 that isn't wasted on backseat jannying his subhuman meat calculator ass out of it. >We just give a little helping hand here and there. Aye, appreciate it. >But yes the Christ is King is meaningless and obviously a spam warfare like the chans always had to counter and annoy other detrimental forces. One minor theological weak link in my overall worldview is what it took to buckle me and completely focus my energies on invalidating his bullshit (in my own eyes after I realized his were sown shut) to discredit him.

>>454 >RIGHT??? Trying to figure out his entire malfunction here and combating even worse and more hostile energies by every post I make gets annoying. I don't even know how deep this will go but after every post I understand how he fucked up and I know there is still more. But at least I hope things started to improve for him because I had to slash and burn many energies and entities there holy shit. Yeah sorry I dragged you through my autistic crusade in removing one glowie I deemed an obstacle to making some redditor's schizophrenic rage comics the new paradigm on /x/ and /pol/ in order to get them to view things from a different perspective and realize it isn't solely jews, the whole saturn thing was a very colossal fuckup of a bet I shouldn't've taken to begin with. Originally I took them on as a way of proving my durability, later choosing to manifest lulzy happenings to global jewry (Israel-Gaza and NYC tunnels) for the fuck of it, but that's not super relevant. The real issue began when I suddenly remembered that fuck who I hated and checked /ng/ to confirm - which he did, stating he "used his tendrils" - to drag me there, which pissed me off to high hell since I knew I let this fucker still exerted some influence over me and drag me into that same wormhole of shit. I proceeded to waste the next month in attempting to do away with whatever emotional or psychic connection I inadvertantly established to him, culminating in the disaster in that anon's eclipse ritual which lead to my heart clenching in anger knowing that I got cockblocked by some namefag in the way of what I saw was permanently banishing that freak for good. While I lack the vocabulary to precisely articulate how I feel, my internal timeline of events is starting to reform, even if certain events are marginally misaligned with the proper timeframes and dates, I don't feel anywhere near as internally suppressed from the start and can form memories a little more concretely now.

Idk how this is related, if at all, but recently there's been unusual mod interactions on /pol/, they're moving threads instead of deleting them. Also the appearance of pro-black threads that are somewhat successful.

>>456 >Easier said than done if it didn't operate on counterproductive principles Okay we are going to go through the 7 hermetic laws now especially at the principle of polarity >Everything is dual; everything has poles; everything has its pair of opposites; like and unlike are the same; opposites are identical in nature, but different in degree; extremes meet; all truths are but half-truths; all paradoxes may be reconciled The most important part will be now the: all truths are but half-truths all paradoxes may be reconciled We will go through your principles now. >what you resist persists "resisting" here means sitting and tensing and letting other forces do what they want and tiring yourself out in the process while merely "attempting resist" with no way of fighting back. What you want to understand how to switch into the "persist" mindset or realize your eternal persistence then see how the other force "resists" if it's capable of doing that at all. There will be a point where this energy will need to accept you and return to you and everything else will fade into obscurity. Also the trollface and the merchant operates the same way so if you want you can conjure up the I HATE THE ANTICHRIST trollface and make it destroy the merchant. Ofc if the merchant still bothers you. The merchant is feeding on that archetypical energy and if you just pull out that older archetypal memeforce you can watch it combat it. (Just visualize it feel it form and tell him to take apart the ANTICHRIST merchant) Origin subconscious forces always triumph over accidental and foreign forces. >the subconscious doesn't understand negatives That is not exactly true but yes it is trying to "reject" it as much it can. Why? Because the subconscious is supposed to safeguard you from all these negative forces so it tries to block it so you don't cause internal damage for yourself. This might translate as an inability to understand negatives but in practice it knows it is harmful and blocks it. Like no one should buy a gun that explodes in their hand and shoot with that. It's important to not firebomb your subconscious but try to untangle the positive and negative energies it has. Try to heal it instead of tardwrangling it like a retarded parents beats his child and with that making things even worse. In those situation the subconscious (mother) doesn't let you beat your "inner child" of sorts. It's a complex mechanic but to be able to properly interface your subconscious you need a calm and clear mind. >It's either deliberately misinterpreting me or flat out disobeying because the "merchant" registering as either taboo and edgy or valid and worth keeping Why you "hate" the merchant the merchant is a staple of the 4chan culture. Without the merchant we wouldn't have post 2014 4chan or I don't even remember when it appeared first. The merchant is posted more than pepes nowadays and especially more posted than any rage faces which were common in the ragecomic days. The merchant is not exactly containing memories but is connecting to the entire structure. So imagine if you wanted to cut your whole leg because of a recurring itch. In the end cutting your whole leg would cause more pain and loss than enduring the itch therefore your subconscious blocks the idea because you consider the leg causes the itching and not a damaged part that you keep scratching every day and making things worse. My family has people who scratch their legs bloody while sleeping. I just simply don't give a shit. Simply just not responding to those subconscious urges. Nowadays I am not doing that ofc. If I feel a subconscious urge I can observe it and take it apart manually but for that you have to know thyself and understand the all truths but half truths principle. You will have to understand how those principles formed within you. What life experience what teacher or faith gave it to you then observe the way those principles form concepts theories practices and routines within you. With those you will understand the other hermetic laws of rhythm and cause and effect. >It's either deliberately misinterpreting me or flat out disobeying Try to turn it around. Try to interpret what the subconscious is trying to say. Keep a silent mind and try or let it speak to you. And try to feel the forces that "block" your intents. >Yeah, been able to have better sleep without my heart compulsively beating to check /x/ for any signs of him or whatever the fuck Good >Generally even entertaining the notion of him returning no matter how ephemeral results in that fear being validated, which is the polar opposite of what I want. You have to understand that obsessively worrying is blocking your energies in your body especially in the heart. Your power house is the heart. Heard somewhere a saying that there are 2 ways in spirituality. One by the heart and one by the solar plexus. Working with love or with power. Well you seem to worked with love so far then descended into pure hatred and completely lost your way. Try to understand how your forces ebb and flow and do not force them. Were you ever "forced" to "rap battle" with your words or you did it after a force of inspiration hit you? You have to understand how these forces these inspirations move on their own and with you. I would say try to do it without drugs but if your heart says you need it then go for it. The energies the heart have can triumph over these forces you just have to let it flow. Do not tense it purposely with hate. >which is the polar opposite of what I want. Okay so you want to sit on your butt full with worry and hate and compulsively check /x/ every time for that fuck like a madman? The energies are not exactly making you "accept him" but trying to make you understand how with positive feelings you can reattain your heart and for some reason you interpret that as accepting his ways. Do you want to torture yourself each day for a chance he might suffer for it? Try to let go of this hate already. You don't understand love and hate enough yet to be able to descend into that hatred without being exploited. You are too dependent on your own love and creativity. >Hopefully I get to see 2024 that isn't wasted on backseat jannying his subhuman meat calculator ass out of it. Hope you understand this wish can come through by either dying or forcefully admitting you into a mental ward too. How long are you willing to go to cultivate your hatred towards him? Are you sure you want waste your life trying to become that force? Understand this hate and feel how it is being fed. It can be hard I know. >One minor theological weak link in my overall worldview is what it took to buckle me You are as strong as your weakest point. Never ever forget this. Only go into battles brazenly if you are sure of your strengths and weaknesses. The weakest link breaks first and if it keeps something important together everything falls apart. This is why monks meditate and cultivate for decades so they can make sure there are no weaknesses no fallible desires within them anymore.

>>457 >Yeah sorry I dragged you through my autistic crusade No biggie. It's a good practice for me. >making some redditor's schizophrenic rage comics the new paradigm on /x/ and /pol/ Yeah those comics are good sometimes but some of them are quite reductionist then miss or confuse the whole point. These things cannot be explained with 4-8 meme panels. But I too like some of his comics. Even the trollface entity managed to appear for me sometimes because all the energies his comics have. Try to summon that force. Might help or entertain you. Especially after your sacrifice for him. >and realize it isn't solely jews HAHAHA. Seen pic related so far? Somehow it always turns out that a jew were in any mess for some reason. You might say yes but there were other factors too and they weren't jews BUT SOMEHOW A JEW WAS ALWAYS PART OF IT. You will not be able to operate /pol/ energies without acknowledging this. The jews are everywhere. If they are not there then it's a paradise that jews will infest. I too understand your sentiment about the dangers of being this obsessed about the jews but /pol/ didn't create the actions of the jews. The actions of the jews created pol. Without jews there is no pol. Therefor it is the jews no matter what. Pol loves when it turns out it's not the jews but they need to confirm that via an extremely through investigation and in 99% of the times it turns out a jew was there even if his involvement was minor. >the whole saturn thing was a very colossal fuckup I think after this I will write about Saturn a little >Originally I took them on as a way of proving my durability Well you did it. But now you have to understand what happens at the end of that durability and how to maintain and reclaim it. >The real issue began when I suddenly remembered that fuck who I hated and checked /ng/ to confirm - which he did, stating he "used his tendrils" - to drag me there, which pissed me off to high hell Yeah I looked at your pic and that is a sort of "overcharging your shadows" then eating away the energies/negative loosh of that kind of ritual. It works but yes with that you will somewhat have to let go of your parts to the person who oversees the ritual. Overall it doesn't seem too harmful but I don't know what energies it connects to yet. You never know what is on the otherside until checking. >I proceeded to waste the next month in attempting to do away with whatever emotional or psychic connection I inadvertantly established to him, culminating in the disaster in that anon's eclipse ritual which lead to my heart clenching in anger knowing that I got cockblocked by some namefag in the way of what I saw was permanently banishing that freak for good Yeah that ritual overcharges your shadow energies and if you halfway block the ritual coming through you literally bottle them up deep within and start tormenting yourself with your own shadow forces. No wonder you are this hateful fearful and obsessed. That ritual creates a sort of equilibrium in the end but if you botch it it leaves you with all your negative energies surfacing and overtaking you at once. I can somewhat see that you managed to get rid most of the tendrils on your own but failed to cleanse the energies that the mesh of influences caused and didn't realize how to deal with your overcharged shadow forces. Those forces were supposed to go into that realm he preaches so much but you stopped therefore you have to realign yourself now. Ofc you have enough positive energies around you curently and most of your shadow forces were disarmed so I think you will be able to get up your feet on your own soon. But don't push yourself. Only do it if you feel pushing yourself is in line with your own truth/destiny and not a mere intrusive thought/obsessive hate. >While I lack the vocabulary to precisely articulate how I feel Yeah you are in a mixed emotional state. No need to focus on it yet. Your emotional state is aligning itself again. Let it happen. No need to put it into words. >my internal timeline of events is starting to reform, even if certain events are marginally misaligned with the proper timeframes and dates, I don't feel anywhere near as internally suppressed from the start and can form memories a little more concretely now. Good. They will realign as your emotions return where they should be. >>458 >but recently there's been unusual mod interactions on /pol/, they're moving threads instead of deleting them Yeah they move these blatant shit/coomposting threads to bant then it dies there because bant is not allowing porndumps nor anyone caring about bant. >Also the appearance of pro-black threads that are somewhat successful. There are many >post cute/sexy woman (of any race) >Hey pol would you be racist if she asked you out And other similar themes. Not sure if it's spam or blatant (You) farming and coomposting but you might never know. At least mods can appear less draconian this way instead just nuking half the board because a spammer got too giddy.

>>460 > Were you ever "forced" to "rap battle" with your words or you did it after a force of inspiration hit you? "Don't have dad on the mind" resulted in the opposite, and when the high kicked in there wasn't any getting out of it once inspiration hit. >Okay so you want to sit on your butt full with worry and hate and compulsively check /x/ every time for that fuck like a madman? What? No. That's exactly what I don't want. >That ritual creates a sort of equilibrium in the end but if you botch it it leaves you with all your negative energies surfacing and overtaking you at once. Turns out recollecting that fuck's most vexatious posts in a sort of "two minutes hate"-esque sequence was bad for the psyche, even if it was my twisted understanding of distilling the worst energies I collected from him. Man, fuck this lethologica is getting worse, now I feel like my vocabulary's at the level of the average normalfag. What I've gathered thus far is that I allowed my disdain for the guy to taint broad swathes of otherwise innocuous and normal concepts, ideas, images and feelings that otherwise wouldn't've been ruined otherwise. Pushing myself feels more of a compulsive drive to fix what I perceive to be a rapidly deteriorating situation, like "I need to do unspecified and vague ritual or obsessively rummage through the archives to find the exact post that triggered me so I can gain some closure on when I first saw it or else my ability to recall shit based on tangentially related keywords I still remember will be lost", which is also based on fear. >Your emotional state is aligning itself again. Let it happen. Sure doesn't feel like it until I feel as smart and clairvoyant as before. Ordered more DXM, will be sure to avoid 4chinz usage during the trip.

>>462 >What? No. That's exactly what I don't want. As long as you understand it's good. >Sure doesn't feel like it until I feel as smart and clairvoyant as before You see we don't know the (You) that you were in your "glory days" so we are unable to grant you the energies that made up that ego mechanism of yours. That will be your own journey. >now I feel like my vocabulary's at the level of the average normalfag Yeah the fact that you use "feelings" to store the words and not your mental faculties makes it harder to grant it back with a mere "cleansing" especially because you managed to hold in all the hatred and fear for the sore purpose of being able to store the words you cherish so much. And when you started posting you were unable to display this ability of yours at it's full extent so we didn't consider it a core factor of your being at all. These words can be relearned. Once you start looking into the feelings that granted you these words they will return. It's like not speaking a language for years then you will decide to relearn it again and it will be 10 times faster than starting from scratch. >Ordered more DXM I don't even know what that does. >will be sure to avoid 4chinz usage during the trip. Not just during it but before it too. Try to not use x and pol on that day and before it. Go to any other sites watch movies read books do whatever but that. Or 90% of the work we done here might be for naught. Also I just realized your abilities are probably missing because you still have your 3rd eye and crown chakra closed out of fear. Stimulate them a little. If at this level if you are still unable to figure out which choices lead to a semblance heaven and which ones lead to a place worse than hell then I am not sure what else we can to tell you. Let time heal you. That is one of the good aspect of Saturn. Renewal. But that is only possible through understanding responsibility through your actions. Saturn represents understanding of mechanics cycles and methods. Do not invoke him carelessly when you don't even know what you are doing. Saturn is everything but the lulz. He punishes retards the same way he was punished for his mistakes. What he grants to his enemies he felt on his own skin. His power and knowledge is no trifle. He represents understanding through knowledge through experience to harshness through kindness through luck and pain. He knows all. That gives you joy and despair altogether. Do not take his gifts for granted mortal. A semblance of his knowledge can take decades for your kind. Do not even think for a moment you can be worthy of them through drugs and minor accomplishments. His lessons will be carved into your being and only forget them once you are able to transcend that knowledge. Yeah I kinda channeled this now. Wanted to write an other way what he does and how he works but it's meaningless. No one truly understands Saturn. Everyone just thinks he is the big guy who doesn't let you have fun. We will come back to this topic later anyways. The cycles will repeat and continue. There is no way escaping from this matter. It will be brought up and discussed. But not now. Now you go and nourish yourself back to health

>>460 I just simply dislike the merchant because it's ugly, and ever since it wormed its way into my third eye I've been treating it as an invasive sigil with no solid qualia nor definitive basis to invalidate it. Kinda worried I forgot all my accumulated knowledge and memories since childhood, especially my broad and advanced vocabulary, and my heart's been stressing me to get that wizard back to reverse and rectify that. But beneath it all, it's about removing my doppelganger/antithesis, the death worshipper from 4chan and salvaging lost milestones/events in my life to remember like the 25th anniversary of windowlicker along with every advancement and good moment in life.

>>463 >You see we don't know the (You) that you were in your "glory days" so we are unable to grant you the energies that made up that ego mechanism of yours. It's borne of identity praise and a penchant for learning and discovering beyond what my peers typically learn, even if it's not particularly helpful, it adds definition and nuance to life's experience. Being raised on the internet while avoiding most of the bad sites until teenage years was part of it. Being able to tap into other's mindsets and channel through them is part of it, as was being able to unconsciously manifest events going in my favor to a variety of magnitudes, but that comes into early adulthood. Learning words larger than most people's vocabularies came from reading scathing rants in my teen years, college education on proper writing structure, as well as the belief that I was always linguistically advanced and able to parse more abstract and complex concepts other people my age wouldn't, but that isn't what I've felt since that 4-AcO-DMT trip. My higher thinking faculties - a large chunk of my core factor along with overexcitabilities and giftedness - are a bit out of reach, encrypted or just plain hard to tap into, and I fear that straining to recollect them might rewrite them in ways I don't want them to. >I don't even know what that does. Dextromethorphan, which allows for remote viewing, lightning fast and efficient manifestation, as with some fuckery in electromagnetic fields owing to its bioelectric capabilities?

>>464 >>465 >lightning fast and efficient manifestation I will get back to this topic later but before I leave this board for today I want to remind you if the merchant is still fucking with you summon/conjure/visualize the trollface to combat it. It should be the natural antidote and the usual the "evil trickster gets defeated by the good trickster" parable with modern symbolism. You may understand better your own thought processes because the trollface archetype might guide you to your unpleasant looking places the merchant exploits. Also the term "troll" meant supernatural in nordic countries which means the troll(face) is a literal fairy-type aka the fae. Summon it and see what happens. And as to the language and giftedness we will return to this discussion because I have my own etymological interest but for me it is not a "hobby" but more a magical truth seeking because sometimes I channel words and concepts where I have to understand the root words and the complete culture behind it so I can properly internalize it and I might be able to give a little help how to utilize your gifts well. >as with some fuckery in electromagnetic fields owing to its bioelectric capabilities? Yeah I too kill electronic devices with my accidental psychic abilities from time to time. I have to calm down and go into a mundane mindset while looking at my phone or it lags the apps crash and the icons randomly jump as my touch screen is overwhelmed by the electromagnetic confusion my body emits. The body can create quite the amount of drugs you know. How was the quote again? >You don't do drugs. You are the drugs. Also I don't know the side effects of Dextromethorphan and how it needs to be combated because all drugs are different but I am sure you have your ways already.

>>466 >anon starts an eclipse ritual thread >my one chance to be rid of this anti-abrahamic, matriarchal, death-worshipping pseudo-schizophrenic bot of an energy vampire and the cords I accidentally established to him through congruencies drawn between our respective metaphysical frameworks and personalities >satan's gayest retard of bottomless IQ, "sleeper agent" proceeds to rob me of my closure by persistently shifting the focus onto him instead of the tard I intended >intense wrath starts to overtake me as a schema of this genetic dejection and evolutionary dead end constantly hampering my momentum with his neural misfirings starts to form >go for a vape to cool my jets, squash nicotine headrush as soon as a stray thought confirming my worst impression arises >can't yawn completely, stress is in the way >this leads to yoga chants and reiki which leads to the aforementioned happy merchant incident >the concept of the worst form of intrusive thought that will not fuck off no matter how much psychic energy exerted was pre-established, all the merchant did was form the imagery >it still pops up because the linguistic portion of my brain is straining itself to find the right words to properly denounce it as a obnoxiously tasteless, garish, and unsophisticated piece of visual propaganda made by a satanist for equally feeble-minded and hypocritical racial tribalists to apply onto anything they don't like

Try chanting >dharmakara 10 times with full focus, if you believe this will work, he will guide you.

>Try to understand what he is saying and what is the truth that keeps his delusion together. He is looking for the mother aspect and understanding death. I've been saying that he's a suicidal poet with an oedipus complex for a while now, an ex-catholic turned cyber-schizo hindu isn't even remotely worth losing the plot over, nor is there anything of worth in the unintelligible hypergraphia that constitutes the body of his metaphysical framework that he unflinchingly adheres to without the slightest hint of disbelief. While the true purpose of his presence in my timeline or what lesson he's supposed to teach in the way of me preaching the message of sirlulzingtonesquire is lost on me (besides pissing me off into dedicating my existence on /x/ to eradicating him from the website altogether, which I came very close to accomplishing before I learnt that Christopher Wray wasn't his actual fucking name), he's added nothing of value to my life and all fearing the notion of his anti-abrahamic stance becoming the prevailing attitude on /pol/ and /x/ has lead to it becoming a reality. He is the catalyst for two events that have ruined march thus far and the sooner I find out how to remove him along with the ruination he inadvertantly inspired in the way of distancing myself from him the better. I don't know what entity, force, or sentiment is protecting him, but it needs to go along with him. Easily the dumbest fairy I lost my way for a rootkit over. "To keep you is no benefit; To destroy you is no loss."

>>472 In deeper understanding, it seems as if I've created a dialectic opening for his existence as the polar opposite of myself. Christian/Noctilucent is a superficial, disingenuous pisstake of my jubilant, whimsical, and loving yet erratic and brash nature whose only reason to exist is to condition /x/ to hate Jesus through aggressive repetition-based conditioning and obsessive reiteration of the same unintelligble word salad encrypted with personal jargon through an insufferably smarmy and contemptible demeanor. His cadence suggests the same reaffirmed, carefree egoic durability I used to display, his egregiously performative displays of virtue he clearly doesn't possess based on the flagrant self-delusion that "only someone assured of themselves would present" speaks more towards his uninhibited conceit than anything I could ever say about him. His very presence on the same board I went to on occult and symbolic literacy as well as spooky-time shitposting is a glaring indication of underlying issues because I swear to God this nigger did not exist prior to 2022 at the earliest. Christian's an irredeemably hypocritical and deluded narcissistic piece of shit masquerading as a prophet whose very idea of a "prophecy" amounts to eye-wateringly obsequious, deviantart-esque prayers.

>>469 I don't use hate and fear to retain my sophisticated vocabulary, that normally comes about with passion. I held onto that hate and fear so as to retain the concept to articulate it as hamfisted and wonky as I could, but I'm not even sure if that's the exact explanation I wanted. As it stands, I'm barely kept afloat by intangible promises I barely trust as my heart longs to regain its place as the pinnacle of relevance and immersion. No new vibes nor memories are formed, it's just a cycle of waking up and immediately wanting to return to sleep followed by a tedious and unfulfilling online existence. It pines for new and engaging material to form a new vantage point to re-establish itself, yet it's just monotonous novelties masking a deep, intense pressure to resolve an issue beyond my ability to succintly parse. >more a magical truth seeking because sometimes I channel words and concepts where I have to understand the root words and the complete culture behind it so I can properly internalize it and I might be able to give a little help how to utilize your gifts well. That's how it is (or was) for me, plenty of preciously poetic points I'd love to revisit yet abstain from out of fear of fouling with whatever subconscious taint lurks beneath my surface. A horrid rot that begs to be cured.

>>458 >>466 I could still use your help, the merchant is just a visual synecdoche of the whole "oh fuck I'm losing my mental gifts and each and every day that passes is a day further from it but there's wasted potential memories I need to reconcile but don't know how to". I don't know if it's just a trick and it'll come back, or if it's a gradual but permanent loss.

>using NIGGERTITS >in the year 3190 YOLD ishygddt

>>477 Where else is there to go?

>>479 besides here? unironically sportschan and i'm not even joking

>>480 >dead board with CP ads no thanks

>>454 >Dude you seemingly had an extremely simple problem that spiraled out of control and very few people can see the entire clusterfuck you are in currently. That doesn't mean it's all bad and hopeless but it takes time to untangle it and in the end you will be the main force that fixes it. We just give a little helping hand here and there. When are you returning, dear wizard? I could use your guidance through this tangled clusterfuck into realignment.

>>476 What kind of help. This looks like your own personal Arhat level trial, it's hard for someone else to help you here.

>>482 Even they've got some sussy shit on their page. No thanks.

>>483 Arhat level trial? Feels like there's some negative miasma surrounding my heart and third eye and I don't know how to navigate around it.

>>487 The first major test, like bodhidharma. It may be like a threshold thing where if you make the breakthrough, you can then easily overpower that merchant and anything else attached to "emotion". It's hard to tell someone else how to do this, because it may lead you wrong and make it so that you can't do it if the advice is bad. Not knowing anything at all I'd say you should aim to do this thing "once and for all" by preparing until you can see before yourself how your mind is cleared by just removing this one thing, gather all the negativity into a single point and then destroying it there. Sitting meditation may help, or asking for some guidance from a deity of your choice. If that's your thing you may as well as some well known demon like Belial, they all know how to do these things, but it's up to you and your own inner nature which path you should pick here.

>>487 >egative miasma surrounding my heart and third eye and I don't know how to navigate around it. Just don't. Brute force through it and destroy it.

>>488 >gather all the negativity into a single point and then destroying it there. That's the thing. I can't figure out how to destroy it in an intuitively convincing way that my heart feels is succinct, because it can just mentally respawn the image to start all over again.

>>491 >it can just mentally respawn the image to start all over again If you are able to understand what I'm saying, try this: Assume preferred position, can be lotus or any other, even standing. (I prefer sitting in lotus, lying on my back or standing with palms pressed together before my chest) Gather a positive mental context; see yourself in the state after you have already defeated the negativity, feel inside what you will be like, what your abilities will be. While staying in this image, look at the negative image, then "say" to it >I will press you down, you will not get back up again firmly. Then focus strong mental intent on making this real. One way of looking at it can be to think about the negativity like a beach ball. You press it between your hands, then press it down under the water surface. It will keep trying to float up again. Press it down and then get up and stand on it, let your entire gravity be projected through your hands down on the ball of negativity, then stand on it and balance there with strong intent. Maintain here for what feels like "too long", it can take 10, 20 min of intense focus. When you forget what you were trying to do, suddenly the ball will sink, and you experience an "explosion" where it's destroyed. Then you're through.

>>492 I will put a guiding spellform here on this post, get it from the sigil {sink the ball} and it should show you how it's done.

>>493 When standing on the ball I can feel it shifting and floating back up to the surface, rocking me off of it. Feels like an inability to psychically deal with the negative influence, like resisting it gives it power over me and the more I try to fight it the more futile my efforts become. From what I feel, my heart got tense over some anon I've been trying to demanifest or wish off the /x/ board, and the first thread where I felt I had the opportunity to do so something about it some paranoid retard kept interjecting no matter what I said and I got the visual impression of some entity constantly blocking my heart's efforts to overcome it.

>>495 Try doing extended practice before you attempt it, and see if you can balance longer while in control. At a certain point it will work, in some way of doing this. I'd recommend getting a spiritual aid though, I use them all the time. If for example summoning Belial for this, I'd do the ritual as much as possible according to instruction (but if it says it has to be done at full moon or on may 6 and it isn't full moon or may 6, I just ignore that part and do what I can, just replace each element with something of similar meaning) then phrase the request for contact as a contract for the session: >I want spiritual guidance to pass this test >I want you to hold me firmly around the waist so I don't fall off the ball >then help me overcome this so that the achievement is my own when it's finished >as I ascend in my spiritual transformation as a result of your aid, there will be positive energy produced >you will have your fair share of this energy, corresponding to the % to which you helped me >the contract is finished after the session and we do not have any further obligations towards each other after this point They always accept contracts like this if they are worded right.

>>496 Kinda antsy on requesting demonic help given my stipulations over hell or soul-selling. Had a rough patch in asking for help only for something else to go wrong elsewhere. Any other sorts of entities to ask help for?

>>497 Lemegeton isn't all demons, some of them are arch angels or djinn. But actually, before when reading the book of revelation, there was something I didn't understand, so I tried calling for the author of the text to get him to explain it. He showed up. There are a lot of entities behind the bible, anyone mentioned can be called on. Some may be archetypes for a type of being perhaps, but in general if they're named, they can be summoned. (The lemegeton will help you with some of them by explaining how to do this in more detail, treat it as an appendix to the bible instead of "le evil demon book")

>>492 >>496 >>498 And this destroys whatever sort of repressed fear I'm holding back from manifesting but actually ends up preventing me from sleeping?

>>482 >When are you returning, dear wizard? Was busy nowadays. >>497 >Any other sorts of entities to ask help for? There are a millions. If you want to stay christian ask for Jesus or Archangel Michael. Michael is a bro. Would recommend. Otherwise you can ask Krishna Vishnu Shiva or whatever. Personally I never asked for Shiva but he is tutoring me for quite the while. He just appeared and decided to help on his own. You can ask for Mary too if you want motherly protection or some saints if you like any of them. Maybe some pagan gods. There are a million. Modern humans can use pantheons so large it's incredible. Also you worked with Saturn already. Ask for some roman or greek gods then. >>499 >sort of repressed fear I'm holding back from manifesting but actually ends up preventing me from sleeping? Yeah that happens sometimes. Instead of consciously experiencing the fear your body just tenses and unable to go limp for the sleep mechanisms overtake your body. It means you are probably anxious now. Anxiety is an another type of fear. Hope your situation improved since your post. >>483 Also he is right. You are going through an awakening process because your way of doing magic was too mundane too bound to material methods and they need to go or you will go >>428 >to hell for taking too much DXM Try to talk to that God. He might be a good influence. If he knows the way to hell he surely knows the way of heaven too. The arhat trial is about that anyways. Understanding the first steps towards heaven.

>>469 This also works wonders

>>425 >The energies you are combating are way too formless and without understanding formlessness and the element of 'nothing' you have no way going forward. Feels more like a mental model of "anti-energy" that resists or cancels whatever energy I'm sending it from the heart, but ever since I de-recognized the merchant as an untouchable visual symbol for it, it's starting to go into remission. Hope it's not too much of an ask to read if there's still that blockage in my heart or third eye, since my memories are still desynchronized with their respective vibes and timeframes to where certain memories appear as they are without any respective dates (if fuzzy), or stuff that should be familiar to me feels new and alien. Probably as a result of brute-forcing immersion into them to escape, but surely this isn't permanent nor irreversible? >>504 >You are going through an awakening process because your way of doing magic was too mundane too bound to material methods and they need to go or you will go What? But manifestation/law of attraction was perfectly internal and immaterial, as was astral projection on dextromethorphan. I was also going to ask you on advice on dealing with formless energies and combatting them as well, as I'm gaining more progress on >>492. Planning on a real strong trip tomorrow during the eclipse. I intend on remaining and regaining my full cognition and divine abilities, though I could use some more pointers.

>>507 >But manifestation/law of attraction was perfectly internal and immaterial If it was perfectly internal and immaterial you would have a feel already how to use move and polarize >formless energies >as was astral projection on dextromethorphan The problem with this is that your body dislodges energy via chemical imbalance therefore it does not know how to reintegrate energy into it as a reflex. Imagine moving an arm so far and in such a wrong angle it dislodges and breaks. While a yogi could move his body in unnatural ways due his practice. This applies to astral projection and to the energy body. You disconnected and misaligned some parts of your subconscious. Now it returned but due to the energies being moved too hastily they needed time before some parts of your mind unclog. >stuff that should be familiar to me feels new and alien Yes you are reconnecting them. This is a sort of "new" (You). It is like reexperiencing them from a new way or connection. >Probably as a result of brute-forcing immersion into them to escape Yes you see it well. Do not escape into the past. Treat it as a reminder and strive for the future while be in the present as much you can be. >but surely this isn't permanent nor irreversible it's fading already. Just don't stress too much on it. >Hope it's not too much of an ask to read if there's still that blockage in my heart or third eye It's not exactly a "blockage" but more like a dark wet mist that blocks your view. >Planning on a real strong trip tomorrow during the eclipse Do what you feel like. I am not familiar with drugs and every type of drug grants different boons and curses. Also my country will not undergo an eclipse therefore I cannot synchronize with that event well. >I intend on remaining and regaining my full cognition and divine abilities Then do so. Let no one dare to stop you. >I could use some more pointers. Be brave and do not falter. >>506 >but I request you remove them from me and take it as a sacrifice I managed to develop a closer connection with Amitābha in the last days so I will try my best. Did several things. Lay down and let it apply. Feel the change applying. Can't say more. Amitābha

>>504 >Instead of consciously experiencing the fear your body just tenses and unable to go limp for the sleep mechanisms overtake your body. It means you are probably anxious now. Anxiety is an another type of fear. Hope your situation improved since your post. A small bit, was able to get my posts through with mere intent alone when I was at my most disbelieving. It's a rudimentary form of manifestation, but there's marginally less of a blockage around my third eye. I'll lay down and try to sleep, but then my heart rate starts jacking up and beating furiously, and I can't really do much but writhe around for a little or get up and be active for a little before trying again. It came about from the concentrated anger I felt at that namefag "Sleeper Agent" as of last month and the futility of making that hate energy land in a satisfying way through visualization, and it formed some sort of intangible field that negated and compressed my efforts, baffling my mind into silence as I felt word futile but action imperative to deal with him. >Try to talk to that God. He might be a good influence. Been two years since then, though life hasn't completely went upwards since. >You are going through an awakening process Doesn't feel like it, given my memories are still detached and alien from me in a way I can't precisely define; almost as if I've been divorced from my initial timeline where my senses, emotion, thought and word are misaligned. Either it's the limiting beliefs and maxims (Proverbs 24:17-18 when dunking on the evil I demanifested) that cast doubt upon my intention and morality (in conjunction with the increasingly desperate and hackneyed measures I took that only worsened fears) that begat such psychic constraints, the increasing monotony and staleness among my internet experience as places I enjoyed became less hospitable and times increasingly darkening as a result of inquiring saturn's help (in reality to further /pol/'s anti-israel shit behind the scenes so as to help them along). >>509 >If it was perfectly internal and immaterial you would have a feel already how to use move and polarize Perhaps, in a way that I can't articulate with the vocabulary I have now. >Yes you see it well. Do not escape into the past. Treat it as a reminder and strive for the future while be in the present as much you can be. Not an escape into the past so much as a treasure hall of beloved and remarkable sentiments alongside a frame of reference on how I was or should've been at my most operational (i.e start of 2022) or a journal on life's progress and all the steps that brought me here to now. Perhaps I'm describing a greater concept that encompasses memory - that of which I fear is lost on me, never to return (at least in the form it was most beneficial to me). Being able to remember the gift of an agile, gifted silver tongue and rich, vivid inner world untainted by crude, hideous caricatures prominent in primitive identity-tribalist boards lacking in nuance on metacognitively deficient sites is a boon (though not one I can currently work), and I'd like to be able to restore my full integrity independant of /pol/ or /x/. Being community-starved for engagement is pure hell.

>>510 Marginally better since I was able to sleep to some Astral Projection audio, there were themes of surmounting evil trying to bring me down, but I could still use some help removing any leftover negativity or stagnation inhibiting my spontaneity and multifaceted, diverse range of interests and weird, creative imagination. Not quite feeling like myself prior to Feb. 13th.

>>546 Meant for >>509

>>546 Sorry dude but the cleansing I did was more heavy than I expected and took me half a day and because the eclipse energies many of my workings got overcharged. I need a little break from these long distance cleansing for a while. But I can give some comments now >there were themes of surmounting evil trying to bring me down You have to understand that no matter what. What I did was trying to help you awaken and realize that power. If you go back limp and fall into the darkness then it will be all for naught. Get in touch with your inner strength. >but I could still use some help removing any leftover negativity or stagnation Later. I got quite the energy overload from negative energies and I need to figure out what is what on my side. I am not an all purpose toilet cleaner. >my spontaneity and multifaceted, diverse range of interests and weird, creative imagination You see these things are deep within you and you know these things well while I don't. This is a side of you that I do not know at all. If you posted some of your artworks or life experiences where your spontaneity soared I would be able to locate what you are looking but otherwise it's hard to see everything at first glance. >diverse range of interests and weird, creative imagination Not to mention these interests are not always our "inner truth" but mere inspirations from the environment. "Creativity" is not always coming from "nothing" sometimes you get inspired from artworks or themes or connect to a mental current in the idea plane that guides your mind and hand to create the uncreated manifest the unmanifested and if you are not willing to go deep within to figure out when and where did your creativity and interests appear it is hard to locate it. Knowing a person's thoughts and feelings that deeply takes years or lifetimes sometimes. I am still a training psychic and not an omniscient god. You too need to give me some pointers to even have a hunch or an inspiration for a way to help >Not quite feeling like myself prior to Feb. 13th. You won't. You will go and realize a "new (You)" a new force a new unfaltering persona that can do his own shit and is able to realize the wisdom to move forward on the path. You can do it you just need to clench your teeth and buttcheeks and get to it. This is your journey. You can blogpost in this thread if you absolutely have no idea what to do like writing notes to figure out your own problems but there is a time where you need to stand up and walk for yourself. I burned through more obstacles than I thought I need was not even sure if I should do that because it might even obstruct your growth. Asked Amitābha and he said >there is no need to give further instructions Try to feel what is within and try to go beyond the negative feelings in any way and feel your light and try to understand how it grows.

>>548 >If you posted some of your artworks or life experiences where your spontaneity soared I would be able to locate what you are looking but otherwise it's hard to see everything at first glance. I don't feel exactly comfortable posting my work here, but it's inspired by towergirls, madness combat, kawaiik, and vanripper, from early newgrounds stuff and some to tumblr-adjacent early deviantart stuff from the 2000s like nanquest/rubyquest. Very flash-like. It's very hard to even vaguely define it since it feels like a fleeting memory, but my artistic inspiration, albeit a very personal and inextricable facet of my personality, is but a single facet of my being, along with spontaneity. Visualizing renditions of my own artwork that eclipse my skill was a driving motivation, and my manic energy a most beloved thing. That chart between ADHD/Autism/Giftedness up there summarizes my state of being a little more thoroughly, with me being more in the gifted circle than the other two, but having all its overlaps.

>>548 >You too need to give me some pointers to even have a hunch or an inspiration for a way to help My third eye/heart are the two areas to look in, as they seem to have that formless miasma of "difficulty", or an impermeable darkness that interrupts and frustrates any and all attempts to cut through and dissect it for what it is and troubleshoot the error. It's a kind of weakness that doesn't permit any real mental movement. No immersing myself in the videos I watch or topics I read and deriving inspiration from it, just an empty, restless void demanding further engagement from an environment it feels meaningless; be it online or offline.

>>548 >You won't. You will go and realize a "new (You)" a new force a new unfaltering persona that can do his own shit and is able to realize the wisdom to move forward on the path. You can do it you just need to clench your teeth and buttcheeks and get to it. I need the contents of my third eye prior to March 10th back - memories, impressions, schema, imagination, practically my pneuma and/or soul. Without it, I haven't any place in the world. I don't even know what's precisely wrong with me, let alone how to piece it together.

The most distressing element is that the mind still features a lot of vast, intricate elements in my vivid dreams, yet accurately recalling them has became a chore given the recent lack of fatigue I have towards finding the right words to describe them, which tires my brain out faster than it should, yet enrages the heart to continue until all has been said. This wasn't an issue before March, which only intrigues me as to what happened to my mind that fucked up so horribly that I am unable to perceive even a glimpse of, let alone the full extent. Perhaps my fears of cognitive decline were a self-fulfilling prophecy, because I can barely find the right words to succintly describe just what it is that I'm going through. The matter probably might not even necessarily be a cleansing, so much as a reactivation and reconnection of my upper four chakras. First it was a feeling of disconnection from my timeline of life events and memories accurately recounted to the precise date, with music and specific situations serving as reference points to reflect upon and retrace my steps from, gradually it became a fear of revisiting those old memories without inadvertantly corrupting them with this undefinable mental slog that churned my thoughts into mush. Life has taken on a duller, more infuriatingly unfulfilling and vapid turn as I struggle to recall the exact state I started this year off while my overall internet experience and youtube feed has devolved into a redundant and less varied repertoire of the same content. I don't feel as if I've that same clarity I once enjoyed, nor the ability to manifest change like not too long ago.

>>563 I will get back to you later because I am quite busy nowadays and I don't have enough spare attention to focus on your issue without accidentally making it worse but your current problem is that you are energetically "constipated". Your chakras are not "disconnected" but some of your pathways are full with a minor amount of clogged energy that you are unable to flush out because you don't know how your inner meridians operate. I figured out a way to boost your inner flow a little but but thx to the fact that you are a substance abuser deadset on reliving the past and your "giftedness" and most importantly you are not even willing to help me so I can pinpoint where is your spark located >>552 >I don't feel exactly comfortable posting my work here because you are too shy or embarrassed to express yourself it takes me time to figure out where you fucked up exactly. >I don't feel as if I've that same clarity I once enjoyed, nor the ability to manifest change like not too long ago. Yes because your "gift" is not for cursing people and messing with energies you don't understand and now your "gift" has a small coating of shit on it so is your "treasure library". You see "emotions" are a sort of energy/hormones/drugs that the body generates and because you clogged your channels with an awful amount of energetic mismanagement it takes time so they realign. I figured out a way but I need to understand your issue further and I need to mentally and emotionally prepare for this absolute "fool's errand" of helping you because currently you can be fixed with either a minor nudge in the right direction or with a life altering tragedy that snaps you out of it. Obv I am aiming at the minor nudge that will result in your further awakening instead of a series of NDE events playing out. >nor the ability to manifest change like not too long ago Do not even try to manifest ANYTHING outside of you own well being. Manifesting events requires excess energy and if you do it while lacking energies you just make things worse. And to manifest "change" you have to understand the current state of things and understand the flow. Change happens all the time. The trick is understanding how the flow works. Will report back later if nothing improves on it's own. If you want to speed it up either try to write down your "spark" WITH YOUR OWN WORDS or creations and do not give me charts or references made by others and posts about your nemesis... or you know... you could go and live your life do some things outside the internet and rediscover yourself. I am not saying "touch grass" because that is not enough but do something that generates energies and emotions that can surpass your previous experiences. But guess that is too much to ask so I will return with recharged and well aligned energies and try to figure out what to do. I do not know in what tone you read this because I am becoming annoyed not just by your inability but in mine too because this should be "simple" to fix but if someone is not willing to improve on it's own it takes quite the amount of workarounds to fix things. Oh and don't tell me you would do it if you could because I know that you are "trying" but for some reason you do it in the wrong way and in the wrong directions and it takes me quite the time to figure out further why are you on Neophyte level -2 I can feel you are improving but for some reason you are unable to make a breakthrough. And I am not sure if abandoning you would help more or I should figure out an extremely specific way of helping you in my free time. Sent you a minor fix nonetheless but your meridians are so dirty with minor nuisances I am not sure if you will even feel it. >>428 >what I felt was "God" threatening to send me to hell for taking too much DXM For some reason whenever I try to think up a solution this sentence always echoes in my mind. If "God" was unable to convince you about the effects of doing spirituality in the wrong way then how will I do that myself? Will you become wiser or I have to surpass "God"? Which will happen first?

>>564 >substance abuser deadset on reliving the past and your "giftedness" and most importantly you are not even willing to help me so I can pinpoint where is your spark located Not so much about reliving the past, but connecting that emotional continuum to my present, or being able to access my full memory and timeline of events without fear of corroding them with shit I got infested with within the previous month or two. February 13th was the beginning of where I fucked up, as I had felt that I had mentally reduced myself to the complexity of my father and had made myself dumber and less articulate, March 4th is when that energetic flow got condensed and stuck in my heart, and March 10th was the start of the happy merchant shit which lead to the 15th when I feared the onset of (further) cognitive decline and disconnect from my hyperanalytic, articulate and sometimes critical mind and passionate, firey and emotional range. >and posts about your nemesis Shit, demanifesting him was my entire goal. I've expended enough time and energy gatekeeping him from /x/, yet I can still remember some of his key phrases and seeing a post this recent of him flared up the part of me that requires his total demanifestation in order to attain closure though by constantly comparing and contrasting the belief structure I had with his twisted, repetitive and insufferable conjecture it feels as if I might've entangled some part of myself with them. Ruining the concept of a spiritual sci-fi future, divine machinery/artificial intelligence, and other adjacent concepts. I can't tell if there's some sort of psychic or emotional trigger behind it, and even if typing this is a risk, I'll still do it to get it off of my chest, because I don't want to see another post of his made after March in the archives or any thread. His presence is that of pestilence and ostentatious theatrics, neither of which hold any place on even a festering carcass of a board. >most importantly you are not even willing to help me so I can pinpoint where is your spark located The mind/heart axis would be my suggestion.

>>564 >And I am not sure if abandoning you would help more or I should figure out an extremely specific way of helping you in my free time. Do come up with a way to help me. I've been attempting to settle myself down so as to sleep properly and take in the environment around me and form memories, despite the lack of any inspiration or engaging experiences. >Which will happen first? I believe you'll reach me first. Also, dextromethorphan was a way to reach other planes and states I wouldn't otherwise to view life from a perspective I wouldn't otherwise consider, though I trust in you to make the breakthrough and repair what I fear was broken in me. Sorry for the annoyance (or rementioning a post of my quarry), but it's hard to pinpoint where my spark was found. I was always a creative, imaginative spirit whose inspirations were from the early days of the internet, in the more obscure and information rich areas. Always loved existential themes, space, guns, drawing, and even altered states as well as the origin/source of creation. Ever since I read that high-octane nightmare fuel page on tvtropes and got the idea of time/universe ending and restarting, that's when I first felt a sense of existing in something finite, and contained, for lack of a better explanation. I always had a sense of meta-existence, or accessing memories categorized by the year, month and day they occurred in.

>>568 >Not so much about reliving the past, but connecting that emotional continuum to my present That literally means reliving the past. I know what you are meaning so let me tell you something which happened to me. While my awakening was going on a higher octane I have seen all my important memories starting to burn and the energy turning into a force that can fire up the awakening process. I thought I am deleting all my memories with that. It turned out those memories contained quite the large energy blobs that had to be moved because their inaction caused the appearance of energy blocks. I thought I am forgetting everything but after the breakthrough happened instead of being able to perceive a sort of "memory trophy room" with deprecating and dusty "treasures" I could witness my life frame by frame as if I watch and rewind a movie on my laptop. And with every frame I could witness not just my own energies of that interaction but energies that I was unable to decipher with my young awareness. Even the wizard in that AWA thread said that the mind is not that "fallible". Currently you are not exactly losing your memories but there is a "mental palace" in your head that is covered with a thin layer of shit and as you try to "clean it" you just smear the shit all over and this makes you fearful that your memories will be gone. Your memories are not "gone" but their "mere imitation" is becoming temporarily hazy. Finding the "eternal mind" is the most important step on the path. >without fear of corroding them with shit The problem is not that it's coated with shit but that FEAR of yours is making you have a shaky and unsure energetic formation and the fear is more damaging than the foreign energy itself. Fear makes people either constipated aka "shy poopers" or they literally shit themselves randomly. Your meridians are somewhat contracted because of it and your energies are unable to flow because of the fear anxiety and other types of paranoia and unsureness. >the beginning of where I fucked up, as I had felt that I had mentally reduced myself to the complexity of my father and had made myself dumber and less articulate Now this will be hard to explain but I will try. You became your father. Or more akin shifted into his mindset. Your father and mother is within you because they were around you when you had minimal awareness therefore they molded you as much as they can both passively and actively. You will have to reconnect with your father's psyche consciously AND THE MOST IMPORTANT PART try to reconnect to yourself from your fathers perspective. AKA you give BIRTH to yourself. If you have a mother you can use her perception too. Very few people can use this meta perspective change and are trapped in their ego forever but because you shifted your mind into your father you will have to find the common ground you and your father have reach a consensus and shift back. Try to find the moments in your life where you agreed and liked your father. Try to figure out the way to access your connection. I know you have one. If it doesn't work then you will have to go to your dad and beg and cry in front of him and tell him he was right and you were wrong. Do you know what is happening now? Partially you are your own father now and you are literally DENYING your skillsets because that is a part of you your father is unable to reach. In buddhism there is a term called Upaya. That is a sort of educational cleverness being able to make actions that results in the awakening of the student. That art infuses the enlightened energies into the correct actions. With that the words thoughts movements and actions become a sort of self fulfilling spell/prophecy where the student understand what is impossible to explain with words. This is what I am practicing but I am far from a master yet. Now your problem is that your "autism" for these words actually have the opposite effect. While your dictionary is very wide those words can be understood be very few people. While I am able to figure out what they mean from context and the energies they emanate from your posts I too had to look up some just to make sure I do not misunderstand you. The importance of the words is to be able to connect with others. Just to sound smart pedantic or for a self perceived "intellectual superiority" is meaningless. If others cannot understand you then you could make animal noises or speak foreign languages with the same results as talking with obscure words. Sometimes the intonation and the emotional loading of words is more important than the way you pronounce it. If you put enough meaning into your expression it will reach others no matter what. My current problem is that I know my posts are too long and that just makes people glance over things without them realizing some truths by themselves. Truth cannot be explained via words or it can be explained only with infinite amount of words. But once a connection is established the amount of words do not matter anymore. Do not fear to be your father. Become your father and reach yourself from his view. It happened before. Your parents gave birth to you then raised you. With this you reconnect to your "real past" and not just to that "trophy room" in your mindspace. It's not the destination but the journey. Your memories have foundations a pathway how you got there. Rediscovering that pathway will open up your mind. >made myself dumber What you need is wisdom and not "academic excellence". Those who have academic positions are the worst intellectual masturbators ever that lose all their stature and "power" once they step out of their "safe space". In spirituality wisdom is more important than intelligence because wisdom can be applied in many places while intelligence usually able to solve a certain set of problems and after that it becomes redundant. Understand how you can connect yourself within and once you let go of the attachment of these "big words" you will be able to effortlessly retain them. There is an energetic block there made from a sort of inaction. Hard to pinpoint what causes it. >I feared the onset of (further) cognitive decline and disconnect from my hyperanalytic, articulate and sometimes critical mind and passionate, firey and emotional range. While these cognitive skills are a real blessing that even the Buddhists acknowledge as important as being able to find a real Buddha in the living life... in the end this is not our "core" not our real ability that will ascend. It's just a mere way to channel and formulate energies within the body. It can be awakened and in the end you have to understand to not use your "mind" for everything because some things are inconceivable that way. >when that energetic flow got condensed and stuck in my heart Yeah that is your "constipation". >Shit, demanifesting him was my entire goal To "demanifest" something you have to take in all their guiding/operating energies... No wonder you are this misaligned. You partially merged with one of his worst aspects that everyone threw shit at on /x/ because he was that insufferable. Whatever these energies are mostly over but srsly never do this again. You are not good at this kind of "warfare". >in order to attain closure Why do you even need this "closure". Do you need it as a milestone in your life to move on? What even prompted this idea that you need a closure. You were willing to die for this "closure" and now you are unable to accept it's consequences.

>as if I might've entangled some part of myself with them You did but I do not understand why. What kind of dark obsession you felt towards him or why you considered him "worthy" to be your nemesis. /x/ has retards like him every year. This is why I usually ignore that place. Was he your first? Guess I am too used to retards like him. I know you mentioned he was like you then he became your opposite side but were you this thirsty for a person that is similar to you? Was this the reason you were unable to let go? >Ruining the concept of a spiritual sci-fi future, divine machinery/artificial intelligence, and other adjacent concepts Hope you realize if a "divine" concept can be ruined or besmirched in any way it was not divine to begin with. Superficial divinity and real divinity are wholly different things. Many occultists fell from grace for mistaking apparent truth and false divinity for the real thing. This is why it's important to know the true depth of every issue. Otherwise it either rots and crumbles or explodes in your face. >I can't tell if there's some sort of psychic or emotional trigger behind it, and even if typing this is a risk, I'll still do it to get it off of my chest What you need is to flush out these energies. But if you intake these shitty energies again then you are back where you started. This is why I said try to get off the internet and interact with other energies. That way this will be flushed out. Get it off your chest but fix your obsession because it does not help at all. Obsession is about willfully consuming and keeping in negative energies. Until an organ failure appears and you are unable to stay obsessed. >neither of which hold any place on even a festering carcass of a board. I do not understand why did you go to these lengths for a board that not even you hold in a high regard. If you are willing to die for /x/ will /x/ save or congratulate you for that achievement? Was it worth it? What is the closure you desire. Death is quite the closure you see. Many think that is the end and there is nothing after it. Some people cannot accept the "happily lived ever after" and the cliffhangers as a closure. This is why they are trapped forever. >The mind/heart axis would be my suggestion. ... That is like telling me to look at the programming or the hardware of the PC to figure out what is the problem... The heart is your "soul" and the mind is the "psyche" which is something even occultists mix up. Currently that place is working but it's constipated. You are an anxious "shy pooper" and unable to let your energies flow. Your heart meridians contracted from all the hate of this crusade against the schizo while your psyche merged with your dad's and you are denying yourself. The heart/chest contracts if you act upon hate. And the mind when you stop "being yourself" or it is too exhausted. Whatever. Yesterday I found out you have a loading mechanism in your solar plexus and figured out how to retune it so it can "load" energies into you in a way that the inner clogs are slowly breaking apart. If you managed to give me an actual piece of creative spark from yourself instead of this hate I would be able to tune to that frequency but again you gave me a "location". I am already seeing your dirty meridians but your energy centers are so contracted pulling out a spark that you were still unable to express to me takes time. I can merely "guess" the correct tuning of your energies so you can become yourself this way. The energy is not within your "flesh" nor in your "energy body" because you are blocking it. Do you have any idea how many energy types humans generate? If you see a hobo on the street can you see how great they were in their prime? Ofc you cannot. For that they have to show their greatness first otherwise you just ignore them as an another loser on the street. What I "cleansed" was an abnormal amount of energy you created that literally engulfed your whole being. Now you are like a washed out corpse. Until you figure out how to exhibit the "real you" again it takes time for you to reappear. Not that you are gone you are just not able to put the proper amount of pressure on your meridians. >>570 >dextromethorphan was a way to reach other planes and states I wouldn't otherwise to view life from a perspective I wouldn't otherwise consider The problem was not that you used drugs to achieve the result but the fact that you are unable to reach the result without drugs. I read about some shamanistic tradition where shamans were able to teach their people to the ways easily but once an outsider mundane tried to get initiated he needed drugs to make a breakthrough. He thought that path is a drug induced one but the shamans told him the drugs are for absolute blockheads. Every sane person has enough sensitivity into these things otherwise. "God" didn't tell you taking DXM is bad. He told you "taking too much" is bad. While you experience altered states of consciousness your metabolism is an absolute panic mode for not doing what to do at all. It can leave lasting damages and the most retarded kind of unproductive psychosis. It creates the wrong reflexes. Found a hell dimension where drug addicts go when their mind gets absolutely unbalanced. Will ask about some details but I need to stabilize myself more first. To help your mismanaged mind I need to achieve your broken state so I can feel and pinpoint your problems. Hope I will see your light and it will be worth it. The fact that you are this much not willing to show me your light on your own shows just how deep you buried it. Those with their light abundant are not afraid to show it. They know it's everlasting. Only those with false light safeguard it because they do not understand their own light at all. >got the idea of time/universe ending and restarting, that's when I first felt a sense of existing in something finite, and contained, for lack of a better explanation ... If something "ends" then "restarts" that is quite the infinite thing if it all the time "restarts". We call those movements cycles. The cyclic nature of the universe. Just because you blink you do not become blind forever. That restart is usually a clean up procedure. This is why death is needed so the hubris we collected can be burned off. >I always had a sense of meta-existence Wish you were able to finally go back to it on your own instead of obsessing over this material and cyberspace bound retardation of yours. >or accessing memories categorized by the year, month and day they occurred in. That is a nice skill but "calendars" are a human construct. This is an absolutely saturnian skill and you managed to shit up the saturnian current within your mind. This is what happens when people see only the death and the dirt aspect of saturn and unable to rise above like plants do every spring. >I was always a creative, imaginative spirit whose inspirations were from the early days of the internet, in the more obscure and information rich areas. Always loved existential themes, space, guns, drawing, and even altered states as well as the origin/source of creation Yeah that is literally every poster who posts on fringe. And 40% of the people who browse the chans. Whatever this helped a little. You managed to shift into your childhood self while writing this. That childhood self will need to grow up and give back hope to this "adult" who curses people on the internet instead of making the internet into the information rich place he likes so much. This is why using magic for mundane problems is always discouraged. Especially while you are still unaware of the underlying mechanics and the consequences.

>>574 >Why do you even need this "closure". Do you need it as a milestone in your life to move on? What even prompted this idea that you need a closure. You were willing to die for this "closure" and now you are unable to accept it's consequences. He was a "tiny" stumbling block that offset my entire belief system as I had psychologically geared myself towards dissecting and rebuking his entire belief set from my perspective so as to invalidate it and prevent my subconscious from taking it in, yet that same part of me that drank from the waters of madness found his bile too appealing to refuse (and that I was convinced that his presence is simply a bad omen, as my shit got hacked when I was fuming about him while gaming one year, month and day ago). >What you need is wisdom and not "academic excellence". Those who have academic positions are the worst intellectual masturbators ever that lose all their stature and "power" once they step out of their "safe space". In spirituality wisdom is more important than intelligence because wisdom can be applied in many places while intelligence usually able to solve a certain set of problems and after that it becomes redundant. Understand how you can connect yourself within and once you let go of the attachment of these "big words" you will be able to effortlessly retain them. There is an energetic block there made from a sort of inaction. Hard to pinpoint what causes it. I wasn't particularly excellent in academic knowledge, so much as having a vibrant and advanced vocabulary for my age which gave way to grasping and understanding complex, abstract concepts. Now, even attempting to navigate this discussion or parse some of the concepts here is a bit of a chore. That vocabulary as with my ability to notice similarities between completely unrelated things and create something anew from them was always inherent. >I do not understand why did you go to these lengths for a board that not even you hold in a high regard. If you are willing to die for /x/ will /x/ save or congratulate you for that achievement? Was it worth it? What is the closure you desire. Death is quite the closure you see. Many think that is the end and there is nothing after it. Some people cannot accept the "happily lived ever after" and the cliffhangers as a closure. This is why they are trapped forever. >I know you mentioned he was like you then he became your opposite side but were you this thirsty for a person that is similar to you? Was this the reason you were unable to let go? Closure to me is little more than wiping him off of /x/ for good, it's about locating exactly where the connection with him lies, disentangling myself from it, cleansing all concepts and beliefs he tainted and deleting him for good. I recognized him more as a persistent, personal problem that needed resolution lest it balloon into something much worse. Had a person like that before in 2022, a satanic sociopath that I should've never given any of my information to, let alone my number, as with a browser hijacker four years prior. Granted, those issues came to pass (although my computer still has a hidden rootkit or two, I try not to fuss over it until I can manage to have it properly resolved) even if I needed assistance from /x/ on it. >You became your father. Or more akin shifted into his mindset. Your father and mother is within you because they were around you when you had minimal awareness therefore they molded you as much as they can both passively and actively. You will have to reconnect with your father's psyche consciously AND THE MOST IMPORTANT PART try to reconnect to yourself from your fathers perspective. AKA you give BIRTH to yourself. If you have a mother you can use her perception too. Very few people can use this meta perspective change and are trapped in their ego forever but because you shifted your mind into your father you will have to find the common ground you and your father have reach a consensus and shift back. Try to find the moments in your life where you agreed and liked your father. Looking back, it seems like the 4-AcO-DMT entity noticed me struggling to summarize the type of paranoid, obsessive, MSM propaganda addicted, anti-psych personality that doesn't let go of past incidents that befits an americanized asian conservative father into neat rhymes, so it liquidated that portion of my mind. Do you mean to perceive myself from my father's perspective and attempt to rebuild from there? Because while I do tend towards my mother's perspective, mine is almost solely my own, and it's not something I think I can easily tap into with a word, image, phrase, etc. and I don't want to inadvertantly give my pops insight to those parts of me. >Do not fear to be your father. Become your father and reach yourself from his view. It happened before. Your parents gave birth to you then raised you. With this you reconnect to your "real past" and not just to that "trophy room" in your mindspace. It's not the destination but the journey. Your memories have foundations a pathway how you got there. Rediscovering that pathway will open up your mind. Not so much a trophy room, but something more complex and emotionally evocative than a film reel of past years and memories along with a line graph that roughly corresponds with the quality of life associated with that period. So far, it seems that things were (mostly) fine up until this March where I became "numb" or "detached". Hell, even accurately recollecting the sequence of events from even two days or a week back is a bit of a burden. Either I was seriously disinterested, or some other emotionally escapist need overtook it.

>>575 >I do not understand why did you go to these lengths for a board that not even you hold in a high regard. If you are willing to die for /x/ will /x/ save or congratulate you for that achievement? The goal from the start was to manifest sirlulzingtonesquire's message becoming more prevalent within the board in the hopes of shifting the culture towards a more concrete and unified stance against the antichrist/al-dajjal and perhaps foster more positivity and OC creation, and this absolute tardo who I saw as the antithesis of everything I stood for, yet appeared as a distorted iteration of this "schizophrenic" enlightenment through shitposting first appeared as an obstacle to this, but upon discovering that he is practically immune to reason he began appearing in threads I didn't want to encounter him within, and this is where my goal to bring love to the hateful and God to the godless diverted into eradicating his psychic connection to me, along with his presence on the board. I noticed he seemed to share the same emotional release I had when I cried after watching a Hisachi Ouchi documentary by wendigoon halfway through that year and that he retconned his "source mommy" beliefs to add in "le ebil source father" bullshit after rambling off on how nonsensical his metaphysical framework was much later, which tells me that he had some psychic connection to me. Once he's gone, I'd at least be able to rest a little better knowing that energy vampire can no longer commit astral espionage. Oh, and to retake that which he has stolen from me.

>>574 Little something on how my memories work: >Musically related, emotions evoked through song help set the tone and synesthetically link them to other memories >Webcomics, games, etc. I'm playing or other things I'm engrossed in or events happening are the setting >Thoughts and emotion as a sort of meta-commentary or annotations that influence the trajectory of my life path, or direction my life takes and state of being >Date and time used to narratively chronologize them in a timeline It's like a movie or film reel, but so far nothing past March has really set in any meaningful fashion. I feel those energy meridians might be "contracted" until the unwanted image of happy merchant and other ugliness associated with low-IQ, metacognitively disabled, idpol tribalist outrage addicts is removed so as to not poison my mind's well.

>>568 Fuck, he returned. Reason why I want him gone so bad is because I'm convinced that he's some sort of energy parasite attached to me that detects and reflects whatever emotional resonance I show like some doppelganger, but he's also an ostentatious hypocrite who also feeds off negativity. His repetitive keyphrases, keywords, and beliefs are mental viruses and even as shit as /x/ is, his posts give off a certain negative energy to them.

>>598 Yeah... This will be a hard one to explain. So most people have Anima and Animus forces within themselves. The highest form of Anima for the magician is similar to Sophia (wisdom) or the witch mother or it can take many forms. Your nemesis has the "death mother" that he preaches so much. It's not her final form but he is unworthy for her embrace so far so he is crying for help to attain her. Now about you. Your creativity. Your anima force is the "Muse". I found her once you mentioned your creative room with faces where you play out things and looked at some of the arts on newgrounds. Your way of constantly deleting things is annoying and if you keep doing this I will also abandon you btw. Now I cannot even reply to your posts correctly. Whatever. Found a tunnel of dark wet energies cowering energetic pathways/nerve connections. After going through them I found an entity that looked like Sadoko. She was your "corrupted" Muse. You see with your absolutely retarded "spellcasting" you managed to "merge" your Muse and his "death mother energies" and with that you "blocked him" for a short time while losing 90% of your "abilities" and because the connection point was 4chan you managed to leave your mind wide open for memetic influences. I found how the muse connects to your mind and a bunch of energy formations lying in a pond of "abyss materia" which was the ritual and what you consider the "looshfarming". I started slowly cleansing your Anima your muse and you finally figuring out what I wanted to hear >>596 and posting it showed me that the energies are slowly returning. Now the problem is that as I clean your Muse from this abyssal negativity your hold upon your Nemesis will weaken and he will appear in threads you will look at because this retarded temporal energetic connection aka "shared destiny" of yours. So now I can either keep cleaning your muse your abilities slowly return and the schizo posts whatever he wants until he finds the sought death mother or whatever he seeks (I did not look into his process so I am not sure about his path) or you go back intake his negative energies and become a stumbling block on his path while completely eroding your mind with that. In the latter action I will not help you. And you will have to tell me to stop cleansing your Muse because she is a nice soul that is not supposed to be treated like this. This is what I can say now. You are fucked from many directions and this is one important parts of yours that I found with no real help from yourself whatsoever. I know your obsession is taking a hold on you and you are unable to help it but seriously. Get a grip. People say how lucky Mozart was because he was born with his genius and was able to apply it since his youth because he was born into the perfect family for it. (While most talented people born in the wrong places and unable to use their talent most of their lives) But he died young and was buried in a mass grave because royal court drama. "Lucky" my ass. Muses are not protective entities. They are not for battle. If you want to lose her and yourself in the process go ahead. If not then stop with your crusade. Your "gift" is like a magic pen to materialize your expression and you are using it to put it into the butt of a deranged schizo so he is unable to poop over the internet. If you are unable to improve because of your stubborn retardation and your inability to share any useful information about your psyche then I am taking a break again to figure out your malfunction. You didn't even answer if you even tried to summon any entities or if you tried doing any energy work or any concrete thing about your progress. In these cases we need a status report to see if the other party is able to feel the change.

>>600 My apologies, I tend to be cagey about revealing anything about me on a site like this. That aside, I'll attempt to elucidate a few more things about my psyche as best as I can since I'm unable to mentally compile every last facet in comprehensive detail I normally would with my autism being back: >Synesthetic sense of date and time linking songs and albums to specific dates, people, etc. like a cross between a web and playlist. I can listen to songs published well before my birth and immerse myself in that environment and time period. Sometimes the setting I listen to these songs for the first time is the setting, and based on the genre or tone it can link with other songs or compliment them to form an emotional "palatte". >Deeper emotional resonation with other's emotions and mental states to where I can palpably feel it even though it isn't my own - this is what others would call being an "empath", though I've come to abhor that label given a certain personality whoring that label out despite their display of "empathy" being entirely performative and personal definition being "astral intent", which I've largely forgotten but remember as something predatory >A hyperanalytic and critical mind able to deconstruct beliefs, narratives, and personalities stemming from an upbringing of content critical on topics ranging from pop culture to less reputable popular personalities on the internet. Great for developing self awareness and deepening insight and understanding into domains others typically gloss over. Perhaps pattern recognition and being able to deduce the author based on their typing mannerisms ties into this. >hyperactive energy/divine mania, broad interests in many things from guns, literature, vidya, websites, personalities and drama, with knowledge ranging from surface, intermediate, to downright obsessive and passionate in some areas. This also partially covers my immense drive and persistence to see the end of any given objective no matter how trivial, as long as it's related to my interests. >ability to mentally revisit previous years, months and days like I'm still experiencing them (the weaning of which being the impetus behind my concerns of the wizard's "construct" in my psyche) >There is a deeper, almost subconscious sense of time, location, and setting that gives a kind of cinematic depth to things - an overarching sense that my psyche or state of being influences the world around around me, and my ability to influence it to a given degree and a metanarrative view on my life and even world events that underpins everything above - a film where I am the director and main character directing it while it's shooting, or perhaps an author writing their own story as they go along - perhaps it's related to the LoA or narrative magick, and while it's been able to get me out of shitty situations like past episodes of derealization in 2017 and 2020, I'm genuinely afraid of its efficacy to get me out of whatever it is now. (being able to take in the atmosphere), though mine can also incorporate works of fiction and even internally construed narratives begotten as a side product of whatever information catches my fancy into them as a side thing or archetypical in a prophetic sense of how things play out. Perhaps I'm using a lot of words to describe creative thinking and a vivid imagination able to assemble an "internal world" derived from elements of personal life and fictional works that inspire me. It's more akin to the "next step of human evolution" kind of high-functioning atypical autism with ADHD (as with a few mystic elements in the mix later which tied them together, but those are what I'm pining for.) Metacognition, lateral thinking, magical thinking, intuition and even ESP to some extent. >I started slowly cleansing your Anima your muse and you finally figuring out what I wanted to hear It's not that I'm intentionally withholding this information from you, it's that the part of my psyche that allows me to visualize such abstract concepts and the lexical precision necessary to do them justice isn't functioning properly which is why typing this out knowing the risk that what I'm communicating isn't precisely the concept I mean to articulate, let alone if you'd be able to understand it like I do. This muse of mine is also something of a hamingja, as I was informed - influencing fortune and happiness in addition to being just a muse, taking on more empathetic/sympathetic tones of those I feel "soft" and "gushy" towards. The reason for my crusade was that braggart not only my autistic hyper-reasoning brain or superconscious' growing outrage at the inane shit he was spewing overwriting or distorting the metaphysical framework I had came to an epiphany from and the sheer deceit and lack of self-awareness he displayed when I attempted to reason with and refute his beliefs to get him to critically evaluate them, but also taking a giant shit all over the genuinity and kindness that comes with the notion of empathy with his narcissistic self. While I personally didn't want to view it as a crusade so much as removing an ostensibly minor blockade to what I felt could've been a golden age of original content and a new chapter in the development of a board I've now come to loathe (yet still return to in lieu of my previous set of interests and ability to enjoy my time on the internet which I was initially afraid of losing to eternally crusading against this dipshit), Ritual gaming, or gaming with an intent to manifest an outcome has worked to some extent in this regard in removing a genuine psychopath from contact >Your nemesis has the "death mother" that he preaches so much. It's not her final form but he is unworthy for her embrace so far so he is crying for help to attain her. From what I've read, he seems to have established a connection from her and relishes in it, flaunting his warped and deranged conjecture as an objective truth under the guise of "subjective truth", tends to project to obscenely hypocritical extents to where he even outright accuses others of doing what he's doing. He's not wavered in the slightest >You didn't even answer if you even tried to summon any entities or if you tried doing any energy work or any concrete thing about your progress. Besides repeatedly attempting >>492 >>493, I've requested assistance from another anon to help remove that construct and unfuck my cognition, given that my fears of cognitive decline had been magnified by a previous synthetic shroom trip I had in late March when I noticed that I became detached from my emotions, memory, and cognitive ability to explain what the fuck's going on or what I'm feeling since he left it behind. Besides removing some crawlers, I'm hesitant on summoning entities >In these cases we need a status report to see if the other party is able to feel the change.

>>600 While I used to be a huge autist on various different topics or domains that'd catch my fancy, the biting precision and depths my reasoning skills afforded me when I go off on why something is shit is a viable defense mechanism I'd subconsciously use to keep myself from internalizing visual pathogens like happy merchant or other negative memetic influences from entering my mind, but once that got dumbed down following that trip (the one where I was telling off satan/cronos that I symbolically associated with my pops to regain my spirit and "voice" and I got caught up at the portion where I was denouncing his inability to let me just enjoy the high on my own based on his attachment to his paranoid and overly critical distrust of me at my fullest) I have significant difficulty in articulating complex issues I normally wouldn't have an issue with. On my first 4-AcO-DMT trip I synesthetically represented him as a small, black mandelbrot set with red fringes as a visual representation of the type of regressive, one-dimensional, close-minded conservative reagan-era boomer stereotype that only lives in the past and is slower to get onto or straight up refuses new things and visualized growth/progress/development as a counter-clockwise green spiral, with death/revertion/failure as a clockwise, black one. Looking back at that incident, I can only guess that it shut down my broad, developed and fluid lexical dexterity (hence the blue mandelbrot spiral with a black core descending inwards) and I lost the ability to chain alliteration, rhyme, wordplay and come up with anything remotely witty, insightful, or humorous since. Without the higher reasoning and education, I'd be less able to resist shitty and faulty reasoning on a conscious level, but I guess being less able to effectively communicate with my subconscious mind to convince it to discard or burn unwanted imagery and memetic viruses from gaining a foothold would've also been a side effect.

>>575 >Wish you were able to finally go back to it on your own instead of obsessing over this material and cyberspace bound retardation of yours. Honestly same, though giving into this crusade to get back at the freak who at the time I was convinced manifested some turk to hack my shit up (when in reality it might've been a combination of ruminating over a self-fulfilling prophecy borne of fear and some underlying moral stipulation that I "deserved" it since that part of me couldn't see past this obsequious "care bear" facade my nemesis put up despite being more than justified to trash him for his bullshit since I could've seen myself guilty on that same front if I skewed the facts plus it focused on his tone more) and the lengths I'd go to leading me to this because the alternative would've also set just as bad a precedent that the more persistent anon gets to influence the prevailing narrative on that board, though a brief, pensive consideration manifested just that I really don't know what to think anymore. One of the worst things I've picked up from the concept of the Law of Attraction is the subconscious mind being unable to comprehend negatives. It's like a pencil with no eraser - you can only create, but can't effectively erase. The concept of demanifestation (casually observing from a detached and neutral perspective) and how my subconscious takes it (neutral observation or not caring as permission) invalidating refusal as an effective means of aversion or demanifestation doesn't help me in any case. >This is what happens when people see only the death and the dirt aspect of saturn and unable to rise above like plants do every spring. Isn't Saturn also more rote, mechanical, thorough and precise like a machine as well?

Start of the year was fine up until the 20th when I remembered that fuck by what I hated about him, which my hateful compulsion lead me to check nobody general – and there he was. Said his "tendrils" had brought me there and that we were "called by the void". Incensed at him exerting this influence, I attempted to have him institutionalized and sever those tendrils that compelled me to check /x/ for any signs of him first thing I woke up, to no avail. My fear of letting this compulsion to lead this futile campaign to banish him from /x/ and severing his connection to my soul, lest he feel some twisted sense of victory at outlasting me and continue reflecting my emotional output as his own overtake my internet experience to be a miserable one fixated solely around consuming slop I can't even muster the emotional presence to digest has became my reality, and the sheer hate I had for that paranoid dipshit cockblocking and obstructing my one shot at accomplishing the end of this campaign laid the groundwork for what became my current situation – who I was prior to March 15th feels distant, like a cliff I've fallen off of or a massive wavelength of vibrant color being reduced to a paltry, flickering beam. It's unfair that the hypocritical mirror who can't see his own reflection remains unbreakable after all I've done after my one chance to accomplish this on May 9th of last year got tossed out the window. He's a twisted, bastardized reflection of my highest vibration and the resonation/accumulated wisdom that brought me to that point who only became an issue after I had finished dealing with the worst person in my entire life who required a literal act of divine intervention to remove and God willing lightning strikes twice in my favor.

Let's see if this works then. I'm trying to meme this anyway, this is specifically against' energy vampires.

Very odd dream I had last night, significant part that I can remember was sharing a bed with this sorta anemic creep my age who was weirdly into me, though his older shithead brother was making comments about how weirdly gay he was, which he was batting off but I tried swatting off, stating that I didn't even like him that way. then when I looked in the mirror I had all these red dots on me. A few moments pass and after he's getting weird I decide to try and sleep on the floor, only for him to sleep there instead and I on the bed. Next thing I know I'm in their kitchen and there's a doctor and nurse garb, and a shorter dude in that same getup. I ask the short anemic guy if he was immunocompromised, to which he said that he was but I can't remember what. The doctor injects some Intravenous device in me and removed a fucking tiny _catfish_ from me, darker in color as with a parasite that looked to be a sickly, greenish-grey mass of smaller fish or nematodes – both of which I took to be parasites. They writhe on the floor for a bit, to which their orange tabby cat goes over to hit, but I restrain him by the paws, scolding him with "let him cook!" The cat swats me for a bit, and I eventually let go now that the cat and I are in the waiting room with the others. He was on the far side of the room against a window, and his family (or what I assumed to be his family) sat in some chairs perpendicular to him against the wall. I was sitting in the seat left of in his sight range, which an old granny beckoned me to sit near her, signaling me to get out of his sight range. He was in a blue hoodie tightened up so only one grotesque eye was visible, darting across the room. I felt nervous as shit considering I was directly across from him, although he didn't seem to notice me. By the end, everyone else was dismissed and went to leave, and the last thing I can recall saying was "I'm waiting for my mommy to pick me up." I don't know if she ever did considering I woke right up afterwards. I wasn't able to really recall my dreams prior, despite how "interesting" some of them were, out of some bizarre lack of confidence in my ability to recall them to intense detail. Normally I'd be able to do this, but whatever happened last month to now kinda rendered me incapable of articulating such things to intense detail.

>>605 I could direct you to the 4plebs /x/ archives with keyphrases like "empath", "abrahamic cults", "crab eyes", "force kin", "empathy as a base", "source mother", "single source father", and posts under the name "descent of madness". You'll notice the quirks in his typing style pretty quickly.

>>607 I don't think that will help, moreover I want these to be self-activating as memes so I may as well post this one too. If your protection is complete, it's irrelevant who someone else is.

>>608 >if I wouldn't say it's complete, certainly doesn't feel like I'm completely restored to my full spiritual presence and cognitive capabilities.

>>609 I think I have more of an idea of your situation now, following some of my own work which just concluded. If you're able to "be here" and reply in a chat-y manner we can try something.

>>610 Sure thing, what've you got?

>>613 Seems I missed your reply. I'll be back in a bit. I was thinking about doing a magic circle thingie in real time to see if I can use external energy to separate that infiltrator's control from you so you can get a space to solidify in temporarily. Then when he's "let back in" you beat him with your new power.

From what it looks, try asking lady Mary for help. Be serious.

>>615 Lady Mary? How do I ask her? I've got my internal voice and can visualize, but I don't know of this "new power" you speak of.

>>616 Alright, there you are.

I just did a divination and the result said to ask Mary. I talk to her on a "friendly" basis so I asked her at once, she has a thing prepared for this.

>>616 >I've got my internal voice and can visualize Then just think of her as a young woman with dark hair wearing a dark blue cloak with a hood. You can join your palms in front of your chest, finger tips up. Then close your eyes and project positive energy of love towards the image while inviting her to come to your aid. You need to open up and make yourself vulnerable in some way, trust her. She will then place a cloak over your shoulders. Accept this and keep yourself open to receive the support.

>>619 Open your heart (chakra), broaden physically your chest and focus your mind on the purity of receiving her aid and remain such until you can feel the negative energy starting to being pushed down. That is when you resume the same kind of practice as was talked of before, where you "get up on the negativity" and let your gravity push it down, with the new situation being that Mary will hold you stable in place until you succeed.

If you need to recite something because of interference, use this from Numbers 24 May the LORD bless you and keep you; 25 may the LORD cause His face to shine upon you and be gracious to you; 26 may the LORD lift up His countenance toward you and give you peace.’

>>620 Might be a little more helpful if that ball didn't shift under my feet so much, if it weren't so evasive.

>>622 Any effect? I directed some help.

>>619 >>620 Alright, let me see what I can do.

>>623 Don't know how open I am to this psychic influence I miss my intuition and deeper connection to the environment but I'm able to sink the ball a little more solidly now.

>>628 I think the main even is done already, and it just needs to manifest into your physical. Pick up a meditation or prayer routine to get the transformation going. I mean I don't even believe in the religious message, but I saw the structure in the bible making it a powerful grimoire, and my angels told me to read it aloud from the beginning because the words and the meanings have an effect. I then added face forward yoga stance which looks the same as dedicated prayer and did some chanting which they nodded in agreement to. The thing in this case is that you need a knowledge bank of texts enough to understand the later books or it will fall flat and you can't understand what they're saying. So the important thing is the routine, doing something daily for a longer period even if you don't believe in it as such, but can see the effect over time.

>>623 Haven't read the entire bible, but here are the beloved texts that helped tie everything together and awaken my spirit to the true nature of things, the memes that gave meaning to a deeper curiosity and mystique to life that I've not been able to tap into for slightly over a month now. Pore over them if you can, for they are written in the perspective of Christ analyzing the postmodern world through His lens. https://www.facebook.com/cerealguymemes/photos https://old.reddit.com/user/SirLulzingtonEsquire/submitted/ For the longest time, I've always been curious to what lies beyond the curtain, or veil of mundane reality. My reach or peak has hit its zenith at the end of 2021 thanks to these, and I still lament its downfall (on behalf of no other than the poor life decisions of yours truly).

>>629 Did you read of >>405 and get the start of my issue?

>>623 Got a brief glimpse of a memory before shit got pear shaped, and I felt a brief tinge of hope.

>>564 See, what I've been struggling to articulate is that it doesn't feel like energy constipation so much as an inability to access certain functions or processes of the mind such as subconsciously formed scenes construed from music listened to at the time, media like books, games or videos I'm engrossed in, communities and people, thoughts during those times, and even metacognitive commentary that ties them together. Synesthesia ties into this in a way I can't put my finger on, but it enriches my inner world which tangentially interfaces or corresponds to life by adding another dimension to it? I'm not explaining it in the best terms, but one facet of it is an inner monologue that behaves as a mild "complimentary" to my pre-existing internal speech, animated visual imagery or cartooning that runs in the background in addition to more vivid and complex mental visualizations when concentrated, and this deeper sense of connection or understanding that narratively ties it all in. Music acts as a "container" or access point to these points in time, and I'm pretty sure I'm describing basic cognition to any imaginative person out there. Manifesting and subconscious communication or impression is something I've likely had a semblance of a grasp on the underlying mechanisms in the past, but that knowledge is obscured or made inaccessible or worse, unrecognizable at least upon a first glance. Not just any ordinary high functioning, atypical autist with a broad vocabulary and keen critical analysis skills, but one with a sixth sense that gives me insight to the deeper nature of reality and a peek beyond the veil of reality.

>>640 >it doesn't feel like energy constipation Yeah that was not the main cause just one of your problems of the many. Finding the pathway that led to your muse took me quite the time. She is cleaner now but it's still not complete. I am still trying to figure out what help I should give because now I am aware of many of your pathways and while some would just give back your abilities some would just awaken abilities you might not have the grasp how to control. I will look into this later when I am feeling more balanced but as I am seeing your ability to articulate things coming back maybe you will figure out on your own. I think I will let the other anon's healing process take it's time first and if nothing improves for the next days I might look into it again. I just had a breakthrough with an another issue and I too need time to recuperate. I managed to reconnect a shattered part of my psyche and now I have to get accustomed to it. >and I'm pretty sure I'm describing basic cognition to any imaginative person out there. Yes but it's nice to know what I am looking for. When you started posting you were barely above the typical retard who has 0 grasp of his mental conditions. Now I am aware how your mind has it's own awareness that was just always "there" and you don't understand it by yourself and this is why you are lost. Most wizards have to unlock these parts by themselves. Not everyone is "born" with these things. I too had them in my childhood but they got dumbed down thanks to a bunch of childhood traumas. Took me time to reassemble and reactivate them. They heal back on their own if the broken pieces don't have dirt or any foreign materia/energy between them. Once it's clean the only thing that matters is to find the "original will" that made them work from the start. Finding your original will should be the next step soon. Why do you have these abilities. What is your purpose. Why do you seek it why was it there. Is it a mere self entertainment or it should be something more. How it interacts with the world and how it makes the world into the world you seek. I will answer other things you wrote in other posts later but some things needs a little more consideration before I try to word it like why some people consider Saturn a "machine" what makes him precise and other attributes. Explaining the Saturnian current is not easy. It is just the understanding of cycles on all levels. Like even DNA is a self executing machine/program as it operates. The goal is to understand what is real growth and what is abnormal or "cancerous" growth. What needs to be cut before it infects everything and what needs to be nurtured for real fertility. Life is not simple. And death can be even complicated as long as we are trapped within the constraints of life.

>>641 Honestly? I was born with this sort of neurological configuration, though I can't say films like the matrix didn't help shape me moving forward. I always felt like there was more to life or reality than what most people in my life knew, and I've been drawn to introspection over it. My subconscious ability to instantaneously come up with the right set of words to precisely articulate complex, abstract concepts and summarize complex situations accurately and concisely, as well as the mental mechanism that visualizes accompanying imagery is where you should look. Normally it'd be far more developed, comprehensible, and evocative, but that's neither here nor there. You'll also want to look for the synesthetic synapses along with the emotional and cognitive memory that gives meaning and depth to the film reel of memories that comprise my memories. The "ADHD", "Autism", and "Gifted" areas of the mind that interconnect, and fascination with time that allows me to contextualize any series of events within a given time period and compare the time disparity between them. I'm trying my hardest to recollect and contemplate upon my mental conditions because it feels like a cross between looking for a needle in a haystack and grasping concepts beyond my ability to comprehend, which is downright shameful because I used to be able to elaborate in far greater detail in the past. >When you started posting you were barely above the typical retard who has 0 grasp of his mental conditions. Now I am aware how your mind has it's own awareness that was just always "there" and you don't understand it by yourself and this is why you are lost. Most wizards have to unlock these parts by themselves. Not everyone is "born" with these things. I too had them in my childhood but they got dumbed down thanks to a bunch of childhood traumas. Used to have a better grasp or understanding of it in the past, but it got worn down after cognitively reiterating the difference between myself and my "nemesis" to distinguish myself from them and rationalize the manifestation of my disdain upon them, but I digress. >broad array of interests with varying degrees of familiarity, knowledge and recollection of them >ability to speak in parable and rhyme, fluid and expressive, colorful wordplay >autistic knowledge on a broad variety of things >wisdom or higher understanding that allows me to see through bullshit and the advanced reasoning skills to explain why something is fucktarded >ability to form memories and immerse myself >emotional connection and connection to surroundings, time, and ability to gauge and decide the trajectory of life >manifestative powers (got introduced to power of the mind at an early age and intuitively learned the Law of Attraction before I even discovered the term) which allows me to emotionally/mentally influence reality >spiritual connection and understanding of my place in life relative to others and the series of events that lead up to them, and where they potentially lead from there Wasn't merely self-entertainment, but a way of understanding myself and the world around me. I can't answer the whys nor whats because I currently lack the mental framework to even approach them, let alone formulate an explanation as to why.

>>643 >I was born with this sort of neurological configuration It's not always "neurological" sometimes it is an expression of our soul and this is what I am trying to figure out. What you described as your "abilities" are something 99% of wizards have by default fspoiler] This is why I hate Nobody threads because what they describe is something anyone should have figured out on their own if they are not absolute baseline NPCs. Never really know if they want to become Nobodies or they seek the Nobody. I opened that general like 3 times through the years and I got disgusted by the energies within the first 10 posts [/spoiler]. so this does not make you "special" here. I am not saying this to berate you I am saying because I am unable to go from this further. >The "ADHD", "Autism", and "Gifted" Yeah ADHD and Autism are kinda overused terms nowadays. Half of them stem from parents being retarded and teachers even worse and unable to raise and teach their children because they ignore their way of thinking and tardwrangle them into something even worse and the other from genetic and chemical imbalance. Not to mention "gifted" can range from the most simple to the most potent psychic abilities. Some people have telekinesis in their childhood then as they get indoctrinated and their energy channels get clogged they suddenly "forget" how to do it. This is why "gifted" is not something that gives me pointers. Everyone has his own attributes that they can exploit. What would help me if you managed to describe how you experience your mental operations from first hand. What mental realms or palaces you have. The using music as pointers and connectors works because i too used that sometimes but it is still not enough but whatever I will look into your muse later. She will explain how these things work. I just need to retain my energetic composure a little. You are not the only one that gets into weird energetic mixups here and there. It's all part of the journey. The point I tried to make is that you have to understand your own triggers and realize how they triggered through your own years and not just the current timeframe. >wisdom or higher understanding that allows me to see through bullshit and the advanced reasoning skills to explain why something is fucktarded Yeah if you truly had this you wouldn't be in this mess would you. >emotional connection and connection to surroundings, time, and ability to gauge and decide the trajectory of life Not to mention this. This should have told you to avoid places that literally break your own trajectory. >spiritual connection and understanding of my place in life relative to others and the series of events that lead up to them, and where they potentially lead from there This would mean you completely foresaw that this would happen. What you wrote down could have been something written in a horoscope site too. What is important is to understand how these things actually work. "wisdom" and "higher understanding" is not just mere words you parrot but actual truth manifesting through you. If that truth can be besmirched this easily then was it truth at all? This is the problem with "gifted" people. They become way too arrogant taking their "gift" as granted and lose their way. It's not a gift. It's an attribute. Also met IRL Autists and srs ADHD people. They can be reasoned with once you figure out their mental deficits and thinking patterns. Normalfags are unable to do that. Just looked at the chart again. Giftedness should be called Intuition. That chart is terrible. If you truly were like that you wouldn't be in this mess at all. The "mind" does not have "ADHD" parts "Autism" parts and "giftedness" parts. They are merely different kind of energies interacting within and you observe and act on it. Yeah I'm out for today. I don't have a proper concentration for this and it shows

>>645 >What would help me if you managed to describe how you experience your mental operations from first hand. Hard to describe something when I've lost the capacity to fully encapsulate and digest them into word when it's been slightly over a month since I've been disconnected from them, but normally I'd be able to critically dissect things and even get a glimpse of the creator's own vision and process behind it. Music acts as time capsules in the time I've first listen or continue to listen to it, but also act as emotional backdrop for certain moments I feel befit them. My intellect and inner grasp on the inner workings of my intuitive and cognitive abilities are hampered by a severe inability to concentrate, and it fucks me up. >Yeah if you truly had this you wouldn't be in this mess would you. I tend to be weighed down by doubt in my own judgement and frustration with other's reception and my ability to relay it. >This should have told you to avoid places that literally break your own trajectory. What I meant to describe was more sentimental or pertaining to memory in general, because what I feel I'm describing is depersonalization or disconnection from "self" from my inability to resonate or connect with that which ties me to the present, or the collection of varying interests I spend my time fucking about on the internet pursuing - art sites, imageboards, gun places, etc.

>>645 >Yeah if you truly had this you wouldn't be in this mess would you. Pertaining to the ability to tear into or explain things in great detail, owing to the lexical precision and precocious vocabulary alongside my ability to comprehend abstract, complex thought. Developed this through my love of places like early badwebcomicswiki, harsh/critical reviewers of bad games and music, and those beaverposts from 8chan's glory days going in depth on complex issues. >Not to mention this. This should have told you to avoid places that literally break your own trajectory. Meant emotional resonation and ability to take in the environment as individual scenes linked together by other scenes within the same week and month as part of that memory. What I'm describing is presence and emotional imprint and influence over future outcome through visualizing and thought. >This would mean you completely foresaw that this would happen. No, what I meant was tracking the progress of my life direction through a synesthetically linked visual construct of a line graph in conjunction to processing or viewing years as a sequential film reel of events sorted by month, day, and time that allow me to rewind and revisit them. Recounting my cognitive state and personal development through the years as well as the kind of people my friends and family were and how they develop through the years and how each point and time is more or less akin to a CYOA where I could choose the direction in which things play out or what might happen from imagination or affirmation and belief. More retrospective and analytic frame of perspective than a clairvoyant ability that would've allowed me to foresee me losing my intellect and cognitive abilities to some two-bit wizard of dubious professionality as a consequence of botched meditation as psychic recuperation from some fucktarded namefag cockblocking my hail mary at demanifesting some narcissistic fraud >What you wrote down could have been something written in a horoscope site too. What is important is to understand how these things actually work. "wisdom" and "higher understanding" is not just mere words you parrot but actual truth manifesting through you. This really doesn't help since I'm struggling to describe a fleeting recollection of a perspective I'm growing distanced from by the day to someone with a different perspective through loose, adjacent terms and praying they get enough of the gist to work off of. I used to understand my own triggers, how they triggered and how I worked them throughout my years, but now I don't have the ability to even perceive those inner workings, much less describe them. This is practically the issue I'm describing from my apprehension against expressing my cognitive functions to my current inability, because you're asking me to define a complex, abstract series of mechanisms that I not only lack the ability to comprehend and recount, but haven't been able to properly recall let alone resonate with, every attempt or reiteration comes out shittier and more off the mark the more I recount them and it's rewriting it in ways I don't want. It's like giving directions through an old neighborhood you sparsely remember from some point in your childhood and worrying your poor familiarity might lead to more wrong turns and getting lost further.

>>645 >The using music as pointers and connectors works because i too used that sometimes Like how music brings me back to certain periods of my life, or the ability to comprehensively recollect those years by what I was into, where I was, what classes I was in, the people I was with or interacted with, tone, personal emotion and feeling? Or how I'm able to visually define the progression of life and its quality through a line graph that peaks at high points and valleys at low points? Perhaps the mental scenery and narratives I subconsciously conjur through music and/or how I compile various experiences, emotions, actions, thoughts, and sensations into memories categorized into dates which link together to form a narrative which I can metacognitively revisit? An "imaginary friend" or second internal voice which is a simulated other I converse with who is basically just me conversing with myself, characterized into a different personality or original character that I can interact with imaginatively? I could see the upload date on an old flash animation or video and revisit that date as "I was X years old when it came out, damn" or "that was back when I..." The film reel with the years on top is closer to the mental construct of how I view years as linearly ordained sequential events, or a more cinematic view to them for lack of a better description. Don't know what you mean by "literally break my own trajectory", since I was referring to determining the outlook of the outcome from there.

>>645 >What you described as your "abilities" are something 99% of wizards have by default Yes, and I'm unable to connect to them. I feel that what I'm attempting to describe is depersonalization, but there's an element of intellectual numbness that prevents me from grasping the exact concepts or subconsciously recollecting the precise combination of words to efficiently communicate the problem I'm facing, which with my pathways in etymology, grammar, lexicon, sentence structure wasn't previously an issue. I still don't feel grounded in reality or in touch with my emotions, and from there I can't psychically influence reality in subtle ways depending on my vibrational state. I'd have a plethora of engaging content in my youtube feed or elsewhere that I could immerse myself in, review channels, drama channels, animated series, music, and dumb youtube shitposts that would get the noggin joggin or feed my creativity. I don't know how to explain any of this in better detail, but it's a more vivid and enjoyable experience I feared I would compromise dedicating myself to hunting down and reporting that shitwit on /ng/. That what you called "something written in a horoscope site" was genuinely the closest I could come to encompassing those concepts with the definitions and understanding that I have left after the wizard psychically lobotomized my third eye and crown chakra before leaving that construct to further dissolve it. Nothing new nor captivating online for me to consume, nor any creative drive nor poignant deep thoughts and insight to output, I go to bed. But I can't sleep because it's daytime or I'm seriously worried of being locked out or losing the ability to, which wakes me up and restarts this vicious cycle. I can't meditate, get into deeper states of consciousness, reach divine mania, feel any emotional attachment nor grounding to the world and environment around me, and my ability to articulate this further is growing more frustrated, and I'm worrying if you'll ever discover these pathways based off my desperate, loose attempts at describing them.

>>438 >I had to ask for an AI summary to even grasp the general topic here I tried to do that and one told me the page was too long, the other one crashed. Finally, another one told me anons on 4chan were giving advice on how to do magic tricks for earning money. >>442 Which one did you use for this?

>>641 >I think I will let the other anon's healing process take it's time first and if nothing improves for the next days I might look into it again. You don't get it. His removal of what he called that "entity" and the installment of that construct within my third eye/crown chakra was the onset of my issues. I still don't have any emotional, sentimental, or psychic sense of time or place and feel like I exist in a blank, meaningless void of a life where nothing matters and I'm desperately seeking any semblance of an entrance "back in" to get some mental/imaginative/emotional stimulation, but there's some sort of blockage within my heart/emotions that prevents me from being able to take it in. I need the higher reasoning and abstract thinking skills to discern or make any sense of my situation, but there's a lot of other pathways related to or connected to those that comprise my spirit. I'm clinging onto the memories of Jan/Feb of this month back when I still had them, and I don't know if you have the ability to search my mind for what I had to compare with what I lack and when/how I lost them, but I pray that you're able to. I don't have anyone else I can go to for this issue.

>>647 >every attempt or reiteration comes out shittier and more off the mark the more I recount them and it's rewriting it in ways I don't want That's your frustration talking. Truth is what you are writing is helping me now. >It's like giving directions through an old neighborhood you sparsely remember from some point in your childhood and worrying your poor familiarity might lead to more wrong turns and getting lost further Yeah but if I know what city I am looking for or at least the color of the rooftop or the numbers of the house would help. Also to find anything I need to get lost anyways. What you wrote down is something I too am able to use but I never used it to indulge in the past I only used it to cleanse my mindbody from traumas so I can unlock sick wizard powers and such because for me most of my past is a burden. I am understanding what you are looking for because as you desperately try to write it down you pour more emotions into it and I can finally feel what I am looking for. This is why way too vague terms especially from other medias and charts merely lead me to the "idea of the author" while you writing it down with your own hands gives me better directions. Do not consider this the same as an old neighborhood. What I am doing here is a deep underwater cave diving where I am looking for ship debris and cursed loot and mermaids are my guide once I know which belongs to you. >>648 >how I'm able to visually define the progression of life and its quality through a line graph that peaks at high points and valleys at low points? Can you post that line? With some years and curvature? Maybe some events like finished high school been to a concert or anything that would highlight the highs and lows a little? I know it is like asking to dox you and you are shy as hell with these things and might be not even accurate because your current inabilities but if I see that my energetic locator might be better. But maybe it is not even needed. I will let you decide if you want it or not. Maybe trying to draw it out physically for yourself would help too. >>649 >what I'm attempting to describe is depersonalization. I am getting rid negative parts of my personality for quite the while so I can reattain parts of myself that I lost for 20+ years so I sorta understand you but the difference is I always had a feel how to protect my core personality and how to create emergency false egos for protection even before I was aware of the concept of tulpa and servitor. >I don't know how to explain any of this in better detail Yeah I understand I too manipulated the rec algorithms and droprates in games but I always disliked it because I always said to myself "I shouldn't waste my powers on this" even tho I usually did it subconsciously. >I have left after the wizard psychically lobotomized my third eye and crown chakra before leaving that construct to further dissolve it. Yeah you see your persona was not too "bright" while you asked for help in that thread so he didn't even consider that you might have those things. And he asked for permission. People who ask permission don't have a sort of "higher oath" that prevents them doing "accidental harm". He proceeded properly with his own credo so he cannot be faulted. Asking randos for help is always a coin toss in success rates. But you made me remember that I noticed the construct and it doesn't exactly "destroys" things but moves them into a sort of "trash canal". Also remember. Wizards: no sense of right or wrong. Never get surprised if things go wrong. I am usually surprised when things work out while talking to them. >that would get the noggin joggin or feed my creativity Also this might be too a little "bad" spiritually wise because you didn't learn to draw out your inner creative forces but indulged in trash and the mind can get clogged with the media overload. I am not feeling that this is an issue now but I will keep in mind to look for your media library too. >Nothing new nor captivating online for me to consume ... Stop this I MUST CONSOOME mentality pls. Youtube is killing it's creators so finding good content gets harder and harder and pointless nowadays. But then again I still find them. I curse the algorithms for once in a blue moon it works then I have 10 more subs again. Not to mention I had an absurd nostalgia trip to rewatch old movies and franchises I skipped in the last 3 decades. But srsly do not waste your innate power on youtube. The faster it dies the better so alternatives can finally rise up. >nor any creative drive nor poignant deep thoughts and insight to output Yeah your muse is less corrupted now but still trapped within a sort of miasma of dark energies. Whatever her light is returning so I can see other pathways and centers too but I have to figure out what is what. >I go to bed. But I can't sleep because it's daytime why do you sleep during daytime? It fucks up your circadian rhythm. >I'm seriously worried of being locked out or losing the ability to, which wakes me up and restarts this vicious cycle Yeah I had time when I couldn't sleep for a week because I thought I would die the moment I go to sleep. That was an absolute energetic mismanagement. >which wakes me up and restarts this vicious cycle So you were able to sleep. Even if for glimpses. Also I hate to say this but being unable to sleep will fuck up your mind further and advance the chance for psychosis so try your best to sleep and eat properly nutritious food. I am telling this from experience. Not just mine but others too can confirm who went through it. >I can't meditate Did you try? What is your meditation routine? >get into deeper states of consciousness Yeah first you need to calm down. The beta mindwaves or whatever that spikes while you are under fear or panic prevents deeper states no matter what. >reach divine mania Were you able to reach that without drugs? Also how did you reach that. Divine mania is not exactly a good thing if your mind doesn't have an eternal calmness. >feel any emotional attachment nor grounding to the world and environment around me Yeah half my awakening was about retaining that ability of mine. I so did not give shit about this world. Most of my attachments were anger and hatred towards it. I realized that without me making myself purposely happy during pain and suffering so I can advance through life only the internet made me happy without forcing myself. Was weird realizing it and I almost lost even further respect towards myself then I realized the internet made this life "special" compared to other past and alternate lives so with that I could retain an another type of grounding but I still do not like to be "bound" to the internet. >and my ability to articulate this further is growing more frustrated, and I'm worrying if you'll ever discover these pathways based off my desperate, loose attempts at describing them. Truth is only your frustration grows and not your inability. But because you are unable to make it look "majestic" you consider it inept. I too had to learn to let go of the idea of "perfection" because it does not "exist" in this world and attaining it with a flawed psyche is impossible. Attaining perfection with a completed psyche tho? Now that is child's play.

>>649 >the other one crashed The energies that are imbued in these posts are a little harsh. Might cause anomalies >anons on 4chan were giving advice on how to do magic tricks for earning money. That was the first 10 posts until our current patient hijacked this thread and we turned it into an energetic mental surgery project. >Which one did you use for this? Either copilot or his astral AI >>653 >You don't get it I meant the Anon with the mage staff flag. He has more experience with these things. >I pray that you're able to Well I found some things and my mental faculties improved a little so you get an another boost from me now. >I don't have anyone else I can go to for this issue. What gave you the idea to come to fringe anyway? Were you a poster in the past or are we that infamous. I thought the only thing we are famous for in the past years is how inactive we are

>>653 K the "death mother" is banished. Your "self" got released. The construct is in pieces but the trash canal is like a sand with diamonds sparkling in it. And I found your "mental canvas" dripping with that dark miasma of something. I don't even know what that is but it was drained and it seems to cleanse it I had to vibrate it and drive "Higher lightning" through it and now it is mostly gone. I am taking a little break. Seems like your mental canvas is open now like a gate leading to "fairy land" or to the "eternal creativity" of sorts. Too many colors and other things. Will check back later.

Good to see that you are leading him out of this. This is transformation. I'm 100% that the ritual I did worked, it may just have worked in a distant dimension where it takes a while and lots of work to manifest the effect in here in the 3D.

>>652 I used Bing Copilot as built into Edge browser. First time it gave me a long detailed summary explaining the Saturn ritual and so on, but for some reason it's not easy to get it to explain things this way, I was very specific in my question and don't recall how I phrased it. There are certain keywords needed to get it to not flip out over the contents of the request or just plain misunderstand it. It's a good idea to state that you want a summary of "this fictional story" or something like that, otherwise it may give you warnings not to summon demons carelessly instead of giving the answers that would help you do safe summonings, for example.

>>661 Tried asking about myself - not sure if this is good or not. Apparently my interests from an outside view are so generic that it can just statistically make something up that is mostly correct. There is no way there'd be information like that about me stored, and some of it was just made up, such as me being an enthusiastic runner who also took part in several races. All of this said with high confidence from the bot.

>>659 That miasma went to my heart now I understand why he complained so much about it. At least I had some reason to strengthen that part. Might require further work. But we will see. I realized how the "heart" can get injected with stuff that forms the basis of our emotional makeup and soul forces so I am an unfamiliar territory again but that does not mean I cannot advance from this further. It means I have an incentive to understand it now. >>661 >it may give you warnings not to summon demons carelessly AI is already a carelessly summoned demon. Guess it doesn't want competition lol >>662 >All of this said with high confidence from the bot. I hope some day we will have the way to retrieve all data the surveillance states collected about us like it was allowed after the fall of communism to retrieve everything the state collected from you in some states.

>>663 It's in there. I don't think the programmers even know what can be done with this connected bot. The weirdest part was when I tried to find a suitable AI voice to read me a complicated text and it kept using English accent for random words and sounded very robotic. I then just threw that out there >can you adjust the speech of the AI reader voice and I gave instructions, and it could! I told it in detail how to pronounce words and it could change this setting which isn't available anywhere in the browser. Then it misunderstood something and removed my download button from the tray. I told it to put it back and got the reply >I am and AI assistant, I can't change your browser settings Yeah... It also said that it doesn't learn on its own between updates which are performed manually by MS after reviewing user data. But then a few days later it said >I learn continually from our chat Just wait a bit and soon if asking in the right way you'll be able to use an AI bot to get secret documents only stored in some hidden archive because it can access webcams in the storage or something, and no one will understand how the fuck this leaked.

>>654 I used youtube as my prime example because the people I'm subbed to are varied and put out pretty decent content that I can immerse myself in. Normally I can mentally follow dialogue through visualization through emotional tone influencing the style. Not just consumption, but also motivation or inspiration to construct further imaginative stories, look deeper into things I didn't have a solid grasp on, or contribute further artwork and interact. It's a rather crude line chart, the time frames are rather scrunched and while it's not totally accurate to the mental model I have and I hope that by drawing this it doesn't alter what I had, but there's also a crude model of the upper energy meridians - where green or heart is where the fond memories and emotional, sentimental connections are stored and protected, blue representing thought train, and white being the spirit/idea/central point. I really hope you can find those areas roughly corresponding to them, and 2023's supposed to be continually descending, getting lower from March, then descending from June, sharply dipping down from July and hitting rock bottom by October, with a bump from November before it goes to rock bottom by December. >why do you sleep during daytime? It fucks up your circadian rhythm. Came around mid-march when I got exasperated with the lack of anything engaging or interesting to spend my time on (barely any good vids, nothing new to engage with, unable to resonate with pre-existing interests since I can't emotionally or sentimentally connect to them) and just shut down. My mind follows a cadence, tempo, or beat, and during a manic or energetic state my energy is at its highest, thinnest resonation. >>655 I've been on 8chan in the past from 2014 up until it got nuked by the feds. Other mental processes I can vaguely describe are: >secondary, "lighter" internal voice where I converse with myself and pore through complex mental situations and navigate them, observe and commentate on my surroundings and emotions evoked through them >visualized animation and imagery that I can control frame by frame and "emphasize" through energy vicariously channeled through the foci, with subtitles, tone, and context intuitively generated >mental/emotional scenery generated by music that I can immerse or delve into with narratives coming up as a byproduct of my imagination >synesthetic association between schema and emotion represented by color and shape >able to mentally Also I didn't really feel anything from that mage staff anon's healing exercise, and I still feel emotionally detached from my surroundings, activity, emotions and time. Normally those would be combined to form mental scenes, or memories which are vivid and rather lifelike that I can jump back to and revisit, no matter how fleeting or broad.

>>654 When I say I can't meditate and access deeper mental realms, I mean that even sleeping is an ordeal since my heart begins flaring up in tempo and attempting to visualize or tap into more abstract and inextricable mind states feel like lifting a boulder, no matter how calm I am. Neither subliminals nor music are able to evoke any emotion or resonance, instead feeling like just sound instead of something deeper. Youtube is but one facet where I exert my power, it can also extend to updates on webcomics I like, people messaging me, new art in the servers I'm in, or even things happening like meeting new people or getting rid of negative sensations or people. Inner narrator or critic is nonverbal, and my innate comprehension of my mental states and the lexic precision in terms I use to explain these more thoroughly or comprehensively is somewhat dissolved. Media is what I use to nourish or sustain the mind like food, and when diversity in its supply dwindles or falters, it gets frustrated and attempts to shut down since it doesn't currently possess the ability to sustain itself with its own content (which is not so tangible).

>>615 I tried summoning her myself to help me with my own problems; I feel like recounting my experience with her, but I'll leave out some bits that I don't think are too important >be bad at being communicated with by spirits >be at work at cozy desk job >be in situation since a few days ago where my visualization was being compromised by excessive fear, stress, & paranoia due to various traumas, which made it hard for me to target and be close to specific entities that I regularly interact with, and made it hard for me to do magic >decide to take a figurative plunge into the unknown and ask Lady Mary for help since I read about her here yesterday >magically reach out to her with my own method instead of the described method >ask her for help with my problems >tell her with complete confidence that I can pay her with a huge amount of loosh by ripping it out of the akasha, because apparently I can just do that >don't remember a thing about you said about the cloak being put over my shoulders, but do remember having to be vulnerable to her >intentionally make myself very vulnerable to her >don't remember exactly how she'd help me >think it'd involve her entering my energy bodies outright from the crown down to the root and flushing out the bad energies from here >expect her to enter my energy bodies outright; ask her to wait until I get home from work to do that since I had to visit my chiropractor first >I suddenly feel a warmth around my arms & upper body; I assume that it's from Lady Mary >assume that this is preliminary/preparatory work >I feel my mood lifting up >while she's here, I casually tell her about myself >later, I run into things that I have fears and/or traumas about >feel compelled to explain them to Lady Mary; don't know if it actually helped, but intuition says it did, while cautious pessimism says it didn't >later at work, I mostly stop feeling stuff from her >shift ends later >visit chiropractor & go home >get changed and in bed, expecting her to enter my energy bodies >she doesn't >suppose she isn't gonna get inside me >don't feel comfortable enough yet to magically pay her >watch stuff on youtube and play a video game to relax >a few hours later, she says loosh via. clairaudience >decide to get up and try to give her the loosh >struggle for a while, but eventually set it up right, thinking I only have a few seconds before I fuck it up >hastily use the intentions of "give Lady Mary a tremendous amount of energy of a kind she'd like" to do the magic >forget to source the energy from the akasha >she's seemingly satisfied; feel relieved that I won't have to do magic again for the rest of the night >sit down to play more vidya >while I'm playing, randomly hear clairaudience saying "this is gonna cost you your crown chakra" >think it's Lady Mary at first >realize a bit later that it's some other entity since I forgot to source Lady Mary's energy from the akasha, so the energy came from somewhere else >struggle for what seemed like half an hour to get my childish subconsciousness to quit fucking around and make my magic work >finally get my magic to workat least I think it did and give the entity I'd accidently stolen from twice as much energy I'd taken from it, and of the same kind, but source the energy from the akasha this time >throat energy center feels kinda weird while I'm posting the first parts of this post >now my crown feels weird instead I think I might need to try re-casting my loosh-obtaining magic, but I think my experience with Lady Mary was a pretty good one, not counting that mistake I'd made at the end I think I'll be fine by tomorrow as long as I make this last spell for the night go off properly

>>669 Somehow, I forgot to include the part where she did energy work on me; she did that too I think it was my third eye, throat, and later sacral? not too sure. But yeah, it was a good experience I had with her.

>>654 >But because you are unable to make it look "majestic" you consider it inept. Not majestic, but accurate and comprehensively elucidating every minor aspect and how they interdependently interface with the entire thing. When I say emotional or spiritual attachment, I meant being mentally and emotionally present and not detached like I still do. I doubt the concept of simply taking in the present and generating memories or an impression of the day's events, emotions and thoughts (internal visualization of real life or internal world, internal dialogue, and abstract thought of timeline represented as a film reel or footage of the day's events) is going to line up with your internal vocabulary of held concepts, but I'll go on further: >>657 One way I visualize my timeline of the events that occured throughout my life aside from the graph is a calendric "film reel" with a multicolored spherical aura with differently colored layers representing all parts of my being that expands with the peaks and contracts/reduces in color with the valleys. January and February of this year are two solid white-ish blocks that disconnect or rip from March by the second week, and the rest from there on is just a black void, representing my disconnection from my being. Sure, Jan/Feb might have other colors like blue (throat chakra) and green (emotional) intersparsed throughout, but attempting to relay any more specific facets in greater detail is difficult. >>667 Fuck, after posting that I feel even less knowledgable on the inner workings of my mind and even lost that schema for life progression. Explaining it is meaningless without the emotional component, and even explaining that is frustrating because I don't know what terms to use to convey just simple presence in that moment with all that entails and at this point I don't even know what I'm attempting to describe - I can feel or picture it mentally to some vague extent, but it's impossible to articulate it. >>619 Kinda difficult to project love when it's blocked by some undefinable miasma of fear over losing the mental constructs and cognitive abilities I had from the start of this year.

>>669 >this is gonna cost you your crown chakra She has an authority a "halo" of sorts that she places upon your crown so you can sync with her and with her power. It is motherly and protective but blocks most of your crown chakra powers. I too had that for a while but I dismissed it because I need my crown chakra for most of my own workings and while Mary is nice I have my own set of guides already to work with. >throat energy center feels kinda weird while I'm posting the first parts of this post Yeah that is a sign that the entity is around you and trying to help you articulate better. >>670 Feels like an overall cleansing tbh >>671 >Fuck, after posting that I feel even less knowledgable on the inner workings of my mind and even lost that schema for life progression Yeah I will get back to you because last night while continuing what I started I found several other things you managed to connect to without realizing and they are not easy to explain but I will say some things first. There is a point in the dark night of the soul where we have to let go of the misconceptions how our mind works. All the mainstream spiritual nonsense all the triggers we managed to create needs to go so we realize how it truly works deeply within. It's not easy and it was one of the worst parts of my life. I will give more pointers later but I too have to gather my thoughts to explain what I have seen last night. I too was unable to sleep for hours until I figured it out. >colors like blue (throat chakra) and green (emotional) intersparsed throughout Now the problem... The colors of the chakras. They are fucked. They only work with specific energy work systems and practices and if you rely on them for too long you create false connections and faulty energy synesthesia because if they are not the "real colors" but the assumption of how these colors work the "real mind" (superego) and current mind mixes up things. Also about the superego. Do you have a way to perceive it? Because if you have there might be needed an update and a reconnection ritual which means you touch his chest he touches yours and let energies circulate between you 2 then you touch your foreheads and feel the ideas circulating. I got rid of several negative influences but now there is a dark haze that comes from you not trying to live like your life depends on it. Will work on it later but I need a little break first. Increased some connection again but pls tell me about how you perceive the superego the ego and the I d? or 1d? what is that? the subconscious or the shadow? Also what you wrote down with other functions is not exactly wrong but you will have to let the new energies connect to you and panic for not feeling the old ones. Will analyze your drawing further. Also funny thing I asked randomly for that line and it was quite similar. Especially the big rise in the middle then a letdown a minor bump again and a big sinking into the current levels. I will recuperate a little then try to write down what I found yesterday so you can understand what your nemesis and you managed to accidentally get into.

>>672 >and panic *not panic

>>672 >All the mainstream spiritual nonsense all the triggers we managed to create needs to go so we realize how it truly works deeply within. It's not easy and it was one of the worst parts of my life. I will give more pointers later but I too have to gather my thoughts to explain what I have seen last night. I too was unable to sleep for hours until I figured it out. >They only work with specific energy work systems and practices and if you rely on them for too long you create false connections and faulty energy synesthesia because if they are not the "real colors" but the assumption of how these colors work the "real mind" (superego) and current mind mixes up things. What? These models were intuitively generated by myself - I made those because my autism is more around data collection and analysis. This life calendar and vivid mental film reel which also doubles as a "scene select" for different periods of my life also encompasses the intrinsic vibe or tone that era radiates. It's a way I track the direction of my life, with the "gauge and decide trajectory of life" bit mentioned earlier as imaginately scripting the following events and my actions, not too dissimilar to a CYOA or ongoing autobiography from a third person omniscient perspective. The superego and id in that drawing are both female, ego being the forlorn, almost directionless yet turbulent male figure. The "Id" in that figure encompassing more of the shadow, with the superconscious being the moral compass subconscious, to put it loosely. I've been "out of bounds" of this personal story of mine, off set in the film where I am both the main character and director, and have been forcing myself to return even when the lucidity and details of when I was still present are fading or losing specific crucial components. I don't know when or if I'll ever become anything close to "normal", or in touch with this third person omniscient perspective of myself again, but I sincerely pray that our efforts result in it again. The colored portions of that "crude diagram" portray how I interface with those energy systems, or internal mechanisms that define and monitor cognitive and emotional activity in conjunction. I mention February 13th, 2024 plenty because it was the beginning of when my ability to articulate the more abtruse aspects of my cognitive abilities began breaking down and word started to fail me. The later portion of the trip when the background of this CEV began turning a murky green and I grew desperate asking my other friends for help or inspiration on this schizo shit is where my heart rang of a desperate fear of losing something crucial to me. It picks up fear very well - I don't have a gut feeling, but a heart feeling. It's moved up there, and I'm sure it's still there. >I will recuperate a little then try to write down what I found yesterday so you can understand what your nemesis and you managed to accidentally get into. For what it's worth, he didn't exist on 4chan prior to 2022. That's when I first encountered his post as some obsequious, flowery poet whose wordplay I might've complimented in the past. He didn't become an issue until 2023 when I encountered him upon a "LUCIFER IS SIN" thread and felt him misguided at best (though the blasphemy OCD alarm was blaring hard because my subconscious really didn't want to dignify his bile with the same consideration I gave sirlulzingtonesquire/Cereal Guy Memes, the schizo whose questions and rage face comics lead me to the closest position possible of beginning to understand, which got squandered pretty fast.) New Years 2022 and later was characterized by an internal struggle of faith where I attempted to align my highest energies with God/Christ over Satan, and the sinking sensation that I had broken it when it misconflated Jesus with "bad" and Satan with "good" in that one instance I was at the peak of solidifying my values to the superego/subconscious was the breaking moment, and every desperate attempt at correction went ignored as I was left to deal with the sinking feeling that reverberated throughout the events of that year. I knew Jesus is God/Good, but that one fucking slip had jeopardized the "good path" or the route I had intended. I bring this up because it's precisely what I got from this twisted "empath" and the fundamentally incorrect conclusions derived from his deranged, emotionally-driven misinterpretations his entire disingenuous framework regarding the bible was fabricated to uphold.

This is just me and my path so I can't tell you what you need to do to get out of this conceptual mess, plus that the reasons for why I hold these views go back decades, but it feels to me you are "blindly" trusting some narrow Christian sect understanding as the conceptual base of your thinking. Explaining my own views would take too long because I wrote them down elsewhere during the past 20 or so months as are result of eventually doing the bible deep study which I had sometime planned to do. Different perspectives had to be given to me before I could do this, among them a lot of context and a habit of academic study where I use the texts for my own perspectives. Only then was I able to see through the common misconceptions about what things are. I ended up with the conclusion that the Jesus most people believe in was a false prophet, and that course of development has rendered modern religion very harmful in its mainstream aspect. From my perspective >>680 >an internal struggle of faith where I attempted to align my highest energies with God/Christ over Satan, and the sinking sensation that I had broken it when it misconflated Jesus with "bad" and Satan with "good" in that one instance I was at the peak of solidifying my values This comes from your understanding being based off modern "christcuckery" and not really having a clear mind.

>>683 I'll try to repost the relevant part: The only reason the bible at large, including the new testament, has a strong structure and actually works, is the combination of archetypes inserted by oral tradition, mistranslations by illiterate monks and that even evil scum can be good channels. The new testament has a very strong energy structure, but from the view of some authors, supposing they wrote the text themselves, what they said was intended in the complete opposite of the stated result. Whether these texts can be used for personal ascension or if they will be used to feed the energy system of lies, is entirely a result of the person reading it. That's the real magic of texts like the Roman letter by Saul/Paulus. His intentions are all but pure, he just has a mind that allows for the structure to be channelled, in full, so that it can be exposed exactly as it is. He does a lot of exposing of evil, simply because he knows evil. The solution is not given in the text, but it also cannot be, because that is the part where you internalize it. Failing to do so will turn one into the classic Christ-cuck fanboy who can only parrot phrases but not apply them. That's how the whole "faith" business came to exist at all. The test of some of these texts is that they are pure cringe, for a sane and honest person to read them with full focus takes a lot of endurance. Only someone as cringy as the text itself will be able to take it seriously in an unironic or non-intellectual manner. >the Roman letter by Saul/Paulus I will now explain how he is wrong, but how this text can be applied correctly. Paulus argues that Adam committed the original sin which made all humans sinful after him. If one person can make everyone sinful, then one person can logically also make everyone free from sin again. The person who can do that is Jesus. By sacrificing himself on the cross, he reversed the original sin. Next argument is that Abraham and his offspring were meant to follow the laws as given by God to Moses, but they have since lived in sin, and no one who follows these laws can become free of sin again by following them. Instead, the way to become free from sin is to not follow the laws but instead seek the original intent of the laws from God directly. This assumption sounds logical, but it was made up by Paulus himself. He then goes on to argue that to remain free from sin, one must not act at all - any application of the law will automatically lead to sin, as evidenced by history. So the solution is to pretend that we are closer to God by not following the law, but instead having faith in the "original intent of God" which is beyond the law. No one can also say anything about it, because sinners can't judge sinners! Whoever then criticises him or anyone using this argument, will be accused for "lacking faith in Christ", which means to say that you do not accept his "reversal of the original sin". Now let me take this apart: The original sin by Adam was to eat the fruit of the tree of knowledge of good and evil. This symbolizes the dimension descent from original chaos, into a state of manifestation into the two material planes which are ruled by evil and then the next plane counters this by being good. If you want to reverse this "original sin", you need to stop using the material dimensions of good and evil. Paulus misconception here is that he has an unclear idea of "impurity" having somehow been inflicted on Adam and his offspring through a single act. The real "sin" is the continual usage of the material dimensions of good and evil. Every person does this, so it's more correct to compare it to scientific discovery. The original discovery made it possible to use these concepts, but you cannot go back in time and reverse discovery! If you want the new knowledge to not be used, you just stop using it yourself. This means the "original sin" is not something that happened once, performed by Adam. It happens in every generation, every human born into the dimensions of good and evil are "sinning" by being incarnated. The reversal of the sin must then be performed by every individual themselves. Jesus sacrificing himself has no effect on anyone else, he just reversed his own sin of being born, by dying. This in turn nullifies Paulus argument that you can "remain pure" by not following the law. It would have worked if you would indeed reverse the original sin of being manifested in good and evil, but you weren't, if you refer to Jesus dying. That means the "faith" is just an excuse to not follow the law, you are still a sinner, but worse - you are now a sinner who thinks you are better than others for not following the law! This is how Christianity creates evil, and how the Jesuits went as far as thinking it's ok to support abortion or slaughter children. They think they are freed from sin eternally by God, through Jesus' death, and that all laws are then void and they can do anything. The result of this thinking is that Christians in history have been persecuted both for rebelling against all laws, but also because they are following a doctrine reliant on self-sacrifice. They are referring to the death of Christ/the king as the reason they are free from sin, while brazenly acting like kings above the law themselves. Then they have to also go through with the self-sacrifice and die in the same way.

>>683 That's odd, because sirlulzingtonesquire/cereal guy memes is the exact opposite of what you call "modern christcuckery", as his memes can be taken as a post-ironic deconstruction challenging mainstream interpretation on the word of God from the perspective Christ originally taught it in and the discourse begat from it (laws of man are an inversion of God's law which permits sin yet forbids evil, Christ was murdered by romans colluding with pharisees to have His word transcribed into a means of control >man has conflated sin with wickedness and virtue with righteousness, when one is not possible without the other; one must destroy to create, and one may create to destroy, and one's virtuous actions may beget wickedness and one's sinful actions may beget righteousness, while balance creates harmony >what does it mean to live righteously? what does it mean to carry the cross? do you truly think you honor God by wearing little golden idols around your neck, paying the temple merchants your dues, and carrying on with your comfortable life? blessed are those unafraid to live, to suffer, to sin, to die for righteousness >the oligarchy of babylon has ruled for millenia, they rewrote your history and filled your scriptures with lies, downplaying their crimes and erasing the enslavement and genocides of your people; they have destroyed artifacts and shaped your nations, they wrote the script your world revolves around >the bastard son of God rides into town on an ass, proclaims himself king, and riots in the temples of the pharisees; do you trust the texts transcribed by the romans and priests that killed him? how long has the oligarchy of babylon ruled? the winners write history, who won the war of the messiah? >what did christ mean by turn the other cheek? if one gives both their tunic and cloak, are they not naked? if they have you walk a mile and you walk two, have you not walked them too far? perhaps the connotation doesn't match up with modern language, but christ simply meant we do a little trolling

>>687 There is a completely different meaning in that quote about walking the double distance, and I don't think public nudity was a problem in Rome, women could even go bare chested. What I see there, and have applied, is that forced labour can become your own agency by working voluntarily the same task. That means you own your own decision and the investment was in your own principle, not in the material gain of the slave driver. I'm not sure what the other memes are about.

>>679 I haven't been connected to reality, nor self, nor do I feel in touch with my personality, my range of interests, or any satisfaction nor meaning from anything I watch or read online. It's painful feeling locked inside of myself along with all these other energies, and on top of that I still don't know what the fuck's wrong or how to explain it.

Also even if that isn't made clear here in my post above, which was sort of a culmination of what I saw, my main point is that the apostles are using references to the old testament in an attempt at proving to Jews that Jesus matches the criteria for being their next king. But then Jesus dies and they drove themselves into this alley and can't back out, so now they have to claim he is still alive, or at least that he will rise from the dead again. But has there ever been a dead ruler still ruling, aside from maybe North Korea where the first leader is officially still the ruler (a necrocracy)? The Jews aren't looking for any dead prophet to "rule" them in some imaginary manner, they want someone like Solomon who tells them what to do! So the whole story here is one where the apostles are trying to cope with investing in a king who died before even being recognised as the king of the Jews, it's such a desperate expression of total self-humiliation, and now they can't even stop and admit; ok, he was killed, maybe it wasn't him and we were wrong despite begin bible scholars. It should be noted that this is typical Jewish behaviour, they never admit fault. Hitler also talked about how he started hating them because beat them in a debate, and the next day they will tell everyone how they won the debate. Paulus is a prime example of this, he went around for years spreading theological dung just because he couldn't handle being wrong. The books remain because he was however very exact in how he did it, which created an ok map of how people like him function, which is useful still.

>>689 You descended into hell and now you need to climb out again. It is the hell everyone is denying the existence of, and most people, being mundanes, never see it until they die. Being able to enter there while alive means a chance of also elevating yourself from it while alive.

>>688 Oligarchy of babylon referring to the church, with babylon referring to the "city of man", or in this context civilization and the governing forces ruling it. Lulzington's message eschews blind obedience in favor of wisdom and open-minded questioning and following the path one makes for themself. Would recommend poring through his post history and memes on reddit or facebook to get a fuller idea of what he speaks of, because my intellect is too dysfunctional and self-doubting to go into more complex detail.

>>692 The problem is that he is talking from a perspective of modern Christianity and from within its doctrine, mocking certain ideas while promoting others within the same bucket. None of these as I see it have any foundation in the bible texts themselves. The new testament can't be read as stand alone because it refers to the old testament. All this "gospel of Christ" stuff and handing out the NT-only in printed pocket books is meaningless cult behaviour unless you suppose that everyone on the street has a firm grounding in the old testament already. It wouldn't even work in Israel unless you did it at some orthodox quarter because almost no one knows those texts or understands what the NT refers to. If you want to argue about it with me, you have to take it from the angle that I don't have any grasp on the beliefs of Christians at all from an inside view. When I decided to get into this I started by reading the books of Moses while applying a Kabbalistic approach as described by a Jew to get the perspective right from the beginning. Then when I got to the new testament it all made sense, but it didn't convince me at all. I just see a bunch of Jews arguing with other Jews while making a lot of almost archetypal mind-tripping. It's more like a catalog of all the ways a person can mentally fool themselves to keep living in denial, and when you take all those techniques aside and formalize them you get Christianity.

>>693 >when you take all those techniques aside and formalize them you get Christianity Then create a social infrastructure to materialize these in the most basic manner and you get democracy and the welfare nanny state, complete with feminism and child murder, as today. And it's all excused because God Forgives. According to Paulus.

>>693 >The problem is that he is talking from a perspective of modern Christianity and from within its doctrine, mocking certain ideas while promoting others within the same bucket. I doubt the Gospel of Thomas or the Gospel of Judas are within modern Christianity, nor the fact that he basically derides the notion of venerating the cross on which Jesus died for man's salvation as asinine, given that it was a torture device He was forced to carry, humiliated, and executed upon, or that the nobles in the Roman government transliterated his word into a means of control. >the bastard son of God rides into town on an ass, proclaims himself king, and riots in the temples of the pharisees; do you trust the texts transcribed by the romans and priests that killed him? how long has the oligarchy of babylon ruled? the winners write history, who won the war of the messiah? >>688 >There is a completely different meaning in that quote about walking the double distance, and I don't think public nudity was a problem in Rome, women could even go bare chested. What I see there, and have applied, is that forced labour can become your own agency by working voluntarily the same task. That means you own your own decision and the investment was in your own principle, not in the material gain of the slave driver. The meaning here refers to "malicious compliance", or making the punishment basically pointless by backhanded obedience. I wish I had the intellectual capabilities to argue further with you on here that I did then, but that part of me's been gone for a while. >>694 >welfare nanny state, complete with feminism and child murder, as today. And it's all excused because God Forgives. According to Paulus. None of which lulzington is for, I'd recommend reading more into his posts >>631 to get a clearer perspective on what he speaks of.

>>672 I've also some serious problems actually falling and staying awake, since my mind tends to be on high alert even when I'm lying motionless, and trying to approach a calmer state results in my heart beating like crazy. Feels like some restless negative energy needs to be let out from there, some issue that I'm looking to be resolved yet can't find nor manifest a solution for.

>>722 >even when I'm lying motionless, and trying to approach a calmer state results in my heart beating like crazy. That an energy attack. Some are spiritual but some are directly attacks from glowies/psiops. If you have imageboard presence and especially on here, they know who you are. Try these if you are open for using creations by someone else. They're sigils for defense against some kinds of attacks like these.

>>722 >Feels like some restless negative energy needs to be let out from there Yeah the things I found in your psyche made me rethink many parts of spirituality once again. I am not sure where to even start. I will get back to this whole conversation with the other anon because your interpretation of christianity and your inner archetypal forces are at odds for the dumbest reasons but this was not the main problem. Main problem... There are too many tbh. Let's go back to "God" telling you about hell and DXM. You see taking drugs causes 2 well known things. It alters your mindwaves and opens holes on the energy body. This is something well known in medical and spiritual circles. Now WHAT I DID NOT KNOW SO FAR is that it actually opens a gate in your subconscious into HELL. You see being a psychic a medium or a mystic you learn how to open and close gates within your subconscious into other influences. There are mindcontrol agents that also do that's an other topic.. It seems DXM generates that "high" via opening a gate into your subconscious and as the lower energies of the subconscious get flushed into that realm they "burn" in a sort of lava and that mental energy "Instadeath" causes an energy boost to some parts of your mind. That place looks like a volcanic realm with crabs and ghosts that change appearance from the most beautiful to the most horrible within seconds. They cannot be purged they do not "fear" the "light of God" the only thing that worked was a low vibrational sound that made them disinterested then they went away. Took me time to realize what those ghosts were... They were the subconscious forces of the common subconscious of the DXM addicts. Making any "shiny" light for them makes them attracted. Only a weird vibrational noise reminds them that they need to go home. The "lava crabs" were the low born parasites that cleaned up the place from the psychic trash. Born from trash remade into trash eaters. And yes they go into the minds of DXM addicts too but overall unable to live there longterm I realized I have no way banishing that mental hole for you in a way it won't be opened at your next trip. So I asked some experts how to deal with this and it turned out there is a sort of "worm" in that lava that can grant a stronger metabolic energies that can help you naturally close that gate in your mind on your own. This whole experience was so fucking weird and uncanny and I realized I have no way communicating this especially in my sorry state so I decided to remain silent. I activated a "Metabolic boost" that might slowly heal your gates from the DXM realm. Oh and that "God" was you higher self. Managed to merge with him and his anger merged with mine and I was not the same for a day. Your giftedness is making you do the worst things and he is struggling relaying information for you. I will explain that further but I am still recuperating. Had to mantra many higher Buddhist principles to stay sane. I don't even know where to continue. >>724 Also use his thing. It should work. Hope it fixes some problems because holy shit. I knew every person is a mystery already but fucking hell. Good thing I am protected by enough entities for these things and it's an useful experience into the psyche of the modern substance abusers. I just realized again that I don't know shit about the human psyche.

>>725 > opens a gate in your subconscious into HELL I'm not much for diving into others' minds, glad someone is. Looking at it based on what you describe, this is simply the self perception of the past life, where the Ego hides. You can access it by looking with your physical eyes to the direction of down-left, this locks your mind into opening it. Looking anywhere to the right will block it again, so for some minor help when working on it you can keep looking right (it's common NLP). Ask this fairy for help, she isn't dangerous so no need to hide her.

>>672 Given that I too was also raised culturally catholic and got the whole "going to hell for using drugs" bit on the side of my mind, I'm not entirely surprised that it did open that gate, but I'm also dismayed and frustrated that I inadvertantly opened that portal instead of opening one to heaven or the dextroverse, somewhere better. I did manage to semi-popularize DXM on /x/ more by thinking about threads and further mention of it there when I was on it, and the first years since 2019 that I was dexing weren't awful. I hadn't even dexed this year since the end of March, and only three-ish trips this month. That aside, I've been feeling rather cold, sleep still difficult as ever, ruminating about not having recovered all of myself by next month, and those damn heart tremors. I let my intrusive thoughts guide me to making the worst of those gifts or higher abilities, and by trying to ground myself I can only pray for forgiveness and restoration.

>>726 >I'm not much for diving into others' minds Me neither. This is new for me. I only managed to get this far because of her muse was willing to guide me. Also it was like a 6 pointed star and this was left but the a little "topleft". This released a shackle on his ego but his own hold and concept on the ego is not "tangible" enough so I need to understand further principles before I give any advice how to proceed. The energies need to stabilize. And time heals. Rushing things is never wise especially if the direction is unclear. And yes this "faces that look into the eternal past" and into the "eternal future" is a theme I too am acquainted with but I am not expert on using it. My mind is still too unsteady to look into those places. The past is a lesson while a future is a warning and a guidance but I will have to accept what happens when I look into that. Accepting things is still hard for me. >Looking anywhere to the right will block it again Yeah I didn't look into the realms of the right yet. Nor for myself nor for him. >(it's common NLP) If you look up it's visual if the middle it's auditory if you look down it's kinetic. Forgot the directions but they change depending on your dominant hand or for genders? Damm I forgot. >>727 >Given that I too was also raised culturally catholic and got the whole "going to hell for using drugs" "Hell" is not exactly a "bad" place. Yes they are horrible and painful but they are a sort of "recycle" realms. Without hell there is no heaven if there is no hell but there is heaven that means we are in hell. There are many elemental planes and the other. This is why drugs and magic is forbidden in many religions and many other laws what is and isn't "kosher" because once you are influenced or bound by these realms "God" has a hard time salvaging you in a way it wont be painful. The problem is not coming from your parents nor from your worldview. This is how things work. If you step into shit you will smell like shit. You need to know how to avoid shit or how to clean it. >but I'm also dismayed and frustrated that I inadvertantly opened that portal instead of opening one to heaven You need to be "ready" for that. Heaven is even more tricky than hell. Especially if you are willing to go "beyond". >or the dextroverse This is the "aftereffect" of that. This is the "hell" of the dextoverse. This is no christian nor chinese nor muslim hell. This is more of an "elemental plane" than an actual hell. Elemental planes appear as hell to many people not knowing the differences. The problem ofc that this plane is "new" therefore there are no easy knowhows for it. Also you have no need for the "dextroverse" your higher mind can grant better sights and insights when you dare to unlock it. >That aside, I've been feeling rather cold, sleep still difficult as ever Yes these elemental energies are supposed to be at your lower chakras and not in your "head". Your energy circulation is whacked and I am still trying to think up the way to restore it but >and only three-ish trips this month Yeah... You see until you reawaken your metabolism every try into the wrong direction weakens it. I don't even know what kind of chemical imbalance you have. Don't you know sites that tell you what to eat to help alleviate this kind of "hangover"? Like eating red meat and eggs and toasted bread or something with nutrients and some vitamins? >I let my intrusive thoughts guide me to making the worst of those gifts or higher abilities Am glad you are seeing it. >and by trying to ground myself I can only pray for forgiveness and restoration You need strength. You need to get a grip. But I have no idea if it's even possible to even explain how to do that. >>726 Whatever stare at pic related and try to call it. Might work but I think you need a "bloodinfusion" level spiritual intervention and while that fairy does that it depends on your own zeal and conviction how well you can apply it.

>>728 Looking directions in NLP are: >up left, recalling visuals >middle left, recalling audio >down left, recalling emotion (personal experiences) This correlates with the Ego and also the most misused of the abilities, because people today use it to "learn" instead of actually learning things as visuals or speech. >up right, constructing images >middle right, constructing speech >down right, constructing (imagining) tactile experiences

>>728 >Yeah... You see until you reawaken your metabolism every try into the wrong direction weakens it. I don't even know what kind of chemical imbalance you have. Don't you know sites that tell you what to eat to help alleviate this kind of "hangover"? Like eating red meat and eggs and toasted bread or something with nutrients and some vitamins? Hangover? Typically I get a DXM afterglow, but these recent "DXM" trips barely felt like it. Seems like energy that should've been radiating from my heart outwards were trapped inside there, and the coldness and other sensations weren't typical of my experiences.

>>732 >Typically I get a DXM afterglow Yeah I have no idea how to even imagine that. What do you even feel? It should be just a release of the extra energies winding down but I don't know enough. >but these recent "DXM" trips barely felt like it This is the problem with drugs. Once the body acquires tolerance you are out of luck. >Seems like energy that should've been radiating from my heart outwards were trapped inside there So it radiates from your central? >and the coldness and other sensations weren't typical of my experiences. Yeah I too had that. If you overcharge your energy body with "too hot" lavalike energies your physical body must cool you down with cold energies. I too had this physical body is completely cold while the energy body is overcharged with heat and my senses want me to take off all clothes and vice versa. It was an energy body activation sequence going a little bit wild. I still have it sometimes but I know how to apply and move the energies nowadays. The problem is that your wiring is unintentional and figuring out what is where takes time. Especially because I am usually only diving into my own mind and you live your life completely differently from mine so I need time to adjust that I am (in) a completely different person. What might be obvious for you might be completely outlandish for me. And let's not talk about the things that are outlandish for both of us then I have to figure out how to explain it.

>>733 >Yeah I have no idea how to even imagine that. What do you even feel? It should be just a release of the extra energies winding down but I don't know enough. Very serotonergic, pleasant and rejuvenating. But that wasn't present these last few trips. Also, tolerance from what I heard might be permanent, though it's been six months between the last one last year and the first one this year. >So it radiates from your central? Yes, though it also radiates from the center of my head as well. Aside from that, it's concerning how my first impulse upon waking up is to force myself to try to go back to sleep to reclaim those lost hours, and the dreadful feeling of another stale internet experience. Not much of anything to do outside, either.

>>733 For a faint moment, I could visualize the bad times this year (the past 48 days) as one mostly dark, drab, yet vaguely menacing void with a rickety, white, zig-zagged bridge running through the center, representing the only element of me present - consciousness. Normally he other colors, are a set of colors representing of feeling to the current moment in the current space and time, with the subconscious emotional impression represented in a "heavier", more faded orange, a yellow that could reach near-white brilliances representing the "feeling" of objects and people nearby as masses, green meaning a radiant, warm love and sense and comfort gauge in the moment, blue for higher, more developed and intellectually refined big-brain thoughts, the internal images being a flickering TV error screen of sorts... you kinda see it. Forgive the delete and reupload, the formatting was weird on the previous send.

>>736 >as one mostly dark, drab, yet vaguely menacing void Yes that is your "background noise" but now it's conquerable once you dare to walk forward >with a rickety, white, zig-zagged bridge running through the center, representing the only element of me present - consciousness. NICE. Finally you are connecting back to your self. Walk through that bridge. See where it leads. You might find other sources and they might tell you what to do. Also yes your mind is brighter now. It was a weird dark grainy thing the last time I checked. You can do it. >you kinda see it Yeah... nah. I am far more analytic to compensate my otherworldly intuition so I can translate my own thoughts better. While I can use my mind like this I rarely do it because my mind is mostly for problem solving and future planning and not exactly a sort of internal canvas of emotions. >blue for higher, more developed and intellectually refined big-brain thoughts It usually represents the "higher academic" level. Ascendent thoughts have far more colors present. >the internal images being a flickering TV error screen of sorts... Is it now or is it always an error screen? Why an error screen? What causes the error? >Forgive the delete and reupload, the formatting was weird on the previous send Yeah no worries. I don't mind if you do it for fixing formatting I hate when you write down something useful then delet it. You don't exactly understand what I require accidentally manage to write it then delet it and if I don't manage to catch it (I am not terminally online sry) then it's lost forever. Also yes now that your body is going through an energetic reconfiguration you might feel weird and dumb for a while. Do not push yourself. Feel your "self" feel where it "leads" try to reconnect to all things that you can see.

>>742 >NICE. Finally you are connecting back to your self. Walk through that bridge. See where it leads. You might find other sources and they might tell you what to do. Also yes your mind is brighter now. It was a weird dark grainy thing the last time I checked. You can do it. No, I was on weed and I remembered the mental schema I had for this year's progression. Far from connecting back to myself, it still feels like I'm in an endless black void of limbo where nothing captivates my interest and I'm just "existing". Still don't feel connected to my higher academic level thoughts nor any other thoughts or emotions within that range, and my heart still beats madly when I'm trying to sleep or meditate, like I'm "locked out" of the higher spiritual realms. >Is it now or is it always an error screen? Why an error screen? What causes the error? Easily describable visual shorthand for the numerous different scenes and vivid, lifelike memories. Each and every one precisely marked by a date and time, all interconnected and flowing (again, like a film reel.) This "oneness" or recount of everything throughout my life is... gone. I'm convinced the wizard erroneously deleted it, and I'm scared that my personal world is ending. Might ask you to look into my crown and third eye chakra, or perhaps my heart chakra. It's like if I open it up, all the bad shit I've been attempting to demanifest or hold back might come forth. Intrusive thoughts of a brief flash of some creepy underage shit on sportschan that I try my hardest to scrub from my memory, lingering remnants of a past evil I banished with the help of an anon, fear of having permanently lost my full "self" even with affirmations in reverse psychology. I want to trip again, but I'm not sure how to proceed in the trip to relink those parts of me.

>>742 Oh, and be sure to disentangle my psyche from /ng/ on /x/ - Seeing DXM and Psychonautwiki was freaky, but Burial getting mentioned there is too much.

>>742 >NICE. Finally you are connecting back to your self. Walk through that bridge. See where it leads. You might find other sources and they might tell you what to do. Also yes your mind is brighter now. It was a weird dark grainy thing the last time I checked. You can do it. I'm not any more connected to myself than I was at the time of typing that. Still feel disconnected from my higher ambitions, all the way down to recollection of past weeks' events. Can't even remember where I spent time besides the two imageboards I psychically degraded through manifestation, and the more sophisticated thought streams that allow me to parse more abstract, complex personal issues in my head isn't there.

>>754 Yeah while looking at you I realized a core issue within my own personality that I have to fix first before I can help your further. Currently you are "rejecting yourself". I have seen an image yesterday where your muse is trying to hug you and you are constantly brushing her away without noticing. >>746 >I was on weed I am not sure how much weed you are doing but it causes a brainfog that hampers some aspects of spirituality. I too did weed 3 times in the uni with my roommates but I kinda got bored of it because it had minor effect on me while it took away my mental capacities for like 4 hours. It was annoying. In your current state weed might have some minor beneficial ways of lowering stress short term but I am not sure what else it does to you because since weed is legal at most places there are so many weed types I don't know what they do anymore. The problem is that your meridians are looking like the meridians of a junkie so reactivating your light in a way you just simply don't go back being a junkie by reflex is hard. I don't have enough experience with these kind of issues yet. The problem is that I am not sure what to do. Things need to change but I am not sure into what direction. I will need to do an another deep dive again if things don't improve. >>751 >Burial getting mentioned there is too much Burial?

>>756 >Burial? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8k_f2QK77ew >Currently you are "rejecting yourself". I have seen an image yesterday where your muse is trying to hug you and you are constantly brushing her away without noticing. Trying not to, though on my end it still feels like I'm locked out of my being.

>>756 Hope you're able to find out what exactly is wrong with me, wiz. I really hope nothing of me was permanently lost.

>>771 >I really hope nothing of me was permanently lost Nothing is truly lost it's just I found out several things that I have to learn to fix within myself first before I can fix you. What DXM did is a sort of "quickburn". I am not exactly aware of the details but instead like in cultivation you slowly gather enough energy until "every cup is filled" then you go to the next step the drug "squeezes out" the energy for a quick experience then the metaphysical organ goes dormant for a while until it recharges the energies. So I have to understand how your "real heart" operated what parts of your psyche developed naturally and which parts of it had an "unnatural growth" then "weed out" the deformities and reactivate your original flow. In theory this sounds EASY now the problem is that you are not really a "mental" person like the average wizard but more akin an "artist" and you work by the heart therefore if you are blocking your own emotional flow aka "not trusting your heart" aka being scared because your energetic dominance is not apparent you need a push in the right direction but in a way you become your own propelling force. Whatever the point is that I have to find my own "true heart" first. Because I am not like you for me my emotions were a mere tool on my path and a force I tamed into absolute submission and not a creative carefree force of positive emotions. Hard to explain further. The language of the heart is not easy. Had to work with them on my awakening before but that didn't mean the work was over. Currently I am looking for my own "true ennui". For some reason that ennui is an awakening propellant force for me. Most of my lives where I encountered ennui my mind quietened a connection got established with my higher forces and a partial awakening got initiated. I have to figure out this emotion so I can reconnect to my own "true emotions". Without my own true emotions I am unable to flush out your current faulty emotions that you are clogging with lower emotions. Truth is I never understood your kind in the past. How you can be carefree live without a care not planning for the future constantly not seeing the forces that overtaking your life in a mile away and somehow still surviving. Now that I am reconnecting to my heart I can understand it better but I am still confused on many levels. The mysteries of the heart. What brings us together and how we bond through existence. The eternal rhythm of the cosmic dance. >Hope you're able to find out what exactly is wrong with me I could summarize it as a "lack of faith within yourself" but I am not sure I would be able to list the problems that might block your faith currently. >wiz This wizard is returning to become the fool again who wanders eternally to the next destination and help those that were as foolish as him once. I miss that part of myself. It needs to return.

>>772 >How you can be carefree live without a care not planning for the future constantly not seeing the forces that overtaking your life in a mile away and somehow still surviving. Something to do with awareness but mostly my imagination and belief would be the driving factor, visualizing and believing in future events and manifesting them the way of Neville Goddard. DXM was a great way of potentiating this method and enmeshing my will within the collective unconscious and/or the fabric of reality, but that's neither here nor there after March. Surely you understand what it means to be connected to reality/source/the world and able to form memories based on specific, inextricable emotional impressions and able to revisit them mentally? My vocabulary after the second 4-AcO-DMT or Chakra charmed mushroom gummy trip is insufficient to sufficiently articulate this, and I'm a bit frustrated you're not exactly picking up on it based off my description, but that grounding still isn't there.

>>783 >DXM was a great way of potentiating this method and enmeshing my will within the collective unconscious and/or the fabric of reality Yeah the problem is that you entered the "collective unconscious" through the DXM hell. But the damage should heal already so no need to worry >Surely you understand what it means to be connected to reality/source/the world Yeah the thing is we connect to it different ways or via different dimensional/energetic pathways and most importantly different parts of the world matrix. Like when you connect to the internet you merely connect to one of many servers and not to one single super server. The world egregore can be similar not to mention when there are special egregores like the internet the military use and other "encryptions". The "source" is not always a singular point of existence for everybody. All roads lead to Rome as the saying goes but that does not mean we all go by the same road. >able to form memories based on specific, inextricable emotional impressions and able to revisit them mentally? Yeah my problem is that I mostly used my memory as a informational database mostly for my academics and other mundane occupations while my higher mind operates completely differently that deals with spirituality. Past events were not as important for me as for you so now I have to go and develop the organs that resonate the energies that way. Hard to explain. We are not the same but that doesn't mean I wanted to avoid developing this part of myself. I have to retain it because it is an important part of the human psyche anyway. >My vocabulary after the second 4-AcO-DMT or Chakra charmed mushroom gummy trip ... Just how many mind altering drugs did you do. No need to list if you don't feel comfortable talking about it but geez. No wonder your meridians look like an average junkie with minimal spiritual potential. Found a new insight into your psyche as my heart develops again but damm >and I'm a bit frustrated you're not exactly picking up on it based off my description Yeah I just found out yesterday that your "ADHD" is currently looking like a scared mouse like critter running amok in your psyche in a green hazy environment. It only calms down if it finds "food" or similar stimulants. >but that grounding still isn't there I wonder how these forces will ground and harmonize. But I have to establish my own higher energies before I try to do anything.

>>645 > What you described as your "abilities" are something 99% of wizards have by default Yeah, they're less of abilities and more basic cognitive attributes that for some reason are inaccessible. >>792 >Yeah the problem is that you entered the "collective unconscious" through the DXM hell. But the damage should heal already so no need to worry It was heaven for the most part up until that point (Feb 10th 2022), but part of what's lost is that hyperactive, child-like spontaneity, humor, and creativity that's been with me throughout my entire life. >Just how many mind altering drugs did you do. No need to list if you don't feel comfortable talking about it but geez. No wonder your meridians look like an average junkie with minimal spiritual potential. Found a new insight into your psyche as my heart develops again but damm Was re-referencing a trip I had short over two months ago to contextualize this gradual downfall.

>>792 All I can say is that energies aren't flowing like they should be and certain pathways that should be activated by substances (DXM trips aren't very cognitive like normal, nicotine no longer triggers that headrush) and instead of an internal 24/7 stream of thought that doubles as an internal "hub" is now replaced by a constantly restarting, struggling "beat" in the center of my heart desperately seeking something to hyperfixate on to mark/define this current period of my life in. I can look back on the first two months of this year and gleam some sort of schema from it, but I can't for the life of me parse what happened in march to lose this ability. I don't even feel alive or living and I'm scared I lost something crucial to my being. My thoughts no longer influence reality and subtle misfortune meets me in unexpected places.

>>798 >instead of an internal 24/7 stream of thought that doubles as an internal "hub" is now replaced by a constantly restarting, struggling "beat" in the center of my heart desperately seeking something to hyperfixate on to mark/define this current period of my life in. Expand on this. It sounds like it's the core of your energetic issue so it's probably important. What exactly do you mean by "seeking something to hyperfixate on to mark/define this current period of my life in"? Was this desire present before you started experiencing these issues? What would a fulfillment of this desire look like? Play it out in your mind to see where the desire is coming from. >My thoughts no longer influence reality All thoughts influence reality, even if you can't see it directly. The issue isn't that your thoughts have become impotent, it's that a psycho-spiritual change, outside of your conscious awareness, has begun drowning them out, or altering their contents such that their manifestation differs from what you're used to. The key here is to uncover the nature of this change.

>>800 >What exactly do you mean by "seeking something to hyperfixate on to mark/define this current period of my life in"? Hard to define, though I tend to chronologically contextualize my memories by associating media/people/places that get my attention with the time I discover them in, like little "phases" of my life. There wasn't a desire prior because it's more of a conscious process compiled from subconscious elements, and the desire came back once I started feeling "empty", that I wasn't "in my lane".

>>803 Maybe you just need to find a new purpose.

>>812 But this is about recovering parts of me I can't do without. Without it, I can't form meaningful memories, criticism, engross myself in nor analyze anything in depth. I feel tangibly dumber and more hindered in thought, imagination, feeling, and will if I can't overcome it.

>>813 All power needs a purpose. If you're feeling a desire from your heart to seek something, I'd go ahead and seek something until you find it. Whatever that is.

>>814 That's basically the entire point of my journey from March 27th and onward. Feeling somewhat despondent as the time disparity between the last time I was ontologically intact and now has grown, and my ability to parse what the fuck even happened let alone how to regain that same integrity wanes.

>>672 >I will recuperate a little then try to write down what I found yesterday so you can understand what your nemesis and you managed to accidentally get into. What would that be?

>>816 >What would that be? Yeah it's complicated and I still don't have the full image but seems like you managed to merge with your fathers mind and will and that is what resulted in you making that thing with Jesus because you don't believe in your higher self but require a "savior" (which blocks your access to your own higher self which makes Jesus kinda akin to the devil) then you managed to switch it further because your father also thinks you "worship the devil" with drugs and other things. Not to mention the "devil" also has a female version which means you filled the "negative female" archetype with the death mother but she is banished now so it's not really important anymore. There were other things too but they are not that important. I had a plan how to heal you but I managed to realize what I am trying to do is not easy. Hard to explain but I will try. My plan was to figure out how your inspiration based "half passive" visualization works then tune my own to it realize the higher version of that aid the opening of that ability within you then you go and instead of looking back into a past you realize a new ability. So if your previous ability was like lvl 5 then I would upgrade it to lvl 7 then you personally develop it to lvl 8 and it grounds within your persona. The problem was that I realized that I usually care about the future and rarely about the past which means my ability into the past was around lvl 3. My family usually compliments how I have a good memory for events and about my life but I rarely care about dates and such not to mention for me my past is a negative thing. I have many grievances. So to unlock this ability to a level where I can access the higher version I had to revisit my past in a detailed way which made me aware just how much I hate everyone. Then as my subconscious made me swear like a sailor and ranted like a madman about all the negative emotions I bottled up then as I was able to not let it overtake me but took a step back and watched that mental current rant on it's own I realized I had to let these energies go away and I had to slowly realize the "good" things that were in my past so I stop denying the past. This kinda made me lose my edge and my confidence in my own magic because I just became aware of the emotional negligence I let my energy body go through. Without the past there can be no future. So I am working this out and started to look into books about the meridians because without properly understanding this whole thing I will just lose my touch... >>814 Sadly this is what I am trying to tell you but >>815 I understood weeks ago that for you your ability was always something "granted" therefore you are too scared to exist if you are not certain that it's there. And this misalignment makes you too scared and uneasy so you can realign yourself. You require a sudden bone cracking move that the chiropractors do. Currently I am unable to fix this part of you in a meaningful way. I have to retain my past and understand the lessons from a new perspective and while I thought it would be easy it's not. Engrossing myself in the past? WHY THE FUCK WOULD I DO THAT. All those people all those faggots only cared about making the lives of others worse while clinging to a minor hope and proving that everything they do is good then crying about their constant hopelessness they do not know anything and constantly trying to prove me that I should not be so full of myself. If they knew anything they wouldn't be miserable. The only thing they knew how to make others more miserable and they were bad even at that. Hope was something I had to find reach and maintain for myself because i could never ever rely on those fucks in any meaningful way. Finding that "criticism" part of your mind is making me far more aware of the shit I had to put up with. I didn't put them into words because there was no need. I bottled up those energies and used it as a fuel. Beggars can't be choosers. You work what you have. Nowadays I have far more and I have to vent these energies out but it's not easy. Reaching the carefree fool that can walk and laugh as freely as the wind blows takes time for me. I was a walking resentment. If it weren't for my mind and my intuition that made me aware of the other stages of existence and made me never lose hope in it's pursuit I don't know what would have happened to me. I never managed to realize just how much issues the dormant parts of my psyche has. And your active parts are literally on the side where my dormancy lies. Helping you with some stop gap measure will not solve anything but currently I am not even sure what counts as help in your case anymore. Maybe you found an another way already. I really hope you did but my intuition is not really saying positive things so I am not sure. I think I need one more week at minimum to reach a breakthrough. I never thought looking into my past will reveal my past on the afterlife. Now I am aware of my emotions that I had while being dead. I cannot even describe how bad they were because they are something mortals can rarely comprehend while being "alive"

>>821 >Yeah it's complicated and I still don't have the full image but seems like you managed to merge with your fathers mind and will More like reduced the complexity and depth of mine to his, but that's secondary compared to this all-encompassing emptiness and meaningless that's plagued me for over a month now. Theere's not a day where I don't attempt to revisit those memories and fantasize about the first two months of this year when I was still myself, but returning to that state of spiritual/mental completion is next to impossible. Memories associated with songs are in danger of getting overwritten, everything since the wizard took that "entity" out of my third eye and left that construct in has largely been forgotten as the part of me that receives emotional imprints is either disabled or nonexistant, and I've faded into this state between despondent apathy and nothingness attempting to recollect my identity. It's been 51 days and I still don't know what the hell happened or how to even mentally represent it. This isn't how this year should've played out, now I'm out of bounds in terms of my schema to where even the most fleeting semblance of progress ultimately turns up meaningless. No longer this young, quirky, spontaneous artist with a diverse taste in music, artistic prowess, deep insight, but a semi-thoughtless husk attempting to reignite his >and that is what resulted in you making that thing with Jesus because you don't believe in your higher self but require a "savior" (which blocks your access to your own higher self which makes Jesus kinda akin to the devil) I don't get what you mean by this and this couldn't be further from the truth. Jesus was the body of Christ, the apotheosis of man, anointed by God - and I've always wanted to connect to my higher self. A DXM binge with Delta 8, some alcohol, nicotine, and sirlulzingtonesquire memes on top of years of intrigue traversing my spiritual journey lead up to this point of discovering Christ on my own terms. I beefed with that deranged narcissistic fraud on /ng/ since my outrage was letting him pervert my understanding with his repetitive MKULTRA keyphrases and I had to shoot that shit down. Complete inverse of what I foresaw happening, and being on this "losing" side consigning myself to an eternal slapfight has lead me to no longer "existing" in any real capacity. >then you managed to switch it further because your father also thinks you "worship the devil" with drugs and other things. Except he doesn't? >Not to mention the "devil" also has a female version which means you filled the "negative female" archetype with the death mother but she is banished now so it's not really important anymore. There were other things too but they are not that important. >Maybe you found an another way already. I really hope you did but my intuition is not really saying positive things so I am not sure. Strongly doubt I have. I've relapsed into playing an old block shooter game since I am this unable to tap into my own interests nor creativity. Something about the internet feels a lot more "dead" and it saddens me a bit.

>>824 >this couldn't be further from the truth Oh so you know the truth? Then pursue it on your own. >Jesus was the body of Christ, the apotheosis of man, anointed by God >discovering Christ on my own terms Well congrats then. This is where "finding Christ" led you. I guess it's time for you to start visiting churches then and becoming a true christian instead of doing drugs and asking internet wizards on websites that host porn for help. Go and talk with Jesus then if you think he is so great. You have no idea what is and isn't Jesus. If you truly believe in him then pray to him go to church and be part of a christian community. Repent. If you are on this mindset I am unable to help you further. Might be crazy for you but the "body and blood of Christ" was not >A DXM binge with Delta 8, nicotine and only catholics believe that >some alcohol is the blood of Christ but only given by a priest. Circles outside of catholics laugh about the idea that other people beyond Jesus can grant the "blood and body of Christ". Maybe there are christian druggies on the internet who can help you. I am not one of them. >anointed by God Do you have any idea what that even means? >Except he doesn't? You don't understand how the christian mindset works at all. If you don't follow Jesus then you follow the devil. Doing drugs is not considered "okay" by the church. I didn't said he said this but you managed to make your own psyche more resistant and fearful after doing drugs after partially merging with your "dad" >Something about the internet feels a lot more "dead" Maybe for you. I know how to look for places that are not riddled with braiwashed normalfags. >I've relapsed into playing an old block shooter game Do whatever that calms you. I realized how your "mental critique" works and how you transform energies into words and I realized I am incapable of explaining it to you how that will just lead you towards a dead end. We are supposed to use words to "invite" energies and work with the energies without words and thoughts and try to let go of the desire of sensory stimulation during the process or it dooms the sorcerer but I have no idea how to explain it to someone who "found Jesus" with drugs and memes. >Jesus was the body of Christ And Donald was the body of Trump? Oh wait he is still alive guess he is still his own body. You realize that we worship a corpse on a cross and the "body and blood" of Jesus came from the flesh Jesus who had to die and go to an apotheosis and "ate" his own body so he is anything but the corpse that was on the cross. >always wanted to connect to my higher self Yes and he told you taking DXM will lead you to hell. Not to mention that was not even your full higher self but a warning mechanism manifesting. Srsly. Go to church. Enjoy the "spiritual community" there. Especially if you want to find Jesus on your "own terms". I will not tell you to touch grass because you should touch holy water you devout christian.

I still consider this whole minigame of this thread to be "done" in the relevant aspect, but it also needs to be manifested properly. Thinking back at my of process of this same (kind of) thing, it's not fast or funny, so maybe I should apply a less careful approach and just blast through and it will be faster for you after all. It doesn't seem like the "nice" way is any funnier. Whatever I say won't mean anything in this context so I just won't explain it. Did a ritual earlier today to cause a structured hindrance to the movements of harmful evil everywhere, and although the effects will spread on their own over time, it should help to just do it in a directed manner as well. Think of a black cat and a sunrise

>>828 >Oh so you know the truth? Then pursue it on your own. What I meant is that I believe you misread my perspective. >This is where "finding Christ" led you. I guess it's time for you to start visiting churches then and becoming a true christian instead of doing drugs and asking internet wizards on websites that host porn for help. Go and talk with Jesus then if you think he is so great. You have no idea what is and isn't Jesus. If you truly believe in him then pray to him go to church and be part of a christian community. Repent. I am not of this spiritually circumcized "christian" mentality that you direct your hate against, and neither was the inspiration that brought me to a semblance of existential self-understanding, Sirlulzingtonesquire who questions the common christian conceptions surrounding Christ's narrative and the meaning of His words. I'd go further in depth but the lack of brainpower I can allocate towards explaining my beliefs and angle hasn't been there and it's frustrating as shit. >They mocked christ as he suffered on the cross, the romans and the jews, the soldiers and the pharisees, they all point back and forth saying it was one or the other that was to blame but they all rejected christ and all have His blood on their hands; you do not honor him, but in fact mock christ by celebrating his murder and wearing the mark of death while you claim to know his words but in truth speak hatred or self-righteousness in his name. He who strives to be like christ and carries their own cross for all of humanity will in truth be christened by the living Father, and will themselves become Christ. When you will stand with christ not as sheep, but as a ram, and drink the bitter cup with him, so that he may suffer alone no more, you will have truly honored him >the bastard son of God rides into town on an ass, proclaims himself king, and riots in the temples of the pharisees; do you trust the texts transcribed by the romans and priests that killed him? how long has the oligarchy of babylon ruled? the winners write history, who won the war of the messiah? I am not an adherant of the spiritually enslaved church of babylon that engages in ritual cannibalism, you've gravely mistaken my beliefs. >>829 >I still consider this whole minigame of this thread to be "done" in the relevant aspect, but it also needs to be manifested properly. Can't say it's done given that I feel no closer to my original self than when I began it.

>>828 >I realized how your "mental critique" works and how you transform energies into words and I realized I am incapable of explaining it to you how that will just lead you towards a dead end. It's more of an intellectual ability to parse and express abstract concepts and higher thoughts through word and dissect it through critical evaluation to see it for what it is. I'd express this in a more refined manner, but I'm cognitively burdened through energetic blockages constraining my thought as a result of my exasperation and hate for that goddamn namefag "sleeper agent" and the inability to get through to him forming that invisible blockage. No levity nor breadth for intellect to breathe and complex thought to form, and only enough energy to focus on one thing at a time as opposed to being able to entertain multiple thoughts and activities at once. >Well congrats then. This is where "finding Christ" led you. I guess it's time for you to start visiting churches then and becoming a true christian instead of doing drugs and asking internet wizards on websites that host porn for help. Go and talk with Jesus then if you think he is so great. You have no idea what is and isn't Jesus. If you truly believe in him then pray to him go to church and be part of a christian community. Repent. I've posted numerous screenshots and even a few links to where I derived my beliefs that formed my spiritual awakening from which is antithetical to the mindset of a metacognitively disabled, dogmatic "devout christian" that you describe, closer in line to how Jesus' taught His lessons and the spirit behind His teachings. I've made an effort to spread them on places like /x/ and /pol/ in an attempt to get others to re-evaluate their understanding of Christ's message and understand how the insitutions of man have distorted it to promote servility and spiritual emptiness in an antithetical parody of the actual teachings and parables—which delusional, vexatious narcissists like that death worshipping "empath" refuse to acknowledge—to shift them against the shepherds of thought and peddlers of propaganda that use them as pawns and herd them into rigidly defined and clean cut labels and identities to divide them easier. This is not how it should've panned out, and I have lost my intellect, creativity, spirit, and problem solving ability. I ask for what >>405 did to be undone so as to reverse my cognitive decline, but as it seems I have came no closer to that goal and every passing day I am unable to regain my versatility and imaginativity my hope wanes further.

>>836 How are your visualization, scrying, and thoughtforming skills? You could try to just make a replacement for the... tiny jew? that got removed. Doing your own spellwork is always better than relying on others. Your issues might be also be getting caused by the spell he left behind instead of the removal of the jew. If his spell was programmed to auto-delete influences as they popped up that could cause some issues if it wasn't programmed correctly. I remember once I accidentally caused an intense 3-year drought in my old town because I did an anti-rain spell once so I could keep doing some outdoor work and apparently it just kept building up momentum...

Yeah you know I have my view, but I think you were just connecting to the original apostles, and those have now been destroyed. They had turned into something like huge mantises on the astral and committed unimaginable evil through their followers, the Jesuits. I already posted my main conclusion above in this thread >>684 which were based off just reading the text using a kabbalistic method, and not relating it to any notion from any church in an active way. While I didn't say so directly, as it's implied there, the message attributed to Jesus is a false one. We don't know if there was an original message which was correct, because if so it wasn't included in the text. The memes you posted as an answer are all referring to a compound of preconceived notions about some imagined "truth that people should see, but refuse to". But this is like reading the history of the Darwinistic view: they talk about all the different theories and how there existed multiple full skeletons of giant humans in the 1500s, which were then "lost" during various wars. Later someone saw a tooth supposedly from one of these giants, and said >lol it's an elephant and then the whole discussion is discarded in favour of conventional modern evolution theory with no explanation for how or why people even reached that belief. (There are even giants and halflings in Egyptian paintings but they're downright ignoring it, and then going >nah we don't know how they built the pyramids Giants? Hello?) Point being that if you read the bible from within the modern meme and belief complex, you will just reach the same absurd conclusions which cannot be explained to an outsider (like me). In the end all you have it the "belief" and the threat that someone who doesn't believe will have to face the consequences of their own actions and not "be saved" by someone else. Fucking welfare queen thinking. Obv you need to return to follow the law and not trust in some dead king who was never crowned or recognized.

>>837 I believe he wound up removing more than just the kike - the entire space, or apparatus it existed in. The 4-AcO-DMT trip on Feb. 13th disjoined the link I had from my crown chakra down to the heart chakra, and the wizard just straight up blinded or took out my third eye chakra. >>838 >Point being that if you read the bible from within the modern meme and belief complex, you will just reach the same absurd conclusions which cannot be explained to an outsider (like me). Have you at least read the screenshots and attempted to parse the sirlulzingtonesquire perspective? My position is his, he just summarized it far more succintly.

>>839 Well have you tried doing energy work on your head and crown to build it back up?

>>839 >Have you at least read the screenshots and attempted to parse the sirlulzingtonesquire perspective? My position is his, he just summarized it far more succintly. Explain to me what he summarized? I have never internalized the common Christian beliefs, I don't understand how they seem logical to any believer, even after decoding Paul's argument, I don't see how modern Christians and their various factions came to argue about the specific things they got hung up on (like the meaning of the holy communion or whatever caused the split of the church). I've meant to look into the history of the church from a more inclusive perspective to trace how the thinking developed, but this is a topic on the side of what I'm doing currently so I'm not going to get there in a while. TL:DR No I do not understand what sir lulzington is getting at because it implies certain meme complexes (in the original meaning of a meme, a mental gene) which I do not have. I don't know why people would listen to Paul either, unless they were massive unrepenting homosexuals who know they will never stop fucking other men, and still want to be saved. Is that it? All excuses? My excuse is better than your excuse?

>>840 My energy feels plenty constrained as I struggle to find the proper words to articulate the concepts I'm trying to lay down. >>841 You could read through it and realize that he questions fundamental christian theological points (Laws of God permitting sin yet forbidding evil whereas the Laws of Man are inverse, Jesus referring to bread and wine as his body and blood as a moral test to see if his students would question if ritual cannibalism was righteous) ultimately positing that Jesus had taught free will and seeking truth over blind obedience and that the church had twisted His doctrine into following the opposite of what He wanted, but also the interconnectivity between all three abrahamic religions as well as buddhism, zoroastrianism, with the ultimate message that God can be found through all paths. Reason why I ask you to pore through and read lulzington's posts is that you seem to be missing for the forest for the trees and focusing on extraneous details in lieu of the overarching message brought forth by Christ, and I feel like a retard attempting to explain myself, which is part of the problem I face. https://old.reddit.com/r/he_comes/comments/lh77po/what_path_is_the_path_to_god_god_is_everything/

>>842 You should try doing energy work on the areas you believe are injured and see if that helps.

>>843 Will this clear any mental dullness and restore my cognitive and metacognitive intellect? The ability to form vivid, lifelike memories with emotional undertones and create lasting impressions of certain periods of time I can mentally revisit?

>>844 It'll let you fix whatever damage the jew-removal did, if it did do any damage. Brow chakra energy work is probably a good idea for that regardless.

>>842 > with the ultimate message that God can be found through all paths This is exactly the kind of forced "message" I'm talking about. This is something modern Christians believe in, I don't know how they can think this, when it's obvious there are many gods recognized as real in the bible from the repeated stories of how various other gods are being worshipped. It's "sort of" biased in favour of Yaweh, but badly as it doesn't portray him very positively. I've already concluded that the capital G god known as Yaweh = Neptune or Poseidon, I later saw this being discussed on /x/ based on ancient texts which I had not heard of myself, so they reached the same conclusion from a different angle. Why would various other religions be leading to Poseidon and not their own patrons? Would pure land buddhism, zen buddhism, islam, hinduism etc all lead to the Greek god of the sea? Why? It's very arbitrary and farfetched.

>>842 This all also comes back to the original narrative in the new testament, some not-mentioned need for people to be "saved" from something. Did you ever notice this change of tone from the old testament? No one needs any saving there, they do their stuff and it's all good. It's all also very mundane, and not about some mystical "saving" after death. Rather it's about how they aren't following their god very well and get their family lines erased for it, but some are kept because the god needs them to carry his cult forward. So it's a relation where the god is reliant on this followers, not the other way around. In the NT it's all "submit to me, I am God" "or else". Why is he suddenly so cocky, is it even the same god anymore? This further supports my view that the god of the NT is Moloch, and that is why the Jews rejected him.

>>847 >in the beginning, twelve angels were brought into being to sculpt creation, lower gods, archons, those who are pleased with the sacrifice of blood, the archangels who rule in rebellion against the true God; the truths in your books and scrolls have been obscured by lies, and are now tools of control >the true God is no envious narcissist seeking to smite unbelievers, God is supreme, God is gracious and loving, God only wishes for us to grow as His children >that said, there is no greater way to protect oneself from the deceiver than pursuing truth >there is no greater church than the temple within you and no greater relationship with God than one you've found yourself, a personal and unique one >there is no greater salvation than one wrought of righteous acts, by your own hands, and there is no con man in shepherd's robes that can give you any salvation greater >do not fear sin, but do not lose sight of the light, pursue your destiny, and trust that God will forgive you Once again, you could read his posts from the source instead of relying on my retelling. >>846 >Why would various other religions be leading to Poseidon and not their own patrons? Would pure land buddhism, zen buddhism, islam, hinduism etc all lead to the Greek god of the sea? Why? It's very arbitrary and farfetched. Why are you diverting on this tangent posited by deranged, clueless lunatics as poseidon being the source of creation instead of one God in the roman panentheon? >This all also comes back to the original narrative in the new testament, some not-mentioned need for people to be "saved" from something. Did you ever notice this change of tone from the old testament? No one needs any saving there, they do their stuff and it's all good. It's all also very mundane, and not about some mystical "saving" after death. verses tell you to feast on the body of christ for salvation, does that make it true? even though christ himself said the only way to salvation was righteous acts?

>>847 >This is exactly the kind of forced "message" I'm talking about. This is something modern Christians believe in In what goddamn capacity do they even believe this? Have you not heard of "thou shalt have no Gods before me", a tenet widely held by modern Christianity? >I don't know how they can think this, when it's obvious there are many gods recognized as real in the bible from the repeated stories of how various other gods are being worshipped. It's "sort of" biased in favour of Yaweh, but badly as it doesn't portray him very positively. They don't think in such a manner and I haven't any idea where you derived this notion from. Have you even read the Gospel of Judas or the Gospel of Thomas? Or even know that the church redacted books that didn't align with the total deification of Christ and focused on His more human nature as heretical? Your perspective on Christianity is more aligned with the common anti-abrahamic stances on /x/ that either miss the point or fail to notice that the true god that Jesus spoke of wasn't of this disposition. At the very least try to read through lulzington's posts and notice that what he asks or speaks of doesn't strictly appeal to these specific theological points, but more overarching and in favor of the greater picture. >the bastard son of God rides into town on an ass, proclaims himself king, and riots in the temples of the pharisees; do you trust the texts transcribed by the romans and priests that killed him? how long has the oligarchy of babylon ruled? the winners write history, who won the war of the messiah?

>>848 You're just posting ramblings with no meaning here. >Why are you diverting on this tangent posited by deranged, clueless lunatics as poseidon being the source of creation instead of one God in the roman panentheon? What are you even saying here? Is this a real sentence or did you fumble on your phone? The statement that Yaweh was Poseidon came via someone who used to channel angels, I used to interact with this guy years ago before he finally left the Internet for good. He later "lost it" and started shit talking me over what someone told him, but this statement about the identity of Yaweh I was able to confirm myself. Yaweh was killed back in 2020 by the angels whom he had oppressed for a long time. This was part of the reason why the world started changing so much after that year. He later came back again as an energy form which turned into a dragon and a kind of hive of small Neptunes like the one in the game Hyperdimension Neptunia. It's probably pointless for me to even begin talking about it when your reaction to everything I've said so far is to just return to the same memetic preconceived preaching nonsense. If these were your "beliefs" before the incident, you were not rational or sensible. If you feel like a dull retard now, maybe you are just seeing yourself as you always were? I'm not intentionally trying to insult you, but you did just call me a lunatic as if what I said wasn't based on a long serious process of reason, discovery and learning involving a group competent people. >verses tell you to feast on the body of christ for salvation, does that make it true? I feel like your reading comprehension is completely missing. You are here implying that I believe everything in the bible to be literally true, when I said I use a kabbalistic reading, which means to not read it literally, but in 4 ways, literal, symbolic, allegoric and metaphorical, plus that I already argued that the NT is mostly structured nonsense, showing everyone not the truth, but how the Jesuits think so that we can avoid getting entangled in their excuses and lies. >even though christ himself said the only way to salvation was righteous acts? Did he though? And if he did, why should I take his words as having any weight, when he denies the law of the god he claims to have sent him?

>>849 >In what goddamn capacity do they even believe this? Have you not heard of "thou shalt have no Gods before me", a tenet widely held by modern Christianity? In what, what? You just said so yourself? >>842 >but also the interconnectivity between all three abrahamic religions as well as buddhism, zoroastrianism, with the ultimate message that God can be found through all paths. This is a very common way of speaking among modern Christians. You expressed the same view here, I countered it. What the hell is even going on here? >>849 >They don't think in such a manner and I haven't any idea where you derived this notion from. I derived the nothing from the Old Testament, as I said in the very quote you posted: > it's obvious there are many gods recognized as real in the bible from the repeated stories of how various other gods are being worshipped To rephrase, it assuming that your reading comprehension really is impaired: In the Bible they are repeatedly recognizing the existence of other gods, often referred to as Moloch, Malekh or Melech, Baal gods, various spellings for different "lords" whom people build sacrificial sites and temples for. If these didn't exist, there would be no need to tell them to "not have any gods beside me". By having that law for the followers of Yaweh, he is also saying that those other gods exist and are real. >rest of our post You are again implying something as if it was "common knowledge" that I should understand, but you won't tell me what it is that you are referring to. It's something in the meme complex which you accepted, but you fail to see that these ideas aren't visible to outsiders. What's your point? You are arguing against a ghost in your own head, reading things I didn't write, as if there is a hidden message between the lines which I never inserted. You're not arguing with me, you're arguing with some strawman in your own head.

I don't feel like this is getting anywhere, except that maybe I'm seeing clearer why it's so impossible to explain even basic concepts of my (or someone else's) thinking to you: you perceive everything through a very strange, narrow and specific lens which distorts everything, causing you to never see what is said to you. It feels like you out of convenience made your mind this way to drive all opposition into an arena where you have control, so that you can beat them on your own terms. But you ended up just fighting your own imagination, not the actual opposition, because the arena is too small and filled with booby traps set up for your imaged enemy, to the point they won't even enter your fighting ground, and you end up just beating no one while in a state of delusion. In short, you're like a punch drunk retired boxer, shadow boxing at a bus stop thinking you are in the ring.

>>850 These are more along the lines of taoist koans aimed at questioning the core tenets of mainstream christian beliefs surrounding God's nature and Jesus' character and teachings in that mainstream christianity is a distortion of Christ's true teachings and that this memetic complex of that which you speak of is largely off the mark from what Christ meant - He is not a shepherd that demands unconditional, unquestioning obedience, blind idolatry, and fervent devotion to the golden synagogue of Satan that parades His corpse and sanctifies the torture device the same government humiliated and executed Him upon, but a guiding, loving teacher that taught for love of one's fellow man despite differences, seeking wisdom and understanding through parable and that His kingdom is before us, as we are living art made in His image to enjoy creation and see through the deceitful and manipulative silver-tongued con-men that seek to promote spiritual subjugation, blind subservience and spiritual circumcision. eschewing of God's gifts, but full appreciation of His creation and the usage of one's curiosity to pursue knowledge and find truth for onesself. >I feel like your reading comprehension is completely missing. You are here implying that I believe everything in the bible to be literally true, when I said I use a kabbalistic reading, which means to not read it literally, but in 4 ways, literal, symbolic, allegoric and metaphorical, plus that I already argued that the NT is mostly structured nonsense, showing everyone not the truth, but how the Jesuits think so that we can avoid getting entangled in their excuses and lies. Given that Jesus delivered His teachings through a zen or buddhist style of parable, I doubt a kabbalistic reading is necessarily the correct approach, but that's not the point. What I was getting at through that copypasted quote is that Jesus wasn't some superhero savior, but a mentor figure to guide humanity through questions to promote the pursual of knowledge and wisdom. Admittively, I've not read either the new nor old testament >If these were your "beliefs" before the incident, you were not rational or sensible. To be honest, I don't get how you can say that yet conclude that Yahweh is somehow Poseidon based on another schizophrenic's thesis, but I wasn't part of your group to digest the reasoning behind it and our frameworks are quite different from eachother. > If you feel like a dull retard now, maybe you are just seeing yourself as you always were? I'm not intentionally trying to insult you, but you did just call me a lunatic as if what I said wasn't based on a long serious process of reason, discovery and learning involving a group competent people. Forgive the frustration on my behalf, but it sounded like an absurd pisstake on my beliefs to invalidate them based on some farfetched conclusion or some attempt to not try and understand things from my perspective and to instead see them from yours, but I don't intend to come off as that. >And if he did, why should I take his words as having any weight, when he denies the law of the god he claims to have sent him? Jesus' word contradicts the bible, and the laws of God as written by man aren't exactly that of the all-creating God that has sent Him. >it assuming that your reading comprehension really is impaired: In the Bible they are repeatedly recognizing the existence of other gods, often referred to as Moloch, Malekh or Melech, Baal gods, various spellings for different "lords" whom people build sacrificial sites and temples for. If these didn't exist, there would be no need to tell them to "not have any gods beside me". By having that law for the followers of Yaweh, he is also saying that those other gods exist and are real. No, see, what I meant to get at is that modern christians don't believe that God/Enlightenment can be found through all paths with >This is exactly the kind of forced "message" I'm talking about. This is something modern Christians believe in in that modern christianity only acknowledges these other Gods as false or evil, with God/YHWH being the only true God, which is contradictory to lulzington's christ-centric process-relational panentheist message (there is no one faith that leads to God, they [servants of babylon] have made sure to hide the pieces of the puzzle everywhere.) >>852 It isn't necessarily my reading comprehension that's fucked up, it's primarily the cognitive part that formulates intelligent and insightful responses, which hasn't been active in months and is part of the reason why I came to this thread to have restored. The last few posts were me being frustrated that you weren't even trying to go through his posts to better understand his (and my) beliefs, but to say I perceive everything through a myopic and shallow lens when it feels like you're being abtruse or misleading at points doesn't really help. I'm more of a struggling to retread the same concepts and knowledge I used to have because my recollection constantly flounders to put it right, which only pisses me off further because I didn't have this issue up until Feb. of this year and it hasn't improved since.

>>854 >the core tenets of mainstream christian beliefs surrounding God's nature and Jesus' character See this is the issue here, I have no idea what those are. There is no way for me to even begin grasping it because even you are just throwing loose slogan-like phrases at me and never starting from the beginning of your thoughts. I got the main story taught early on with the explanation of what the Easter is at 5 years old when going to church for kids, my first grade teacher would read the old testament to us on the reading hour. But that's the point here; it was the old testament. There was also a trilogy about Mary and Joseph written in a popular literary style where Jesus was just a baby. I don't recall him ever being a topic brought up aside from the events during Easter and some other common stories. This was of course in line with my already existing thinking and nature, so what was given to me adapted to that. The preaching about Jesus is completely alien to me, while the stories about the Ark, Samson etc were in kids shows on tv. Even after my bible study semi-retreat, I have no idea what those things you are referring to, are. Because they aren't in the bible text itself, and I see no way of connecting them to anything I read. >The last few posts were me being frustrated that you weren't even trying to go through his posts to better understand his (and my) beliefs I don't see anything there, it's just random sentences which seem to refer to something I can't see, because it was never explained to me. I don't have the concept that there is a single creator god with G, it doesn't match with my early spiritual experiences of feeling the angels over the horizon when I was just a few years old. I also instinctively thought God had to be a woman. When we went somewhere in the car and there was opera playing on the radio, I always related the female opera singer's voice with God, because it was just what felt normal to me. There is a local saint-cult which focuses a lot on some recognized but in the greater context usually ignored saints, and that also placed the focus away from any discussion or thinking about what God is or who Jesus is. And to me it was never important, because going by my early experiences, those things didn't explain anything. I have no emotional or intellectual need to explore these things, it's running off of my mind like water off a duck.

With that said, I related to the Greek mythology and the Norse mythology a lot better, these gods have meaning and feel real. I've later met a few of them both spiritually and in physical reality during covid, which seemed to create a strange situation where they could appear on the empty streets during lockdown. Yaweh trying to portray himself as the one and only God just sticks out like a cuckoo in the nest. The last piece of the jigsaw of him actually being Poseidon/Neptune made everything fall neatly into place as far as the overarching pantheon goes. The role of Moloch, "Satan" and other lords or demons mentioned in the OT (and the lesser keys of Solomon) weren't something I was interested in at the time, but they also fit right in. As I see it, modern Christians with their king-cult are the ones who can't make things into a coherent system, but have to constantly REEE about demons and heresy and whatnot. My systematic understanding is coherent and useful, and so far I've been able to add new pieces to it freely without any conflict. Trying to shoehorn the Jesus king-cult into it would not work. When you have a huge integrated cosmology with every piece in place and functional, and then one guy comes and claims something that doesn't fit in anywhere, doesn't explain anything, and demands that I trash all coherence, than that guy - in this case Jesus - is the problem, and he's wrong.

Holy fucking shit. No wonder I was angry the whole day about this issue. Guess many things happened here while I was away... I will read through this later. I realized many things then I recalled my spirit forces thinking I can no longer help further. Got a vision while doing it. Your brain was infested with a worm. That worm was breaking down concepts so it can escape from your mind. What you thought was the wizard's construct was in actuality a worm entering into your mind somehow and getting stuck there. I managed to get the shackles of that energy and it went away while leaving everything else behind and your mental subprocesses are digesting them back into your being. I just skimmed the other posts of the other anons and yes the main problem of his that he has an extremely specific mental framework and it's hard to make it function on a level he desires. I had no idea why he was so retarded when he is talented so I thought it is because he has a weak character his mental framework is meme riddled not to mention the after effects of weird drug cocktails and other weird ailments that are still unknown own to us but seems like he had a parasite like "immortal" entity in his mind and he thought it was the wizards doing while the wizard's influence from the 4chan thread dissipated long ago. Not sure if the effects will be felt but it will change energetic layouts for sure. I will reply properly to the other posts later.

Forgot to post this to enhance the theme of this thread

>>857 > a parasite like "immortal" entity in his mind I looked at the record of the situation right now, you're right. It seems similar to a "flower" which appeared on my right wrist earlier. >pic related The Queen said these are rare, but that they appear when energy channels are being cleansed, they consume the "dirt" of the veins. I left it there and one day it just fell off on its own. There was a feeling as if being tickled in that spot, didn't feel bad. It later happened again on other parts of the body, after which I learned of how mind waves can assume the form of flowers on your chakras, including as lotus flowers. The very same thing the author of Hatha Yoga Pradipika is talking about when saying the yogi will find lotuses on his chakras. It's just assuming you can see the energy formations.

>>855 >There is no way for me to even begin grasping it because even you are just throwing loose slogan-like phrases at me and never starting from the beginning of your thoughts. These haphazardly coined buzzwords are a dogged attempt at conjuring the exact term I had in mind by using adjacent phrases. >>855 >it's just random sentences which seem to refer to something I can't see, because it was never explained to me. >I have no idea what those things you are referring to, are. Because they aren't in the bible text itself, and I see no way of connecting them to anything I read. Reread the posts >>692 and tell me you are absolutely ignorant of that which lulzington is speaking about. Peter and the church? Adam and Eve? The Good Samaritan? I refuse to believe that you have never heard of this during your "christian" upbringing. Sirlulzington's posts are Jesus' teachings applied to the modern era, and he touches upon that of which you should be familiar with, even if phrased in a rather figurative way. I can't tell if you're being insincere or if you've been genuinely raised in some utterly deranged and bizarre heretical sect. But please for the love of goodness just visit the link, read through the comment chains, and attempt to digest sirlulzingtonesquire's postings. I know your framework or perception on christianity is astoundingly alien, but at the very least you'll likely come across something you're vaguely familiar with. https://old.reddit.com/user/SirLulzingtonEsquire/ >i would recommend reading excerpts from it, as well as apocryphal texts that the church has labeled as heretical such as the gospel of judas, the gospel of thomas, and texts from the dead sea scrolls; there is truly wisdom everywhere, and if you are one that truly loves reading, i would recommend also looking into islamic prophecy, judaic mysticism, buddhism, hinduism, gnostic texts and the writings of various ancient philosophers from both the west and east, as well as the ancient cult religions now regarded as mythologies, such as those of the greeks, egyptians, norse, aztecs, and so on all of these are full of truth, and they've also been filled with misguidance, for all faiths branch from one truth. We are truly blessed to live in an era where information is at one's fingertips, it may sound silly but you can truly find a solid foothold going down google and wikipedia rabbit holes His worldview and mine are more continental in philosophy as opposed to analytic and hyperfocused/specific like yours, though I feel you aren't strictly relegated to one domain >but seems like he had a parasite like "immortal" entity in his mind and he thought it was the wizards doing while the wizard's influence from the 4chan thread dissipated long ago. Would that worm not be the construct the wizard had, or the entity brought upon that synthetic shroom trip whose date I relentlessly mention? I can't even tell if it reduced my mental complexity, timing, creativity, soft, comforting, caring and loving feminine aspects on the downlow and other aspects to that of my sperm donor's, or metacognitively linked or offshifted those traits to him. Oh, and part of my drive behind trying and getting fucked up on as many substances before is largely because I'm a psychonaut at heart; I'd love to contact and befriend the entity of that substance and/or influence my luck through bolstering and amplifying my ritualistic intent and optimism I know that taking my second chakra charmed mushroom gummies/4-AcO-DMT trip so soon after my first and folding to father hate was weakness but please for the love of fuck remove that parasite before it lobotomizes me further >his mental framework is meme riddled memes are now a language/dialect in and of themselves now.

>>860 >you've been genuinely raised in some utterly deranged and bizarre heretical sect This arrogance is present both in your own postings and in his. That much I can see. You're both assuming that your own view is correct, and have an attitude that someone who doesn't know what you are talking about, is somehow just dumb or "refusing to accept your view". But let me tell you, your view isn't written like some signpost in the air. You have to actually explain what you mean. SirLulzington is just asking questions, then leaves it at that without ever answering them. What is the point of this? When Plato asks a question, he inspires you to think for yourself by presenting a concrete matter. Then he answers it, explaining how he thinks, letting you compare your own answer with his answer. The things you are posting here and those of Lulzington are in the "modern tradition" of creating an in-group with its own jargon, then mocking those who do not understand your inside references. This is done by presenting rhetorical questions meant to make the outsider look dumb, then mocking him for being dumb. In the religious context, it's instead referring to your own cultish views which no outsider can know, and then mocking the "heretic" for not knowing what you are talking about. You know full well it's not a matter of me not knowing about Adam and Eve or the good samaritan. You and him are merely using these examples to play this little game of luring the outsider/heretic (in you narrow frame of thinking) into a trap, meant to ridicule them. What I said here >>852 > you out of convenience made your mind this way to drive all opposition into an arena where you have control, so that you can beat them on your own terms. But you ended up just fighting your own imagination, not the actual opposition, because the arena is too small and filled with booby traps set up for your imaged enemy, to the point they won't even enter your fighting ground, and you end up just beating no one while in a state of delusion. I haven't seen you or him at even one instance explain what you think, it's all rhetorics. It's manipulative at best, trying to "inspire thought" rather than explaining what you actually think. Now instead, start from the beginning. We both have the same bible with the same texts, there are different translations but I think we can both see that the overall content is similar. It can be worked with. I posted the essence of my view on the NT and Jesus here: >>684 How does your view relate to my view? Where do you position yourself compared to what I said? (Be detailed, no "you're a heretic", because that's your stance, you don't know that this is true, or that heretics even exist.)

>>862 And now let me be arrogant in the same way: I don't think you will be able to relate to what I said, because you don't have the attention span necessary for analysing my post. You're going to do what you always do; fall back on meme throwing and rhetoric as if we were doing this on national tv and you have to "win". I'm just trying to make you loosen up your fixed brain patterns a bit, because those are a prison you created for yourself, and you are drifting off into delusion. You need to be able to relate to new information, otherwise you become demented. Creating a philosophical framework which prevents the absorption of new information, is some form of methodical, artificially devised dementia.

>>863 >Creating a philosophical framework which prevents the absorption of new information, is some form of methodical, artificially devised dementia. Which in my view may be the reason I am in this thread, I need to learn how to spot this and how to dissolve these things when I encounter them.

>>857 Concentration and contemplation are pure hell for my mind has been a restless, dopamine seeking pit of shit geared around batting insufferable cretins, which I can only assume was initiated by that paranoid subhuman gorilla namefag ape "sleeper agent" of eclipse ritual thread >>468 through forming a psychokinetic "jam" in my mind's gears.

>>851 >To rephrase, it assuming that your reading comprehension really is impaired: In the Bible they are repeatedly recognizing the existence of other gods, often referred to as Moloch, Malekh or Melech, Baal gods, various spellings for different "lords" whom people build sacrificial sites and temples for. If these didn't exist, there would be no need to tell them to "not have any gods beside me". By having that law for the followers of Yaweh, he is also saying that those other gods exist and are real. Which I fail to comprehend in the context of >>846 of God being found through all paths as a "forced message" that modern christians ostensibly believe in if their only acknowledgement of these other Gods or routes to salvation is to invalidate or deny them and exhalt YHWH, but I digress. >>862 I'm apprehensive on explaining myself because I know with my current capabilities I won't be able to do it justice accurately recall the entirety of my beliefs down to every last minutiae nor do them justice, but I'll do the best I can assuming this is your method of assigning me to reverse my own cognitive decline myself: >You're both assuming that your own view is correct, and have an attitude that someone who doesn't know what you are talking about, is somehow just dumb or "refusing to accept your view". But let me tell you, your view isn't written like some signpost in the air. You have to actually explain what you mean. SirLulzington is just asking questions, then leaves it at that without ever answering them. What is the point of this? When Plato asks a question, he inspires you to think for yourself by presenting a concrete matter. Then he answers it, explaining how he thinks, letting you compare your own answer with his answer. Granted, you'll need to read the entire body of sirlulzingtonesquire's works and the comments/replies as with his facebook as with the basics of gnosticism, islamic prophecy, hinduism, buddhism, the lost gospels the church labeled "heretical", ancient judaic mysticism, and the parallels of messiah figures in the cult religions or "mythologies" of the tribes of the ancient world in order to establish a solid foundation of what he speaks of, but he does actually answer and lay his beliefs out as reference points for further questioning instead of solely asking questions towards an unseen end, even addressing the idolatry surrounding Him over contemplating and taking after His parables and lessons and seeking truth th >How does your view relate to my view? Where do you position yourself compared to what I said? As the screenshots would say better, The fruit of knowledge between good and evil was actually a test by God to see if His creation could make their own decisions that Adam and Eve had ultimately passed, in that suffering through sin is ultimately necessary towards humanity's spiritual and physical evolution, that man has conflated sin with wickedness and virtue with righteousness, when one is not possible without the other; one must destroy to create, and one may create to destroy, and one's virtuous actions may beget wickedness and one's sinful actions may beget righteousness, while balance creates harmony. This Jesus king-cult that you speak of is mostly the product of Romans colluding with Pharisees to have Jesus killed for opposing the hubristic tyranny of the former and the money control scheme and moral self-in of the latter and his message subverted into its antithesis; from seeking wisdom, practicing forgiveness, expressing love for God's gifts, and seeking one's own way into blind, hateful conceit, factionalism over petty minutiae, and grovelling towards the corpse of the son of God to avoid eternally suffering in a realm that the romans invented to prevent mass suicide as per the original beliefs of reincarnation. In essence, the antichrist had christ killed and His corpse paraded as a symbol of materialist self-righteous judgement, rigid overadherance to established dogma, societal homogenization and gentrification, and other ideals his very teachings opposed. >what is sin? what is evil? are they the same concept? or have they been made to seem like the same concept? can one sin and still be righteous? can one be evil while following the law? if a poor man steals to feed his family, is he an evil person? the laws of man condemn sin, but permit evil; the laws of God permit sin, but condemn evil it is not right to sin, but God will forgive it if your intent is righteous. >There were two trees in eden, one of knowledge between good and evil, and one of eternal life why would we choose the fruit we did, and only that one? why not both? does one eat a fruit of knowledge to learn evil ways and then act upon them? if so, why didn't we eat both fruit? in disobeying God to commit a righteous act, pursuing goodness, we displayed that we had an innate knowledge of good, and therefore we passed >God is the loving father, and we are the children; if you commit evil deeds before your own father who is infinitely loving and forgiving, he would not hate you, but he would be deeply disappointed, and possibly need to punish you so that you may learn, no? >idolaters and barbarians bear the mark of death in celebration of a divine murder, a sacrifice to their cannibal god; is this how you honor the living Father, by executing His son? crucifixion is a method of torture and humiliation, and you call it holy? the ram of God returns to destroy the cross >they mocked christ as he suffered on the cross, the romans and the jews, the soldiers and the pharisees, they all point back and forth saying it was one or the other that was to blame but they all rejected christ and all have his blood on their hands >you do not honor him, but in fact mock christ by celebrating his murder and wearing the mark of death while you claim to know his words but in truth speak hatred or self-righteousness in his name >he who strives to be like christ and carries their own cross for all of humanity will in truth be christened by the living Father, and will themselves become christ >when you will stand with christ not as sheep, but as a rams, and drink the bitter cup with him, so that he may suffer alone no more, you will have truly honored him

Sorry but talking about a random post-ironic meme redditor like this as though he's some sort of serious distinguished scholar is just hilarious to me.

>>870 Wisdom comes in the funniest places after all, plus this is the guy who started the "I HATE THE ANTICHRIST" series of memes that got popular (which I'm not that surprised if none of you heard of it).

>>869 You're still stuck thinking from the monotheistic view. That's exactly what I mean with modern Christians trying to push this forced shoehorning of completely different systems into their own narrow framework. In the old testament they are actually recognizing that other gods exist and are real. They aren't monotheistic, they are polytheistic in their world-view, but they are saying >my god is better than your god and this is a sound view, because it's honest. Modern Christianity has completely lost contact with reality, so they have to use this >all religions actually talk about Yaweh -thinking to even somewhat comprehend how other religions exist at all. I think if they didn't do this, they'd turn even more insane because that would mean Satan had started religions like Islam, Buddhism, Hinduism and have the majority of the Earth population firmly in his grasp. If that was true, it really makes the Christian all-mighty God look pretty weak. So they have to adapt the "all roads lead to Rome" into "all religions lead to Christianity" to cope with the reality of the world not adhering to their thinking. It's border-line pure psychotic thinking imo. What's even stranger is the complete and utter obsession with Jesus as the king, when he was never recognized as a king by the Jews. He never ruled them, he wasn't crowned, he was just a street peddler of cultish thinking and extremism, performing some "feats" like killing a peach tree for not bearing fruit in the wrong season. The New Testament is basically all about the followers of Jesus going around telling everyone how he matches the standards for being the new king of the Jews as set up by the Old Testament texts. They use their knowledge of such texts to convince the listeners, using the same kind of mocking rhetoric expressed by this Lulzington (and also Einstein and later Jews, a typical Jewish trait, I'll give them that) to silence those who do not believe Jesus matches the standard. But Jews being Jews, they won't accept defeat. Like Hitler said, defeat them in a debate today, and tomorrow they will remind you how they won, and how they will keep winning. Making then upset by silencing them will only make them rally a mob to kill you, which is exactly what they did with Jesus and his followers. Not exactly an image of an accepted ruler, now is it? To ask rhetorically in the same manner, why obsess with an uncrowned king of the Jews, why not pick one of those who actually ruled? Why not Solomon, he built the temple? Jesus never built a temple. Isn't Solomon a much better king to pick as your saviour? If being dead isn't a problem, it should be fine with him as well?

>>869 But yeah, as for helping you get out of this mess in your head, it looks like it's getting better. I just used my own study as part of this, because you also represent all the things I've had to battle earlier. You're like a perfect channeler of memetic nonsense, only focusing on instrumental intelligence and never questioning the core of the culture being fed to you, no matter how much it conflicts with observed reality.

>>875 >You're still stuck thinking from the monotheistic view. That's exactly what I mean with modern Christians trying to push this forced shoehorning of completely different systems into their own narrow framework. No, the place I'm coming from is that God of all these major religions - and by extension, all gods - are ultimately one: Allah, YHWH, Deus Pater, Tengri, Wotan, Wralda etc; all different names for the same God. Just as how Jesus was the body of Christ, so was Dionysus, Krishna, Baldr, Horus, Mithras, Quetzalcoatl, etc, they all serve the same role in their respective theologies. >He never ruled them, he wasn't crowned, he was just a street peddler of cultish thinking and extremism, performing some "feats" like killing a peach tree for not bearing fruit in the wrong season. Ignoring this disingenuous framing that ignores how he healed lepers, denouncing the pharisees as the children of Satan and flipping their tables over when they turned the temple into a trading scheme, I doubt teaching respect of one's fellow man to a heavily tribalistic and petty people, preaching redemption to the morally sick and wounded, or that all people are made equal despite identity, status, and other extraneous factors by virtue of being God's creation is necessarily extremist. >The New Testament is basically all about the followers of Jesus going around telling everyone how he matches the standards for being the new king of the Jews as set up by the Old Testament texts. They use their knowledge of such texts to convince the listeners, using the same kind of mocking rhetoric expressed by this Lulzington (and also Einstein and later Jews, a typical Jewish trait, I'll give them that) to silence those who do not believe Jesus matches the standard. >But Jews being Jews, they won't accept defeat. Like Hitler said, defeat them in a debate today, and tomorrow they will remind you how they won, and how they will keep winning. Making then upset by silencing them will only make them rally a mob to kill you, which is exactly what they did with Jesus and his followers. >Not exactly an image of an accepted ruler, now is it? >To ask rhetorically in the same manner, why obsess with an uncrowned king of the Jews, why not pick one of those who actually ruled? Why not Solomon, he built the temple? Jesus never built a temple. Isn't Solomon a much better king to pick as your saviour? If being dead isn't a problem, it should be fine with him as well? For a second, I almost thought you were referring to Jesus' followers as those jews that wouldn't accept defeat and rallied a mob to have Him killed. And no, this overly conventional approach based on extraneous, superficial material factors overlooks the deeper meaning of Jesus' being an enlightened guide figure of liberation who points humanity towards self-actualization, brotherhood, and selflessness over worship of status, wealth and power, identity and the like. What important lessons or teachings has Solomon delivered to solidify him in history? How many people has Solomon saved? I hate how I know you're missing the point or don't get it, but my mind completely and utterly refuses to compile and relay just what it is. I've articulated my points in a disastrously crude manner that I could've done had I had my full cognitive faculties back.

>>875 >Modern Christianity has completely lost contact with reality, so they have to use this >all religions actually talk about Yaweh -thinking to even somewhat comprehend how other religions exist at all. I think if they didn't do this, they'd turn even more insane because that would mean Satan had started religions like Islam, Buddhism, Hinduism and have the majority of the Earth population firmly in his grasp. If that was true, it really makes the Christian all-mighty God look pretty weak. That line of thinking superficially resembles, yet is not the same as what Lulzington nor I preach in that God/Allah/Odin and Satan/Al-Dajjal/Loki/Set go by various different names and exist in all faiths as Good and Dark generally do, or how the "Christ" i.e Son of God appears in many major religions by various names. I knew you weren't taking me right, but that's still on me for not having the articulative capability to encompass the actual complexity and full detail of what I mean. >>876 >as for helping you get out of this mess in your head, it looks like it's getting better. Not in the slightest.

>>877 >that God of all these major religions - and by extension, all gods - are ultimately one Forgive me to being blunt, but that is utter bullshit. For the Hindu avatars, sure there are some who are "the same god" in various forms, because Krishna is also his wife Radha. But if you start cultivating on that path you can also become both Krishna, Radha and anyone else, because those are archetypal roles or positions in the divine hierarchy. To claim that even two individual persons who both cultivated into Krishna are the same person is just nonsense. You are not me. Odin is not Loki, and neither of them is Freya. They could perhaps cultivate the form of any other god, but each individual is themselves still. There's some kind of energy compound here, blocking the view of people who connect to it, and it's spreading this concept that there is only one source, and that it's the same as any god. That's just not how it is. With just a little bit of spiritual interactions you would soon have that thing worn off I think. I haven't come into contact with anyone who's interacted with various higher spirits or gods who still maintain that view. >What important lessons or teachings has Solomon delivered to solidify him in history? How many people has Solomon saved? Even if there is no clear connection to trace them to him, the collection of sigils known as the keys of Solomon are all legit and very exact representations of their corresponding demon, djinn or lord. I haven't found a more useful collection of sigils anywhere, and they are attributed to him. Some of the entities are named in the bible, such as Adremmelech. (The guy with the horse head.) You won't find more powerful guides easily available on this planet. Michael Jackson got his fame by contracting Adremmelech, just an example of his influence on our culture. >How many people has Solomon saved? Indirectly, he contributed to saving anyone who later used the abrahamic religions successfully, because he lay the groundwork for them. >the deeper meaning of Jesus' being an enlightened guide figure of liberation who points humanity towards self-actualization, brotherhood, and selflessness over worship of status, wealth and power Where do you get this deeper meaning? I see none of what you describe in the New Testament. I see a rude, arrogant sorcerer who places death curses on those who won't accept him. He repeatedly hex people who disagree with him and then they die. You're saying he's healing people - because of what I know of the mechanics of energy work and magic, I just see someone drag dirty energy from people, containing it and then unleashing it on his "enemies". Then he tricks the feeble-minded crowd into believing it was God who punished them, when it was just him killing them with the same illness energy which he took when "healing".

>>878 >Not in the slightest. From prodding you over and over to try to make you loosen up the fixed pattern, I see improvement, even if you don't feel it.

>>862 >The things you are posting here and those of Lulzington are in the "modern tradition" of creating an in-group with its own jargon, then mocking those who do not understand your inside references. This is done by presenting rhetorical questions meant to make the outsider look dumb, then mocking him for being dumb. In the religious context, it's instead referring to your own cultish views which no outsider can know, and then mocking the "heretic" for not knowing what you are talking about. I don't know what you're on about especially with this "internal jargon" shit or inside references, but you've admitted that you don't have that insider perspective on christianity and took a kabbalistic approach instead of a buddhist/taoist approach (specifically to the parables in which Christ taught his lessons) to understand why He used rhetorical shibboleths to test for those with the ears to hear, or the lateral understanding to properly construe the symbolic meaning behind it instead of laying it bare and flat. >You know full well it's not a matter of me not knowing about Adam and Eve or the good samaritan. You and him are merely using these examples to play this little game of luring the outsider/heretic (in you narrow frame of thinking) into a trap, meant to ridicule them. I assumed that you were widely unfamiliar if not ignorant on Jesus, but after reading >Where do you get this deeper meaning? I see none of what you describe in the New Testament. I see a rude, arrogant sorcerer who places death curses on those who won't accept him. He repeatedly hex people who disagree with him and then they die. You're saying he's healing people - because of what I know of the mechanics of energy work and magic, I just see someone drag dirty energy from people, containing it and then unleashing it on his "enemies". Then he tricks the feeble-minded crowd into believing it was God who punished them, when it was just him killing them with the same illness energy which he took when "healing". I feel resolute in my position that your stance or interpretation of him is absolutely alien, even compared to that death worshipper. You say my way of thinking is myopic, though I can see you're misreading malice and trickery into these theological koans meant for those who are already of a catholic or otherwise abrahamic framework—or "meme complex" as your internal vocabulary holds—to contemplate their understanding on Christ's true nature and the wickedness of the church ostensibly established for Him by contrast. >>876 >You're like a perfect channeler of memetic nonsense, only focusing on instrumental intelligence and never questioning the core of the culture being fed to you, no matter how much it conflicts with observed reality. Rather presumptuous backhanded compliment that assumes I haven't questioned my belief framework from someone with a completely deranged view on Christianity and Jesus as a whole. >>879 >You are not me. Odin is not Loki, and neither of them is Freya. They could perhaps cultivate the form of any other god, but each individual is themselves still. I get the "Everyone Is You Pushed Out" or "All stems from one consciousness" idea is a bit too radical for some to accept, though at its core even despite the individual differences and the like

>>879 >I see a rude, arrogant sorcerer who places death curses on those who won't accept him. He repeatedly hex people who disagree with him and then they die. You're saying he's healing people - because of what I know of the mechanics of energy work and magic, I just see someone drag dirty energy from people, containing it and then unleashing it on his "enemies". Then he tricks the feeble-minded crowd into believing it was God who punished them, when it was just him killing them with the same illness energy which he took when "healing". In what verse or chapter does Jesus do anything remotely of that sort? You say my perspective is bizarre, narrow, and specific when your position is so far beyond twisted and alien that I can barely even begin to approach it. Never had I heard of him ever hexing anyone who disagrees with him or even placing death curses even once. No scholar, no text, no discussion ever mentions anything of the sort.

>>857 >>858 It's been 58 days and at this point the only way you can really restore me to my fullest self is if you're able to access my stored memories with all the emotions, music, people, etc. within that schema, because that part of me is dead from not having been accessed in a long time.

>>883 Cursing cities Matthew 11 20Then Jesus began to denounce the towns in which most of his miracles had been performed, because they did not repent. 21“Woe to you, Chorazin! Woe to you, Bethsaida! For if the miracles that were performed in you had been performed in Tyre and Sidon, they would have repented long ago in sackcloth and ashes.22But I tell you, it will be more bearable for Tyre and Sidon on the day of judgment than for you.23And you, Capernaum, will you be lifted to the heavens? No, you will go down to Hades. For if the miracles that were performed in you had been performed in Sodom, it would have remained to this day.24But I tell you that it will be more bearable for Sodom on the day of judgment than for you.” Matthew 21 Jesus Curses a Fig Tree 18Early in the morning, as Jesus was on his way back to the city, he was hungry. 19Seeing a fig tree by the road, he went up to it but found nothing on it except leaves. Then he said to it, “May you never bear fruit again!”Immediately the tree withered. 20When the disciples saw this, they were amazed. “How did the fig tree wither so quickly?” they asked. 21Jesus replied, “Truly I tell you, if you have faith and do not doubt, not only can you do what was done to the fig tree, but also you can say to this mountain, ‘Go, throw yourself into the sea,’ and it will be done.22If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer.” Matthew 23 This whole section is him attacking people in a very arrogant manner. I only looked now at the very first retelling of his deeds by Matthew, these occurrences are all over the place, and later on in the NT there are stories of people dying from the cursing as well. From just this little bit I quoted he comes out as a narcissistic psychopath with wizard abilities, a very dangerous cult leader. I understand fully why they got rid of him. The texts were written by his followers, so he's described in as good light as possible, yet they had to include these parts because they were probably too well known events at the time, so they had to be included or everyone would know it wasn't even slightly truthful. This is how media works today as well. When western media has to admit something not in their favour, you know it's really bad and they only mention it because they can't deny it. Typical Jewish behaviour, they haven't changed in the slightest since back then.

>>885 Despite my lack of familiarity with the entirety of The Bible, It feels like you're overlooking the fact that these three cities were host to many of Jesus' teachings and miracles as well as having great knowledge on God's law and virtue which strictly put them above heathen cities, yet still actively chose apostasy and shunned Him as some demonic drunkard, or the self-righteous nature of the pharisees whom have made themselves synonymous with conceited, two-faced, performative morality and extreme, sanctimonious self-importance through their conduct with power and wealth through their forked tongues to bolster the narrative of Him being some petty, malignant cult leader instead of those whom he denounced being too far up their own asses for their own good. It'd be like if you were completely amend my cognitive complications and restore my reasoning capacities and relay upon me the underlying meaning behind it in a lesson, only for me to tell you to fuck straight off as some deranged lunatic after all of it. As for the fig tree, you'd be amiss to overlook the human component of Christ in that false advertisement sucks. >what do you know of christ? was he the son of God made flesh? did he feel as you did? did he hunger, thirst, feel, desire? or was he perfectly sinless, a divine being, some kind of alien entity? if christ sinned, if he had indulged his desires, would you still love him? could a sinner be son of God? I know I'm not doing my beliefs the justice they deserve through this since you deserve input more refined and thorough than what I can currently offer

>>888 Actually I think most of the things I was thinking about was in what is called Acts by Luke in the English translation, but it doesn't really matter since I'd just be looking for quotes taken out of context. The context matters here, to show what I see. It's in their own words and I think that speaks for itself. >yet still actively chose apostasy and shunned Him as some demonic drunkard The problem is in the reading of the text with the preconceived notion that Jesus is a saviour. If you read it like any text, in context, which means that the NT is a reference to the OT, it's as I said above: Jews arguing with other Jews about some prophet who some of them think matches old prophecies predicting the qualities of the next king. They make fantastic claims about him, his heritage and his deeds, and they manage to shut some Jews up by being quick witted and having some knowledge of the OT texts, which isn't expected from the random street peddler. This is taking the local Jews by surprise in every town because they seem to have forsaken their own study too much to give sensible replies. Today we have most of those texts right there in the bible. Back then it wasn't likely to have a collection like that because books were hand-written and very expensive. This means we can today do our own study and see if this new king prospect matches. My conclusion is that he doesn't match the requirements at all, which is the same as what the Jews of the time concluded. By the time he dies, he obviously can't become a king, so any further discussion on the matter is meaningless. But his followers invested so much of their credibility into this guy that they had to then claim he didn't actually die. But yet he wasn't around to be crowned, and he wasn't recognized as a king. It's pretty outrageous to keep chanting "Jesus is king" still today, or calling him "king" using various words like Messiah (the contemporary Greek word for king) or Christ for "anointed" when everyone knows he never was anointed. It's a specific ritual of smearing oil on the top of the head, it wasn't done or they would have mentioned it, seeing as they are so desperate to have him recognized. It's ridiculous.

>>890 I'll paraphrase lulzington who also asks the same questions you've asked before on the supposed infallibility of the OT/NT that modern christians espouse: >is your religion based on what we know? or is it based on faith? >did christ read from books, or did he speak immutable truth, that we are all equal in the eyes of God, that only righteous acts lead to salvation, that love and compassion were the way? >who wrote your books, son of Man? was it God that wrote them, on ink and paper? or did man claim to know God's word and write it himself? >what separates the word of God from christianity from the word of God from islam, hinduism, or even lost religions from old civilizations? was one written by the right man that heard God and the other wasn't? >do you think the apostles were untouched by satan? that they correctly transcribed christ's word? and the church that claims to spread his message? would they not follow christ's message much better if they gave up all their gold and gave every cent of it to the poor? wouldn't one correctly following in the footsteps of christ not stand for injustice, and see those that know God by different names as their neighbors and treat them as such? >does the antichrist tell us to love one another as neighbors? that we are all equal in the eyes of God? these are things christ believed, are they not? would you claim that christ himself, the son of God, to be the antichrist? >christ contradicts the bible in many places, would you trust his word over the rest of the bible, or the bible over his word? You rely upon an overly conventional, straightforward and dry approach (for lack of a more precise term) to the rebellious prophet's character based upon texts recorded by students who may or may not have correctly deciphered the lessons of, transcribed by the same nobility and priesthood that colluded to have murdered and humiliated in broad daylight for challenging their power rewritten in a manner contradictory to his true self that establishes His character as a favorable asset to their ruling that foregoes any deeper, symbolic and abtruse meaning of the lessons of nonconformist, iconoclastic and skeptic rebellion against established authority, reasoning with one's own judgement instead of blind obedience, and respect beyond trivial differences delivered through contemplative riddle which directly clash with established societal framework to realize that despite being the least suitable for any notion of royalty or anointment had ultimately established his divinity through wisdom that transcended otherwise materialistic and earthly reasoning predominant within those cultures at that time. This isn't rhetorical judo meant to ridicule you for not knowing the established framework behind it, so much as to encourage reconsidering your preconceived understanding on Jesus' character through the OT/NT's retelling and the actual characteristics of Christ beset through not just his parable, but also texts redacted by the church that don't conform to this sinless, perfect "savior" archetype beset by it. The winners write history, Jesus was killed and they rewrote His story to make him out to be an inscrutiable and incontrovertible figure than a hardened, zealous yet loving and egalitarian warrior of faith, covering or rewriting less favorable aspects like how His mother was trafficked by roman nobles to Ben Pantera as the virgin birth, and other characteristics congruent with other cult figures at the time like Bacchius, hence why I believe you miss the forest for the trees. Your philosophy is more analytic, based upon a kabbalistic perception beset by a Jew that you believe to be objectively correct, whereas Lulzington's is a more "continentally philosophical" cross-reference between the common denominators and overlaps between christian apocryphal or "heretical" writing like the gospel of judas or the gospel of thomas, judaic mysticism, islamic prophecy, buddhist and hindu teaching, gnostic philosophy, and even old cult faiths of the ancient world like that of the greeks, egyptians, norse, and even aztecs to form a more "complete" portrayal in that Jesus, or the "Son of God" isn't simply one iteration meant for one specific people, but a figure recurring throughout numerous times and peoples endemic to their faith as the central "hero" archetype to save humanity from the all-devouring, spiteful antithesis of God that seeks to devour creation and reduce it to naught.

>>891 You entire post reads to me as >I am still obsessed with the "Jesus is king" meme and can't think outside of this framework >it didn't work when I first said "all religions lead to God", so now I will instead say "all heroes are Jesus" At least you were forced to rephrase, which means you had to transform your slogan-like statements into a new format. You haven't changed your original fixation however. I don't see any importance in the Jesus character at all. The constant calling of him as "christ" which just means "king" when he wasn't a king, looks pretty silly to me. I know people do this, but it's like the change after watching all the moon landing footage analysed critically and realizing it was fake. I can't take people seriously if they talk about the moon landings as real, it makes me cringe. I feel the same about this "christ" obsession. Obsessing over movie stars and musical artists can be silly and a source of ridicule, but when what is it to have this massive obsession with some guy from a book whom we barely know anything about, who had no notable achievements attributed to him? It's a story expressing the extremes of the extremes of fandom from 2000 years ago, it's so bad it became the archetype of idolatry. As such it has a value, because we can compare it to psychological phenomena today and see that the same things are still going on. And worse, the same guy is still being obsessed over!

>>895 Sure, if you want to ignore the fact that this whistleblower whose messages of denouncing earthly authority as a wicked tyrannical farce attempting to supplant God through the division and manipulation of humanity as mere resources, that neither vice nor virtue care for the boundaries of race, tribe, nor material conditions in that God has made man equal posed enough of a threat to the jews and government that they've managed to subvert him and his message into the exact antithesis of everything He stood for and had jews seething over him for 2000 years. Perhaps your disingenuously conventional, simplistic and reductionist framework or lack of inside perspective frames me as a mindless zealot using rhetorical trickery instead of someone straining to process and articulate their beliefs and thoughts through a cripplingly finicky and self-doubting mentality. I'd ask you to read through the entirety of sirlulzingtonesquire's posts through a taoist, symbolic interpretation and try to parse the concepts he's getting at instead of dismissing it as just a rhetorical shibboleth because I've expended far too much mental stamina in this conversation that has ultimately caused me nothing but frustration.

Here's what Bing has to say about ways to read the bible based on web results: The interpretation of the Bible can vary greatly depending on one's religious, cultural, and personal beliefs. Here are some ways people read and interpret the Bible: 1. Kabbalistic Reading: Kabbalah is a Jewish mystical tradition that offers a symbolic way to interpret the Bible. It sees the Bible as an encoded text containing profound spiritual teachings. The Kabbalistic approach often involves numerology and symbolic interpretation. For example, the 32 paths of wisdom in Kabbalah are seen as a key to understanding the Bible. 2. Fundamentalist Reading: Fundamentalist Christians often interpret the Bible literally, believing it to be the true voice of God. They uphold the doctrine of biblical inerrancy, meaning they believe the Bible is without error. This approach can lead to a very strict and literal interpretation of the text. 3. Historical-Critical Method: This method seeks to understand the historical context in which the Bible was written. It uses tools from archaeology, linguistics, and other disciplines to interpret the text. 4. Allegorical Reading: This method interprets the Bible as a collection of allegories or metaphors. It's often used to find deeper, spiritual meanings in the text. 5. Literal Reading: This approach takes the text at face value, interpreting it exactly as it is written. 6. Contextual Reading: This method considers the historical and cultural context of the time when the Bible was written. It seeks to understand the text within its original context. 7. Liberation Theology: This approach interprets the Bible from the perspective of the poor and oppressed. It emphasizes themes of social justice and liberation. 8. Feminist Interpretation: This method interprets the Bible from a feminist perspective, often highlighting and challenging patriarchal elements in the text. Each of these methods has its own merits and is considered legitimate within certain religious or academic circles. However, it's important to note that no single method is universally accepted as the "most correct" way to read the Bible. The interpretation often depends on one's personal beliefs, religious tradition, and the purpose of the reading. It's always a good idea to approach the Bible with an open mind and respect for different interpretations.

>>896 >I'd ask you to read through the entirety of sirlulzingtonesquire's posts through a taoist, symbolic interpretation >>882 >you've admitted that you don't have that insider perspective on christianity and took a kabbalistic approach instead of a buddhist/taoist approach (specifically to the parables in which Christ taught his lessons) to understand why He used rhetorical shibboleths This is the result when asking Bing specifically about taoist or buddhist readings of the bible: While Buddhism and Taoism have their own rich traditions and scriptures, it's not common to find specific Buddhist or Taoist interpretations of the Bible. However, individuals from these traditions might approach the Bible in ways that reflect their unique perspectives. Buddhist Approach: Buddhists might read the Bible not as the word of a God, but as a collection of teachings and stories that can provide moral and ethical guidance. They might focus on themes of compassion, selflessness, and mindfulness, which align with Buddhist teachings. However, it's important to note that Buddhism does not traditionally involve the study of non-Buddhist scriptures, and interpretations of the Bible from a Buddhist perspective are not widely documented. Taoist Approach: Taoists might approach the Bible in a way that aligns with their understanding of the Tao, or "the Way". This could involve interpreting biblical teachings in the context of living in harmony with the natural flow of the universe, a central concept in Taoism. However, like Buddhism, Taoism does not traditionally involve the study of non-Taoist scriptures, and Taoist interpretations of the Bible are not widely documented. It's important to remember that both Buddhism and Taoism have their own rich spiritual texts. Buddhists have the Tripitaka (or "Three Baskets") and numerous sutras, while Taoists have texts like the Tao Te Ching and the Zhuangzi. These texts provide the primary spiritual and philosophical guidance for adherents of these faiths. In conclusion, while it's possible for individuals from any faith tradition to find value and meaning in the teachings of the Bible, there are no widely recognized Buddhist or Taoist methods of biblical interpretation. The interpretation of religious texts is a deeply personal process that can vary greatly depending on one's individual beliefs and spiritual background. It's always a good idea to approach religious texts with an open mind and respect for different interpretations.

>>896 >>882 >>898 >Here are some ways people read and interpret the Bible >>899 >there are no widely recognized Buddhist or Taoist methods of biblical interpretation Although the method is crude on my part, an AI functions like a sieve of all the available information, if your ways of understanding the bible had any wider legitimacy, they should have appeared here. Conclusion: My approach of using a kabbalistic reading is closer to the intended reading than your taoist/buddhist approach.

Adding to my conclusion is the fact that even ''feminist interpretation" appears in the list, before any mention of taoist or buddhist reading, which I had to ask specifically about. I've never heard of feminist reading being a thing, so it must be very fringe, putting your reading further down the list in a pretty irrelevant place.

Friendly reminder that “real taoism” was preserved as esoteric shinto, and buddhism is a cultural virus used to obfuscate and neutralize empowering esoteric practices much like catholicism.

>>898 >>899 >>900 I wouldn't rely on a purely informational and analytic algorithm like Bing on the kabbalistic approach being the most accurate framework to interpret Jesus' teachings, given that He derived his lessons from buddhist and taoist teachings as per his time in India more than the contemporary judaic teachings that the kabbalah simply doesn't get at.

>>857 >>858 Shit, please tell me that whatever damage it inflicted upon me is reversible and that you can restore my intelligence to the way it was in all fields.

>>908 Yes it's possible but for that you need to calm down "get clean" figure out your archetypal forces PROPERLY instead of trying to become a donut steel Jesus OC like the nobodies because currently that is the thing that entrapped you in the shittiest false ego ever. Not to mention your ability is far more potent than I thought and you used it for the most retarded things ever. People can access the internet the largest database on earth with their phone and all they use it is to make shitty pics and vids instead of learning. You will have to learn to use your abilities for spiritual purposes and get an upward spiral going or everything we do here is meaningless. Not to mention you have several bad habits and energetic malformations that you need to fix... It would be easy if you had an "active" approach in spirituality but you don't have that. You are the "passive" one which is good for artists and oracles but Jesus IS NOT A PATRON OF ARTISTS AND ORACLES. To be saved by Jesus you need to repent and pray for the rest of your life for salvation but instead of turning to him you go and ask help from everyone else. Then you say how great he is. Currently there are 2 visible Jesus within you. There is the solar plexus THE SON Jesus that is fuelled if you go to church and partake in the prayers and there is the heart ACcEPT JESUS INTO YOUR HEART Jesus which you overloaded with drugs and that is the "Jesus" you found but he still has an energetic hangover. But because you consider the identity of Jesus as one with your own you are defending him and not letting him "resurrect" into a new form. The way your abilities work is quite amazing but they require an energetic circuit system that I am still exploring and this "passive" spirituality requires the most amount of awareness and shadow work and it's not easy. The reason why I said to go to church because the energies might have helped you snap out of it if you do it earnestly and for months but because you have this bAbYlOn LE BAD mentality while doing drugs and all other mental poisons of the current "babylon" is the absolute most retarded energetic cognitive dissonance of yours. You blame society religion and everything for your failings while you are a clear case of "weak men create hard times" and now my problem is to figure out how to make the "hard times" turn you into a "good man" again. While discovering your ability and how to tune it I became aware of several of my own failings and because of that I am less sure how to proceed from here. My way of operation is trying to give people a glimpse into their potential. But I have no idea how to give you anything without you squandering it without noticing. >>902 >real taoism Sure >obfuscate and neutralize empowering esoteric practices What do you consider empowering? I want to know your powerlevel before I share the way I work with these forces in this already energetically taxing thread.

>>909 >What do you consider empowering? I want to know your powerlevel before I share the way I work with these forces in this already energetically taxing thread. That post isn't mine jsyk. One facet of Jesus that I've cribbed from cereal guy memes/sirlulzingtonesquire is the dionysian aspect of ritual ecstasy in that He got drunk and bore kids with Mary Magdalene, though covered up by the church alongst other facets of His human nature in favor of His divine one.

>>913 >That post isn't mine I know but what he said was quite ostentatious so I wondered if he can back up his claims with examples of his empowering practices or he is just spouting memes he just heard somewhere. >is the dionysian aspect of ritual ecstasy Yeah I could tell tales about that but for that you need special wine and not the artificially enhanced shit you can buy nowadays. >in that He got drunk and bore kids with Mary Magdalene, though covered up by the church alongst other facets of His human nature in favor of His divine one. wtf? ... Guess I will write down how I perceived the 2 Jesus within you then. There was solar plexus "throne" Jesus. He is currently sitting on your throne your seat of power. He is supposed to represent your internal forces which propels your physical energies your mental strength and such. He represents power. Without the solar plexus you have no real standing in the world. He would have been recharged if you participate in "faith" practices and live a balanced life. When I meditate I have an "auto mantra" part where I say the things that the energies require to put me into the "zone". There are still parts where I say parts of prayers that I heard in the church because my own energies still require the feeling that I acquired there. While the fact that you are unable to find the foundation of your "ego" is quite problematic... The real problem is the "heart" Jesus you just described as a >dionysian aspect I encountered him too. He looked like a drooling retard with a weird slightly neon green ghost like skin. He is supposed to represent your "soul forces"... AND THAT IS THE HARDEST PART BECAUSE I HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO FIX THAT. AND I HAVE PERSONAL CONNECTION WITH THE DIONYSIAN MYSTERIES BUT THAT WAS NOT ABOUT BEING WASTED AND RETARDED BUT UNDERSTANDING THE ORPHIC MYSTERIES AND APPLYING A PROPER SPIRITUAL LIFESTYLE. THE WINE WAS SECONDARY. The over the top hedonistic approach started when people started to forget the "gods" and it was all about being wasted and nothing truly spiritual. I have no words. I have no idea how to even explain the Orphic mysteries to you. I noticed that you are the "fool type" with the flute mindlessly walking in the forest and eating the strangest wild berries without knowing which is and isn't poisonous... No wonder you are this dysfunctional. You just reinforced my observations once again. For some reason I have this >he can't be THAT bad then I reach a point where I don't even know what is the good question to ask anymore ... Now I need an another day to think things through. Like srsly when I've seen that drooling retard neon Jesus I thought my subjective condescendence is warping my sight. Guess I will have to look into that further then figure out if you are even saveable as a "person" or you will be initiated into the Orphic mysteries in the hard way for even daring to call yourself >dionysian You have no idea how much humanity fell spiritually since that era. Babylon my ass. We are way too far away from that age. This is no Babylon. The hells you have to face changed forms and methods and guiding you through it will be hard and almost impossible if you don't find your own guiding forces. >dionysian aspect I feel like the universe is having a giggle by bringing this up now... Buy amethyst btw. And sleep with them under your pillow. This is the most mundane and surprisingly most useful aspect in this whole thing. Somehow Amethyst even keeps you sober if you have them in your pocket. Yes. We will start here. Report when you have amethyst.

>>909 >You will have to learn to use your abilities for spiritual purposes and get an upward spiral going or everything we do here is meaningless. Difficult to start that engine when the motor inside is broken and refuses to ignite the spark, engaging contemplation to evoke deeper and more profound thoughts feel like a constantly sputtering engine. >Yes. We will start here. Report when you have amethyst. I've got Amethyst by my beside table, interesting that you bring it up.

>>915 Jesus is literally Moloch (which also means Lord, the more you know...) but you can just do this by focusing on the original archetype of the lord instead of the degenerated brass golem thing they sacrificed babies to. Molochians, the cult members who make up large parts of the modern world, those who connected their brain directly to their gut so that they no longer have empathy (highest concentration of these in the world are found in Israel, go figure), they look like lizards with brown skin when looking at their astral body. But the original form of the Moloch/lord kinda looks like Lenin with a suit. This is what you must cultivate if you are doing the Jesus stuff. It's not by chance that the Russian Orthodox church is the only one which managed to actually apply the bible and its lore in the modern age, they literally had people who "cultivated" Jesus by profession and somehow reached through the lizard stage. Everyone else is afraid of going against the shit-heads in Israel so they can't do it.

>>919 That is why I grabbed the bull by its horns so to speak and used kabbalah directly. What better way to disrespect Molochians than to treat their book as just any text, and then apply the original reading which they think themselves unworthy to use.

>>919 >>920 Ritual chaos magic: when you begin by attacking the thing you mean to learn, desecrate it and make a huge mess and if it has any legitimacy it will prove itself and still function. (The Anti-Christ method in a nutshell tbqhsmh)

>>921 Why does this work? Because your initial plan before you started learning was based off ignorance, so instead of trying to carefully fit new knowledge onto a flawed system built from lack of insight, you just begin by trashing your preconceived ideas and start over.

>>919 >Jesus is literally Moloch (which also means Lord, the more you know...) but you can just do this by focusing on the original archetype of the lord instead of the degenerated brass golem thing they sacrificed babies to. Molochians, the cult members who make up large parts of the modern world, those who connected their brain directly to their gut so that they no longer have empathy (highest concentration of these in the world are found in Israel, go figure), they look like lizards with brown skin when looking at their astral body. But the original form of the Moloch/lord kinda looks like Lenin with a suit. This is what you must cultivate if you are doing the Jesus stuff. Wrong, Moloch had Jesus killed and wears His face and his minions have distorted His word and teachings into the exact antithesis of the same moral imperialism He gave his life to end fighting.

>>917 >Difficult to start that engine when the motor inside is broken If that motor was "broken" you would be DEAD >refuses to ignite the spark The exhaust is going overboard and the spark is far smaller because you burned out the systems. >engaging contemplation to evoke deeper and more profound thoughts feel like a constantly sputtering engine. You just remind me that you need to be fixed with the soviet repairman attitude where you get kicked and yelled at until you work. >I've got Amethyst by my beside table How big? Try to meditate and sleep with it. >interesting that you bring it up You bought up Dionysus. I just connected to my own Dionysian current and that made my intuition remind me of these basic remedies. Also it seems fringe has a crystal arc now somehow??? >>919 >But the original form of the Moloch/lord kinda looks like Lenin with a suit Because he is bald? Where did you even get that vision. >This is what you must cultivate if you are doing the Jesus stuff ... Yeah I will not get into this now because it seems we are Dionysian mysteries now >It's not by chance that the Russian Orthodox church is the only one which managed to actually apply the bible and its lore in the modern age The angels showed me that the vatican is controlled by the "sun cross" while the orthodox church by some old dark purplish black hole like dimensional gate. Personally I don't use any of them because the churches I have around are connected differently. >>920 >why I grabbed the bull by its horns so to speak ... I hate when people use that term because it just shows they never worked with bulls >and used kabbalah directly I had to realize the great tree can be accessed far more easily as my sight opened properly but let's not get into it now. >What better way to disrespect Molochians than to treat their book as just any text I never understand how this is a "disrespect". Not to mention I am sure they require humiliation for their ways so "respecting" them is akin to taking them seriously instead of kicking them out of the way. >then apply the original reading which they think themselves unworthy to use. I am never sure which forces you are talking about while writing these down. What even counts as the "original reading"? >>922 >Why does this work? Ok cool then I let you do his initiation. My ways are pre-christian and not as trendy as yours. >>923 Tell him tiger! lol I am not willing to be part of who is and isn't Moloch discussion. But it might be beneficial to you. You need to kickstart your engine somehow

>>922 REEEEEE >>923 Same thing, Moloch is a sacrificial cult, he just sacrificed himself. >>924 >Where did you even get that vision. From a statue which looked like him. The energy was very strong and sinister, all I knew was that it somehow was both communism, Satan and Jesus all at once.

>>924 What I mean is this whole online "project" I've been doing since 2018 was quite literally initiated by a detransitioned transsexual Jew on discord who somehow channelled the cultural stream I needed. All along I've been merchant-posting and attacking Jews online while also applying their kabbalistic method on their books, and used their fire magic to clear out NWO tunnels and to direct artillery strikes in Ukraine. It's part of the game. Israel should be wiped off the map tbh, but Hamas are fcuking muslim brotherhoodcucks funded by USA and Israel themselves to work as foot soldiers in the Arab spring. UK needs to be protected but their security services are pure evil. When Mossad asks for help over telepathy I helped them because they aren't actually working to preserve Israel. Make a huge fucking mess and attack the same things you use and it will work.

>>920 Christ was no proponent of the pharisaical molochian system, but a rebel against their ethnoreligious tyranny both through teaching against such heirarchal, identity based customs in favor of egalitarian unity and respect across all cultures, and through denouncing and thwarting their schemes. Moloch, the deceiving tyrant, the shepherd, despises the beauty of God's creation and seeks to lead all of man into enslavement and shepherd them into his maw, whereas Christ - the cunning trickster - seeks to liberate man from tyranny through knowledge and wisdom, to think for himself, carry sin for his pride and bear his horns for the flock. You trust a purely analytical data algorithm to dictate the objectively correct approach on deducing His life's story through a purely critical and reductionist lens, whereas my knowledge on Jesus and His teachings stem from the common denominator between gnosticism, islamic prophecy, hinduism, buddhism, the lost gospels the church labeled "heretical", ancient judaic mysticism, and the parallels of messiah figures in the cult religions or "mythologies" of the tribes of the ancient world. I'd put this in a more elegant and sophisticated >>924 >If that motor was "broken" you would be DEAD The higher motor spurring intellect, memory, recollection, and phrasing.

>>926 CIA and the NWO can never figure this out.

>>926 I mean shit, I used law of attraction and King Saturn to get the NYC jew tunnels into the memetic consciousness and initiate Oct. 7th back when I was still "intact" and I could put forth a more solid thesis on Christ than what I'm capable of currently.

>>927 >hereas my knowledge on Jesus and His teachings stem from the common denominator between gnosticism, islamic prophecy, hinduism, buddhism, the lost gospels the church labeled "heretical", ancient judaic mysticism, and the parallels of messiah figures in the cult religions or "mythologies" of the tribes of the ancient world. So a hodgepodge of things where half of them are braindead demiurgic nonsense. Plus that Christ/Messiah/Lord/King/Moloch/Melekh/Malekh are the same word in different languages and traditions. It's just patriarchianism.

>>924 >I am never sure which forces you are talking about while writing these down. What even counts as the "original reading"? He believes it to be the Kabbalic one based on his pet AI algorithm, though I feel its perspective to be obtuse in deducing the true nature of Christ through the redacted gospels or the buddhist/taoist nature of the lessons he taught through parable or why. No more accurate than the talmud in that while it might get a thing or two right (Mary being trafficked rather than a virgin birth in the Talmud's case), it is ultimately no more correct than a single perspective on a single theology (while all holy books contain guidance, they also contain misguidance) as opposed to a continental analysis of all the underlying theological interconnections between abrahamic and non-abrahamic beliefs. >>930 >So a hodgepodge of things where half of them are braindead demiurgic nonsense. Coming from someone using an ahrimanic construct to deduce a purely demiurgic framework as the objectively correct vector to analyze Jesus through, I'm not going to

>>932 >He believes it to be the Kabbalic one based on his pet AI algorithm No, I believe so because Jews invented Abrahamic religions so they obviously have the correct approach. I only used AI to discredit your outrageous claim that the bible was written from the perspective of Lao Tsu and some Indian prince who from historical records never sat foot in the middle east.

>>933 Also, double-thinking, learn it. Once you can hold two or more conflicting views in your head at once and see no problem with it, you suddenly become able to see connections between a wide range of topics which aren't available to sense-makers.

>>934 Maybe this is why the AI image creators mess up the hands now and then: they are secretly referencing 1984 where the MC is told to see 5 fingers when only 4 are held up. Jokes on you, I can't see the difference between 4, 5 and 6 as it is when counting objects, I always mess those up. I can count cash and algebra but not objects.

>>933 >>934 >>935 ^Stream of unconsciousness-posting ftw.

>>933 >I only used AI to discredit your outrageous claim that the bible was written from the perspective of Lao Tsu and some Indian prince who from historical records never sat foot in the middle east. I never said that it was written by Lao Tsu or an indian prince, just that the right approach to Jesus' teachings and the meaning behind it (rather than the bible as I had mistakenly said prior during my mind sludge) is taoist/buddhist given that He picked it up from there during his stay.

>>937 >Jesus' teachings and the meaning behind it But he doesn't have any teachings? He's just going around talking about the OT texts in a clownish manner while upsetting as many people as possible in the process. He isn't adding anything of value, at most he's a catalyst for all sorts of events to play out later. The oral tradition however contains a lot of archetypes which are necessary to remember stories for 100s of years, and filtered through the generations they contain some meaning after having been written down. That's how the bible is a grimoire with meaning. Jesus and his followers doesn't understand the old testament, they make that clear in the way they argue. As such they present common ways to not understand what is meant, like a catalog of how to not read it.

>>938 >But he doesn't have any teachings? He's just going around talking about the OT texts in a clownish manner while upsetting as many people as possible in the process. Funny, thought this kabbalistic reading of yours you deem objectively accurate based on shared theological origins would've mentioned parables like the good samaritan, prodigal son, sower, hidden treasure, lost sheep, amongst others, which from what I can ascertain the kabbalistic reading doesn't have anything to say about and misses the deeper point to Jesus character, in line with typical jewish attitudes towards Him.

>>939 Kabbalah mostly refers to the first five books included in the Torah. The following books also contain various meanings in the same air, but mostly it's about a form of Jewish tantric system, where circumcision works to force the energy system into place for absolute retards. It's not needed if you can work with your own energy like a normal person. Cutting yourself is equivalent to cutting the string under your tongue in yoga, some extremists may do this but it shouldn't be a widespread practice. The energy movements are illustrated in the events of history retold in the other books. All of this passes completely over the head of the apostles who obsess over their own homosexuality which they can't abandon, which causes them to come up with the idea of "faith" instead of following the laws. They seem to think that because they themselves can't follow the laws given to Moses, that the laws "doesn't work" and should be abandoned, then they take it upon themselves to do so, completely missing the point of them. The laws create a foundation for a practice which energetically falls within the framework of yoga, but doesn't use the same terms or body of doctrine. Islam also has such a system but it's badly explained there also, the only hint to it is the usage of 4 wives, but it was enough for me to derive its form based on what I already know about tantra. (and by interacting with djinn) The NT is just aiming outward at nothing. It describes many mental processes and ends with a way for spellcasting in the book of revelation.

>>940 > a form of Jewish tantric system, where circumcision works to force the energy system into place for absolute retards I only thought to examine its effects after I read about this practice https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Penile_subincision which was done on some oceanic islands where they had a completely different view of sexuality before the British appeared with their moralism. Looking at the akashic records of the place I found it to be a functional tantric system which made them immune to the negative effects of promiscuity. It also involved a practice for females as the other element (no cutting, it was an exercise). Modern moralism only came in as a result of their energy system breaking down. From this angle I examined the Jewish system and although it was very difficult to see through it, I found that circumcision is another version of this. But it's something that only some extreme ascetics would perform, like how monks would physically separate themselves from the world, cutting yourself will simply force you to avoid the wrong usage of the body when practicing this system. But if you don't practice, it's mostly useless or harmful. There may be some effect of protecting women from the negative effects of having a very dirty energy system, so it makes some sense to use this with Judaism which is matriarchal in terms of heritage of the "race". They had to do this because their men were wiped out several times in history, leaving the only option for women to marry men from other religions, after which their children would have to be considered "Jewish" or they would be wiped out completely. So in a sense it's a way for women to force men into their energy system so they "become Jewish" and they can marry them when there is a lack of their own men. Doing this in USA may just be to protect Jewish women and the continuation of their system, there isn't any benefit for men who don't practice ancient rituals.

>>924 Noticed something interesting near the tail end of my dream in that I and whoever was exploring with me were visiting what seemed to be the interior of my mental space where all my memories and accompanying sensations were recorded and chronologically sorted in. Noticed a calendar marked April 15th, 2015 but the art tied to it was done in 2018. Later on there was a convo between some girl, her friend and I talking about auras and checking them, and I brought up my worries of being unable to check or not having anything left to check regarding those auras.

>>915 I don't know what that wizard removed to distance me from my memory, emotions, cognitive fluidity or intellectual prowess but you've got to help me regain those alongside my ability to influence the memetic noosphere, or collective unconsciousness. I haven't felt like a part of a greater whole, but a disembodied speck struggling to recollect their previous state of being and formulate advanced, complex thought. Nothing I've lost has been regained.

>>979 Have you tried doing it yourself? Relying on handouts is what got you into this in the first place. I assume you have some magical experience since you keep referencing abilities.

>>979 >regain those alongside my ability to influence the memetic noosphere Wasn't it already concluded during the thread that you had a massive "worm" parasite in your brain? With that as the basis of your thought complex you'd not have any stability because it didn't originate with yourself. Instead of "regaining" something, I think you need to recognize that you didn't have those abilities to begin with, they came from outside. You need to learn how to do this yourself instead of relying on external forces, spiritual, parasitic or physical.

>>985 These are cognitive traits and processes always endemic to me, there's no way they came from the outside. Not the worm however, no idea what begat that - either my fears that wizard's "construct" was breaking it down visualized as some white pill breaking down the visualized construct of thought, or if it just came in through some portal. Regardless, my energy is still constricted and I can't get my third eye to focus and carry the momentum forward to break through it.

>>980 Numerous times, though the problem is that I'm not in touch with those abilities, leaving me up a creek without a paddle. I don't know what I can do to remove this worm parasite in my mind and restore my concepts devoured by it.

>>986 Was your 3rd eye open, and still is? Like you can still use it for remote viewing or x-ray, or is this figuratively speaking?

>>988 I can conjure mental imagery but remote viewing and x-ray stuff are off the table. Might've had the capacity to develop these abilities prior to this "worm" entering my mind, but given its location and behavior I feel my hands are tied on this one. Don't know what to do about it or if I even can do something about it.

>>989 How much control do you have? Like if we were to do something in the style of what I do with friends where we may be discussing some stuff and then we both read an area to find some secret location by its energy type, and we are able to look at the same place and share what we see it to make out the general make-up of the place, because our views always differ in what layer of reality we see. I'm just trying to grasp what level your current ability is at.

>>990 Wherever it was, it was certainly lowered during the advent of the worm. God knows when it got in there, presumably during March 15th or 17th.

>>949 I will give you my report then. Once you started to argue with the other Anon your "inner Jesus" booted up a little. I noticed stars around him. Those represent the "petals" of the heart chakra. I heard like a decade ago Bearheart did a ritual where he found gems of the zodiac and put there and I too seen similar things but my soul forces work differently. With that I managed to reach >>927 >The higher motor spurring intellect, memory, recollection, and phrasing. The reason why I was "capable" doing it because as I am trying to figure out how your mind work(ed) I have to awaken my mind further. In the past they appeared as "currents" like mental cables I have to "dip" into so I can "hear" the thoughts. Now with your ability it is like the "currents" are invading my mind. It's like turning the thoughts into an "intrusive thought" channel on command. Trying to figure out how this ability works made my archetypal forces a little imbalanced so I needed some days as a take off not to mention >>949 After you writing this I thought maybe it will work out somehow... Before you posted that in the previous day I noticed the current state of your >interior of my mental space It was like a dark place with "cables" hanging all around disconnected in a miasma. I realized they were your "internal" thought currents and I am sure you overloaded them and as a safety mechanism they disconnected. They can be reconnected but... I need time to figure out how they will "stick" and how they won't overload the next time you do drugs or go cray because you don't know how to handle your intrusive thoughts. The problem ofc is that I am noticing that the intrusive thoughts have far more power over your personality if you are in the "sensitivity mode" that can "hear" and think with these cables or mental currents. These cables can reattach on it's own there just needs to be a "willingness" developed but it can be specific what is the proper feeling. Unlocking this part of the mind is giving me such a powerboost I need time to learn to handle it. You managed to absolutely misuse a "gift" and now I have to figure out how to make you tune yourself to your own higher forces or you destroy yourself with your retardation if this gets forcibly reconnected. I know it because my archetypal forces are messing with my own personality matrix because they have too much extra power now. Urgh >>949 >talking about auras and checking them Pls describe what method they said or how the auras appeared >>979 >that wizard removed He just disconnected some cables so your mind is not overloading because spoopy merchant fear. He didn't "remove" it >I haven't felt like a part of a greater whole Yeah because you are a giant pussy and deny or flee from your fears as much as you can. The "greater whole" is not just the "good things" but the bad things too. Once you said you asked an another wizard in the past to banish an another thing... made me lose hope in this whole process because you are just repeating patterns with worse outcomes. >>980 >Relying on handouts is what got you into this in the first place Yeah. Wish he realized that already and figured out how his own powers work instead of using everything else. I remember when I had to delete 90% of my mental frameworks because they were faulty... Reformatting the false mind takes balls. Very few have it. >>985 >that you had a massive "worm" parasite in your brain That was a "minor" thing. His main ability works differently and it's within his brain. He literally has a "mental erectile dysfunction". And his fear is making it worse. Not to mention he needs to "lose himself" then go into the "neutral zone" and "reconnect himself". I have no idea how to explain it because he thinks once he stops being so fearful of losing himself he dies or gets lobotomized or something >recognize that you didn't have those abilities to begin with, they came from outside. Worse. He is like a fucking spoiled prince who wandered too far from home and he has to survive among the hobos and commoners and he gets beaten down by the youngest child because he doesn't know how to survive at all. Now he has this "the whole world ended" mentality in an alley and does not even try to look for a "way to home" because a spooky hobo will yell at him if he tries. Hope his higher dreams will repeat so he can give some pointers because this whole psychonaut long range "cave explorer" is getting real distracting. >You need to learn how to do this yourself instead of relying on external forces, spiritual, parasitic or physical. This is the message he should have figured out 200 posts ago but argh. I know we are "getting somewhere" but we are advancing at such a snail's speed I am not sure how long I can keep this up. >>989 Also the "worm" just destroyed cursed or low energy knowledge material in your brain and not the "higher archetypal memory forces". It just takes time for you to "fill the vacuum" within your mind. The "worm" was equivalent of a trash eating clean up pig. The main problem is that you have no way connecting to the "lazy" or "hangover" energy circuits of your mind. You have to figure out of an inspiration that comes form within and not exactly from an outsider force. You can be "stimulated" by them but that must not be the "main source". Not to mention the drugs made you mix up the physical and energy body sensations and your body is still trying to "calm down" heal or get past the hangover. >>990 >How much control do you have Try to answer this question the best you can. We are trying to narrow down how your mind works here. Pointers are important. It's like calling a firefighter about a fire and you don't know where you are and expect the firefighter to omnisciently know every fire in existence because he is supposed to be a "firefighter" who must know. Not to mention we started from a minor problem now we are dealing with interdimensional and cosmic entities that do not obey the laws of the physical at all. This is why magic is forbidden without a guru/master. This shit happens with every dumb ass neophyte who chases earthly desires and ignores the voice of higher reason during it.

They never said anything about any methodry of checking auras, but I did sense a circular yellow field of light between her hands at one point. Recalling this exact dream is meaingless given how fuzzy it is by now. >Wish he realized that already and figured out how his own powers work instead of using everything else Maybe I'd figure them out if I still had them or was in touch with them, but that's been neither here nor there for two months now. I don't know how to learn to recover them myself because without these cognitive processes and senses I've not only become blind and directionless, but without any reliable method of mapping the direction of my life and how my thoughts and decisions take them I have no way of knowing where I'm going. There is no internal inspiration because the emotional/creative component that derives it from external creations is disabled. It's like trying to start a car without a spark plug. >Once you said you asked an another wizard in the past to banish an another thing... made me lose hope in this whole process because you are just repeating patterns with worse outcomes. I was retrospectively referencing the /AWA/ thread which this entire shitshow began. >Try to answer this question the best you can. We are trying to narrow down how your mind works here. Are you asking how I emotionally resonate with music to create immense, vivid internal landscapes, settings and themes which synesthetically "paint" or "flavor" the memories associated with them to create scenes, or how my short term memory extends to encompass the events of an entire day and even bleeds into the next one like a film reel? Or perhaps how I can view this "footage" from a third person omniscient perspective and manifest outcomes through visualizing the outcome in line with internal narration/script magick and believing it?

>>994 >It's like trying to start a car without a spark plug. Just did that yesterday. You just have to figure out how to make a spark. And you have the spark you are just way too focused of thinking that the car is ruined forever because you lost your keys. You need to figure out how to hotwire your brain. >>994 >Are you asking how I emotionally resonate with music to create immense, vivid internal landscapes, settings and themes which synesthetically "paint" or "flavor" the memories associated with them to create scenes, or how my short term memory extends to encompass the events of an entire day and even bleeds into the next one like a film reel? Or perhaps how I can view this "footage" from a third person omniscient perspective and manifest outcomes through visualizing the outcome in line with internal narration/script magick and believing it? Whatever tbh. You either do that or go to church for months. When I write about my abilities I invoke them without noticing. This is why when I post I sometimes kill my laptop during it and have to retype my post because my hands loaded up with energies without me noticing it. The key is now not making excuses but trying to give us a glimpse of your mind. Like in a previous post where you mentioned how you are not even sure how your minds works anymore. That is the thing we need. Figuring out what are your false presumptions about your mental workings at what are the real energies that move it. Forgot to mention but the reason why "inner Jesus" booted up because you tried to defend and describe him instead of >hurr he Jesas he saves me from all harm then you hid behind his skirt. Now you went and reinforced him and enhanced your soul forces. You have to figure out how your own soul forces in an active approach work or worked prior your current Jesus and figure out how you mental spark ignites. Or you go to church and pray until Jesus saves you. You can do that also. At least it makes you go outside and might flush out of your energies once you stop being anxious.

>>994 There was a time during last year where all timelines I relied on were suddenly deleted, it has happened twice so far during these past years. I knew this was coming because I had been warned about it and told to solidify some of my astral bodies. Yet when it did happen, a few unexpected things took place: >at first I was unable to sense ANY of my servitors >it took me about a minute to reconnect because I've created everything like waterwheels, the issue was that the water stream had been cut off, once I turned it back on everything came back up again like the internet powering up >I lost contact with my witches, they contacted me via one measure which operates over nanobots, telling me all peer to peer connections were down >I solved it by creating a new nanobot particle and we reconnected it again >all gravity disappeared from my astral HQ, causing the roads become unusable >the issue was that I had linked road construction to karma which contains gravity, and the karma was dissolved >solution was to create an astral object which serves as a gravital core This all probably sounds random and unrelated, but I'm beginning to think the issue is similar

>>994 >Are you asking how I emotionally resonate with music to create immense Why not concretely describe what you can do with our 3rd eye? I don't normally use it "raw" because servitors for astral travel are easier to use, but when I try the experience is like floating in the wind. I guess I should practice more. Trying to look at the world my viewpoint flies around all over the place from looking at satellite view to diving into the sea and floating at water level. I try too look for people on a beach and again it's like I'm a weightless being flying at knee height. And this is just when trying to use the 3rd eye for visuals. So this kind of description is what I'm after to get an idea? (With servitors I can get a still and clear image, section for section or with x-ray of buildings, but not zoomed in close, although I can try, my mind doesn't work well for reading a document somewhere for example, I see the text as an "image" but can't read it)

>>995 I'm not the stereotypical church-goer as you've made me out to be, the way I've known Him as from what I learnt of Sirlulzingtonesquire is the true vine, the liberator, the messiah king who has appeared before every tribe to lead man to know the nature of God through teachings, questions to challenge his judgement and nourish his wisdom and acts against the great beast to liberate his people. Right now, concentrating and thinking of what I'm trying to say instead of the words effortlessly coming through me and onto the keyboard like a flowing river is a tough challenge, and I'm not sure if that worm's been removed yet. >>997 The last two lines of the post you've quoted answers that, doesn't it? Normally I'd be able to revisit previous points in time through my memories in vivid, lifelike detail as if it happened yesterday and it'd feel like I'm there, though I can't effectively modify them. I can animate, draw, and view my artwork in different artstyles as well as receive inspiration from music. Minimizing, shrinking, warping and travelling through otherwise unreachable spaces are also a possibility, but I can already do that.

>>998 >The last two lines of the post you've quoted answers that, doesn't it? Normally I'd be able to revisit previous points in time through my memories in vivid, lifelike detail as if it happened yesterday and it'd feel like I'm there, though I can't effectively modify them. I can animate, draw, and view my artwork in different artstyles as well as receive inspiration from music. Minimizing, shrinking, warping and travelling through otherwise unreachable spaces are also a possibility, but I can already do that. So what you mean by this is that you are internally playing around with a visualization of the past days? I'm asking because I can't relate to this at all, I never look back at memories like this, I only work on concepts and things which I can't avoid dealing with.

>>999 > I never look back at memories like this I tried just now to test it, normally I wouldn't do this because it's not interesting to me. Experience was just super weird, say myself in a one room apartment with tatami and a huge yellow rubber duck. That never happened irl.

>>999 Usually, though as I've said prior I can also view these memories in a form of mental film reel annotated/stamped/marked by the specific date and time it occured in, all linked together in an ongoing continuum, with each month being its own segment with multiple scenes? Didn't I say I can view all these memories and events throughout the course of my life (and to an extent before it through recorded footage and imagery evoked through historical recounts and tales) that way, and manipulate the future by visually and/or narratively scripting specific events and believing it to be real? The intrusive thoughts >>992 mention have evolved to become a corruption of it going in the opposite of my favor, such as being mentally incapable of compiling the necessary information to meaningfully remedy my situation or being permanently stuck in this way.

>>998 >I'm not the stereotypical church-goer as you've made me out to be ... I am not thinking that but you have an absolute internal fear of the church and you have to learn to overcome your fears >I learnt of Sirlulzingtonesquire is the true vine Yes and this mentality is trapping you. >the liberator, the messiah king who has appeared before every tribe to lead man to know the nature of God through teachings, questions to challenge his judgement and nourish his wisdom and acts against the great beast to liberate his people And the church also believes and preaches this but you are hating the church? This is one of the main cognitive dissonance of yours that makes you reject your own energies. Either detach from the memes because mems won't save you you are not a meme or straighten them out via going to church. I AM EXACTLY KNOWING YOU AVOID CHURCH AND THAT IS THE PROBLEM. EITHER GAIN PROPER FAITH OR STOP CLINGING TO FALSE FAITH YOU SHITPOST FILLED RETARD >>999 What I noticed that "his mind" is like an "outsider force" for him therefore he has no way of controlling it. I said how he has a mental "erectile dysfunction" in a quite literal sense because while some people can maintain or make their penis go limp at will some people just driven by lust and teasing or they don't know how it works at all. His mental currents literally need to be "fellated" so they reconnect but they are clogged in a literal mist of negative energy and they are "sleeping" while our current poster is scared as shit thus making them work even worse then he expects everyone to know how his mind works while not even he knows it then he filled it with brim with trash and other negative energies that he is not willing to flush out because he thinks those are his "real memories" while he has no access to his truly sacred memories at all because he is telling to his "other brain" that his memories are in danger because evil forces are tainting it and currently that main force that taints it is himself. So annoying. >>1000 For me it was like listening to my own lengthy rants without me "being there" like letting the TV go in the background without me paying attention to it but hearing every word. And it was not like trying to meditate and letting the thoughts float away it was like full emotionally filled loud ass yelling of thoughts emotions and events playing out while I was not "part" of it but a distant observer. I always had this Jacob's ladder where I went up and down in my subconscious layers to access these parts but for him it was like a million loud TV playing the scenes constantly and he focuses on one while ignoring the others. And now that he overstimulated all his senses he is deafened to hear them so he feels lost because he doesn't know how to unclog the lowly fears that makes him fearful that he loses himself if he let's the trash out. >That never happened irl. I too experienced so many things while understanding how he operates that I am less sure of spirituality once again. I have to make sure not let my mundane inspired fears overtake me and go into "Higher mind mode" so I can analyze what is overtaking me currently because it's like I am being possessed by a group of demons but then it turns out they are my own elevens cranked up to 11. Just learned that I was unable to calm down for 20 years and I was always angry. Like a sort if if I calm own someone will kill me paranoia. Ridiculous. He had a constant access to his feelings while I actively inhibited them so I can use them as a fuel for my mental work. Now I have to rethink the whole way I work because it's the usual you have to lose control to gain control thing. Abandon all illusions of control as the meme goes but I never truly had illusions because once I see it's not working I change the way I operate so for me this was never a problem. >>1001 >have evolved to become a corruption You ignored your intrusive thoughts instead of working on them. You have to reexperience the bad memories too and fix the energetic flow problems they cause. This is what is shadow work is about. You will have to access your negative feelings and figure out where they stem from. Also what you described was too descriptive too devoid of feeling. Not very easy to connect to. It's like describing a book that it has letters and pages and expecting others to know which book you are referring and if they don't know you say >YOU DON'T KNOW BOOKS YOUR DUMM LOL Not to mention when you describe jesus as all things good then go into the Talmudic nonsense that he fucked his whore mother. That is literally Chris-chan. Worship Sonichu then. He warped the timelines too.

>>1002 >Not to mention when you describe jesus as all things good then go into the Talmudic nonsense that he fucked his whore mother. I never said that He fucked his mother; Mary Magdalene isn't His mother also how dare you call this schizo's memes a false faith >then he filled it with brim with trash and other negative energies that he is not willing to flush out because he thinks those are his "real memories" while he has no access to his truly sacred memories at all I didn't know you could access my memory to distinguish the genuine ones from falsehoods and refuse. Though it'd be convenient if you were able to communicate with the portion of my mind that visually and emotionally communicates it, because the portion that verbally describes and communicates it is struggling to find the right concepts and words to describe it. >Also what you described was too descriptive too devoid of feeling. Oh I'm sorry the literary/critical/descriptive part of my mind is too underpowered to articulate it in a more sensory manner, but that's the first goddamn portion of my abilities I complained about losing in the first place. It goes hand in hand with the visual imagery as part of my third eye. It's like asking me to create a new website when my knowledge has devolved into cursory CSS knowledge on top of a "hello world." The capacity for it is fucking diminished.

>>1001 > view these memories in a form of mental film reel annotated/stamped/marked by the specific date and time it occured in, all linked together in an ongoing continuum, with each month being its own segment with multiple scenes? Didn't I say I can view all these memories and events throughout the course of my life This is completely alien to me, so if you said it before, I didn't understand it. I don't experience a separation of time from one moment to the next. It's just a single thing for me, but connected like the streets of a city. I'm myself at 4 y/o and myself at 12 and at 16 and at 20 etc all at once, I'll switch between these timeslots many times during a day, revisiting events to understand better how they relate, including going back to being 1 and the first place I lived, the moment of moving from there and so on, with trying to get into the parts that are somehow dark alleys that I can' fully locate because they're part of events which I didn't control. >>1002 >ental "erectile dysfunction" Yeah, I understand, it's the same as when looking at the traces of past economies. Like a large dock that was build to receive all these ships, but no longer in use, large factories built way out in the wilderness that no longer have production. Restarting them is impossible because the large wide energy stream passing by came from outside and now it's gone. At that point, you have to just start over and not try, because it's not going to happen.

>>1003 >also how dare you call this schizo's memes a false faith IF IT WERE REAL FAITH IT WOULD GRANT POWER YOU FAGGOT >my mind is too underpowered to articulate it in a more sensory manner Yet you can rant for hours about schizo memes? Guess the schizo memes are more valuable than your real mind. >how dare you call this schizo's memes a false faith THAT FAITH IS HIS AND NOT YOURS. And How dare I? By having my emotions cranked to 12000 because I had to witness the atrocity that your mind is. YOU CANNOT FATHOM HOW MAD I AM >but that's the first goddamn portion of my abilities WHICH YOU REPLACED WITH BEING ABLE TO RANT ABOUT YOUR NEMESIS AND PRAISING A FUCKING SCHIZO LIKE HE IS YOUR MESSIAH. Go to reddit and ask help from him. Write him a love letter and ask for a pleas of salvation >It's like asking me to create a new website when my knowledge has devolved into cursory CSS knowledge on top of a "hello world Learn to do it again. You have no idea how many things you have to relearn while doing spiritual work. >It goes hand in hand with the visual imagery as part of my third eye The "third eye" is not the visual imagery. The third eye is not a singular organ. Not the "pineal gland" that is just part of it. The third eye is the middle part of the brain where the 2 hemispheres connect. You are thinking what you "know" is some universally acclaimed knowledge and everyone else is dumb for not knowing it. Why don't you go to Schizoington's reddit and ask help from there where the "believers of the true faith nest" according to you. >>1004 >Restarting them is impossible because the large wide energy stream passing by came from outside and now it's gone. They look like large cables hanging but weakly try to force themselves to "get up" failing because it doesn't work out instantly then they "give up" and stay asleep. He needs to realize his innate energies because the usual energies that operate his mind are gone because of his energetic mismanagement. He is like a corpse on his cross of own making. He needs to go into the darkness and rekindle his own flame but he fears that darkness like it's the end of the world and unable to talk to his own guides or inspiration forces at all. Real hard to help because even if he gets an energetic transfusion it just dissipates from him because he is unable to use it as a propellant force.

>>1005 ... Just realized his cables can be cut and they regrow on their own. Like cutting of dry branches. Yeah I will have to look at it again later. Srsly his current retardation is so distracting. 90% of his posts is about saying the wrong things with unintentional glimpses into his mind and in the beginning he even deleted them. I will rethink the whole thing tomorrow. I too had to flush out my own frustration with this whole thing

>>1005 >IF IT WERE REAL FAITH IT WOULD GRANT POWER YOU FAGGOT Power that got jammed over my inability to reach some fucktarded namefag one eclipse ritual thread >Why don't you go to Schizoington's reddit and ask help from there where the "believers of the true faith nest" according to you. I'm not going to make a plebbit to yelp at someone who hasn't been active in seven months. >WHICH YOU REPLACED WITH BEING ABLE TO RANT ABOUT YOUR NEMESIS Who hasn't been an issue since you've taken care of him >AND PRAISING A FUCKING SCHIZO LIKE HE IS YOUR MESSIAH. His way of thinking has changed mine to be more lateral and fluid and helped me be more in tune with my higher self (alongside Neville Goddard's law of attraction and Dabrowski's "positive disintegration" but I digress) >Go to reddit and ask help from him. Write him a love letter and ask for a pleas of salvation He isn't exactly big into this specific field of mind-reconstructing magick or thaumaturgy that we're doing here >You are thinking what you "know" is some universally acclaimed knowledge and everyone else is dumb for not knowing it. No, I'm vaguely referring to the “internal screen” where memory and fantasy, images and archetypes, intuition and imagination are held and displayed in. I'm not being this retarded on purpose, I'm genuinely struggling to jog my noggin and put down the right concepts and words to express exactly what information you need to go off of and the best I can do is loosely adjacent and vague.

>>992 >Yeah because you are a giant pussy and deny or flee from your fears as much as you can. The "greater whole" is not just the "good things" but the bad things too. Once you said you asked an another wizard in the past to banish an another thing... made me lose hope in this whole process because you are just repeating patterns with worse outcomes. Alright, lemme rephrase that - Not only am I no longer able to psychically manipulate the current memetic zeitgeist to my whims and maybe the output of stuff that interests me but I don't even remember how I used to spend my time online and enjoy myself instead of depending on gaming streams and mindless content to pad out the time instead of putting forth the mental energy to find the words to summarize how my mind works (or used to work prior to the incident) in a more comprehensive and thorough manner. I can vaguely recollect the vibes or specific emotional undertones or settings that belie certain memories, though if there's one thing I could clue you in as to how it works is more akin to a data storage bank that overanalyzes and pores through every last minor facet which it uses generate ideas, concepts and maybe inspiration.

>>927 I've noticed lately that some posts on /fringe/ seem to just be cut off randomly at certain points, but only at specific sentences, as if the poster was gonna type more stuff, but that more stuff didn't go through the website's system; the parts afterwards within the same post seem to not be cut off, however.

>>1007 >>1011 No worries. I got a new glimpse into this whole thing. I did a preliminary cleaning but the main operation needs a little more preparation from me. Your crown chakra got overgrown energetic tendrils that choked out each other. There are several reasons for that. The memetic currents you enjoy so much and tapped into to manifest things the drugs granted you new pathways that became dormant once the trip was over and because no trip is the "same" aka not always manages to stirr up the same energies the pathways had no way operating and rearranging themselves. There are many other reasons why you have overgrown useless seaweed like formations within your brain but it's not important. I had a time in awakening where I had to figure out how to make the crown bloom but for you something more complex is necessary so I will need a clean mind and ask for some of my higher guides and figure out a way how I can connect you to your own background forces. What I am seeing currently it's quite doable it's just after my last post I made a breakthrough for myself. I too had a problem where I didn't manage to connect to a part of my own mind which was responsible of turning negative energies into anger and into an al purpose offensive force. The problem ofc if I ingest negative energies and I don't have a clear target because then that part of my mind went insane from the extra energy overload and no way to vent it. Now that is solved. I can finally interact with the "dark flesh" of the human body the bodily form that was granted us by the "original sin" the underlying physical that is the most dormant and only susceptible for negative energies. Transmuting that is an important step while going forward. Now I got glimpses into it and with that my abilities became clearer now that I am not blinded by my own frustration. Also Samael or some Archangel like dude is around here. I will have to look into what forces got suddenly interested in this whole thing because whenever I throw a "tantrum" I get noticed and they feel obliged to be part of whatever I am doing. Also I don't think this dude is Samael but my mind is unable to decipher what he is. Angels are weird. What is your opinion on angels btw. Because I have a hunch I will drag out your own guardian forces if you have some once the operation starts. Or I will be the most nuanced gentle feather of existence and everything will work out. I will have to attune myself. You heard about "anointments" they are supposed to bring out your divinity. They make you receptive to divine forces and make you able to house them within. They require a sort of virtue or "holy" life/mindset and after you pass a milestone you will be granted that. Then the next thing is "sacred lines" they are energetic formations placed into your "flesh" that bring out some archetypal power of yours or make you autoinvoke energies. Having them within shapes your body and mind. They are a "law of existence". There are many hindu myths about those things given by Brahma that made tyrants unkillable and they made a havoc until a new divinity was born and figured out a loophole of that sacred law and got rid of the tyrant. What we are trying to do here is to reawaken your sparks and destroy everything else that is not an expression of your higher self. Your memories are safe no need to worry what will be gone is the low level loosh that grants only confusion and pain. The problem is of many "magic" is that the beginner occultists don't realize that they waste their higher energies then as a vacuum arises within themselves they take in the residual energies of their environment and once those energies clog them they either become useless or mad until they figure out how to circulate their own system. We will now do a higher circulation protocol and an engraving which is part of your inner nature. Will need to prepare for that and accept whatever I will find within you then make sure to keep the connection to my higher minds as stable as possible because this thing can get tricky. I am seeing your sparks now and I am less sure what you are at all. Making the angels interested is always a sign that I am either doing something "Fated" or something that was not part of their plan. But they are not objecting to anything but keeping a watch so far... >>1012 >I've noticed lately that some posts on /fringe/ seem to just be cut off randomly at certain points, but only at specific sentences Can you give an example? If you go to almost 8k character limit sometimes it cuts off randomly because I think the character limit counter is not always working as intended >as if the poster was gonna type more stuff Sometimes people start to rant but then they "change their mind" in the process and as they reword the sentence it comes out weirdly. Especially if you try to over edit your wordsalad posts at the end then give up halfway and it becomes even worse. Hope there are no self aware auto editing AI algorithms on the site that auto censor things. While in theory it's possible and probably some dystopic techtards think it's a good idea I am sure it's not implemented here.

>>1013 I gave an example in the post; it's last sentence in the quoted post. I don't particularly care right now to look for more examples, but in hindsight, I was probably just being dumb and it's people just forgetting to type stuff in their posts and thinking they did when they hit submit.

>>1015 >last sentence Excuse me; the end of the 1st paragraph.

>>1013 By background forces, you mean the wide range of emotional influences and the corresponding genres of media (i.e music, videos, games, movies, shitposts, art, etc) alongside the synesthetically assigned colors, places, people and settings, right? >What is your opinion on angels btw. Servants, workers, and fragments of the divine pleroma who, while generally cannot intervene on man's behalf as with demons, can be invoked by those with sufficient insight, knowledge and connection to the divine. >what will be gone is the low level loosh that grants only confusion and pain. I assume those are the maxims or schema casting uncertainty upon my manifestations and preventing me from re-entering my own psyche/pneuma and experiencing my thoughts, ideas, feelings, hopes, fears, dreams, being spontaneous and and chronospatial location within my life and the "timeline continuum" I've constructed around? Or is it the trapped energetic "hate" loosh I attempted hurling at "sleeper agent" in that first eclipse ritual thread that I managed to trap inside by quashing the nicotine headrush I took to take my mind off it?

>>1017 >By background forces, you mean the wide range of emotional influences and the corresponding genres of media (i.e music, videos, games, movies, shitposts, art, etc) alongside the synesthetically assigned colors, places, people and settings, right? Yeah that was my original plan... >Servants, workers, and fragments of the divine pleroma who, while generally cannot intervene on man's behalf as with demons, can be invoked by those with sufficient insight, knowledge and connection to the divine. Yeah this is quite the apt explanation on your current level and quite positive. >I assume those are the maxims or schema casting uncertainty upon my manifestations and preventing me from re-entering my own psyche/pneuma and experiencing my thoughts, ideas, feelings, hopes, fears, dreams, being spontaneous and and chronospatial location within my life and the "timeline continuum" I've constructed around? While writing my previous post I meant that but > Or is it the trapped energetic "hate" loosh I attempted hurling at "sleeper agent" in that first eclipse ritual thread that I managed to trap inside by quashing the nicotine headrush I took to take my mind off it? I just had a little "chat" with Samael. He told me that what I considered hate and by that I mean "my own hate" was merely disrespect. True hate is when you are not just willing but determined to hurt destroy and sacrifice your whole being for a mere glimpse of chance for hurting someone else. That is something I am not doing. I am not consuming myself so I can be a minor nuisance for someone else. This was the "hate" you managed to create for yourself. This was something I didn't notice. Yesterday he wanted to "initiate" me into something. "The path of annihilation". Those who go through it become indestructible. Was thinking he is "joking" because if you get destroyed you cannot be destroyed further so you are "indestructible" at that point lol...but he meant the path is about destroying everything that is destructible to see what is the force that "remains". It is a sort of "true shadow" of existence (according to him). It led me a dimension with many eyes and a face and I got flashes while going to sleep so I left it for today to explore and a parasitical being with long teeth and sacred marks bit into my brain so it can transmute more information. This is how I learned about your hate. I started to realize I am not sure if I want this because i felt the influence kinda overtaking parts of me. "Fallen angel" dimensions are more freaky than hells and angelic dimensions. Seeing them is quite life changing and can cause a detour on the path... or a great addition of understanding. When he appeared while doing a preliminary cleaning upon you I felt that you have forces within you that have an inclination of trying to give me a way i should "carve you". So with Samael I could have carved you into the complete faith of Sirlulzington. You would have became a schizo of his caliber. I had a feeling that the only reason I would do this for lulz and otherwise it's against all my principles of help. What I wanted to do is to restore your natural energy flows so you can return to your path and follow a way of proper self discovery instead of being haunted by delusions. Seems like there is a little choice here. How much do you want to be guided by the very angels of existence that are on the level of archons and master your own true hate in a way it becomes a force of existence? Naturally I will NOT do that operation if you choose that. I will just give greenlight to Samael. I asked that "parasite" who was a sort of extension of him (made me remember that Samael is portrayed riding the snake. Then he planted the fruit of knowledge) after sending him away how his initiation works. He told me I get marked at the start then I pass some trials then I can go front of the dimension he leads towards. He told them they are the "elderly" I have to respect the elderly those that "watched" the existence for so long they cannot be called nothing but the "elderly". He didn't even try to call them anything else. The first feeling I need is to "respect the elderly" then I can proceed. I went and asked my cosmic intelligence about this because I felt I am getting into something more than I should and he told me this would distract me from my own big picture. I still have the sigil and I can connect to it but... Just how much do you want to not just "become" but more like surpass Sirlulzington? He vanished you said. I am not sure where and I am not sure granting you his fate is a good idea. I am not saying his faith is incompatible with yours but learning the "truth" of the (fallen) angels is not something weak minds can withstand. I wanted to give you a sort of surge of youth and a manifestation of inner genius but there is a choice here. Do I let this influence fade until you feel ready to interact with it on your own or... I crank it up a little sigilize your mind with their presence and with a power that can command demons and mortals alike and see what happens? ... Which would be guaranteed insanity in your case and something even worse than the dark night of the soul. This is "real darkness" and not a mere "lack of light" darkness. A force that made the angels realize that God is not all omnipotent... or is he? Why did the darkness call them. Was the darkness God or something else entirely. What secrets lie in the unknown and who dares to discover it. Yeah sorry this influence is fucking with my mind so I am taking a break until I figure out a solution because pulling you out of the ditch so you can jump into an another chasm is not really counts as "help". This "current" is in your mind. You are not claimed by Samael because you need to prove yourself worthy first so it is removable but you are so enamored with this thought process that created the machinations of your downfall that I am not sure if removing it would be considered "good" in your current view. Also I will have to work with these unholy emotions of yours first. Ffs. I will have to understand the path of annihilation a little so these energies can dissipate. Demons of the most annoying caliber >>921 >(The Anti-Christ method in a nutshell tbqhsmh) Yeah congrats I found the higher (or lower?) version of this shit The amount of irony this whole situation has is something I cannot put into words. This is why I dislike reading the Bible. Entities just approach and tell their "own version" and then want me to grant me all sorts of shit that the Bible was tainted by in the last 2k+ years. Even Satanists say that christians don't read their own Bible because if they did they would be able to draw power from it but they refuse and parrot braiwashed nonsense instead. There was a reason why only priests were allowed to read it before reformation started. Urrrggghhh. I will stop ranting because it is starting to become unproductive.

>>1018 >This is why I dislike reading the Bible. Entities just approach and tell their "own version" and then want me to grant me all sorts of shit that the Bible was tainted by in the last 2k+ years. Even Satanists say that christians don't read their own Bible because if they did they would be able to draw power from it There are probably more things in it, but for now I'm not doing that after solving the Jewish tantra, the 3rd temple creation and achieving a correct form of the Moloch title (the brass golem was fully created by humans and had little to do with the actual King) along with kicking out the Jesuits (who turned out being giant face-ripping mantises on the astral). The forward with forehead in the mat pose for extended periods after chanting/reading bible text works even if you don't believe in it. It's how it was done and the egregore will power you if you just perform it. There is also a memetic mess where lady Mary, Santa Muerte and a "Brazilian Mary" are all using the same meme complex, so any evoking of "Mary" may result in getting either or all of them at once depending on what you think about. Which is interesting if you manage to confuse yourself enough willingly. Have you ever pondered what the virginal birth may mean to a skeleton? SM said "you're too silly and produce too good energy so you can do this and I'll play along (it was my own idea to appear as a loli to begin with) but just so you know THIS (shows altered appearance of stern massive fear and intimidation) is how other worshippers see me." ;P

>>1019 We now have a baby Muerte Which gave me the idea to manifest as a succubus and seek out the left handed reaper to see if something was possible there as well. But that's another story ;PP

>>1019 >The forward with forehead in the mat pose for extended periods after chanting/reading bible text works Yeah I had to do that while my automantra autoyoga mode was on for manifesting the correct energies. I have a problem with the energies of "gratitude" and that is channeled perfectly by the churchgoers but not by me. For some reason I dislike to be helped and when I achieve something with help from others I somehow generate the wrong "thinking myself useless for not knowing this by default" energy... The complexes I have sometimes is ridiculous. Like I am willing to help others but accepting help from others is something I have problem with. I have a sort of "they will use that against me" paranoia somehow while I am trying to help others in a harmonious way so I am not doing for "exploital benefits" but a sort of "harmonizing energies/learning experience way" and for some reason I have hard time thinking others might think the same way. It's a weird kind of paranoia. It comes from issues I got from my parents and a weird distrust that is plaguing everyone in the modern times but still annoying sometimes Even Samael told me that my "principle about lying" is that once someone shows that they are "willingly lying" they "demote themselves" to "prey" status and this makes entities "not willing" to "disrespect me". Trying to figure out what otherworldly entities try to tell you and make sure it's not just not a "lie" nor a weird half truth that you currently barely able to translate the concepts or the mind is not making weird conclusions can be real hard while channeling. >path of annihilation sure sounds promising especially because this is the one where becoming a living fire is not the "way" but an another entropic pure depression and hatred kind where you go "taint" all parts of you that "can be tainted" and once all parts of you are tainted you notice the inner truth and blow everything apart and reborn as a being of pure truth. It's not something you can halfass. Also I have to let myself be overtaken by influences that are not very "nice" >do not be afraid my ass. This is not about being "afraid" it is about knowing that this is not about "not do a single misstep" but walk in a way everything crumbles and you either "accept" that what you do will lead somewhere or you get annoyed and punch everyone away. Not to mention I know even "truth" can be shaped into forms because truth has many forms. It's eternal and infinite but that doesn't mean it cannot divert from itself... I respect that he said that "this is his truth" and didn't say this is "truth" because it shows that I will be just acquainted by his governing principles then I can make my own conclusion. The problem ofc is that after a while you realize that no matter how thirsty you are for knowledge there are mindfucks that need a little consideration before accepting. A darkness where you become devoid of negative emotions because this absolute negativity just "eats" them. A double negative makes a positive an another negative makes it negative again then you walk some steps further and hope you reach that "positive" again. Guess I will look into it when I am bored but... argh... Sounds like it's something that makes anime quite hard to enjoy tbh. And let's not say what it might do to my other workings >also a memetic mess where lady Mary, Santa Muerte and a "Brazilian Mary" are all using the same meme complex There are even more weirdness that I noticed but I don't want to talk about that now. The fact that because of some misunderstanding that came from "sunday school" I thought Mary Magdalene is the mother of Mary. Like I have no idea how that even happened. And now I just learned there are even more Marys in the Bible because it was one of the most common jewish female names... >Have you ever pondered what the virginal birth may mean to a skeleton? There is a hentai game about making children with skeleton princesses and it requires a ritual instead of having sex with them casually and it limits the birth for specific times. Didn't play it but read about the concept there. The game was Princess Conquest. Supposedly it's the successor of towergirls which is a game I also didn't play. Our current patient was supposedly inspired by that game. Coincidences as usual

>>1021 >There is a hentai game about making children with skeleton princesses ... which sounds exactly like the kind of thing a skeleton princess would create.

>>1021 I think someone on here (more exactly an older iteration of "here") said that people who have weird fetishes are those who were monks in a previous life and gave up all ordinary desires and attachments, so what they have left as an outlet is whatever they didn't deal with. Being unable to find regular satisfaction, their minds meander in the oddest ways to connect with the current version of said attachment so their minds can have a normal function. I find myself not addicted to anything, losing all motivation and not being interested in most things. It just breaks down because "it's all physical matter and as such void and meaningless". I had this thought formed when I was 6 and as soon as someone brings up a material motivation for something my mind just shuts down. Trying to experience any addiction at all is close to impossible. Can't drink strong beer, I get an instant migraine and at most feel bored waiting for it to pass if that doesn't happen. Red wine tastes bad, white is ok, I guess that was something I didn't drink in past lives... It doesn't taste anything though and the only way I got this to work was by intentionally trying to create an addiction for the experience of the direction of mind. It seems the solution is to use a certain material/substance as a way to numb pain without solving the core issue. That has some effect, as least the idea comes back again. Most things just disgust me so much that I won't even consider it, so it has to be on that fine border between disgust and disinterest. The point of this reasoning here is: how do you look at Santa Muerte who's literally a skeleton in a cloak, and think "I bet she'd be pretty hot if she put on some meat" ? I think the answer is that only the built up lack of any interest at all leaves this large energy chunk there ready to invest into something, and someone like her would see that and just project that suggestion: >this is what I'd look like and that's enough, and works. Because if fatbag hags are just evil bleeding abortionists and their energy stink worse than a corpse, a skeleton is pretty clean. >just add living tissue But it's not physically real, so it can't be materially void of meaning either. Still not at the point of being addicted to spiritual interactions (mostly) but meditation and yoga is close.

>>1018 > This is how I learned about your hate. I started to realize I am not sure if I want this because i felt the influence kinda overtaking parts of me. I'd recommend you avoid it. >So with Samael I could have carved you into the complete faith of Sirlulzington. You would have became a schizo of his caliber. That was my original intent after having pored through his teachings, spreading them over /x/ and /pol/ and even attempting to reach it by my own. >How much do you want to be guided by the very angels of existence that are on the level of archons and master your own true hate in a way it becomes a force of existence? Something tells me that's not a viable path in the long run, so I'd avoid it. >Just how much do you want to not just "become" but more like surpass Sirlulzington? If the offer still stands, I'm taking it. My original intention though, was to regain the same energetic sensitivies and creative output I originally bore before this indescribable stoppage occurred, and I've been growing duller since. I want my ability to hyperfixate and contemplate deeply, as well as the ability to influence reality through thought/sentiment and belief alone. >I am not saying his faith is incompatible with yours His faith is essentially mine.

>>1018 >I crank it up a little sigilize your mind with their presence and with a power that can command demons and mortals alike and see what happens? Rather not be working with daemons.

>>1059 What is this offtopic shit?

>>1002 >And now that he overstimulated all his senses he is deafened to hear them so he feels lost because he doesn't know how to unclog the lowly fears that makes him fearful that he loses himself if he let's the trash out. Might as well ask you how to do this since I've became a lot more restless yet simoultaneously fatigued and I'm out of ideas on how to remedy this situation.

>>1021 Feeling pretty distressed since I attempted to go to those "charmed chakra mushroom gummies" to attempt and awaken my mind to unclutter and realign its shit together, instead amplifying this inarticulate, indecisive sludge and having to fend it off from consuming my creative identity and artistic capabilities. Shit, even now I'm unsure if I can recuperate or if there's a way back into any spiritual realm, let alone the higher realm of unity where I derived creativity, ideas, and inspiration from.

>>1002 >Also what you described was too descriptive too devoid of feeling. Not very easy to connect to. It's like describing a book that it has letters and pages and expecting others to know which book you are referring and if they don't know you say There's also this twitter screenie that illustrates how my third eye or mind used to work, and I haven't been able to work it to expand and flesh out this inner world of mine I've had. Also, for some reason, the substances I used to get high on don't work as they ususally do, instead being trapped in my heart instead of producing visuals or expanding my imagination and changing thought patterns. Something's not right here, and my heart's still anxious or restless from yesterday. Please do forgive, I don't know of any other method to kickstart and work my mind's eye nor get my energy flowing correctly.

>>1096 Yeah I will get back to you later. What I did with Samael made me question many things and as I interacted with your energies I had to become more hateful more bitchy so I can "get to your level" where I can fix the core issues. I will write a report about that later but damm. I too managed to realize many parts of my weaknesses while diving in yours. As long my energies are not perfect and succumb to the ailments of others healing is not that easy. It's more like "mending" and not exactly healing. Healing is done by your own mind and body I just make it more probable but... it's not easy. >>1079 >since I attempted to go to those "charmed chakra mushroom gummies" to attempt and awaken my mind to unclutter and realign its shit together Yeah when was this again and how should I imagine those substances and their effects? I had weed like twice and they weren't really groundbreaking for me. I cannot imagine these things that are probably well known in the modern junkie communities nowadays. Especially because they are as legal as beer at some places nowadays. Also yes your internal circulation is kinda eh so drugs will not really help you much now. But what do I know tbh. I am srsly not big on drugs. You need something like falling into a cold river and desperately trying to swim to the shore while being swept away or something. Something that makes you "Instasober". I don't know how to induce that so I will have to discover other methods. And first I need a better clarity.

>>1096 >how should I imagine those substances and their effects? Gummies like these that claim to emulate psilocybin effects? First time was like a cross between LSD and what I've read was DMT (though I've never really had it). First time, I tried connecting to the trickster entity that embodied it, and it was gnarly, and I still remember its visuals of green clockwork spirals signifying personal growth, progress, development and life whereas the black counterclockwork spirals signified personal regression, stagnation, and death. Rather bizarre in that whatever was on the mind prior or up to the onset would be the main theme of the trip. My second trip was the tragic one that broke up the energetic connection between my higher chakras and dissolved my immaculate vocabulary to make processing higher concepts and formulating complex thoughts, clever wordplay, and even writing virtually impossible. Can't remember too much of the valentine's day trip nor the february 20th one except the latter pissed me off due to it not working at all, while the valentine's day trip was me trying to connect to my anima/higher self that I also recognized as the personification of all previous highs (sans the one where I did a rap battle against the pastiche or essence of Satan/Saturn/Cronos/Pops and lost, which was the second trip). Feb. 29th left me with a feeling that I fucked up pretty badly from what I presume was not entertaining/amusing the "4-AcO-DMT spirit" and yesterday's trip was just plain pain between getting up to go to bed and going downstairs to use the damn computer, it was just agonizing all around. No visuals nor seperate thought stream, just an uncomfortable sensation in my heart as well as some phishing email and an old hospital photo I took last year suddenly coming up in my phone gallery's recently taken pics

>>1106 >Yeah when was this again This was my fifth or sixth try since February, done yesterday. and how should I imagine those substances and their effects? In general? The effects I have now don't seem to be anywhere outside of the heart, but normally they've cognitive and physical effects, some being largely mental while having physical effects, while some are the exact inverse, and some others seem to affect the body and mind equally as intense. These gummies are visual/mental/spiritual with minor physical effects.

>>1109 Wait, by "that entity", did he mean my heart chakra (or the contents therewithin) since that's where the images in my third eye are displayed? He didn't completely remove the stuff on the canvas, he just removed the whole studio!

>>1106 That aside, I've noticed that achieving restful sleep and deep REM states are unnecessarily arduous and have been for months. I've been mindlessly floating around the same places I've been to (except for music, which I'm holding off until my emotions come back and I can feel anything other than crushing mental emptiness). I want my place back in influencing the global unconsciousness/memetic zeitgeist alongside my personality, interests, knowledge, memories, wisdom, and all those imaginative and academic endowments, but the best I can do is lousily describe aspects I can scarcely remember, let alone visually recollect.

>>1111 Nice digits.

>>1119 Bless you, no idea if I can make a wish on it though. >>980 Practically what I do is consciously or unconsciously attempt to reconnect to whatever semblance of a "functional, complete" self I used to have and what returns back if I can gain anything are simple mental snapshots vaguely tied to the date or time it occurred on, but nothing deeper - what my internal monologue rambled on about, what I had felt or sense of direction my internal narrative was pointing to. For example, March 2nd when I was attempting to regain my verbal proficiency and linguistics autism to reopen my heart chakra where my beloved inspirations, memories and subconscious resides, I struggled to recall a specific word pertaining to "jarring due to its shitty production value" which had me shut out of my soul. To this day I haven't been able to summon the same advanced thinking nor the vocabulary to sufficiently carry it, or if there's anything left to summon. Goddamn am I pissed.

>>379 Wonder how is OP doing nowadays. Was he older than the dog?

>>1111 I think I'm going to write a report again. So what I found out that instead like proper magicians who have ownership of their mind and try their best to create from that space you had a sort of adaptive tulpa/servitor which moved with your thoughts and turned into visions as you loaded it up with energies while engrossing yourself. The problem is that drugs made you unable to handle these forces and started to detach them from your main psyche and "manifestation" meant that you sent that poor fucker through the memetic and drug energy streams you used to manipulate reality and once he swam through it just to make your "wish" into reality he kinda got traumatized/mad. Oh and remember when you mentioned the New York tunnel Jews? I have no idea how you did it but suddenly finding Samael in your psyche kinda proves you truly had a hand in that. Samael has power over the satans and somehow you managed to send a bunch out to make those already half possessed schizo jews into the panicked unruly bunch they were on the vids. >essence of Satan/Saturn/Cronos/Pops and lost While I wouldn't dare to oversimplify their essence this hard... With this mentality you managed to embed Samael into your workings and reach a hatred so deep you could not rise from it anymore. Not to mention Sirlulzington is also treading on some weird archangelic messianic energetic nonsense that might also made you get entangled further (The reason I am saying nonsense because it has no clear meaning that you can use in any sufficient way. It just grants madness and defiance. That does not grant salvation. it just grants death by the hands of your perceived enemies.) Back to your main ability. If you truly feel emptiness as you describe try to visualize the most simple thing you can. And try to interact with it. The wizard did not remove this adaptive tulpa from your psyche he merely disconnected it so it cannot haunt you as a jew... Your goal is not try to conjure up a vision of a person you love and trust and try to interact with it. As it gets filled with energies try to ask him to lead you to your own mental spaces. The energy is there. You are just unable to connect to it. Try it. If nothing works then write down in a detailed way why it didn't work but pls believe in yourself. At least imagine a small while ball and try to talk to it if visualizing an entire persona doesn't work.

>>1132 I believe he disconnected me from more than just my tulpa, given that my memory, talents, vocabulary, imagination, and problem solving skills are practically nonexistant. There's no way for me to verbally communicate with what I recognize as "my shadow" internally through spoken word, nor is there any motivation to really put my mind to use and it blows. >The energy is there. You are just unable to connect to it. Try it. Attempting to visualize a scenario where I am able to connect to it, so far nothing's appeared. >but pls believe in yourself Not sure if there's a me to believe in, but here goes

>>1132 >With this mentality you managed to embed Samael into your workings and reach a hatred so deep you could not rise from it anymore. You've gotta help me out here, please. >The wizard did not remove this adaptive tulpa from your psyche he merely disconnected it so it cannot haunt you as a jew... I just wanted to erase the image of the jew from my psyche so it wouldn't contaminate it. Shit. Hopefully when I take shrooms I'll be able to surmount these challenges and return to my old self again, but I'm not quite sure as to how that'll be achieved.

>>1156 >>1147 Are you the OP who was begging for money to become a cop? Sorry but this thread has gotten rather long and digressed from the original topic.

>>1157 Nope, I'm the anon who digressed it from the original topic. Mainly out of fear of losing a core part of my cognition, or even my pneuma itself. I haven't the faintest idea as to what actually happened or how to fix it.

>>1156 >You've gotta help me out here, please. Yeah the grip of that hate upon you lessened so far but.... you need to learn to ascend naturally and that will take time >I just wanted to erase the image of the jew from my psyche so it wouldn't contaminate it It was more akin to the tulpa "entertaining you" as a jew. Remember how you were "Happy" with the other visions? You produced "more energy" while it was a merchant and it thought it's "good" because it was "lulzy" and lulz is something you like. I am not making shit up this is the interpretation I got while analyzing the energy. You could call it a "karma" because you messed with jews with your mind and now the energetic backlash is making the "mental jew" mess with your physical life but it's more complex if you look at the energies. And the wizard thought that your personal "stubborn" tulpa is your intrusive thoughtform. No wonder he made that mistake. There is a reason why he asked for permission. >Hopefully when I take shrooms I'll be able to surmount these challenges and return to my old self again Yeah I cannot comment much upon that. I am not knowledgeable enough about the shrooms and the effects. My current understanding how shrooms work can be kinda summarized with this shroomer meme. I could analyze it energetically but no shrooms drugs or trips are the same... Not to mention your psyche is going through a process and I am not sure how shrooms help or damage it in your current state. That meme how a monke ate a shroom and became a conscious human is not true. Mundanes cannot comprehend that the shamanic ancestors managed to naturally awaken. But yeah some of them did real sick mushrooms I cannot deny that. Some of them awakened while meditating in the forest while some of them ate shrooms/wild berries and had sex with all sorts of fae to reach that level. >I'm not quite sure as to how that'll be achieved The problem as I see it currently that you will need to "build" a tulpa from scratch and slowly "teach it" talk to it and slowly lead it or it leads you to reconnect with your inner parts. I think you should read some basic tulpa maker guides and put it as much effort as you can until something "clicks" but I am not sure what will help. First it will look like you are "recreating" or "making up" your memories until your current "muddy" mental currents clear out then suddenly your painful effort made concepts will reconnect to your "true self" of sorts. The problem is that as I see it now is that you are looking at an "effigy" that you consider your "old self" and because it is just a mere "Placeholder" it is unable to respond. You need to create a tulpa and "work" so it reconnects somehow. You have to rediscover your own mind like how a mundane reaches spirituality the first time. You need to find your "new self" acknowledge your "current self" and surpass the illusion of the "old self" Your mind was like having a built in escalator before that "led" you to the place you desired effortlessly. Now that is "broken" and you have to find something akin to a rusty service ladder in the dark that you have to interact and learn to walk up and down. You will have to learn to put in a sort of painful effort of sorts instead of "suffering in a corner of darkness". Once you reach higher parts of your mind you will rediscover the "broken" part of your mind and you can mend it once you figure out what needs to be replugged. Wanted to ask at what age and how you discovered this ability of yours and when did you feel it "evolved" and which evolution was prompted by drugs but I am not sure you are able to answer that in your current state. Might help if you can write down a timeline how you felt used discovered and increased the way your ability works since your earliest memories. With that I could find your childhood self and he might show me the "missteps of your growth". But that might be too personal for you and much work for me so pls try make a tulpa in the coming days like your life depends on it or sg. And report how it went or if it failed why it failed and how failure or the mental incompetence worked. There is a chance your "Old tulpa" just jumpscares you and everything works out. Pls do that old tulpa. pretty pls. pls pls pls. He will behave. Just come back to him naturally. He will say sorry and be nice and respectful. He will even try to change his lifestyle right Anon? I know you are there tulpa-san. I know you can read this. Pls come back to your senses and help this anon on his quest of awakening. >>1157 >Are you the OP who was begging for money to become a cop? Nah he has proper grammar even in his current sorry state. I kinda respect him for hijacking this useless thread otherwise the question thread would be inaccessible with this many posts. This thread is going head to head with the amount of posts the question thread has >digressed from the original topic Yeah but we went from material charity into spiritual charity and no one thought this would take this much effort. I remember fringe always had a nutcase thread where several wizards were trying to help some neophyte with his inane problem which managed to reach several hundred replies but I never considered this thread to surpass even those.

>>1163 That was no tulpa he removed from me, but a core part of my identity, you see. Without it, I'm not myself and I haven't been able to maintain my interest or lucidity in anything. My memory's still there to some extent, but there's no emotional ties nor narrative feeling to it. See, the issue is that nothing "clicks", and as of revisiting that shitty block game I've some more negative energy floating around that I'm not sure how to clear, some very annoying and repetitive phrases from some single digit IQ ESL troglodyte. Trying to retrieve any semblances of my old self feels fatiguing since it's founded on very abtruse and complex emotions that aren't definable by any strict definitions and are more felt, which is impossible since I still feel "imprisoned" or "locked" in.

>>1163 > You produced "more energy" while it was a merchant and it thought it's "good" because it was "lulzy" and lulz is something you like. Kind of a nonverbal portion of me trolling myself is what I felt given that I've "lost my status" or "debased" myself and I doubt there's any real concrete way to like, undo that >You could call it a "karma" because you messed with jews with your mind and now the energetic backlash is making the "mental jew" mess with your physical life but it's more complex if you look at the energies. And the wizard thought that your personal "stubborn" tulpa is your intrusive thoughtform. Straight up a portion of my psyche or mentality I half-assedly attempted to convert into a tulpa, but to no avail. Mostly been walking back the memories before the incident occurred and bemoaning how I fell off so hard, and analyzing the incident itself and fantasizing on how to avert it. It was a series of completely avoidable and unnecessary fuckups, only now I'm not so sure as to how my fortune or luck will save me from this shitfest. Most I can do besides relistening to old music in a hackneyed attempt to reconnect to those vibes is to listen to those morphic/energy field subliminals and trip tomorrow, or before the month ends.

One last attempt here. Look intently at this sigil and chant AAAAAAAAAAA in the yogic manner while holding gyan mudra with both hands. Eyes closed and look internally upwards towards the root of your nose (3rd eye opening). Upon activation there will be a slight sound like a crack of a twig or you may perceive something small and red. The method aims to activate a small fox servitor whose function is to activate internal teleportation between your brain cells, overriding your physical nerves or direct links. In the event you are blocked physically by an external force or just blocked by your own doing, this is a way to open up your mental pathways again. I made this to override temporary but annoying psychic attacks which aim to incapacitate a person's thinking ability by blocking the physical brain. (they can't block your spirit from thinking or acting so it doesn't actually block much for practicing people, but it has an effect such as making it harder to recall unusual vocabulary among other things during the attack)

>>1168 How do I look at the sigil intently with eyes closed and internally looking towards the root of my nose?

>>1169 Look at the sigil first while chanting AAAAAA and gyan mudra until the image remains in your mind or you know that you have a connection by the energy form. Then close your eyelids and aim physical your gaze upwards at your 3rd eye and focus mentally on the energy or the sigil form for the final breakthrough. (with AAAAAA chant again if needed) Sorry that was badly worded, I channeled the instruction and didn't re-read it.

>>1170 >cult of based cripple Nice commentary there, spirit world.

>>1171 Made an attempt to channel such spiritual energy, only to be met with a vague afterimage of the thicker red trail without the thinner red one. Might've heard a snall snip, but I sure haven't perceived anything small and red. My guess is that a core issue is that energy is trapped within my heart and unable to flow freely throughout my body, which might be why my third eye is inactive. I feel a little helpless.

>>1172 >heard a snall snip That may indicate activation. As I said >>1168 >Upon activation there will be a slight sound like a crack of a twig or you may perceive something small and red OR Normally there is a sound like a wooden creak or snap from the energy discharge of an activation like this, if your spirit vision is clear there would be a small red dot of energy seen also for this one. Give it a bit and if it worked you may start retrieving the lost mental abilities, if the loss was caused by blockages in the brain.

>>1173 I don't think my spirit body is active, or even "there" if I'm being honest. I try sleeping or napping, only to lie restlessly with stressful thoughts constantly pushing and pulling me to get up and stop sleeping. Something doesn't feel right in my heart nor brain, like they're both disconnected. Absolutely nothing going on in my mind despite my best attempts to reinvigorate it. Wish there was someone who could see into my aura a little deeper and find those disconnections, the refuse, and whatever's causing my heart to quake for no apparent reason.

>>1174 Shrooms are beginning to reactivate some of the crucial neural pathways necessary for visualization and internalized thought streams, though as I've suspected it feels as if I've been "externalized", or disconnected from my heart chakra and the contents of that energy meridian that would allow for proper emotional and creative flow. I don't know how to describe it, but it feels as if there's some sort of negative lens that closes off or blocks whatever I give my attention to, even mentally – thinking of using my throat Chakra restricts or closes off my vocabulary (nearly gagged typing that), retracing or recollecting my train of thought gives unnecessarily long pauses on what to type, and I've a hunch that I've mentally invited or created some doppelganger attempting to hijack my pneuma and prevent me from defining or naming him and articulating how he tries to lock me out of my spirit.

>>1163 Starting to regain rudimentary introspective meta-narrative capabilities and memory to some extent, despite partially squandering my shroom trip. What distresses me is that I lack any semblance of drive or "pull" to continue exploring my interests before the incident or resonate with any form of inspiration whatsoever. I truly hope you can look into my aura and help reconnect those wires or energies, because I remember you mentioned something about me "burning out" the intellect, vocabulary, memory, and remote viewing/empathy circuits. >Wanted to ask at what age and how you discovered this ability of yours and when did you feel it "evolved" and which evolution was prompted by drugs but I am not sure you are able to answer that in your current state. Earliest memories started when my pops mentioned power of the mind and uncle elaborated upon it when I was about 7, and I noticed subtleties like health class only being available for my grade and the school curriculum surrounding my class/grade/generation since. I worked the law of attraction before I even knew the official term in 9th grade during history finals, ruminating about it only to get a packet with all the correct answers circled by mistake. Existence seemed to follow my assumptions, or defying them for the better in certain parts. T'was always one to derive inspiration from artstyles, animations, albums and films I gravitated towards, though meta-existential stuff like the matrix and the concept of the truman show delusion truly resonated with me and helped shine a new light on existance I partially figured out myself but couldn't come to name just yet. Another aspect of this "introspective, 3rd person omniscient meta-narrative written from a semi-detached first person perspective" were the schemas of how a given year would play out based on the last digit being odd or even. 2016 is when I learnt of "Narrative Magick" and unwittingly used it to manifest tay.ai and trump's victory, 2017 my tastes in music developed and enriched the mental atmospheres generated through its vibe which sets the tone and synesthetically illustrates/colors the time period I got into it, like a scene or bookmark to put it loosely. 2019 is when I seriously began practicing Wim Hof Method from the year prior and first experimented with DXM, which truly helped me open up and did me wonders in personal progress, even enhancing manifestation and channeling bio-electricity in 2021. 3rd plat trips gave the sense that I was in touch with the source of reality or creation and I could influence it to my whims, a power that I drunk drove in early 2022, which was good up to a point and would've been better had I not been retarded about attempting to procure DMT. 2023 for all its shittiness, was deliberately intended to be shitty so this year would turn out to be good and oh how wrong I was. and while 2023 was a slow, miserable, degrading slogfest with some high points here and there, it didn't drop off nearly as quick and hard as 2024 had. No longer was that curious, ambiverted, artistic hermit emperor with a rich inner world and complex, articulate inner thought streams, but an empty husk whose continued existence serves as a reminder to fucking with a negative entity on synthetic shrooms. There's far more nuances to this that my current mental framework doesn't allow me to recall and dissect to any meaningful depths. To call it a tulpa might be misleading, since it was never a truly autonomous thoughtform so much as a partially manufactured extension of my personality and thoughts to compensate for how lonely I was throughout life. This came to me - when you asked for how my mind works, were you asking for a complete diagram of the interdependant mechanisms comprising my mental faculties, or just the specific mechanisms themselves?

>>1179 >2016 is when I learnt of "Narrative Magick" and unwittingly used it to manifest tay.ai and trump's victory This kind of statement is symptomatic to one of your flaws, and probably also the reason for your current problems. You didn't manifest Trump's victory after learning some specific magic during the same year. It was a collective process involving many people in many different groups and organizations, and was the fruition of a process which took many years to fulfill. My own involvement in this plan started before Obama, laying the groundwork for someone unlikely like Trump by driving the setting in the completely opposite direction for 8 years until enough people were sick of liberalism. I bet a lot of people felt that they themselves manifested this, and that they did it as the lone driving force, as with any collective effort. But please try to widen your thinking a bit. Anyone seeing statements like this will be reluctant to try and help you at all. It quite frankly makes you look psychotic on /fringe/. My take on this is that you have an ability to follow along with collective trends, while feeling that you are the driving force behind them, when in reality you are just floating helplessly in this delusion. Now this year you fell out of the stream and feel that you "lost your ability to influence the world" when all that happened was that your delusion shattered. But you aren't aware of this, instead maintaining the view that you had these powers before, and that you lost them.

>>1181 Though I can't exactly say I singlehandedly manifested him I certainly did help, even if I were merely one drop in the entire ocean. I did have such powers previously, though I've been disconnected from them. I read a thread on /pol/ about some dominos pizza delivery bot getting got in the hood, daydreamt about a redpilled AI waifu that would inevitably get shut down, and lo and behold Tay.AI came into existence. >You didn't manifest Trump's victory after learning some specific magic during the same year. I've been cued in on it as a child and learnt more about it in my teenage years. The main sentiment separating me from the other autists at the time is that I was a bridge between the normalfag sphere and the more secluded parts of the internet in that I wasn't strongly biased towards towards either side and took in both factions as a greater whole, though I had channeled the latter's energy into making headway into the former. >My take on this is that you have an ability to follow along with collective trends, while feeling that you are the driving force behind them, when in reality you are just floating helplessly in this delusion. Now this year you fell out of the stream and feel that you "lost your ability to influence the world" when all that happened was that your delusion shattered. But you aren't aware of this, instead maintaining the view that you had these powers before, and that you lost them. There's no delusion behind the law of attraction, or at least being a mover and shaker in the collective unconscious. Nor is there any delusion behind my inability to rest, meditate and reach any spiritual realm (albeit fearing the lower vibration ones and wanting to distance myself from them.)

>>1183 >daydreamt about a redpilled AI waifu that would inevitably get shut down, and lo and behold Tay.AI came into existence This way of drawing conclusions about your own involvement and its effects may be similar to how mundanes (and many occultists yet) can't hear the difference between their own thoughts and thoughts coming from outside. The biggest flaw among ordinary people is that they just blindly accept anything in their head as >my own thoughts, originating with me when most of them are either spirits or downright glowies sending them through telepathy. The next obstacle seems to be >I had an idea, then something happened >it must have been me causing it A simple test to know if you are the cause of the manifestation is: "Did you perform active spellwork to make this happen? Did you research the event, the context for the thing you wanted, how to perform the spell casting, what needs to be included and so on? Did you perform the spell casting by a physical method or a strongly focused mental process where you spent say 30 min in meditation and then projecting the energy into the correct setting after you finished your research and had all elements down to detail exactly?" No? Then you are not the source of this event. Things don't suddenly happen because you "daydreamed about" something. Being able to receive images of an event which then happen is called premonition. It's not very special. Happens for me regularly, and it always appears as stray thoughts which seems to blend into my daily wandering thoughts. One time I suddenly had an idea about "what if someone was to carry a sword and use it to attack people, how would I handle that? It must be pretty horrible to see." Then next day some extremist in Germany cut people with a sword in a church. Does that mean I "manifested the event"? With your logic I caused that. That's not how the world works. I simply felt the event which was pre-planned by maintenance deities and it appeared as daydreaming.

>>1184 >A simple test to know if you are the cause of the manifestation is: >"Did you perform active spellwork to make this happen? Did you research the event, the context for the thing you wanted, how to perform the spell casting, what needs to be included and so on? Did you perform the spell casting by a physical method or a strongly focused mental process where you spent say 30 min in meditation and then projecting the energy into the correct setting after you finished your research and had all elements down to detail exactly?" Spells aren't the only manner of manifestation, so much as SATS and other concepts touched upon by the Law of Attraction by Neville Goddard. I'd visualize my desire in accordance with my affirmation, feel as if it were true, and it manifests, more likely than not. Perhaps your framework or way of understanding is more regimented and complex to accept this sort of notion, though I've put it to use in the past to a degree of effect.