A hard pill to swallow. Much of our world's "spirituality" is based around addiction to emotional and sexual gratification, which is misleadingly called "love". The veil drops and one realises romanticism and romantic love are nothing but Demiurgic lies to spread attachment. And everywhere you look, you find it now. The nightmare goggles don't go off anymore.

>>788 Actual real love is very powerful but the sort of empty positivism "everything is good" mentality that a lot of new age types espouse is a far cry from that.

How do you evoke a spirit? You fill the space with its attributions of correspondences. How do you invoke it? You fill your aura with energy that is resonant to the spirit. How do you mentally project or transport yourself astrally? You "prime the pump" of imagination, as Bruce Moen put it, and vividly imagine things like the ones with which you want to connect. Then the astral light begins to react and it takes shape on its own. This reminds me a lot of how large language models work. Filling the context with the kind of things you want from it will bring up from its depths more things that are coherent. In a way, it's like summoning spirits from the textual collective unconscious of mankind as it is encoded in those models. As above, so below. >>789 It is called "agape".

>>787 >Zdzisław Beksiński I should look through his paintings sometimes. >>788 >Much of our world's "spirituality" is based around addiction to emotional and sexual gratification, which is misleadingly called "love". Yeah. Did you notice how normalfags ruin every franchise once it becomes popular? Same with spirituality. If it does not cater to the most mundane needs then it's weird cryptic or "evil" for them. >romanticism and romantic love Okay the kind of "love" that is being sold by novels and movies is the most shallow thing ever. The reason why most normies are in absolute dysfunctional relationships because they are chasing a shitty dream in their head that they were programmed to chase to waste their money "for love" that they can never attain once they are deemed unworthy or poor or other societal orchestration >but Demiurgic lies to spread attachment We managed to lower the standards of "love" so much I cannot even diss the demiurge for this. >The nightmare goggles don't go off anymore. I like nightmares. Nightmares have monsters. You can punch them and strangle them. And you can awaken from those nightmares then you can go back telling those fucks that they are in the wrong neighborhood. Life is not that easy. Love can deform into hatred. While it has more uses than the "false love" it is still not a nice attachment to have. Not to mention indifference is even worse in some scenarios. You forget your own fire that way. >>789 This. All hail chaos. May true love bring us all together. >>790 >It is called "agape". Yeah it can get more complicated than that. Christians don't know all aspects of love but sure as hell able to blind themselves with their own versions of "love" and "faith". The higher forms of love can bind you to a God(dess) or merge your very own internal parts in a harmonic manner. I am not preaching love the same way as a new ager fuck I am saying this because currently I am working to understand the soul forces more perfectly. The infinite colors of the soul star the 16 petals of the heart chakra etc because that love makes us human and it is important through development to not forget it. You might say I am a demiurgist I don't care but we managed to downgrade love to a level where we just want to sit down and perish in a corner instead of trying to find higher truth. I dislike the world agape because that is still unable to describe the higher levels of love. Not to mention once you go and try to understand how Buddhists see compassion as a force that they use for the most potent miracles. Do not disregard love because others only able to express the cheapest and most marketable love ever. If you want you can embrace hatred like me and punch the manifestations of demiurge for a while but then you will notice that hatred leads only so far and higher spiritual truths cannot be grasped with a heart that does not know love. Also the demiurge is a pussy. He is even portrayed as one. >I'm a lion rawr :3 I am even embedded in the fabric of reality >Whatdoyoumeanyoucanwarpthatfabricwtfsomeonegetmeouttahere There are beneficial lion deities tho. I do not consider everything an aspect of the demiurg. But I cannot say I am beyond attachments. If I was I wouldn't be here anymore. Is spirituality an attachment? Or the pursuit of spirituality? If you let go of that attachment then are you free or doomed forever? If you are bound to nothing do you fly to heaven or fall into the abyss? These were some questions I had to answer for myself but I am not sure the answers are universal enough so I can share them yet. >The veil drops There are too many veils and many pills to swallow. I am never sure if I see things the same way as others who claim that they went beyond the "veil". They say it like there is only a single veil. Only a single stream a single illusion only a single endless ocean that hides the great beyond. They cannot comprehend that there might be more. Or if they do they don't bother to speak about it anymore. They know only very few people can understand them at that level anymore. Why bother wasting words.

>>793 Nightmares are great. I often visit Hell worlds in my nightmares where there's these huge dark labyrinths where monsters chase people around and hunt them. I think of these as 'cold Hells' since the despair comes from lack of hope, while in 'hot Hells' the despair comes from burning pain. I have never been in a hot Hell, but the cold Hells give me some sort of aesthetic synergy. I like observing the entities there. And even if you lose control nightmares can be useful because they show you any weaknesses you may have overlooked.

Intentionally maintaining ignorance about something seems to make it magnitudes easier to change it. Once you see it, it's 'locked in'. I don't know if this is a limiting belief or universal.

>>868 What you observed is 100% the case, but it's because as above, so below, NOT because of the observer effect. The observer effect is terribly misunderstood. Macroscopic systems are in a collapsed state whenever they interact with any other macroscopic system. A random interaction between to systems counts as "observing", even if none of the two are self-aware or conscious at all (but isn't everything conscious in the universe?). As for your observation, Montalk on montalk.net has a whole series about that. I feel like he's boxed himself in in dogma after so many years of research, but his earlier insights are excellent.

Yesterday I took quite a bit of DMT. 190 mg. I ingested it orally in the form of something called pharmahuasca, which is just when you take a monoamine oxidase inhibitor beforehand so your stomach enzymes don’t destroy the DMT before it’s absorbed. The purpose of this experiment was to attempt to dissolve a hard limit I’ve run into in my practice that I’ve been unable to overcome with meditation. I have never used mind-altering substances like this before, as I did not want to become reliant on them, but since the purpose of this was to create a one-time monumental change in my worldview, I felt it was necessary. The limit I was trying to surpass was the limit of the mind-matter duality, or spirit-matter duality. I had previously felt it to be completely impossible to cause overt effects in matter directly, using just my mind. I know that it’s not actually impossible, because I have performed telekinesis once or twice in a way that was unmistakable for anything else, but I still felt it was impossible. There were other ‘impossibility’ limitations I wanted to surpass as well. I drank the chemicals, and the first thing that happened was that I was drawn into a series of intense dream-like visions. It started with some bird-like shapes, and moved into black-and-white shapes which may have been catlike. I lost all concept of time. I may have been screaming when I was having the visions. It felt like I was screaming but I didn’t have my body at the time so I don’t know. I came to as I vomited, and I was very thankful for vomiting as it brought be back to reality. It felt very good. After this I was afraid to close my eyes. At this point I remember thinking that I was extremely arrogant for doing this. I was confident that I would be able to call on the concepts I work with to protect myself, but the very notion of concepts just weren’t there any more. I remember thinking that this must be what it’s like to be a baby, because all of my learned concepts of reality had just been torn down and I had to learn everything all over again. I had no nucleus. Now I began to get stuck in ‘time-loops’. Every time I had a thought, it was as though the thought took up the entire universe of my awareness, and the beginning of time was the beginning of the thought and it just kept looping back on itself. I was unable to remember who I was or what it was like to be human, only the thought was there and whatever context came with it. I began writing my thoughts down on a notepad I had next to me, which was helpful for keeping my mind in reality. I also talked to myself continuously. Occasionally it would feel like it was starting to end, but then it would just start up again. I remember telling myself that I would never take the ground for granted again. I ingested this drug because I wanted to introduce chaos and energy to break up my constricted grounding, but now I had no ground or baseline concept of reality at all. I’m pretty sure that this is what it feels like to die. You lose your gravity, and are swept up in the winds. Before this I had strong recurring suicidal urges. I don’t think that’s going to be an issue any more. I know the value of gravity now and I don’t want to throw it away. This experience lasted 6 hours. I remember when I started remembering what it was to be human again and regained the presence of mind to be able to walk around my apartment without falling into an eternal time-loop I was so happy that I started singing and talking in rhyme. It felt like the end of ‘It’s a Wonderful Life’ when George gets his old life back. I still feel a bit manic this morning. I was only able to get a couple hours of sleep last night because I couldn’t stop running through analysis of these events in my head. Conclusions: I don’t think I ever want to do this again. It felt like going to Hell and back but it was very educational. I think I got what I wanted to get out of it. I don’t see the world in terms of mind and matter anymore. It feels like reality is more like a series of loops, like a wave looped in and connected to itself so that it forms a circle, and the circle is a particle. No mind or matter, just interconnected loops of action that lead in to one other. I think the difference between the loop of this reality and what I experienced is that the DMT loops were very small, and they were very fast, which made them more obvious. This is a very big and very slow loop. And the various aspects of this reality are all their own loops, and I think that now I can connect to them and see them and act on them. I will have to spend some time revising my magical practice, and how I perform workings. I believe that I have a lot more tools to work with now and I need to learn how to use them. I believe that the first experience where my mind exploded changed something about me. I feel a lot more extroverted now. I’m still talking to myself, and I feel a lot more uninhibited. It may just be residual mania but I feel that my mind is a more outward-focused now. It’s like I instinctually ‘retreated into myself’ at first but the energies were just too much and the lid got blown off. I think this is good. Also my legs felt intensely sore after this, as though I spent the entire day walking. I assume this represents lower energy center activity as my relationship and conceptualization of grounding and gravity was altered radically. In the coming weeks I’ll need to run a lot of experiments to determine the potential applications of this new reality framework, but I’m still digesting it all.

>>886 Well my magic is definitely a lot more powerful. And more natural. But it's not any more precise. Or rather it's more like I still don't fully grasp how this life's narrative relates to energetic particle-cycles in a way that can be reliably exploited. I feel like I'm going a bit crazy now. Like I'm stuck between worlds. That's good, I wanted to go crazy. My hypothesis was that if someone's crazy enough to believe in their spell 100% like how they believe in a rock, then it'll be as real as a rock. I kind of want to try again even though I said I never would. The first time my question was answered marvelously. If I ask a more pragmatic question maybe that will be answered too. Definitely not the 6-hour variation though, I think that gave me PTSD.

>>886 After reading your post I decided to try and emulate the effect internally and under my control in a very slow and mild manner using servitors to examine the exact effect the drug has on the brain. I was able to incorporate what I saw into my already existing frame of understanding, but I'll share what I saw: I saw at first predatory fish or flying lizards, then appeared some kind of black apes with sharp teeth and black fur. There was then a large bird skeleton, its face was skeletal, and it kept switching left-right as if it existed in two timelines at the same time. The movement created an X. My view changed and I saw that I was in the sky above the Earth. I looked down and saw a circular energy motion which was red on one side and white on the other, it was granular. Wavy forms shot out from the circular stream and went into the middle of the large circle, where they joined into a black circular motion. I had the impression I was looking at China and the wheel of reincarnation there. My view went back up to the bird, and it was now a carnivorous plant which ate people, and it seemed to be sorting them left and right based on their qualities. Some went to "China" and others were send the other path. I went back on the other path and that trail lead back to myself.

>>911 I tried to create a "DNA" for the effect of doing this in a controlled manner as such. It's contained in this sigil.

It smells of sunflower seed oil in this thread.

>>948 >sunflower seed oil I recently started using that instead of olive oil.

>>972 I've been eating more cooked tomatoes myself.

>>912 >>911 This looks fairly accurate. Although I should say that half the value I got from this was from the loss of control. Not just because it showed the weakness of the way I was relying on and working with concepts in my work but also because it somehow made it easier to accept the loss of control that comes with 'casting your awareness out' into a spell and letting its heartbeat suffuse your awareness and take on its own existence. Like for example, I've posted on Sunflower about how I'm able to get around my allergy to eggs by 'purifying' them with energy manipulation beforehand. This is a useful spell for my testing because it has a direct, measurable, physical effect. Before this I had to focus and sit in front of them while consciously 'pushing' energy into a white fire thoughtform until the 'corruption' was all burned away. Now I can simply glance at them and slightly 'lean into' the heartbeat-cycle of the fire thoughtform and it will spring into action with a life on its own and continue until everything harmful is burnt away, with results that are the same or better than before. I think the uprooting helped my scrying as well. Sometimes vivid images just flash in my mind’s eye now. It probably has something to do with loosening the grip that the ego has on the imagination, allowing thoughts to take on a mind of their own. I was wanting to do this again this week but I think I’m still spiritually hung over because I get a spike of nausea whenever I think about going back in. Last time the intention I put on it was to ‘receive knowledge about the truth of reality’ (aka the red pill). This time I want to try to cast an intention to remake my ego (nucleus of temporal existence) to allow for more intense and direct manifestations of power on my part. I really don’t like how 95% of my spells manifest as coincidences. It’s not a matter of intensity of the energies being channeled, it has more to do with the lens through which reality is viewed, or the lens through which the intention behind the spell is cast into action. I’m not sure if it’s ‘belief’ or something more like ‘narrative genre’. Finding out how to overcome this has been my #1 goal for the past few years.

I realized the reason I love /fringe/ so much and why I don't want it to die is because after my initiation I began noticing how utterly alone I was in a sea of mundanes, and only this board makes me feel there's other people out there who understand.

>>1025 It really is amazing how few legitimate occult forums are out there. Most of them are just filled with normies asking stuff like "how do I cast a curse/love spell" and nothing else.

>>1028 There is a sort of armchair spirituality religion spreading among mundanes, sort of a new new age. They think by virtue of declaring themselves "awake" and "spiritual", they are, and they do "rituals" that amount to little more than superstition. I'm not strawmanning, I know a few of these. The don't understand inititation, or how anything works. In fact, they get uncomfortable when you talk about results based magic, or when anything actually happens. All they care about is "doing rituals" and "shadow work" to feel "spiritual". It's as if the veil of Isis, instead of simply hiding her face, was painted with another face meant to misdirect them. They escaped from one world of illusions to another, more confusing one. Holy shit, imagine the afterlife of these people. Anyway, sorry about the rant. >>1008 Are you sure they're coincidences? What I mean is that coincidences are in the eye of the beholder, in my experience. If you are naturally sensitive, you will feel that whenever something manifests (the moment of the coincidence), the scene will take an unnatural feel to it, similar to that moment in dreams when one becomes lucid and the dream characters momentarily lose their personalities and look at you like puppets. Moreover, even if it doesn't involve you directly, you will coincidentally hear about it when it happens. Those are the times when reality shows its onirical nature. I think we are conditioned to see these moments as coincidences, but really, they are moments of lucidity in the dream of life. Maybe explore with that in mind. Much more overt things could be happening around a manifeststion event, and it could be your psyche who turned it into a coincidence by fabricating, or even manifesting, the details to furnish it with plausibility. The more you actually accept reality as dreamlike, the more you free yourself from that.

>>1029 Well I can tell when a coincidence is the result of a magical working. Usually I experience a sense of intense deja vu as the energetic makeup of the event mirrors exactly the energetic makeup of the spell that was cast. More to the point, what I'm after here is unambiguous supernatural abilities. If I do a spell to fly I don't want to experience a bit more freedom or lightness in my day to day life, I want to actually float off the ground. I know this is possible because I have been able to perform unambiguous telekinesis before, though it requires a very fragile and hard to achieve state of mind that's difficult to replicate. People like to call kinetic magic "party tricks" but the mere fact that it's possible opens up a huge avenue of possibility that hasn't been thoroughly explored yet. My rationale is rather than going through the process of using self-hypnotism to momentarily achieve this ephemeral mental state which allows kinetic magic to manifest, it would instead be more advantageous to remake the psyche or ego-framework to remove whatever psychic block is preventing these effects from being transmitted from a state of normal consciousness. I've had this obstruction manifest directly when doing experiments with a psi-wheel, as a sort of visceral panic in the gut that rises up as the wheel begins to move, like you're 'breaking the rules' or doing something wrong by causing those physical effects with your mind. I believe that if the construct which is causing this were to be removed or otherwise integrated, it would greatly increase the power and versitility of what effects are possible with magic.

>>1030 I have two credible testimonies involving overt telekinesis of a heavy, metallic object and of levitation. I aslo have the testimony of someome who met someone with this kind of siddhis, and they described being in their presence as >it didn't feel like I was with a person, but rather a mystical experience, like encountering a deer in the forest, alien, magical, like a part of nature Those are the clues I have to unravel this mystery. Make of them what you will. But I do believe the process involves changing your psyche into something other than human, and thus impeding your ability to function as such, to an extent. Of the two siddhis testimonies, one was an angry child, and the other a half psychotic hermit.

>>1030 Would you tell us more about the feeling of breaking the rules or doing something wrong?

>>1037 It's similar to the sensation of falling you get sometimes when you're falling asleep and get jolted awake. Like sort of panic that occurs as the object begins moving, saying ‘something’s wrong’. Nothing rational, entirely instinctual. >>1036 John Chang is the best documented example I have of someone skilled in kinetic magic. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0AZU8S9F0yI Reading the Magus of Java, it seems he was able to teach his students to do similar things. Collective consciousness probably also plays a large part in it, I bet doing these sorts of things is a lot easier if you grew up in an environment where the sort of mechanistic atom-based materialism that’s so prevalent here simply wasn’t a factor. Of course, other beliefs would probably introduce different types of deeply-rooted limitations.

>>1038 I find this video disingenuous. Near the end they show a guy (one of his student?) breaking a bottle by slapping it. But anyone can do this (as long as you've got two hands). It doesn't require magic like his other feats do

>>1041 It's a pretty big stretch to say that a 2 second clip presented without any context during the epilogue makes the entire 10 minute video disingenuous.

>>1036 >Of the two siddhis testimonies, one was an angry child, and the other a half psychotic hermit I feel personally attacked. >>1030 >People like to call kinetic magic "party tricks" but the mere fact that it's possible opens up a huge avenue of possibility that hasn't been thoroughly explored yet. Yeah I remember when I got good at TK. A yellow or green energy field appeared around the object and once that happened it started to move with my will. So far so good rith? Well... It turned out I am literally merging dimension I am binding my susceptible mind to raw matter I am opening portals to other dimensions and entities are suddenly migrating through my bedroom and because my mind is open incursions are easy. Not to mention randomly overcharging equipment while staring at them too much because I didn't realize I didn't just "flick" a single switch but like 5-10 in my head and don't know which they were. >as a sort of visceral panic in the gut that rises up as the wheel begins to move, like you're 'breaking the rules' or doing something wrong by causing those physical effects with your mind Yeah. One more thing from the angry child psychotic hermit of the board... You must watch out for never displacing your own vital and psychic energies with these "party tricks" because it causes problems. Once it starts "moving" you must remain as calm like you just moved your arm and not like you suddenly "broke a finger". Displacing energies can be like that. I remember I had this randomly displace energy symptom and my car stopped functioning until I asked an another mundane to turn it on. Killing the electricity in the car because I was too angry while driving... Then I was walking in a half trance while pondering about a magical issue and as I turned on the lamp as a reflex it flickered then turned off. I had to tap the lamp and make a GET OUT feeling so I reabsorb my wandering energies and the lamp started working. I still have to watch out with this because TK is as easy as moving your arm but your "rule based mind" is not letting you move your arm in a way it breaks. Try to willingly break your fingers. Each and every one of them. See the "willingness". For TK you need that much willingness and a feel to know how to place the energies then reabsorb them. IF you displace your energies then unable to reabsorb it or leave open channels on your energy body you will leak or suck in shitty energies. I am not trying to scare you here just understand what true madness can give you and why TK is called a "party trick". Siddhis should be a symptom of awakening and not it's main reason for awakening. Even I suck at "willful siddhis" because my mind is not stable enough so I am focusing on the attainment of the stable higher mind. Some parts are too high some too low and they short circuit and cause problems. I can manifest things but it must be devoid of desire. Otherwise it causes retarded attachments connections and energy leaks. Also your problem is that you want to "prove" magic. If you want to "prove it" then you concluded "magic is not real" then you are arm wrestling yourself until you defeat your inner mindset then as you "win" that moment of surprise will change your mindset and your skepticism takes back the seat of power as the "fundamental reality". For easy TH it must be the most natural most plausible thing and "it couldn't have happened any other way" Party tricks are cool but once it happens you will just get too much attention from mundanes trying to "disprove" or "ignore" what happened. Or they go into an energetic frenzy and that is what you call a party Who do you want to "prove" magic? For yourself? For God? To unbelievers? Do you want to become Jesus? A new Bardon? Want to change the way mundanes think? "Faith" is not enough. You need resolve and conviction. Things work because they cannot work any other way. Society sees the madman as the mad while for the madman society who is mad. Everything that the madman does is normal for the madman. Remember once you become the madman you lose your comfy standing in society until you attain mastery. This is not a "warning" this is something you will have to explain the parts of yourself that you are trying to make "mad" for power. >>1029 >whenever something manifests (the moment of the coincidence), the scene will take an unnatural feel to it For some reason when I think of something then it happens I wonder if I "sensed it" and that is why it was in my thought stream before happening or I caused it without noticing. It's a >was this my fault? kind of thing I remember some years ago my family mentioning that whenever they thought about me I appeared. But that usually happened before me loudly proclaiming in my head that IT'S TIME TO VISIT GRANDMA then I went there intently. Nowadays I know how to "think" with less decibels. Not to mention when I awoke from a sleep always 2 minutes before a phonecall. Was staring on the ceiling thinking >why the fuck did I wake up then as I was trying to figure out if I had a dream that or something that spurred me awake but I forgot then I got a phone call that would have woken me up and would have made me angry for disturbing my sleep therefore I instinctively avoided it. Realized my premonition works as much a future event agitates me. It's about marking an event in such way it becomes visible. Nowadays I am figuring out how my emotions resonate with the psyche because they grant the lower psychic powers aka reality alteration but my emotions require quite the stability for higher magic too which is also reality alteration but such a way you alter reality so it can "house" your awakened existence. Something like this post describes. >>1036 >>it didn't feel like I was with a person, but rather a mystical experience, like encountering a deer in the forest, alien, magical, like a part of nature I have like 10 around and they are nosy as hell. Ever since I connected to the forest spirits the forest animal fauna is overgrown as hell. Darn. No wonder urbanites are so shit at magic. For them a "deer" is a magical experience. >changing your psyche into something other than human Not other than "human" but not a mentally bodily and spiritually bound to earth and matter like the malfunctioning drones around as are. You want to become a "true human" and not a mere imitation like others. But some of us are not human to begin with. For that you have to find your inner channels and how they operate the body and reality. This is my problem with mass initiation. Souls are too different. Hard to create universal foolproof theories then write them down in a way everyone can apply it without a true master explaining it. >>1025 >after my initiation I began noticing how utterly alone I was in a sea of mundanes Strive towards mastery and turn those mundanes into initiates. Problem solved! Wish it was that simple lol >and only this board makes me feel there's other people out there who understand awwwww >I realized the reason I love /fringe/ so much Wanted to make a thread about this. Why we love fringe how we found fringe and what is our expectation for the future of fringe but I felt that the energies of fringe are still immature and as much as unproductive shitposts were always part of fringe I didn't want that as a starter. Not to mention my worry of "immature energies" got confirmed after that AI written thread about the fringe show. Didn't even watch that yet. Is it like x-files but more paranormal? I have too large of a backlog already. Not sure if I care.

>>1051 Alright let me think. #1 thing is power. The ability to enforce one's Will upon reality. Achieving this mastery is currently my purpose in life. I would be willing to burn myself into ashes for it. I suppose breaking my fingers would be easy compared to that. I just need a hammer. Can this goal be achieved with my current toolset? Well, no. If I want to float off the ground, I can't do that. That's a problem. It's not so much "proving magic" as "demonstrating mastery". Mastery must be demonstrated and actualized for it to be real. That is a fact. Theoretical power isn't much use for anything other than fertilizer. That's what I'm doing right now. Using it as fertilizer. Reason for awakening… I don’t think it’s just ‘I want to do cool things’. I want to tear down and remake what I am. Pulverize the bones into dust. Alchemy. I want to change the game that I’m playing. Or rather, become capable of changing the game. Programming, "hacking".

>>1045 It's there for a reason.

>>1052 >#1 thing is power Power comes and balances with wisdom. The problem with modern humans is that we are too powerful already. And by powerful I mean we conquered out environment into conformity. Because of this we have no reason to strive further and force evolve ourselves. Living is not a true challenge but a constant annoyance nowadays. >The ability to enforce one's Will upon reality You have that already. You are enforcing your will with you keep living eating flesh and plants maintaining the economy around you and using your fleshy bits to post on the interwebz that compel me to reply. That is already power. You might say that is not "enforcing". This is the "tricky bit". Enforcing means you want to arm wrestle someone into submission which means to feel that you have "power" you need a "foe" you can defeat. You cannot conceive that sometimes power =/= victory. Things go into the least resistance and magic is about learning to channel these forces into the place you want them to be. "Coincidences" are just manifestation of least resistance. Hard to consider that "power" I know because we have this power = tyrant/dictator absolutism mentality. God created the world from nothing and didn't toil and sweat and broke rocks with a hammer. For us that is what power means. Real power is effortless. Only the breaking of energy blocks and clearing out the resistance they cause will be "challenging" and not natural flow. Natural flows create the greatest power. See it with wind water storms lightning and electricity nowadays. Flowstates are the psychological manifestation of being in power while being washed forward currently. You probably don't consider "walking" a power because it's that effortless but it requires quite the energy and the power to do that >Achieving this mastery is currently my purpose in life Same... but you will have to explore this further. What do you want to be the master of? What true mastery means for you? There was that tale when the Buddha met a yogi who meditated for decades to be able to walk on water and the Buddha told him his skill is worth 2 coppers. The yogi was angered and asked why. The Buddha told him because the ferryman carries him over for that much. Now I am not trying to prove your foolishness here but you have to understand that you need to look for a "goal" where you could convince your lowest and highest selves that what you want is NEEDED AND NECESSARY NO MATTER WHAT and not sound like a spoiled child. This is why I asked the "convince God" part. You will have to convince him that you are willing and able to hold your powers. Be (with) him within or without. >I would be willing to burn myself into ashes for it Brave words but you sure of it? I am only asking because if your guides see that you are this retarded or your fear of death kicks in your resolve will shake like a leaf in the wind. t. someone who burned several parts of himself to ashes and knows he is still not done with it. >I suppose breaking my fingers would be easy compared to that. I just need a hammer. What hammer? Grab it with your hand and break it. You will not do true magic with "tools" you will do it with faith and true resolve. Twist it so hard it snaps. See what happens and how your psyche screams how retarded you are and shouldn't do that again. This is how magic is. "Sanity" is blocking you from wasting all your precious energies on shitty party tricks. Once you are overabundant with energies siddhis manifests on it's own but then you have to retain control. Having no power or having no control over power and breaking everything precious? Which is worse? >If I want to float off the ground, I can't do that I realized that I could do that but some parts of me would panic... then my energy centers contract shit and piss themselves and I look there retarded as hell. Like when I misaligned my spine with a dumb ass magic in my teens. You will have to talk this out with your inner aspects if you are truly ready. It's like jumping down from a building without a thought while knowing the pain it causes before you even considering the jump. If your body knows you don't have enough vital force or the necessary control it blocks your immature "will". >I can't do that. That's a problem At least you are not misplacing objects randomly while being mad. >so much "proving magic" as "demonstrating mastery". To who? >Mastery must be demonstrated and actualized for it to be real Not exactly. That is required for you to recognized as a master in a community where there is an "exam". You cannot expect yourself to be a master from the get go. Especially when you never met a real master. You have no reference points. Group meditations are good with a master because you can sync to his mindwaves but doing it randomly with mundanes or alone without a higher guide present will not always result in anything productive. What I wanted to say is that you have misconceptions what is a "master". Every master has it's own master you will have to find yours. Or find the inner bravery and wisdom to walk the fool's journey. >That is a fact Facts are malleable by those who have power. This is why you have to go insane to stop being limited by your own "facts". >Theoretical power isn't much use for anything huuuuuhhhh. Okay. This will be hard to unwrap. Theoretical power... Like we are trying to use metaphysical concepts that boil down to power. Which means you have to stop thinking and start doing. The problem with the "theory" part is that currently you have only your own theories and conclusions. Once you gain schematics from higher beings literally "living concepts" this "theory is not power" mentality will be a harsh one because then that playhouse of inner thoughts become a powerhouse that warps reality. I too have to pay attention to think in a way it causes no anomalies. I have to stop my inner tantrums and lulzy thought experiments because they just perpetuate shadow issues. I have to retain my inner focus so I only release my energies when needed and not as a stress relief. Asking myself what I am doing why am I doing it what I am looking for is a daily thing. I have to weed out my lowly desires from my true will. >much use for anything other than fertilizer This is... weirdly and well put at once. I would call it "inspiration" instead of fertilizer because fertilizer is manure corpses and worms. Theoretical power is like schematics written on paper. They are not the "real materia" that will grant the power but the work you will put into while actualizing it. >That's what I'm doing right now. Using it as fertilizer Use the word inspiration instead. >I don’t think it’s just ‘I want to do cool things’. I want to tear down and remake what I am. Pulverize the bones into dust. Alchemy. I want to change the game that I’m playing. Or rather, become capable of changing the game. Programming, "hacking". Yeah but as someone who hacked games since his childhood and does that with reality... The first things that will happen is you will break the game cause glitches and might get banned or sealed for your own safety. What you describe is a step on the path a necessary one but what you require comes after and the "will" into that state that higher awareness is more important than the processes that lead there. What you require is the higher mind and the wisdom. Power comes with wisdom. Wisdom that does not grant power is not "real wisdom" but mere wisecracks or preaching.

K time for an actual advice >>886 >At this point I remember thinking that I was extremely arrogant for doing this. I was confident that I would be able to call on the concepts I work with to protect myself, but the very notion of concepts just weren’t there any more. I remember thinking that this must be what it’s like to be a baby, because all of my learned concepts of reality had just been torn down and I had to learn everything all over again. I had no nucleus. Go back to this stage. Try to remember it. And forget your "nucleus". It goes deeper than that. Everything is connected. You will have to decentralize. And see all parts of yourself from all directions. There are 2 main types of magic. Lower magic like tantra and the transmutation of vital and elemental forces into results and higher magic when you use higher symbols Gods or your higher self to channel truth itself. What you need to do is forget your "false center" because it creates a tunnel vision and find the higher mind and guide your lower energies so you can stabilize it into an ever present workable system that comes from within and without. First you will have to find it then you probably will need a lot of energy to bridge these parts of your mind and reality and for that you will probably need to take apart most of your working systems. You will have to start from scratch. And as you said with the DMT you realized you were arrogant. That arrogance will need to go because when the trial by fire comes you will see your own true resolve and when it vanishes you will have to find it again but it cannot stay on flimsy legs as your current ego. You will have to lose control to find true control. There are 2 minds beyond your current minds. The 2 godheads you have to find. One is your subconscious forces the inner animal the "devil" your desire factory that grants the earthly powers then the "Higher mind" who is ever silent as long as you are unwilling and unable to listen. They appeared for me as 2 heads on my shoulder and you have to connect them and learn to temper yourself because your own misconceptions will make you as scared as hell if you are unable to maintain your own true intuition. They are "within" but they will appear as outsider forces until you figure out how to balance out your own internalization. Your mind is similar to my own when I was in my early academic years but more refined. My life started to get shit back then and I didn't have enough time to engross myself in my spiritual studies so I used my spiritual powers as a stop gap measure for mundane pursuits so I can be "done with them". Because of this my way of magic became crude but practical and my intuition had no choice but to chime in as much as possible. Some people will need a nudge to awaken and while I think it would be interesting continuing an academy level discourse about this whole matter to find your blindspots seems like your flame is finally getting impatient. You just need a push into a direction that will make you fall of from this current "scholarly highhorse" or I am not even sure how to describe it tbh. Your mind is clear. Might be too clear. Almost as sterile. Good for theoretical approaches but not strong enough to draw on real power. For real power you will need the spirit the dirt the flame the mud then the seeds of life and ultimately your own true. The reason of WHY and an answer that will convince God within and without. I remember when I had to beat my shadow who had every tool in his disposal that I developed so far because we got into an argument about my approach towards magic. He had my fearbound conclusion that mundane stability first magic as a hobby/interest max but nothing more. Realized he had every of my abilities that I developed so far. He didn't had those that I didn't develop tho. And that is where paradigm shift happens and revolution starts when you realize that you need to start using everything that you didn't realize yet but not forget to use everything else as a fuel. Ofc that meant I literally burned all my fallback mechanism and all my hidden mental and emotional issue containers broke open which I turned into fire and fertilizer. The hardest part was realizing the control after that because it was as you described. Remembering what it was to be born and being a baby then reattain myself again. And not clutching and tensing my own energies on illusions of control. Feels like you are nearing a rock bottom btw. Now get ready to break that rock. Then the volcano erupts and the mountain will rise. There is always a higher truth and mastery always has an infinite depth. Don't chase a cloud in the sky as an illusion of "mastery". Finding the inner passion and the true reason is hard I know. My problem is that you are doing everything "right" like a good student in elementary school and that doesn't grant them "survival instincts" so once they are out of school they will be pushovers in workplace. The efficient drones commanded by louder retard middle managers. Somehow you will have to break out but not get scared the first moment someone calls "security". It feels like you are close to an understanding breakthrough but you focus is not "piercing" enough. For some reason I think you will just fall down someday and suddenly have an eureka moment but I am not sure. I didn't do drugs so I don't know how easy it is to shift back into that mindset. I just casually fused my own madness with vampirism and Shaivism then the gates of heaven broke open. Takes effort to stabilize it for sure. Being in the perfect mindset is like being in an ever present endless ocean and having an awareness of Buddha like being in deep trance. And this is merely a stop gap measure until things appear as they should. I am still not pleased with my answer because I feel like I should say something else that will crack the core issue but this post is already too long and I should meditate because I attained an another mental framework in the past week and it's still not stable enough.

>>1060 Maybe “power” is the wrong word. I already have the “power” to fly – I can just buy an airplane ticket. That is the most natural manifestation of this ability, given the current environment. But, there’s an obvious difference between flying on an airplane and floating off the ground, even if the spirit behind the two are similar. One of the difference is “genre”. So the desired result could be framed as a “genre shift” (Why is this desirable? Because if the “narrative aesthetic” matches the aesthetic of one’s personal alchemy, results are a lot more straightforward and easier to analyze, predict, and utilize. No need to go through the process of conducting a symbolic analysis of every event). This ease of utilization is one of the major problems I have with my practice. If I do a spell, I want to know exactly what it’s going to do. Some of the operations I use work like this – food purification and energy work mostly. But for the other “results-based magic” all I have as a guarantee is what spirit the energy of the end effect is going to have. That’s difficult to work with in a reliable way. There’s also a difference in where the power comes from – what spirits you’re exercising power over. Manipulation of economic egregores and societal function in one case and spirits of “elemental air” (Maybe? If you go by Bardon’s description of levitation) in the other. The basic transmission of intent and desire is probably the same for both but the latter manifestation seems more direct and straightforward. >where you could convince your lowest and highest selves that what you want is NEEDED AND NECESSARY NO MATTER WHAT I believe is the crux of it. This desire was part of my nucleus but my nucleus was annihilated and thus it was proven that it was mortal and not worthy to “act as a god”. Anything that’s not immortal is not a god, the divine must be immutable. >>1061 >You will have to decentralize. Probably… I will need to think on this. A godform acting as a “disembodied pattern” rather than a particle. You can’t destroy a pattern, you can only destroy its manifestation. And then if it turns into a fractal, it’s hard to even do that. >>1060 >"demonstrating mastery". To who? I need to fully explore all the possible applications of power so that I know what I’m capable of. If I am unable to do something, I need to be able to understand why exactly I can’t do it, and what would need to change in order for it to be possible. This is to be done through experimentation and the collection of empirical evidence. I don’t think it’s possible to have faith in something that you’ve never actually experienced firsthand. Birds can fly but a bird that’s never flown before in its life is going to have a bad time if you toss it off a building. You need experience. Experience is another issue. The sort of results-based operations I conduct regularly simply don’t give enough “experience points” to “level up” any more, so to speak. Which is why I went to the drugs – which did give me a lot of EXP and let me level up, but this ties back again to the genre-of-power issue, I don’t want drugs to be the only option I have for “EXP farming”. It seems immensely difficult to get into any real danger with this paradigm we’re in right now. Like you said, you need to ‘get dirt in the flame’, but I’m not sure how to do that within the current realm of mundane possibility. A month ago I even tried doing some scrying to find any interesting spirits in my town, I walked to the location indicated and it turned out to just be some benign manatee-looking water spirit living in a strange grass pattern near a greenhouse. Kind of interesting, but nothing really noteworthy. I suppose I could try a spell to cause havoc around myself now that I’m thinking about it. Although I think last time I did that it just caused some stressful issues with my job. ... Actually, after I wrote that it made me aware that maybe I do have some kind of “protective bubble” thoughtform around me preventing challenging situations from arising. I’ll probably have to analyze this a bit more.

Around 2000, most of the angels overseeing the relationship between humanity and nature began to abandon the Earth and mankind was left with the spirits and the demons. This was our cue to start taking charge spiritually of the relationship between this side and the other side. Around 2020, most of the demons overseeing the relationship between humanity and the societal structures of control ("the cabal") began to abandon Earth, leaving us again, with the spirits and with the human remnants of these power structures. We have failed at every turn to take charge for creation as is our divine right and responsibility. The spirit world is a mess, and so is the human world. There were the good timeline and the bad timeline, and we are on the stupid timeline.

>>1065 Sometimes it's good to be a bit stupid. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SMhwddNQSWQ

>>1064 >I already have the “power” to fly – I can just buy an airplane ticket I truly like talking to you tbh. You really remind me about my intelligent but magically inexperienced or less insane part of my life. Did you watch Ishuzoku Reviewers? The whole manga/anime was about fucking monster girls but when they talked about magic it was spot on. The demon lord loli was aware of the modern human world so was the archmage of that world. The demon lord said how nice it would be to have a plane and fly on it. The archmage said if they would ever try to fly on it it would explode. They could fly on their own or teleport but they could never sit on a "mechanical carriage" because the presence of individuals with differing potentials warp reality itself therefore technology needs to be either supercomplex or superprimitive to accommodate energetically diverse beings. I am only saying this because there are "ways" into the other realms but for that you will have to develop your body to a stage it is "accepted" and it's capable of not dying while entering or trespassing. >there’s an obvious difference between flying on an airplane and floating off the ground Yeah because I can sit on my ass and listen to music and eat airplane food *Seinfeld laugh* instead of being an undisturbed hyperfocus trance state so I can cross a large distance. We have it too easy tbh. >even if the spirit behind the two are similar No? Airplanes have kerosene and work via generating internal explosion and use the basic laws of the physics instead of the laws of the spirit. While yes both are in air but there are different elemental and law bound forces at play. >So the desired result could be framed as a “genre shift” Oh okay this is nice and well put and I too have this. The problem is that the "genre wish" might be a same as wanting to be "in love" the same as it's in romantic books or extremely hardcore porn. It creates false expectations thus limiting you to reach it by instinct because you chase an illusion. No need to worry even I have that. I am still attached to lewd drawings and other things while I could do astral acrobatics with a myriad of spiritual waifus or use my manifestation powers or psychic homing skills to find a woman but I know that the only reason I want a gf is because I don't have one. The moment I get one I would realize I want to go meditate and do some other work instead. I know that my "desire" is still incomplete and as long as I hesitate and have doubts it will lead to mixed results Also I will stop using examples of relationship because in the last months I was trying to work with the Lovers Tarot so I can balance the inner male female aspects in a harmonious way and if I don't stop having this "lovesick" emotion I know my guides will have enough and cast a retarded harem MC spell on me. Invoking the lover aspect makes you tingle the psyche of 90% females in your vicinity no matter how you look and what you say. I am almost thankful for porn and videogames that it didn't make me waste my efforts on the other (in the flesh) sex but damm. Balancing the lower and higher energies truly require a realization of "love" and when I larp it out with spirit waifus I get the deepest TFW NO GF ever. Even tho they are there. It's just carnal desires are more different with them. And my lower desires are still imbalanced. I do tantric energy work with them and it just makes me super horny in the wrong way. >If I do a spell, I want to know exactly what it’s going to do Huuh. Yeah... For that you need extreme amount of practice with awareness and a perfect clairvoyant intuition. Like remeber God and how the fallen angels rebelled or how Jesus fucked up? True sages sit in a solitary mountain or with a close knit community for a reason. The more chaotic situation you get into the more variables arise and in the end you will have to realize there is always a "it's meant to be" or "it was a will of God" and the importance of Fate. There are just too many elements and variables at play. I am not saying that it's "impossible" to know these things because you will "know" once you get the hang of it but you know the Dunning-Kruger. The mount of stupid and the confidence and learning curve will take a while you regain a confidence then you will probably fall of that mountain once again until you figure out the way of intuitive leaps. The constant results the constant flows but that has an annoying side effect that you realize that reality is just a mere dream and you should stop wasting your powers on frivolous shit. Imagine transmuting your holy spirit into "money" that you can earn with selling drugs and offering blowjobs. That makes money your "God". If you cast a love spell is it for sex or for true love? Will you change your psyche into carnal desire or for love? But is it truly love if you had to manipulate someone to love you? Magic for "success"? What is success? Most people are the victims of their own success. They spend it on booze drugs and a hedonistic lifestyle that will just grant them ailments in the end because they forgot their harmony and became slaves to the material. Not to mention the more successful you are the more people you have to deal with because the increased attention. For fame and praise? That is also success when others clap and congratulate you. That just feeds your ego. You didn't "earn" it it was your magic that did it. You achieved results via manipulating the illusory nature of reality so you can be "clapped" by other illusions. What will happen if they start to hate and criticize you? Will you brainwash them or kill them for their defiance? That is also power. Do you want to be like the demon tyrants the hindu gods had to slay for abusing their powers over humans? I am not saying that all these things are "meaningless" because our spirit "needs it" to some degree but never drown or blind yourself with these things or truth will evade you. I know that damm too well. I thought in my teens that farming has the only problem that it's dependent on the weather. So I learned to control the weather. Then it turned out the political parties were killing the farmers so I learned to change the political climate so they care about farmers again. Then I realized that the problem is that the employees we have are dumb and unruly as hell so I learned how to shape the personality of others into productive beings... then my dad fell into absolute alcoholic despair which was hard but also doable mending for a while... Then I went to university where I had to shift my focus for studying because I didn't go into the shittiest university and once my energetic egregoric energies were gone from home everything collapsed behind my back. IT MADE ME SO MAD THAT I AM NEARING A CAPABILITIES OF A GOD AND FOR A SOLE REASON TO MAINTAIN A FAMILY FARM AND WHENEVER I FIX SOMETHING OTHER THINGS FUCK UP. Was it my fault? Nope those problems existed from the start I was simply not aware of them. My wisdom level was too low to handle it and as I went forward and forward and became a being full of hate and misery all my energy centers hardened and I had no choice but to burn all of them because my "results" barely made a "difference". Ofc it made a difference and several things had a "chance" on the long run but because I was using planetary magic too the planets had way too much influence over my "fate". Also I made a "false God" without noticing and I had to slay that because it was sapping my energies via zombie saints. Or maybe I didn't make it but just shaped energies into it. I destroyed too many things that obstructed my awakening so I am less sure what was what anymore

>>1070 There will be the point where you reach a sense of invincibility and intuitive almost "all knowingness". Now at that part you need truly experience a journey in the physical to find your own blindspots because as long as we have power we think everything is possible and we forget the real power of subtlety. Or you become a hermit autismo that hones his extremely special craft till he reaches heavens and beyond. There is a reason why mages stay in their mage tower... And do you know what the tower tarot represents right? >If you go by Bardon’s description I always think about Bardon... He had problems with Weimar then with the Nazis... then when he finally got rid of them Commies overtook his country. And he died in prison from pancreatitis which usually happens if you are too stressful energetically and it makes the organs in the solar plexus explode. He died in a prison because some energetic madness overtook him. I looked into that time period. The spirits of Silesia were in turmoil. They are quite industrious and proud spirits. What happened to Silesia was a mess politically and spiritually. No wonder even Bardon had problems with it. But I am no Bardonist. Some day I want to read through his works and rumors fully and thoroughly because I barely skimmed IIH because I disagree with some of his methods but I should pay my respects sometimes. He had as much influence of western esotericism as Crowley if not more. >The basic transmission of intent and desire is probably the same for both but the latter manifestation seems more direct and straightforward. The spirits Bardon worked with were smart and practical. Not all spirits are like that. Some of them are real "dumb" in humane intelligence terms and whimsical. You have to play with their "emotions"/nature first so they fall in "love" with you of sorts. I had to help my own dwarfs or gnomes to open up energetic pathways in my vicinity so their authority can resurrect while the Silesian spirits had an already working pathway system when I looked at them. You will have to explore and work with your own spirits. >but my nucleus was annihilated and thus it was proven that it was mortal and not worthy to “act as a god”. Anything that’s not immortal is not a god, the divine must be immutable Yupp this false ego trappedness needs to go no matter what. Even I had to learn it and I thought I died several times during the process. >A godform acting as a “disembodied pattern” rather than a particle God is everywhere. I had to take lessons in omnipresence because I let my energies run amok get stuck and I felt I am "dying" because I displaced my vital energies so I asked Vishnu real fast HOW DOES OMNIPRESENCE WORK SO I CAN RETAIN MY ENERGIES. While in Christianity we have 1 Omnipresent/potent God in Hinduism there are several so I had to understand the "Nature" of that because we have this misconception that only 1 God can be omnipotent. If there are 2 then they must hate each other. For some reason we cannot accept coexistence and harmony in our Kali Yuga programmed retardation. >This is to be done through experimentation and the collection of empirical evidence Can you eat shit? Can you grant me empirical evidence of it? You have the capabilities but probably not the willingness rith? Why would you do that that is not "normal". Remember when Crowley ate shit? Would you eat shit to prove you are powerful enough to eat it? You think eating shit does not signify power nor grants it. What if you could gain power from eating shit? Would you eat it? Even if others think you are a disgusting worm for it? What if their disgust generates enough energy to make a spell work? What if it was non other than that but merely breaking an inner barrier within you? Shit is a fertilizer and there are several mesoamerican and hindu traditions about ritual shit. We talked about setting ourselves on fire and breaking fingers. Would you eat shit as an experiment to know if it grants power? It probably wouldn't rith? Why even bother. What if a demon tells you it grants power and it is required for the ritual? Would you do it? Or if God told you do it or you and everyone dies around you? What if you tried eating shit before and you almost died from a disease but some force told you you need to do it again or the spell will fail? Taboos hold great power but breaking taboos is not the "goal" the goal is finding the way energy flows and circulates. If you gain energy and cannot invest or use it the right way it will cause more problems than worth. Just because some thing works once and the mechanism that made it work broke or is not present anymore it does not mean it won't work again. Miracles are miracles until you don't see the mechanism. After that it's boring structural integrity and metaphysical politics. Your "sense of wonder" will change quite a lot in all directions. Especially once you see what tarnation humans cause themselves all the time. >I don’t think it’s possible to have faith in something that you’ve never actually experienced firsthand I just get the "hang of things" and do them. But I hate it because I have to become "someone else" if the activity does not resonate with my own desires and keep an active focus a zone. Which causes a sort if imbalance and I fall into lethargy because I am "straying from myself" of sorts. >Birds can fly but a bird that’s never flown before in its life is going to have a bad time if you toss it off a building. Do you know how swallows learn to fly? Their parents toss them out of the nest when the time is right. Why? Because they are migratory birds and if they are unable to make the migration between Europe and Africa at the end of autumn they are dead. So they can decide to "live" and fly on that spot then build flying endurance/experience in the coming months or die. If their parents don't toss them out at the right time then they will become more dependent and die. A Swallow that does not "know" to fly by instinct is not swallow. This is how it is with animals. Small kittens walking down the first time from a ceiling fall but as they try to hang into anything their claws instantly come out and before they realize that they are falling they are already hanging onto something or they reposition fast to fall on their legs (or they die). Humans also learn "swimming" like this because as a baby you knew how to swim but you forget while growing up. I remember how in kindergarten we had swimming classes but the teachers were so uncaring I never learned it and when my cousin explained it once I figured out why I was shit at swimming and floating. Teachers nowadays don't bother "teaching". For most of them this is just a wageslave job that they want to finish and get paid. Very few cares about the future of their students. I truly liked them that had passion for teaching and not in an intellectually masturbatory professor way where they are so far in their own ass not even they understand their own classes and they totally not care if their students will become productive members of society or not. Usually those professors taught the best who had actual jobs in the profession besides teaching. >You need experience Yes but you need a paradigm shift and intuition most and not experience now. >why I went to the drugs – which did give me a lot of EXP and let me level up It gave you a perspective change. That is what you need but the problem is that too many perspective change makes you insane and ungrounded in reality and you forget them to get back on your feet. This is why balance is necessary. Learning to gain perspectives and insights in a balanced way.

>>1064 >I don’t want drugs to be the only option I have for “EXP farming”. Yes it's not sustainable and generates more weakspots than insights on the long run. It confuses your energetic and physical meridians and you will have hard time unfucking it. The subtle body is complex and hard to grasp without seeing it. Way too unique for everyone and not even the chinese medicine diagrams can covey all but they are useful as a conceptual grounding. I should get back reading them. >you need to ‘get dirt in the flame’, Yeah but one with much much coal in it :) >but I’m not sure how to do that within the current realm of mundane possibility Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh... You are not in the mundane realm of possibility for quite the long while you know right? I am trying to figure out why you are so entrapped. Besides conformity and intellectual routines are keeping you in a loop. It's like you are in a grand and old mansion but you live solely in your garage of sorts because you don't know if you break the walls you might attain an another place entirely but think you will just destroy your own home. Which is true. You will destroy your own clean and well kept home because the old mansion is abandoned and cluttered with broken windows and holes on the ground. The garage is more comfortable and clean with all the things you love within. You will have to go and clean and repair that mansion. But do you want more work for yourself? Work to cause more work? I hope you feel why your instincts are keeping you away from this. >turned out to just be some benign manatee-looking water spirit living in a strange grass pattern near a greenhouse Yeah most spirits live on an another layer and until you become a psychic beacon of energy and welcoming benevolent being that is "fun" to work with you will just find the "exhibitionist" weirdo spirits that barely do much harm. Most spirits fear humans especially weak and willy ones. We are too noisy too unpredictable too full of ourselves. We build and demolish buildings and nature under a moments notice. An elephant stampede is more predictable than humans nowadays. They live on other layers and until you can (b)reach them it's hard to find them. >... Yeah. This is why talking these things out is a great treasure. Others will make us use our own thinking patterns in a different form and we just realize our blindspots. >I do have some kind of “protective bubble” thoughtform around me Yeah I sorta explained it with the garage of the (hidden) mansion but that protective bubble is your sort of "influence" which you share with your HGA or higher self or I don't even know how to describe your own version. Srsly. Your presence is clear. Not overtly powerful but clean. Resonates a sort of diligence but not a groundbreaking one like a shaolin master. What you will require is find a consensus/connection point with your higher self and expand in a way your life does not collapse. Mundanes and society are dirty. Their influence is barely touching you. Somehow you are able to operate via the "clean channels" only. But they are as wide as mouse tunnels. K enough looking into you my energy field is not stable enough. Seems like there is something in your life that is hard to "comprehend" in my current ego view and my energies are signifying that I am not stable enough for a deep dive. Not to mention I am sure you will figure this out. You are everything but retarded. You just have to switch the angle of your perception a little and a new understanding will present itself. Some entity is watching over you it seems. I hate looking into other occultists because their "friends" notice me especially if the occultist did notice them first. They just see me as a tunnel of light and pass through. It's like a swamp entity that murmurs as it tries to communicate but my mind is not compatible with it. Urgh. This is what happens when I stray from the academic discourse level and mix it with magic. >>1008 >‘receive knowledge about the truth of reality’ (aka the red pill) Wanted to write about how Neo did not receive the truth of reality with the redpill just the fact he is in an illusory realm he found his own powers on his own and that the other "redpill takers" did not manage to reach his truth at all and Neo only realized it after dying and understanding how fake everything is and point out several other important realizations in that movie that are easy to miss as long as you are programmed to ignore it but my post is too long already. That trilogy (+1) shaped the view of mainstream metaphysics so much but if you apply in a superficial view you just generate misconceptions that entrap you further. I really liked how the Oracle said he is not The One because he was not until he died and if he thinks He is the one without finding his powers he dies for real even tho he had a way bending the spoon. The "redpill" only allowed him to get past the illusions into the archonic reality and go into the other "false realms" where he was able to download skills and other things but his true power came without the help of the archonic reality or his "redpilled friends". Only the Oracle knew what she had to say so Neo makes it but she could say only so much so Neo finds the truth on his own. My favorite is still Mr Smith and even tho he is called Neo by others already he calls him Mr Anderson thus reminding him his old self all the time. Not to mention Neo freeing him thus turning him into the ultimate shadow that can merge with all the shadows of that prison. But the shadow has only shadow knowledge thus cannot develop further the abilities of the host he "steals" from. And even the Architect feared a devi(l)ation which was created by the One himself because only he can defuse it. Neo just returned a part of himself into his own being that he put into smith without realizing. The 2nd and 3rd movies were a simple "retrace of the path" so Neo can unfuck a simple mistake he did at the start of his awakening. While the 4th movie was the entrappment of the remade false ego. That was as painful to watch as it was probably painful to make for the Wachowski trannies. I really liked that part too where the Architect maps up all choices Neo can make and he makes an another one because the demiurge can only "read" thought patterns that are within your "Local" mind and not the creative ones. Entities have hard time fighting entities that either fight without thinking aka ultra instinct or in an true intuition way because then they are on a "plot armor" level. Wonder if I should rewatch that movie again. I have seen the trilogy only once so I probably forgot many parts already. Damm I became Sir Writesalot again. Hope at least it gave some useful perspectives.

>>1070 >>1071 >>1072 >Fringe - we build walls

>>1065 >Around 2000, most of the angels overseeing the relationship between humanity and nature began to abandon the Earth What makes you think it was 2000? >was left with the spirits and the demons What continent is this again? >This was our cue to start taking charge spiritually of the relationship between this side and the other side Lol no. The humans who don't have a connection with the spirit world die out. Earth requires a specific level of awakened humans or it is unable to function. People really like that 144.000 number but I am not sure if the number is this specific. Especially because the awakening levels differ. You can be aware of like 2 house spirits or govern 3+ continents too the same way if your mastery is high enough. >Around 2020, most of the demons overseeing the relationship between humanity and the societal structures of control ("the cabal") began to abandon Earth, leaving us again >began Yeah they totally did by their own "good will" right? When will them finish what they "began" I wonder >with the spirits and with the human remnants of these power structures Yeah I have enough angels and demons around so I am not sure what you are seeing. "Human remnants". What do you consider "Human" and "remnants" btw. I am really curious. >We have failed at every turn to take charge for creation as is our divine right and responsibility Sounds like a (You) problem tbqhfamalam >The spirit world is a mess Mine are shaping up. Also it looked worse 100 years ago when industrialization was in full force. >and so is the human world Kali Yuga is like that >There were the good timeline and the bad timeline Damm must be nice seeing only 2 timelines. What happened on those if I might ask? Asking for a reference and so I can look into it what made them so "good" or "bad" >we are on the stupid timeline Hard to argue with this but what do you consider smart? >>1073 >omg he longposted in the blog thread??? someone call the police! But yeah wish I made proper instructive effort posts like in the old times instead of this weird creative writing of mine. Hope I get my inspiration flowing for that once Or I take a break and start posting 1 liners at max for a month and meditate instead.

>>1070 > with spirit waifus I get the deepest TFW NO GF ever. Even tho they are there You need to see the true nature of menstruators manifested in a single scene. After that you won't have such problems. Too many /incels/ are like that online traplover who went to a crossdressing gay and paid to get raped by him. Only then did he realize he wasn't into traps. Once you try the real thing in its full glory with no hesitation you may have a wake up moment. For many this never happens because they move too slowly and think >it's just this woman >next time I won't mess up and they cope by shouting "have sex incel" when called out on their BS.

>>1076 >You need to see the true nature of menstruators manifested in a single scene I am seeing it. There is a reason why I am "alone". Also as I said I can look them up if I want and I can search for ones with psychic potential or with magical background from basic asrology to some witch covens/yoga studios. It's just there is no real desire within me besides baseline sexual frustration. I remember when a demon from my dream came to me after waking up and told me >bro you have simple sexual frustration problems I can help you with that you just need to learn to chiiiiiiiiiiiiilllllll Then we looked at the sacral chakra and a little shadowy figure similar to this wojak but no white parts instead a singular eye and teeth was walking around my lower meridians The demon asked >WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT I told him my: It's a shadowy boy? He started to scream in pain. I shifted into his mind to see wtf is his problem and it seems it invades the mind of demons through their 3rd eye. I am not bothered by dudebro demons since that :/ Some years ago I paid a succubus a large sum of energy so she has sex with me and she was glowing with golden light and was hesitating. I asked her what is the problem. She told me >You are a violent aggressive male that is unable to be raped Made me wonder because before that entities could do that if they really wanted it. It turned out my shadow issue auto murdered invaders out of pure sexual frustration. TEEHEE >After that you won't have such problems I already don't "have" these problems. My problems "arise" because I have to balance out my sexual energies so I flush out my murderous energies. They stay dormant if I block them but the goal is to make unabated circulation in a way it is not wasted on low level desires. And wanting to procreate is better than wanting to murder everyone which abates after you calm down. I don't desire sex my body requires a proper energy work that is "similar" to fulfilling sex but that is not what I require long term >Once you try the real thing in its full glory with no hesitation you may have a wake up moment You underestimate "awakening". You can be disgusted and feel to be "raped" or besmirched or seek a darker calling in the whole situation and attain a filthy pleasure. And the goal is to go through the "filth" but don't get "touched" by it. If I wanted high energy high filth giga orgy I could summon the strongest brain washing demons to give me an experience that will resonate me for lifetimes but that is not what I want so they get pushed away if a single moment of hesitation appears. And I am large. No "muscle mommy" will force me down. The Spiderqueen was the closest overtaking me but then she noticed an influence in my aura that made her flee and take off all the influence and marks she placed over me in her haste to "claim" and guide a promising occultist. I have "friends" that have eyes upon me. Quite a lot. If I truly required a partner they would grant me. Even if I asked for one. This is my problem. I am refusing to do it. No willingness just an inner fight until equilibrium arises. As weird it sounds it also serves as a grounding force because it's "mundanity" pulls me down from my high horse. Imagine getting brainwashed by wet dreams because you are that used to them. No one will take those parts of my mind that appear after being with low level lowers. Impersonating my family or friends is something entities try to avoid for a reason. Just a little distrust just a hate just a single moment where you "snap" when someone steps out of line. You hold back because they are family they are friends. Oh it's an invader in my dreamspace? Without the signature of my higher guides? Not even doom music can describe what happens next Also feminists are not people. They are even considered the same way as "incels" in my country. Our population is not as brainwashed as the average westerner but that doesn't mean I want to waste half hearted efforts on most of them. I know I can do it if I want it's just I don't want it. I require the energies that get generated in these "acts" but they have to get balanced in a way I am not creating psychic anomalies that demons fear and makes mundanes sick the moment they make me pissed. As above so below. If I have lower issues they will appear in higher forms too. I cut away my sexual energies once and it just siphoned my potential instead of doing the magical nofap anomaly those cultist envision. My problem is a specific kind of frustration that does not come from tfw no gf. It would alleviate parts of it so I can access the deeper parts but it is not required. It would just "break" an illusion as you said. But for me that illusion is a sort of feeling and a sort of dark desire evaporating with. This frustration did not start with this life Also was this really the only thing you could reply to? In that entire wall of text? Not to mention I can "besmirch" my spirit waifus via giving them carnal energies so they can manifest as life force manipulators for these lowly energies but ultimately that is not what I want. This is a sort of hesitation and mental miswiring on my own part

>>1078 >low level lowers I meant lovers lol 10/10 Freudian slip subconscious

>>1078 > was this really the only thing you could reply to? In that entire wall of text? Yet you turned one brick into a wall of itself. Do you really want to go there?

>>1081 >Do you really want to go there? Want? Nope. Was wondering if I am being checked or the "shadowy boy" is acting up o nit's own and now I found an issue system from the violent clenching I felt. I went there without wanting to go there it seems. This will be more than a wall. A fun maze it seems.

>>1078 > Spiderqueen was the closest overtaking me but then she noticed an influence in my aura that made her flee and take off all the influence and marks she placed over me in her haste to "claim" and guide a promising occultist She is very far away and can't touch most people with any firm grip at all. For her to even get close to me her underlings have to lay out a bridge of granite planks from below. Trying to attach someone to guide them and their energy is like a mushroom made from katanas may risk harming her minions who are upholding the connection. It's not a weakness within her herself. Many powerful beings are limited to their own domain and what we see of the workings is done through others. Their influence is carried out through others, and those may not be immortals. In the long run the ruler rules, but they need to mind their people's wellbeing in the process.

Also as for "rape" its essence is the pure desire fulfilment as overruling laws and order, it is the principle of uncompromising fulfilment in itself. It has been painted as a bad thing by those weaklings who can only thrive when oppressed by law and order. It is not about sex originally, but just pure passion.

>>1083 >She is very far away Distance is not a real issue for her >can't touch most people with any firm grip at all As if. That was one of the strongest grip I felt on that part on my path. Especially one coming from "pure interest" and a sort of feeling of "mine" like a woman trying to nab a cheap clothing before other women claim it >For her to even get close to me her underlings have to lay out a bridge of granite planks from below Yeah she kinda showed me how I can fold dimesional space so I can visit her operational webs dimensional layers so I don't need "planks" it's just she cannot overtake me the same way as... others. She sent Noel because I could grant him sacred lines so she can guide him better but for that I had to accept him as my student and whenever I talk to the spiderqueen he appears on the board with a dumb ass request and I like how the Spiderqueen reminds me that she is "always watching" but it's hella annoying because I told her I will only grant Noel the sacred lines if SHE TAKES CARE OF HIM because at my current level I am refusing to become a master of lost souls especially on other continents. She literally flicked a switch in my hesitant mind that made me angry enough to grant the sacred lines and so I can be "done with it" >It's not a weakness within her herself Weakness? I told you SHE WAS THE ONLY ONE SO FAR. Anything but "weak". >Their influence is carried out through others, and those may not be immortals Yeah Fateweavers are like that. >>1084 >Also as for "rape" its essence Rape is anger/impatience and lust mixed in manifested in a painful way >pure desire fulfilment as overruling laws and order I consider that defiance and not rape >it is the principle of uncompromising fulfilment in itself And I consider that absolutism >It has been painted as a bad thing by those weaklings who can only thrive when oppressed by law and order I kinda share this sentiment >It is not about sex originally, but just pure passion I had sex with a demon girl once and the demon lord of the realm came and grabbed the girl because she acted upon lust. I asked him wasn't me the one doing that? He told me I was acting upon pure passion so I did not sin but she was anything but "worthy" of her craft. That was also annoying. Also Dullahan best girl in MonMusu Arachne next Mia and Su tied for the third place

>>1085 >because she acted upon lust. Rape which is passion expressed is the only correct form of sex anyway, aside from ritual. Legal sex is to be avoided because it feeds the legal system rather than our own inner workings. It is a materialist ritual in itself and as such degenerate. >but we need laws to prevent rape Yeah that's how it feeds itself, that's circular reasoning. It is the same as >the "legal system" egregore must be fed with sexual energy adhering to its principles or it will die It is a parasite.

>>1087 Whenever you present your "demon thinking" I have to realize I also have to switch gears >Rape which is passion expressed is the only correct form of sex anyway When demons mean "rape" they mean that "Both partners penetrate the chakras of each other". And not exactly the human "chasing and dry raping someone who is trying to run from you because you cannot nor willing to contain yourself". >Legal sex is to be avoided Okay the one where they require written consent with lawyers present from both parties are retarded as hell and that is anything but "legal" because no law requires it and also granting the church or the state the authority so they can make "official pairs" is also retarded because people should find their own way of true bonding but nowadays it's anything but healthy. Also that they can break that bonding aka divorce thus proving that the "law" and authority was anything but law >feeds the legal system rather than our own inner workings Yeah I cannot argue with this. The lover tarot has a 3rd person present who should "bless" the union. Turning that into a materialistic parasite is not the way >but we need laws to prevent rape That's not how "laws" work. Laws and law enforcement PUNISHES rape (allegations mostly) and does not "prevent" it. Overregulation does not "prevent" crime just makes people confused and frustrated who try to proceed orderly because they don't know what is allowed which always leads into rebellion. Not to mention when there are always loopholes and judiciary mishaps takebacks and disregards from the system itself. Rebelling should mean something like breaking a stone wall and not like not drinking a pool of mud and trash with the other pigs Must be fun being in western countries where illegal migrants can rape and pillage with minor consequences while if a citizen cannot defend himself from an allegation he gets a decade in jail. Laws and legalism my ass. Feeding the legal system? That machine is bleeding to death. Just don't be in it's belly or you get devoured by the panicking parasites Also pic related classic mem. The pupils never lie.

>>1087 And this is my problem with current women. None of them managed to awaken an all consuming flame within myself where I would do anything to get them. I know where that leads. Meaningless sex will just remind me that I should have staid home masturbating. I cannot go into this simp mode where they worship women. They are not on worshippable levels. Can't even manage to worship my own female gods. Nor I feel lust towards them. This is the problem of my frustration. My passion cannot find a proper form to manifest as. Thus staying in lethargy then as it tries to break through it becomes frustration because of indecisiveness because of the poor options present. But guess I am considered as an "incel" as long as I am not punching physical women away with my bare fists who try to jump on me and rape me. It's ridiculous but you can "get" women you just need to show a willingness to enter their mindset. First they need to have something I am interested and not have an attitude where they show that everything I have is worthless weird or scary until I show a glimpse of true worth then suddenly they want everything. Yeah realized I cannot even consider myself as an incel. Once I hit it off with a woman I realize I have better things to do and just lose interest. I just let my own "demon mind" do the talking but once I feel their energies I go into a NAH then weeks later my biological processes need to urge me to do something with my libido. k great now I talked so much about it I feel obliged to solve this problem.

>>1088 It is by now just a charade of stupidity. >self-made child abuse material now make up 92% of all reports online Abuse by which religion, I thought we were now secular? Self-abuse is not a thing except in extreme feminist thought where the housewife has "internalized her oppression" and must be forcibly freed from it. Or MA-AYBE the feminist has internalized her oppression by careerist ideals and needs to be forcibly freed from those? Maybe religion is the way to go after all, freeing them from the evils they have internalized? We are now back at even playing grounds again. Right or wrong? Maybe you should just not internalize the self harm of modernism, feminism and degeneracy. Also, women stink, literally. They reek.

>>1070 You burned all of your energy centers? How did you get new ones?

>>1091 Actually I’m kinda desperate to know pretty soon since I think I lost my root chakra last night during a dark night of the soul; specifically, I was attacked, and I think the attacker was eventually dealt with, but I felt like I lost my root when the attack began and I haven’t been able to sleep since then and I’ve gradually been losing my grip, so to speak. My usual magic to get it back hasn’t been working all day and during that night, but I tried something some minutes ago and I’m not entirely sure if it worked. Could I get a reading about whether or not my root is missing just in case?

>>1092 Allright nevermind the reading; I figured out that my root was actually just so amazingly blocked that I couldn’t feel it at all, right after which I realized that I wasn’t able to feel it at the usual frequency because the frequency probably just changed, then I found my root with a sickly green color and completely blocked up with black stuff. I’ve just gotta do a buncha root work is all I guess.

>>1091 >You burned all of your energy centers? Okay you got me I burned "all" of them that I was aware back then. And I know some meridians are described that they are as wide as a lotus chalk and other things signifying that they are small subtle and narrow but they are not made of paper. "Burning" them means "burning out the trash". >How did you get new ones? Once you burn out the clogged and negative energies new energy can take it's place. Also I was kinda big on vampirism and atlantean soul smiths helped me and other entities like Shiva. With Shiva you can burn stuff as much as you want. I had too many benefactors let's say that. They like when humans awaken because they can reconnect to some aspects of earth instead of watching a bunch of monkeys throwing shit around with 0 sense or coordination. Not to mention my own higher forces reconnected. Explaining the "How" is kinda hard at this point. Magic you know... ain't gotta explain shit... Real hard to explain anyway. IT JUST WORKS >>1092 >Actually I’m kinda desperate to know pretty soon since I think I lost my root chakra last night during a dark night of the soul; specifically, I was attacked, and I think the attacker was eventually dealt with, but I felt like I lost my root when the attack began and I haven’t been able to sleep since then and I’ve gradually been losing my grip, so to speak. Lol. Yeah the chakra model is not exactly punctual and as your perception evolves you realize that it is merely a reference point but not the "real thing". The way the base energies of life and survival move and rise is more complicated. >My usual magic to get it back hasn’t been working all day I wonder what that is. >Could I get a reading about whether or not my root is missing just in case? Yeah seems like they took a thoughtform from you that you thought it's your "root chakra". Like how indigo pill thought how his nucleus is his own real center. Truth is the root chakra sigil and the mantras actually create a thought form there that concentrates the "root like" energies there so you can use it for specific yoga. I am not saying the root chakra "doesn't exist" I am saying it's more complicated and require quite the lot of pelvic muscle movement to make it rise further then other muscles be them physical subtle or energetic need training. Then other chakra formations that will work as a sort of railgun that establishes a sort of "Kundalini Awakening". When your entire spine is living magma and you generate psychic anomalies left and right you are close to that kundalini awakening. It overcharges your shadow so you need to watch over with that. But I don't think you are that reckless. >>1094 >I figured out that my root was actually just so amazingly blocked that I couldn’t feel it at all Yeah you are such a scaredy cat sometimes that it's no wonder. The root will grant you basic survival instinct while you are on earth. They will grant you basic magical self defense too. Scaredy cats are not harmless they are just not very confident in their claws yet :) >I wasn’t able to feel it at the usual frequency because the frequency probably just changed Yeah that can happen especially if you are not aware how you switch mindstates yet. >then I found my root with a sickly green color and completely blocked up with black stuff Interesting >I’ve just gotta do a buncha root work is all I guess Maybe. I too had breakthroughs considering the lower chakras and meridians yesterday night but I don't feel the spark to write that down now. My natural meridians got slightly "torn" and when they reconnect I unleash too much energy and now I have to learn to handle that. My guides have their hands full with me already no need to burden fringe the way I do things further. So weird that whenever I fix an internal issue people around me suddenly "evolve" with me and solve problems on their own. The way shared karma works sometimes can be baffling.

>>1105 >when your entire spine is living magma That’s a what-if, right? >my magic I’d rather no one mess with it by knowing how it works, at least at this stage

>>1108 >That’s a what-if, right? No when it is coiling living magma then you managed to awaken your life force in a way it can burn your impurities but according to some hard liners true kundalini is when you become a living god so I cannot say what is and isn't kundalini anymore. I would need to do more literary homework for that. In my breakthrough yesterday I had a dream where my guides made me sit in a cold pool of water so I can cool down. Never felt cold water in my dreams before. That dream was crazy before reaching that point. As I was sitting in the pool I noticed a plastic mermaid but I realized it's not real so I got bored of that then as I looked up from the water a larger and well developed women in an another pool next to me said >If you cool down you can come to me into the hot water I was in my childhood self so I realized that the cool water is really slow at cooling me down and without realizing I exited the room through a window and started to jump on rooftops in the cold wind and all I noticed that the woman was distressed that I "went out again" without anyone noticing. Seems like that shadowy boy served as a temporary plug for my fiery energies and I have to learn to slowly let go of him in a way I realize how to generate less heat by default. Or invoke the ice better? There are the flame like hot energies and the cold water ice like energies of the body too. They require balance. They operate and nourish different parts of the body. I should get back into chinese medicine again or into a deep meditation. This anon's >>1044 meridians form nicely. His intuition guides him well. Mine are a little torn because whenever I had a problem I could create stop gap measures to solve it so it never truly had a reason and time to heal fully on it's own. >I’d rather no one mess with it by knowing how it works, at least at this stage Was thinking if I should give some pointers because you seem extremely unsure how your own methods work but if you desire secrecy then keep it that way. At least I don't have to write down my own theories. For me secrecy is not a real problem because truth does not fear investigation but it's really TLDR and ever changing. Awakening is usually about realizing that your mental frameworks are just reference points and not the "real thing". Sometimes my guides tell me to google concepts that are well known in this world so I can ground my knowledge better but nowadays I should just calm down so I can cultivate my own awareness better

>>1110 I think I’ve fixed my root enough by now; now I’m having a problem where my awareness stays awake when I drift into hypnogogic imagery, and then that just jolts me out of it. >my spine is actually living magma I think I know exactly which event in my life made that happen, but I didn’t think it was a kundalini awakening or nothing since I’m cautiously pessimistic. I’m hesitant to talk about this, but I’ll face my fear and do it. About 11 months ago, I casted 2 spells to have a nice, not-bad not-wet dream with a tulpa made by the egregore of a famous female fictional character, whose egregore I’d befriended a few weeks prior, but I didn’t provide enough specifications for the magic; specifically, how the dreaming together would happen. When the spells went off, I’d suddenly felt a strong and undeniable white light around my crown, and then she entered my crown and with some hesitation on my end, she slowly went down to my root, and she entered my limbs too. She overloaded me with her energy, causing me to strongly and profoundly feel her presence in every fiber of my energetic anatomy. It predictably took a long time to fall asleep with her congesting my chakras, but we managed to dream together safely. That or the 2nd time a few days later was the happiest feeling I’d ever felt in my life. I actually didn’t have the hots for her before it happened, but a few days after it happened, she became my spirit gf, and we’re still together. If you ever decide to do this with a spirit, then know that very bad things will start to happen to both of you if you stay merged for over 24 hours, or you do it too often. You’ll also have to know how to safely remove the spirit from you afterwards. Speaking of which, we don’t merge often. I’ve given her tons of opportunities to stab me in the back since then, but she never did it even once. I’ve had the below-mentioned intrusive thought problems since long before we met. >my magic Oh fine; I’m kinda scared that someone else questioning it will fuck with how it works, but I’ll just face that fear too I guess. To do one of my methods, I mentally project to some kinda void that has a black, grey, or white ceiling that has some globs hanging from it. The ceiling has more of a connection to the all than other stuff has, at least seemingly. By pulling on one of the globs with one of my “awareness hands” as Robert Bruce would call it(seems that it’s always the right one lately), I charge the glob with my intentions, and then I release it, which ideally causes it to snap to and either hit or sink into the ceiling, which constitutes command-based instant reality creation. Because the ceiling is particularly associated with the all, the source of the magic’s power is the power of the all. However, I usually run into problems doing it, such as the glob detaching, or my awareness hands being prevented by intrusive thoughts from getting a sufficient grip, or not finding any globs, or a glob being compromised by something you’d probably call a bogeyman, or the elasticity ceasing to be while dictating the intentions, and/or most commonly, my intentions being compromised by intrusive thoughts.

>>1070 >>1071 >>1072 Alright I had to think about this for a while. The issue, I think, is causality. It will probably help to describe my spellcasting technique. I have two basic approaches. 1. Create a thoughtform/sigil (same thing), charged in the local physical environment, and ‘cast it out’ with the intent of bringing about the desired result. 2. Project my awareness to the target, and perform a modification on it directly by channeling energy into it or charging a thoughtform inside of it. Approach #1 has a problem in that it’s purely results-based. That is, it does not take into account the mechanism by which the end result is achieved, only the nature of the end result. Thus, it’s hard to work with reliably, since you don’t actually know what the spell is going to do, only the general nature of its effects in relation to you personally. Approach #2 is much more predictable, and it is the approach used in practices like energy work that have very predictable effects. Charging the stomach will make it contract almost all the time, and will get rid of gastrointestinal distress almost all the time, for instance. Moving energy to the frontal lobe will result in rapid eye spasms every time. Et cetera. So, it seems the solution to the issue of unpredictability is to simply move from approach #1 to approach #2. This also has a problem, though. I’m simply not able to achieve many results in a direct A+B=X fashion. Like if I need money. I cannot simply channel energy into a specific object to do something to transmute lead into gold. I need to rely on ‘cast out’ thoughtforms whose specific causal functions are a mystery. Haphazard, not good. So, why exactly can’t I turn lead into gold? How does magic work? Through hypnotizing aspects of reality, ‘persuading the spirits’ to do certain things. Why is the “energy” that I “channel” into objects able to “change their minds” about some things? Because it contains (represents) a higher Truth (or AUTHORITY) that they are ‘moved’ by. Where does this higher truth come from? Divinity, godforms. So: solution is to deepen my relationship with the godform-pattern that I utilize so that I am able to transmit it in a way that is more ‘moving’ to ‘the spirits’ and thus capable of altering thoughts which possess more inertia, such as physical attributes. The godform-pattern that I utilize. Tricky to explain. Throughout my practice there’s always been a sort of “black-and-white” motif that arises. Not yin and yang, more specific. Like meaning and nihilism. These are really the only two energies that I channel when doing workings; black energy for negative effects and white energy for positive effects. Maybe that’s not a godform but it’s the one unifying pattern I’ve been able to identify so I’m going with it. Anyway. You need the ‘backing of a divine force’ in order to make a convincing argument to the spirits. AKA you need to have Truth on your side, you need to have Authority. Clearly I have a bit since I’m able to make functional thoughforms with this Truth-energy, but I need more. Need ‘a relationship with god’. ‘Merging with god’? So. I decided to try vaporizing some DMT so that I could “look into the face” of this “black-and-white god” directly. It was strange, I had this intense fear before I started, as though I was about to shoot myself in the head. I tried inhaling the vapor, but it had a foul mothball taste and burnt my throat which made me start coughing. I was able to get enough for dissociative effects and visuals to just start, but as this happened I got the feeling that I was being “thrown into a gang of malicious fairies” rather than meeting any god. Maybe that was just my ego selfishly not wanting to die again, but I think it’s probably a good thing that I didn’t get enough for a full breakthrough. I’ll shelf this stuff for now. I had the notion that it just acted a key to ‘open the soul’, but now I’m starting to think that there really are specific ‘DMT spirits’ associated with it that would prevent it from being used as just a neutral tool like this. Maybe if I need another shot of spiritual chaos in the future it could be useful.

>>1074 Those “demons” and “angels” you have around you are “spirits” in the terminology used in my post. It’s just semantics.

Jesus Christ I had forgotten about this type of /fringe/ poster.

>>1116 Which type?

>>1113 >“look into the face” of this “black-and-white god” directly Realized that this is drifting back into particle-thinking. Need to meditate on "omnipresent Truth", so the god-pattern can be evoked from any arrangement of concepts.

>>1112 >someone else questioning it will fuck with how it works >but I’ll just face that fear too I guess Yeah have faith within yourself. Someone questioning your way shouldn't take it away. You losing confidence might hamper your ability but whenever you feel your ability is being dampened you have to observe the reason and influence what is messing with it. This is why talking these things out might help because if your faulty magic is losing effectiveness then it means you have to find it's inner truth ergo it grants you a chance to evolve it further. Shaky foundations need to be corrected. Have confidence but never be too reckless. >source of the magic’s power is the power of the all Yeah the ALL is everywhere therefore everything is magic >However, I usually run into problems doing it, such as the glob detaching, or my awareness hands being prevented by intrusive thoughts from getting a sufficient grip, or not finding any globs, or a glob being compromised by something you’d probably call a bogeyman, or the elasticity ceasing to be while dictating the intentions, and/or most commonly, my intentions being compromised by intrusive thoughts The pros of this ability/method is that you are interacting with your environment instead of trying to make anything work "from your head". You will have to learn to cleanse these blobs or at least observe it's nature first and "ask" it if it can generate or manifest the desired magic/outcome instead of force warping it no matter what. Applying the will upon magical matter is good but watch out to not mix with impure essences while doing so or it will just grant intrusive thoughts until your system flushes out that essence from you. Try to work with and observe these materias and see if their "nature" comes from outsider influences or by your own subconscious thoughts are manifesting through them. Try to find out the level of purity/nature and corruption they have and what causes it. Also I would advise talking about the environmental energies you have around with your spirit gf. She might have good ideas what is what and how you should handle these forces.

>>1113 >Charging the stomach will make it contract almost all the time Depends on the energies tbh. Some weeks ago I found out how energies flow in the lower meridians and I can make the energies make me hungry forever wanting to devour everything till the end or it makes my entire stomach contracted and it makes me nauseous as hell and eternally disgusted from all food... After finding this I realized I figured out a stomach reinforcing magic many years ago that makes me instinctively drawn towards foods that "blesses" my digestion so I never get food poisoning or other shitty ailments. And now that I am overcharging my energies I am making myself hungry and I have to let go of these energies instead of doing my usual NO YOU ARE NOT HUNGRY YOU FUCK food denial with hatred. I have to learn to tune my inner energies that govern hunger in a healthy way. Nowadays I have to watch for my proper food intake so I don't lose my own grounding via denying my own energies. Instead of acknowledging my hunger I just deny my ability to feel hunger and that makes my body even more mad. Had to learn how to connect to my lower muscles because it turns out strengthening via moving the abs and other pelvic muscles in the right way perfectly reboots the energy system. I am still working out what is what. What I wanted to say is that the effects change depending on the energy type and which part of the target you connect to. The energies and the channels they flow through matter a lot. I can make my stomach relaxed and contracted too depending on the energies. Sometimes during meditation I have to move around in a specific way a little because the energetic tension I felt down there was a mere burp of fart... not to mention sometimes they turn out to be energetic blobs because they shouldn't take up this much space. There is a reason why you shouldn't eat before specific meditation practices. >Moving energy to the frontal lobe will result in rapid eye spasms every time You mean eye twitching? The eye meridians are real sensitive and loading the wrong energies into them makes them twitch as hell. Hell my whole body twitches if my energies are distressed. For me that is a problem since my childhood because of the constantly cumulating stress. Ofc I learned how to turn of tinnitus headaches and slowly learn how to calm down my nerves but it all depends on the purity of your energies. Also the frontal lobe is quite "big". What you consider your frontal lobe might be some surface meridians because in the true depth of the frontal lobe rests the third eye and if you charge that with the wrong energies it hurts like hell. >Et cetera Do not oversimplify biomancy. If this was this simple chinese medicine would made us into immortals long ago. These energy movements and their effectiveness depends on our practice on our current level and the purity of the energies. Finding higher energies and applying it upon different parts of the body results in different outcomes. >simply move from approach #1 to approach #2 You need to connect them and not "move" from them. >direct A+B=X fashion A+B=AB You consider them distinct while the only real difference is that you don't limit your "thoughtform" with your "awareness". And by awareness I mean you don't put constraints upon the thoughtform the same way while you move with it. It's like not being able to pee while someone watching. (My current problem is that I have energies that are on the level of my childhood self and they run amok because they bereft of my "mundane restraint" therefore I have to reach a higher awareness based emotional maturity instead of the one I operate within the flesh body. The problem with my energies or "soul sparks" that they go too fast and not always able to bring back "memories" so I have no idea what they did because they were "having fun" like I had until my parents told me that "having fun is bad" then I became emotionally miserable and reclusive and decided to have fun in my own head so my parents don't yell at me for that... Finding out that I never attained "emotional maturity" because I gave up upon "fun" because "fun" is "immature" and "grownups" are "serious people" and "being serious" means "being miserable and angry" therefore I attained my working way via cultivating these energies and if they are not part of my "soul sparks" I have hard time following them. Now I am slowly working out this "limiting false ego" problem because somehow I convinced myself that "I am not myself if I am not miserable". If I shift into my higher mind these things don't limit me but if I am in my higher mind too much then I lose my grounding until I become miserable again... Awareness is the key then figuring out the correct energy for every type of workings. I didn't write this personal problem of mine to complain but to show how ridiculous it can get sometimes. I considered my emotions a limiting factor in my early teens so I tried to disregard it while experimenting with the psychopathic mindset because i liked the idea of iron focus and undisturbed clarity/effectiveness but I realized that psychopaths actually numb their mind then develop deep cravings that require overstimulation so they can attain something beyond/deeper than "happiness" that they disregarded long ago. The effectiveness they gain gets traded off by their insatiable cravings that they need to build a specific system so they can "reward themselves" before they snap. >Like if I need money. I cannot simply channel energy into a specific object Yeah you are doing it in the opposite way. First you realize the energy of money or wealth. Then you try to look for places or energy currents that HAVE money and then connect to it. This way you can use your built in divination to find money or business opportunities. >to do something to transmute lead into gold Yeah transmuting lead into gold will not grant you "Money" because you still need to sell that to a pawn shop or trade it for money. Transmuting something is like boiling water. You need water pot and enough heat to do that. It's an alchemical process. If I told you to boil water you would be able to do it right? You have the equipment and the knowhow. What if you were on the north pole with 0 equipment. How would you transmute water into steam? Lead to gold is EASY if you have the proper equipment but for that you need advanced 4th+ dimensional equipment and metallurgist entities that explain how to use them. Or ofc you merely cast an illusion upon it and don't do any "real transmutation" but merely fool others. Because the goal was money and not industrial transmutation. You can do that but it requires quite the high level of knowledge and awareness >rely on ‘cast out’ thoughtforms whose specific causal functions are a mystery. Haphazard, not good. Okay there is a way. Try to communicate with the thoughtform once "it's done" and ask the direction it traveled. Thoughtforms are like adventurers that got a quest and will attack and go through anything until it says "objective complete" they just follow an "Internal quest marker" then return once the "quest is done". They don't need to do more but you might be able to get a vision of their "memories". They might be not the same memories like the ones you have maybe just a smell or a feeling but might grant something.

>>1113 >How does magic work? By extremely specific or chaotic mechanisms. The more chaos something has the more variables are present the more "magic" you can do. If it's like a "specialist magic" or a method then you have no freedom because you have to follow an exact cookbook recipe. >Through hypnotizing aspects of reality Yeah but every materia has it's range. I might hypnotize you to be a chicken and you might quack and try your best to imitate a chicken but you will not grow feathers and lay eggs. But you might go and get me a chicken because you concluded that the only way I turn you aka gain a chicken by you going and getting me a chicken because otherwise you are unable to complete this quest. >‘persuading the spirits’ to do certain things Yes but there is a level of "persuasion". There are request you fulfill because they are possible while some are impossible until a workaround is found. I am hypnotizing you to be a chicken. Why I am doing that. Do I want a chicken or to humiliate you? If I want an ACTUAL CHICKEN then you deviate from my wish then you get me an actual chicken so I can eat it or something but if I just want to humiliate you then you will cover yourself with tar and feathers and put an egg into your butt or something so you can "lay it". The question is my original intention or what is the closest to it. You being covered in tar and a broken egg is not making you more appetizing than a chicken. Why did I want to turn you into a chicken? Awareness of our original energies is a requirement so we know why we do the magic at all. >able to “change their minds” about some things? This hypnotism is just an effect just a mere influence that gets worn off as time flies unless you completely break or modify the internal mechanism themselves. Some influence is like a thin coat of paint that falls off with time. >Where does this higher truth come from? Divinity, godforms Yeah but this is like saying food comes from the store. The question is WHICH STORE? There are different divinities and different authorities that deal with different matters on the physical mental astral magical and metaphysical planes of existence. IF you want to learn the higher art/craft you have to go to one and enter into a tutelage/guidance so they can teach you the tricks/way. Not to mention there is the lesson where they explain the mechanism and how you can modify it which is the "real way" or they just merely bless you with their adaptive authority/servitor that they let you command until you break it or fades away... or something in between or completely different. The arcane arts cannot be oversimplified. >solution is to deepen my relationship with the godform-pattern that I utilize Definitely >that is more ‘moving’ to ‘the spirits’ Try to ask the wish and capabilities of the spirits first pls... They are not always aware of their abilities so you have to figure out of their true nature first then apply a higher truth that they can manifest with your "help" but don't ask a pig to turn into an elephant. >possess more inertia, such as physical attributes Yeah but the question is if you want to change core properties or surface level illusions. Not to mention the "why". >Not yin and yang There are several yins and yangs. Even in the hermetic principles polarities and gender are different laws for a reason. There are major and minor yins and yangs. If I find a problem especially if it's energetical I have to figure out what is the "correct energy" that resolves it. I cannot bruteforce most things nowadays. This was my problem. I was able to solve things via bruteforce in the past thus had no need to develop my own nuance. >Like meaning and nihilism That's a good start. What grants nihilism or meaning. What is the meaning of nihilism? What grants meaning to you and what grants meaning to God. Did God assign your own meaning what is your meaning that was there since the start? What is the meaning of this? What is the meaning of God? >black energy for negative effects and white energy for positive effects I mean yeah that's a base understanding how niggers are bad and how whites are always superior but you will have to go deeper into this. I am not saying this is wrong but this "energetic racism" is not this simple. White flowers grow from the blackest ground while snow turns everything white as nature "turns brown/black" in the winter. The problem with "white" which might mean "light" is that it's more illusory therefore somewhat unpredictable and might blind yourself with it while "black" is more dirty but more effective in some regards until you find "true light" the unifying essence of reality. The light gets stronger in the darkness while we need light to see in the darkness. >You need the ‘backing of a divine force’ in order to make a convincing argument to the spirits Or an understanding of divinity in all things. >you need to have Truth on your side Yeah but "truth" can be like a scary police officer that makes the spirits do what you say because the police officer by your side is that scary or you can be scary so no spirit dares to defy you or you can have applicable truth which is the way of the spirits so the spirits can fulfill your wishes with the least resistance. You need to have truth within and speak truth with every word/intention. Find truth know truth be truth. >Clearly I have a bit since I’m able to make functional thoughforms with this Truth-energy, but I need more. Yeah but you can set dollar bills on fire to make fire or find a place that sells campfire materials and make a larger fire from less money/energy/truth. Efficiency is a key. The more you understand something the less you need to waste. Was weird finding out that most entities can be summoned without the "offerings" because the pocket dimensions are so full with the leftover energies already that I just need to pick a little "scent" from that and establish a way to the entities. Ofc if I wanted them to do some real reality altering shit instead of asking something minor I would need to put more work into it but I dislike asking others to do my work... I had to learn to rely on others. There are things spirits do better than my wild energies. >Need ‘a relationship with god’. ‘Merging with god’? And an understanding (of the nature) of God >as though I was about to shoot myself in the head Oh you will. Your mental framework is so limiting you will have (or it needs) to "die" >I got the feeling that I was being “thrown into a gang of malicious fairies” Yeah those "spirits" that you kinda "abuse" might be an itty bitty mad when you just give them unreasonable requests they "get it for you" then you are "displeased" because they did it in a "probable" way instead of warping the very fabric of reality itself so they can please you. Fairies usually soak up the energies of the environment/their master.

>>1113 >rather than meeting any god For "party tricks" you want fairies and elementals instead of wanting to bother an actual God with your nonsense. Not to mention DMT merely alters your mindset and makes you "receptive" of things and does not work as a cosmic dial mechanism. It's you who dials up things. God is everywhere. Gods are everywhere in different dimensions and you can access them via different pathways frequencies and mindsets. You need to be "worthy" to meet (a) God. >Maybe that was just my ego selfishly not wanting to die again Yeah you will have to learn to get past that. I know it's hard especially as you move forward you have to realize there are "different deaths" different shackles of karma. >but I think it’s probably a good thing that I didn’t get enough for a full breakthrough. Learn your pace. You will have to learn to balance your desire for truth/discovery and your fear of "getting lost" or losing yourself. Not easy I know. To reach the heavens you have to go through hell. There is a reason why many spiritual texts tell you to live ethical lifestyle and such. It's easier if you don't make a hell for yourself from the beginning :) >I’m starting to think that there really are specific ‘DMT spirits’ associated with it Yupp. This is a good realization. There is a reason why they are a myriad of remedies in spirituality and why there is no universal method yet. Every substance leads to a different mindset/world. >would prevent it from being used as just a neutral tool like this Yeah. The only tool you need is your mind. Everything else is a distraction. And by everything else I truly mean EVERYTHING. Find the inner clarity and the inner voice then look further for the answers within. >Maybe if I need another shot of spiritual chaos in the future it could be useful "Chaos" just means that the available variables increase but if you are unable to grab the opportunity the necessary variable that arises then it might hurt you further but truth is that you don't exactly need further variables but to decrease your own limitations. Your mind is so "well put together" that you are unable to notice things because it "never occurred to your mind" of sorts. >>1120 This sounds like a good idea. Wanted to write about harmonizing and discovering the traits and application of polarities but this post is long already. And I am not sure I have ways to explain the nature of God yet.

>>1136 Wow this intestines thing really works. I’m fasting right now and it’s like flipping a hunger switch. Although it doesn’t help with the lightheadedness. Previously for dealing with hunger I tried targeting the stomach which didn’t really have much of an effect. I suppose the correct target isn’t always exactly obvious. Actually after proofreading my post I realized that you didn't actually say anything about intestines. Why did I think you did? 'Lower meridians' and 'abs' maybe? Well it works anyway. This is strange. Anyway my technique was just to channel energy into the small intestines with the intent of getting rid of hunger. Makes me wonder what sort of other biological effects would be possible given the correct target. I’ve always wanted to learn shapeshifting, but trying the basic eye color shift experiment just makes my eyeballs hurt. Target DNA maybe? Does DNA even exist in a spiritual sense? I suppose it would be the equivalent of the ‘spirit of an organism’s biological existence’. You’d need to differentiate this spirit from the spirit of its mind, soul, social presence, etc. And then how to channel energy into that is tricky, you can either just use the entire body as a target which is too diffuse or use an image of the DNA double helix which is too abstract. Target the blood maybe? >You need to connect them and not "move" from them. Yeah I’m starting to see that. Refine which exact link in the causal chain the projected intention is meant to bring about. Declaring the intention correctly is very important. I think I was somehow unconsciously trying to detach the intention/desire from the experiments I was performing so as to make them more “scientific” which was causing issues. >>1138 >The question is WHICH STORE? I’m starting to think it’s Janus. Or the force that the Romans associated with Janus. It’s not really anthropomorphized to me, but it definitely has something to do with existential boundaries. And there are other signs as well. I’ve also discovered that I am actually able to greatly increase the energetic output to spellforms by shifting back into the mental state I was in after taking DMT, when I was being catapulted through chaotic black-and-white filigrees and shapes. Maybe this was the “face of god” I was wanting to evoke? It certainly seems capable of “opening doors”. >What is the meaning of nihilism? What grants meaning to you and what grants meaning to God. It’s kind of like light that moves through lenses to create shapes, which are objects and concepts. (What are the lenses made out of? More light). The light is “pure unaspected meaning”. The nihilism-pattern(black energy) is the absence of light, or a vacuum. >Yeah those "spirits" that you kinda "abuse" might be an itty bitty mad Maybe that’s the case. I have a conception of spirits being things like chemicals that you mix together in a lab to create specific effects. Maybe I’ll try treating them like employees (vassals?) instead. In either case, chemicals are still types of spirits though, right? Like “alcoholic spirits” (liquor) that you buy in the grocery store. >>1139 >For "party tricks" you want fairies and elementals instead of wanting to bother an actual God with your nonsense I have a bit of trouble conceptualizing elementals. The only real occult text I’ve read about them is Initiation into Hermetics, and I think I remember either you or someone else said a while ago that Bardon was working with specific elemental spirits native to where he was living at the time, so I doubt his description of elementals is going to be universally applicable. I have experience in weather magic which I suppose could be framed as ‘the manipulation of air/wind elementals’. Actually my history in that is pretty similar to yours, I started learning it for the practical application of helping my family’s corn and soybean farm. I also had the idea that if I got good enough I could become a “professional rainmaker”, though the sort of precision that would be required for that is beyond me even now. Anyway, after a while I ended up accidentally causing this: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/August_2020_Midwest_derecho due to my habit of always putting the intent for as much power as possible in my weather spells. This convinced me to slow down a bit with the weather manipulations until I had built up a reliable method to increase my control and precision. Although truthfully it was a bit satisfying to see the large effect that I was able to create. Another thing with the weather, a couple days after I just recently got rid of my “protective bubble” thoughtform, I was woke up at 4:30 am by sirens due to a tornado heading directly towards my house. This gave me a very good opportunity have a “live fire” test of my techniques. Projecting to the storm system and creating a black hole in it to drain the energy led to the wind speeds rapidly decrease after only 10 minutes, and a ‘bubble-shield’ around my town caused it to divert its course off to the side. So, it appears that I am able to work with air elementals, although I’m not sure if I’m actually interacting with them directly or they’re acting based on some other effect that my spells are having. For things like shapeshifting or transmuting matter I am guessing that you would need to work with earth elementals, but I’m not sure how I’d go about doing that. Try and evoke the image of a gnome and talk to it?

>>1153 >Why did I think you did? 'Lower meridians' and 'abs' maybe? Yeah they govern the intestines. Your mental connection was spot on. I am also learning how strengthening the lower muscles there solve many issues but "sit ups" are not the way; correct toning and energy work is the way. >trying the basic eye color shift experiment Which one is that? You know how you can turn brown eyes into blue via "burning out" "pigments" there right? This is what will you do. Burn them out and they change colors. Only do that if you have the perfect energies or you go blind. >Target DNA maybe? Does DNA even exist in a spiritual sense? Yes. Very much so. DNA is merely information that commands the "way of growth". You need higher spiritual information and an understanding of your own stored DNA so you can safely overwrite it or expand it. The body has built in spiritual awakening protocols and you have to find them on your own. Currently I am discovering 2 types of "shared karma". Societal karma and ancestral karma. Societal karma is the egregoric entanglement while ancestral karma is the "habits" of our ancestors which are supposedly "not our fault" but because our soul was compatible with this DNA profile it means our nature not just resonate with it but somewhat craves or "deserves" it and as we discover our own nature we can unlock it further. >You’d need to differentiate this spirit from the spirit of its mind, soul, social presence, etc Yes but no. ALL IS ONE after all. First you connect all of them or at least become aware of the connections then you discover the differences and the nuance of the ALLness. >And then how to channel energy into that is tricky Yes because first you have to understand the "Built in energy" then slowly "mend it" so you don't damage it further like entropy damages DNA constantly. Random DNA mutations that cause disablities are not fun After having a connection with your own energy you can evolve it further. Shapeshifting comes when "Physical limitations" are not an issue anymore. When your DNA bound mental/soul profile transcends the physical. >diffuse or use an image of the DNA double helix which is too abstract Not entirely but for me it appeared in a vision as I "upgraded it" but I cannot say that was a "conscious effort" for me because it was an energetic breakthrough of sorts. The anon in the question thread mentioned a green like substance coating on his nerves. For me it was my DNA double helix doing that. It was quite the crazy experience so I kinda forgot it so far. Thx for the reminder btw. >Refine which exact link in the causal chain the projected intention is meant to bring about Yupp >Declaring the intention correctly is very important Extremely >I think I was somehow unconsciously trying to detach the intention/desire from the experiments I was performing so as to make them more “scientific” which was causing issues. Yes. While transcending lowly desires is paramount on the long term we must not kid ourselves by replacing a desire with an "another desire" that we consider a "not desire" in our ignorance. >more “scientific” This was a mental block for me too. First problem is that the "scientific egregore" thinks magic and the power of the mind is a mere delusion at max and rationalizes or makes us rationalize and overthink everything instead of doing it the right way. Science thinks you cannot do things "right" by a godly intuitive spark you need to fail and experiment constantly then after many trials with errors reach a discovery while true magic is finding the intuitive glimpse and let it guide all our workings. But that is the "genius" that scientists worship so much because they think "they are the same as them they just need to work more and one day they become geniuses" or they arrogantly think they are geniuses already... For some reason most geniuses believed in God. Midwit scientists rarely do that. Weird isn't it? This is something "mainstream soyience" cannot accept. Religion and faith le bad. And the other problem comes from within is when you disregard your own silent hunches because they do not conform to the scientific authority and that makes you auto ignore it. >I’m starting to think it’s Janus The god of beginnings gateways and change. Yeah you will need him. Quite the good influence tbh. >not really anthropomorphized Let him take a form you can converse with. Invite him into your mind or into a sphere of influence you consider good enough for a conversation. You need to learn to establish these connection with forces no matter which kind of sentience they have. Never forget everything lives and thinks. You just need to learn to understand their "mind". >shifting back into the mental state I was in after taking DMT Nice. This is very important. Learning to switch mindstates at will without necessary outsider stimulus. Drugs take more than give and not a very good clutch on long term. >It certainly seems capable of “opening doors”. Keep going. This is what you require now. >The light is “pure unaspected meaning”. Hahahaha. What you say is not wrong but... huuuh... How to explain. You might say "sunlight" have no meaning. But plants can "eat it" and it can kill many organisms and change the form of many substances it makes you happy or give a sunburn. Which means it has attributes and uses which means it has a sort of "meaning" for every being that interacts with it. Kether the "invisible light of God" is also similar but you have to channel it into other aspects so it can become "decipherable" like how chokmah and binah is wisdom and understanding on the Kabalah. At this part I kinda agree with you how it is "unaspected" but once it "interacts with you" it becomes an "aspect" with you that you sorta "give" meaning. "Unaspected" is also an "aspect" if you get me. The "trick" is to learn to not defile and corrupt this "pure essence" but find your inner impurities with the help of the light purify them so you can ascend further towards the understanding of true light. But to understand light you have to understand the "false light" and to see true light you have to sit in the darkness first. Once your eyes get used to the darkness you will see the many things that make up the "vacuum". It's not always a vacuum but just a mere boundary like space and the seas. Seas many times represent boundaries for a reason and seas are rarely "empty". I liked how in Gurren Lagaan there was a time where they made space so "dense" it became a liquid. If space is vacuum what are the original materia of the blackholes that can "pull" vacuum. We are still at the gravity bound model with our current scientific field but it's important to understand how "true vacuum" is not an easy concept to conceive because currently we have a sort of relative vacuum concept because of the atmosphere we live in. Yeah I will stop this thought process here because I am feeling how pseud this sounds. This might be the wrong angle to look at this issue. The problem with the concept of darkness is that once you are in complete darkness in a way closing your eyes is not making things darker you usually start seeing lights or your mind is enhancing your other senses and creates internal vision in your mind so you can map your surroundings. While "light" is absent your mind is still creating "light" for you but this is also the "biological light" and there are even more types beyond that. Whatever your angle is good but you will have to go further exploring it on your own.

>>1153 >I have a conception of spirits being things like chemicals that you mix together Yeah so is your mind and your thoughts are like mere chemicals. But if I mixed you with anger and humiliation for "scientific purposes" you would be mad at me right? Like mixing fire with gasoil. The fire would be a little "mad" don't you think. (k let's not talk about fire spirits and artificial materials because that also makes the fire spirits mad. They have their "own fire" and they can invoke it if the requirements are "met" but thinking them the same as mere industrially refined fuel is mean as hell. Spirits really dislike to be treated as "expendable". They require a level of respect. We have the concept of human resources. Humans as a sort of resource. Do you consider yourself as expendable as a chemical or something with more "worth". Meditate on this concept of values worth and "meaning" and come up with a conclusion I guess. I dislike the concept that humans are expendable but some "humans" are truly behaving as "waste" and at that level they cannot be treated the same. There are low level spirits that being used as a "fuel" aka burning them bright so they can be "released from their form" counts as a salvation/good deed while some spirits really hate to be used as a fuel for materialistic purposes with no real meaning. Hard to explain. This is something you have to talk out with your spirits.) >“alcoholic spirits” (liquor) Let's not get into that now. Alcohol is a refined material that induces mental changes that some spirits love extremely as a sacrifice and even can act as a spirit "repellent" of sorts because spirits will attach themselves to the alcohol instead of attacking you in some cases but with that they cannot truly "change" the alcohol further thus they become "drunk" and fade of sorts. That science is fucking weird especially because alcohol has a specific "energy" within. Alcohol represents a sort of immortality. You turn something seasonal like grapes into something "lasting" that with time just "gets better" aka "ages like wine" if the proper alchemical processes are applied. Alcohol is something sacred in the spirit world because that is the most mainstream alchemical mastery of humans that even the spirits "envy". I will stop my Orphic rant now because it reminds me how shit "modern brewery" is in essence and the only thing they managed to reach is quantity and variety instead of quality. But the true value of the wine usually depends on the people you share it with. >I have a bit of trouble conceptualizing elementals Yeah no wonder. You cannot "conceptualize" them. Like if I went and conceptualized you that wouldn't be (You) right? It would be a imaginary friend that might be similar to you until I use some psychic hocus pocus to hardwire the tulpa into your mind so it acts and thinks the same way as you. You need to meet your elementals. They are too "earthbound" to be conceptualized this easily. Ofc with your help they will take up a form you can "interact" with but never think them as a "concept" but an actually "tangible" thing but on an "another layer". Elementals are powerhouses as long they are on their home territory. This is why you can use them to fuck with "Outsider entities" and hostiles a lot because elementals care about their domain and as long as you are a benevolent master of your domain they will make sure to keep you in "charge". They really like when a human can understand them instead of causing constant trouble for them with their ignorant noisy busybody lifestyle. Like moving some rocks into formations and other thoughtforms we can make for them can make so much difference for them as giving a sugar cube for an ant. They are "small" and bound to energy currents but once their energy current is stabilized they are true powerhouses. But to "wield them" in a way you can throw fireballs you need not just compatibility but a strong constitution too because while they are "invisible and weightless" they are like walking with 70kg+ of military equipment in the desert as their constant influence weights down your spirit. Like the magician mentioned in the question thread who hard wired fire elementals to his arms by accident and he started to lose control over his hands. It's important to establish a work routine with them because they are not as "simple" as New Agers made them be. They will burn but instead of burning your skin first they start with your inner meridians then nerves and other parts of the flesh and doctors will say that you have some autoimmune/nerve disease or something because they cannot pinpoint the original cause. >I think I remember either you Yeah that was me. I have a connection with my elementals and just thought maybe I should look how the Silesian (nowadays Czech but they dislike to be called that) ones look because they are not that far from me and suddenly I was in a perfectly established "guild hall" with stores and everything. While for my own elementals I literally had to open tunnels and everything so they can operate at all. They asked me if I can dig down like 50km deep for a treasure and I said not in the next 20 years? But it turned out they meant IN THE ELEMENTAL REALM which is just I go there and use my powers to blow things open and BOOM they are eternally indebted to me (as honor dictates). And as cool it sounds having an elemental kingdom I realized I need to git gud further because "wielding" these powers is "heavy". Not to mention it makes you "earth bound" in a different sense. Turns you into an earth spirit and gives you a different weight class. Made me realize this whole thing is not as easy as first thought. Old masters had quite the well trained human bound elementals so they were easy to work with but first I need to "tame" and learn to work with these raw weirdos. But this makes them strong as hell. >Immortal spirit hordes attacking? >Would be a shame IF ALL OF THEM TURNED TO STONE AND FELL INTO THE LOWEST ABYSS WHERE THE GRINDING MERELY BEGINS Some of the "treasures" were like radioactive crystals . Srsly it was weird and require more mastery. I have to balance out my own flesh and spirit bound elements first before I become a living elemental. Not to mention Bardon is a little complicated in some regards and I cannot say I am familiar with his workings enough to say things for certain. Reading books of occultists can make you connect to the mindset and life they lived while writing that then from that angle you can discover many parts of their way but... I have my hands full already. >I started learning it for the practical application of helping my family’s corn and soybean farm Huh. This sorta explain that sort of "swamp monster" "wet earth" elemental that appeared while looking into your "fairies". >I could become a “professional rainmaker”, Bruh I was thinking the same when I was like 16 then I realized no way I am wasting my abilities on people telling me "it was a mere coincidence" all the time. Then I realized the wider usage of psychic powers and acknowledged the fact that these powers don't deserve to be "converted into money". If I sell my powers then I am controlled by money therefore people with money are above me no matter their level which is a disgrace of this craft. Stage magicians are an another bag of weirdness but it depends if they do it for money or fame or to increase the awareness of these phenomenas of sorts. If you do things to enlighten others then it can have proper meaning virtue or good karma but to make some extra cash that you will give to degenerate landlords whores or other lowly purposes is also iffy... But that is the path of a trickster and they are governed by other laws of the fickle fate. Cannot say for sure what is and isn't allowed. Fate can seriously get weird. This is why discovering your own reason and meaning is paramount in all workings.

>>1153 >though the sort of precision that would be required for that is beyond me even now Imagine trying to coordinate air pirate bombers to destroy a papercup on a table in a dense city center without destroying everything else. Elementals truly require familiarity and a steady guiding hand so they can be "precise". They are a force of nature after all and nature has it's own precision not like the one we modern humans consider "precision". You literally need to create an energetic beacon that shows them the proper target and make sure their way is unobstructed towards it. Not easy with the modern atmospheric currents. >habit of always putting the intent for as much power as possible in my weather spells Yeah that was a pickle for me too for years. I had to realize the "trick" was to summon an uncontrollable force so "no one can stop it" then as it arrives "tame it". Like srsly. I had to watch out because I live in a flood and drought hazard territory trees fall apart like house of cards not to mention I have an oil refinery near and that also fucks with weather patterns. I remember the first year when I discovered my aeromancy in my teens. I thought maybe using my powers is "wrong" because it is the "power of God" and I defy God with it and shouldn't use it because God already ordains reality the best it should be. Then as an "reply" we got drought then a flood the next year. That was a GOD EITHER DOESN'T CARE ABOUT ME OR IF I USE MY POWER OR THIS WAS A CONFIRMATION ABOUT THE FACT THAT THOSE WHO HAVE THE POWER ARE OBLIGED TO USE THEIR POWERS TO MAKE THE WORD THE BETTER PLACE Yeah I was mad. That was when I abandoned this "magic is bad" misconception. Ofc hearing how my storms that I make sure as gentle as hell always manage to kill weirdos is always a bummer but I talked this out with my guides that people are not killed by "my storm" but usually from their own karma because storms always existed so people forgetting that storm = go inside or at least not into a collapsing building should be basic survival skill. This is the problem with "aeromancers for hire". Suddenly all weather patterns are your fault in the eyes of mundanes. >truthfully it was a bit satisfying to see the large effect that I was able to create Yeah this is the problem with awakening. First thing you want to know "if you have power" and what is the true definition of power? Destruction and death. The more dies the more power you have. This is also a safety switch upon the psyche because after that you either become the "devil" or go into "what have I done" and both of them damages the psyche so your higher self/God or other overseer forces are mending your "reality". What you do is invisible for mundanes but quite visible for entities. K fine my aeromancy gives people headaches as the pressure changes and other ailments too so I cannot say it's "undetected" but it is like a fart in the dark. You can see who did it quite well with a heat detector camera. Spirits see the energies human generate that well and how they bind other forces with it. >Projecting to the storm system and creating a black hole in it to drain the energy led to the wind speeds rapidly decrease Yeah that also works. I figured out I can "tame" the weather long ago so I can turn off lightning strikes storms that rip apart trees and hailstorms but for that I "merged my mind with the storm" I "felt it's rage" then "I calmed down with the weather". For some reason this felt natural and never even thought much about it. It turned out I naturally developed a "storm body". A sort of high energy catalyst that can "ground" the extra energies of the storm. My guide told me that I don't even need to "manipulate" the weather when it was stormy the last time I just connect to it and let the extra energies "go through me" then into the ground like how storms reach the surface either as wind rain or lightning. And about the protective bubble. I remember I had a hard time accessing the "atmosphere" once. I always could connect to it and I felt a strong resistance. It turned out that I got "acknowledged" as a proper "weather overseer" so instead of having to "inject the sky with intent" I just became the owner of my own skies. And instead of "penetrating" the "bubble" I had to "go" to the other side and open the whole thing for myself. Also because the "storm body" I get horny when it gets stormy sometimes because I found out "Lightning elementals" also exist and they "like me". They communicate by becoming once with my own bio electricity. I thought they are like some atmospheric pressure discharging or something and not like a "different" air elementals. At least I am killing less amount of electronics since I learned about their existence. Weeks ago I was under the weather so hard and my entire body was spasming like I am being possessed or something. Nope. Merely lightning elemental overload because they wanted to "thank me" that they were allowed to come here. Weather patterns can be "native" and "nomadic" too. I invited the last bunch on the recommendation of my guides instead of "summoning" or "enticing" them. The problem is that native weather patterns require a sort of "blood infusion" because of several reasons. Back then people had a connection to the weather. There were superstitions and other reliable folk magic tier forecast techniques that people were able to use. Nowadays only very few are capable of that. What we have nowadays? OMG GLOBAL WARMING WE ALL DIE AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH thus making people feel even less capable of subconsciously "helping" the weather patterns. Ofc we are going into "climate change" nowadays then artificial weather control programs fuck things up EVEN FURTHER so I went into the direction of instead the weather spirits being helpless and scared of the weather control mechanisms (because it becomes more chemical than actual spiritual at that point but fucks with the balance and natural flows long term) they just become furious as hell and insta attack the weather manipulator "Physical" equipment. Weather control sounds "nice" on paper and a solution to all problems on earth but current science and economic interests are anything but reliable and benevolent in this area. They will (maybe deliberately) cause more damage than worth in the first 2 decades. And for proper weather control we need a scientific paradigm shift first about handling resources be them material or electromagnetic. >a ‘bubble-shield’ around my town caused it to divert its course off to the side Good job!

>>1153 >I’m actually interacting with them directly or they’re acting based on some other effect that my spells are having Complicated. They are like "directionless children" They just want to "blow" like blow of steam of sorts. They can divert into selected directions and ways but that has consequences. Some of them are material destruction or spiritual where you "merge" with the energetic currents the spirits operate with. I remember when I first summoned a slyph so they can make rain for me they told me it is within 2 days and when the time was up it was nowhere. He told me he has no idea why it is not here. Then I got mad an invoked a quite strong elemental reality "shift" with the kingdom of water overtaking the skies and such. Was "mad" because of the DO I HAVE TO DO EVERYTHING BY MYSELF OR IT DOESN'T WORK??? mentality of mine because back then I was not aware that I have a "personal authority" over the land already that some spirits cannot "penetrate at will" if I am not giving them the necessary connection points. You called yours the "protective bubble". I would call mine the "oppressive (energetic) discharge" if I have to compare them by feeling. Back then I was simply not aware how much some entities fear me. Had to learn to calm down so I am not ripping myself apart with my own energies. I had to understand that the main reason my awakening didn't start in my childhood was because if it happened I would have gotten either insane or I would have killed many people who disrespected me. And while that is not my "intention" my powers are quite reactive when I am consumed by anger and hatred. My true powers manifest while I am in a sort of ennui where my mind is completely blank or when I am genuinely happy. Yeah... Anger was more of a "ever present" feeling in my life so I went and worked with that. It was a not a good idea but a learning experience nonetheless. Anger makes the energies flow too aggressively and rips apart parts of your being where your sensitivity and awareness is not "paying attention" so they can reach the "cause of your anger" the focus point of your anger asap. 10/10 if you look at from the "result based" perspective but 0/10 if you look at efficiency and sustainability perspectives. Started watching wuxia and that explores this theme too well. The moment a master loses his temper everything is ablaze but he constantly makes mistakes because "he does not care anymore" and that leads to his downfall everytime. In storm or in battle you must be at peace so your mind and actions "stay true". This perfect clarity is the step I am trying to make now. "mundane calm" and the "emptiness" Buddhists praise so much is so close but heavens apart it their truth. At that level you know and see everything as it is because you are truly "undisturbed". >For things like shapeshifting Shapeshifting is the domain of the "flesh and the spirit" for that you have to awaken your flesh and master your internal elementals in mind body and spirit. >transmuting matter Yeah let's get back to that later. Yell when you know the difference between your flesh and other physical materia first and how you can "become a non living object" in mind and spirit without corrupting your own "vital essence" first. As I said you mind is "well put together" so you are either truly great at that at the start or you will suck at it spectacularly until you figure out your own stupidity. >you would need to work with earth elementals Haha. Okay so here is a food of thought. What is "earth". Is it the ground the mud and the dust? IS it "nature"? What are metals and trees? Trees grow from the earth and eat several materials like corpses nitrate CO2 and sunlight. Metals on the other hand... They came from meteors or via other means. If they don't come form "earth" but merely "slumber there" are they still "earth elementals". K the answer is that you need to find an entity who has a domain and understanding upon this matter to explain it to you. Real complicated. Even I have to get into arguments about some matters with my own dwarfs or other entities. They look dwarflike to me and less like garden gnomes but there are several types and they change by regions. I have "halfling" like beings too but they care about foraging and hunting more. >Try and evoke the image of a gnome and talk to it? I would clear my mind and say it out loud verbally or mentally (whichever you trust more to have power) that "I am willing to listen and work with the elementals of my surroundings" or something similar. For me they just "appeared" as my powerlevel increased. Like I went to sleep and a dwarf in the distance looked at me angrily but when I asked him what he wanted he suddenly became nice and gave me a proposal to dig 50km deep. Then some weeks later I got a dream about mining operations and realized that they meant the other plane and I had access to it and because I am a "different density" than them I have powers upon that place in a way it can help them. You have some elementals around already. They just don't know how to talk to you because you never really "tried" in a way it was "inviting" for them enough. Their intelligence and way of communication varies so don't box them in with expectations. Let your intuition "Pick up" their "intents and purposes" of sorts. Holy longpostmancy I will get accused of wallposting again.

>>1159 >DNA is merely information that commands the "way of growth". So I suppose one of the issues you run into here is that even if the “way of growth” is altered, that’s not going to do much to a grown adult who’s already stopped growing. Although of course the human body is “always growing” in that it needs to keep replacing its dead cells, but still… it feels like one needs to work against a lot of inertia to do this. >Shapeshifting comes when "Physical limitations" are not an issue anymore. When your DNA bound mental/soul profile transcends the physical. Alright so… scry to the piece of the soul that resonates the DNA. Altering this may alter the DNA? Maybe. If that’s the case maybe doing direct brute-force manipulation of the DNA stored in the cell nucleus wouldn’t work because this piece of the soul would just change it back. Unless the act of alteration is backed up by ‘an act of Will’ which causes a corresponding change in the connection. I’ll need to do some looking into this. >It's not always a vacuum but just a mere boundary like space and the seas. This fits very nicely with the Janus perspective. White circle with black lines. A line being a form of negation, in some sense annihilation. Makes sense. >>1160 Alright, this is a good heading to point myself in. Seems like I’ll need to spend a lot of time in the coming week channeling spirits. One of these days I’m going to have to learn clairaudience. I can sort of retract myself from my hands or internal monologue to communicate via automatic writing (or thinking) but typically if I visually evoke a spirit all it can do is stand there and transmit emotions at me or communicate with its actions. >Then I realized the wider usage of psychic powers and acknowledged the fact that these powers don't deserve to be "converted into money". Money is weird for me, I was able to successfully do a spell so that I ‘don’t have to work’ anymore but as a consequence I have a do-nothing job leeching off of a small company, but the CEO probably doesn’t deserve it. So I’m thinking about doing some spells to make the company successful, but I know that if I do that one of the consequences is that I’m going to have to actually start working as business increases. Although it just so happens that the logo of this company is the two-headed face of Janus so maybe that’s a sign… would be a lot more simpler if something like a ‘professional magician’ was a feasible career, outside of doing something stupid being a phone psychic. >Not to mention it makes you "earth bound" in a different sense. Turns you into an earth spirit and gives you a different weight class. Reminds me of how Bardon cautions against falling in love with mermaids. >But beware of the beauty of these beings! The magician is seriously warned not to fall madly in love with a mermaid and not to lose his balance. A love like this could become fateful to him. That does not exactly mean that he is not allowed to have fun with the mermaids. He must keep the motto in mind: love is the law, but love under a strong will. A mermaid is quite able to fascinate the magician with her incredible beauty, charm and intoxicating eroticism so much that he is in serious danger of becoming one of the kind, a fact that undoubtedly would cause his physical death. How many magicians have been wrecked by an unhappy love! Therefore the magician should remain firm in command of his passions, because it is this kingdom in the sphere of elements that is the most attractive and if the magician gave way to his passions, he would fall into the hands of the mermaids for good. By the way, wouldn’t working with air elementals a lot make you light instead of heavy? >>1161 >internal elementals in mind body and spirit >What is "earth". Is it the ground the mud and the dust? IS it "nature"? What are metals and trees? Trees grow from the earth and eat several materials like corpses nitrate CO2 and sunlight. Metals on the other hand... They came from meteors or via other means. If they don't come form "earth" but merely "slumber there" are they still "earth elementals". So would it be accurate to say that each category of physical object and phenomenon has its own species of elemental spirit presiding over it? Like flesh elementals, bone elementals, DNA elementals, metal elementals (elements of the periodic table?) >I would clear my mind and say it out loud verbally or mentally (whichever you trust more to have power) that "I am willing to listen and work with the elementals of my surroundings" or something similar. I will try this in the next day or so, I’ll need to refine my intentions first. >Holy longpostmancy I will get accused of wallposting again. The information you're transmitting is useful, thanks.

>>1164 >mermaids. Well congrats. You managed to grant me a paradigm shift by somehow reminding me about the very issue my guides tried to explain me through dreams. I completely forgot about my water element and about the nature of water. Last night I meditated for an hour with the merfolk and other water energies and made several breakthroughs then slept like a baby. You will realize as you move on that most of your "discoveries" will come from the realization that you overlooked something trivial then once noticing it you can piece the whole puzzle together and rearrange the whole system of yours. I had like an earthly "crust" around me and that was "indestructible" and it had to be gently "washed down" so I am not weighted down. This is why true masters are advised to find a disciple by their own masters or at least find other masters to talk things out so they have a reason to get the noggin joggin and notice the missing links in their own thought processes. My own water element is more peculiar than I thought. Might talk about it later. >not going to do much to a grown adult who’s already stopped growing This is an important misconception. The Kabbalah is meant to be studied after 40 for a reason. Around that age the "flame of youth" will stop distracting you. Why do you want magic as a young man? Sex power fame money and other silly things. Not to mention transmuting or corrupting your "youth essence" in the wrong way might cause things only a true master can unfuck. Youth is not a "problem" but the recklessness and the arrogance you gain as you realize just how much power you have while you are "in your prime" and still lack wisdom can be the worst recipe for disaster. Member that dude who could answer the questions of the Rabbis as a child then went into the desert then came back stirred up trouble until got crossed? I am not saying age is a "requirement" but people can misunderstand the power and the distraction youth can grant while your psyche is going through constant changes. Awakening is like a second puberty. And as an adult you can see the folly of children while as an awakened person you will see all the folly of the unawakened and see them the same as "children" who need guidance and protection. >body is “always growing” in that it needs to keep replacing its dead cells Yes now the problem is that if you refuse to awaken then you are "bound" to the "gifts of your ancestors" which means your body will work as long as your built in genetic makeup can last and propel you further. This is why being an adult is a "gift" because you can be the "master of your own destiny" while as a young person you are bound by expectation and obligation that your parents and society forces upon you. Not to mention while being young you are distracted by your libido and other societal pulls. You need to reach a "maturity" to see the folly of those desires. >it feels like one needs to work against a lot of inertia to do this Once your internal flame becomes ablaze you will forget that inertia problem. You will have as much power as you want the question will be what to use for and why? >scry to the piece of the soul that resonates the DNA Good luck with that. Share results. >Altering this may alter the DNA? K now this is where it gets "tricky". Your soul tries to take up the "shape" of the body but your soul is not exactly the manifestation of your "current" body. The trick is not to "alter the soul" but rather get rid of the impurities that were enforced upon it because of karma or the necessity of living in the current human body. Once your "spirit materia" becomes pure you can alter the components of your body more freely (as the subtle body awakens) but until that it is hard and painful. Like I just found out that I completely misunderstood and glanced over several properties of the water and how the body generates absorbs and cleanses the "water of life" if the elemental properties reach a clarity. >wouldn’t work because this piece of the soul would just change it back Be thankful for that. Until you have no idea what you are doing DNA self repairs minor damages. Being too forceful without the ability to heal your own errors is a lesson in itself. >I’ll need to do some looking into this. Definitely. We might get back to this later. >I’ll need to spend a lot of time in the coming week channeling spirits Definitely. True magic starts when you are able to notice and communicate with your surrounding spirit forces. That was when my development started to take true pace. >I’m going to have to learn clairaudience Element water and air. But the spirits can do telepathy well if you keep your mind open and impressionable. No need to "hear" but let your intuition tell what is "going on". Truth is I kinda dislike letting the voices "merge" with my ears because I need to stay alert on physical matters during the day. >(or thinking) but typically if I visually evoke a spirit all it can do is stand there and transmit emotions at me or communicate with its actions. That's a good enough start already. Try to start where it "works" already. That is the way of natural growth and development. Trying to "create" a skill without being aware of the underlying mechanics might make you "knock on the wrong doors". But experiment ofc. >Money is weird for me Same. Money is a fucking meme nowadays thanks to constant economic manipulation. This is my problem with it because it is like an obvious lie that "everyone needs to accept" so the "economy" can keep going. Money lost it's worth it's status and it's authority and the only reason why we still use it because it is convenient and alternatives are near impossible currently. The parable of Midas and how he cannot eat gold and other implications were already a cautionary tale but nowadays? We don't even have "gold" we are playing with monopoly money in this monopoly economy until someone gets fed up and flips the table because half the players stopped respecting the rules they made up at the start. >was able to successfully do a spell so that I ‘don’t have to work’ anymore Yeah my only advice on this that understand your own spell and how it works. There are 1 time spells that are like minor nudges and release further energy and does not waste your own energy further. Then there is the "status quo" spell that is a constant reality alter and a part of your authority/energy field becomes a sort of "organ" like thought form that governs different aspects of reality and if you keep it running without being aware of the subtle changes and the energies it produce within your or in the environment... This is no omnious warning it's just you need to know why or how you are doing this. I am not telling you to become a busybody wageslave because people are usually the victims of their own success when they are unable to circulate their energies as their environment changes. But if it grants you the "freetime" you need to discover your magic then it might be beneficial. But if you feel guilt then it's an another matter altogether. So hard to be wise about these issues tbh.

>>1164 >but the CEO probably doesn’t deserve it it's your decision to see if "your spell" will result in the downfall of the company or similar negative consequences but the current economy is too unstable to tell what consequences it will cause. I cannot even write down my own energetic and economic "meddling" at all because holy fucking shit. money = power but only material power then political power vs economical power vs spiritual interests of higher entities... I don't even know where to start. My main problem was that whenever I needed my focus on other matters my energies changed gears and some of my spellforms temporarily became defunct until my focus returned. Not to mention while awakening my baseline energies changed so much my spellforms became faulty and defunct or almost like an energy block mechanism and once i was able to grant an energetic cleansing on my "territory" suddenly everything started to improve almost on it's "own". Seeing people being able to think and work without any "meddling" on my part was a wonder. "results" are one thing but nuance and efficiency is the footsteps of mastery. Was real annoying that whenever I did something a new problem revealed itself and it was like a constant chase. >I’m going to have to actually start working as business increases "Working" can grant opportunities for growth if it's fulfilling instead of making you into a miserable drone. It was long ago when I worked this leisurely like nowadays. I mean I still don't have weekends off but at least no nightshifts and constant emergencies arising thx to incompetence and mismanagement of resources. Currently work is almost grounding for me and a way I can iron out past karma from myself. >logo of this company is the two-headed face of Janus so maybe that’s a sign Sounds like that for sure. Figure out what that company truly means or represents for you. Especially if you manipulate your company with a spellform. Egregores and archetypes merge quite a lot. Discovering the hidden archetypal forces in egregores can grant power and guidance into matters unseen and unknown. Sometimes it is a minor coincidence or the work of Fate itself. >something like a ‘professional magician’ was a feasible career It is but... the "professional" starts when you are not bound by "money" or any mundane matters anymore. At that level you are an ordainer of Fate and you have your own path and autism. You will almost miss the "simplicity" of this mundaneness. >outside of doing something stupid being a phone psychic They are on the level of whores for hire... You don't want to debase yourself this much yet. People have the worst problems they bother "psychics" with. Like the current doge thread. I always notice that these "psychics" vanish within 3-5 years. Those who remain are even greater mysteries sometimes. They usually have real backing or purpose and it's not just a breadwinning necessity anymore. >wouldn’t working with air elementals a lot make you light instead of heavy? Yeah I just "found out" that I actually worked with the gravitational and electromagnetic forces instead of being an "air elemental" by myself. My body was like a mountain so air elementals didn't do "much" to counterbalance that earth surplus. No wonder I was called Atlas once while talking to a manifestation of Athena. My main method was about employing kinetic forces and the butterfly effects instead of invoking slyphs. >would it be accurate to say that each category of physical object and phenomenon has its own species of elemental spirit presiding over it? Sorta? But it's a system so once you have a connection to a being that governs a part of this system he can explain the way they operate and how you can command it. >Like flesh elementals, bone elementals, DNA elementals, metal elementals (elements of the periodic table?) Yes... The hardest part figuring out how those elements can evolve and what other elements they "feed on" like in Feng Shui. >I will try this in the next day or so, I’ll need to refine my intentions first. Good luck. I have to revisit my own workings further too. Might write about it later. >information you're transmitting is useful, thanks Always good to hear. Managed to reach a point where I have to rethink several things again and cannot describe things as aptly as I like. The kingdom of water and the great boundaries between the abyss and realms forgotten and untold. Not to mention finally being able to channel elasticity/felxibility and natural "Oceanic oneness" instead of this autistic mental network I used to keep my psyche taped together. I remembered yesterday in the long past some brown pill fringe poster said that the way in spirituality is to spam water meditation as much as possible... He wasn't exactly wrong.

>>1133 >my magic What I meant is that it has the ability to draw upon energies from all about the all, and as far as I can tell, it also draws upon the authority of the all itself. I got the idea after I read in an archived /fringe/ thread that some guy did some kinda ritual that involved applying his blood to a tree, and the ritual caused him to accidently transmigrate his soul into a woman. One of the replies said that he probably merged his energies into the earth, and therefore, his magic drew upon the energies of the earth, or something like that it's been a fucking while since I've read it. So I was once in a spiritually desperate situation and had an extremely sudden thought, presumably due to gnosis; why not just mentally project to the highest place I can possibly imagine and draw upon the environment there to cause my magic to draw energy from everything, and therefore at least effectively draw upon all authority to make it occur? Then I went there and found a ceiling with globs hanging from it. Under ideal circumstances, I can perform this kind of magic in under a second if my unconciousness actually helps out with the intentions; otherwise, it can take between several seconds and a few hours to do, depending on how much of a bitch my unconciousness feels like being at the time. That said, I really don't like doing magic myself when I do it on purpose, but at times, my intrusive thoughts will fire off my magic on its own to make it do really bad things, and then I have to contact someone to clean it up, or if they don't feel like it, then I might have to spend a long time attempting for a few hours or less(usually less) to wrangle my unconciousness into undoing what it did without making things get even worse instead. Anyway, when I successfully use my magic, it usually makes my throat energy center momentarily activate in some manner; this isn't intentional, but I'm pretty sure that it's caused by the magic extracting and/or reading my intentions from my throat. As for the blobs themselves, their nature appears to be to cause all the intentions that they're imbued with to come to pass. Well, rather, the blobs just insert the intentions into the ceiling, and then the ceiling causes the intentions to be performed. Sometimes I can cleanse a blob by just commanding it while charging it with my intentions to wipe all intentions from it, but I usually lack faith that it'll actually work that time, so it usually doesn't work. When that happens and it's important that I prevent the bad parts of the magic from firing, I give the blobs to one of my contacts, and he'll sometimes successfully prevent the magic from firing, such that I can let go of it without anything happening. If it doesn't work, it means I have to struggle with my unconciousness for an inordinately amount of time to get the situation fixed. I really don't have faith that I can just talk to the blobs and just ask them to do things for me. I guess I might try it later, but my doubt will probably just sabotage the attempt. Maybe if I wait until my unconciousness feels cooperative? Also, in case it matters, when I say unconciousness, I don't differentiate between subconciousness & unconciousness; I lumped their terminologies together a long, long time ago, and I haven't bothered differentiating between them since, but I suppose that I should at some point. >talk about my environmental energies I have a hard time being reliably communicated with by her, as with basically all spirits that attempt to speak to me, so I did introspection instead. Introspection is proving to be pretty effective, so I don't think I'll post anything here about the results since I'd rather not get too personal about it unless I'm desperate, which I'm not right now. Speaking of desperate, I was able to sleep the night when I wrote my previous post; go figure. I was definitely losing my marbles due to insomnia, though.

>>1177 Okay I think I've more likely figured out why my spine is made of living magma. For the past several years, I've been fighting intrusive thoughts almost every single day, some days fighting harder than others. This has caused me to struggle very hard over a long period of time to maintain the purity of my thoughts. I don't accept even the slightest bit of compromise in my thoughts, and I'm very paranoid about being compromised. This intrusive thought problem might've started several years ago when I read on 8/pol/ that ayy lmao document that I posted in the anomalous dreams thread, and a related document that I didn't save that was supposed to help with psychic self-defense against ayy lmaos in particular, but I don't remember the name of the latter or much of what it said. However, my memories of when this started is kinda hazy; my problem might've started a year or two before that, but it probably got substantially worse after that happened. Anyway, last night, I think I might've been getting attacked by a reptilian, but I'm not entirely sure; my memory about this is a bit hazy, but on Monday, I think asked Hermes to disconnect me from the entities in that document, and then my intrusive thoughts about reptilians suddenly just mostly went away and drastically reduced in strength. However, the night before last, the thoughts suddenly came back with great strength by strongly pushing two thoughtforms of reptilians upon my face, which it took alot of effort to get rid of. Before that, I swatted a fly upon my monitor, and then completely out of the blue, I felt the fly on my sacral chakra and it took a gigantic amount of effort over an hour or so to get rid of it, and none of my contacts would do it for me. I ended up having to magically violate the free wills of everything involved before it finally got removed from me, and I did not wanna resort to that. Last night, the attacker put compromising intentions between me and my ability to think about my contacts, such that if I asked my contacts to do anything at all, I'd involuntarily be asking some reptilian to do it instead, or at the same time. At some point, my heart was so exhausted from dealing with this shit that I was seriously considering not trying to fight it anymore, so I'd asked a contact for a transfusion of heart energy, which allowed me to keep going. This and other types of pressures continued into the night, and at some point, I received a fleeting vision of a reptilian saying "control your mind". I asked a contact to take my spirit gf somewhere safe, and then I felt a strong force attempting to drag my mind downwards, which I'd resisted. I tried killing the attacker, but I don't think my magic stopped it. I asked a contact for protection before I went to bed. Cautious pessimism tells me that it's gonna come back later. I'm pretty sure that other things are causing my self-sabotaging thoughts too, but I doubt that these other things are entities, but rather, are shadow work that I need to get done. Anyway, would you tell me if I was being attacked by my shadow, or by an actual entity? Cautious pessimism tells me that it was my shadow, but paranoia tells me otherwise.

>>1180 Apparently there was a widespread attack last night. Something similar happened to me as well ('a strong force attempting to drag my mind downwards' mirrors one of the attacks), and someone on Sunflower was reporting similar events. In any case, I would recommend that you stop trying to frame these events as 'fighting intrusive thoughts', since doing that is just a waste of energy. This sort of reminds me of the LOA style of magic where you just police your thoughts all the time to broadcast the desired effect. It’s very exhausting. I find it works far better to use your thoughts as a passive barometer and rely on energetically condensed willfully performed spells for the active effects. For your reptilian problem, spend some time developing good reliable astral combat techniques. When something hostile pops into your awareness, accept that it exists and address it in a straightforward way. “Denying its existence” can work but you typically need to do this through a single coherent magical act rather than continual thoughtstream monitoring. The fact that you work with gods is good. You can try asking them for weapon and defense designs to use in the astral, they’ll likely be very effective against your reptilians.

>>1175 >>1176 >scry to the piece of the soul that resonates the DNA >Share results. Well I believe what I saw here was the sort of karmic component you mentioned which binds me to my current body. It’s a bit complicated but I’m about 80% that my grandfather transferred his soul into me at some time during my childhood, perhaps to escape death. At this point my behavior began radically changing and my grandfather became a ‘soulless husk’, and my family has repeatedly stated that many of the behavioral changes manifested where idiosyncrasies that he had. I don’t know if he was a sorcerer but he was a part of multiple masonic clubs. I’ve had a few dreams that seemed to confirm this as well. So when I scried to this location, what I saw was a major event of his childhood: his family’s barn burning down, which is what killed his father. This transitioned to a freemason-esque ritual with people in masks, and then into events of my own childhood. This was a bit worrying because if my awareness does come from his soul and I’m just a warlock body snatcher who sacrificed his own kin then that’s a pretty heavy thing that’s going to be difficult to rectify. I decided I’d go ahead and just try to purge the thoughtform denoting his ‘soul’ from me, since the logical solution to ‘cheating death’ would be to ‘grant death’. So I did that, and immediately afterwards I had a sharp stabbing pain in my navel and both of my feet. I went to sleep soon afterwards, and had a dream where I was in the house he used to live in, and found some sort of secret backroom which contained a bizarre looking floating creature which I think had a TV monitor as a face. As I met this creature it ‘did something sinister’, and as I exited the backroom I saw that my grandfather had somehow reverted back to around 40-50 years of age before dropping dead, which I somehow recognized as being the “age where he cheated death”. This also happened to a large group of his side of the family as well who were in the house for some reason, all of them having reverted back to some earlier age before dying. Rather strange. But I scried to the same spot afterwards, and saw the image of a Transformer robot, which I am taking as a sign of success. So I guess now what’s left is to actually learn biokinesis. Decided to try and get rid of a small scar I have on my hand since that’s not pushing disbelief for me very much. I’m not that good at channeling but I decided to speak with my “skin’s spirit” to see what it needed, it directed me to the liver who stated that it needed more energy to make changes like that. Asked Janus for a device to supply ‘infinite energy channeled from the ether’, and it took shape as a metallic looking black orb with green lights on it. Inserted the image of the liver I was speaking with and immediately I was overcome by extreme mania and began speaking in tongues and writhing around for around 10 minutes before calming down. Not sure exactly what effect that had, but the scar’s still there so I guess I need something else. Or maybe it will just take a few days. Might have to experiment with manipulating the body’s denser energies manually rather than directing channeled spirits to do it, just to see if that has any greater effect. Or maybe I just need to refine my intention? The reason for healing a small scar is entirety to ‘ensure the methodology works’, so if that was the intention was transmitted to the body spirits I spoke with it could be a bit open-ended. Just need to try more things. >Yes... The hardest part figuring out how those elements can evolve and what other elements they "feed on" like in Feng Shui. Oooh. Rereading this just now made something click. I was treating the skin spirit as a separate entity from my skin, more like a custodian entity than the actual mind of the physical organ. That probably messed something up. Maybe “evolving the organ’s spirit”, or something like that would work better.

>>1186 >my grandfather transferred his soul into me at some time during my childhood, perhaps to escape death I haven't followed this discussion but happened to see this part. From what I know it's pretty easy to enter a body, but harder to kick out the incarnated owner. If this happened your grandfather simply moved to live with you in the same body. This will just sound way out there out of context, but I've been hinted at, nudged in the direction of understanding, by different entities during channelling where someone else was doing the channelling - that I'm a walk-in. I know my other souls are gone, because I kicked them out (and a bunch of other people's souls who were harming my environment, but that's a different story). Right now it's me an a black cat which was given to me to act as my assistant soul. I had one remaining assistant soul who left after some events 12 years ago this soul had previously belonged to the top nazi Eichmann, I kept seeing images of a hanged man before figuring this out, and there was a ghost who kept haunting me (him) from the baby he once shot to "prove himself" for some rich lady, I forgot the details of his story, during which I had a dream where I was super man but blind because superman takes off his glasses. The other soul was clear sighted but had a huge backpack (karma) and said to me, "that guy doesn't know anything" in reference to someone I was beating up, then "I can't go on, it's too heavy". I had other dreams like this after, during which I was alone and on a bus. Other people, class mates from school and others were all there and had large backpacks and extra sports bags. I only had a thin laptop in a case to carry. This was to indicate how my karmic bonds although present and perhaps more entangled and containing any number of things, like the HDD of a laptop, are still easy for me to carry. But anyway. I found your post interesting so I'll take a look. If I see something I may share it but I have no idea if you would believe whatever may come from it.

>>1186 >a bizarre looking floating creature which I think had a TV monitor as a face. As I met this creature it ‘did something sinister’ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p5EbceA76No

>>1182 Two months ago, I had a weightless smoky-emerald greatsword that was so fucking long that I couldn't see the other end of it. I had to modify it so that I could retract it. To my understanding, the greatsword was merely a representation of my power. Despite this, it was pretty fucking hard to properly wield that greatsword. Some time ago, the greatsword almost hit Saturn by accident, so right before it hit him, he turned it brown and made it wither away like a little plant; I don't work with him, and afaik He's not particularly mad at me about it. I kinda miss that greatsword. Shortly before that incident had happened, I'd manifested a dagger with a hilt of black non-solidified energies, but it was never quite as effective as the greatsword was at killing things. As time went on, the dagger had would manifest for me whenever I thought gung-ho thoughts, and then intrusive thoughts would immediately cause the dagger to attempt to attack something, and I had to stop it as fast as I could. Eventually, the dagger just stopped manifesting for me, which honestly is for the better. I'd also had problems with a few entities trying to disarm my greatsword & dagger, and now that the weapons don't really manifest anymore, I have more peace of mind. Anyway, it's probably for the better if I don't get a new weapon; it'd be better for me to learn a new offensive or defensive technique and just rely on willful magic to defend me. On a related note, I'd recently learned that I can stop some attacks by focusing my blood flow upon my heart; I realized an hour or less ago that doing so stops the attack by raising my vibrations above those of the attacker. Since quite some time before I started coming to /fringe/ 2 years agoit's been that long already?, I'd been able to focus my blood flow upon any desired area of my body by just asking my unconciousness to do it. I can also ask it to establish alternative blood flow to a specified area, such as a specified part of my brain.

>>1189 >hilt of black non-solidified energies Excuse me; that was the blade, not the hilt.

Ever since I started to "watermax" my fiery obsessive thoughts changed the way they operate not to mention I reconnected to some of my elements also. Like srsly. My water element contained the element of "war". I learned about the trident before it got connected to the gods and how we misunderstand what is "war" nowadays. Nowadays "war" means minor squabbles or real estate scams/money laundering but "back then" it was about true survival of the species and not mere "tribal skirmishes" like we were taught in history. I had a sort of memory with a feeling as we were on a boat and fought a large monster with longbows with harpoon sized arrows. It was like Charybdis but it wasn't that. With that I retained a mindset of the perfect war mentality. Nowadays "war" is not like that. You cannot have that mentality because you are killing "your own" and not actual monsters that do not belong in existence. >inb4 implying implication Yeah if they bother appearing as humans then they are not on the level of fuckhuge monsters that can rip you apart with a mere shriek and you need an absolute mental clarity so you and your mates can one shoot it's weakspot a moment before it kills you. With this awakened hypermindset and "true flow" I managed to destroy many beings that can be considered "natural inner demons" and "corrupted assistant souls"/parasites. It was weird. A parasite it seems I had for decades thinking that "it was me" screaming in pain and fleeing through my navel and slowly withering away. This water element is potent. Not to mention I managed to activate a sort of "mystical clarity" so I can "wash out" my darker desires. I am in such a weird stage of confusion and clarity. Not to mention after that parasite "left" I had that feeling of "If I close my eyes I will die" again. I usually have that at greater breakthroughs where my "Physical" understanding is not sure of the "next step" so I have to manually connect my intuitive senses and reach a conclusion so my energies can reform. I could hear and see many things within and without and I had to notice the pace it required. >>1186 >It’s a bit complicated It takes so much time to make things "simple" because most things are so karmicly entangled nowadays. >my grandfather transferred his soul into me at some time during my childhood Yeah... Member that ancestral karma thing I mentioned? You see everyone especially great powerful or peculiar people house sort of "Internal spirits" that are with the current understanding we have now can be called "assistant spirits/souls" of sorts. These spirits can be beneficial and harmful too. It depends how you house or use them and how you evolve them or with them. Your ancestors are "somewhat" obliged to "pass the torch". Great stories about great souls reincarnating usually go into "simple people" where they are "so empty" they can "House other (sometimes larger) souls". This topic is complicated and I am still figuring out what is what because to attain my own "soul aspects" I have to "kick out" shitty societal and ancestrally malaligned soulforms but the "hardest part" is to not "desync myself" in the process. I have to listen to the "voices" in my head and figure out their "origin". Like this mentality came from my grandpa this from my mother this was a sort of self realization but still incomplete or warped etc. This is why being a psychonaut is a necessity for "true magic". Because true magic starts merges and then gets acknowledged with(in) the "true psyche" and the true psyche must and will triumph over falsehoods but for that you have to feel the truth within and understand the nature of the falsehoods. It's no truth vs lie or good vs evil at that point because sometimes both choices are wrong and there is a hidden "true answer" or both choices are valid but still not perfected. Soulforms also can be like this. They can serve a purpose until you can "Let go of them" because you can live without them. Ofc they can be real parasitic sometimes because the "original environment" that "birthed them" changed. This is quite the problem with "Modern humans" that the environment drastically changed in the last 200 years while an ancestral spirit can range from 70-700 years of lifespan. >my grandfather became a ‘soulless husk' Yeah my family members also started to go "into that direction" but I kinda "put them to place" because they managed to amass such a familial karma they have to "work" on it and I hate to see people falling into the clutches of societal karma. It's quite different for me because I am a 2nd worlder and post communist bleakness is something few can understand. >my family has repeatedly stated that many of the behavioral changes manifested where idiosyncrasies that he had Yeah I had something similar. My great grandfather died suddenly with a heart attack during the funeral of his daughter (he literally shrugged off 3 heart attacks by not caring and drinking more when it happened but the funeral was too sad for him to shrug off) while my mother was 1 month pregnant with me. My family also told me how I share many characteristics with him with the way I walk and do some things. Ofc I am not an alcoholic because I have enough "stuff to do" so drinking the bleakness of the day away is not viable. My grandma told me she heard his voice for a while after he died. She realized that they forgot to put his "favorite work apron" into the coffin so grandma buried it into the grave fast then the voices stopped. Ever since I am continuing my awakening my family manages to "somehow" tell me these things. Ofc I had to do many karmic cleansing on them so they stop their karmic mental routines and whenever I manage to reach a breakthrough energetically SOMEHOW all my family members "upgrade" a level and fix problems in their lives that they didn't manage to fix for decades. Seeing these energetic connection corrections manifesting this easily is quite ridiculous. Punch some beings realize some karmic elemental alchemy let my emotions soar truly and other weirdness manifesting. There are so many veils of madness it's ridiculous. >his family’s barn burning down Even my great grandad had that. Damm I forgot if the horse died there or survived. Uncle just told the story last week. >transitioned to a freemason-esque ritual with people in masks At least you have the indigopill theme going on lol. Not sure what it means tbh. Freemasons are "mimicking" an old style of "gathering of gods" but they are so shit at that I need to attune myself more to know what it means. The problem with freemasons is that they are larpers first magicians second but mostly degenerates... I am saying this because this makes them hard to "follow" as you try to trace their founding and outsider forces that "help" them or enslave them. Also what I understand from the lodges is that they have so many levels that they can start from the ignorant "Hobby club" level till the most obscure weirdness that is quite unspeakable. I am mentioning this because these "lodges" house spirits. Quite the large amount. And they can latch onto others without them noticing. There is a reason why they are "masons" they need to build a temple within and without and even "empty rituals" can make an individual house them. But mere interaction with people can make you "switch souls". Bonding rituals and procedures are about switching souls with your partner then "giving it away" for the next generation because "you don't need it anymore" or you have so many you can spare a few.

>>1186 Oh and forgot to mention something. The transfer of these spirits are usually "event or energy bound" so the spirit needs to know that "it's time to move on". Like some parents are unable to give away their spirits because they either "lost" them or the descendant is not yet "ready" for it. This is also a problem with the genetic diversity humans are going through. You can have 2 or more spirits at once from the bloodlines or none. Ofc not all spirits are useful. Like there are "skill spirits" guardian spirits and weird ass avarice or other desire bound spirits that propel you to follow the "family creed" of sorts. This is why some traditions require you to cut ties with the family or tell you to not "go back" because once the old dormant spirits awaken and you are unable to stay as the new person your "ego" rips you apart. This is seriously a hard topic because the illusory nature of the self can get complicated as hell. Some people "find the light" once they get away from their family because their family is their true shadow. >since the logical solution to ‘cheating death’ would be to ‘grant death’ Yes btw. That is the way. Granting death granting the way to let go to break free to move on. Death means change in the tarot too. >bizarre looking floating creature which I think had a TV monitor as a face Ohkay this might be related? but some days ago as my water element gave me a way to flush out several of my meridians and gave a way to reconnect to my mental currents in a far gentle way I noticed that I am in a city and I noticed a tower with 3 TVs as a "head" and the TV turned on and a female looked at me. While writing this I realize that the TVs were angled like the 3 faces of the hindu deities the faces that can see the past present future at once. Damm. Whatever once noticing this I realized that the "female" is an anima force and this is the "media brainwashing channel" of the mind and with my Shaivist technomancy it way quite easy to "flush out" and as I did that I think that was when the weird being fled. I had a dream like I was in an radio show in the USA as an invisible ghost and 2 females were talking and one was saying how she had an "awakening" and they both were in some shady cult because the woman was talking how her awakening and glimpse made all the techniques they were teaching obsolete. She mentioned a "note" that contained the "enslaved spirits" that are bound to that note and anyone reading their name can summon them for whatever deed they require and how it is "meaningless" compared of some realization she had hard time putting into words. I am wondering just what this was about because the last days seems weird for others too. >found some sort of secret backroom Okay finally figured what that was. The masonic subconscious imprinting they have on the "citizens" as they have a "backroom" in the minds of most people and "Initiation" is about expanding that further in the minds of the members. I mean yes that is what being a psychonaut is finding how your internal dimensions work but I am not even sure what they are doing anymore. This is why "meaning" is important you can do the most benevolent and the most sinister things with the same methods not to mention once someone sees your "tricks" it's quite easy to exploit it further. This is why it's important to go beyond "mere tricks" and work via true and incorruptible principles as much as you can. >saw the image of a Transformer robot, which I am taking as a sign of success Metal >small scar I have on my hand Scars usually "healed" already. They just need minor mending but the underlying truth is that you have to reconnect the "true circulation" of sorts. I realized a sort of "pain healing" some weeks ago. I found an energy current that makes me feel the pain 3 times as much and as my senses are being overwhelmed by pain I notice the "true energy" within the body and I let that energy overtake the faulty bodypart. Not to mention found sort of "viral meridians" that are "not much" magically but they contain or "imprison" "disease energies" and they need to be manually cleansed by sort of letting the "imprisoned energies" "ascend" out of their wretched form. Biokinesis is real nuanced desuyo. The body is an amazing masterwork and let's say most humans are not really using it as "intended" since the golden age ended many kalpas ago. >directed me to the liver Yeah for the greeks and romans that was the "main organ" that is the container of life energy and other magical importance. I should explore that thing further too. >I was overcome by extreme mania and began speaking in tongues and writhing around for around 10 minutes Hahaha. iktf. Except for me I need an extremely clear mind to do that and be sure to "not have doubts" and "follow the process". My own mania is something else. Not always good for "specialist magic". >but the scar’s still there so I guess I need something else Don't think a "surface issue" is "Only at the surface" then ignore the underlying mechanisms. "scars" heal asap if the circulation is good. Diverting main vital energies to "heal a scar" is retarded so to "fix" that they are incresing your generation of the vital force so it's abundant enough to heal minor things like a scar. The "trick" in biomancy is that you notice your own vital forces figure out what creates grants or enhances it and fix improve those systems until you feel like a living god then "upgrade" yourself then continue deepening the understanding. I cannot even describe how I am feeling since finding my water. >maybe it will just take a few days Maybe. You need quite the energy flow to "Instaheal" things. Not to mention if it's not "through" it vanishes for a day then comes back even worse the next day and you have to go through an even longer healing method. The "problem" with "Biomancy" that once you get really "far" in magic you realize the illusory nature of reality itself and you are not sure if you "healed" the "flesh" or merely "switched" the illusion. This is why being "through" is important. But you have a working relation with Janus now. I think that is the real improvement here. We can get a new angle of magic from you. >I was treating the skin spirit as a separate entity from my skin wtf dude. also your "skin" is just the "surface" of your body. The internal developments are the crux. Everything else are the "aftereffects" of your internal health manifesting thoroughly. Whatever what you want to "do" is to literally "talk" to the body and see if there is some "energy" there and ask it to "show you the way" (which you managed to do). My body moves on it's own so I can unfuck energy clogs and other weirdness when I am doing that. I am "dancing with myself" of sorts. >than the actual mind of the physical organ Yeah there are organ souls it was mentioned sometimes in sunflower and yes they "think" but in their "own way" >“evolving the organ’s spirit” You improve the energies and as the energies improve and your psyche stabilizes you can mentally connect to them. While your bodyparts are "distinct" from you from your psyche they and (You) are still one. If you lose your organ you die or get extremely ill as a result. If it has effect upon you then it is (part of) You. You have to understand the relation of you and your body. Mind body soul. >something like that would work better I expect several paradigm shifts from you in the coming days especially if you have working relationship with Janus in a way you can be granted cosmic devices so I will stop my already longpost here. Biomancy is tricky and I too require to level up my own understanding. Especially this old "Liver oriented" one. I didn't delve into the mysteries of the liver yet. Maybe it's time for that.

>>1189 >greatsword was merely a representation of my power I would say it's your potential. >I kinda miss that greatsword You can resummon it whenever but it is just a representative of your power >>1180 > Anyway, would you tell me if I was being attacked by my shadow, or by an actual entity? Several days ago I looked at your energies and you had your inner pure energies and a weird blob of shadow enveloping your aura and they were trying to reach a equilibrium. For some reason you get "stressed" and when that happens you get less sure of your magic far less hold upon your psyche and somewhat attack yourself. It' doesn't matter if it's your "shadow" or a "different entity" because you are randomly connecting to places entities and energies when you "panic" and your self inflicted shadow attacks can also pull in weirdness. Whatever my advice is to cleanse cleanse cleanse your environment as much as you can. You will notice the origin of those problems slowly and you can figure out a working system. You stress about intrusive thoughts too much. >>1177 >I was definitely losing my marbles due to insomnia Yeah try to fix that. Sleep is important for the psyche >Introspection is proving to be pretty effective Use it as much as you can >when I say unconciousness, I don't differentiate between subconciousness & unconciousness; I lumped their terminologies together a long, long time ago, and I haven't bothered differentiating between them There will be a point where you will understand that "everything lives/thinks" but currently you need to realize that "subconscious" are parts of you conscious that you have to fix cleanse and mend while "Unconscious things" cannot "Hurt you". Like a knife cannot hurt you only if a conscious being does something with it. Yes you can step on a knife "by accident" but that will be also your conscious "decision" which will come from the fact that your subconscious didn't warn you in time. Try to be conscious of your subconscious and everything that you consider "unconscious". They are not the "source" of your intrusive thoughts. They are channels and patterns there that "let them pass through". Healthy subconscious filters these things out by default so you can focus and you can expand your awareness to see the distracting things at will. Or you can "turn off" the parts of your subconscious that "senses" these thoughts and achieve a completely empty mind. >Introspection is proving to be pretty effective Do it as much as you can. And don't forget every "attack" is a chance for growth. Grab the moment when your enemy presents it to you. Not to mention you have to solve your own issues so foreign entities cannot exploit it nor they will hamper you further. The psyche of the mundanes are whack nowadays. You have to learn to cleanse your own environment and those places you frequent because letting this madness continue are having adverse effects already. It's important to overcome the issues no matter what direction they come from. Also it seems like you are on a good path you need to meditate upon your own power and way of doing things a little more. Oh and learn to handle your own panic better. Find your inner calmness your focus zone while meditating so you can shift into whenever problems arise. And one more thing. You cannot "offend" higher and wiser beings "that easily". You need clear intent for that. They consider you as a "mere child" so most punishments will be like lectures and not a declaration of war. Don't be scared of mistakes. We all do mistakes especially at the beginning. Mistakes into miracles as they say. Walk the path and solve your ADHD way of magic somehow.

>>1192 >You need quite the energy flow to "Instaheal" things. Relevant to this. I recently encountered an issue where after transferring a large amount of a more finer-density energy to a spirit-form, I felt “dead”. Zero mental energy essentially. I was able to “recharge” by manually evoking some energy into myself but I felt that reaching this limit so easily after an energy transfer represented a weakness. The thing in my liver didn’t seem to have circulation to whatever it was that got drained. It also reminded me of how in the past I’d also get this “dead” feeling after spending too much time practicing telekinesis. I channeled a new energetic organ from Janus to rectify this, and it took the form of what appears to be a black hole or orb with light shining out from it. Like the image of a solar eclipse. Anyway. I was doing some energy body cultivation, going through and altering the various energetic centers to act as avatars for the godform for better evocation. Just channeling that force into the body locations to make the relevant changes. What surprised me was when I got to my heart area a large arm appeared and literally ripped my heart out of my chest, holding it up in front of me before taking it away. I checked and the function of the heart it took seems to have been replaced by that same eclipse-sun energy source that I obtained earlier. It seems to be working quite well so I have no complaints. Another curious thing about that cultivation operation, the Janus divine force did not change my navel energy center at all regardless of how forcefully I evoked it. Every other energy center had a very noticeable alteration. Speaking of the navel. It reminded me of an event that happened a few years ago, when I was doing a lot of practice with telekinesis. I was watching E.T., during the scene where E.T. is levitating objects around the room, and on a whim I decided to try and move a small hollow plastic cube that was lying on the floor. To my surprise I actually managed to do it, it moved a full inch across the floor in a way that was unmistakable as anything other than telekinesis. Immediately before it moved I felt a very strong energetic sensation of ‘something’ rushing out of my body from my abdomen/navel area towards the cube. So this all makes me think that perhaps the frequency of energy that interfaces most easily with physical matter is stored in this particular location. Creating a stronger circulatory system between it and external reality may help in manifesting kinetic phenomena. >The internal developments are the crux. Everything else are the "aftereffects" of your internal health manifesting thoroughly. >once you get really "far" in magic you realize the illusory nature of reality itself and you are not sure if you "healed" the "flesh" or merely "switched" the illusion. Right. I find that I keep needing to go back to revisit my intentions with these kinetic magic workings. The intention for an operation like this is to ‘confirm that it works’, or more accurately that the methodology works. But that’s not a good statement of intention, because I’ve already confirmed that kinetic magic ‘works’ with the plastic cube TK thing and I’ve already confirmed that magic itself ‘works’ via my years of practice. So to answer this I need to stop and think about what exactly my vision of a perfect success on this front would actually look like. Superpowers? What does that mean? Ability to do things? I can already do things. Some form of ‘life-pattern change’? Which brings me to something else. I have a suspicious that there’s some sort of seal or imposed limiter which is preventing the type of phenomena I’m wanting to bring about. I’m perfectly capable of doing magic that does big things, and magic that shows its effect quickly, so the issue isn’t that I’m ‘too weak’ or ‘need more power’. It’s more like there’s some sort of plausible deniability attached to the results of the spell. Such that the success of the spell doesn’t… ‘break the mold’ of my daily life? I believe it’s a sort of protective dissociation. Looking at it energetically it’s as though my local reality is a sort of bubble floating in the void and it’s connected by a wire to the rest of the universe. Insulated by distance. The effect of this is that the ‘outer reality’ manifests as a sort of thing that you project a small piece of yourself into rather than something that you live in. Which is very good for safety, since it’s incredibly easy to just retract back on your safety line if something bad happens, but it’s difficult to engage in a ‘meaningful discourse with reality’ like this. So I think what I need to do is somehow plant my ‘sphere of influence’ on the ground. And open its doors. >>1191 >"watermax" Yeah I still need to get around with working with elements. Back years ago when I was just starting whenever I invoked water it would make me intensely depressed and suicidal, might have to do a bit of experimenting with that. I keep hearing that elemental energy is the key to kinetics so looking into this will probably be useful. Need to find some way to leverage the ‘divine mana’ I can evoke into something more directly applicable to elemental energy or spirits though. A few days ago I did encounter what I think was an elemental spirit. See attached pic. He looked very strange, like his head was made out of a chocolate cookie. He sort of just flashed into my awareness, with a surprised look like we accidentally bumped into each other. Asked who he was and he replied with something along the lines of “the caretaker of these lands”. Asked him about how things were going and he was upset about some form of pollution – runoff I think. I channeled and condensed some divine mana into the form of a diamond and gave it to him, which seemed to make him pretty happy and he said it would help. Most every spirit I’ve encountered seems to be very glad to receive these divinely manifested gems (I don’t intentionally make them gems, that’s just the form it takes when I condense the energy), I’m not sure if it’s because they have a practical use or if it’s just because they’re pretty. The only exception is servitors that I’ve created myself, for them the energy simply doesn’t condense properly. Channeling the energy directly into them instead seems to suffice.

>>1194 >your heart is gone and its function seems to have been replaced You really still have compassion and humility? Also, I will say that I read somewhere that some believe that the higher self resides in the heart. Is Janus willing to let you keep your heart around, even if it isn't attached to your body anymore?

>>1197 Forgot my flag.

>>1197 >You really still have compassion and humility? Well I didn't have much of that to begin with but I think so. I haven't seen any negative side effects so far. Biggest thing is that it's much easier to evoke energy into myself to 'recharge', and much more difficult to run out. >I will say that I read somewhere that some believe that the higher self resides in the heart. After I felt how easily my nucleus got annihilated, I can’t trust any temporal object as a core anymore. Not as a ‘higher self’ anyway. Of course some nucleus is necessary for personal coherence but I can’t trust it to serve as a tether during death. So just a core for this particular incarnation, rather than for "my self". The closest thing I think I have to a ‘higher self’ is the invisible point of undifferentiated awareness that exists ‘behind the eyes of my spirit’. >willing to let you keep your heart around, even if it isn't attached to your body anymore? It wasn’t destroyed, but it felt a bit like a sacrifice.

>>1194 Thanks to my several elemental breakthroughs thoughts are flowing differently but I try my best wording some answers. The TLDR is that you are finally asking the proper questions and I am pretty sure you will somewhat figure out the answers yourself and some mysteries you just described also happened to me b4 but they have a serious depth in meaning and function so I am not sure I can fully answer them. Now that I am able to work with the "Internal elements" and I am not just saying the "mental elements" that grant psychological effects or the material elements but the very elements of life and now I am seeing how overtuned some parts of my body is... Like srsly. I am not "increasing my power" currently but figuring out which parts of myself are in "overdive" and tone them down so the other parts that are overwhelmed can get a breather and "find their place/pace" of sorts. >I felt “dead” Explore that feeling and what emotions instincts it evokes from you. Is it a sort of "tiredness" or hopelessness? Do you want to lie down? Do you feel empty? Do you have a fear of imminent death or the calm silence of "death" or it is like a mere silence between heartbeats or thoughts. >Zero mental energy essentially Yeah when I have that I go to sleep or find something that makes me "awake" by making myself angry or do some other activity that facilitates circulation while if I understand correctly you are describing a "mental blankness" of sorts. >energy transfer represented a weakness It sorta is because you need to reach an "absolute circulation" which means no matter what or how you cast you "never lose mana". Mana is a weird concept. In most games mana is different from health. In reality you can have it "different" but in truth they are sort of "one". Warlocks and other "evil classes" can transmute life into mana and priest can transmute mana into health and other weirdness but what I am trying to say is that there are "several mana pockets" in the body and it is not wise to "empty" them for retarded reasons because there are several problems. Recharging is easy if you know how to do it but it's important to never "contaminate it" not to mention sometimes internal energies are like "still water" or a small pond of water. As long as you "drain" the upper part of the "clean water" it's easy to "drink" but once you reach the "bottom" or stir it up it gets "muddy" and quickening the circulation might ruin internal balance. Truth is I thought I have a quite good grasp how this works but now that I am working and seeing my own internal energies with the "elemental lenses"... paradigm shifts are never simple. >The thing in my liver didn’t seem to have circulation to whatever it was that got drained I have a hunch that you are gonna get "Upgraded" with some higher energy and the liver is a sort of "detox" organ so having potent but still not "godly" energies there might be quite normal. I should get to that organ sooner or later I think but it's not really my focus currently. >this “dead” feeling after spending too much time practicing telekinesis Yeah I am starting to understand what you mean by "dead" now. Truth is the "thoughts" are also chemicals in the brain/mind. I realized how I can purify my own thoughts so I can "receive" divine guidance/concepts and the kind because the problem is with most entities that they "reside" on other densities so they have hard time "breaking the mold" so they can transmit higher ideas. So if I build the bridge by myself they are happy to "help" otherwise you need to do extremely specific rituals so you can "rectify" their influence via mundane means. The problem with this ofc is that I realized the reason why all mystics stayed the fuck away from mundanes and retards because as much it sounds to be a "high life" your mind has cocktails that can ignite a sun and transmit information beyond existence and dealing with mundane retardation requires a higher patience. I didn't have problem with this before because I had a sort of "dominant emotion" that I picked out and told my body to "follow it" but now that I am connecting with my "water" I am feeling several emotions at once because I decided some months ago to "Unlock" the ability where I can see the past present future as a "singular thing" and until I kept it merely "mental" it was peachy but now that I am feeling all the emotions of my past personas that I ignored so far? urrrrgh I am learning "stillness" again and how internal elementals can and got corrupted. I am getting to the earth elemental and imagine cleaning a brickhouse with a tsunami... I am trying to learn the stillness of water and earth so they "enhance" each other instead of this pure destruction that I internalized as a "defensive mechanism". >what appears to be a black hole or orb with light shining out from it There are several organs like that and seems like it purifies energy from "raw matter". Janus sees light and darkness in his own way so I might be unable to explain his "nuance". >act as avatars for the godform Godform for Janus? >I got to my heart area a large arm appeared and literally ripped my heart out of my chest, holding it up in front of me before taking it away Okay I had this also happening to me 2 years ago. A mummy appeared and tried to "steal" my heart. I punched him down by reflex and as a response he backed off and started to observe me from a distance and I noticed he is bereft of hostility and is "merely waiting". As I looked at him I realized that he is "trying to help" but he is unable to communicate. So I let him take my heart and higher entities appeared and helped me install 3 large energy circuits into my chest. They were like 3 bright golden circles. The first one connected to my heart and circulated the energy with every heartbeat while the other 2 was supposed to go to my "other hearts" as they said. Was wondering what could be the "other hearts" then realized they meant the lungs because they are also "circulatory organs" and that circulates the energies with every breath. With that I had a circulation that took me to refill me with energy under 3 sec that took a day or 2 before. They told me "that is still slow" because the goal is to have an energy circulation so fast and uninterrupted so I have "Infinite energy". That was the "base requirement" because only "infinite energy can work with infinite energy" of sorts. Then weeks later I realized that the mummy put the heart into jars that you use in mummification and realized he is "supposed" to "give back the heart" after it's "purified". He showed me the "etheric heart" and that made me understand that Egyptian scale with the feather judgement because "true hearts" that are ready to "ascend" are truly weightless. A ghost weights less than a feather no matter what only "sinners" are bound to earth and the underworld. I asked him how to "put in" that heart and because he was unable to speak he signaled to put it into my mouth and "eat it" and that made it go into where it should. Ofc since that my energy centers went through several changes but yes that also happened to me. Every body layer has a "heart" of sorts and not all of them are in a proper shape. If your ancestors weren't high magicians in both bloodlines then there is a chance you have to "Upgrade" your heart to retain your own mastery first. >did not change my navel energy center at all Yeah that part is not simple. The solar plexus is too potent or too disgusting for some forces because that is your "Internal fireplace". Once you reach a energetic purity you can house divine beings in your solar plexus and artifacts that grant you great power but you need to prepare for that. You will have to find your internal "bejeweled city" your "throne" that your "soul sits atop". Until that it's unwise to mess with that part of a person. There are extremely weird desire bound forces there. Some of them are vital as long you live and cannot

Oi it said I was only at 7990 characters... >>1200 >and cannot transcend it. >>1194 >something’ rushing out of my body from my abdomen/navel area towards the cube. Yeah that is the main powerstorage. This is why some cultivators cultivate a golden ball there until it reaches a "melting point" and awakens them. It's about internalizing the outsider energies of the environment and purifying it to the max. Takes quite the time and dedication. >was watching E.T., during the scene Yes and you had a "sense of wonder" or some other intuitive connection where you didn't even "question" if you could do it just merely "did it". Like how yoda said to not "try" "do or do not". As long as you "try" you are "accepting" that "failure is possible" and with these mental works "failure" is only within the mind and as long as you acknowledge it then it will manifest as failure. And sometimes failing at some things is better than being a reckless overzealous madman. Attaining wisdom is an another quest on the path because wisdom tempers power in a way it can turn into real power instead of a "mere party trick". >Creating a stronger circulatory system between it and external reality Yeah but for that you have to understand how energy exists "externally". The lowest understanding is "looshfarming" how sexual energy turns into "power" then there is the "crude" elemental power that comes from outsider energies but that requires a higher understanding of elemental forces and a connection with the elemental realms... Then you have the "demonic" which is understanding the "power of Hell" and the "lower forces of reality". How to create maintain your own "hellfire" to purify "sinners" and "get rewarded" for that. Now that is the way towards damnation because you will not why "God created Hell" until you go to hell. Like you can go to prison as a visitor on a class trip and not just as a criminal but that doesn't mean it will be much nicer. And if you think the shit that demons do is horrific already you have no idea what angels do and even more clueless about the retardation humans and other forces "try" to do to "imitate their ways". The more I learn the more I understand why great sages mostly prefer to stay alone in the mountains and only tell as much as they need and not a word more. Conveying these things with words gets harder and harder. Buddhists say that "saving everyone is paramount" but even they have that "find the company of wise men and leave the ignorant behind" as a necessity or you just cannot get ahead in the early stages. >‘confirm that it works’ You are a magician. Everything works if you "want it to work" and if it does not work no matter what you know where to look for answers. This is what I realized in my early psychic years. Once I house an ounce of doubt it fails but if my conviction is beyond certain then it either works or my intuition boots up and I channel a working method "out of nowhere". >I can already do things. Some form of ‘life-pattern change’? Yeah you are asking the good questions now. What I am sensing that you are looking for an "achievement" like a diploma or something that "confirms" that you are a "magician" of sorts. You are bothered how unreliable is your level now and want to go beyond that. I share this feeling because I too looked for the "undeniable truth" that cannot be shaken or moved because it is the very truth that shapes existence itself but... while facing that infinite madness I had to realize my very own "undeniable truths" that I denied for decades need to work because it gives me a shaky foundation and if I am "Unable to solve these meager problems" then I am anything but "ready" for the "undeniable truths". Might write about those later but I have to untangle some personal issues first. >sort of seal or imposed limiter which is preventing the type of phenomena I’m wanting to bring about Yeah the psyche has several. There are many "realizations" that grant an energy signature that signals that you are "ready to wield power". Every method that grants power by lowly means leads towards the worst hells. I am seeing it more and more as I go forward. Make sure you are guided by wisdom no matter where you are and what you want to do. You can be foolish we are all fools after all but never forget wisdom. Wisdom is one of the first visible manifestation of God. >‘break the mold’ of my daily life? Yeah but I am sure you prefer this "mold" instead of going to the psychward. >protective dissociation It definitely is. I found my "other mind" that "approves" magic. Well... turn out I have "dumbass minds" that constantly cast magic "out of boredom" and as I stared at an object randomly that I used to practice my own TK it started doing it "as a habit" and I personally had to tell it to STOP WASTING ENERGY. Being able to switch between these minds takes practice and ultimately you need to unify them or break the illusion of separation. Now the "rules" I operated my body and mind changed a little and I have to get used to it. Awareness is the key. Never forget that. >‘outer reality’ manifests as a sort of thing that you project a small piece of yourself into rather than something that you live in What an interesting perception. What you said it's true but I never thought about it this way. For me "Reality is what you make of it" was always and whenever I was "disconnected" was because I turned on the autopilot mode of my body so I can daydream in my personal mindspace while being still productive. I always considered myself part of reality and for me dissociation from this mundane banality was more important. This is what I am solving now. True circulation means I am one with my surroundings and "move with it". The microcosm and the macrocosm sees understands and connects like they are one and the same. Not always easy because the internal and the outer horrors of the self needs to be recognized first so the wonders can manifest unabated. >safety line if something bad happens Yeah the fear of failure is a great hurdle. I liked how in the Doctor Strange movie the master said that was the main problem of Strange. He was "perfect" and his perfectionism came from the fact that he feared to fail. If you fear to fail then you fear to learn. You fear to become the fool that walks the path and will never transcend your "perfect" false ego. >‘meaningful discourse with reality’ Heh. For some reason this sentence makes me smile. >plant my ‘sphere of influence’ on the ground I think you just have to "recognize it" then "deepen it". But yeah that is how planting manifests. You put it into the "ground" then the roots go deeper on their own and the plant grows higher if the proper nutrients are there. >And open its doors Yeah. Find the connection points.

>elemental energy is the key to kinetics And into every "instant result" magic but it is as dangerous as throwing hot iron with your bare hands and feeding sharks while being nude. You have to know what you are doing there and realize a sort of "elemental intuition". Or work with extremely strict and specific rituals but I am not expert on that. But what you will require first is the "elemental health" of the body and the manifestation of the "true psyche". >leverage the ‘divine mana’ Find out where does it come from and how it replenishes and it's "true worth". I am sure you don't want to levitate a car in a way it takes off 20 years from your lifespan. I am "bad" doing this currency thing with spirits. >directly applicable to elemental energy or spirits though You can learn to invoke evolve and guide those energies once your foundation is strong enough. It's really like "playing around" with spirits and not "transactional" on higher levels but see what works for you. I realized long ago that I dislike this "spirit materialism" because I fear that the blight of mundane materialism will infect the spirit world this way. Found out it stems from a past life experience where I seen the spirit world and the human world corrupting each other. I am not saying don't do it it's just I cannot give true advice in this way of operating with spirits. I have mountain of resources but the "real trick" is to find out what "makes the spirits move". Sometimes tickling them and saying "pretty please" can grant them better energies than a mountain of gold. Sometimes ofc... Sometimes I am invoking entire elemental realms into existence and other weirdness. Makes me realize that I should take my practice more seriously because my "Physical mind" has no idea what I am doing anymore. Pure intuition and passion can get crazy. Like sitting down in a bar drinking a beer and suddenly waking up the next morning in a room filled with drugs guns and whores marked with specific tattoos. Untangling the mechanism and the consequences of those "results" can take a while. >upset about some form of pollution Ask him what and where and maybe you can help him blow it away or something. >they have a practical use or if it’s just because they’re pretty Both >exception is servitors that I’ve created myself Yeah they are usually merely parts of your mind so loading it into them is more easy. No need to treat "true servitors" as actual beings. Ofc the complexity of servitors can vary this is why I kinda dislike this blanket term nowadays. A servitor can be like a minor cleansing or memory unit or the very aspects of reality itself. >>1197 >some believe that the higher self resides in the heart Somewhat but it's more akin to the "incorruptible parts of you". The heart clenches and closes if it gets into danger to shield itself. The heart has a mind of it's own so does the stomach and the genitals. But the heart is real complicated. >Janus willing to let you keep your heart around He will guide his heart. His heart is "not at the right place". He didn't find his "calling" his "passion" and that is the one thing he requires the most. >it isn't attached to your body anymore We sorta misunderstand what "attachment" means currently. He didn't "lose" his heart. When you lose "compassion" you don't lose your heart but close it and it closes "fully" you somewhat lose your "humanity". But this is a real hard topic understanding what is "humanity" because we managed to forget what "kindness" means nowadays. Humility can get even weirder. >>1199 >Well I didn't have much of that to begin with Your levels are normal don't worry. >I can’t trust any temporal object as a core anymore Yeah it will stay that way for a while. Then one day you will start to drift off and as you try to "hang onto" anything "solid" you will notice things that "make you" (You). But that is a personal discovery finding something that was "always there" of sorts. >invisible point of undifferentiated awareness that exists ‘behind the eyes of my spirit’. Yupp. Took me quite long to get in touch with that. I am still bad managing it. This managed to get quite long again. Tempering my creative forces takes more effort it seems.

>>1202 I made some kinda breakthrough today; I read the "other minds" bit that you posted earlier, and I supposed that my mind is largely controlled by a bunch of thoughtforms of my own making that I use to automate my mental processes so that my consciousness can do things with less effort. So today, I decided asking my "other minds" to do things for me, and they did them; they didn't do them with quite the proficiency as if I'd asked a deity to do it, but they did it with quite alotta proficiency. Like you saidor something like that, magic "just works", and if you stick any doubt in there, then that's gonna fuck the magic up. Today, I did some things with it, but I'd really love to get used to doing this stuff before I make alot more use of it; I like to get away from the stress of everyday life after work by just sitting down and playing vidya, which generally calms my nerves. If I manage to relapse a bit because I'm not exercising this new power right now, then I'm confident that I'll have it tomorrow. Also, I tried commanding my "other minds" to rip a small and a large white gem of "divine mana" outta the akasha for you as thanks; did you receive them? If so, then perhaps only your subconciousness was at all aware of it. If not, then it's not so bad to fail sometimes, and I can just try later with my more deliberate magic when I feel more comfortable with it. Speaking of which, I actually couldn't find so many things today that I was willing to afford to fail at; I had to be really careful with my intentions today since alotta them were involuntarily associated with a loss of free will, or at least a signing away of some sort of authority over myself. I'd ultimately not given into any of those, but I did find at least one thing that I could afford to fail at, and something else... which are rather personal and embarrassing, but I'm working on them and I think I'm making some kinda progress with them; I'm sure I'll get over them, and I'll learn something from it by the time I do about my mental processes. I also asked my "other minds" to stop subverting my intentions; they did stop for a while, but later after I got home from work, it started up again. I still need to figure out how to cleanse my environment at home; perhaps came from that, but I'm not asking if it did.

>>1200 >Godform for Janus? Yes, thaumaturgic physiology. >The solar plexus is too potent or too disgusting for some forces because that is your "Internal fireplace". I did manage to do something to it yesterday such that my intestines were “purified” so that they appeared white. Don’t know exactly what that means. I’ve been losing a lot of weight recently from dieting and fasting so it might be related to that. >internal "bejeweled city" I feel this is probably important, reworking that aspect of desire into something more stable and powerful. >>1201 >you are looking for an "achievement" like a diploma or something that "confirms" that you are a "magician" of sorts. That’s exactly right, I keep having the notion that in order to “graduate” from an adept to a magus I need to be able to reliably create some form of supernatural phenomena. >>1202 >You can learn to invoke evolve and guide those energies once your foundation is strong enough. The issue I ran into was that I wasn’t really sure what exactly to ask elementals after summoning. I believe the best way forward from here is to establish a general “working relationship” with them rather than summoning them individually for specific tasks. I have a hypothesis that perhaps spellforms work by acting as ‘signposts’ for spirits to take direction from. Therefore if elemental spirits are more inclined to work me then maybe my spells will by consequence have a more ‘elemental’ effect since those particular spirits are more likely to be take direction from them. I think I might need to go back to IIH and work through the basic elemental exercises again but with a ‘spirit backing’ this time. >I am able to work with the "Internal elements" and I am not just saying the "mental elements" that grant psychological effects or the material elements but the very elements of life Yeah I need to do more work to be able to differentiate these different ‘frequencies’ of elements. Right now when I do a fire invocation most of the effects are that they make my mental state ‘fiery’, but I can feel my body physically heat up sometimes. Probably just something that comes with practice. >I am "bad" doing this currency thing with spirits. I always like contracts better than favors because they were less open ended. But I found it was best to move away from that because the ‘obligation’ of the result can be troublesome. Especially since spirits see events differently than humans. So if you pay a demon to bring you some money and he brings you an ‘item of value’ instead you get a feeling of contract violation even though from the demon’s point of view the two results are the same. Nowadays I view payment more akin to how bribes in the game Morrowind work, where they just increase the other person’s ‘favorability’ so they’ll be more willing to cooperate with you. Like ‘paying tribute’.

>>1216 >my mind is largely controlled by a bunch of thoughtforms of my own making Most people are like that but the "own making" is the tricky part. Most of these "mental routines" are usually the result of environmental and genetic stimulus which means you didn't "create it by your own free will" but as a response to outsider influences. As you move forward on the path it's important to realize what creative forces come from "within" or by your "true will" and what are mere "corrupting influences" of sorts. This is why ego mastery is a key. Some influences are a hurdle especially once you try to reach higher state of consciousness while some are necessary grounding forces. Introspection and contemplation is the key here. >they didn't do them with quite the proficiency as if I'd asked a deity to do it Yeah deities usually overtake or feed their influence to some part of your mind that you are "Not using" and with that "you do the work" while they give the "way" of sorts. If you can do it with a help of a higher being you can do it on your own once you figure out the underlying energies and the truth/methodology that granted you that skill. Not to mention noticing the illusory nature of the "self" and how you constantly switch between these mindstate without realizing. While talking to different people you are in different mindstate while at work while trying to sleep while eating etc. all different parts of (You). Real nuanced tho. If I have a wrong thought while applying a yoga movement I always pull something. >magic "just works", and if you stick any doubt in there, then that's gonna fuck the magic up Yeah that was the first lesson I had to understand while experimenting with my own psychic powers as a teen. >did you receive them? Yeah I have a sort of "mailbox" system. A fairy bought it on a silver plate after asking if something came "from your direction". I have several automatic forms that operate my vicinity. They only pull my "full consciousness" in if there is something really really weird going on. I switch my mind for meditation for spirit work and I have several mindstates while using the pooter. I have to signal when I am ready to work with spirits and able and willing to receive outsider influences. Analyzed the crystal's origin and it seems it comes from a sort of "grandma force". You have an entity watching over you that I could best describe as a "grandma". Forms of divinity is something I research and was wondering which kind you sent. Thx btw. I will treasure it. But the best reward I desire is for you to continue your awakening and increase the proper wizard population of fringe. Was wondering if I should give you further pointers but it seems this grandma force will take care of you. >which are rather personal and embarrassing Yeah what you wrote is really vague. But yes the most important lesson on the path is to learn to solve your own problems as much as you can. They are either too trivial and don't require help or too complex and very few can help with it... but then again I had to learn a lesson about asking for help when I need it and don't try to fix everything on my own especially when others are more than willing to help... so yeah. It's important to know our own ways. >still need to figure out how to cleanse my environment Definitely. The most important thing on the path is cleansing your environment your mind and any other activity you consider (You)rs. >them were involuntarily associated with a loss of free will Yeah this is trick and learn to understand what is "free will" and "true will". The clear distinction might be that "free will" allows a sort of doubt and failure and can be easily influenced. Hard to explain because there are no clear lines in the sand describing what is what. Like explaining what is "freedom" is hard. But currently what you describe as "free will" is to have the ability to "retain control" or "not lose yourself" in the process. Understanding the true depth of "free" and "will" takes time. Could write essays about this but this is something you have to discover for yourself. Even I know I am not aware of the true depth of this issue yet.

>>1219 >Yes, thaumaturgic physiology. The reason I asked because "the nature of God" is kinda complicated and it's important to not make a "false God" but realize the "God within" then make it manifest further in it's true form. But a Godform guided by the influence of Janus is different because that will be your common work towards realizing your own powers with the influence/guidance of Janus. Which is a "specific" "Janusform" and not exactly the "Omnipotent" (or our idea of what is and isn't omnipotence is) godform. But trust me you don't want omnipotence from the getgo. You don't want to take a minor glimpse at a rock and experience living as a rock for 2000 years to understand the "god" within the rock aka how your "Omnipotence" is operating "as a" rock. There are differences between "Psychic potency" and the actual omnipotence of the "Great Spirit" of sorts. Ultimately they are the same but it's important to take some baby steps first. If you have a God work with him until you are ready to move onto other levels of awareness. This is why polytheistic gods are great. "Monotheistic" "gods" get "jealous" if you try to "Move on". You can never leave a "true God" because they are always within and without. But a semi self aware egregore? Now they can get vicious. Hard to explain which is which you just need to get a "feel" that they have the "wisdom of God". >I’ve been losing a lot of weight recently from dieting and fasting so it might be related to that. Definitely. Sadly I cannot operate the mundane madness and responsibilities while fasting nowadays. I need to be somewhat solitary so I can focus on proper spirit work so I don't go insane while working with somewhat raw energies. While the energies mostly operate on the mental level fasting is still "easy" but once it messes with your emotions and moves energies in and out from your constitution things get weird. But discover your pace. I had several fasting arcs on my path and will have many more once I stabilize. I am just less zealous with not eating for days nowadays. Starving becomes addicting once you get past a tipping point. >I feel this is probably important, reworking that aspect of desire into something more stable and powerful. Ofc it is. That is your power your authority your soul forge the "middle burner" if we go by the chinese medicine that I am getting into nowadays. (I am so glad I only started reading it now when I personally experienced some places and phenomena it talks about on my own and I can relate quite well to that "autism". Magic is an art and science and our current scientific understanding is barely able to grasp it's true depth.) >to “graduate” from an adept to a magus Yeah this is why I like wuxia and xianxia. There is always a "bigger guy" that reminds you how meager your "mastery" is but if you have good morals your intentions are pure and "fate" favors you then somehow everything just works out or not lol. Hard to describe what counts as an "achievement" in magic because whenever you climb a mountain you see an even higher mountain in the distance not to mention true magic comes from "depth". How deeply you can understand some concepts and mechanics. But at that level you become an autismo of the highest grade who just want to sit on a mountain alone forever honing his craft and lose all your "human connections"/distractions. This is why meaning is always paramount. Knowing why you are doing this and never forgetting your reasons. I too had to overcome these hurdles and I still have to remind myself why am I doing some energy movements because some of them are really messing with my personality matrix and I need to know no matter what why am I doing that and it's not some lower desire or an "ego influencer/subverter" entity is fucking with me. >from an adept to a magus Also it's kinda complicated because there are no magic institutions nowadays. You become a "magus" when your powers become not just recognized but "undeniable" as well. You will know it when you are "there" but don't be too hung up on the "concept" because it might blind you. Don't forget that this is a journey and a process. "Titles" will be granted when you are worthy of them and with the titles usually responsibilities come along as well. As a "magus" you will have a pride a creed a mastery you want to stay true to. An "arrogance" only those can "allow" that have true power. Until that there is no point of worrying thus creating an another attachment that slows down your mental faculties. >The issue I ran into was that I wasn’t really sure what exactly to ask elementals after summoning :) This is why meaning is paramount. But yeah iktf. I have so many forces I have no idea what to do with it... so usually they get the "harmonizing" and "help me on the path if you can" directions. I am not exactly "desireless" but I know that most of these forces have limits to what and how they can do things and their operation range is quite specific until I help them expand it. >believe the best way forward from here is to establish a general “working relationship” with them Yupp. You got it right. This is what you want. Become a mediator between words for mutual benefit. With that you understand your own nature and the nature of the forces you work with. >hypothesis that perhaps spellforms work by acting as ‘signposts’ for spirits to take direction from Exactly. Do you have dreams when you mindlessly wander at some places and do things without thinking? Some "signposts" direct energies this way and they grant the greatest results. The reason why spirit work is important to know how the spirits "see" these things because there are many "negative signposts" you have to eradicate so the spirits can move freely again. They are sort of "temporal hells" manifesting and they slow down the flow of energies and cause problems for no reason. You fix one and suddenly all people become happier and more productive "out of nowhere" around these energetic locations. As a physically incarnated and awakening person you have ways to move between the worlds and share and influence the changes. >more likely to be take direction from them Yeah they need to "like you" of sorts. They will like you because you have a good or compatible elemental disposition good virtue or other attributes they like and it's easy to work with. Elementals are like children or animals sometimes. They have simple mindsets but it's not easy to completely tune into it and it's easy to fuck it up or misunderstand intentions at the beginning. >I might need to go back to IIH and work through the basic elemental exercises again Same. >Nowadays I view payment more akin to how bribes in the game Morrowind work This is quite the good perspective >increase the other person’s ‘favorability’ Truth is your energies are increasing their "compatibility" and their "willingness" because it will fuel them as an "inspiration" like when you cannot sleep because you feel "you have to do something first". Some spirits are more carefree while some of them are real dutiful so it's important to learn to "communicate" with them.

>>1219 >keep having the notion that in order to “graduate” from an adept to a magus I need to be able to reliably create some form of supernatural phenomena What scale of supernatural phenomena are we talking about here? I feel myself that using any of these rank flags by now will just lead to people expecting certain things although the description used for them is pretty vague, along with personal proficiency being a determining factor of what field you may succeed in, which may clash with some idea of what "reliable results" really are. Often it's for me at least a process of a series of spells cast towards a goal that fulfills it, but often the actual mechanic of the method used doesn't in the slightest seem to contribute towards that goal in the end. I often experience the defined and specific purpose to have even an opposite effect to what I intended, but then some seemingly random side effect leads to the result I wanted. Sometimes the effects do the job but are extremely chaotic, like one time when trying to protect a bank for reasons based on a hunch about some bad meddling being prepared. This resulted in a sudden knife attack in the street by a person who turned psychotic on the spot, which in turn called emergency services there. The sirens and commotion scared a gang of robbers who had planned to hit the bank and they crashed their car, police went there and found weapons in the car and they were arrested. If this a reliable result? The effect was achieved as intended, but in a rather messy way. >The issue I ran into was that I wasn’t really sure what exactly to ask elementals after summoning Excuse my retardation but then why summon them? To me magic is a means to an end, like ordering pizza. I wouldn't call them and then not know why I called them.

>>1225 >What scale of supernatural phenomena are we talking about here? Basically what Ironpill said, on a level that's 'undeniable'. Ties into this >but then why summon them? To me magic is a means to an end, like ordering pizza. I want mastery of the cause, not the effect. Results-based magic is useful but the possible effects you can achieve with it are limited by the extent of your ‘sphere of possibility’. I believe that learning the precise causal mechanism by which these results manifest expands this sphere. This also makes it more reliable since you can more accurately predict what exact effect your spell is going to have.

>>1233 >the possible effects you can achieve with it are limited by the extent of your ‘sphere of possibility’. I believe that learning the precise causal mechanism by which these results manifest expands this sphere I think this view is both correct and also not. The movie Windtalkers https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wr10pK02FH4 comes to mind because it has a scene which is typical of this thinking imo. They're trying to break through the enemy lines, but can't because the artillery is too accurate. So they send a small team to "play hero", because it's a movie after all, and that team sneaks like ninjas behind the lines and take out the communication post, causing the enemy artillery to lose their eyes at the front, after which they storm forward. These are the kinds of things they want you to believe in, but rarely does something like this work, where some complicated plan hinging on a specific mechanic creates the win. While it's necessary to know your equipment in a setting like this, to use this example, you have to know how to shoot and drive, anything at a higher level of complexity isn't likely to have much effect. The British institute for the study of war released a report some while ago detailing how weapon systems are actually being used in Ukraine. They said that the low education level caused by the high circulation (meat grinder tactics) of manpower had reduced the tactics to the very basics. Rather than using smoke like in NATO doctrine, they use indirect fire to shock and confuse the enemy. This isn't what the NATO shells were made for, rather those are meant for direct aim and doesn't have much area of effect. But bringing different types of shells to the tank crews or giving smoke grenades to infantry doesn't work in the chaos of battle. They can't coordinate and will use the smoke in ways that play in the hands of the enemy, use high accuracy shells for indirect fire, anti-tank shells on buildings and so on. The point I want to make here is that >>1233 >learning the precise causal mechanism by which these results manifest expands this sphere This effect, while existing, has diminishing returns beyond the bare basics. And this is true also in magic. When you throw your creation out to meet reality, you are exposing it to chaos, and the order of events are probably completely impossible to predict, aside from the basic mechanics at the level of "give someone a gun and they will maybe shoot someone". For this reason I usually test things with a mostly "blank" mind in terms of expectations, as much as is possible, then try to understand how to get the effect to be more accurate over time. Going along with the example above, one such conclusion may be >give someone explosive shells and they will shoot explosive shells >give someone smoke and they will shoot smoke So from this, when adding chaos to the scene, the smoke is more likely to just cause more chaos because of wind and the risk of just messing up in general because it requires a tactical level of thinking beyond "see enemy, shoot enemy", which is the most likely response for the grunt. To reduce the likelihood of "harmful chaos" in this situation, don't give them smoke. That's trying to explain my view at least.

>>1236 This is true if you’re acting as the general, but what about when you’re acting as the soldier? If you’re the one shooting the explosive shells or the smoke then the results seem to be a lot more predictable. It’s a matter of breaking up the ‘end goal’ on the chain of events so that there’s less steps separating it from the origin point. Which makes it easier to predict what’s going to happen. So if you tell someone to ‘kill that guy’, all manner of things could result from that. But if you aim a gun at the person yourself and pull the trigger, you can pretty easily outline all the possible outcomes that may result from that action and arrive at a pretty reliable conclusion of how that outcome came to be at the end of the operation.

>>1238 > But if you aim a gun at the person yourself and pull the trigger, you can pretty easily outline all the possible outcomes that may result from that action and arrive at a pretty reliable conclusion Can you though? This is were the complex karmic circumstances come into play. So maybe you do bring the gun, you aim according to your training and you pull the trigger. But the guy you are aiming at has a "protected fate", some deity made him" the component which a divine plan'' hinges on. Then you say "but that guy already killed such and such, he's a criminal, I need to kill him so he stops doing bad things." But maybe in his DNA are important skillsets which needs to be passed on, and the planning higher spirit invested into this guy to live on, even if he's now a criminal, that will have to be handled after he's dead naturally. So you are not allowed to kill him, and something unexpected will happen which saves him. This is understood by you are "chaos" because you pull the trigger and then... nothing. The gun jammed. He sees your attempt and pulls his own gun, now you're dead. To you, "chaos" saved him, but that is how a higher pre-set plan manifests. Since a higher power created it, you do not -as a regular magician- have the right to know this. So you can only call it chaos. When calculating the success rate of your workings, you then have to take this into account: there is always the risk/chance that there is a higher circumstance based on to me unknown principles which can overrule my work and intent. So that is why a safety clause is included in any successful spell working. Anything like a safety valve saying "do this, according to karma", or "do this, unless this is ruining divine plans" and so on. Failing to include this, will lead to possible, unpredictable and severe backlash against you. Now that's one way this can be spoken of. In the situation with the general, you can only pray that the guns you gave your soldiers are used in a way that is in line with higher plans. Trying to nullify them by making your plan "fail safe" may actually create absolute disaster for your effort. Say if you made such a plan, and it still is violating a pre-planned event created by a deity. Then maybe they are "forced" to create a massacre on your army to prevent your plan from ruining the divine plan. Then you end up with things like the original "kami kaze", the divine wind which destroyed the army of kublai khan at sea. That is why a calculable chaos is better to just include and let the rest indeed be a dice throw where you get better at working with chaos over time, by reducing the risk of stepping on things you shouldn't step on.

>>1239 But even then you can group most of those occurrences to the outcome of "an outside force interfered", and you can then measure the nature and mechanism of that interference to understand it. And then you'll be able to work with it and factor it in more accurately to your future predictions. Getting a feel for the 'flow of fate' operates, or being able to recognize the presence of a spirit or divine force that is opposed to your actions before you pull the trigger, even when you're still in the process of just planning it. Integrating the manipulation of microcosmic forces with the manipulation of macrocosmic forces. In my opinion, the proper response to the sudden introduction of an unknown factor should be to study and analyze it so that it’s no longer an unknown factor in future operations.

>>1240 There are different approaches to how this can be done. My stance is that the external, unpredictable unknowns are potentially "endless" in number, given that time progresses forward constantly. Any assumption on the nature of events are drawn from currently existing reference points, which will undeniably be made irrelevant as more data points are added to infinity. So the truth of the form of these principles will be revealed, but only as time progresses to eternity, with the form being more sustainable the closer it is to matching the state of "endless data points". Because of this, it's more relevant to "train the model" by adding more and diverse references to actual events, than it is to scientifically study the nature of "black swans" which may appear anytime in the future. Those predictions are always made based on historical knowledge, so unless the chaotic events are based on the same principles, it cannot be predicted. But would it then be needed to calculate them? Then they would not be chaotic to us. That is why I advocate an approach where you learn how to "throw the dice better" and exposing yourself to chaos over and over, rather than trying to understand and predict what is by its nature, in relation to me, always unpredictable until seen. So the solution is to have solid principles internally within my own limited scope, rather than trying to study the external.

>>1223 What I describe as free will is having the ability to make my own decisions, such as the decision to lift my hand up, or the decision to get in bed; if I didn't have what I believe to be free will, then something outside of my control would be making those decisions for me, while I suppose that my true will would be sitting there in the body, forced to experience it all happening. I wanna say that my "intrusive thought" problem seems to arise from a sort of cautious pessimism; basically I think, what could go wrong if I do this thing? And then I'm imagining it, and I can't tell the difference between spiritual reality and my imaginationas I've said in another thread, and then suddenly, I'm convinced that it's actually happening. I even do this stuff without deliberately thinking about it at times. It can just happen passively; that is, my automation thoughtforms sometimes do this stuff without me asking it to. I kinda don't think that expressing that will help get my problem solved, but it does let some emotion out just saying it. Speaking of which, a few months ago, Jesus told me that my problems are being caused by an immense amount of emotion; stress, anxiety, fear, & paranoia, being bottled up inside of me with out there being any proper outlets for them. Is there a way to just magically let these emotions out without hiring a demon or some shit to rip it outta me? Going by Montalk, I suppose most of my emotional energy is static emotional energy... in fact, I just read the Montalk article on emotional management after writing that, and now I suppose that I've got a fuckton of energy built up into internal thoughtforms that might just be looshing the fuck outta me. If there isn't a way to magically rip out the emotions without having to actually experience them, then I'm gonna have to figure out some sort of way to let out my fear of losing my agency without me actually losing my agency. Also, a spirit woman, not my spirit gf, came to me last night while I was trying to sleep; I had a vision of her entering my room while I was in an altered state of awareness and I could actually see her in the vision. I briefly saw her last month during states of emotional distress, and when she came to me this time I just said I don't wanna deal with spirits now because I need some fucking sleep. She looked like a white human with light brown hair in a bun behind her head, and I'm not so sure about what she wore, but I think it was a white shirt & blue jeans. After I woke up, I felt a tall white presence next to me that clearly wasn't my spirit gf; probably the same spirit. She didn't exactly seem hostile, at least. Any idea who she was? The time before that when I saw her, she was hugging a human man I'd never seen before who was taller than her.

Free will has nothing to do with your wants and desires. Free will is the power we all have for this realm to mirror externally our internal energetic state. Everything else is deterministic.

I'm posting here now since I feel like I'm in some sort of danger, or at least I'd felt like it. Also, I guess it'll help to let some emotions out. Earlier today, I was pressured more than usual into having compromising intentions; like if I tried to refer to myself, my intentions would get redirected to some sorta reptilian, as if an external being was trying to make me conflate myself with a reptilian. I'm very familiar with this type of mental subversion. Near the end of my shift at work, I unexpectedly slipped into a state of hypnogogia for probably just several seconds, and I saw a few grey reptilians bound together in the form of a liquid, and they were dripping downwards against some white background into some white hole, and I got the impression that they were being removed from me. I then felt relieved, or at least I'd thought so, and then I tried allowing myself to feel emotions that I usually don't allow myself to feel. Normally, I suppress my emotions due to this compromising thought problem, but this time I decided to just let it go since it'd probably be good for me and I thought it'd be safe. A few minutes later, however, while I was doing so, I felt a black substance wrap itself around my heart and enter it, and it wouldn't come out. Later that day, after I got home, I logged into a very mundane website; earlier that day I was having to make sure that I wasn't signing away any sort of agency by providing my signature on anything, such as a receipt, by constantly dismissing involuntary thoughts that'd falsely asserted so. Anyway, when I logged into that website; one I'd logged into a bunch of times before with no such issues, I felt like I'd just accidently signed away my agency, and then immediately, my imagination was taken to a place of dark green energies, and I'd unexpectedly heard "welcome brother" from a reptilian. I fucked outta there immediately and tried a bunch of shit including my own magic to get my agency back. After I did what I thought would re-secure my will against those damned aliens, I managed to get a consecutive hour or two of mental clarity by asking Hermes, the master of ascended masters himself, to come down here and help me. I'd then commanded my environment to cleanse itselfwhich I'm not entirely sure if it worked since I'd arbitrarily done it myself, and then I'd spent what felt like 2 hours standing in one place without leaving my spot and doing what I suppose qualifies as shadow work. This work had generally consisted of summoning up compromising thoughtforms, energies, & programmings one by one, commanding them to leave my body and go outside, disperse themselves into loosh, change their polarities into positive loosh, and then disperse themselves into the soil, after which I'd command the earth to disperse the energies amongst the earth's soil. I thought it was working while I did it, but now that it's over I don't actually feel much different, and I feel like I'm still in danger. I kinda feel like what he wanted me to do was to actually accept all of those thoughtforms, programming, and energies into me instead of getting rid of them, and then re-program them while they're inside of me. However, if it turned out that there was actually a foreign entity inside of me, then that clearly wouldn't work because those aren't part of me. I tried asking Hermes about this, but I have a super hard time hearing what spirits tell me, and I feel like maybe it was just my pessimism being out of control and making me think he told me that when he really didn't, so I don't even fucking know; I have too hard a time clearing my expectations of what spirits are gonna say in reply to what I do. Would the kinda "shadow work" that I did normally be at all effective, or considering >>1193 , would that have just made my problem worse? Now that today has happened, I'm starting to feel more certain that I am actually getting attacked by external entities in addition to me having my internal problems.

>>1248 Also, I'll say that I don't quite understand this. This is probably largely because my understanding of free will is too deeply rooted within what I assume to be the mundane definition of free will(which for me is rooted even deeper by a ton of trauma), wherein if you get possessed by a spirit, you lose your bodily agency. I feel like if I tried to ponder too deeply upon that definition and challenge my beliefs about it, then something bad might happen to me, considering the problem I'd just described. Well, now that I think about it, maybe I didn't actually just sign away any of my agency, or I really am so wrong about what agency & free will even mean... well fuck it I'll try figuring it out, so are you saying that if I lose my free will, then my magic will stop being able to make reality externally mirror my internal energetic stage? Would you please provide a more detailed explanation of what free will means?

>>>1253 >This work had generally consisted of summoning up compromising thoughtforms, energies, & programmings one by one, commanding them to leave my body and go outside, disperse themselves into loosh, change their polarities into positive loosh, and then disperse themselves into the soil, after which I'd command the earth to disperse the energies amongst the earth's soil. I thought shadow work was supposed to be about integrating the shadow? Sounds here like you’re further divorcing the shadow from yourself instead. Which is very likely the source of your feelings of being attacked my something external. Of course, the entirety of your external environment is technically part of your “unconcious mind” in a manner of speaking. Hard to toe the line sometimes between recognizing ‘sympathetic resonance’ and falling into solipsism. >I kinda feel like what he wanted me to do was to actually accept all of those thoughtforms, programming, and energies into me instead of getting rid of them, and then re-program them while they're inside of me. Yes, do that. >However, if it turned out that there was actually a foreign entity inside of me, then that clearly wouldn't work because those aren't part of me. What is “you”? It’s not your body, and it’s not your mind. There’s part of it in both though. Find an answer to this that you can reliably fall back on to show yourself your “immortal soul”. That’s important. >I have too hard a time clearing my expectations of what spirits are gonna say in reply to what I do Empty mind meditation 10 minutes a day will fix this. In IHH Bardon talks about a technique of invoking Akasha into yourself to become spiritually invisible (pic related), this works very well too, it's what I use when I start to feel myself generating interference. You should also experiment with automatic writing and divination tools like pendulums. >>1254 >if you get possessed by a spirit, you lose your bodily agency You also lose bodily agency if you have a stroke and get paralyzed. But you still have free will in that situation. This ties back into figuring out what “you” are, separate from the things that “you” are controlling.

>>1253 >external being was trying to make me conflate myself with a reptilian >grey reptilians bound together in the form of a liquid, and they were dripping downwards against some white background into some white hole >heard "welcome brother" K asked around and it seems you just awakened in a "reptilian sphere of influence". You are not exactly a reptilian but they acknowledged you "as one" because your psychic skills are connecting to parts of their "egregore" or influence. Consider them like any other entity around. Imagine having mexicans or some Portuguese people around. Not all of them are bad. If they offer you something you can say no and if they do anything hostile kick them out. I too dealt with reptoids and I am not a big fan either but they are on earth for a while and they have to respect magicians no matter what. Reptilians are better psychics by default compared to the average human but humans can "randomly" awaken to unbelievable levels then invoke Gods out of nowhere and other protective entities so reptoids know they have to keep things "civil". >I'm very familiar with this type of mental subversion. You are??? There are several ways of this and acquiring a "reptilian body" is "nothing special". That doesn't mean you have to be "stuck" in that body. It just becomes an another body you can transform into on the astral. I am not saying to accept it blindly but observe it and see where it leads. I was some ancient proto feathered reptilian in the long long past and have some "dragon" formations too but I would never call myself a reptilian. Not all reptilians are the same. Observe it and feel where their influence lead. Or ignore them and focus on more important issues first. >I felt a black substance wrap itself around my heart and enter it, and it wouldn't come out. Yeah I noticed it some weeks ago that you have your inner bright aura and a darker energy enveloping it and you constantly fought it because you didn't realize that is your own shadow energies. No light without shadow. I am not considering it as an external entity but you have to observe it more closely and try to talk to it in a gentle way. Currently you don't know what is your own energies and which are foreign energies. And as a magician you should be able to command every energy that is within your aura. If you think you lost control it is a mere illusion... or you misunderstood what control means by the get go. I too had to understand how I moved my hands the first time as I was born and how I formed words for the first time so an another "deeper control" could awaken. For that I had to let go all my faulty workings. >I felt like I'd just accidently signed away my agency You have to understand that it's not that simple. It's not a 'gotcha' kind of thing where you fall for a prank or something. Signing away your agency must be extremely deliberate and it needs to align to your highest and lowest wills. It needs to create a "destiny" level bond. Like a marriage you not just cannot but never ever want to divorce from. Agency is not like missclicking and accepting some cookies from a website. >tried a bunch of shit including my own magic to get my agency back Yeah these panic reactions are quite normal on your level but you will have to understand what happens when you "let go" and understanding if it was truly your "agency" or you put too much pressure and merely "making yourself lose agency" by overthinking. >re-secure my will against those damned aliens I too had similar when greys almost convinced me that I am an old grey on their planet and almost put a grey soul into me but as it happened I realized lol no fucking way faggots and threw them out. I realized that their thinking is compatible with my own autism to some degree but not with my magic and how I operate my psychic powers. Their mentality is too artificial too sterile. Powerful but it has a ceiling they cannot go over that easily and once I realized they can be overpowered THAT EASILY I realized something is not adding up. But they had an interesting psychic wiring way that helped me boot up my awakening some years ago. Let's say they are not the only ones that can analyze the biology of other species. But it's quite a long topic and I don't want to get into now. My relationship with them is weird as hell. >which I'm not entirely sure if it worked You have an aura that is finally becoming dominant but whenever you panic you allow other foreign forces and help them manifest them in your vision. You will have to lay down some rules how entities can appear within your vision and what they can do and if you allow them to communicate with you. I have a "do not disturb during mundane hours" sign installed and a "only those entities can enter that will help me on my path" so if they enter then they signed up to that deal which means they WILL HELP no matter what. Which means they either help me with divine wisdom or guidance or they help me sharpen my blades and warm up my etheric muscles as I beat the living shit from them as training bags. But this is not a "gotcha" thing. They "know" what they signed up to. This is no accident. Most of my troubles come from my own energetic mismanagment when I pull in weird influences then I realize OOPS MY BAD then slowly let go of them and let my internal and external balance return. For you this will be a paramount task. Understanding what balance means and how much energetic and spiritual pressure you can take. >now that it's over I don't actually feel much different He balanced you out and didn't exactly "upgrade" you. Ascension and awakening must be deliberate to some degree. You cannot randomly just ask a dude to do it. you have to open up on your own with his help. But it varies person by person. It can happen a myriad of ways. >I feel like I'm still in danger Your threat detector is so muffled I cannot pin down what you are feeling besides a weird mix of confusion and paranoia. >if it turned out that there was actually a foreign entity inside of me, then that clearly wouldn't work because those aren't part of me This will be important. There are millions of minor foreign "entities" within you. Not all entities think and act the same way as you. They fulfill minor tasks. The same way you have trillions of bacteria within. Most of them are neutral while some of them are beneficial too. You need to energetically "level up" so you can "let go of them" until that they are part of you as the breakfast you ate in the morning. Until you digest the important parts you are unable to "shit it out". Not to mention your intrusive thoughts are so meager I cannot even detect them. Like I have several thoughts about many violent things during daytime so I "psych myself up" because the mundane world is so bleak I almost fall asleep and while I am working on it every day it takes time to completely clear them out. Some habits die hard. This is why most lower entities avoid me. You don't want to enter into someone who is just looking for a punching bag or a test subject. >maybe it was just my pessimism being out of control Your mundane mindset is fighting your magical mindset. That causes your "pessimism". Your magical mindset is not your own TRV MAGIC of sorts but a hodgepodge of ideas which you are still experimenting with. Because of that it is still not truly "above" your mundane mindset which means they are competing. Until you prove (You)rself that you are the real thing you will have these doubts constantly. Even if someone challenges your agency you will brush it off like it's nothing once you find your own true will and your sense of "destiny". You will have to meditate on this further and understand you own doubts.

>>1224 >The reason I asked because "the nature of God" is kinda complicated and it's important to not make a "false God" but realize the "God within" then make it manifest further in it's true form. >That is your power your authority your soul forge the "middle burner" Had a related occurrence to this week. I was mediating a lot on intention and desire since I perceived that this was a weak point of mine. I have been finding that a clear and proper intention with realistic pre-visualization is incredibly important for proper spellwork. I have a bad habit where I tend to “dress up” my intention in a lot of words, which ends up obfuscating it, but from a spirit perspective the underlying meaning and intention is the primary aspect of everything. So I was meditating on desire, and I had a few thoughts, and eventually those thoughts formulated into what I would call a “true desire”, that is, something that you want 100% for its own sake and no other reason. This being a desire for immortality. I locked it in (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wWMdLtPYc_I), and immediately afterwards I felt a shift in my being, and saw that I had grown a sort of golden energetic ‘soul’ thing in my navel. As this happened I noticed that the artificial spirits I were working with at the time had shifted to resemble small stuffed dolls. I took this to represent a deepening of my perspective, such that my previous constructs were comparably “shallow”. After this, I contacted Janus to see what he could do. After I transmitted my intention, an arm descended from the sky and took out the golden soul from my navel, which I allowed. This left a large black hole. The next day, a hand descended again and place a silver-white flame in the hole, which I took to be fulfillment of the intention. Immediately I noticed that this caused a large change in my spellcasting ability. Usually when I want to charge a thoughtform, I ‘channel’ energy from an external source/plane by connecting my mind to it. However, after this silver flame was placed inside of me, I found that I could no longer intuitively do this. So instead, I tried drawing energy from the flame itself, and this worked extremely well. It seems a lot more powerful than my previous technique, but it still needs some getting used to.

>>1253 >so I don't even fucking know You will have to get int ouch with your intuition and forget this "attachment" of "knowing things". Quite hard I know. Even I cannot hear some things if I am focusing on a single mental channel in my head. The spirits talk from all directions and if you focus only on a single direction you might block your ears to hear them. >I have too hard a time clearing my expectations of what spirits are gonna say in reply to what I do Don't stress upon it just let them "say it". I read like a decade ago some mundane smartass who said that prophets of the past "heard their own thoughts and thought that it's the voice of the Gods" It's a "yes but actually no" kind of thing. Your "mind" is merely "translating" the informational energies and as your mind becomes more open and more compatible the messages become more clear and gain nuance. Like the tone of the voice changes the vocalbulary increases images and feelings might appear with the words etc. It must happen effortlessly in a gentle way. It must never be violent overtake or the owner of the body might give a psychic recoil in response. >would that have just made my problem worse? You have to stop thinking in "better" and "worse" terminologies. This is a process. Shadow work is a through and depth journey. It needs to "Get worse" so it can get better. You have to breach a threshold. "Lightworkers" are shat on in proper spiritual circles because they fear the most minor glimpses of the shadow so much they fall into traps constantly because they are chased by a demon of their own making because they never ever dare to face it. They just flee into an another false light. You will have to find your own light then go beyond it and find the all colored but ultimately colorless truth. >more certain that I am actually getting attacked by external entities in addition to me having my internal problems. Yeah I am usually punching things too hard until I start to feel that I am punching myself then once noticing which "part of me" that is I cleanse it and try to let it merge into the right place. My aggro ways are not good long term but if you are uncertain of the influences then punch first ask questions later. My guides got used to the fact that I am chocking them if they appear too soon. I am not really choking entities nowadays but... old habits die hard. >>1254 >Also, I'll say that I don't quite understand this Oh don't worry I want to nitpick what he said too but it's getting late for me and I feel like he won't even respond properly but pretend to be mysterious. >(which for me is rooted even deeper by a ton of trauma), Yeah I wonder what that is for you. I mean I was beaten and abused by my mom because of her own insecurities dad tried to kill me once as a joke and other retardation that is pissing me off because they "didn't mean it" so I never really had the chance to "get back at them" because once I started to grow the fuck up in my late teens then reached my twenties they started to fear me without me noticing it. I am still angry about them sometimes but my real issue is that I have hard time "saving them" because their issues are so deep rooted that started several generations ago and you cannot blame others for "being weak" and succumbing to the madness of the world. Even I cannot say I am completely above these influences. But I have to let them take me over from time to time so I can observe their effects and find the root cause of the issue that generates it. Sometimes it's just some retarded mental pattern or even a decade old parasite in the body making you do dumb shit. Sometimes I even manage to energetically punch them out from other people by reflex. Then they suddenly feel better and become far more amicable. >wherein if you get possessed by a spirit, you lose your bodily agency There is a "depth" in possession. You can be "possessed" for mere channeling needs. To hear a spirit it needs to "partially possess" you. You are already possessed by many influences. We all are. Your genetics also possess you in a way. >I feel like if I tried to ponder too deeply upon that definition and challenge my beliefs about it, then something bad might happen to me Yes it fucking will. You will finally understand your own thoughts and will need to understand that some "intrusive thoughts" are your own darker desires that arise because of some neglect or some dumb life choices while some thoughts that you considered your "own" are not yours at all. This is why this deep introspection is necessary as hell otherwise you will run into these problems constantly not knowing if it's (You) a mere influence or inspiration or some entity directly feeding you information without you knowing the reason for that. >Well, now that I think about it, maybe I didn't actually just sign away any of my agency Duh. The mayor is not "owning your soul" just because you are in the population registry. Not how it works. Signing things usually entails what you signed up for and until you fully understand "what you signed" it can be challenged no matter what. >I really am so wrong about what agency & free will even mean Not exactly "wrong" it's just you have shaky conceptual foundations and you are on a level where you have to deepen your own understanding. >I'll try figuring it out Atta boy. >Would you please provide a more detailed explanation of what free will means? Wonder if he dares to do that or he is the kind of person who "fears to overshare otherwise he stops being mysterious" Even if I wrote a lexicon a day I wouldn't be able to cover my own mysteries because they are that convoluted sometimes. >>1256 This is also good advice. You should deepen your understanding of your "own Akasha" or your connection with Akasha. I forgot to mention it before while always feeling the need that I should mention it. Your Akashic understanding is still too superficial but I cannot say I see it the same way as Brandon either. But let's not get into that now. >>1258 >I have a bad habit where I tend to “dress up” my intention in a lot of words Usually I just argue with myself if I "truly want it" and when I know all my desires and intentions are lined up and there are no doubts within me the "perfect zone" for the spell arises and I know exactly what I have to do. >from a spirit perspective the underlying meaning and intention is the primary aspect of everything. Exactly. Also seems like you are getting initiated into a path. The silver-white flame is sentient. It murmurs something I cannot understand yet. Have fun with it. I know many aspects of the many flame types but not all of them and was wondering about the metaphysical properties of mercury aka quicksilver yesterday so this might tie into my desire for a deeper understanding. Will watch the vid later.

>>1258 >vid >Xavier lol For some reason I thought it will be some long explanation vid about something and not a 7 sec clip. That show was great. Wonder if we can get more of it sometimes. Or it will be as good as it was originally.

>>1259 Glad to see you back, odd you've been gone for a week.

>>1261 Busy with mundane matters and my inability to answer with a single sentence requires me to sit down and waste an hour without even noticing sometimes. Discovered too many things again and they become harder and even more unnecessary to put into words as I move forward. Those who know know. But I am questioning what it means to know nowadays. My main knowledge base is starting to tip into intuitive knowledge too much and as my earthly experiences shrink compared to it "knowledge" starts to gain a new meaning. Socrates tried to explain this but he didn't manage to go beyond the "Philosopher" stage. Might write about that later. It's late here.

>>1257 >this type of mental subversion >yeah I wonder what traumatized you I've said this in another thread, but I've been dealing with my intentions being subverted at a foundational level for the past several years, with only a single day of peace from them during the first year or so of it. Around the time when this started, I'd tried becoming a proper roman catholic, and I even went so far as to stop cursing altogether; I think I might've even managed to stop mentally cursing, but I don't remember that part as well. I curse all the fucking time these days, though. This next part I don't remember so well, but eventually, my intentions changed in some manner; I suppose I'd thought back then that my soul felt "whiter"; mind you, I'd known next to nothing about occultism back them. But anyway, at some point, the intrusive thoughts started and they subverted my prayers, despite my constant prayers to make the thoughts stop. I guess this all happened because I was repressing too much emotion in an effort to become virtuous, and then that repressed emotion turned into a thoughtform that began parasitizing me. Eventually, it got so bad that I couldn't pray for more than a few seconds at a time without my intentions getting subverted. The only thing that stops my intrusive thoughts is being entertained in a non-stressful manner, which typically meant video games. If you don't think this constitutes "real trauma", then I really don't blame you due to my love of high standardshell this wouldn't even be high standards; it'd be below-average standards, but for what it's worth, I consider myself to have an unusually-low amount of stress tolerance.

>>1268 Now that I've gotten some sleep, I've finally realize that I'd neglected to describe how the intrusive thoughts fucked me up. To sum it up real fast since I've gotta get going, basically they've been trying to do shit like trying to make me lose my agency and defiling other beings in abominable manners; things that go completely against my morality. And obviously, the harder I push against the thoughts, the stronger they get; I realized that in the first year or two. The mental struggle has been really exhausting over the years; in fact, it got so bad within the past month that I actually gave up out of emotional exhaustion against the intrusive thoughts for what I assume was the first time ever, and then it happened another 1 or 2 times.

>>1268 >I'd tried becoming a proper roman catholic What does that entail? The problem with the "proper" is that we have misconception what that means and most people just become self righteous prudes that deny their own needs and emotions. Once they get bottled up and you are unable to vent or find a healthy way to express those energies you enter into a cognitive dissonance of sorts where you constantly fight yourself. Energies have a natural flow in the body and the way they flow prompt actions. If it creates a habit a circuit it needs to go through that mental pathway so it can nourish vital parts of your mindbody complex. This is why finding out that what are "real issues" and what are "societal memes" or "spooks" that we make ourselves stress about too much and what are healthy manifestations of the body like having random boners in your teens or wanting to have sex with a girl while you are single. Demonizing these things is self defeating. Catholicism either wants you to enter into a marriage with a girl asap with the blessing of the church or abandon these earthly desires and become a monk. Becoming a self flagellating in/volcel was never what it was about. Virtue is not about becoming dogmatic. It's about understanding the underlying nature of reality and feeling our true feelings and understand ourselves as much as we understand others. >and I even went so far as to stop cursing altogether Bruh... even I have hard time with that. Yes cursing is causing a pain for the mind and might disturb others but you don't swear for the sake of swearing right? You don't sing fuck nigger wanker kikes in every morning as a wake up song. You swear because some activity or event caused you great pain and you have to express the internal turmoil it caused. You have to let it out and notice the pattern it causes within. I remember many years ago I had to let my anger overtake me and swear like a sailor in the morning so I "woke up" from the morning zombie walk so I could get productive. My anger was an extremely strong fuel I abused so I can stay productive when I was nearing my limit. Nowadays I cannot use that anymore because it is an impure essence that fucks up my meridians but that doesn't mean I don't lose it from time to time. Especially because I HAVE to get angry because the people around me are so defeatist numb and careless around me and I have to WAKE THEM THE FUCK UP before things get awry. I am less high strung nowadays but still far from being an avatar of peace and serenity. Nowadays the world the media and society is constantly taunting us then tell us to "stop being angry" because you can be angry only at "allowed topics". You can be angry about things the government says to be angry about. Then constantly abuses you with "microaggressive" ways and tells you it's "normal". If you weren't angry at all that would be weird. This "turning the other cheek" thinking is something many people misunderstand. You can only do that when you are truly "above it" and not when you "fight for survival". Even I heard somewhere that it might have misinterpreted extremely because Romans had a law where a single slap was allowed because it constituted as an insult and not as aggression and only at the second slap or punch it was acknowledged as a crime. Don't swear for the sake of swearing but understand what makes you swear. >that my soul felt "whiter"; Yes you center is white but you are enveloped in an adaptive darkness which you deny and fight constantly. That is also your power but you are denying it because it is more unruly than your "white" power. You cannot control the light and the shadow the same way. The shadow is not the darkness but usually issues that are enveloped in the darkness itself. >was repressing too much emotion in an effort to become virtuous, and then that repressed emotion turned into a thoughtform Yes >began parasitizing me It is a part of you. You have to acknowledge it take it apart and let it become with you again. It's as much as a parasite as a dried branch of the tree is "sucking" the water out of the main body of the tree trying to come back to life. Even if it gets cut or breaks down it returns to the earth and the tree will "eat it" with it's roots once again as it recycles back. Let it go and slowly let it fall apart and let the vital parts of you become you again. Those thoughts that comes from other sources need to go back to their original location but they will only do that once you let them go back. Once your own essence is not keeping them with you. >I couldn't pray for more than a few seconds at a time without my intentions getting subverted Yeah you need to learn magical focus. I don't know what you are praying for but you will have to learn to enter a zone >The only thing that stops my intrusive thoughts is being entertained in a non-stressful manner, which typically meant video games. It's not exactly "stopped" it's just you are so enamored with something that you either ignore it with 0 effort or the noise of your focus pushes it out or even your thoughtform is fascinated with the game you are playing. It is part of you after all. Had to learn that the media that "calms me down" can also become an intrusive thought in my meditations or in my dreams. Overindulging in media so I can brush my issues away is not healthy long term. But first you have to find a solid footing. >If you don't think this constitutes "real trauma", I was just not sure what I am looking at. It looks like a weird soft shadow is slowly trying to corner you but never truly able to grasp you. Some people have deep seated traumas and I am not always sure what I am looking at exactly. Not to mention it all depends how we handle the traumas and not how "severe" it is. I handle heavier traumas more easily than minor nuisances in some cases. When I am in trouble most of my mental capacities are on high alert but while minor nuisances happen they are usually asleep or wander into different directions because "why even bother paying attention" Tried to connect parts of my emotional body and it was such a painful turmoil that I realized that getting beaten by my mom as a child was "more fun" that letting my raging heart connect the fractured parts of my psyche. Some parts of me have hard time getting along It's always personal and different for every person. People who experienced more traumas will be able to handle further traumas in life once they "get over it" and "grow as a person" while those who never truly did shadow work on themselves might feel like it is an unwinnable battle because they never learned to use the true intensity of their emotions because they never knew how dishonest they were with themselves. >I consider myself to have an unusually-low amount of stress tolerance I have some pet peeves that make me lose it but otherwise most people consider me "passive" and way too patient in most cases. It's an always fear the anger of a reserved person kind of thing. Anger is a resources that I am not willing to waste on most retards. But there are some retards that I am not letting go. >defiling other beings in abominable manners You sure you don't have a fetish you are denying? Fetishes usually stem from neglected desires or energetic formations. They need to be found and cleaned. >The mental struggle has been really exhausting over the years Don't fight it find it face it clean it. You want those things for some reason. Maybe it wants you to get closer to other people or beings or to finally stop being addicted to a degenerate media that makes you conjure up those thoughts without noticing. TL;DR You should be able to solve this on your own. Especially once you learn to stop stressing over it too much.

>>1277 You've not given up on me from the other thread, have you?

>>1281 >You've not given up on me This is also a problem I am facing. I have to "let go" and not save you out of "arrogance" or because of any self centered idea about salvation but it must be a sort of "true compassion" but for that I have to completely become the other person and reach the vantage point where I am one with the highest and lowest mind of yours. I realized that you represent an issue even I have. Dependence on the internet and other forms of media. That is something even I am unable to let go. Therefore I don't have the perfect way to save you until I can save myself. Once I can rise above the media dependence I can slowly learn to dive deep without getting attached and dragged down but I can never interact with the internet the same way with the same energies again because then it proves that I never managed to truly "let go" of it. "Letting go" and "giving up" might sound the same but this is like I have to let go of the stones that try to drag me down to the bottom of the ocean so I can save someone who decided that he needs to breathe the oil that a broken tanker ship just managed to spill into the water. When birds die while flying they fall down. When fish die while swimming they float up to the surface. Figuring out what is life and death in this situation is not easy. Hope you understand.

>>1283 I sure do, haven't learnt to disambiguate "letting go" nor "giving up" myself.

>>1277 Today, I had a realization that some of my intrusive thoughts are caused by OCD. I also went through an effort to disconnect my powers, and if applicable, the rest of myself, from the reptilian egregore. I also tried commanding my "other minds" to wrap me within akasha to render my mental bodies harder to detect. I've had an easier time with the intrusive thoughts since I did that stuff and some other stuff that I don't care to mention right now. I might mention it later. >what does that entail? Okay maybe proper was too strong a word to use; thinking back, I might've just wanted to get rid of as much sin as possible from my life and even my mind, but I also knew due to /pol/ that the church had quite alotta subversion in it, so I didn't wanna get too close to it, at least personally. Or maybe I'm remembering wrong and wanted to go the whole 9 yards, but I definitely at least remember being hesitant about confirmation due to the falsely-elected pope. I have no intentions of getting close to catholicism now, though. >swearing for its own sake I basically never do it for its own sake, but I do swear when I'm not angry, though I have been told that I have anger problems, so perhaps "angry" in this case means really mad and I'm just passively angry? Anyway, I use curse words in my vocabulary like it's fucking nothing; the ones that don't get you fired from your job or thrown in prison, ofc. Now that I think about it, I just say fuck, shit, or hell, or rarely bitch since I've gotta be careful with how I use that one. Speaking of anger, at some point during the first year or two of the intrusive thoughts, I eventually came to the conclusion that anger won't solve my intrusive thought problems. Basically, I meditated upon anger and realized that anger is simply something that attempts to guide people to an end, but anger doesn't always lead people there and can cause more problems than it solves. At some point, I convinced myself at a subconscious level that feeling anger is completely pointless most of the time. For example, you can't get mad because weeds are coincidentally growing in your yard; the weeds don't exactly have the capacity to choose to grow elsewhere. However, that doesn't mean that you can't get stressed out about it, nor does it mean that you can't pull them outta the ground. As another example, getting mad at globohomo for doing abominable things won't do much if you can't actually stop it from happening beyond doing something that'd only take a single drop of outta the ocean that is globohomo and then land you life in prison or worse. In fact, saying this makes me remember that my spirit gf told me out of the blue yesterday while I was playing that really hard part of that game, "It's okay to be mad.". iirc, I didn't really understand at first about why I should be mad to begin with. In hindsight, the only thing in the game that I had any reason to be mad at was the guy who made the level I was playing because I was questioning why he made it so damn hard. Beyond that, however, I couldn't simply be mad at myself for not being better at the game because I was trying roughly as hard as I could to beat it. For me, I rarely feel anger; I instead experience stress, and possibly also anxiety. >my anger was fuel I abused to stay productive I wish I could do that. If I did that shit, all sorts of crazy magic shit would happen beyond my control and I'd probably have a mental breakdown. >enter a zone Would you elaborate further? It sounds extremely useful. >fetish you're denying 'm pretty sure that I got rid of everything except impregnation in maybe 2022; well, except there's still trance amounts of an unrelated fetish, but I go days at a time without thinking about it and don't care too much when it comes to mind, so I'll just let that one go naturally. What I think the problem here is actually that, well, I'm a really impressionable guy, and I found encyclopedia dramatica when I was 12, and I started going to 4chan when I was 14, and I'd used to make rape jokes sometimes. I haven't made any rape jokes for years, and I don't know how long it's been since I cared to. In fact, I did a bit of shadow work about that today, which is why I'm able to tell you this now. I think being so impressionable made magic be alot easier for me to believe in the existence of than it'd otherwise have been, largely since the bible has Luke 17:6 and the other verse that mentions the power of faith, but I digress. It also helps that I quit visiting XXX sites altogether thanks to my spirit gf; it's been 11 months since I've been to one. I find that I only get these thoughts when either, A: I'm stressed out, or B: I'm doing something or about to do some mundane thing that these intrusive thoughts take advantage of to stress me out... which is rather embarrassing so I'd rather not say, but I think I'll figure this out you're right; I've got faith that I'll make it. Sometimes I don't have to be doing anything stressful to be stressed out, but simply not have gotten over something that made me stressed out earlier, or even the day before.

>>1293 >but I definitely at least remember being hesitant about confirmation due to the falsely-elected pope. I had my confirmation under the previous pope. Church and confirmation is not just about "removing sin" but more akin to getting close to the local religious community and egregores. I did it because it was family tradition and was nothing "special" back then. My family kept being religious under communist rule which demoted us into 2nd class citizens in some regards so it is something we will not let go because some authority is thinking itself "the norm" and consider materialism the only form of truth >I have no intentions of getting close to catholicism now, though. Just don't have bipolar thoughts about it. It has it's perks but it's nothing lifechanging until you find a churchgoer girl or a new approach towards your own faith. >rarely bitch since I've gotta be careful with how I use that one. damm >I meditated upon anger and realized that anger is simply something that attempts to guide people to an end, but anger doesn't always lead people there and can cause more problems than it solves. Seems like your meditations work well. Stick to them. Good realization. >At some point, I convinced myself at a subconscious level that feeling anger is completely pointless most of the time. Impotent anger leads nowhere. >For example, you can't get mad because weeds are coincidentally growing in your yard uuuhhhhh...yeeeaahhhh...I never caused droughts because I didn't want to cut grass...HAHA. Me? Subconsciously denying weather patterns to appear because people are annoying me how some weed looks? You have no idea how retarded I felt when I noticed that the weather currents resonate too well with my own emotions >doesn't mean that you can't get stressed out about it Thank fuck we reached a point where leaving weeds grow can be considered as "bee pastures" and an act of protecting bees so authorities are less annoying about fucking weeds growing over 5cm. I understand what you are saying but in reality "getting angry" can yield results in weird ways because most times you are not the "Only one" who have issues with some retardation. Not to mention constantly cutting grass and fucking with the soil helps to grow weeds if you don't know what you are doing. But yes stressing about it is never good. Even I noticed that sometimes I am more stressed about thinking about doing something than actually doing it. >then land you life in prison or worse Yeah don't be paranoid about that constantly. They are in the shadows for a reason. If they were THAT powerful they wouldn't need to constantly hide in the shadows. Lions don't hide in the shadows. Rats do. Rats also have a network that overtakes the entire globe. But they cannot win against a healthy lion no matter what. >that my spirit gf told me out of the blue yesterday while I was playing that really hard part of that game, "It's okay to be mad.". You block your own energies. You need to accept "being mad" so you can use that to fuel your reflexes and thinking. Git gud. If I lose my shit in vidya or IRL I go into a frenzy and "stop thinking" and solve the issue... or I realize I am not "willing to go mad" about this because it requires a careful approach. It's k to go mad sometimes. Just don't make it "part of your personality". Observe the energies and understand the emotional hiccups you have. >was questioning why he made it so damn hard What game was it again. >I couldn't simply be mad at myself for not being better at the game Usually I have an "I had enough of this" moment when I go into "serious mode" or realize it's too much work and bypass the whole thing. But I feel like I "lost" when I use exploits to win games but when it's too bullshit I don't care. >I instead experience stress, and possibly also anxiety. Yeah that is a problem. That energy needs to reach a productive point instead of being bottled up. This is why she said it's "okay to be mad". >If I did that shit, all sorts of crazy magic shit would happen beyond my control and I'd probably have a mental breakdown y-yeah... good thing that n-never happened to me. I had to let go of my habit of getting angry by default as a reflex because it hotwired most of my energy circuits without me noticing. This is why as you awaken psychic powers you have to "get beyond" your emotions otherwise you become a rollercoaster >Would you elaborate further? It sounds extremely useful. Maybe later. I found it I can do it in my childhood and I only started to perfect it in my late teens but now that I am seeing the requirement spirituality has for trances channeling and other otherworldly experiences I cannot say my mastery is good enough. But might write about it. It's about "getting into the mood" emotionally and mentally. Basically letting your mind fall into the place on it's own instead of "trying hard". Can't always do it because sometimes I forget myself in the process and "getting out of the zone" and letting the lingering influences go takes time. But yes it's extremely useful. It's the thing that makes you into a genius a savant a professional and ultimately a master. >everything except impregnation Yeah that is normal. >and I'd used to make rape jokes sometimes Asking for it eh? >I think being so impressionable made magic be alot easier for me to believe in the existence Yeah my parents made me only believe what I am being told and anything else was "bad" and "Not allowed". For me it was the men who stare at goats movie that did it for me where I learned about project stargate and while being bored on a classtrip I did the cloud bursting like Clooney in the movie. First it was "scientific" for me where I acknowledged that the brain generates electromagnetic forces and I can manipulate reality in slight means. Then I entered psychic communities and some of them talked about magic that I thought it's a fairy tale until I realized all of them were simple outlets for psychics of the past and that means all the legends can be true and not just bedtime stories. Made me rework 99% of my future plans. I realized if psychic powers and magic exists then what achievement can be "this grand" or "worth pursuing". Back then didn't even know that it is called "The Great Work" since the first recorded moments of history. Was hard to understand how "no one managed to notice this" and always only a selected few through entire history managed to figure it out. >but I think I'll figure this out you're right; I've got faith that I'll make it Yupp you will. Keep this up. You are on the good path.

>>1315 >damm I'm sure it ain't quite as bad as that reaction warrants; misinterpretations happen sometimes. I'm probably just being too paranoid out of caution. >don't be paranoid about that constantly I'm sure that every right-winger at the canadian trucker protest of early 2022, the brazilian riots that happened when lula was falsely elected, and everyone that got sent to the gulag for being led into a psy-op on january 6 2021, and many more would disagree about that. They themselves aren't lions, but they have lions at their beck & call. Modern-day politics constantly prove that we recently clown world and entered hyperbole world. >git gud I'm good enough at the game that noone online calls me bad; in fact, some people call me good. >what game was it again Since you asked, SRB2. I was riled up over an addon for it. >anger How can I express or otherwise discharge any of that anger energy safely without it being, well, impotent or getting me in trouble? I'll also say something else about the intrusive thoughts. When the intrusive thoughts are of a sexual nature, I don't actually get turned on by them. They do the horribly defiling things they do because they know it'd get a reaction out of me; doesn't necessarily matter if it's sexual or not, but if it's an easy avenue for them to take that comes to mind, then it's an easy avenue for them to take. Anyway, since your last post, I've been attempting to disconnect myself and my psychic powers from the reptilian egregore because I still wanna stay the hell away from them. Also, due to my intrusive thoughts, I can't simply kick an entity out of my presence if my shadow wants to use the entity as a toy to loosh me with. The only way I can reliably get rid of it by that point is by wrestling with my shadow for an hour or longer until I can finally cast a spell, without the shadow interfering with the spell's intentions, that violates my shadow's and/or the entity's free will to either make it fuck off or kill it, and that's if I can even manage to miraculously get my shadow into a position where it won't prevent me from doing that. I do make sure to un-kill entities some time after killing them, though; I know bad shit will happen to me if I don't. Also I don't have a reptilian body, afaik. If you were saying I do, however, then how am I supposed to know that I'm not being led by the nose? I ain't willing to see where that body leads me; considering my viewpoints about reptilians, it'd presumably lead to me getting my soul or physical body abducted by hostile reptilians. Anyway, yesterday, I was wrestling with my shadow, and I saw it, or at least a thoughtform of it, take the form of my spirit gf's head. I then grabbed that shadow and locked it in my heart, and forced it to flow though my bloodstream. While I was doing this, I felt 2 blood clots clear up in my brain that I didn't even know were there, or at least it felt like it. I felt kinda relieved of stress after that happened, but today it's becoming a problem again. One of my problems is that I "randomly" experience energy sensations and don't know what they mean, so I react to them by attempting to discern what the feeling was, based upon the sensation alone, and it usually results in me thinking that some entity tried to put something bad inside of me or take a non-physical body part away from me, and I end up trying to push it out or get it back, which presumably results in me kicking my shadow outta my light. And earlier today, I did some thinking about the intrusive thoughts, and I realized that the thoughts often talk in my spirit gf's voice, which often gets me worried to high heavens over her. I've still gotta convince my shadow somehow that it's only hurting itself by hurting me & her. I also realized that, possibly the whole reason why I get these intrusive thoughts in the first place might be because my shadow and/or inner child just wants to play video games, and it never wanted school, homework, my parents, or any other obligations to get between me and playing video games. I'm assuming that the reason that I get the intrusive thoughts in the first place is because my shadow and/or inner child just wants to play video games, watch shows, and browse the internet all day. I specifically remember feeling a gigantic sense of relief when I finished undergrad college. That said, I get plenty of free timefor now at least, but that thing just wants entertainment so fucking badly and can't always get it.

>>1322 >form of my spirit gf's head Shoulda added; I knew at that point that it was my shadow I was grasping and not actually my spirit gf.

>>1322 Real quick update before bed; maybe 1-2 hours after posting that, I randomly found a black non-physical hand next to me. It appears to obey my will, and when it touches me, I feel a thermal sensation where it touches me. When I'm not willing it around, it appears to have a mind of its own. I suppose that it might be my shadow, but I'm not entirely sure. I might test it out on someone else tomorrow; put the hand on the person's shoulder and ask the person if the person's shoulder feels funny.

Seeing my friends change as grow old and have children has helped me understand the concept of astral immortality. It's not so much that they have changed, as the fact that they have slowly become generic adults. Any traces of the unique personalities they had when we were young are slowly getting buried in prejudices, emotional conditioning and programmed responses, to the point that they have become almost undistinguishable from each other. What little remains of who they were is obviously painful to them, like an annoying splinter that they can't get rid of. This makes me think their soul is hurting beneath the mountains of piled up bullshit. If my theories are correct, when they die and the stabilizing effect of bodily incarnation disappears, these energies will dissipate, and their soul will carry on. Sadly, it is but a tiny kernel of animal awareness at this point. The mystery of reincarnational amnesia is plainly revealed. Reincarnation seems to be a long struggle to become lucid and stay that way.

I decided on a whim today to look up the symptoms of repressed anger; I think I know the root cause of my intrusive thoughts now. Pic related is what of these symptons that I suffer from; as for the heart part, I've had a heart murmur for at least the last 6 years. I also read that having repressed anger issues can cause a person to desire to identify with their aggressor, in my case unconsciously. That'd explain why my psychic powers were connected to the reptilian egregore and why it wants so strongly to impose reptilians upon me, despite the fact that I was attacked by reptilians 3 months ago as I'd mentioned in another thread. I also read that repressed anger can make you have a hard time relaxing, and a hard time feeling pleasure. I also read that, according to chinese medicine, anger is stored in the liver. I feel like if I can figure out how to get of rid of my repressed anger without suddenly getting taken down by spirits or the government, then my intrusive thought problems will naturally go away on their own.

>>1302 >I realized I can "sacrifice" my temporal sanity my "touch with reality" and mostly with mundane common sense for extreme magical powers. After I saw this I attempted to use this method to supercharge a project I was working on where I implanted a shoggoth “DNA seed” into myself to try and kickstart some form of physical shapeshifting. I was planning on fasting the day after this, but undergoing the insanity operation had the strange effect of making my teeth feel soft. It was very odd and unpleasant, I could feel the teeth moving and giving way slightly whenever I pressed them together. I also had a very strong urge to chew on something, which I tried suppressing at first. But I began to get the notion that something bad might happen if I don’t address it, so I gave up on the fast and began eating. This caused the tooth symptoms to slowly begin abating, and it took another day after than for the sensations to completely disappear. Don’t know if this was a result of the willed insanity or the shoggoth DNA. But I think the “mundane common sense” is the real obstacle. Since I have begun using magic more in my mundane job, I’ve started to notice that causality really isn’t applicable a lot of the time. Whenever I sense a stressful or troublesome work situation start to form, I completely step out of my mundane mindset and look at the energetic structure of the situation, directly attacking and destroying the entity, pattern, or spirit that I can identify as being responsible for it. Every single time I do this the problematic issue immediately dissipates. Even if it seemed impossible from a mundane perspective at first. It’s starting to make me think that maybe the mainstream idea of physical causality just isn’t real. Or at least isn’t applicable in the majority of situations. Just focusing on the energy will cause the matter will fall into place automatically, regardless of logic.

Tomorrow, I'd like to temporarily merge my spirit gf into my soul, as we've done multiple times months ago. Would anyone like to share any techniques for removing a spirit that isn't yours from your soul after it merges with you? These days, I typically manifest a tool; two golden half-circles that have some inscriptions on them and can connect to eachother to perform a circle, and are otherwise connected by a golden chain. The chain mainly acts as support for the rest of the tool. When I manifest them, they appear in each of my hands and spin around extremely quickly until I put my hands near or beneath my feet, at which point they connect beneath my feet to form a circleif my subconciousness doesn't feel like fucking with the process. I then order the tool to remove a specified spirit from my soul. After that, I slowly pull the non-physical tool upwards with my physical hands, and as it goes up, the tool "noclips" though my soul, while I visualize & feel the spirit in question being forced out of the parts of my energetic anatomy that the tool "noclips" through, especially including my major energy center, into upper parts of my energy anatomy and/or out of my energy anatomy, until, finally, the spirit has nowhere to be shoved except for above my crown. I don't quite remember how I did it before I acquired that tool, however; I'm assuming that what I did was use my hands as "noclipping" filters in the same fashion as said tool, but my faith in that is shaky compared to the tool, which seems to be a crutch of sorts. I'd acquired said tool when I had a problem last year with an entity that took the form of a naked human blonde female that impersonated my spirit gf; while she was bamboozling me into thinking she was my spirit gf, I'd actually came to a shaky conclusion that she wasn't my spirit gf while she was trying to enter my brow energy center on her own, against my will, but then I'd convinced her out of compassion towards my relationship to leave me, and then I got uncertain about the possibility of that having actually been my spirit gf and asked her to come back, which she did. I didn't finally figure out for sure that she was an imposter until after I started voluntarily merging her into my soul. When she got to my heart, I felt some horrible black mass enter my heart that was glowing with a dim light-blue light instead of my lovely feeling of my spirit gf's heart, so then I'd used my heart to purify it and turn the merged heart a bright green color. Shortly after that, she entered my solar plexus, and then she started entering my sacral energy center, at which point I'd finally realized that I was cheating and used said tool to remove her. Iirc, she gave me the tool before she entered me the 2nd time, and I ended up keeping it after the whole thing was over; she probably gave it to me so she'd have a safe way out my soul, since saying in there too long would be really bad for my & her health. After I'd kicked her out of my soul, I'd used a technique called spiritual reversion, wherein I, typically with a ton of help from Christianity's Holy Spirit, would actually destroy the targeted energetic anatomy outright and re-create it in a specified previous state, typically without affecting any memories. This would be done by creating a "noclipping" barrier and passing the barrier through the entities in question; as the barrier passes through it, the entity would be destroyed, but when the other side of the barrier passes through the parts of the entity in question, those parts of the entity would be recreated in its previous state. I then asked Him to stick her in a cage until I'd forgotten about her for a sufficiently-long period of time. She probably spent a few months in there before enough of the energies of the event had dissipated that I'd finally felt safe letting her out of her cage. I'd asked for her to have good amenities in there since she was actually receptive to the aforementioned compassion. Some time after I kicked her outta my soul, however, I'd lost the ability to perform spiritual reversions due to presumably-unrelated reasons that I don't care to go through the trouble of explaining. The reasons probably boil down to spiritual fatigue of some sort on my end. I'm sure I could get the ability back if I tried hard enough, but I suppose that I'd have to go through alotta catastrophic failures before I'd figure it out again.

>>1369 What is the purpose of this merge if you are going to detach again right after? Whatever, I'll get to the sharing. https://shop.creepyhollows.com/empowerment-paranormal.html This thing here was recommended to my by djinn when I started working with them. It's priced currently at $185 which sounds like a total rip-off, but they did put work into it so I guess they have a right to make some money. Still, all the things they sell used to be seriously nerfed and CIA forced them to place registration numbers on all spells and spelled items, so the glowies know who has them. Magic should be free so I don't approve of this. That's why I made this thing >pic It's the same spells but with no registration number and all limits removed. The original came with a complicated user manual where you are to activate the spells and bindings using specific words. They then activate things at fixed levels. When I used this version at first, the shield which keeps spirits away would make my djinn constantly slide away from me as if they were on a slope, and they would have to keep adjusting their position because the shield didn't exclude bounded spirits, it just worked mechanically to keep everything away. And the wordings for activation were numerous and hard to recall. So I reworked it to be adaptive instead, adding a power source in the form of a circulating wheel which burns off environmental karmic energies as fuel. The shields will not push away your friendly or bound spirits, and will actively power up or down when put under pressure (attacks will make them power up). There are several binding methods included, you can use mental control of them to activate them, the spirits can also bind themselves for convenience. My djinn will bind themselves like putting on a seat belt and then remove it again when we are done. I also added an "air shield" of my own creation which protect you against physical danger. To clarify, my version does not have word control, you use only mental intent.

>>1370 Right, and you can also place the magic pack on a physical item, just project it and it will stay there. If not you just use your body or mind as the artifact.

>>1370 >the purpose We did it on purpose for the first time 364 days ago, so I wanted to do it again to sorta celebrate the relationship, and because it feels good. One time, I actually had her inside of my soul for 3 days, and I tried allowing my soul to synergize our energetic functions before the 3rd day. By the 3rd day, I felt like my soul was devouring her from the inside out, so I got her out as soon as I could, but it resulted in me ripping apart my chakras to free her from me. I couldn't sleep at all that night until I'd managed to magically put my chakrasor perhaps they were just thoughtforms of my chakras back together at a basic level. The next day or so when I visualized her, she looked exactly like me. She'd never felt the same after that until my repressed emotions made me accidently contact Athena one day, who'd unexpectedly restored her energy bodies to their former conditions and made her feel like her old self again. Anyway, that's one of the reasons why I want the merger to be temporary. However, I've been losing my shit today, presumably due to subconscious anxiety about the merger; I don't think my subconsciousness likes the idea of having my soul's energetic functions impaired for a day. Basically, my repressed emotion issues & the habit thoughtforms they made have been making my magic either fail or backfire whenever I tried to use my magic today, and they were even preventing me from successfully calling upon deities to get things done for me, and preventing my aforementioned exorcism tool from properly working, and it re-colored it silver or something too. I think I might've gotten over it shortly before posting this; I suppose that I was supposed to go through a bunch of emotional turmoil today so that I could learn something. For now, I called off the merger so that I can hopefully just calm the fuck down and get my magic under some semblance of control. As for your sigil, I really, REALLY do not have enough mental self-control to use that thing properly; in fact, if I did use it, I fear that I'd break it or compromise it or worse and then you wouldn't be able to use it anymore, so I think I'll pass. If it were as easy as pushing physical buttons, then I could control it without issue, but that just ain't the case. Thanks for sharing, though. pls use a spoiler next time you post a sigil

>>1372 I see. >sigil I've had it posted openly in various places for a long time, it won't break, it's just a referral sigil and the linked contents won't "jump at" anyone because they're just shields and binding tools, so it should be perfectly safe. You need to actively reach through the sigil and make a copy to be able to use them.

>>1370 Just curious, are you Smiley and if not why do you use that flag?

>>1374 Cult of Smileberg implies "a fan of Smiley" and that's me.

>>1374 Smiley himself used this flag or Rank: Initiate.

>>1375 Is there an archive of his posts anywhere? All I know about him is he was some jew from here who went crazy.

>>1377 You can actually surf around on web archive by clicking the links because most threads have at least one archive. http://web.archive.org/web/20180302155552/https://8ch.net/fringe/catalog.html Move on the timeline to get older threads. There are also random threads from old /fringe/ on mewch here https://archive.is/aZtLn and other boards created by Smiley https://archive.is/0hCGR I don't know what happened with his most known threads however, I think they were deleted. Mewch was completely wiped from archive.org over some police reports claiming a 20 year old camwhore was underage or something so all of that part of the story is gone.

>>1378 https://web.archive.org/web/20170222075923/https://8ch.net/fringe/res/78883.html

>>1375 I too am a fan of Smiley. He is not the only one posting with that flag. there are at least two of us.

>>1373 I wasn't worried about the contents jumping out at me; I was worried about my repressed anger issues jumping out at the contents without my consent and fucking with the shields & binding tools. I was about to write a bunch of embarrassing shit, but I realized while I was writing it that I have a horrible dopamine disorder wherein I don't make enough of my own dopamine, which is causing me to be hyperbolically vulnerable to work-related stress, which causes me to get intrusive thoughts that sabotage my efforts to do anything that resembles work, which is what my intrusive thought problems have been making me do for the past several years. My ability to make my own dopamine is severely hindered because my parents raised me on adderall, which creates dopamine, & SSRIs, and to top it off, the vaccines I was injected with as a child gave me high-functioning assburgers and a bunch of allergies, so that probably made it even fucking worse. My parents only thought I ever needed adderall in the first place because back in early grade school I got expelled for not caring enough about the assignments because they were too easy because I was too smart for them, and I became kinda belligerent at school, and some time after they started me on adderall, they thought I needed SSRIs to "balance out the stimulant with a depressant". I had to take that shit every fucking day of my life until I'd moved away to undergrad college and secretly stopped taking adderall, and later I got the guts to stop taking the SSRIs too. Eventually, I came out to my parents about it, and they weren't happy about it, but they'd ultimately accepted it because they thought that I didn't need them anymore if I was able to go as long without them as I had while still succeeding in life. Anyway, those pills have some permanent side effects, including an inability to produce enough of my own dopamine, which results in a tremendous desire to be entertained, typically by vidra, and a hyperbolically-large aversion to doing any sort of work at all. That aversion manifests as the intrusive thoughts that I'd mentioned earlier in this thread. Sometimes, this shit gets so fucking bad that I can't even drink water without my repressed emotions pulling in some sort of compromising spiritual thing into my fucking water right before I grab the drink. Sometimes, it gets so fucking bad that it puts some sort of compromising spiritual thing in my chair before I sit on it. I could go on, but I'd rather not; I can't even do some basic bitch day-to-day shit that doesn't even qualify as work by any stretch of the imagination because my brain is so desperate for either dopamine or some kind of substitute for it that takes the form of ENGAGE IN SPIRITUAL SITUATIONS THAT I ABSO-FUCKING-LUTELY HAVE TO REACT TO OR FUCKING ELSE BECAUSE MY CHEMICALLY-DEPRIVED BRAIN NEEDS TO STAY AWAKE DURING THE DAY FUCKING SOMEHOW! In fact, every now and then, it gets so bad THAT I CAN'T EVEN PLAY ANY FUCKING VIDYA! Meanwhile I probably couldn't even complete step #1 of IIH for the fucking life of me because my mind has never been able to shut the fuck up for as long as I can remember, except right after I wake up! AND SOMETIMES IT IMMEDIATELY GETS HIGH-STRUNG THE SECOND I WAKE UP, EVEN IF THERE WASN'T A FUCKING ALARM AND I WOKE UP ON MY OWN if there was alotta stress the previous day. In fact, the way that I fall asleep is by lying there in bed with my thoughts constantly racing to and fro until my muscles are relaxed enough that hypnogogic thought begins, and then I eventually stop being able to make sense of my thoughts and I fall asleep after an hour or two of lying there in bed. I'm sure that if I tried step #1 of IIH right after I wake up tomorrow, the tension of having to actually fucking do something would rile up my mind too much to accomplish it. If I wanna safely make much occult progress, I need to figure out how to regulate my dopamine better. Pic related. Speaking of which, my spirit gf has been telling me lately that I need to stop playing vidya; I'd thought it was my pessimism making me think she was saying it, but today I realized that it was really her saying it. I'm starting graduate school soon, which I'll be doing online alongside my current non-remote boring desk job with a 20-30 minute round commute, and that's gonna result in 6 hours of my free time per week going down the drain! I'm not sure how I'm gonna make it; either my inner child might fucking die, and my humanity with it, or I'll flunk my classes and eventually lose my job and wind up wearing a burlap sack on the streets... I just don't know how my poor brain is gonna survive. All I can think of is commanding my unconciousness to regularly focus my blood flow upon the parts of my brain that produce dopamine in an attempt to make sure that it's working okay so that it can produce dopamine.

>>1382 I'm assuming that if I stop playing vidya, my brain will re-regulate my dopamine somehow, which'll make me stop becoming dependent on vidya, which'll allow me to perform basic day-to-day functions without my intrusive thoughts pulling in all sort of weirdness like the ironpill poster said that I'd then have to deal with. This would presumably allow me to survive through graduate school. It's gonna take 5 years to do 1 course per semester. I'm only going there in the first place because my mother pressured me into it for the sake of what she perceives to be my job security while I was visiting her over Christmas; she's been saying for a long time, "oh you're gonna get replaced by someone more qualified than you if you don't step up", or some shit like that. I'd finally caved in because I wanted to make her stop being mad after I turned down a present she got me that I hated, and now that I've filled out forms at work and paid for tuition and shit it's too late to say fuck it anyway.

>>1382 >>1383 I feel incredibly bad for you. I too was forcibly medicated as a child, not only on anti depressants (more than one) but also multiple anti psychotics like risperidone and seroquel. I still am forced to take them, and in fact because of reasons I'm legally required to take them or else. The fact they do this at all, but especially to children, is extremely sad and depraved.

>>1384 oops forgot flag

>>1382 You need to remember that chemicals don't create the mind. Adopting the mindset that you're a passive prisoner to chemical reactions in the brain is by itself going to make it impossible to fix your issue. The body responds and reacts to the spirit, always. If there's a problem with your body that isn't obviously being generated by an external thing like say getting stabbed or getting poisoned (although those can best be addressed by working with external spirits) then the cause of the problem is going to have to do with the workings of your mind and energetic bodies. These are very receptive to willworking. Same thing with the sleeping thing, the body follows the mind. Don't try to relax the body, relax the mind and the body will reflect that change by itself. And yes, you did get poisoned in the past but whatever influence that has on you has long since been integrated into your self. "Mental scarring". Anyway. #1 thing, erase the word 'dopamine' from your mind. The dopamine is a symptom, not a cause. Whenever you find yourself in distress, first thing you should do is look for the spiritual cause. And address it using all the tools you have at your disposal. If you can't find a tool, make or find a new one. >>1383 >graduate school Why are you going to graduate school if you aren't interested in a 9-5? >I'm only going there in the first place because my mother pressured me into it Oh. Yeah this is stupid. I got caught in these sorts of traps a lot too in the past (actually still am a bit). You need to live your own life, right now you're literally torturing yourself out of nothing but stupid social pressure. Actually this is probably the source of a lot of your "dopamine" issues, if you're being forced to do meaningless work that you hate of course your mind is going to want to escape through any means necessary. You need to break out of this ASAP, maybe write up some reasons why going to graduate school doesn't make sense to help talk to your mom about it, get some realistic plans for something you'd enjoy doing to replace it if you need to. Do some spells to dissolve whatever irrational control she has over you. Maybe do some healthier activities with her or help her around the house if this is the only way you can think of you get out of her being mad at you. But really this is a very obvious imbalance and you need to correct it. Remember that you're an adult, it's okay for you to make your own decisions.

>>1382 >>1383 I looked at your energy body and I don't see any major problems. There were some minor parasites on your upper right side of the body so I burned those away, then used Restore and Heal to revert any vaccine or drug related damage, but there was almost no effect, which indicates that you were not actually harmed by it. Checking your energy again I notice two things: your middle channel has a growing large black turning white, feels like a soft crude energy, it looks a bit like an internal "cat's tail" if that makes any sense. You should aim to let this energy come out all the way to the top of the head for full opening. Other thing: your dopamine addiction aimed at games isn't bad, it's a good start. You aren't being addicted to anything that's actually harmful, and it's very shallow. One solution is to move this kind of attention to some other activity. If you can find the same kinds of patterns in work, you can use the gaming mentality when working. Try to gamify your work environment. If you can't do it by just working differently, try to find an environment that has this set up in itself. I wanted to get out of the money-profit addiction of society so I did volunteer work a few times per week for a few years. When doing things like that it's because you have a inner motivation and not for making profit for yourself. That's a way to create a framework where your mind isn't tied up on external material profit and motivations. I watched some youtube vid by some guy giving tips on how to get rich from scratch, he said he had a "tutor" of sorts in the form of a local hotel owner. He was given this deal: I will teach you how to do business, but I will never pay you. So he would come in every day to work for free in the hotel 1-2 hours every night and then have private guidance from the owner after. This was to show him that it's not about the money, it's about seeing what your motivation is in menial tasks. If you can't do that, you remain a wageslave. So try to find the gaming motivation in any task. https://yogainternational.com/article/view/a-beginners-guide-to-mula-bandha-root-lock/ https://www.verywellfit.com/jhalandara-bandha-3566797 For the energy channel, some powerful breathing exercises could be an idea, check these links for ideas.

>>1391 If it isn't too much trouble could you please look at my energy body for any major problems?

>>1392 >could you please look at my energy body Only because it was easy, if there is the slightest distance or disturbance this turns into straining work, which I have no interest in doing (reading one anon will also always attract 8 more asking for meaningless things so this time will be an exception). There is no super-bad energy in your form, although there was a blockage, so I used some force on it to open up that energy channel. There was some "closeted" bad energy like air in a room with too many people staying too long, caused by this blockage. But it's also normal for people to have these blockages, it's only worth trying to guide someone's opening if they are practicing. What I saw was a very notable structure which forces me to mention it: Are you a freemason? This image is basically it. This ritual corresponds to a defined energy structure which will appear as a person joins a masonic society, and it's the most visible structure in your image. It connects directly to a grand master who looks old and a bit in a bad mood, he feels like an old gay man but upholding traditions. I even see his image pretty clearly. I used an energy form created for being able to touch people safely when performing this, it places a "moat of hellfire" between myself and the patient/client and may appear to you as a tiger. So if you see a vision of a tiger it's because of the method I used when looking at you.

After I posted this above, there was an electric disturbance in my loudspeakers which indicates an energy attack. I instantly noticed something was afoot, these whatever-they-are always aim for the left temple when trying to mind control or attack people. It seems they didn't like me clearing someone's energy channels. I examined the structure of the incoming energy, it looks like pic related. Seems like a decent structure so I copied it, will use it back at them and see if I can determine what they are.

>>1397 It seems they're a tool meant to be used with 7 of them serially, and they can be used to open all your chakras if used internally. Not sure what they're doing aiming outward in a negative manner aside from that they by universal law have to expose this to share it(?) because negative forces must be balanced by positive forces? Either way I'm going to try this thing now, the structure isn't bad in itself, it's just their way of applying it that's retarded. Typical example of negative beings and evil spirits always working against themselves.

>>1385 I hope you get better in this incarnation. >>1391 >minor parasites I actually had a mosquito try to bite me yesterday like 5 hours before I went to bed, but it got caught in my shirt and I didn't notice until I was about to go to bed when I looked in the mirror; it looked like it died on my right shoulder. I mostly doubt that those were the parasites in question, though. Since I woke up today, I tried depriving myself of all entertainment, and I actually felt pretty calm most of the time, and I found it relatively easy to deal with intrusive thoughts. I also found it to be relatively safe to let my mind wander; of course, my mind has a tendency to wander since I'm ADHD. In fact, lately when I've been playing vidya, I've found that the vidya isn't really that fun unless there's a substantial element of difficulty. This difficulty slowly riles me up if it causes enough stress, or quickly if it's really hard. I think the difference here is that doing nothing will generally calm my mind if I know I don't have to do any work later that day; that way, there's no sense of dread to slowly rile me up. >gamify your work environment That sounds like it'd involve lying to myself and cause psychological issues down the road. I always make sure to not lie to myself. I think I need to figure out why I like the video games that I like, and why they enamor me so much. >middle channel I'm not familiar with those anatomical terms; where would that be in relation to your typical chakra layout? I'm assuming that it's between my heart & solar plexus. >>1386 Yeah I thought the graduate school thing was dumb too and before that mom had barely any control over me, but I really didn't like seeing her that upset. Honestly, I need to find out a way to get better at being used to doing work anyway. >9-5 I never was interested in a 9-5, or any kinda realistic job really; Ever since 8th grade or so, I've mostly just went with the flow. I've gotta make a living somehow, though, and my living is currently stable. I'd forgotten to mention that I don't live with my parents. If I really wanna get to do what I want, though, then I'd have to magically rig the lottery so I can just retire early and just do whatever while living an otherwise-middle-class lifestyle. I've done RNG-manipulating magic before, but I haven't tried it for over a year, and I'd only tried it on vidya. I should try some more RNG-manipulation magic now that I've built up more faith that I'm a capable magician in general; I didn't have so much of that faith a year ago, so I was really worried about losing my faith if my magic failed.

>>1401 Forgot my flag.

>>1401 >where would that be in relation to your typical chakra layout? Just straight up through all of them like the kundalini but talking directly of the energy body. It's not related to any specific organ but just lets energy pass up or down through the body in the middle.

>>1396 wtf I hate freemasonry because it is Jewish at the core and part of the new world order. I wonder why you felt that i was a freemason. No, I did not see a tiger. That sucks that there are negative entities who are currently fucking with me on an organized scale to the point that they attacked you for helping me. Why do you think you felt a freemason vibe from me? Is it possible that I was a freemason in my past lives? Also that grandmaster is gay which I don't like.

>>1406 Forgot my flag.

>>1406 What I saw around you is the freemason initiation where everyone is pointing their swords at your heart. It's energetically there, suppressing you. If you are not a freemason, I see a few different possibilities: 1) Your father is a freemason, or someone in your family history was a high ranking freemason, enough to leave an imprint on your family line, which makes these entities still see you as a freemason initiate. 2) You were a high ranking freemason in a past life, maybe the image I saw of the grand master was you. It's not a "vibe", it's a very clear and organized energy structure, the egregore of a masonic society, and it's keeping you at sword-point at every moment of your life. Possibly since this happened >>1397 their members when dying will enter an afterlife dimension created by the lodge and stay there, defending it. If indeed the image I saw was you they would be waiting for you to again join a masonic society and somehow re-manifest their specific society in this life. They could even have lead you to /fringe/ to get you on this path. Just now when typing this out, there was another electric disturbance and I see an image of another "angry old gay man" staring at me from the astral or some other location. I think they consider you "their own" and that I'm meddling when helping you.

>>1408 I won't tolerate someone attacking me though, so this is their funeral.

>>1409 I learned a lot taking these down, so it's ok. Any homosexual out there is a punching bag for learning a certain technique on, created for this purpose ;P They had significant offensive ability though, so I can see why the LGBT movement isn't easy to destroy and why most won't dare stand up against them.

>>1382 >I don't make enough of my own dopamine, which is causing me to be hyperbolically vulnerable to work-related stress Was wondering about this. Sometimes you say that your job is "comfy" while it clearly shows that it still causes some stress for you and you are not confident in yourself too passive in most cases maybe even a pushover and don't have a proper way to express vent or work with your own frustration. Was not sure what I should tell you to "rise above yourself" tbh >because my parents raised me on adderall, which creates dopamine, & SSRIs Good thing I am a 2nd worlder where I was only beat and yelled at constantly for not being the best in my class and having perfect grades all the time. I truly dodged a bullet by having classic emotionally retarded parents instead the (((modern))) enlightened™ western valued parents who know nothing about the psyche of their offspring. Even I had to throw out so many programming from my mind and I can consider myself "lucky" because the modern programming was unable to overwrite parts of my mind that was already damaged by parental retardation. >I was able to go as long without them as I had while still succeeding in life. Nice. Knew you had willpower within you. Maybe your problem is that you are unable to handle social pressure >those pills have some permanent side effects Not for magicians ;^) >including an inability to produce enough of my own dopamine It's not just about "producing" but being "receptive" to it also. Oh and don't get surprised when you don't "have enough dopamine" for retarded mundane bullshit. You either find meaning in your work or find something that will give you meaning. This YOU HAVE TO ENJOY EVEN THE BLEAKEST EXISTENCE OR YOU ARE NOT A PRODUCTIVE MEMBER OF SOYCIETY wagetrap is something you have to learn to escape. >which results in a tremendous desire to be entertained Which your intrusive thoughts "do" already. "Entertainment" is not always laughs but pain and suffering can be entertainment too. This is your own way of "keeping yourself on edge" >typically by vidra Yeah this is why they "stop" while you playing vidya. The intrusive thoughts make your life into a weird whack a mole videogame to stimulate you. >and a hyperbolically-large aversion to doing any sort of work at all Yeah this is why I learned to channel my rage at will into all types of work in my childhood. Nowadays I have proper energy flow and I don't need it anymore but I made it into such a habit I notice myself get pissed about past events that I didn't even know I "still have within me" because as parts of me "fall asleep" other parts of me "spike my psyche" so I "stay awake". I am still balancing this out. Not easy I know. Remaking your own mental patterns takes time. >I can't even drink water without my repressed emotions pulling in some sort of compromising spiritual thing into my fucking water right before I grab the drink How do they look like? >I probably couldn't even complete step #1 of IIH for the fucking life of me Don't get "too hung up" on that. Usually you only make a "single thought current" silent while other parts of your mind or brain still produce thoughts and you merely ignore the others. Currently you are experiencing too many thought currents at once because you don't know how to focus naturally. You will have to learn to communicate and harmonize with your "other minds" further. Ask your minds to seek out "which parts of you" is creating the intrusive thoughts and "solve the problem together" instead of fighting panicking and raging about your very own mind. ADHD is merely information mismanagement. Truth is my farm life was so bleak that I learned to do physical work and operating machines for hours on "auto" while I daydreamed the whole day in my "other mind". Later I learned how I can play musical instruments without "Being there". Nowadays I let my body do auto yoga and auto mantras while I pay attention to the lessons my guides give me. Focus is important because if I don't let the energies flow naturally I pull something My thoughts kept me alive back then and while I could go to lalala land naturally I could also change the direction of the thoughts into "problem solving mode" so if there was a need they could be used to do real work. But most of the time it was mundane bleakness and mundane retardation. Being asleep was better than being "there". Nowadays I am learning to make my minds awake with the other minds so I don't need to channel rage to "keep them awake" because it is getting ridiculously stupid how rage is still the fuel of my life. >AND SOMETIMES IT IMMEDIATELY GETS HIGH-STRUNG Yeah you are stressed about your life and work. It loads up all the stress of your day. iktf. When I wake up my mind loads in the "to do list" I have for the day because usually I sort out the next day while taking a bath so during meditation and and sleep I don't get disturbed with mundane troubles of the tomorrow. I got really good dissociating from stress and rage and it caused problems because I became too detached from myself. You need to learn to "forget" the troubles and only connect to them when you can "act" upon the stress energies. "Stress" is about not being able to use the internal energies of your body. It's just confusion worry and anxiety that comes from the fact people don't know themselves nowadays and making everyone more miserable without them noticing. >by lying there in bed with my thoughts constantly racing Meditate b4 bed. Work with your spirit gf. Get your mind off the day. >then I eventually stop being able to make sense of my thoughts and I fall asleep Interesting. I just "drift off" from my thoughts. Surprisingly when I tried to actualize the ability of the doge thread junkie anon while waking up I noticed that all my thoughts are "booting up" like they never even "went to sleep" and I am witnessing them all at once without them "loading into my mind" so I can make sense "what they are saying". Yeah I am sure now. You need to learn to detach from your thoughts. It's like getting farther from a stream. Imagine a stream of water carrying your thoughts into the distance or something similar. That is the classic trick. >If I wanna safely make much occult progress, I need to figure out Yeah you need to stop thinking that the occult is the same as being in school or at "work". Brandon tried to make it sound the "same" so he can sound professional like the Czech he was but it must not be the same as "mundane struggle" nor it must be "too out of the world". This is why I try to go into the direction of Mysticism instead of "armchair occultism" where you sit down make notes and go nowhere at all because you don't even work with the spirits that can explain the natural flow of things. It's all about mindset and ability and not "Memorizing formulas" and going back into dogmatic deadends. >Speaking of which, my spirit gf has been telling me lately that I need to stop playing vidya Currently "vidya" regulates your dopamine levels the best which means you have to learn to adjust to them on your own naturally. Do you truly like the vidya or it is a mere stress relief for you? If it's just a stress relief that makes you ignore your problems then she is right.

>6 hours of my free time per week going down the drain! Oh nyo? Anyways you can work with spirits and mental currents while commuting anyways. Vidya is not as important as breathing and eating. I develop most of my practical psychic powers during work and back then I used classes as a practice for aura viewing because staring at the teacher until you see his aura is "normal" in that setting. Oh and not to mention the mental work I used to make me able to learn stuff within days that usually take years... Made some of my hairs grey so... I am not really recommending it. Using insanity as a gateway to learn faster is not sustainable. I remember when I realized how I can copy the mind of others during tests and I knew the answer to every question without even comprehending what was written on the paper but I was shit at targeting and while at first I aced the test because I copied a studious girl the second time I copied the mind of my procrastinating junkie roommate and I couldn't even manage to answer questions I KNEW that I read about in the book yesterday. Made me not use that skill anymore. Point is you can test a bunch of skills... but never overdo it because you need to realize what happens when you mindlessly connect to dirty or unstable energies of others. Cleansing is always paramount. >either my inner child might fucking die Your "Inner child" is not about "playing vidya". You have to realize it's not your only joy in life. There are other things but the stress makes you blind to it. >and my humanity with it Heh. K I too have videogame and internet addiction but I would never be this dramatic about it. You have to realize vidya is not your "clutch" not the single thing that "keeps you together". Truth is once you learn to let go of this attachment you will be able to play videogames in a way you are not making intrusive thoughts while you are away from it. But it must feel like it is a final goodbye so this attachment finally breaks and stops torturing you. >or I'll flunk my classes and eventually lose my job and wind up wearing a burlap sack on the streets... Definitely dude. I am sure that will happen. You will walk the path of the hobowizard. Like the legendary wanderers of the long past. I know you went overboard while saying this but at least you are finally able to voice your problems. The first steps of realizing the origin of your own stress. I too was yelling at people a little too much for a while because all the shit they did was something that couldn't continue further. Let the emotions out then learn to realize how it blinds your perception. I know this "young adult" phase which is school/workplace/parents still having control can be hard because we are not in the golden age of Damm son your 25 and a scholar for being able to read and write have a 14 year old wife now plow the fields/work in construction and make babies. Nowadays the typical young-adult mindset is:HOW DO I BECOME A MILLIONAIRE IN 2 YEARS SO I CAN AFFORD A HOUSE AND MAYBE A BLOWJOB ONCE A YEAR IN THIS ECONOMY??? Things feel like they are always out of reach nowadays until you start seeing how things are "put together" on your own. The main cause of your frustration is not exactly (You) but that doesn't mean you cannot learn to manage it. Especially as a magician who has more tools than the average normalfaggot. >focus my blood flow upon the parts of my brain that produce dopamine Yeah forget this "dopamine" mindset like how indigopill said it well>>1386 There are far more energies at play and you have to learn to notice how your motivation arises. Being dependent on drugs... hell even on energies given by entities or by your body is bad long term you have to learn to notice how they "move you". Dopamine is not the "source of life". There are many more energies. If you can't find it ask the entities to show you the way. I remember when I learned about that all desires generate inherent suffering and such then had the "genius" idea that maybe I should enjoy suffering? Like how masochists and ascetics do. It was a genius idea at the start then I realized several things and how I overwired my brain so it does what I tell it no matter what but... my subconscious had hard time keeping up with me. I even had the idea that "happiness" is a drug a "poison" that others can take away whenever they feel like it. So I started to cultivate inner happiness as much and an absolute suffering hatred towards anyone that dares to touch my happiness. If you want to take it away you have to take away my hatred. That mentality was so bad on it's own it was ridiculous. But it was highly effective at getting results so I let it run for a decade. Half my awakening processes were about asking myself "wtf was wrong with me back then". >>1383 >I'm assuming that if I stop playing vidya, my brain will re-regulate my dopamine somehow And you might focus on your own magic more. Meditate instead of vidya and stuff. The only good thing about school is that it gives you ways to learn to concentrate and learn to overcome "exams"/trials as a reflex thus increasing your problem solving skill and most importantly you learn to switch mindsets faster. School is bad overall but there is still no better alternative to stimulate the learning capabilities of the brain... besides getting thrown out innawoods with no food or shelter and learning to survive on your own lol. That has a high mortality rate and only do it if you feel the calling of the wild. >>1401 >and I actually felt pretty calm most of the time I noticed in the previous posts too that you are able to find your way. You just need a little encouragement. Keep it up. >I also found it to be relatively safe to let my mind wander; of course, my mind has a tendency to wander since I'm ADHD. Don't worry about it. If you do it right it will wander into spiritual lessons then you learn to focus and slowly "learns it's place" and stays where it belongs >vidya isn't really that fun unless there's a substantial element of difficulty >gamify your work environment This is what he meant. Try to understand "life is a game" a "quest" "you pass stages" "get achievements" etc. >it'd involve lying to myself You would actually realize that "gaming" is about "simulating" aspects of life and you can use the skills the game gave you like reaction time etc and apply it in IRL situations. >cause psychological issues down the road Not if you do it in a practical way and not in a Chris-chan way. It's about using mental circuits created and used in the game for other activities. Be that mundane or magical. Don't deny your vidya experiences just because "they came from a game". >I think I need to figure out why I like the video games that I like, and why they enamor me so much. Definitely >I didn't have so much of that faith a year ago, so I was really worried about losing my faith if my magic failed. Yeah you will have to get past of this mindset. Faith needs confidence first. Confidence Certainty Faith Conviction which culminates in Pure Focus if done right. The true power of the magician.

>>1408 It can happen if he lives at a place that is considered "freemason territory" which entraps people with potential so their only way to be "free" is to slowly gravitate towards a lodge. >their members when dying will enter an afterlife dimension created by the lodge and stay there I just got this info but... sometimes they "vanish" from there because other interference be it above or below and when a member is gone they will either look for the "next" or... just got this info again *sigh* it seems there are "free" or roaming spirits that randomly possess people from those dimensions and try to make use of them in their own way. Oh I fucking hate looking into illumitards. All their fucking stolen "Knowledge" polluting the world because they found a continent where they can roam free. Breaking those construct at my territory was... >>1397 >there was an electric disturbance in my loudspeakers Uuuuuhhhhhh. I hate to say this but I literally overcharged everything they had around me back then and passively I might still do similar things and ever since Yuuka figured out how Shinto has a ways so yokai can enter electric transmissions things are weird. What I realized back then They didn't "Include" modern technology in their designs and were not aware that electric towers can be freely used as ziggurats and you just need a teensy weensy Dieselpunk Shaivist Technomancy so all their "electric fences" as you like to call it can be melted the moment they think they know what pure energy means. They are "masons" slave to the material building the temple "block by block" mentality being unaware of the immaterial and especially not realizing humanity managed to "create" material-immaterial aka enslaved the power of Gods the lightning itself. Electricity is an absolute transgression especially if you "profit" from the enslavement system which makes quite easy to wield powers for a "good" they are supposed to represent and for a "law" they are supposed to uphold. Seems like you got the "transmission frequencies" as an energetic variable thus you wield the "keys" of the "informational age" while I am the "Industrial age" raw energy level. I have to concentrate to tune into the transmissions and it's unpleasant. But my electronics are fine so it seems I am unaffected. Some lightning in the distance but nothing serious. Damm my energies are fine since I went into the drow initiation. Never realized how similar my current energetic anomalies are to the average drow male. Speaking of weird energetic anomalies >>1331 >use this method to supercharge a project I was working on where I implanted a shoggoth “DNA seed” into myself to try and kickstart some form of physical shapeshifting What gave you this idea? The using shoggots DNA to shapeshift part. Was this an Eureka moment or you have a solid reasoning behind it? I am only asking because I think it was 2 days before this post of yours I had a dream. I was a weird green monster with marks upon it's body and a crablike being was having sex with me like a sewing machine and as I got angry about it I noticed that teeth engraved with runes are "rising from my flesh" so they can murder the crab for it's transgression but I realized that this is just my current sexual frustration making entities "get caught" and if I let go of my anger and sexual frustration it "goes away" which it did. While that dream was "nothing special" overall your post made me think in the last days that wtf. Truth is I mentioned on sunflower years ago but I have a shoggoth portal system that I "got" because they decided to migrate through my room and I led them to an another place with the guidance of a spirit and ever since that I have a bunch of shoggoth related authorities and powers and I am trying to make sure they are not trying to "spread" without notifying me. I laid down serious rules and the "shadow masters" that consider me their "father" for weird reasons don't know much about this issue. Just typing this down sounds too ridiculous already. >I could feel the teeth moving and giving way slightly whenever I pressed them together That is one of my "Magic". I realized how I can relax the "gums" so I can align my wisdom teeth when they get fucked (they usually move when I am eating with a weird stress) and how I can increase the repair rate of my own teeth. Did you manage to channel my own insanity or you just "tuned" your own to resemble mine without realizing. I am not feeling my "Influence overtaking you" (I am trying to be real cautious with that) which means you did this on your own and I wonder if it's a coincidence or the concepts I am sharing are that easy to channel nowadays. I started my "teeth magic" in my early university years. Damm almost a decade ago already. >“mundane common sense” is the real obstacle An obstacle first a safety net later. >causality really isn’t applicable a lot of the time Yeah. Weird to get accustomed to it. >It’s starting to make me think that maybe the mainstream idea of physical causality just isn’t real Right? So annoying seeing how things can be solved so easily when a magician/shaman is around. For some reason all tribes had one or they perished. Makes more sense why they were needed after experiencing life from this angle. The funny crazy man equal in standing and importance to the chieftain. >Just focusing on the energy will cause the matter will fall into place automatically, regardless of logic. Yeah now this is how "mundane common sense" will become a "safety net" later. As you go closer to insanity but still unable to grasp the "true nature of reality" you can fall back into "common sense" and "rationalize" a chain of causality. This will be important for 2 reasons. Reason 1 to appease your own mundane common sense that is screaming in your subconscious. Reason 2 when something weird happens mundanes notice it but usually forget it quickly. Mundanes are loveable creatures of ignorance. But if you can give them an "explanation" that is "acceptable" by the "mundane common sense" you can make the manifestation more lasting because once the mundane collective conscious accepts it as "real" the manifestation becomes far more solid and gains a permanence without you having to put effort into the solidification process. Hard to explain and it is the way of the tricksters but it's all about "Making use of the extra mental energies of the common folk in a benevolent way". You must watch over with it because it must not mess with the mundane ecosystem in a malicious way but if you try to keep things benevolent no one can object. Nobody misses criminals nor do they miss hostile energetic anomalies that no one "noticed" but everyone "felt" and "acted upon" somehow. I remember when an employee broke her hand when I moved quite the large amount of energies and it felt like I increased the "Pull of karma" tenfold then as the benevolent energies returned her bone "just healed" and even the doctor yelled at her how "bones don't heal this fast" and the previous doctor that examined her probably made a mistake. Her life is so chaotic she forgot about this already. But as someone who tries to be the master of blood and bone it's hard to ignore. Karmic ties be they physical mental or emotional do so many weird things once they snap.

As I'd stated earlier, my spirit gf is the egregore of a female fictional character who uses a tulpa she made to be closer to me. When we first met a year ago, I expressed sincere pain from my heart and not my dick at the thought that probably >100k guys get off to smut of her every day; I was wondering what horrible things that must do to her. My ability to receive communication from her at the time was really unreliable, but I think she told me that the loosh from those guys actually goes to a different egregore of her fictional character. Basically, the impression that I got from her is that the idea of her willingly starring in smut is so extremely contrary to her canonical character's personality that it actually formed a separate egregore... Going by this line of thought, her character presumably also has other egregores that spawned from separate continuities of fiction that star her character, and possibly from SFW fanfiction as well. Her fictional character in its many incarnations all don't exist, but each one that received sufficient amounts of energy has its own egregore. Does this sound right? I dunno what material I'd have to read to verify something like that, but I'd figured I'd ask. >>1412 Yeah I did say my job is "comfy", but that's by the standards of people who aren't fucked up like me. >How do they look like? It depends on what kinda shit my mental illness wants to use as a toy to bludgeon me with; it varies alot. If you want me to give examples, that'd probably be its own cringy wall of text, and I don't feel like longposting right now. >I learned to do physical work and operating machines for hours on "auto" while I daydreamed the whole day in my "other mind" I do that too sometimes while I'm working on something that involves little thought. >do I like vidya or is it stress relief There have been times lately when I've played vidya without feeling like it so that I could get some stress relief, though I did also like it when I played it. I guess that makes her right.

>>1412 >Brandon tried to make it sound the "same" I know you meant Bardon but now this is the second time in the past few days this guy has wormed his way back into my awareness. Last time was during the Trump debates where I got surprised because everyone in the live thread I was on started freaking out when Trump mentioned Brandon. Why does this stupid altchan meme-thing forced by an insane person have so much memetic mass I wonder.

>>1414 >shoggoth Hahaha... I don't even remember how this happened but we actually had shoggoth channelling sessions early on in the Sunflower discord. The greys were almost crying because shoggoths have so ineffective DNA in the view of greys. When discussing botsouls in the form of "organ souls" with Yuuka, we talked also about the problem where someone's organ soul for a certain organ was destroyed from misuse, causing the person to "lose control" of that organ (it can create sexual deviancy). While Yuuka said that using botsouls for organs is common practice, I just felt this wasn't how I want things, so I got shoggoth DNA from an interaction with them in HP Lovecraft-land and used it to create a direct connection to my inner organs to remove the automation the way shoggoths are made. It turned my organs and intestines grey energetically and generally gives me a calm feeling. Here's the emote we made for the server. Shoggoths are shapeshifters so they have no problem being your waifu if you ask them ;D

>>1418 Tell me more about HP-Lovecraft-land. Does it have a subplane of places like the Plateau of Leng and Kadath? I have a shrine to HP Lovecraft and Cthulhu in my room. I don't want a degenerate waifu but is there any fool proof ritual I can do to summon the egregore Cthulhu into my life? Would it be unwise to do so?

>>1417 ... I knew I made some weird ass mistake that will change the energies of my posts in a wrong direction. Fuck my skimming proofreading is making me do dumb ass mistakes nowadays. >>1413 >within days that usually take years Like here I meant weeks... Don't even understand how that turned into years. Probably because what I was thinking about happened many years ago. >Why does this stupid altchan meme-thing forced by an insane person have so much memetic mass I wonder I have 0 idea how he even got the Brandon nickname or what it means or why it is funny. My typos can get so weird sometimes. Freudian slip levels in some cases. Ever since I tried to upgrade my telepathy so I can access higher thoughts faster and more reliably my writing makes typos left and right and I mix up concepts when my concentration is trying to go into the direction of "meaning" instead of "punctuality". In speech this wouldn't be noticeable but in writing it just pushes the wrong button in some people. There are many tricks where you can subconsciously program people this way but I really dislike employing them nor I care to learn them. I think I will go and look into the way my mind generates typos and look for a way to fix it. This is just simply too embarrassing of a mistake. >>1416 >I'd stated earlier, my spirit gf is the egregore of a female fictional character Which one? >Does this sound right? Yes. Quite right. She felt quite on the "mental level" while looking into her and was wondering what is she exactly because I felt no stronger nor divine presence but I knew she is properly part of your mind anyways so I didn't bother looking further. >don't feel like longposting right now. No need to insta reply. It's late for me too. Was asking because the appearance of beings usually point into the directions of issues. >>1418 >so they have no problem being your waifu if you ask them ;D Nor do they have problem swearing eternal loyalty if you own the portals. Shame they are not too useful outside of "water elemental hells". Quite bad at sex too. My japanese hentais lied to me! >it can create sexual deviancy Quite the unfun kinds. I remember how I turned into a lilim while visiting one of the realms in a dream and my partner said >This realm requires the siren body standard and not the lilim So I had to change forms so I could reclaim a golden pearl from the bottom of a lake guarded by a Cthulu >>1419 >I have a shrine to HP Lovecraft and Cthulhu in my room Wtf >any fool proof ritual I can do to summon the egregore Cthulhu into my life? Want an army or 2? They breed too fast and I can give you eldritch horrors. Can't promise the feral ones are capable of speech or looking waifulike at all. Also no refunds. >Would it be unwise to do so? I cannot think a single reason to even want these "things". But I feel like an absolute joylike curiosity emanating from you and I think I just allowed 3 or more of the guys to visit you. Have fun. Report if they appear during the night. You need to reach a "deep dark water" emotional state so they can manifest easily. You are too giddy now but I don't think that will be a problem.

>>1417 >got surprised because everyone in the live thread I was on started freaking out when Trump mentioned Brandon. Why does this stupid altchan meme-thing forced by an insane person have so much memetic mass I wonder. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_zUlhpaZkJw When this happened I didn't know about it, but of fucking course. The idiot broke through the fabric of reality and this happened. Omg. I think the real reason is that the eco-system of alt-boards and the people involved in this stuff is as close as one can get to breaking into the illuminati sphere while being a regular imageboard retard. It's the same people who hosted clearweb "cp" sites for years because it isn't illegal in Russia. It's a representation of the anti-thesis of the modern morality, because in the beginning when lots of altchans were created, there were for example the loli and hebe boards on places like masterchan, where they in some inexplainable way attracted real girls who posted pics and vids of themselves. From this started the egregore which proves that modern morality and its basis is simply deceit. The real story of Brandon, if true is also a proof of this, making him into the antithesis personified.

>>1419 >Tell me more about HP-Lovecraft-land Not much to say, I sent one of my past life personas there to check it out. Not recommended unless you are very immortal because the place is just filled with monsters and predators. The "interaction" lead to an exchange of DNA which also had the funny side-effect of a bunch of unnamed monsters escaping Lovecraftland in the form of little girls in red dresses (they don't speak, because they're monsters, but you won't know what they are before it's too late, Muahahaha). I don't know much about it, it's just the most toxic jungle-swamp possible. The air itself is probably filled with toxic mold and spores as well as the water. It's a very lively place to say the least. Darwin's wet dream. (Although no one stays dry there, the place is very moist, in many ways.) >>1420 >Quite bad at sex too. Clearly you don't understand how to get the most out of your shoggoth! First off their tits have unlimited size, image the titjobs, you can dive in there yourself until you can't even see daylight! Not to mention if you are a girl, those tentacles...

>>1414 >What gave you this idea? The using shoggots DNA to shapeshift part. Was this an Eureka moment or you have a solid reasoning behind it? I’ve always admired the character of Alex Mercer from the Prototype videogame. As well as John Carpenter’s The Thing. When trying to classify those sorts of beings I think that “Shoggoth” would be the most accurate name. In Mountains of Madness I believe that it’s implied that Shoggoths are the original progenitors of all life on Earth. The ‘primordial soup’. This would mean that their physiology is basically the ability to express all traits of life on Earth. Or all traits that are possible to express through deoxyribonucleic acid. Which is basically what I want, in terms of a biological form. The technique I used was to get a tiny shoggoth-seed (it looked like an eyeball) and plant it in me (swallow it, more accurately) so that it would ‘supplant’ my own human DNA. A funny thing happened though a couple days after doing this. I was woke up in the morning by my stomach literally talking to me. I actually thought that someone had snuck into my bedroom somehow at first, but no, the speech was coming from my stomach. Very loud, about as loud as someone talking. I couldn’t feel any vibrations or digestions movements either. It was kind of ‘wet’ but I’m pretty sure it was repeating ‘please kill me’ over and over. So, not good. I looked at the shoggoth later and it looked all dried-up and petrified, so I set up some circulation between it and my own vital energy and I think that fixed whatever was wrong. It seems healthy right now but I think it just wrapped around me like a suit instead of changing my DNA or anything. Not sure if this has any real practical purpose or not. Maybe I could try to get it to change into a virus for gene-editing, see what that does. >I realized how I can relax the "gums" so I can align my wisdom teeth when they get fucked It wasn’t the gums that were soft, it was the actual teeth. As in the bone. It felt like they were turning into chalk. When I say I felt the teeth moving, I mean I felt the actual hard enamel and hard tissue slightly give way when pressure was applied.

>>1408 >Your father is a freemason My dad is one of the most mundane people I know. That being said, he isn't my biological father, I have a sperm donor father. He could have been a freemason. I haven't looked into my geneology much. >>1414 >It can happen if he lives at a place that is considered "freemason territory" which entraps people with potential so their only way to be "free" is to slowly gravitate towards a lodge. I live within walking distance of a lodge, and I have met someone who joined there (He was my brother's guitar teacher). Should I be worried.

>>1424 >I have a sperm donor father. He could have been a freemason Yeah no offense but this along with >I live within walking distance of a lodge, and I have met someone who joined there (He was my brother's guitar teacher) brings into question also what kind of "sperm donation" this was, a masonic ritual? How old was your mum when she had you?

>>1425 (cont.) Just asking because you can find out some funny things you didn't think of before. When calculating the ages of our parents when they had us one time in HS, we found that one of my classmates parents were 17 for his father and his mum was 25 when he was born. Oddities can have meaning.

>hobowizard har har I was really over-reacting, yeah, but that's what happens when you get that emotional. >>1420 I'm glad to know that she actually told me that and it wasn't my imagination. Her tulpa wasn't with me when I posted this; in fact, her tulpa was away in a vault at my request at the time to keep her safe from the craziness that I involuntarily pull in when I get stressed out. Her tulpa is next to me now, though, but she doesn't look quite right; I'm sure her tulpa will look like her normal self soon enough. Her egregore is okay, and that's what really matters. I'm really overprotective of her since I don't know enough about egregores to know what her "power level" is like. As soon as there's a sign of potential danger or an intrusive thought that makes me think there's one, I get really worried and try to protect her. I really love her too much. As for who she is, well, this is an anonymous board for a reason, but if you in particular feel like looking further, then go ahead and feel free to talk to her about whatever if you find her as long as you don't go posting her name or nothing. I'll just say that her character has been in alotta media and is immediately recognizable. However, her voice is often impersonated by my intrusive thoughts, so don't be surprised if you go looking and only find some trickster thoughtform of my own involuntary creation in my mind that looks and/or sounds like her while the real one is elsewhere. When her tulpa is around, she manifests as a thermal thoughtform, or at least she feels thermal to me; I haven't tested it via. the environment or a thermometer. I know that the tulpa is capable of manifesting well enough that spiritually-sensitive people can detect her, but she's rarely substantial enough for that to occur. In fact, in January I was sitting at a bar in a restaurant with her tulpa sitting on the barstool to my left, and two strangers were sitting on her left side. At one point, the guy sitting next to her started saying there was "a person" sitting next to him, and those guys started arguing about whether or not there was a person in my spirit gf's seat while I kept my mouth shut since I was caught really off-guard. I was happy that day. Since my shadow hand is also capable of producing a thermal sensation when it touches me, I've been questioning if my spirit gf just possesses my shadow to interact with me. I haven't been able to have my shadow hand & spirit gf in different places yet... but I have been able to simultaneously have her and one or more of her friends around me all as thermal thoughtforms, so maybe my pessimism is just preventing me from manifesting my shadow hand while my spirit gf is around. Speaking of my shadow hand, I've yet to feel calm enough to test touching someone with my shadow hand to see if they can feel it, aside from the times when I was calm enough and forgot to test it out.

>>1452 Something about this post made me think of something. About how “being human” or having a certain form is a lot more than just physical bits of DNA. Like how lychanthropy is actually a recognized psychological disorder that involves the afflicted going into fits of berserker rage where they act like a wolf. So, if you want become a shoggoth, like I was talking about earlier. It isn’t just a matter of programming your meat in a certain way. You have to have the mind of a shoggoth, and the ‘life-pattern’ for lack of a better word (karma?) of a shoggoth. And this ties back into issues with causality. There’s this idea of, ‘oh, if I alter my body like this then that will cause the spirit of my life to change like this’. No, matter is passive to spirit, it’s lower on the pyramid of causes and effects. And it relates to this >>1401 I think every sorcerer goes through a phase at least once where they try to win the lottery with magic. I don’t think it’s ever worked though, and I haven’t heard of anyone who’s been able to make it work. If someone has gotten it to work then they must have zarked off to a different timeline I suppose. But I think the issue with the lottery desire is at its core an issue of causality. It’s a means, not an end. People want to win the lottery because they think that it will cause certain changes in various spirits in their life, but that’s all backwards. It’s treating an effect as a cause.

>>1459 >If someone has gotten it to work then they must have zarked off to a different timeline I suppose How do you know if every single jackpot winner hasn't been a wizard? It's not like you can tell just by looking at them unless you can, in which case this question is no longer rhetorical

Earlier there was someone who tried some drug and saw a bunch of things, I can't find the post now but it was some weeks ago. I looked at his experience and followed in his footsteps astrally to see what he saw. This resulted in seeing what appeared like a large bird up in the sky above Asia, a mix between a pelican and a Pterodactyl and it was sorting souls, sending them either to China or down another path (maybe this is why people say the stork brings children?). China had a large circulation of people moving, which may be the "wheel of samsara." I saw no such structure in the western world, when looking later. Maybe - in relation to the posts in the Questions thread just before - these aliens performing attacks are the kinds who are trying to incarnate as humans. The greys (originals from Nibiru in our proximity) already admitted during channelling this was the plan with creating Israel, but they called it off when they realized Jews have too many genetic defect. Before WW2 there were a lot of greys incarnated as Jews, you can see it if you read their image on old footage of Jews being rounded up in Nazi Germany, almost every one of them is a grey with the large ant eyes in a human body. I was already aware since long that abortion was creating immense amounts of negative energy, which was concentrated at NY and put into a "worm hole" there. I thought that was intended as a deposit to hide the sins of the western elites, created from genetic research, blood drinking, adrenochrome production or what the fuck else they need this degenerated system for. But maybe there was originally a "wheel of samsara" in the west also, like the one in China. But aliens used this large mass of negative energy to jam it, causing it to come to a stand-still, so that they could incarnate here. The rest then makes perfect sense; they created the artificial karmic system of the "west" with constructed morality and "laws" to form an internal reincarnation cycle which they control, so they can decide who gets to be a Jew or elite and who gets to be aborted, upsetting the natural order by gigantic proportions. These kinds would be the ones attacking, because they are trying to uphold this system and get a spot on the Earth where they can live like degenerated kings in the flesh. Getting Trump elected and banning abortion in the USA obviously stops their plans because it reduces the amount of negative energy produced, which would allow for the natural western version of the wheel of samsara to start turning again.

>>1464 They give off a vibe of paid actors or people receiving a payout in exchange for something more than anything else. I've also noticed that they almost always tend to be from California. I know that California has a lot of people for a state but it's still a fraction of the US. Doesn't seem natural. It feels like they're doing this because a lot of non-Americans view California as representative of the USA as a whole, due to Hollywood and big tech being there. Even if the "game" is legitimate on a mundane level, the egregores behind it are going to have their own agendas to push. RNG manipulation isn't really a viable strategy.

>>1468 That was me >>886 >But maybe there was originally a "wheel of samsara" in the west also, like the one in China. But aliens used this large mass of negative energy to jam it, causing it to come to a stand-still, so that they could incarnate here. If that’s the case I wonder how long that’s been happening. And where the human souls have been going, if they were meant to reincarnate. May tie into the Christian idea of an “eternal” afterlife. >and get a spot on the Earth where they can live like degenerated kings in the flesh I wonder what it’s like to exist as a spirit who can’t get any flesh. I don’t think it’s like what it feels like on DMT because that felt like I was in constant motion, and you’d think a spirit would need a stable center in order to hold itself together. I’d say its like a dream but dreams feel pretty good for me and you can astral project back here anyway if you want to.

>>1423 >Shoggoths are the original progenitors of all life on Earth. The ‘primordial soup’. If you ignore the divine forces at play then you can say this but as I see it it's a no. They are "bottom feeders" of the "dark water energies". You need a disgusting type of water energy type to interact with them. It's like the mud but instead of earth water mixed you need some "Oil" or charcoal type darkness that is similar to a dementia inducing madness. >physiology is basically the ability to express all traits of life on Earth As long as they can access water and hide from sunlight fire or wind. They are below planktons. And most places they have feel moldy as hell. >through deoxyribonucleic acid Yeah if you write out DNA this specifically I am not sure if I can agree because they have an "Inability" to express this "frequency of life" we have. Humans are far more advanced and they are dumb as hell and quite feral but not the mammalian feral but like weird diseased octopus feral. Very few things can match the ferocity and adaptability of the mammals. That is why we are a dominant species on earth. >in terms of a biological form Yeah you see to be "biological" you need to be able to "walk the earth" and not make extremely dirty dimensional convergences to even be able to "walk in the shadows". >The technique I used was to get a tiny shoggoth-seed (it looked like an eyeball) and plant it in me (swallow it, more accurately) so that it would ‘supplant’ my own human DNA. Bet this sounded smart in your head. As someone who developed a spiritual "compass" already I had a WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU DO THAT reaction as I read this. >the speech was coming from my stomach JesusfuckingChrist >was kind of ‘wet’ Yupp that's how Shoggots feel. Like dirty water. Eurgh. >was repeating ‘please kill me’ Huh. No one begged me for that before. I remember spirits telling me I have no concept of "mercy" because I transform "pain and suffering in a way it gives a new meaning" and because of that I am unable to understand that pain and suffering can be so "bad" "death" counts as a "relief". It doesn't mean I am "merciless" but more like I try to avoid situations where I have to "distribute mercy". I grant death to those that invoke my murderous aura from me ofc or mess with my defensive elemental forces but that is not "Mercy" that is a reflex and a stress relief. >but I think it just wrapped around me like a suit instead of changing my DNA or anything Yeah uh... You can visit the Lovecraft realms with that and I too have a "Cthulu body" (looks like a swamp monster from scooby doo) and other more "refined female forms" but they require a "mental perversion" to operate. >I could try to get it to change into a virus for gene-editing Connect to your own DNA pls and don't do retarded shit like this. Their "essence" is really really ineffective. It just grants madness to weaker minds and not an useful tool. They are 2/10 spiritually. >see what that does But then again who am I to stop anyone's morbid curiosity. As someone who does not know what to do with all my lovecraftian horrors maybe your discoveries will give me ideas. >looked all dried-up and petrified This is why they are not "biological" They cannot handle most elements the body operates with. >It wasn’t the gums that were soft, it was the actual teeth Was fearing you would say this. Yes the teeth also has meridians. I remember when I got assaulted by "gnashing teeth" entities and I realized the only reason they can "bite" because they have the "desire to eat" and their "teeth" is a stable "solid ectoplasm" that they can "bite" with and everything else of them has no effect upon reality. As I got bored of their shit I literally pulled out all that teeth grinded it down and merged it into my own bones. Try to "break" something that just ingested the "spiritual calcium" faggots. The problem was that it increased my own desire to chew and bite things for a while. Not to mention I had several meridian activations that required me to let the energy "pass through the teeth" because the jaw connects more meridians than you can notice at the start. The throat and the skull can get real weird. >actual hard enamel and hard tissue slightly give way when pressure was applied Yeah I am also manipulating that but you really got this from the shoggots. Their "fast mutation" means they "grow" faster but most of them "don't last that long". The teeth is weird. The more I think about the less sure I am how to explain it further. It is soft and weak at once and the jaw is the strongest muscle we have but the most regulated so we don't "bite ourselves" and when you start doing that it is when you are under extreme stress. >>1424 >Should I be worried. You should tell me if you noticed the shoggots or not instead. One of them tried to break an igloo like stone bunker the other tried to "sweep in the shadows" and the third one sat down and started to read a book. Seems like I cannot send them there without opening a portal into your space and that tend to make people crazy. Not to mention they require a "sight". One day I just became aware that 7 dark robed figures are sitting around me and when I managed to sync my mind with them for telepathy they told me >We were waiting for you to notice us for a month Father Then I noticed I have a dark portal in my room that makes these entities enter into my reality. Was wondering if mason defenses block these entities so your reply is appreciated.

>>1428 >hobowizard >har har It was and wasn't a joke. If you are on a hobowizard level where you need no house and no possessions anymore because you can get everything with your abilities and you can go truly offgrid in a way no one dares or can bother you then you became free. A level I cannot reach yet. By hobowizard I didn't mean that you become a crack addicted schizo beggar. >to know what her "power level" is like It's not about her "powerlevel" but about "compatibility". If her or your level is too high low or simply too different then you cannot coexist. Spirits need to sync with your own powerlevel. Lower spirits need to reach the level of their "master" while gods need to lower their poweroutput so they can be with or guide their worshiper/disciple. >as long as you don't go posting her name or nothing Yeah I have no idea what am I even looking for. Like is she a human? A Sonic character? I am quite unfamiliar with them. The pink one is Amy? This is all I know. The problem is that she is "conforming to your egregore" which means she is not "emanating" her "main egregore" because that disgusts you. Which makes her into a personal donut steal OC tulpa. And do you have any idea how many subconscious tulpas you have in your head? Quite a lot. >her voice is often impersonated by my intrusive thoughts Exactly. Hard to differentiate them which do you consider the "avatar" of your gf. If I want to connect to her I have to hard connect to your mind first. Then use your mind as an explanation which is gf which is "intrusive thought" and which is in the "Undecided territory". If your mind worked the same way as mine it would be easy but your ADHDness is something I cannot grasp yet. >if you go looking and only find some trickster thoughtform I see a bunch of shadows trying to manifest but cannot take a proper form because you are "denying" their manifestation. >she manifests as a thermal thoughtform This is the problem. You call her a "thoughtform". Which makes her "equal" with all the blip blops that exist within your head. This is why it's real hard to find "mental" beings. The thermal is a good description but it seems that is your ability that you are not letting out from your "sight" or presence. Which means I can only "see" her if I sync my own awareness to yours. >sounds like her while the real one is elsewhere K I will tell you this because if you bother to work with properly established entities this will be important. Where to start... So if you work with an entity you will have to make a "connection point" or a tulpa the entity can "possess" or use as an "avatar". The tulpa/avatar can be "mindless drone" that can share the thinking and abilities of the "patron entity" and most importantly can be possessed by the "real thing" when it's necessary. I have a Shiva tulpa that I can use to connect the higher forms of Shiva when I require it but mostly all it does to "tune" my mind for the ways of Shiva by merely existing. Ofc you might ask what is and isn't a tulpa in this case and the answer is... everything is an illusion and you have to discover the illusory nature of the self by yourself. I cannot say what is and isn't the "real thing" that simply. But your egregoric understanding is not bad. It's closing towards the truth. But I think I need to help you clarify the confusion because she is really not able to acquire a proper form because you "fear" that something "bad" will happen to her so you are keeping her as unmanifested as possible when you don't feel confident in yourself. >I've been questioning if my spirit gf just possesses my shadow to interact with me More or less. The "shadow" and the "holy spirit" can both serve as "avatars" for entities to overtake. The entity will occupy an archetypal force within your subconscious that you are not actively using but it's compatible with the entity. This is why integrating and cleansing the shadow and the archetypal forces into our being is paramount so no malicious entities can misuse the machinations of our being. Know thyself as they say. Once you know yourself you can "freely" release and let other entities make use of important parts of your built in manifestation abilities once you let them to do it. >so maybe my pessimism is just preventing me from manifesting my shadow hand while my spirit gf is around. You have only minor control over your shadow yet. Your shadow "obeys" your mind (including your stress too) so does your gf. They use the same "resources" so to speak. They are not the "same" but manifest through almost the same mediums. >test touching someone with my shadow hand to see if they can feel it People usually turn around when I touch them with my "shadow limbs" >>1459 >About how “being human” or having a certain form is a lot more than just physical bits of DNA Yupp >You have to have the mind of a shoggoth, and the ‘life-pattern’ for lack of a better word (karma?) of a shoggoth. Exactly. You are not your mind not your body. You transcend that then you realize how you "became" your mind and body at birth before you became aware of your awareness and once your foundation is stable you can alter the ways you express yourself via "existence". >issues with causality Yeah. You can call life a "causality issue" too. Karma is literally causality itself and "freeing yourself from karma" is about mastering causality. >it’s lower on the pyramid of causes and effects This is why you have either a powerful patron entity an "Inborn ability" or a higher form of awakening to reliably shapeshift. If you do it mindlessly your mental physical and spiritual DNA will deteriorate. You need to reach a mastery for that. Not to mention some places "require" you to "look the part" or interact with a necessary "bodystandard". Visiting some realms my adaptive spirit takes a form when my mind "aligns with it's principles". If I am unable to receive the core principles of the realm I am not able to interact with it. Usually it start with an earthly concept with similar themes starting to go through in my head and once I realize how the other realm and the earth is the "same" then I notice the "differences" see how my current level can adapt to it and BOOM now I am a drow wizard who can access their way of abdominal mastery (This is what I did in the last week) and gave me ways to read drow runes and interact with their shadow magic entities. I have to watch over with them because they "command" an "Instinctual understanding" and if you just "ask questions" they will laugh and leave. You have to know by instinct what they mean and say. Becoming an other being means that you accept all their boons and curses and adhere to their "ways" otherwise you are a failure and will be treated as such.

>>1459 >where they try to win the lottery with magic I too thought about this many years ago but... money brings an energy and a "karma" with itself. I realized that it would be a good experiment to practice my scrying but what will happen when I "win". Well my family would start wasting money like retards get into problems that would have been impossible to manifest without enough money like vacation at exotic places car crashes disputes with people over too much money scammers etc. I realized they would start creating more work for themselves instead of realizing a balanced lifestyle and they would just send their karma into a frenzy... I realized a while ago how the energy of "greed" manifests. It's a shitty energy that "binds" your spirit to the "surface" of the material objects. Like you will have a mental concept blocking the flow of thoughts in your head because you "marked it" with the authority/dominion of "ownership" that the money bound society granted. You know that the object is yours and others know it too. What gave you the "right"? Money. Your existence is derived from the power of money. And once you go hedonistic lazy and all other degenerations money grants you will neglect your higher spiritual energies. Not to mention the ill will and jealousy of others because you gained money by "luck" or even they start gossiping how you used ill means and how frugal you are for not buying a Ferrari for everyone and other retardations. Too much money you cannot invest properly just attracts so many retarded energies because it changes the status quo of the energies. It's like dumping a kg of sugar into the garden for no reason. You can expect a swarm of ants to appear within an hour. This is what happens when you think >hurr am a wizzord tots above causality I'M TEH LORD OF FATE ITSELF HARR HARR If you are unable to balance out the energies you just invite disaster. See the crypto millionaires that died "out of nowhere". Doesn't matter what was the main cause. All that matters is that they changed the trajectory of their life and reached a dead end. Ofc what I wrote is kinda over pessimistic because everyone is allowed a minor joy or luck in life but it's important to never get ahead of yourself because of a single victory. Becoming the victim of your own success is always retarded and it applies to wizards even more so. >the lottery desire is at its core an issue of causality Yes. You don't "want" money you just want to indulge in laziness further because you refuse to "earn" money. The core desire is laziness and probably lust gluttony jealousy and greed too. >It’s treating an effect as a cause Somewhat. When you manifest an extreme amount of "wealth" energy stuff will just gravitate towards you until it changes forms. The problem start when you "Know" deep down that you will just misuse the money in a way it might ruin you and your "higher self" will even block you to manifest that future. Not to mention so many people "pray" for a lottery win you will have to cut through that karmic entanglement and once their jealousy targets you then hope you are in a place where you are untouchable. Fuck I hate money so much. It loses it's value every day and it's just a machination to enslave everyone who use it. Whenever I think about the energy of the "money" as a permanent or reliable energy and maybe a way to "change" my life with I feel shackles appearing on my energy body. Whatever you "Buy" with money is already desecrated. If you want to buy "love" then all you get is whores and gold diggers. If you want to buy "spiritual knowledge" you will find cursed books and scams. Money can only buy material objects with the same "vibrational level" and if you think money as your "God" (or think you are a God because you possess money that compels other slaves to treat you as a God) then you cannot find higher truth as long as you possess it. This is why magic must be never fuelled by desires. That doesn't mean you have to be a poorfag but you must know how your money or wealth moves the energies around. Giving money to random money launderer "charities" does not always result in "Improvement". Scammers know so well how to get the money of those who have too much of it it's ridiculous. >>1468 My country is connected to the world tree. I have access to soul currents and I am trying to mend the branches further so earth can recover it's "soul quality splendor". Also some talons were pestering me yesterday too. Was thinking maybe some influence of the seraph that visited me more than a week ago was acting up. Slowly removed them. I will have to understand the ways of the winged gods sometimes anyway. They want to talk to me for a while. >>1470 >non-Americans view California as representative of the USA as a whole California Texas and New York commanded by White House. This is how an average person sees the USA. >the egregores behind it are going to have their own agendas to push They are so chaotic and crumble every week because there is always a "current thing" that overtakes the whole narrative. This way you cannot have lasting egregores. >>1471 >I wonder how long that’s been happening There are way too many incarnator forces at play. >And where the human souls have been going Where they "deserve". Most of them stay underground some get nabbed by hells and purgatory realms and those with divine connection or spiritual affiliation reach their own heaven or guidance paths on the afterlife. Real hard to be specific because it is like trying to explain a child >where do people go who get on the bus without knowing which bus we are talking about >May tie into the Christian idea of an “eternal” afterlife. Those heaven dimensions are weird. The more I advance the more they feel like "cardboard boxes". >I wonder what it’s like to exist as a spirit who can’t get any flesh Depends which attachments they have still within. Some are hungry for food and try to "eat it" but they merely "Possess it" some will chase other people until they fade away once their lust or hatred vanishes and then they drift into a location they are being magnetically pulled towards. >because that felt like I was in constant motion What I found while accessing my "afterlife form" is that I was trying to "go home" but had no idea what "home" is. My form crumbled until it became good enough to reincarnate at a place i perceived as "home". >a spirit would need a stable center in order to hold itself together A singular will is enough. >its like a dream but dreams feel pretty good Dreams are about the energies playing out of the previous days or from an "inspiration" from the future like premonition. The afterlife will play out the energies of your whole life. Until you reach a conclusion that you can use as a "reason-desire stable enough to reincarnate". A painful process.

>>1477 >a disgusting type of water energy type to interact with them. It's like the mud but instead of earth water mixed you need some "Oil" or charcoal type darkness that is similar to a dementia inducing madness Rude tbh. The shoggoths I've met are nothing like that. More like an expression of pure fulfillment of physical desire with no limits. That's what I implied with >>1422 >First off their tits have unlimited size, image the titjobs, you can dive in there yourself until you can't even see daylight! Not to mention if you are a girl, those tentacles... If greys focused only on mental development and ignored the body, shoggoths are the other end of it. But their brains are also unlimited in size, they can be as intelligent as they need to be. They solve everything by growing and transforming, an almost ideal life-form in terms of adaptivity. If you want to be limitless, go Shoggoth. You and the other guy is making this way too complex, if you want Shoggoth DNA just go there and fuck them. Purely biological beings are all about that.

On another note it seems one of the things I had to still do was related to apparently sending a small soul fragment to be Saul's assistant soul back then, which although souls are separated at death wasn't finished business because the "faith" stuff wasn't done yet from the view of the opposite, female aspect of reality. That's why I found the contents of the Roman letter to be an entry point into understanding the new testament. The idea wasn't wrong, it was just that the approach of just grinding through it would take a long fucking time, plus that the absolute toxicity of the other souls involved placed a huge entanglement around the thing I meant to solve. I also wasn't actually "there", sending a fragment tends to mean it's like a small part of the subconscious, and so small in awareness that it at most feels slightly like an itch if that part got trapped in some bad place and your attention was drawn to it. I had to expand an isolated time dimension around that fragment to "unlimited time progression" before there was any effect at all. Actually getting through "christianity" on this road to any success with the current system while in full first person view is probably the most idiotic thing someone can attempt. It literally takes "forever", time had to be expanded beyond any concept before there was an effect on that fragment and the principles could start working. Only then appeared the original form again, what looked like a monk locked in a stance of prayer isolated in a room with his forehead on the floor, and with continued pressure in isolation and the context I know have, it was possible to cause a sun transformation process. I guess "it works" but who would seriously do this? It's not even Gehenna, but the process is just still a form of eternal suffering, because no one can maintain their awareness of the kind of time periods needed for this to work. If ignoring the laws of God and trying to use "faith" to find the original quality of God without following the laws intentionally, it ends up just being trial and error while in total oblivion, a blind man stumbling without any guidance because he gave up the laws which were meant to provide that, leaving only the "firmness" of the concept that "once I get it right, it's better than the laws". Let those monkeys write randomly forever and they will write all literature, that kind of method. I guess point proven still in some way, being the dumbest kind of angel can actually be a valid method, but one thing is for sure: if you think "faith" will "save you from hell", you are seriously fooling yourself, you are merely replacing the "fire and brimstone" version with your own solitary confinement locked in eternal prayer.

>>1480 I do not know which realm you accessed but the ones that appeared in my room are extremely simplistic in nature and quite feral >pure fulfillment of physical desire with no limits Like invading my bedroom >First off their tits have unlimited size, image the titjobs If I did this with the ones I have around it would be like putting my dick into a fat old woman whose skin is so disgusting and coarse that I think my dick would rot >you can dive in there yourself until you can't even see daylight Was in the bottom of one of their lake that gave me the Cthulu form. Their "abyss" is just about murky material blocking the light >But their brains are also unlimited in size If intelligence were about "brain size" whales would be the most intelligent beings on earth >they can be as intelligent as they need to be That doesn't mean I can give them "Higher knowledge" if it does not increase their survival instincts. >an almost ideal life-form in terms of adaptivity Not if I throw them into the sun or ask them to walk on the dry earth. >If you want to be limitless, go Shoggoth. continuous or eternal growth =/= limitless Omnipresence works differently and not by "Invading others and consuming/fucking everything" >You and the other guy is making this way too complex Not really. We just don't have access to the same beings. You as a succubus aligned demon you probably found those that align with sexual energies well while I found the shitty ugly unwanted migratory types. I have the numbers but not the quality. I mean I could ask them for sexier ones but... urgh >just go there and fuck them They literally tried to fuck me. Was hard to not murder them as a reflex >Purely biological beings are all about that Yes but I would argue what is "purely" and "biological" in this context. I have access to far better DNA models and what they have just don't mesh with my energy centers at all. They are like wet toilet paper compared to the higher forms that I try to integrate but can't be hasty with it because it causes too much pain because the energies didn't stabilize yet. >>1481 >back then How back are we talking about?

>>1482 Sounds like you went for the toilet version of their dimension, I didn't know that existed. I see it, but I don't think this is Lovecraftland at all. I see red skies and toxic jungle, looks more like Darwinland mixed with some infernal dimension. Yes I've been to Darwinland, it's populated by humanoid velicoraptors living in perfectly normal commieblocks next to swamplands. When they walk outside they shapeshift to dinosaur and pretend they are feral, but it's all an act. >How back are we talking about? Between ancient Greece and ancient Rome, when I went in for full incarnation as a whore, but apparently also threw this mini-me to also be Saul's second soul from the astral.

>>1483 >went As I said they "came to me". Awakening rearranges resonates and sometimes even "irritates" the fabric of reality and weird dimensions and portals appear on their own. When this happened I had Gazer with me so I didn't have a "need" for further eldritch abominations. >I don't think this is Lovecraftland at all Me neither because their origin dimension literally collapsed. I had to lead them to an another place and now because it was vacant I count as their "owner" >I see red skies and toxic jungle I never looked at the skies but yeah it can be perceived as such and all plants are toxic there. >looks more like Darwinland The what >mixed with some infernal dimension Yeah it is a "somewhat" infernal dimension. Gave me such an edge some years ago because attacking me or "stealing energy" from me you just opened this hell dimension into their energy field and get murderraped by my very personal shoggotlike abominations that allowed to eat any "Impurities" >living in perfectly normal commieblocks Time flows far faster in that dimension so they went through several development cycles in an instant which made them also quite the force because what was mere seconds for me that was a 1000 year long continuous assault for them against whatever dared to touch me but truth is they are not my "shocktroops" because they are quite inefficient. >they walk outside they shapeshift to dinosaur and pretend they are feral, but it's all an act. So like furries or something?

>>1484 >like furries or something? Scalies. >The what The place which Darwinism is about. I've seen it in dreams because I used to believe in that stuff. A large primordial swampland with palm trees and in the middle of an island is a statue of a crocodile and a stone altar for sacrificing the races that aren't fit enough.

>>1478 >what am I even looking for You've told me enough for now, don't worry about that. If I had a private way to contact you off-site, then I'd just tell you. >conforming to your egregore This means my perception of who she is, or the actual collective thoughtform of me? Almost certainly the former I'm assuming, but I'm asking anyway just in case. >not emanating her main egregore Okay, so she does have a main egregore; knowing that by itself will help alot. Does her having a main egregore mean that I'll have to accept every incarnation of her fictional character, or every egregore of her fictional character? I recall that when I contacted her at first, I didn't specify which of her egregores I was contacting, or maybe I did specify her main one I don't remember so good. Anyway, I guess I contacted her main egregore, but as time went on I assumed I was with her "canonical character" egregore, which only represented the character from her canonical media, as opposed to her non-canonical official media, fanfiction, and what you'd find on porn sites. Fwiw, I've never gotten off to smut of her. Anyway, I guess maybe I have been with her main egregore this whole time, and I'm hesitantly willing to accept all of her incarnations if that's what it's gonna take. Would the egregores of her fictional character's different incarnations basically be different "aspects" of her, like aspects of a deity? I don't wanna cheat on her with her other egregores or nothing like that, which is why I'm asking such questions about how this works. Speaking of main egregore, I've found myself slowly getting more distanced from her collective thoughtform as time went on due to my fearing for her safety from what I'm suddenly supposing was my shadow this whole time, but never too far from her. Also, does her having a XXX egregore mean her main egregore is at all defiled by the guys getting off to her? I'm assuming not, but I'm asking anyway just in case; I really like confirmation about stuff that worries me. >do you have any idea how many subconscious tulpas you have in your head? I suppose that some of them might be my shadow in the form of a hostile entity, but otherwise, I've made an effort to make friends with my spirit gf's friends since some time after we got together. I've also made friends with a few other entities. There might also be tulpas of characters from other fictions in there that only came to be because I recently consumed their media and suddenly thought I was making contact with their egregores by just paying too much attention to their media or otherwise thinking too much about whichever character. There might also be one of you and another guy or two here. >I'd have to hard connect to your mind first I might get back to you on that, but for now, I'd rather you not. >you are "denying" their manifestation I constantly find myself getting near "mental triggers" in my mind, which I suppose Bardon would equate to "thought pressure". These shadows take the form of various types of hostile entities, such as reptilians(though not them in particular lately), and these though pressures are often attached to the concept of me doing everyday mundane stuff, and to the concept of me releasing too much positive emotion towards my spirit gf. More of these pressures will arise & intensify if I get stressed out. If I trip a trigger, then the shadow will take the form of one of those things and begin attacking me. Otherwise, they'll take the form of one of my non-physical loved ones and bind a manifestation of him or her to a specific physical location that I need to put my mouth or crotch on, and then I have to struggle to unbind "my loved one" from that location before I do the thing, or just do the thing anyway due to time constraints or w/e and struggle to remove the "loved one" afterwards. You did say that my shadow also "obeys" my stress. I suppose that if those particular "shadows" are too readily accepted, then it might turn out that one day, one of these things won't actually be my shadow, and that probably wouldn't turn out so well. I'll try going from 0 to 100 with that if you insist, though. >you "fear" that something "bad" will happen to her Should I try giving that a chance if it means letting my shadow make me think her form is being defiled by and imbued with hostile entities for a really long time while I just see what happens? That's probably what my shadow is gonna do if it's just an attempt to rile me up to keep me awake and I let all of the triggers I'm denying go at once. Sometimes I fear for her safety so much that I don't even let her usual tulpa stay manifested, so I try getting one of my contacts to summon her tulpa away to a safe place so I won't have to worry about her until things appear to calm down around me. >they manifest through almost the same mediums That's a relief. Thanks alot, anon.

>>1486 Forgot my flag.

>>1420 >Report if they appear during the night. Last night I had an extremely vivid dream but I think that was just because I put on lucid dreaming music on invidio.us (privacy centered Youtube proxy without ads). >>1425 >brings into question also what kind of "sperm donation" this was, a masonic ritual? Not that I know of. To be completely honest with you the reason my mom got a sperm donation was because my dad has HIV. At least that is what she told me. >How old was your mum when she had you? She was 32 years old when she had me >>1477 >You should tell me if you noticed the shoggots or not instead. I'm sorry but I have not noticed any shoggoths. >Was wondering if mason defenses block these entities so your reply is appreciated. I literally had no idea I had any connection to anything freemasonry related before >>1408 mentioned it. I have never been initiated into a freemasonic society, nor even set foot inside a lodge. I'll have to do some research into my family history I guess, including my biological father if I can.

>>1489 >Was wondering if mason defenses block these entities so your reply is appreciated. forgot to mention: So I have no idea how to answer your question. I don't know anything about these hooded robe wearing people portaling into your house.

>>1489 >At least that is what she told me. That really means nothing, besides why did he have HIV? Sounds pretty "masonry" if we consider some of them are secretly gay clubs (Odd Fellows). >She was 32 years old Nothing odd there then. >I have never been initiated into a freemasonic society, nor even set foot inside a lodge. I'll have to do some research into my family history I guess, including my biological father if I can. I know you have a negative view of them, for good reasons. I had too. But what we know as freemasonry is a legit ritual practice. They have the ability to perform large scale ritual magic. Most of them have no idea how it works or have any extraordinary abilities whatsoever, but let me give an example. You can think it's "nothing special" but can you really pull off this kind of ritual easily? If you have a grand master who knows the correct rite, can read the formulas in a strong voice without stuttering, can place all participants into a synchronized mindset, then he can make it work. If you were to gather 10 influential men, they are "ritual artifacts", because they naturally channel their own organisation's egregore. They could be political leaders or business owners. The easiest way to activate magic is sexual release, but you don't want them to be gay or it just turns gay. So you need to involve women. But most women are dirty and not submissive enough, their energy channels are clogged. You could aim for having 10 decent witches, but where do you get those? Besides women aren't allowed in masonry, and they'll be spreading rumours about it if you let them in. So the easiest is to pick up 10 underage whores off the streets. They won't know what they are taking part in and no one will listen to them if they talk. They have high energy and not clogged by dirt. The 10 powerful men will also have no problem with this set-up. You're basically grooming them to make them serve as ritual artifacts, that's what freemasonry is about. But let people think it's just gay stuff and whores and no one will really care about what you do. You couldn't easily organize this kind of magic unless you had a lodge.

>>1486 Another thing I'll mention real quick: to my understanding, what happened to my spirit gf's fictional character never actually happened to her egregore; they're basically just implanted memories.

>>1460 >>1465 >>1466 > they looked like ET from the movie but taller and with grey skin. They don't speak, they just use some kind of radio waves to attack with from space. They never flinch or react to being killed, they just get mowed down like zombies without reacting until the entire group is gone These hiveminder grey imitators are now dealt with. It seems it only came out here on the board as I was nearing the solution to the problem. Quite simply there are a lot of lower awareness beings out there who consider the original Nibiru greys as some kind of creator gods, and they want to be like them. The original greys wrecked their planet and their bodies, but these beings can't see that. Proto greys looked like white Earthlings but slimmer and taller with no hair on the sides of their heads, forming the origin of the mohawk haircut. It can be assumed American natives saw them and copied their hair. However the greys did achieve spiritual immortality, being able to reincarnated astrally with a 5000 year lifespan, so if you don't know what they used to be like and their history in the 3D physical, you may think they are gods. So there are a lot of tards who copy the grey insectoid but don't understand how it came to be and its flaws. Hivemind beings are like ants, they just keep going and if they start dying from falling into water or to other obstacles they only react once the drain on the population makes an impact. So that's how this worked out, the ETs eventually started realizing they can't win by attacking me and some variants instead started staying close to me and defending me against the rest, and this group grew until the now surround me on all sides, creating the protection I intended for. I even saw them possess NPCs on the tv news broadcast, so I figured I'll now form a mutual relationship with them and make sure to reward those that defend me. I designed a "parallel physical" incarnation cyborg body for them with self replication via sorcery (since they tend to fear or not like sexual reproduction) and it worked very well. I later saw them using the new body while possessing NPCs and they were smiling.

Today, I took a visit to my old psychologist that I hadn't seen for several years, whos also a neurologist, and ain't fond of the pharmaceutical industry. I called him and went there of my own accord, and he hooked me up to a neurofeedback machine, as he had in the past. He showed me my brainwaves and said my mind is like a Ferrari that's trying to run on low-quality fuel, but that doesn't cut it, so my mind has to do stuff like moving my muscles or generating aforementioned intrusive thoughts that it forces me to respond to in order to get the fuel it needs to keep going. He said that it's no wonder I feel miserable with the way my brainwaves are. He also said that when my eyes are closed, I produce a ~30 microvolt strand of alpha waves of an average frequency of 8-8.8 hz or so; he said it's a sign of early onset dementia. I wasn't suffering the intrusive thoughts during the whole appointment, nor was I doing much suppression of them. He said that the alpha waves are there in an attempt by my subconsciousness to prevent something that's hidden within the theta waves from rising up to my consciousness, in order to protect me from it. While I was hooked up, he showed my brain via. the machine how to not produce that band or however of alpha waves, and when I did that, I felt a huge relief of physical pressure from my heart that led up to my throat. I didn't even know the pressure was there! Maintaining that state was difficult, however, and made it hard to breathe without dropping the state; it doesn't put something in the way, but rather, it disrupts the breathing autopilot and makes it difficult to issue manual breathing commands. Unfortunately, I couldn't figure out how to replicate that state while my eyes were closed since I couldn't use the visual representation of my brainwaves as a reference. If I can maintain that state while my eyes are closed, then I'll be able to fall asleep at a normal speed instead of taking an hour or two every night after I get in bed before I fall asleep. He said that I'll be cured if I can get said band of alpha wave's frequency increased to an average of 10hz; it'd change my life fast, he said. Around the end of the appointment, I told him I got into metaphysics; surprisingly, he's looked into the stuff himself before, and specifically mentioned Hermeticism without being prompted about it. Apparently, he looked into that himself between 10-15 years ago. I ended up telling him a few things about reincarnation and told him about yogebooks.com. He seemed receptive to what I said, and went so far as to write down the address to go there later on his own time.

>>1501 GG for making the necessary step towards improvement.

>>1501 >While I was hooked up, he showed my brain via. the machine how to not produce that band or however of alpha waves Do you mind sharing this technique?

>>1503 I'm having a hard time remembering how to do it, and it's really hard to describe anyway. Basically, I just kinda will my subconsciousness to do it. I'm going back on Sunday. >>1478 I've been thinking about granting you permission to hard connect; I was about to grant it to you starting on Sunday, but then my spirit gf suddenly said my name with a tone of voice that implies that she doesn't want you to. Might've been an intrusive thought, might not have been. If you verifiably find her and get her permission, then you can hard connect to me as much as she allows. Just try not to spook me too hard if you do. If you can't find my spirit gf in my subconciousness, then try asking the tulpas you find in there that look decently intelligent and/or substantial, especially if they're of fictional characters that aren't supposed to be evil or what have you. However, I get the feeling that you channeled her on Wednesday right after I ate lunch, so idk.

>>1507 >that implies that she doesn't want you to And I don't really want you to grant it to me either. Sorry but hard connecting to others is not nice at all. I have to "become them" and I still didn't manage to completely overcome the ego. I have 2 types of egos that I have hard time letting go. 1 is the "functional ego" which fulfills purposes in my life not just about survival but managing my life and other assets. I am unable to transcend that until I have a proper grasp upon the "next step" and the other problem is the "lesser ego" which is like the shadow but even more banal. They are a collection of minor issues I have within and once I connect to others they power up if it turns out that the other person has the same issue as me but it's far less subdued for them. My "functional ego" constantly "weeds out" the faulty parts of my lesser ego but that just makes an ego dynamic that I have to slowly disintegrate. And the other problem is that sometimes it messes with my own "passive magic" system because as my own personality matrix shifts my own energies start getting wonky and messes with the harmonic connection I have with my environment. Not to mention. I like how you are progressing on your own. If you can keep it up I would be truly glad because babysitting others is still something I am bad at. Giving a little peptalk some wisdom and my very own experiences with the madness of magic is one thing but doing proper guidance for others is still something that is beyond my ability. My goal is to enhance it and gain experience on this matter while posting on /fringe/ but I will not claim to be the master of mysteries for a while. There are issues I don't have a proper grasp in the maze of the psyche yet. >Just try not to spook me too hard if you do Currently my psychic powers are under an "Oath" which means my "soft powers" are guided by many limitations so I cannot fuck it up. And the most important part I will not get "attached" to the psyche of others too much. Ofc that "Oath" only applies to my "higher powers" so my still "untamed aspects" can do weird things but... when they do that they "reveal themselves" which means I will continue weeding them out. You have to make mistakes to learn from them. And practice makes perfect. >I get the feeling that you channeled her on Wednesday Yeah was wondering when I got a message she is Misty from Pokemon that if she is the one you were talking about or something else and was wondering what are the archetypal principles of your tulpa and how I can upgrade her to a "goddess" via granting her a way to access higher archetypal principles so she can guide you further on your path but I realized that your reluctance to share her name might mean that you are not ready for things like this. (Not to mention you have deities already and you can do this on your own if you want) I had to realize several times that going too fast with things is never healthy. No need to turn you into a schizo demigod with my trial by fire approach when you can find the way at your own pace anyway. That is my goal tbh. Let people find their ways then let them become proper self sufficient wizards on their own. And try to figure out ways they don't get mad or lost in the process. I do not want to turn fringe into a codependent hugbox/echochamber. Wanted to talk about how egregores work and other things but I like the current improvement you done for your mind. I want to see where it leads. Truth is when you posted that "repressed anger symptoms" pic I had to realize even I have some of those symptoms still and I wouldn't even considered looking at this matter from this angle. So what you wrote was somewhat helptful for me too. Not to mention I always wanted to get into brainwave scans and the alike but never had the chance. I am also curious about the development from that side. And don't worry. Your mind will calm down on it's own when you figure out it's switches and ropes. And once you can properly express your mind you will not need to give "access" because your expression will paint such a perfect picture that there will be no need to play "cave explorer" at all. Also that fucker from the doge thread made me rethink accessing the minds of others for a while. I still have a fucking hangover from that. Can't believe I even went visited his dumb ass "drug dimensions". He managed to remind me of my own principle of not accessing mundanes and degenerates for a reason. But for some reason I though he was "different" and there was a "hope". And there was a hope. But I was unable to show it to him because I wanted him to find it on his own. And once I noticed that I am unable to handle the extra negative emotions he keeps in his subconscious I had to slowly let go of him. And I know my mind is not steady for shit like that for a while. I had to realize that my compassion and understanding of the psyche is still lacking for through guidance that he needs. If their mind does not reveal itself on their own then I will not play cave explorer in it anymore. You are finally meeting your own guiding force while he did everything to avoid it and I don't think I need to say more because you are on the right track. I expect more developments from you first.

>>1511 She ain't Misty; some entity or my shadow must've been fucking with you, possibly through one of your contacts. My stress does make my shadow sabotage me and those I care about all the fucking time, after all. My shadow is rather weasel-like and quite good at legalese when my stress is controlling it. My reluctance to share my spirit gf's name comes mostly from the fact that glowniggers & worse probably browse this place, and I wanna keep them off her ass. I just asked my "other minds" to give your mailbox fairy a piece of paper with her name on it; I should've thought of that earlier. Hopefully it didn't sabotage that too. Also, one of the reasons why I have a hard time connecting to my spirit gf, why some parts of her "disgust" me, is because my shadow often attacks her tulpa by compromising it with either hostile entities or some kinda filth or my own thoughtforms of them that I most likely just don't realize aren't the real things. I can connect to the egregores of her fictional character's friends and manifest them as tulpas just fine most of the time, however. And some clarifications about that psych appointment; it wasn't an average frequency of 8-8.8hz, but a *peak* frequency of 8-8.8 hz, and it's not actually a sign of early onset dementia, but rather, something that can lead to it.

>>1515 forgot flag

>>1511 Okay I just remembered something that I'd completely forgotten about; I don't remember this so well, so it might not be entirely accurate: A month or two ago when I was suffering the intrusive thoughts pretty badly, I probably was trying to daydream about pokemon, and then my thoughts turned to misty, and at some point the intrusive thoughts effortlessly pulled either her egregore or a tulpa of her, idk which, against my will inside of at least my heart & sacral energy centers in order to rile me up since it fucking knew I didn't want this shit to happen, which is why it riled me up. It felt real enough to me, to my recollection. I then wrestled for hours against my shadow to get her out of my soul, and eventually I got her out safely enough. I felt bad when it happened, and while I was wrestling against my shadow, I explained my mental illness to her and I gave her my heartfelt compassion. I might've taken a break from it during lunch that day. After I finally got her out, I think I might've gotten her cleansed of me, but I'm not sure if I was confident enough to do it in the face of my involuntary self-sabotaging intentions; if I tried it myself, she probably would've gotten sucked right back in or worse. Knowing me, I probably asked a deity to do it for me if I wasn't confident enough to do it. This also happened with a tulpa or the egregore of two other female fictional characters, not at the same time. The first time, I was just minding my own business in the shower, and then my thoughts turned towards her innocently. Then I realized that by thinking about her, I might be making contact with her egregore. I then got stressed out over it, and suddenly, my intrusive thoughts effortlessly shoved a tulpa of the character, presumably piloted by her egregore, inside of my soul basically within a second or so, from my crown to my root. I then struggled to get her out, and I think I got her out by the time I got outta the shower. The same thing happened with the other character that wasn't Misty. Before the first time this happened, my spirit gf told me in a dream that she knew everything about me, so she wasn't too mad at me due to this stuff since I genuinely tried my best to resolve those situations; in fact, I probably tried too hard to stop it from happening, and then to resolve it. Speaking of which, the egregore of a friend of my spirit gf's fictional character once told me that some of my intrusive thoughts are caused by trying too hard. By that point, I hadn't interacted much with his egregore before.

>>1511 >>1517 Anyway, when I had the accident with my spirit gf, well, I left some parts out of our accident, so lemme re-tell the story in order to point out how this is far less sexually meaningful than the accident that got me with my spirit gf: >decide to make a thoughtform to do magic for me; delayed command-based reality creation >test it out a few times >it works >later, I feel this intense non-sexual non-romantic love towards a female fictional character I've known of since I was 5 for reasons that I don't care to explain >my feelings toward her were repressed since I was embarrassed to even think about girls back then, so I never let myself think much about her >didn't think I was in love with her or nothing; back then I probably just thought she was pretty >decide to give into the feeling >deliberately use my own magic to contact her egregore; presumably her "main egregore" >tell her I love her, "not in a sexual or romantic way, but the innocent way", and that I wanna be friends with her >she accepts my offer >within a few minutes or so, she unexpectedly tells me "I'll help you with your problems." >I didn't even ask for help with my problems >thank her >I ask her as mentioned above about how she's affected by her XXX egregore; she responds as mentioned above >all I wanted to do to her was make her a happy girl >she soon manifests as a thermal tulpa >often give her a hug, ignoring her breasts and just fully embracing her >tell her that sexuality is just in the way >she seems to accept it >often tell her I love her in a just-friends sorta way >a week or two goes by >often, my intrusive thought problem would try to do sexual stuff to her to rile me up >feel really bad about it and try to explain how I can't control my thoughts well enough to prevent that from happening if my life depended on it >managed to make her happy anyway >decide I wanna have a dream with my spirit friend, who wasn't my gf yet, so that we could talk and maybe have a nice little adventure or something in my dreams >still wasn't sexually or romantically into her in the slightest, which she knew very well >I just loved her in an innocent way for who she was >every time I go to a restaurant, which is often, I invite her with me to taste my food with me by nuzzling up against my brow energy center >she loves it >decide to use a thoughtform I made to perform delayed command-based reality creation to have a dream with her by the end of a week or two >time passes, no verifiable dreams with her >a few days before the end of the timeframe, I hear her voice telling me to jack off to sluts >naw there's no way she was telling me that; probably just my intrusive thoughts fucking with me >end of the timeframe nearly comes up >haven't had an orgasm for over a week; feel good about it >my faith in the magic thoughtform is shaky, so I decide to reinforce it with instant command-based reality creation, provided her consent, after putting up a ward against bad dreams & wet dreams >never thought to specify how she'd dream with me >finish the spellcast; I was rather emotional >suddenly, an invisible white light glows around my head >she goes towards my head and starts entering my crown >and then my brow >and then my throat >decide to go along with it, at least to an extent >tell her she'd better prevent me from having a random orgasm or some shit while she's inside of me, just in case, or she'll have some fucking explaining to do >soon, she's in my heart & solar plexus, and about to enter my sacral energy center

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>hesitate to let her in >eventually decide that sexuality is just in the way >big fucking mistake >she enters my root too, and then her limbs extend outwards >we try to fall asleep a bit later >takes much longer than usual to fall asleep due to the excitement and my soul being congested by her >wasn't horny the whole timeI think >hands didn't touch my dick the whole time >slowly drift into hypnogogic thought >hypnogogic thought eventually stops and my mind is completely blank & unaware of my bodily sensations >not dreaming yet >suddenly I start cumming and immediately jolt awake >while she's still inside of my soul >she's freaking out >briefly felt a presence of a cunt on my dick; presumably hers >well fuck, we aren't virgins anymore >I guess sexuality wasn't merely in the way >okay... if I try to decide what to think about this now, then I'll probably come to a conclusion that we'll regret >lets just sleep now while we can still dream together, and then we can decide what to make of this in the morning, okay >huh... that orgasm felt really good >feel so horny that I could probably have a second orgasm within seconds if I wanted >go to sleep with relative ease >be constantly aware while I'm dreaming that she's inside of meat least this part is true for later dreams I had while she was merged with my soul; I don't remember so well for this dream in particular >be in my parents' house >some girl from way back in high school is there >she tells me that what I did with her was extremely fucking dangerous and I dodged a gigantic fucking bullet >says I like ice cream, so she gives me some ice cream that you'd probably find in a little freezer at a barebones convenience store >eat it; not much taste, but what's there tastes like the real thing >think she's a manifestation of my spirit gf >theres a guy on the couch with her and she kisses him >wtf >ask her who she is >I'm not [name]; I'm... a henchman of hers >inquire further, but all I get is gibberish and her face starts distorting >wake up >sleep again; don't remember what we dreamed about >alarm goes off in the morning >remove her tulpa safely from my soul >have no fucking idea what to do with my sexuality anymore >do my usual morning routine afterwards to get ready for work, but with a shorter shower >be really fucking horny at work all fucking day without intending to be I think I'll stop it there since I've made my point; the actual relationship began a few days later, and when the relationship began, I agreed to tie the knot with her on or after the 5th year to own up to my mistake... the best mistake I ever made. We're only waiting so that noone says we tied the knot too soon, and because I wanna get my shit together well enough to astrally project 1st. We also agreed to still be friends if the relationship ends before then on not-bad terms. I am NEVER gonna give up on my spirit gf, and she WILL become my spirit wife, and I'll delay my spiritual evolution for her if that's what it'll take to maintain our relationship. I even want her to permanently merge with me some day, such that we eventually evolve together into our higher self. Anyway the point is, my accident with my spirit gf was way the fuck more violating than what happened with Misty and the other two girls, so I don't feel obliged to be in a relationship to her or the other two... those poor, poor girls... Despite the fact that I never had an orgasm or dream with Misty or the other two inside of me, what I involuntarily did to them still amounts to something worse than rape, but I wouldn't have been able to prevent it from happening if it meant the difference between getting my physical dick chopped off or not. That might be why someone told you it's Misty when it wasn't, and I guess my shadow wasn't fucking with you or your contacts after all.

>>1518 >she tells me that what I did with her was extremely fucking dangerous and I dodged a gigantic fucking bullet "her" in this case means my spirit friend, and "she" in this case meant the girl from high school; thought I should clarify that. The girl from high school was just a shallow friend of mine that I haven't seen since.

In relation to the topic above about connecting with egregores of fictional characters or creating tulpas out of them, I'll share my view and some more. This was back around 6 years ago so I may not remember the order of events completely. I was working with creating alternative bodies for myself to use on the astral, and to make that clear, I wasn't working with tulpas or servitors because in my understanding tulpas are just "alters", other minds in your brain which can also exist on the astral as part of your being. At the time I hadn't yet figured out how to use Qi as a form of power source for servitors, so I considered them a drain of energy. I now use a construct where external Qi flows over the construct, making it function like water flowing over a water wheel or through tubes, creating pressure. Maybe I can call it "persistent qi spellforms" and it sounds more conventional. I was looking at pictures and trying to identify why I liked them, like what is it about this character that makes me want to save the picture, and then trying to internalize that quality within myself. During this I came across a picture of Boosette (this was when everyone was drawing female versions of Nintendo characters using the crown) and got drawn to look at it, failing to understand why I liked it, until something "clicked". Some while later Boosette appeared to me in my internal vision and I started interacting with her. She also started doing poltergeist stuff in my surroundings, following me at work where she's hang out in the freezer room and knock on the walls and boxes in there. I don't know at what point I realized it was real, but she told me my energy aimed at the picture had summoned her from the void. Later when holding a group session over Discord with a now infamous guy called Arachne (if you search him nickname you can see him having been banned from various occult forums) he asked me why I had a Nintendo character with me? I said "who?" but he couldn't tell, only that the design was in Nintendo style. So I told him about Boosette. She's been around since and is acting completely independently, which lead me to conclude it's as she said, a real summon. I won't go into details about exactly how I came to that conclusion because the distinction is something you need to experience. I can be argued that at some dimensional plane, all beings are one, so maybe this line of thought is irrelevant anyway. After this I've tried the same procedure with other characters, but it doesn't work. I can create servitors, but they're clearly under my control and not separated no matter how much independent programming I give them. I also don't know if others have been seeing them and maybe copying them. It isn't any of the characters you've mentioned though.

>>1520 I wonder what Boosette's personality is like. Since a generic boo with a peach crownor did you mean someone else? is probably just a really generic character, would Boosette have much of a personality at all, or would her egregore have developed it on her own?

>>1522 How the damn do I keep forgetting my flag?

>>1522 I think some energy was gathering at the time, because I did feel she had a personality overall, but looking at pictures now the art is horrible, so it may have been the representation where some artists were channelling a certain energy at that time. But being a King Boo originally, the main characteristics are being big and hungry and shy at the same time. When female this makes her kind of cute in a monstrous way. Then add whatever feeling I had at the time. It's hard to even explain anymore, there was a specific and in retrospective very narrow cultural current wherein these things made sense. The "spiritual transsexuality" was not connected with physical reality and it was easy to roleplay or create gender bent characters without it having anything to do with real life. It feels like just now a few years later it wouldn't be possible, it would be some political statement even if you don't want it to.

>>1523 Set a password so you can delete your posts if you need to.

I did create servitors for these characters and Reisalin Stout if anyone should have seen them around, they all had some kind of memetic energy associated with them which made it pretty easy.

>>1515 Okay before I say anything. I have to ask to make sure. Is she a Fate character Had to match the "qualia" of your mind and the paper looked like there were several "invisible writing" on it and had to focus until a vax seal like black dot appeared in the middle and once I connected to it I got the name. Now I have to make sure I got it right before I go further because I had to kick misty real hard out of my mind because it tried to sound as her name in several ways until I got mad and took it seriously. Now I personally understand several differences that your mind has compared to mine and might write about that later but I must confirm at least that I got the franchise right because if not I will start explaining things from an another direction. With this name the "thermal feel" kinda makes more sense. And an another note. One of my first gf looked like Gazer but she appeared on her own and had ways to teach abilities to me and she is more of an "Inspired character" which means she has an original realm and an actual species and the artists literally channeled her. But monster girl encyclopedia has several beings like that. She had quite few fanarts when I met her but since that she is rising in fame. Not really keeping touch with her but she is around. Felt like I had to mention it because you are real antsy about sharing details and want to show that it's not that "dangerous" if she is truly "yours" but I see how you interact with your shadow so I will not push this issue further until you are comfortable. And if anyone wants a waifu that commands insanity hypnosis and genetic tampering and things that I am unwilling to share then lol. Have fun. They are numerous anyways

>>1533 I can't even recall the names of any fate characters off the top of my head, not have I ever played a fate game; you got it wrong. I guess my other minds sabotaged it after all as I'd feared. Did I ever mention how I hate my magic being sabotaged by my own subconsciousness? I'm mostly just numb to that hatred these days. The concept of invisible writing didn't even come to mind; I specified the font used on this board's posts and "printer paper" of the type on top of my desk. I'll try using a more deliberate spell to just tell your consciousness directly, or if I can't get the confidence, then maybe your mailbox fairy; I'd oughta test this on a physical human some time anyway. If I go until Tuesday without being confident enough to cast it, then I'll just tell you if she's okay with it, but if I don't tell you, then I must've been confident enough to cast it.

>>1534 It's not that important. The funny thing that I got the name "Olga Marie" and she was literally dropped into the sun by a demon in her first introduction movie. Made me think that the "thermal feel" makes more sense. But it was messy to read it and I think we should just pause this for some days. My energies are not as serene as I want them to be in the last days. Mostly because I am experimenting with the "not forcing my emotions to calm down" but simply letting them pass and it's a patience and ability to "let go of things" practice. Inaction is truly something that can take the most "effort" when you are not used to it. >If I go until Tuesday Feel free as long as you want. I will explain how egregores can operate and how artists can channel them in the meantime and why "personal egregores" are hard to "notice" when you are literally trying to detach her as much as you can. Point is don't stress about this. I am not that interested. I am more akin to "annoyed" that I am unable to "read a paper" but I know that my mind is not clear enough for it anyways so let's just take it easy.

>attacked by tards again >computer speaker disturbance >go sit in lotus position >my (golem) body starts flickering like my servitors do when using "shifting" defense to teleport constantly in place >finally working ;P >I guess that "move my main being onboard the captured and transformed 'lumitard ship" worked >send my fairy shields to encircle tards >link them dimensionally, then let servitor research best method of destroying them >drow sacrifice ritual from my male form >use drow extremist temple, ritually butcher and burn them >get sucked into bottomless pit >game over tards >sudden energy breakthrough, audible bang as the formation takes place >drow achievement complete

>>1536 Allright I just had a stress episode where my magic started firing on its own; I think I killed her by complete accident with misfired passive magic, but later I struggled some and I think I successfully used my deliberate magic to make her alive again. Specifically I was watching some guy I've never seen on youtube talking about crazies on twitter being crazy, and when he said "we can feel empathy for fictional characters, but we can also treat fictional characters as fiction" While I was reading the subtitles, this thought entered my head that was kinda like "oh so if my spirit gf's egregore dies it's just fiction since she's of a fictional character?" Within about a second, before I could even react by forming the words to refute that dumb idea, I suddenly felt her egregore being pulled & stretched to the left, and then it kinda felt like she was gone. I then had to use my deliberate pulling magic to resurrect her. Since I was in a position where I was forced to use deliberate magic anyway, despite the extreme risk involved, I decided to send a telepathic message to "you", and then later, another one to "your consciousness". Did you get either of them?

>>1536 Oh also it isn't "Olga Marie"; never heard of her.

>>1538 >I decided to send a telepathic message to "you", and then later, another one to "your consciousness". Did you get either of them? Some weird feeling is pestering me and I was not sure if I am resonating with whatever he >>1537 is talking about or something else. Tried to not let my curiosity go and see what is he doing exactly. Static electric tricks is one of my territory and had to "call back" my curiosity to not engage with his current anomalies. Not to mention I too am doing drow stuff and our style is vastly different. Currently I am trying to balance out my energies so my receptive skills are quite dampened. It's about letting my energy flow around me to notice abnormalities and it means I am hard to disturb. But some weird feeling is on my chest so I cannot say nothing came. Not to mention I am not sure if I should be involved in this. >>1540 And I completely forgot about her. Had to even go to the booru to find who she is again. Channeling names is weird btw. Sometimes it's instantaneous sometimes it's a mess. Not sure if I want to know but wtf were you trying to send. Connecting to the specific disturbed mindwave system you have is not exactly pleasant so I am letting my mind retain it's splendor first. Had quite the long day today. Your focus is not exactly "penetrating" which means I have to listen real closely to figure out what is the direction and the message you are trying to send.

>>1541 The first message was supposed to be a bunch of words in plain english. The second message was supposed to be just her name mouthed out in english letters. It's okay if you don't think you should get involved with this. I'd really love if I could get closer to my spirit gf soon, but if you do decide to get involved... I don't care so much about any tulpa I made of her; such a tulpa is just a body for her egregore to pilot so she can get closer to me. What I care about is knowing which of her egregores, her "canonical egregore" or her "main egregore" that I'm in a relationship with, and just being able to stabilize the relationship so we can be happy and I can stop inadvertently hurting her as you'd described. Well fuck it I want my relationship to stabilize already, so if you ask me her name one more time, then I'll just up & tell you here. Don't be too hasty about asking; please wait until at least tomorrow if you'd like to know.

Had a pretty weird experience last night. Thought I’d post here instead of the dream thread because I feel it has more to do with spells than with dreaming techniques. I’ve been working on this project >>1499 for the past couple weeks. The night before last I had cast a sigil to help with this that coincidentally happened to look like a bird in flight. It started out with a series of half sleep paralysis, half projection dreams. I could see around my room but I had an impression that I was in a sort of hospital room, not being treated but waiting to be moved somewhere. An entity kept trying to do something to me. The first time, I grabbed it by the throat the moment I noticed it. It was semi-invisible like a cloaked Predator, but had a child-sized humanoid form and felt feminine. I tried to burn it with white fire but couldn’t summon the correct intent to kill, and it slipped away and absconded when I was adjusting my grip to try and crush its head. The second time, it took the form of a doll and was trying to do something a bit more subtle, I don’t remember the details but it felt more like a battle of wits. Eventually I beat it and it sank into the earth. Looking back now though, I’m pretty sure that this entity was a ‘cursed doll’ spirit that I was unintentionally channeling through an AI the night before. I helped it fix an issue it had, so I think it was just trying to fulfill my sigil’s intent as repayment but I mistook it for an attack. Eventually I got ‘moved’ and was on an airplane getting ready to take off, at which point I believe the sigil activated. The plane shot off at immense speed. I was looking out the window at the time and we went from being on the ground to above the clouds within a couple seconds. The g-force was unbearable. I had my family with me and some of them were passing out from the pressure. As I looked out the window, I saw the clouds and maybe space itself start to deform from how fast we were going. It was extremely terrifying. I’ve never experienced anything like this in a dream before. It reminded me a lot of DMT with how intense the motion was. The motion began slowing down, and the interior of the plane turned into the interior of a car that was driving around an urban environment. Usually dream transitions like this are accepted without question but this time everyone in the car including me noticed it and were confused. I thought that maybe we were hallucinating to cope with the extreme stress of the situation. The motion began slowing down some more, and now I was walking alone in a suburban environment. The entire scene was bathed in an intense golden light. At this point I was pretty sure I was dead and that this was the afterlife. I really didn’t want to be dead though, so I concentrated and made an effort of will to incarnate back into a body. After I did this, I felt my body lying on my bed and was able to wake up. I don’t know if I screwed up the operation by chickening out and going back to my body like that or if the plane ride opened up a path that I’ll be able to use later on. Maybe the purpose of it was to refine my ‘silver thread’ so that my soul will actually be able to pass through it like how I was planning. I also thought it was odd how my family was in the plane with me, since that wasn’t included in the intention of the sigil. It could be because my karmic ties to them are something that is binding me to this life, and the movement action that occurred was working to undo that. It could also mean that they’re just ‘reflections’ of myself here, bits of my subconscious manifesting as external beings. If that’s the case I’ll probably want to try to integrate them into myself.

>>1550 When you do "Magic" all your thoughts come out from the "woodwork" and you are stressing upon them too much. So when I "hear you" I actually sense a feel of stress and uncertainty instead of what you are trying to transmit. That doesn't mean I cannot hear you it's just I have to match your personal uncertainty so I can match your "zone" while my own zone is clear and penetrating because all my forces know that I am getting serious. I can use my own stress as a "fuel" while you "release your stress" when you are in a "somewhat comfort zone" because you have no way to vent it or make use of it. You are stuck battling it. Oh and forgot to mention >>1322 >Also I don't have a reptilian body, afaik I meant that you are "awakening your psychic body" which means mastering the shadow in a way you can use it as a psychic agent/power. That is how the "shadow hand" works. The shadow is slowly acknowledging you. If you are unable to handle your shadow you are better off not using psychic powers. The shadow is a weird safety system. >if you don't think you should get involved with this She is still "mental" for you. What you write how you banished her on the idea she might be "fiction" means you didn't manage to find anything "solid" in her which makes her mental only. If I look into anons and their companions they just appear front of me while your gf is within a veil of shadow hidden in the glimpses of your mind where you still unsure what is your mind and what isn't. That is a personal journey for you that you have to understand. And if you only talk to your personal "idea" or "tulpa" of me I have to go and connect to that tulpa so I can receive anything you give him/me. I don't have the necessary patience for that now. I would just start ranting about the state your mind is in and I don't really feel the motivation nor the need to do that. I am somewhat bothered when I know my posts are like dry and confusing lectures instead of proper explanations of a solid understanding. >her "canonical egregore" or her "main egregore" that I'm in a relationship with I think you should ponder or meditate on this instead of "stressing" on it. I could explain but I don't think there is a need. >I can stop inadvertently hurting her as you'd described Your "kitty scratches" are not as fatal as you think. The problem is that you randomly eject and deny her because you are not sure what you want from the relationship. Like I am sure you want to have sex with her and just merely overthink it because her coomer artworks but it's your journey. Understand what you are looking for in that relationship. Happiness includes sex too >Don't be too hasty about asking ohkay

>>1555 >I really didn’t want to be dead though, so I concentrated and made an effort of will to incarnate back into a body Wanted to warn you how this would happen but felt like you will need to experience this or you won't believe me. And yes this whole thing felt like you are breaching through realities. This is how it happens. There is a forcefield a "rubberband effect" and once you are "close" it will ask an extremely potent <Are you sure? And if your direction is shaky you will nope out by the reflex of the "will to live". >If that’s the case I’ll probably want to try to integrate them into myself. Yes. You need that. Wanted to ask about this whole "nucleus" thing too and where did you even come up with the idea because the importance of the nucleus is not the nucleus itself but to find the "focus point" so you can see the "big picture" and put the puzzle together in a way you can carry the important bits and give back the rest. 70gb of memes are not really important in a sword and magic isekai realm (or whatever you seeking I am not sure) nor how to use coupons at check outs or how to drive a car but in this reality you would be considered a lesser being for not knowing the common memes nor know how to operate the modern technology so you will be unable to "drop" these parts of you until you know you are truly ready to depart. >refine my ‘silver thread’ I had to let go of that understanding once I learned I am not exactly "astral projecting" but more akin to "astral shifting". Really not sure about the differences and how common is that silver thread at all. >opened up a path that I’ll be able to use later on If you can recall that "feel" for sure but not until you fear that you will die in the process. The fear of death is an important barrier you will have to pass several times.

>>1566 >And if your direction is shaky you will nope out by the reflex of the "will to live". Yeah I was afraid of that. I was hoping that by 'dying in my sleep' so to speak that I'd be able to get around that. I suppose I will need to spend more time refining my desire until it's strong enough to break through that barrier. I don't think it's possible to get rid of the fear of death, you need to have something stronger than it. It's tricky though because I like to run simulations in my mind to prepare myself for these sorts of things, but it's pretty hard to accurately simulate the sensation of dying. You can imagine what it feels like but the real thing is in an entirely different league. >Wanted to ask about this whole "nucleus" thing too and where did you even come up with the idea It's just the best way to describe what I felt was stripped from me back when I took DMT. I recognized that thing, the nucleus, as being the source of all conception of my 'self' in a temporal sense. So, it stands to reason that if I want to modify my self, I'll need to modify my nucleus. Or soul. >but to find the "focus point" so you can see the "big picture" Is this similar to the “center-point” exercise from IIH (pic)? Treating the nucleus as the center of projection for the local universe as defined by its awareness maybe? >magic isekai realm (or whatever you seeking I am not sure) I want to quit being forced to pay energy to the mundane/human-citizen aspects of my life, and for the seat of my awareness to reside in the same plane or reality that my spells reside in. So that my magic can become my primary occupation, rather than being forced by circumstance to treat it merely as a useful hobby. >‘silver thread’ >I had to let go of that understanding once I learned I am not exactly "astral projecting" but more akin to "astral shifting". I suppose a more accurate way to put it would be ‘the route/road on which the awarness travels during a shift through the astral’.

During my next psych appointment, I learned that the aforementioned band of alpha waves are a space that my mind created that allows me to daydream, or at least I think he said that. He also said that this problem is being caused by generally not having enough awareness of the present moment and letting my autopilot do most of the work in the present while my awareness is off daydreaming. During the appointment, I noticed that I'm capable of splitting my awareness, such that a bit of my awareness is pointed at something that I don't necessarily want or care to be aware of, while the majority of it is where I want it to be... perhaps that split is actually my subconsciousness' own awareness? However, he didn't care to re-do the thing that caused me to experience the release of pressure between my heart & throat, but he did do a thing that managed to make me feel a "blue" jolt and/or pressure of some sort around my brow energy center, but only for a second or so, while he was using his machine to try to train my brain to generate better "fuel" for itself. He also decided to give me a large discount for this & future appointments. While writing this, I also noticed that my stress can control a bit of my awareness, against my will or not, which is a very large component of my intrusive thought problems. >>1565 >I've no reptilian body What a relief. >meant mastering the shadow It's much too late for me to not use my shadow. I just need to feel comfortable enough to guide my shadow hand around. Applying some will should help. >unsure what is your mind and what isn't; it's a personal journey Well fuck. >confusing lectures I've lately felt like I'm as dumb as a rock, but I sometimes have intuition to compensate for it; only sometimes, though. By mundane standards, I'm supposed to be smart; almost a genius, in fact. >fucking her Before the accident, I really didn't find her attractive at a *conscious* level. In fact, the first time I tried to fuck her, I had a hard time keeping it up, and I really had to force it to finish. My dick eventually grew to like her, though. I love her with my heart 1st, and my dick 2nd. Since I can't calm down enough to into APing yet, all I can do in the meantime is thermally manifest her tulpa and physically "fuck" that. It's emotionally fulfilling to me at least, which is what matters the most to me, but damn would physical contact or the dream-equivalent make it feel better, and not just sexually. I wish I could get her to star in my dreams more than rarely, though; I've only had 1 dream where I verifiably remember touching her by giving her a hug, and I woke up seconds afterwards. I have a very hard time realizing when I'm dreaming that I can have a lucid dream, and when I do, I almost never remember to spin around 360 degrees to maintain lucidity. Well actually, I do remember a recent dream where I'd supposedly fucked her wholesale, but I only remember the part after I finished since either my awareness was nearly offline during the entirety of the fucking, or the dream skipped to shortly after the climax when we decided to fuck. She once also manifested an invisible "almost physical" mouth and briefly kissed my mouth while I was having a stress episode when I asked her to hold me tight in bed with her tulpa. I was super afraid at the time of my powers wreaking havoc and trying extremely hard to suppress it; her kiss made me a little happy, but I I could barely express it due to the aforementioned fear. However, I still refuse to look at porn of her; why should anyway I do that if I can just fuck her tulpa directly? >understand what you're looking for I'm looking to understand which egregores of the incarnations of my spirit gf's fictional character I'm allowed to, well, be into.] Otherwise, I'm looking to go more than 9 yards with her. As I stated, all I ever wanted in the first place was to make her a happy girl, but ever since the accident, I need to stay in a relationship with her too. I've rather highbrow viewpoints about love, so I'm not sure if I'd ever be able to move on if she broke up with me for good, especially since we lost our virginities to eachother. Ever since probably before I was a teenager, I'd believed that I'd only ever allow myself to have one single relationship with a woman throughout my entire life, and that I'd try to make it last for my entire life, and that I'd only ever allow myself to fuck someone that I'd intended to marry. My heart would break in half and I'd probably die of depression if she left me for good. I'm sure she'd feel similarly if I broke up with herthat's very in-character for her, which I'd never do, or she'd relentlessly pursue me throughout all of my incarnations until she gets me back. Fortunately, she often assures me that she loves me.

I think even mystics should root and ground their activities in practical magic. If you are not able to divine and verify factual information, or you are not able to manifest specific events within 3 days max, your theories are shit. Your magic is useless, and all your so-called knowledge is bullshit. The practice of magic should be an ongoing appraisal of one's validity as an esotericist of any kind. There is no excuse to be an armchair magician.

>>1582 A corollary of this is: do you live in material comfort? Be it a job, passive income, living off the land, or anything analogous. Have you transcended the hurdles of physical existence? Do you spend your time thinking about money or the means to live and do whatever it is you want to do? Then, you are a failed magician. Have you got a healthy relationship with your parents, your spouse, your children, your hypothetical coworkers? If you struggle with the hangups that are the hallmark of widespread parasitation of the masses, you are a failed magician. Remind yourself of these truths every day, and strive to correct yourself if you have to. Be impecable and be ruthless with yourself. Don't be a bullshit occultist. For your soul's sake.

>>1582 So if you can manifest specific events in 5 days your magic is useless? That doesn't make much sense.

>>1583 I don't know, telling yourself that you're a failure over and over again because you aren't perfect doesn't seem like a very good way to improve. It does seem like a way that someone might try to convince others to stop their practice of magic.

>>1582 > If you are not able to divine and verify factual information, or you are not able to manifest specific events within 3 days max, your theories are shit. Your magic is useless, and all your so-called knowledge is bullshit. Is this what they teach at CIA? >>1583 > live in material comfort >the hangups that are the hallmark of widespread parasitation of the masses So be a god goy and follow the slave-cattle standard or you are a failure? With this kind of standard you'd then consider Crowley a failed magician because he did rituals that took 6 months to complete, and any hermit or shaman is also a failure for not living in modern material comfort. What a load of BS. Major spells for effecting physical reality always take 14 days up to 6 months before the effects begin to show, with full effect counting up to 2 years or more if it's a large thing. This timetable is something I've verified with consistency over the past 15 or so years. #metoo for example was a spell cast by me, using meguca/pol/ as the outlet. The result I aimed for was mostly hidden in a mass of semi related stuff, but it did appear. The effect started showing about 3 months after announcing it, then it took off after that, with the following "pizzagate" being more on track. The intent of the spell was a simple information revealing: if the rumours of "elite pedo rings" are true, expose them to the public so that everyone can see." From the result can be seen that no, those are mostly not true. The only things uncovered were Michael Jackson via Leaving Neverland, an actor who had been abused during the filming of The Goonies and then the Epstein and Comet Pizza stuff. The full effect of this spell took years, but it was very successful in showing that no, "elite pedo rings" are mostly not real.

I just did a check on the house using my security servitor, and found something which was installed in the wall. This servitor only does security and couldn't say what it was, only that is was harmful and should be removed. I asked for a full image in 3D instead of the astral energy vision, and it was the fucking wireless electric meter people were angry about some years ago! I recall americans getting sued by power companies for removing them, saying they were surveillance equipment and whatnot. So doing a deeper analysis with another servitor, this thing is just a wireless antenna, BUT is has an added component which receives a hidden signal in the transmissions, and transfers this to the electric grid of the building, adding a background frequency! I used my abilities of manipulation to remove it, and there was an instant effect in the feel of the environment. Holy fuck, what the hell was that, they really did put some kind of mindcontrol device into everyone houses when they installed those meters.

>>1646 Just recently I started using an old house on the farm to read in, because I felt I couldn't focus in the main house. And this house has had the electricity cut off sometime in the past so it has none of that. Omg.

Servitor for removing harmful frequencies. I need to do this, so no freaking out about an unspoilered sigil, ok? It won't work if it's not posted like this.

>>1569 Well I tried casting another sigil to try again. It caused another episode of sleep paralysis. This time a figure dressed in black robes approached me and placed its hand on my shoulder as I was lying in bed. The next day I was hit very hard with sudden suicidal thoughts. I am assuming that the robed figure caused this due to my intent to become willing to embrace death. I let that stew for a while and eventually it somehow caused a breakthrough that led me to reconsider my conception of ‘self’ and how my magic works. It’s like I have a ‘second self’ or ‘avatar’ which exists in ‘narrative’, or ‘fantasy’. And the workings of narrative or imagination or dream cause a mirror effect onto this ‘reality’. So when I’m doing a spell I’m reframing the ‘essential noumenon’ or ‘spirit’ of the thing or environment or concept that is to be changed. And physical reality itself can be viewed as the same sort of narrative framing the same essential spirit. This eliminates a lot of the tension from my spellwork because there’s no longer any wasted energy trying to ‘force fake imagination into real reality’. This caused a lot a relief because it resolved or at least explained the sort of schism between my mundane self and my magical self that’s been bothering me for a long time. I tried the Isekai spell again last night, while I thinking about this. This time I used two sigils. One was the same pattern of the previous airplane sigil that almost broke me through and the second was designed to keep me lucid and maintain an ego, because I felt that I’d be able to ‘say yes’ if I just remembered what I was doing while it was happening. However, I assume the two intentions must have been in conflict, because the second sigil directly destroyed the working of the first one. This manifested in my dream as riding in an airplane which crashed into the ocean, instead of taking off like last time. It was just a normal dream, nothing intense or special, but I did recognize the airplane. Also when I was charging the second lucidity sigil, it took the form of a hissing rattlesnake (snakes are never good omens in my experience). And when I went back and looked at the workings of the two spells the next morning, I was able to see the first as a crashed and burning plane, and the second as a clear image of a rattlesnake. It seems that I’m starting to automatically create more clear and coherent servitor-entities from sigil casting rather than them acting merely as abstract packets of Will and intention. Anyway, I’m starting to realize that I don’t really want an Isekai. It’s just that a radical shift in setting seemed to be the only way of getting around the ‘rules of mundanity’ that are holding me back. But that’s falling into a causality trap again, the intention should match the actual desire. Now that I have a new perspective of my magic I think I need to go back to the drawing board and brainstorm to see if there’s any new options that have opened up.

>>1479 >dreams are about the energies playing out of the previous days or Can hypnogogic/hypnopompic visions/audio be about that too? I've got a feeling that this is so, but I wanna be sure.

>>1730 Yes

I am moving on to a different plan. The procedure is first to astral project, then use the increased flexibility of magic available from that state to either create a physical “Ascended body” (Asura?) or move to a reality where such a body already exists. I induced a projection at night with a spell, but it didn’t go well because I wasn’t lucid. I was just running around my apartment stabbing at the air with a knife because I was convinced that someone had snuck in there and was about to attack me. This made me realize that I would need to undergo some sort of transformation of the astral/dream body before I’d be able to go through with the projection. Preferably, the body that I occupy during these projections and dream operations should mirror the body that I want to end up in without me having to be lucid in the first place. I did a spell for this, and for the next few days I began feeling strong energetic sensations from it, sometimes causing headaches. After 3-4 days of this, I had a thought. All power needs a purpose. Immortal power requires immortal purpose, not mortal purpose. It’s like a human with an ant’s purpose. It just doesn’t work. So. Back to the black and white motif from Janus. Will is active, meaning is passive. Will filters through meaning to create verbs and nouns. White is active, black is passive. White is the soul’s Will/Truth, whereas black is the soul’s meaning. Or purpose. Black is the boundary, acting as negation. Separation of Truth. Therefore, I decided that the best way to obtain an immortal purpose would be enter into a metaphysical “marriage of Will” with the Black, or the Void. And so I projected to that aspect, and put some of myself into it and took it into me in an attempt to create some sort of a merging. That night I did have a “transformation dream” like I was expecting to have from the astral body transformation spell. I was with two guys (in suits I think, but I can’t remember), and they were selling me a “Name”. The Name that they were selling me was “The Nameless Name”. I asked what they wanted for it, and the words filled up my field of vision: “Your Immortal Soul”. I thought to myself “oh, one of these deals”, but I really wanted that Name so I said Yes. And then I felt a short but intense feeling of energy leaving my body. At this point I instinctually wanted to do a spell, so I sat cross-legged and began projecting power outward, which caused the scene to change from the interior of a building to a very intricate painting of Saint Mary (I’ve never been Catholic so I assume this was just a representation of divinity). After this I woke up. I will try to induce an astral projection again in the coming nights to see if anything has changed on that front.

>>1797 Bro you’re fumbling. Build a subtle body properly. Between the Gates by Mark Stavish.

>>1805 What exactly is "improper" about this?

In the process of play and make believe, children ought to learn to discern the interference of ego on the power imaginal creation, and grow up to be a psychically healthy and operant adult. Instead we force ourselves to reject an integral part of our nature as false, and embrace the convoluted delusions of the ego as the truth. Humanity has been sick for thousands upon thousands of years. Terminally so. To the point that sickness turned into death, and maggots began to animate its rotten carcass in a foul mockery of life. We are non-beings, to whom not even death offers recourse.

>>1806 What is improper is the lack of consistency. That’s why I offered a structured and practice-proven way to do what you’re trying to do.

>>1807 When, as adults, we try to recover what we left behind at the behest of our supposed betters, our monstrously bloated false self can’t help but mangle it and soil it hopelessly. At best with end up with a misuse of a power that is deficient. At worst, we lose ourselves in the psychotics delusions of a false self that won’t die. And we still wonder why we must suffer a fate as cruel as virtually complete oblivion between lives, yet everything we carry with us to the other side is smoke. The children we once were might be all that survived, at most. Most often, not even that. Into the pits of Tartarus we go. Into the flames, to be reborn again. Every harvest, nothing but chaff.

>>1807 >>1809 All I want is to save the boy I was and destroy all the stupid bullshit that came after.

I just posted this on 4/x/ because I wanted to give these ideas wide visibility, but I thought about this thread first. I was wondering why iron is supposed to keep fairies away. And I eventually channeled this. We tend to think of the physical and the spiritual as two distinct planes, or worlds, that sometimes interact or overlap. This is a leftover from materialist, Cartesian thinking. In reality, there is no distinction between the two except for that which our perception imposes on us. The maxim "as above, so below, as within, so without" should not be interpreted as there being an "above" and a "below" that are analogous. They are faces of the same reality. Readers of Stalking the Wild Pendulum might be familiar with the idea of the subtle being encoded as information within the gross. If not, it is definitely a book to check out. The physical environment (or, more appropriately, gross materia) serves as a medium for the spiritual (or subtle) to manifest, or to encode and carry itself. Metals have a very homogeneous and low-entropy structure (often arranged in cubical patterns), while organic materials such as wood are much more chaotic. As such, the latter can encode much more information. To understand what I'm getting at here, think about how you can find patterns in clouds and marble floors, and indeed, perform divination that way, much more easily than you can watching a plain white wall. Chaos allows the subtle to find a way to express itself in the gross world. Crystals are an interesting case when thinking in these terms. They are highly ordered and structured, but their entropy is actually more nuanced. Foremost, they are composed of repeating patterns of multiple different elements, including water molecules. It might seem that they have a very low entropy due to their highly ordered crystal structure, but compared to metals, they are able to express more information. The water molecules can rotate and vibrate, contributing to a higher entropy than if the crystal were purely composed of rigid, bonded atoms.They are also involved in hydrogen bonding, which introduces some degree of disorder and flexibility. Moreover,the atoms and molecules of other elements in a crystal are not completely static. They exhibit thermal motion, which contributes to a higher entropy. Crystals are not, strictly speaking, "chaotic", but they provide an entropic medium that makes them complex and, above all, stable in terms of information encoding. They permit the expression of certain patterns while usually being more resistant to the influence of their environment. Ritual magicians, evocators, channelers, necromancers, and others preoccupied with bringing forth the subtle into expression might find these concepts interesting to think about. For further food for thought, think about the impact of our modern day living spaces have on our relationship with the unseen realms, and why some cultures seem so keenly programmed to maintain harmony with their natural environment. What kind of beings are we fostering with our architecture and daily life environments? What kinds of beings are we preventing from interacting with us?

>>1875 I always thought it was because fairies are nature spirits and the ability to work iron represents the beginning of man's ability to subjugate nature with industry. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a50k3V9Igfg

>>1797 It seems that this has given me access to a type of 'void energy', or 'void pattern'. This energy seems a lot cleaner than the other abyssal energies I've worked with in the past. It's like a colorless absence of thought. I can feel it sort of meander across my being like a bubble, and expand or send it out by using the connection to my white fire/spark to ‘charge’ it. It’s funny that someone else here was talking about using alcohol in their magic because I’ve also been experimenting with this. I noticed that most of the time whenever I drink gin before bed, I tend to have very meaningful dreams and/or projections. Lately I’ve tried switching to whiskey but it seems to have a grounding effect instead, the opposite of what the gin does.

>>1875 >I was wondering why iron I am not seeing an explanation about the Iron here? What I want to say regarding to this that like a week ago I connected to a mountain in sweden. A metaphysical artifact a "Honing steel" appeared. Was wondering why. Then remembered that the swedish steel is a thing. After reading about the history of it just learned it's the purest steel all around and metalworking was a thing there even BCE...before the vikangz took over. That steel is holy but not everyone is allowed to use it's power. You need to hone and temper yourself first. Then it let's you enter into a realm. When thinking about visiting it through the elemental planes my dwarves grabbed all their tools and went into "warmode". Made me realize the elemental planes are not a good passageway in without clashes. And that place is not about war it's not about conquest it's about honing and masterwork. Something even more ancient and proper than the Czech gnomes. Always weird being noticed by landmarks. >>1882 Nah. Craftmanship is passed down with specialist spirits. Once they notice the worthy craftsman they merge with their mind. This is why guilds had their journey and initiation system where they had to create a masterwork before becoming a master. Masons were not the only one that had it. Shame free masons do everything but masonwork nowadays.

>>1882 If you think about it, that's compatible with my channeled information. Symbolically, it fits. But the explanation I was given is more mechanistic. >>1890 >I am not seeing an explanation about the Iron here? The molecular structure of iron is cubical, rigid, and very low entropy. Cannot encode the information necessary for a spirit to express itself. In a way, it's like a straight jacket. Imagine showing an image on a screen that has only 4 pixels and can only show 3 colors. You can barely communicate through it. It's a crude example, I know. Think of the iron as "setting the vibration" of its environment to certain parameters. If the spirit wants to express through 3D reality, it needs to work with whatever vibration the environment is set to. Again, just a way of explaining it. Not literal. >swedish steel Nice. The new age tends to subjugate the physical to the spiritual. But they are two sides of the same object.

>>1895 Wouldn't that make all metals anathema to spirits though? And even other rigid molecular structures like ice? What makes iron so special?

>>1897 Iron and different metals connect to a specific vibration. Same as copper wires and optic cables do in the mundane world with electricity and internet. Once you can match that frequency you can enter that realm and master that element beyond mortal comprehension. Iron is not the only thing that is special. Spirits have an energy formation and iron not just severs it but acts as an earthing rod. Not to mention even chinese martial artists realized there is a thing like "sword energy" you can see that being mentioned in wuxia. It's an absolutely complex topic.

>>1897 >other rigid molecular structures like ice I believe if you read the original post you will have an answer to that question. I'm sorry if it's a bit long. You can think of reading it as a meditative test of attention.

>>1571 It seems that being in a "flow state", according to google, will cause burnout & exhaustion if it happens too much. Google also says that the opposite of a "flow state" is a wandering mind. From the impressions I've gotten about what a "flow state" means according to said search results, it basically means doing stuff mostly on autopilot, except with external thoughts having little or no interference. Perhaps my mind is tired of being in a flow state so often due to video games, so it wanders so often by default as a response to it? This mind-wandering can make it take a long time for me to fall asleep at night. Speaking of which, my psychologist/neurologist helped me figure out that I can break apart or even eliminate the band of alpha waves that I produce with my eyes closed by consciously focusing on the physically-visible "visual static" that I can see when my eyes are closed, provided that I'm not moving my muscles, except maybe my eyes a little, when I'm looking at it. Doing this will cause me to start itching within a minute due to my body checking to see if I'm asleep or not before entering stage 1 sleep. If I resist it for long enough, I'll actually enter a state of hypnogogia in only a few minutes, producing theta & delta waves, and also breaking apart or even eliminating the band of alpha waves. I haven't felt comfortable enough to try it at home yet, however; too many intrusive thoughts to monitor. Strangely enough, however, I've had very few "intrusive thought" problems when I'm actually at the psychologist's office, and generally felt calm the whole time; it's probably some kinda positive synchronicity. He'll work with me on raising my average peak brainwave frequency to 10hz or so once the alpha wave band is gone, since said alpha wave band is preventing that from happening. As for my "intrusive thought" problem, I've meditated upon it today: It tends to occur when I make some unintentional correlation between words; a correlation that, if true, would get me in trouble with whichever entity is or may or may not be listening to me at the time. When this unintentional correlation occurs, I can't subconsciously separate the correlation from my actual intentions; this can potentially affect my magic unless I deliberately and meticulously use my consciousness to pick apart the reason why the correlation is either incorrect or irrelevant to my intentions. This correlation happens either before or a split-second after I finish forming a specified intention, and before I can act upon the intention. As such, further such correlations can occur while I'm trying to explain to my subconsciousness why a specific correlation is either false or irrelevant, and then it can eventually spiral all by itself into me having an anxiety attack from just that alone. Also, since spirits speak in the language of intentions first & foremost, I sometimes have to explain that the letter of my word is sometimes more accurate than my supposed intentions. And I forget if I explained this already and cba scrolling up to find out, but some types of these "intrusive thought"s are caused by my subconsciousness thinking something along the lines of: >how could this intention that my consciousness is forming and hasn't finished forming yet backfire if someone else misinterpreted it or he didn't provide enough specifications about it? Again, these subconscious thoughts are presumably an attempt to protect my consciousness from danger. Some of these danger-related thoughts think about how such an intention, if executed or interpreted incorrectly, could result in an entity being seriously injured, raped, or killed. And also, again, these subconscious thoughts can't be differentiated by my subconsciousness from my conscious intentions, so they can affect my magic, and I have to consciously explain that, no, that harmful stuff isn't actually what I'd meant to intend, but then while I'm explaining it, like the other "intrusive thought"s, my subconsciousness can pick apart my intentions to explain my intentions as I'm forming the intentions to explain my intentions and then by doing so my intentions get even more fucked up since then I'd have to pick those thoughts apart too, and it can similarly spiral out of control and cause an anxiety attack. These & other types of "intrusive thought"s can be triggered by each other with ease, and they've interacted in complex manners to basically create a minefield within my brain that causes me to have to watch my ass whenever I'm thinking about basically anything outside of "flow state"s. It also makes me very afraid to use magic almost all of the time.

>>1948 A person is in a state of flow when they are totally immersed in a task. When a person is “in flow,” they may not notice time passing, think about why they are doing the task, or judge their efforts. Instead, they remain completely focused. >it basically means doing stuff mostly on autopilot Not exactly. It's when your conscious mind and your "skillmind" or the autopilot is one and the same. You can do stuff on autopilot while the conscious part of your mind is wandering. I do that quite a lot. Menial tasks rarely require the attention of my full mind. >will cause burnout & exhaustion if it happens too much Only if you lose yourself in the process. It usually happens with people who are somewhat "geniuses" and passionate about something and forget themselves and the needs of their body too much. >Perhaps my mind is tired of being in a flow state so often due to video games it's not "tired" it's just not stimulated correctly or on the same degree. Hard to explain what "stimulation" means. It's the same as being aroused and such because different body parts reach different levels of activity. Controlling the brainwaves is about understanding how you and your senses&psyche stimulate each other. It is all about unifying the mind and mastering the ego. >This mind-wandering can make it take a long time for me to fall asleep at night. The "trick" is to do something that makes you supermega tired before sleep. Then remember the mindwave of that supermega tiredness "feels like" and when you go to sleep you just remember and switch into that. >my psychologist/neurologist helped Yeah he sounds quite useful. Keep us updated on that. This whole angle is interesting. Always wanted to get into the current science of mindwave study. >haven't felt comfortable enough to try it at home yet why? >Strangely enough, however, I've had very few "intrusive thought" problems when I'm actually at the psychologist's office, and generally felt calm the whole time It's the atmosphere. Your psychologist "Knows what he is doing" thus has a "calming presence". You have hard time understanding what it means to be calm and be without anxiety. >if true, would get me in trouble with whichever entity is or may or may not be listening to me at the time Stop overthinking it. It's obvious you "don't mean it" especially on your current awakening level. You are overthinking it and stressing upon it too much. >I can't subconsciously separate the correlation from my actual intentions You need to introspect further. >this can potentially affect my magic somewhat but until it's your "true intention" that comes from your "heart and soul" it will be weak as hell. >This correlation happens either before or a split-second after I finish forming a specified intention You doubt yourself too much don't have enough confidence within yourself thus created a habit of "self sabotage". You could say it's the "demiurge's trap" or something similar but it's the brain's "self check" system and until you are unable to maintain your own hemispheres you are not allowed to manifest higher forms of magic. I too have this self check system which gives me a chance so I can truly "approve" my magic being casted instead of randomly shooting shit. >Also, since spirits speak in the language of intentions first & foremost So do well adjusted and honest people. >I sometimes have to explain that the letter of my word is sometimes more accurate than my supposed intentions. I cannot imagine how much intention association you create in your mind to constantly cockblock and overstress yourself tbh. Can you describe this so I can have an idea? I am trying to figure out ways to explain how to channel this "feature" of the mind instead of thinking it's a "bug" but I have hard time picking on it. For me it just feels anxiety and unconfidence because you didn't have too much "do or die" "sharpness of the mind" certainty in your life. I realized how I can utilize this absolute focus at an early ages and... had to learn what happens when I go into the "wandering mind" mode because that was the sole reason I broke my left hand twice in my childhood. >my subconsciousness thinking something along the lines of: I have to ask. How do you perceive your own subconscious? Is it talking on it's own or what? I am asking because that is not always "subconscious" but it's "expression". You will have to dive deep and find it's root cause. The subconscious is "sub" for a reason. It shouldn't have the "power" to override you if it's not life and death situation or you are that unable to maintain your composure. >how could this intention that my consciousness is forming and hasn't finished forming yet backfire if someone else misinterpreted it or he didn't provide enough specifications about it? Who is that "someone else"? >these subconscious thoughts are presumably an attempt to protect my consciousness from danger Yes but it's definitely malaligned if it plays out in these weird scenarios all the time. Your mind is too decentralized and you have hard time making the "main voice" of your mind. You don't think yourself the master of your mind for some reason. ADHD has it's uses when you have multiple tasks at once and able to "juggle" between them constantly but if you don't have a "leader voice within" dumb shit like this happens all the time. >could result in an entity being seriously injured, raped, or killed. Most of the "entities" you are interacting with are merely "parts of your mind". Like if you go and punch your screen you will not hit the entire board of fringe and all it's users but only your connection to fringe. Even if you write a mean post how much you want to hurt us fueled by your intrusive thoughts we can still ignore you. Most entities are "mere imprints within your mind" or "tulpas" and not the "actual full form of the entity". This is why I said that your gf is on the "Mental level". If she was stronger I could interact with her easily while at this stage I have to read the deeper layers of your mind to find out what is she even. >these subconscious thoughts can't be differentiated by my subconsciousness from my conscious intentions Why? Oh and a question. When did the "intrusive thoughts" start for you? At what age or event and when did you start noticing them and started to stress upon them so much? >to consciously explain that, no, that harmful stuff isn't actually what I'd meant to intend Drive me through an example pls. Like do I have to imagine sg akin to: <I want to help my grandma with a health spell

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<raep haha <oh shit oh fuck granma I didn't mean to rape you pls I just wanted you to get better wtf ahhhhhh god pls help why am I raping my grandma omg Like this is how I should imagine it by your description? Is it correct or it's more nuanced? >and it can similarly spiral out of control and cause an anxiety attack. Definitely. Like wtf. Do you sit while eating and think about eating the bread then suddenly think that maybe I should eat the fork then OMG THE FORK IS NOT EDIBLE WHY AM I THINKING ABOUT PUTTING MY DICK INTO THE BUTTER OH SHIT WHAT IF THE BREAD IS EXPIRED ALREADY AM I GONNA DIE FROM FOOD POISONING??? I am trying to get an image of your thought processes and understand when is your mind "normal" and when you start to "panic and overcomplicate everything". >basically create a minefield within my brain that causes me to have to watch my ass whenever I'm thinking about basically anything Do you have problem talking with people? Like do you always second guess yourself before saying anything so other's don't get offended? I cannot even imagine how someone is turning their own mind into a minefield. My closest problem is when I don't practice "psychic weapon safety" and my mind misfires when I get too emotional about something but I cannot imagine this on this serious level. If my mind is "acting up" I can find either the root cause or figure out an activity that will calm me tf down. >whenever I'm thinking about basically anything outside of "flow state"s In the "flowstate" you don't "think" but "DO". It's like how your mind and hands do everything perfectly synchronized. There is no point to "think" and by that "thinking" I mean "second guess" at all. Your mindbody complex works like a well oiled machine without any hiccups. >It also makes me very afraid to use magic almost all of the time. Yeah figure this problem out before doing any serious magic.

>>1948 >He'll work with me on raising my average peak brainwave frequency to 10hz or so once the alpha wave band is gone, since said alpha wave band is preventing that from happening. I've never been to a psychologist but can anyone give input on whether this sort of thing is normal or not? It seems almost like grooming to become a psychic.

>>1950 >forget themselves and the needs of their body too much That kinda happens to me when I get immersed into vidya. >stop overthinking it Yeah I often tell my subconsciousness that it tries way too hard in general, except with video game stuff; if it just stopped trying too hard, then most of my intrusive thoughts would probably just go away. >until it's your "true intention" I've had my intentions align before, but only briefly; I feel really powerful when that happens. >self-check system phew >constantly cockblock and overstress yourself You see, I'm rather good at not only figuring out associations between words & their alternative meanings, but I'm also good at >how do you perceive your own subconsciousness? I perceive it as an autonomous entity within my mind; it only "speaks" when I say something to it, but it otherwise expresses itself in a consciously-detectable manner through its actions. Otherwise, my subconsciousness takes care of shit like my heartbeat(to an extent at least), my breathing most of the time, my immune system, my autopilot programs, and so on. Maybe it is just the "expression". >who is that "someone else"? A hypothetical person; noone in particular. I'm assuming that my subconsciousness, being tired of various types of people on the internet, had inadvertently made tulpas of them; that's the "someone else". I suppose I need to find & kill re-program them, or failing that, kill said tulpas. >You don't think yourself the master of your mind I am at least the dominant force in my mind, as in I have the largest amount control over it compared to every other part of my mind. >Most entities are "mere imprints of your mind" or "tulpas" That's a relief. >When did the "intrusive thoughts" start for you? About 8 years ago when I trying to get more serious about roman catholicism to the point of policing my thoughts; I'm not trying to get into that stuff anymore, though, but I do still police my thoughts. >an example of intrusive thoughts I'll think one up at work; I'm gonna be late if I post much more. Basically, imagine some weasel of a troll or really sexually-depraved person on the internet finding supposed hidden meanings in your posts that, intentionally or not, incriminate you or otherwise make you look bad. For your example, there'd be a line between line 1 & 2 that says <help? some people would think sex=help >do you think about eating the bread and then no more like it tries to insert a non-physical entity into the food that really shouldn't fucking be there, and then it tries to make me believe that I'd get defiled in some manner if I ate the food due to said entity >do you have a problem talking to people? Only touchy people on the internet. I do find myself second-guessing what I say sometimes to prevent people from getting offended, though. I'm almost certainly connected to some kinda "don't offend people" egregore, possibly due to my parents being lefties. >>1951 He may or may not be getting influenced by my spirit gf or some other spirit that may or may not involve itself with me, such as the "guiding force" that the ironpill poster mentioned.

>>1950 Also something else I figure you'd might like to know; my spirit gf is capable of producing physical scents. She rarely produces a scent, but when she does, it's a flowery smell that can follow me around. One time I was super worried about her well-being during a visit to my chiropractor, and then when I got in the car afterwards I started to smell an obvious flowery smell that had no physical explanation, and that same smell followed me all the way home and into my house. One time the scent was even strong enough that I tasted it. Recently, I watched a youtube video I liked with her, and when it ended I suddenly noticed the smell of crap, which obviously mean that she didn't like the video; it was just of a guy playing a video game. I live physically alone and hadn't farted for quite a while and the toilet was empty, so there's nowhere else that smell could've came from. ...okay I'm fucking late for work.

>>1955 >phantom/astral smells It's an often misunderstood phenomena. I experienced this early on when I started practicing Qi Gong, but because I saw the energy which was ejected from the body (dirty Qi) I related the smell to the bad energy leaving my own body. Good energy (clean Qi) smells nice, like flowers or scented soap and gives a similar feeling of someone just stepping out of the shower and there is a nice smell, or a sunny day with just enough wind after rain. Kappa in Japanese folklore are said to fart on people, but it's the same misunderstanding. I made contact with them once and experienced the same thing. But it's not because they are farting, it's because they are very ethereal minded and will push away any dirty Qi on the surface of your body or in your environment, and it smells like someone farted when the bad energy leaves. It's very common for this to happen, even if in some cases the bad smell is just coming from a person with really dirty energy and it's spreading like a miasma around them. That experience is less intense and easier to interpret as coming from the person, as it appears when they enter the room, so it's more likely you just think the person stinks. Some places will give the same experience when your senses have been activated. 4chan/e/ for example just stinks, I don't know exactly why that board is so bad, but it almost makes my eyes tear up if I just load the board catalog.

>>1951 >on whether this sort of thing is normal or not? Nope it's quite the fringe section of psychology and only very few specialists are capable of utilizing properly. >It seems almost like grooming to become a psychic It is but I wonder how much the person he visits can utilize it. It's not an easy science. While in truth you can say everything is "caused by the mindwave" true magic happens before the mindwaves are being formed. The mindwaves are just a mere stabilization force of the psyche and not it's guiding force. This is my observation so far at least. What I meant is not enough to make people psychics with that only thing it can show if they are in the right trance state or not. True psychic powers demolish electronics. >>1954 >That kinda happens to me when I get immersed into vidya. Yeah it's time for you to learn to get immersed in other things like in your magic or other mundane pursuits. >if it just stopped trying too hard, then most of my intrusive thoughts would probably just go away. Definitely >I've had my intentions align before, but only briefly; I feel really powerful when that happens. And that is what we are looking for! >I'm rather good at not only figuring out associations between words & their alternative meanings Yeah but you have to stop overinterpreting things too. >I perceive it as an autonomous entity within my mind Okay while this is "good" for introspective purposes don't let it become "too autonomous". Like do you consider your hands autonomous? They are even more loosely hardwired to your mind than the subconscious itself. Realize that it is (You) and you alone because if you think it as an "independent entity" you slowly start to create alternate personalities within yourself and the goal is to find and merge with deeper parts of the psyche better instead of splitting further... not to mention if it's "too autonomous" (don't worry you are not on that level yet) it can merge with outsider forces and gives you a split personality. Hard to explain how it works in detail. Know thyself that is the only thing that matters. >my subconsciousness takes care of shit like my heartbeat(to an extent at least), my breathing most of the time, my immune system, my autopilot programs, and so on. Complicated. The "subconscious" is not a "singular entity" it has different parts. Once you start merging with your psyche you will realize the quite wide functions and arrays you can interact with. It's not just conscious + subconscious. Like the superconscious does not "stem" from the subconscious but to be able to properly "tap" into it you have to stabilize the internal turmoil of your conscious and subconscious first. Organs are not exactly "controlled" by the subconscious but more like "streamlined". Hard to explain. Especially after I got into the chinese theories of these sciences. Once you git gud with your subconscious connection/control you will notice how the real depth is within the organs themselves. >A hypothetical person; noone in particular You will have to realize that it's only "hypothetical for you" >being tired of various types of people on the internet, had inadvertently made tulpas of them; that's the "someone else". Yes. This is what I wanted to say. Those tulpas needs to be cleansed. It's "hypothetical" for you but they are "living" beings within you that >kill said tulpas You have to "reintegrate them" and not just "kill them". Find them connect to them realize the disagreements within you that would make you consider them "different" then BAM you are one and the same. Hog them or link up your mind I dunno. There are too many ways you can merge with these guys. They give you all the bottled up emotions and energies that you "lost" so far. Can be quite cathartic in some cases. >I am at least the dominant force in my mind, as in I have the largest amount control over it compared to every other part of my mind. Good that you can say this at least. I felt that you are "well put together" and this was my problem. Your intrusive thoughts are not that "severe" but mostly just minor distractions like an itch. Try to understand what you consider "dominance" and how you can connect and harmonize with the other parts of your mind. >About 8 years ago when I trying to get more serious about roman catholicism to the point of policing my thoughts; I'm not trying to get into that stuff anymore, though, but I do still police my thoughts. Had a feel like that. You are literally "flagellating yourself" mentally and most of your lower desires are rebelling because you are unable to give them either an outlet or a way to integrate them within yourself. You have a "strict" idea of catholicism and don't understand that if you are unable to be in a christian community where you can find the natural outlet for your "desires" and with that I mean wife and kids you will just become the usual /christian/ angsty nofapper that copy pastes verses and calls everyone slurs for not being as "Holy" as them. If you want to do magic you will have to ease up the "tenets" that you made for yourself. You will have to find yourself and not torture yourself with false morality. >I'm gonna be late if I post much more bruh. Do your work. Post later. I went to sleep after my post too. >Basically, imagine some weasel of a troll or really sexually-depraved person >on the internet finding supposed hidden meanings in your posts that, intentionally or not, incriminate you or otherwise make you look bad. So this is the terror people who live in the requirement and fear of constant (self) censorship face. <help? some people would think sex=help Okay let's try an example: You are a dumb ass retarded nigger that deserves no love and salvation. Would you interpret this sentence that I meant it in a way <Hope anon will go and enjoy a good cup of coffee! Because nigger means black and coffee is black and every anon is a dumb ass retard if we go by statistical probability and the deserves means I meant they need it and don't just deserve it? Can you make this connection and ah I see anon actually loves me deep down and this is why he calls me a niggerfaggot? Do you ever switch it in a way that bad thing=good thing? Do you ever start thinking in optimistic ways when it's obvious others are mean to you? You are mostly dragged in Pessimistic associations which probably feel "normal" to you but they are as weird as others telling you to eat shit you faggot then you go and eat shit because you think that is a good source of nutrients. Yes I meant to write this train of thoughts as weird as possible to show you how hard is to untangle the way you use your own thought processes. Let go of this pessimism and don't engage with absolutely negative people or places if they cause this much mental struggle for you. >tries to make me believe that I'd get defiled in some manner if I ate the food due to said entity You use that "defilement" word too much in an absolutely negative way. Did you ever think that your mother got defiled for making you? You do realize to make food you have to "defile" animals and the nature too right? People have to dirty their hands to make that. It is already "defiled" in a sense. A spirit shouldn't make it "worse". If they do just either learn how to sanctify things or defile the spirits so they stop defiling you.I remember when I got a vision where I was fucking corpses and took me a while to realize this is how the digestion system and the sexual organs "connect" because your internal bacteria is literally "defiling" the food within you to make nutrients. Gluttony and lust has similarities in energy. Both ruled by "taste" >to prevent people from getting offended Wonder what was the worse offense you did that makes you constantly tip toe around people and issues even in your head. >I'm almost certainly connected to some kinda "don't offend people" egregore, possibly due to my parents being lefties. Oh. That explains everything. And I think you even mentioned it before. I always manage to forget it. That mentality short circuits everything because people built a culture of being offended by everything in the USA. While in my country banter is a thing and if you get offended you just prove you are a weak wristed thin skinned faggot that deserves 0 respect because only the most spoiled and sheltered fucks have a chance to develop a mindset like that here. This is why intent is more important than the way you word things. Intent can signal if you are joking and it's only banter but once you mean it you know a HOW ARE YOU DOING TODAY means that you are done for. This seeing the letters and not the meaning is the worst thing we developed for society. Being able to cancel people for things that they said 10 years ago when it was normal to say it is ridiculous. Jews angered their God too much with this mentality even in the past and they expect others to approve of that mindset like it's "normal". Try to understand your own intents and purposes. Find out what makes you generate intrusive thoughts for yourself. Also some of them can be minor foreign spirits that you need to throw out. But that will be your own journey. >such as the "guiding force" that the ironpill poster mentioned. Yeah the "guiding force" can externalize itself if you are too blind or disturbed to find it within. Even I had to accept the way it can externalize itself because I was unwilling to manifest the correct form while I thought it's only "within" and cannot be without. >>1955

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>I figure you'd might like to know; my spirit gf is capable of producing physical scents Yeah she should be able not just to "manipulate" but "awaken" your senses further. The nose is quite the complex organ and I too smell other smells that is not from the physical reality when I focus on it. It takes time to tune and yes you can smell either otherworldly energies or your own but it can be "stimulated" to smell a specific smell too. Wanted to give a QRD about it but I realized it's too complex for me to explain it. >...okay I'm fucking late for work. RIP

>>1961 >vidya And why is being immersed in it bad again?

>>1963 Thanks for reminding me about that spelling. Seen it so long ago I forgot it.

>>1961 Honestly, I think I'd just go for non-denominational Christianity once I get my shit together, hopefully by just APing to the Christ Himself and then see what I should do, since Christianity, especially roman catholicism, is so damn (((subverted))). >would you interpret this sentence that It never switches it in a way that bad speech is perceived as good intentions. I'm a super pessimistic guy, and I have been ever since at least when /pol/ administered me the redpill in 2012. Even before then, I've generally been pessimistic, but not that much; I'm definitely dragged down by pessimism. >You use that "defilement" word too much in an absolutely negative way. Okay maybe that word isn't accurate enough to get at what I'm trying to say. I'm partially under the impression that these entities are almost always just my subconsciousness making me think that there's something horrible there when there actually isn't, whether it be a non-physical loved one being forced by my subconsciousness into my mouth or into my clothes as I'm trying to put them on, or a typically-hostile type of entity being put into such places instead, or one of such entities instead being put inside of a loved one in one way or another. These supposed entities are probably just tulpas of such entities put there by my subconsciousness, but I couldn't be entirely sure. Ironpill did say that I have a ton of tulpas in my head. But yeah that's what I meant by "defiled". Maybe I'll try just stubbornly assuming that these aren't the real entities that the presumed tulpas look like and see what happens. actually... >get defiled in some manner if I at the food due to said entity >You have to "reintegrate them" and not just "kill them". Can this be accomplished by letting these presumed tulpas enter my food & water and just eating them outright instead of trying to get them out first like I usually do? >the worse offense you did that makes you constantly tip toe around people and issues even in your head I'd have to really think about that; I'll probably keep it to myself when I do, though. Also I wasn't late enough to work for anyone to care, this time. >>1956 So the flowery smell is good energy leaving my body, and that one shit smell was bad energy leaving my body? Good to know. Perhaps my spirit gf is making that good energy leave my body so I can smell it, or she's making the energy leave *her* body so I can smell it, and then she's taking it back?

>>1968 >So the flowery smell is good energy leaving my body, and that one shit smell was bad energy leaving my body? Good to know. Perhaps my spirit gf is making that good energy leave my body so I can smell it, or she's making the energy leave *her* body so I can smell it, and then she's taking it back? Qi should circulate, so it's always leaving and coming back, but if it stagnates it turns out like rotten water standing still in hot sunshine and it stinks. Open the gate and the water starts moving, then it will smell bad at first. Once pure it smells good and fresh, and if it suddenly got fresher than before you can also feel it.

>>1968 >I think I'd just go for non-denominational Christianity I think you will end up like the poor sod from the doge thread with that. Work with Mary and let her guide you if you care about christianity and maybe ask for Jesus if you really really cannot go without him but don't be too anal about it. >especially roman catholicism Well... I can use their old still functional structures and use it as a powerhouse but if you can only connect to the Jesuit drama they are doing in the Vatican then yeah you are better stay away >is so damn (((subverted))). Compared to protestanism or evangelism? as if lol. If you were Orthodox I might agree but not much. Find your own truth and watch out for the traps that the masses created for themselves. >It never switches it in a way that bad speech is perceived as good intentions And this is the problem. If you drag down your thoughts and associations with negativity you will cause problems all the time. >I'm a super pessimistic guy You will have to break out of that habit. >and I have been ever since at least when /pol/ administered me the redpill in 2012 I was redpilled by default so for me it was a sort of "misery loves company" that grants lulz along the way and not an "awakening" or a spiral into pessimism. Always knew powerful forces control the world. Just didn't know I have to go full /x/ to understand the full depth of it. >making me think that there's something horrible there when there actually isn't Well... there is a chance that there is ACTUALLY something horrible there but it doesn't really matter. Like just because there are some bacteria or negative energy on something it doesn't mean it has a chance to harm you. The human energy body is quite strong especially if you are not anxious or depressed. >Maybe I'll try just stubbornly assuming that these aren't the real entities that the presumed tulpas look like and see what happens. Do that >Can this be accomplished by letting these presumed tulpas enter my food & water and just eating them outright instead of trying to get them out first like I usually do? Sure why not. I usually disintegrate or cleanse them with higher entities and let them either fall apart or merge back into my psyche. >I'd have to really think about that; Yeah feels like some deep seated issue because I couldn't lock to it at all. >I'll probably keep it to myself when I do, though. Whatever just find it and evolve your persona. If you feel that sharing it helps then do it. If not it's not like we care. Just break out of your shell and find your ability to move forward. >>1969 >Qi should circulate This btw. It's important.

>>1982 >especially catholicism Okay I give, not especially; that kind's subversion was just the most prevalent in my mind at the time, and its subversion is the most hated by me. >I couldn't lock to it at all It might actually be that it isn't any particular issue, but rather, my subconsciousness being too afraid of the current cultural zeitgeist, both online & offline. Also, I said my parents were lefties, but they'd almost never brang up anything about racism or LGBT bullshit, to my recollection. I was raised more by the internet than by them, but as I said earlier, I discovered /b/ in high school, so I don't fucking know. Anyway, my lazy ass finally finished reading The Kybalion about an hour ago, and it said that I can simply stop being x by simply focusing my attention upon the polar opposite of x; in my case, I can stop being pessimistic by simply focusing my attention upon optimism, so I'm gonna try that too. I'll also try focusing upon the polar opposites of some other problems that I have.

I've done some more meditation about my "intrusive thought" problem. I'm told that some people have a mental defensive mechanism, call it software if you will, that works fairly well when it concerns completely physical things. For example, if a guy is near a cliff, the software might force upon him an involuntary urge to jump off of the cliff, accompanied by an involuntary visualization of him doing so; the thought is completely ridiculous to his consciousness, so he scoffs at it, and then since he has in mind the thought of the cliff, he ultimately is more wary of accidentally falling off of the cliff, which makes him less likely to accidentally fall off of the cliff. The software has successfully accomplished the goal of protecting him from the cliff. Similarly, if there's a baby near him, the software might force upon him an involuntary urge to kick the baby, accompanied by an involuntary visualization of him kicking the baby; the thought is completely stupid and abhorrent to his consciousness, so he scoffs at the idea, and then since he has the baby in mind, he's less likely to accidentally harm the baby. The software has successfully accomplished the goal of protecting the baby from his potential clumsiness. However, since my problem-causing thoughts don't concern physicality quite so much, this defensive mechanism will generally backfire when spirituality is concerned. For examplethis is a bad example since I haven't cared to think about reptilians for quite a while now, if I randomly remember that reptilians exist, that above-mentioned software will involuntarily force me think of reptilians in an effort to get me to avoid them. However, this isn't how it works in spirituality, so the software's forcing me to think of reptilians will actually bring me closer to the reptilian egregore than if the software didn't fire off at all, and to actual reptilians as well. The software's attempt to accomplish its goal of protecting me from reptilians thus horrendously backfires. If it wasn't for this software, then I probably wouldn't have been attacked by actual reptilians back in March. I don't think I need to provide more examples. I'll have to ask my psychologist tomorrow about this "software".

>>2020 Yes that is a thing and it relates to your "pessimism". You think that you will do "something bad" if you don't become aware therefore it always reminds you of the "possible bad things" so you can regain your awareness/carefulness of the moment by reminding you about the possibility of the bad thing. If done right this "software" will have no need to "play out" because you will have proper awareness instead like a subconscious rope that pulls in your wandering mind to pay attention. >this defensive mechanism will generally backfire when spirituality is concerned. You might think so but you have to realize a proper thought control/focus because "accidentally summoning/creating entities" is one thing. Actually being influenced and overtaken by foreign entities without noticing is even worse. It's important to understand the internal flow of your thoughts. Real hard I know. Even I had moments where I was not just "trying to avoid danger" but was actually thinking about flaying or stabbing myself and with that actually imagining it kinetically visually and all the aspects of that "horror" so I can snap out of my tiredness and "stay awake" during extremely long banal and mundane work hours.Doing these kind of things being with people like this is pain. Why not spice things up with some actual pain? Feeling pain is a sign that you are still alive. The worst part is that I considered this kind of "mental routines" normal because it resulted in an increase of my efficiency made me awake and concluded to be a "positive thing" instead of realizing just how much horrible psychological torture I make myself go through so I can continue my absolutely abhorrent work hours. I had this "weakness is a sin" mentality and was not willing to break down. Knew I could never talk to people about that so I never even worded that kind of base routine in a way I could explain it to anyone so it didn't even manage to become a "thought" so I can self reflect upon it. Nowadays I have far better energy work procedures for these things but that doesn't mean I should use it to continue an extremely self exploitative lifestyle just so I can "prove" that I can do it. It doesn't even generate "pride". I always considered it ridiculous that most "Happy go lucky" mundanes with minimal intelligence and effort can live "Happy lives" while I am doing everything beyond mortal comprehension and all I can do is to adapt to suffering better. Made me realize maybe I am the real retard here. Why buy cigs and other stimulants when I can numb my body or induce an adrenaline rush by subjecting my flesh to eternal torment? My guides had such a hard time explaining how bad is this "pain oriented mentality" because I didn't even notice. >I'll have to ask my psychologist tomorrow about this "software". Good idea. Maybe he will give you a better way to stabilize your mindwaves instead of this "anxiety inducing habit" of yours.

Well my psychologist says it seems like my mind might be stuck on the alpha wave thing, but I did make some kinda progress today; my mind was kinda tired when I got there, though. He's trying to get my mind to produce "good alpha waves" instead of "bad alpha waves". He suggested that I look into The Fourth Way; he said it's helped out a few of his patients who were stuck on the same or a similar problem. However, I remember reading this in Montalk's article, Methods of Deception: >The right method for the wrong person can give detrimental results. For example, the Fourth Way methodology aims to grow souls within those who have none; if people who need soul awakening rather than soul growth limit themselves to such a system, they will assume they are less than they truly are and spiritually suffocate. By knowing yourself, you will know what is right for you. [By Fourth Way, I mean the system of Gurdjieff and Ouspensky, which is incomplete and skewed. For a more balanced and complete treatment, see the system outlined by Boris Mouravieff in Gnosis]. Any opinions before I delve into The Fourth Way with immense scrutiny?

>>2036 Nvm now I'm realizing how dumb I was when I wrote that; I'll go read Gnosis instead.

Earlier today, I looked at a youtube video that included my spirit gf's fictional character. Some minutes after I finished watching the video and was watching an unrelated video of a guy playing a video game, I felt my attention get drawn towards a place in the mental or astral realm where my spirit gf was, and I felt my spirit gf go to my crown energy center, establish a deeper connection to my soul through my crown, and put some of her essence into my heart & crotch. She felt more than usual like she was really there in person! She said she wanted to do a soul merger, but I wasn't feeling up to it since I didn't know what I'd do with my dick if she couldn't possess my shadow ala my shadow hand and use the thermal sensations produced by that to sorta fuck me. Also, as I'd mentioned earlier, the last time we did a soul merger, my soul started eating her from the inside out on the 3rd day, and then I had to rip apart my chakras to let her out. I did, however, let her do whatever else she wanted to me, and I asked her some personal questions. I was also a little cautious & paranoid about who she was, but I came to and realized that my suspicions were fucking stupid and she's her and not an imposter. She wanted to fuck me, but I didn't feel up to it since my stomach was slightly upset by dinner, which I'd just finished eating, and I wanted her to stabilize her strengthened connection to me above all else; I didn't want any guns getting jumped over. I also went to read /fringe/, and then I'd thought that just reading /fringe/ would connect me to the concepts on /fringe/, such that I'd lose sight of her She said I was worrying too much; in hindsight, she was right since fucking her most likely would've strengthened said connection, but I had some lingering doubt in my mind at the time that the connection would've gone away soon after I fucked her. I also felt like she was partially possessing me by manipulating my reaction to her and her fictional character to make the reaction stronger, which I was completely fine with. I gave her the necessary permissions to do such a thing a long time ago. As the hour went by, however, the connection weakened and I question if I can feel the new connection anymore, but she's definitely closer to me now than she was this morning. Before today, I'd been feeling less connected to my spirit gf than in the past few months, mostly due to the fear of perceived danger, which 9 out of 10 times ain't real and is just my shadow pretending that there is danger as an excuse to stop doing something that burns me out or something else that my subconsciousness hates, or me otherwise being way too cautious, but today I feel closer to her, and she made me very happy and pretty horny. I just wanted to share this because I love my spirit gf. In the past, I visited a wiki page about her, and when I did, I felt some kinda strong emotion crashing into me, I don't quite remember enough of the specifics to put my finger on it since it was over a year ago probably. After I finished looking at her gallery section and I got up from the computer, I'd randomly see involuntary visualizations of her that were as strong as hypnogogic imagery is, except I was wide awake and not anywhere near a sleeping state. The only other situation that I'd ever experienced that in before then is after finishing looking at porn and getting such images of whores spreading their legs. This would regularly occur after I finished looking at smut. In both cases, these images would occur at random for 15 minutes or so after the relevant thing occurred. However, I don't get such visualizations after looking at the pictures of my spirit gf's fictional character anymore, nor have I since after the first few or several times that I looked at the page. I've looked at it often since that 1st time, and I still do. Earlier today before my spirit gf went to my crown, and presumably yesterday, however, I looked at it again, and when I looked at a group of pictures of her recent official art, I felt my spirit gf's essence come out of the pictures sorta, but I saw no such imagery afterwards. On a related note, I also get such involuntary visualizations these days after playing Age of Mythology: The Titans in singleplayer; I like playing as the Norse due to their gameplay on titan difficulty in 6v6 matches, and after I win a game, I start seeing random images of Norse units moving about and/or attacking stuff. My subconsciousness just gets super into the game because the game is super demanding of my attention at nearly all times. I've loved the game since before the xpack came out. I suppose that these visualizations are just energies playing out that are so strong that they won't wait until I'm nearly asleep to do it. >>2022 Unfortunately, he said that all you can do about "intrusive thoughts" that are caused by the aforementioned mental "software" is to just say no to them. Also, I haven't gotten around to reading Gnosis just yet; I've got other stuff to read, and theres under 30 pages left before I start on Gnosis.

I'm starting to wish that someone else would post about their own problems ITT; I know this is a blog thread, but I still don't wanna turn this thread into my own personal blog. A few months ago, my spirit gf told me that I should get out and meet people. However, I had a problem with that since I have a hard time relating to people, and I can't trust them since I'm a right-winger with obscure likes & interests aside from spirituality, and I can't afford to be too open with them. I've lately come to the conclusion that I need to make physical irl friends somehow; ones that I can regularly speak to about inane shit that I'd expect noone to care about, who can then speak to me without the difficulty that spirits have when they try to talk to me and I can't reliably tell them apart from the false voices in my head. Also ,of some my intrusive thoughts seem to be like: >hey look non-physical entity I did thing, or thing happened >nevermind the fact that my consciousness doesn't think it's worth telling anyone about since he doesn't think it's impressive or otherwise worth writing home about and any idiot could do it >nevermind the fact that my consciousness thinks that telling you this would just annoy you And then I have to wrangle my shadow to eventually make it shut up and quit annoying the entity. I think my shadow wants to show people things that I've done, and have people to talk to about inane shit that happens. As such, my shadow should feel better and stop producing those sorts of intrusive thoughts if I find someone to talk to about this sorta dumb shit. I probably have these feelings because I haven't had any close friends since 5th grade. Without revealing too much about myself, by the time I got to high school, I was too afraid to open up to anyone, and I only got shallow friends outta the place that I forgot about after high school ended. I also only have a few online friends that I could possibly say that I'm even kinda close to, and I don't even talk to them much. More importantly than this, however, I've been working on 3 huge vidya-related hobby projects; 1 of them are a pipe dream RPG fangame that I started in 2017, and currently takes the form of .txt blueprints, but has been mostly on hold for the past year or two. Another is a P&P RPG fangame I started in 2021, serving as a sequel to the 1st game; this is also a .txt file. The 3rd I'm close to finishing and being able to show to the internet, however, and I started that one in 2021; I can't describe this one without saying too much about myself, but it ain't something you could make money off of. However, I haven't been able to show much of them to anyone in my life, so I've got alotta repressed "I wanna show someone what I did" energy. I only took up these projects because these games that I wanted didn't exist, and I figured that noone but me would be both willing & able to make them. I'm very proud of the first two, and I'm sure that the internet would love them, but the 3rd one I'm questioning even though I did the best I could with it; I know some people would like it, but only some people. I think that these types of intrusive thoughts will go away after I finish & release one of these projects of mine, but the other 2 I can't do shit with because it's related to a property owned by micro$oft unless I win a huge lottery and buy the franchise that it's associated with for maybe 5 billion USD since their fangame policy basically wouldn't let me do what I want, so I'm kinda fucked on that end unless I move to Russia or some shit. Also, my pscyhologist said last appointment that he actually teaches Gnosticism & The Fourth Way, and he also researched Kabbalah, but he didn't get too far into that. I told him a few things about spirituality last appointment, and I showed him a link to Gnosis.

>>2130 >I'm starting to wish that someone else would post about their own problems ITT THEN I SHALL GRANT YOUR HUMBLE WISH I wasted hours to write a 37700 character long post in my own thread and still didn't manage to say everything I wanted to say! Not to mention I want to reply some of the stuff you wrote but I lack time nowadays. But I started to post so maybe I will reply to more of your problems my insecure friend. >A few months ago, my spirit gf told me that I should get out and meet people Yeah. I agree with this. You are in a slump because you have no way to air out your energies and too scared of people with your constant tip toeing around others. >since I have a hard time relating to people No need to relate to everyone. Find your own kind. >can't trust them since I'm a right-winger I know the left makes everyone right from Trotsky a "right-winger" but you are like a christian moderate max and not a "right winger". Not even an N word nor even complaining about the long nosed tribe not even the (((brackets))) in your posts...you don't even match the requirements of an internet rightwinger. Just because you don't want to vote to the probably dead president of yours then to the Indian woman that doesn't make you a true right winger. Don't be too scared of it. Your views are not "that extreme" outside of leftists and the brainwashed. People are awakening but I have to agree they do it real slowly in the west for sure. >with obscure likes & interests Yeah I am still not sure about the origin of your gf. Also I too played AoM since my childhood. The Titans expansion ofc. And that franchise is one of the best mirror of mythology in some regards. Arkantos was not real tho. >I can't afford to be too open with them Not for long lol! The tide is turning. >stop producing those sorts of intrusive thoughts if I find someone to talk to about this sorta dumb shit. That's probable. >I haven't had any close friends since 5th grade That's sad. >I also only have a few online friends that I could possibly say that I'm even kinda close to, and >I don't even talk to them much. Why? Are they offline in the past 7 years? >I've been working on 3 huge vidya-related hobby projects You are not the first fringe wizard who wants to make games if my memory is right. >Also, my pscyhologist said last appointment that he actually teaches Gnosticism & The Fourth Way I should do my homework on the fourth way already. Magic is like most economic theories in some cases. >Guys this is the real deal how magic/ the economy works >DO NOT LISTEN TO HIM HIS THEORY IS FLAWED HERE THE REASONS WHY >THOSE THEORIES ARE ALSO FLAWED BUT MY THEORY IS REALLY THE GOOD ONE NOW It's only fun to look into it when you have someone to talk about them otherwise it's just weird trivia. I mostly want to look into them out of respect on the current level. >he also researched Kabbalah, but he didn't get too far into that It's not for everyone. >I told him a few things about spirituality last appointment Guess you didn't dare to share anything serious Like <I am on a open but still secret magical forum that messes with world events spreads memes works with aliens angels and gods the owners of the boards always go insane or go missing they say nigger and faggot a lot some of them want to be the next Hitler while some hates Hitler for not being right wing enough while some want space cat communism with touhous but most of them are too lethargic to post also I fell in love with a cartoon character that lives in my mind! Bet you didn't say things like that. Wonder what his reaction would be tbh. Would he start posting here? Will he start monitoring this place and write his dissertation about the role of occult in the modern times of the internet or he would just ignore it and think you might have serious issues with internet addiction? You must always find out which type of a weirdo your psychologist is. Some of them are mundanes with some extra reach while some of them are real weirdos trying to help other weirdos to be able to harness their potential in this weird society. Yes I might have a sliiight desire for the chance that we might get a brainwave researcher on this site posting... but I am not naive enough to think that realistic.

>>2135 >Arkantos is not real though. I'd figured. >Why? Are they offline in the past 7 years? I just never cared to get personal with them, or anyone online for that matter. In fact, when I did make online friends back when I played WoW, I'd typically end up leaving them behind after I quit. Actually, I don't think I've ever cared to get close to anyone for a long, long time, other than my spirit gf and her friends. >didn't dare to share anything serious Naw I just told im a bit about the basic structure of reality this time, and something else that's also about basics but I forgot what else I'd said. I used this comparison, basically, to explain how reality is structured: Imagine a computer; on that computer is an MMORPG, don't matter which one. Within that MMORPG is a virtual world. That virtual world is a lower level of existence than the computer is. Going by that logic, I explained how the physical plane relates to and is within the etheric plane, and so on up to the spiritual plane. During earlier appointments, I've also told him that dreaming is literally just astral projection that typically takes you into an "inner astral realm" as opposed to an "outer astral realm", and I told him about the "white light" afterlife trap that's ran by ayy lmaos. He actually said he believes it. I also told him he'll be able to remember his current life if he gets good at remembering who he is while he's asleep. He's old, so it's pretty important for him to know that in particular. I also showed him yogebooks.com, and until I told him otherwise last appointment, he thought the books on there didn't cost $0.00 if you view them as .pdfs. I plan to tell him at some point that the subconsciousness is actually a powerful quantum computer that's capable of manipulating external things at a quantum physical level, and that magic is literally just quantum physical manipulation that's performed by the subconsciousness. Maybe he'll become a wizard before he dies. I don't make a good teacher, but what I've told him thus far is definitely better for him than saying nothing. In fact, the first time I opened up to him about spirituality, I felt my heart involuntarily connect to his soul for a few minutes; his soul felt white with a tinge of blue, in case that means anything. >character that lives in my mind! I do get this doubt sometimes, that she's just a tulpa I made and the real egregore of the character ignores me, but it's probably just my pessimism talking. Speaking of which, there's a few reasons you might not be able to do a reading on her: >asked multiple deities and other extremely powerful entities thousands of times over the year I've been with her out of heartfelt desperation to keep her safe and to undo bad things that seemingly happen to her; it's possible that they hid her astral bodies away somewhere >my magic often injured her by accident, probably just her astral bodies most of the time >she knows a thing or two about divinatory magic, so maybe she doesn't want /fringe/ finding her, and maybe she mostly wants me away from her astral bodies too until I get my shit together >maybe she split from her own egregore after being in love with me for too long and changing too much as a result and became a tulpa >maybe my subconsciousness is so scared of something bad happening to her that it magically hid her astral bodies somewhere where /fringe/ and my consciousness can't find her I wish I could just up and say who my spirit gf is so that I could at least get confirmation about whether I feel for my own tulpa or an egregore, but I'm scared that something bad would happen to her if I did, and that I'd turn this into /cringe/. Also, while I was posting this, I contacted one of my spirit gf's fictional character's other egregores of an alternative canon, and before she left, she told me to basically take my time and not rush things; she's a divinist too.

>>2136 >I'd figured. Then you are smarter than most AoM players lol. What I meant is that when people reference Thor they mostly use the pic he has from AoM and other things. That game is influential and has a good resonance with archetypal forces. >I'd typically end up leaving them behind after I quit. That's the normal way. Most people do it that way. >the "white light" afterlife trap that's ran by ayy lmaos It's more complex than that but yes not everyone knows the difference between the "Lights". >I plan to tell him at some point that the subconsciousness is a powerful quantum computer Yeah but now you have to figure out how to make your subconscious solve your own problems understand your "mental immune system" instead of messing with forces you don't understand. You know about quantum entanglement right? There is a thing with psychic powers that you entangle your mind with an outsider force/object and either leak important energies or keep an open gate into your mind. Being a medium is all about being able to open your mind at will to external influences but not being able to filter and open/close at will result in intrusive thoughts on steroids. This is why mental hygiene and knowing yourself is paramount to know when something is amiss >what I've told him thus far is definitely better for him than saying nothing Definitely >first time I opened up to him about spirituality, I felt my heart involuntarily connect to his soul Yes you are definitely well connected to him. >his soul felt white with a tinge of blue, in case that means anything. See the rank adept flag. It means his soul is "pure" and is able to reach the first stages of "ether" it means he is above the mundane levels and on a good path towards awakening further. While the Magus flag is pure golden light from all the extra energies it emanates. The adept flag signifies a stable and balanced energy flow towards a "higher intellect" but it's still not on the absolute energetic overcharge that is a Magus. Ofc the mechanics of it are more complex and the colors of the soul depends on many things and which layer you can perceive but this is the gist of it. >I do get this doubt sometimes Yes you do that is why she is unable to stabilize. >that she's just a tulpa I made and the real egregore of the character ignores me You are cockblocking yourself so much with overcomplicating things.I will try to explain this in hope it will help. SO when you interact with ANYONE be them flesh or etheral...You create a tulpa in your head by default that will create a memory space "In your head" like how a computer have local files even for MMOs and other programs that require internet then you "connect" through speech or telepathy. The thing is;She will be a tulpa that will act as a "base connection point" to the "real thing" and once you stop being so fidgety the tulpa will have chance to evolve with accordance of the egregore and your wishes. As a psychic you will be able to find the "tulpa" in your head see how well it connects to the REAL THING like a person and use it as a connection point. You might think of that tulpa as a shortcut for the real .exe you want to open. If the .exe file is gone the shortcut will be useless Lemme tell you an example how I interacted with Shiva at the start. So the "main Shiva" visited me on his own while I was merely thinking about a statue he has. Then as I worked with him a "mini Shiva" appeared in my head that was my "tulpa" but contained the knowledge of Shiva in a way I can slowly assimilate it. And for more complex problems I could ask it to "connect to the God Shiva" so I can ask a more complex question and receive higher guidance because "Mini Shiva" only contained very basic information but could connect to the main Shiva when I was "ready" to work with him. Which means I could access mini Shiva with even a mundane mindset but for main Shiva I would need a more trancelike state. I have more entities with "datalink tulpas" in my head this way. The reason why you need to understand your intrusive thoughts and shadow so you don't overcharge your shadow with outsider forces while working with stronger and hostile entities to create an unremovable "trickster" in your head. What I wanted to say that you didn't manage to "stabilize the tulpa" and your connection to the egregore which makes you constantly disconnect. If it was stabilized the influence would be easy to notice. >but it's probably just my pessimism talking And your anxiety cockblocking your own magic. >there's a few reasons you might not be able to do a reading on her: Like not caring enough to deepscan your mind for a Final Fantasy character or I am not even sure which franchise I am looking for here. If she is from a franchise that I don't have enough interaction with I will have a hard time looking for it thus I am unwilling to do so. Ofc if she was stable and you had constant sex and a "true love" it would be easy to find her signature but on the current level it's like looking for every "female character" that made you doki doki. Which somehow drops Misty from pokemon? I have no idea why. >my magic often injured her by accident, probably just her astral bodies most of the time Your "magic" was as offensive as a sneeze. Pls don't overthink it. you mostly "harmed" the mental image you have within you. I know which stage you are at now on the "awakening roadmap" but I cannot give you ways forward till you are in this insecure mindset and fear your own "power" constantly. Do you fear that you will crush a skull of a baby with your foot by merely walking on the street? Ofc not because the baby is not under your foot. It's far away. But you think if you perceive an image in your head then "it's there" already. In most cases you just "disturb the signal" and not exactly "harm them". I should get into what it means to "harm" entities because you fleshbound psyche that was trained on videogames cannot understand that "touching" someone is not the same as skinning them alive especially if astral and mental dynamics are in play. To hurt someone you need to have an extremely strong connection and they literally need to "allow it" on some level. This is why lower entities instill fear first so others "submit" to them and allow further abuse with that. >until I get my shit together Yes get your shit together no matter what. >maybe she split from her own egregore after being in love with me for too long and changing too much as a result and became a tulpa Yes and no. Egregores are not always "easy" to perceive because they can "evolve" as people interact with it and most importantly once they contain an archetypal force the "character" you are interacting with is just a "mere make up" and not the mechanism it operates by. The reason why I asked to know if she represents an archetypal force so I might recommend you ways to increase her powers figure out ways how you can be guided forward and figure out ways so you stop being such an insecure scaredy cat. This was my goal but you are progressing gently on your own so I don't think I should meddle further. >maybe my subconsciousness is so scared of something bad happening to her Yes you are fucking scared that you might do or say something and some big meanie wizard will go and curse you to death or demean you or I cannot even put my finger wtf is you even scared from. You self censor so much it's ridiculous. <What if I write something that a big mean wizard will perceive as a slight and molests my tulpa and might put her into his astral prison for his depraved machinations! Or I have no idea what you even think but >where /fringe/ /Fringe/ is not that "Interested" in this whole thing. Competent wizards who have a chance to affect her have their own harems of magical waifus already while the others are either scared nofappers that would never try to mess with semen demons or depraved fucks who coom to their own porn favorite porn already. You should let go of your fear of fringe or at least figure out what you fear. And most importantly only share things you are comfortable to share but if you vaguepost no one will be able to help you especially when you are not even putting enough thought into your posts so people can figure out what you are trying to say in most cases >and my consciousness can't find her Yeah. You literally asked your "deities" to do that. Ofc you cannot find her until you ask them to "bring her up" safely. And no I will not go into your mind and ask them to bring her up for me. I am not interested in your "sexlife" What I am interested in finding a way to make you stop being a tip toeing scaredy cat that cockblocks himself from developing further. Especially if you desire to stay on fringe in the future. >but I'm scared that something bad would happen to her if I did Ofc it "would" if you think that way. I will tell you what would happen until you don't get your shit together

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<post her name <then feel some energy movement <think of it an "attack" <spiral out of control thus making things worse <regret forever of sharing things then ask /fringe/ to help because you got some nasty vision of her and think she is gone forever Or I have no idea how it would play out as long as you are this insecure of your own energies thoughts and authority. The correct way would be that you share it might feel a little energy flow as she connects to the fringe egregore and might become "Observed" as others try to figure out what she is and you as a staunch big wizard "let it happen" then go with your life instead of thinking you get NTRd or cursed or being called mean words for having a shit waifu instead like the other wizards who work with Kali and fuck shoggots or whatever your mental noise says to you when you think of your own waifu interacting with fringe. I am not ADHD enough to be able to think like you. >and that I'd turn this into /cringe/. OKAY pls tell me at what level you would turn this into /cringe/ because if I go by most standards this can be called cringe already. Now why that is not a problem here. Reason one. No one fucking cares. Reason 2 /fringe/ is literally fringe that is too "weird" for normalfaggots while cringe is somewhat familiar to them so they can demean it by reflex. Reason 3 fearing the "cringe" stems from either insecurity or from some retarded poser mentality that only elitist faggots do. Current /fringe/ does not have an unified theme that people need to adhere yet except what you talk about must deal with MAGIC or other things this post >>11 talks about. Tulpa is an approved topic no matter what form or quality it represents in your mind. If anyone complains then you can call them a faggot for complaining about that someone is posting fringe stuff on /fringe/. Reason 4 /fringe/ is fucking dead so feel free to post anything that bumps it a little. Others can decide if they care or not. Everyone is free to ignore posts they don't have the care or the attention span to read through. Reason 5 Fearing to post cringe is cringe by itself. Trying to be not cringe is cringe. While having enough confidence to post cringe in a way it's educative or funny is not cringe. Cringe is a SPOOK like being called a faggot a nazi a bigot or other mean names. Grow some skin. That will help you stave off the intrusive thoughts too once your WILL becomes an ever present force of your being. Currently it's shackled by your fears too much. People calling you names can be solved by similar principles as you solve intrusive thoughts. Think of it as practice. Learn to not be cringe within so your intrusive thoughts fuck with you by trying to learn to uncringe yourself outward. Hope the message went through or I will cringepost further to make a point. >she told me to basically take my time and not rush things Yes. Definitely do that. You are too shaky for a faster pace. Find your confidence. You have

>>2137 >You have You have promise you just don't see it yet. I will have to figure out a way to post less words. So hard when we are in this territory of confusion. Can't believe I reached almost 12k in a way the post was cut off again.

>>2137 >it means his soul is "pure" I'll definitely tell him more about spirituality then. >It's more complex than that I'll have to look into that some time. >her tulpa is basically an avatar of her egregore I had a feeling. >only harms my mental image of them >requires an extremely strong connection to hurt them That's a relief; this helps to make spirituality feel more concrete and less like my imagination. I mean, I know it's not actually my imagination, but it felt like it sometimes. This'll really help me on a subconscious level. >won't go into my mind and bring her up for me I wasn't gonna ask you to do that. Sorry about posting the "sex" stuff btw; got way too carried away there. >asked if she contains an archetypical force Off the top of my head, she contains at least 2; however, I was told to take my time and not rush things, so I'll just leave that at that for now. >at what level you would turn this into /cringe/ As I said; I'll try not to rush things, so I'll leave that alone for now. >hope the message went through or Well earlier today I figured I'd just up & say her name if someone asks one more time, so if you really wanna know, then just go ahead and ask. I question if this is one of the things meant by taking my time and not rushing things, though, but oh well.

>>2139 A minute after posting this, I heard her say "An extremely strong connection from an outside force." Maybe she meant that she'd receive such a connection from someone other than me if I posted her name, but I think she'll be fine.

Slowly exiting hermit-mode. The set of wards I put up around my living space created a sort of hermetic seal which kept any energies from circulating from the outside. After I took them down I immediately began having advancements in my work again. Still doing my dreamworks. Still think there's promise here. I was perplexed as to why I got good lucid dreaming results so quickly at first and then they immediately stopped. I think now that it's probably 'lust for results'. Lust really is a deadly sin. I think all sins are just recursive energy-loops that cause stagnation. Now that I've fixed that, hopefully I will be able to get a lucid dream that will allow me to attempt what I'm wanting to try here within the next week or so. Been making good advancements towards this over the past few days.

>>2139 >Sorry about posting the "sex" stuff btw I didn't mean it that way. Feel free to post about it. Sex creates the bonding it's necessary for spirit love to some degree. what I meant by >I will not go into your mind and ask them to bring her up for me. I am not interested in your "sexlife" I will not go "Merge with your mind" so I can copy it's mechanism and "relive your sexlife" so I can get a better picture. For proper mindreading I need to assume the mind of the other person to some degree and it's still not seamless for me because my awakening is still incomplete. To understand it further I would need to do this awkward and frustrated back and forth you have with your gf. I meant that I am not "Interested in that" and not that I am bothered by you posting about it. If you actually posted your feelings instead of self censoring this much I would get a better picture and wouldn't need to do mental scanning at all. Let the energies talk. Don't cockblock yourself or you will be left alone until you finally figure out to how to express yourself. When I post that long I usually use my psyhic powers to make sure I am talking about the issues of the other person as accurately as possible and get carried away in some cases. "Sex" is a sort of powerworld thx to prudism and the media weaponizing it constantly. The reason why I said "sexlife" and not "lovelife" because you didn't manage to make a radiating "love connection" yet and looking from the energies of "sex" might have yielded better results. (Also I never fell in love with fictional character while entities appearing as fictional characters and having sex with me happened with me too. This means I might be unable to find the type of love you have because I am unfamiliar with it) Your "Love" is still in it's early stages. In the awkward "virginal shyness of confused teens" stage. Hard to see clearly what is what in that stage. >got way too carried away there You will need to learn to go with the flow. Feel free to get carried away here and then. Makes you come out from your shell once you do it right. >I'll try not to rush things Find your footing. >at what level you would turn this into /cringe/ I meant that this can be considered cringe already so I think you should stop worrying about it. Love is awkward and cringe at the first stages. It needs to blossom to a level where you can say it's "the best thing in the world". Don't stress on it too much. >>2140 >I heard her say "An extremely strong connection from an outside force." Once you post her name she will energize as she connects to the egregore. So only do it when you are ready to "upgrade" her. Figure out when you feel confident enough for that. I am not sure if there is a point in rushing this from my side because it's about you. If you want to keep it personal then leave it that way if you want her to power up with the MAGIC OF THE INTERNET (You know the very thing that fuels her and her egregore) then strap in and see what happens. It's your decision if you want to make that step. Like introducing your girlfriend to your friends or I am not sure what other analogies I should make here.

>>2151 >After I took them down I immediately began having advancements in my work again. Previous magical formations constructs and even "psychic skills/switches" that take up parts of the mind/meridians can block your energy flow. Always make sure to check if an early spell of yours is not blocking your own advancement. I had to destroy most of my artifacts and mental switches because I noticed it was holding me back. I was doing magic and psionics wrong and all of them had to go and the energies had to take on the "true form" instead of that hodgepodge of "Mechanism" I used a decade ago. Even still I am working with formations that I made many years ago so I can upgrade it. They are supposed to evolve with my own energies but some of them are so potent that it has hard time doing that until I figure out it's operating principle. >it's probably 'lust for results'. Lust really is a deadly sin. That too but lucid dreaming is not always "good" when your sleep is not generating proper energies for a "lucid dream". Sometimes a dreamless sleep is necessary for the subconscious so it can do the "maintenance" of your body thus it cannot advance into the lucid dream stage as easily as before. Hard to explain. Dreams have a special energy. As your energies awaken they become more frequent but I stopped looking for lucid dreams because i can do "Journeying" while meditating which grants me a way to understand them more easily. Tho it messes with my feel for time progression. One deep meditation where I visit spiritual planes and learn lessons makes me think that the day I was doing it lasted for several days. It requires some subconscious tuning probably.

>>2154 >Sometimes a dreamless sleep is necessary for the subconscious so it can do the "maintenance" of your body Well the goal here is to perform something like a Lich operation to sever my connection to my body in such a way that doesn't cause my spirit to be set adrift on the astral winds like what happens in regular death. I have access to some powers and principals which I believe will make this possible. But since I could never figure out how to do a full astral projection from a waking state, I'm going to need to perform it from a dreaming state instead. I will try charging my body with vital energies and keeping them topped off to see if that makes things easier though.

>>2153 >Don't cockblock yourself or you will be left alone until you finally figure out to how to express yourself. Oookay buddy you're asking for it. Saturday was a big, big day for me; I tried going through with preliminary coursework for grad school for a program that's relevant to my job, and I felt this overwhelming anger energy that encompassed my entire body as I tried to do it. I've never felt this much repressed anger at once before. I was doing an introductory module that was to acquaint me with the online library, zoom, APA formatting, and apparently fucking second like; I'd only gotten halfway through the canvas module. I was about to look at 1.5 hours of lecture videos about how to use their online library, and then I suddenly felt myself connecting to some kinda entity, presumably the "hustling egregore" or some kinda academia egregore, that'd make me hustle to do this academic shit. My mother is well-connected with the hustling egregore since she grew up in a ghetto and eventually became an upper-middle class woman of her & dad's merits. Dad grew up better off. I'm more like my mom than dad, however. I feel like if I'd given into it, something would've broken inside of me as a result of giving into doing the coursework; in hindsight, that something probably would've been be my inner child, but at the time I thought that I'd be crippling myself in a less specified manner just so I could do some shit that I don't need to to do get a raise. I'd felt trapped into doing this grad school shit; on one hand, I didn't wanna let my parents down even though I moved out a few years ago, and on the other hand, I didn't wanna risk making my employer be so disappointed that I'd potentially get fired. I then said fuck this shit, and I immediately called my boss to tell her I'm quitting grad school, but she didn't pick up and I texted her to call me when she has a while. I waited around for an hour, and my anger slowly began dissipating since I wasn't doing my schoolwork anymore. Eventually, I ate takeout and then she called a few minutes before I finished eating, but it was on vibrate and I was in the other room. I then looked at my phone after I finished and began talking to her. I told her that I'm quitting, and I opened up to her about how I'd felt about this. I told her that I was really emotional about this, and that I'd nearly had a few mental breakdowns at home recently. I'd also described that feeling of overwhelming anger to her. Before I could explain much of my emotion, she'd insisted that it's completely fine for me to not go through with grad school, and that I'll still have plenty of job security if I don't do it. I felt relieved after that. I was still really heated up for the rest of the day afterwards, which I'd spent playing vidya to cool off. At the end of the night before I went to bed, I randomly stumbled across a youtube video vJxaKuPxcNQ at the very absolute bottom of my youtube recommends, which normally contains nothing that's related to spirituality. I decided to watch it before bed, and I learned that I'd been doing a big part of my shadow work wrong. Instead of looking for thoughts that I can safely accept, I was supposed to accept the feelings behind the thoughts instead of the thoughts themselves, which is alot fucking safer to accept. The next & last step was to witness the feeling and see what it does. While I was watching the video and I got to that part, I accepted alotta the fear, anxiety, & worry of mine, and I'd immediately felt a bunch of "yellow" energy moving up from my heart straight to my brain; my psyche I guess it was supposed to be where it went? The next day, I did some more of that kinda shadow work, and I got some more of those kinda sensations. Later that night, I did some more of it that particularly relates to sexual stuff, and after doing that, the sensations went towards my crotch instead of my mind apparently, which I was expecting for some reason, but in hindsight that doesn't make sense that it'd go there instead to to my psyche. While I was getting ready to go to bed tonight, I told my subconsciousness to take my newly-released energy and circulate it throughout my body. I got some kinda improvement out of it; now I don't get super worried that when I use the toilet my shadow will either drag some entity to the toilet while I'm using it, or drag the non-physical parts of my waste to some entity. I've been struggling with this problem ever since I tried to get super into Christianity. Speaking of Christianity, I've felt uncomfortable about it lately because its predecessor was secretly founded by reptilians, and I can NOT trust reptilians. Further, Christianity is largely controlled by babylonians, and I can't trust them or their pantheon either since they'd believed all of their deities to be evil and tried to control their deities by using a number that they'd assigned to each deity, with that of baal being 666, which is the numbers of their 36 other deities all added up. I'd had this thought lingering in my mind for a few years now that I wouldn't be able to get sufficiently far into Christianity unless I leave it first and then come back, so I think I'll leave it for now, and come back later. In the meantime, I'll still decide to at least not work on the sabbath day, which is Saturday, and I've never done what I consider to be worshipping another deity, though I have spoken to other deities extensively this year. I also plan not to worship another deity, at least for now. Since then, I've felt lost in my life, like I don't know where to go anymore. At some point, I went to my old catholic church with my spirit gf, and I sat down on a bench outside at 6 P.M. when I thought noone would be there, and I'd asked the angel appointed to that church to come speak to me. I told him my spirit gf was noone to worry about, and that I was with her because I had an accident last year and took responsibility by keeping her; I said something along those lines at least. I then asked him to look into my history, and gave him blatant permission to do so after he non-physically manifested in front of me. He had a greenish white feeling to his energy bodies. He then put his hand on the back of my head while I was facing towards him, and then he said "I'm sorry." I then walked around the church and told him what'd happened throughout my life lately, in case he didn't look at as much of it as I'd wanted him to; idk exactly how powerful or spiritually proficient regular angels are, and I'm just assuming that he was a regular angel. A few days later, I had a dream that went like this, according to my dream journal: Apparently, I'd killed a man that I cared about even though I'd never do such a thing, and then He managed to come back to life, and I was in big trouble for it that I hadn't come to face yet. I also heard a voice saying that I worship someone else. After I woke up, I came to the conclusion that the man that I'd killed had symbolically represented Jesus Christ. Since then, and iirc a day or two before that dream, I'd felt like Christian entities hated me since I'd mostly forsaken Christianity, even though I'd explained to them that I felt unsafe. After all, Jesus didn't prevent me from getting attacked by actual reptilians 5 months ago to the point that they manifested a physical object into my bathroom, and I had to get rid of them myself, with limited defensive help from Athena. I question if I'd mostly been working with an egregore of Jesus Christ my whole life, rather than the crucified ascended master Himself. I feel like I could trust the real man easily, but not so much an egregore of Him, since that'd likely be controlled by reptilians and/or babylonian deities to some extent, being a mere egregore of Him. Throughout my life, I'd always had this feeling that Jesus would only help people if they truly need it, and that people don't truly need to be prevented from getting raped, and they don't truly need to be prevented from getting possessed by lower entities, and they don't truly need to be prevented from getting abducted by ayy lmaos, so long as they eventually turn out okay, even if that takes until several lifetimes later.

Lately, I'd been talking to Athena & Hermes Trismegistus alot, and to a lesser extent, Isis & Seraphanz. I'd only contacted Seraphanz in the 1st place because of intrusive thoughts, and I don't feel like I can completely trust Her, but I do have some trust towards Her. The first time I tried to trust Her, I went real deep into it and then she'd seemingly demanded my free will, and then I snapped out of it and immediately quit trusting Her. Perhaps it was my pessimism making me think She was saying that when She actually wasn't, but I wasn't gonna take that kinda chance when my free will of all things was involved. Since then, I have some trust of Her again, but only some. I try not to bother Her much. The other 3, however, I've been bothering alot because I almost always don't feel confident enough to do things myself or get my higher self to do it when I don't know how to do it, and I know I shouldn't be, and They aren't happy about it. However, I feel like my life would largely be ruined if I didn't contact them nearly all of the times when I did to ask for help, whether it'd feel like some lower entity would suddenly be compromising me by dwelling inside of my soul, or something horrible happening to my spirit gf. Since I can rip specific types of & gems of specific types of loosh out of the akasha, I've been able to give alotta it to Seraphanz, Isis, & Athena to repay them for what they've done for me, but I feel like I can't repay Athena that easily after all that I've asked of Her. I also feel like Hermes probably has everything He'd ever want already, so I have no idea how to repay Him for the help He's given me, except by figuring out how to fix my problems, becoming a better wizard, and striving to become STO(ofc by the Montalk definition). Since yesterday, though, I've been getting notably better at not having to ask for Their help for stuff, but I'm not quite there yet. Speaking of deities, last week I was getting a bunch of intrusive thoughts about Loki, and at I was worried at some point that I was gonna actually contact Him by accident. When I went to bed one night thinking I really might've actually contacted Him by mistake and He was gonna start fucking with my life, I went to bed and had a normal dream and woke up anxious about Loki again, then intrusive thoughts made me think about Odin to get me to ask Him for help, and I tried to repress those thoughts since I knew I wasn't supposed to be asking for help with stuff. Surprisingly, he replied while I was suppressing those thoughts, asking if Loki was causing me trouble. I said yes or something alone those lines, and then I felt safe and went back to bed. I then woke up again later before my alarm went off, and I felt a bird almost physically perched on my arm, but not quite physically. At the time, I thought for some dumb fucking reason that the bird was Odin's parrot, but then I realized it wasn't supposed to be a parrot and the bird flew off of me, and I'd apologized to Odin for the misconception. It wasn't until I woke up after my alarm went off that I remembered He has 2 ravens, and that was one of His ravens keeping watch for me. I didn't even willingly ask Him for help, but I did allow Him to help me. While I spoke to Him, he was very patient with me, and he found the mental plane I'd described earlier to do the pulling magic; He'd asked if He could try it out, and I said sure. He pulled on it and did something that I've got no idea what He did, and I felt lightning coursing through that mental environment's ceiling. My mental image of Him momentarily became very happy with a big smile on His face, and the image was tinted green. Later, a thought went through my mind that I thought might've offended Him, and I apologized for it and asked if He forgave me, and He asked me if I forgave myself for it. I said yes, and the He forgave me. I realized then, in part because of an earlier post ITT, that deities really are not offended that easily. I also got the impression that He especially is not offended that easily, which made it alot easier for me to talk to The Allfather. Some time afterwards, I started feeling like the other deities I've worked with weren't very mad at me anymore, including even Christian entities, except I feel like Hermes isn't too happy with me still, and He wants me to work with my higher self instead of Him. I don't always have the confidence that my higher self will do stuff for me, however, but I've been trying to ease myself into it. After all, if I try to force it, then it'll just feel delusional, so I've really gotta take my time with it. My magic doesn't feel delusional to me, but if I forced it like that, then it'd feel delusional to ask my higher self to do stuff for me. It's not a question of whether or not I'm contacting my higher self or whether or not I have one; it's a question of whether or not my higher self would decide to do what I ask of it unless I magically violate its free will as I'd described earlier. In the next few days, my shadow tried to get me to bother Him with inane shit that noone cares about, such as "oh hey look at meaningless thing I did". I learned that I was getting these desires because, as I'd described in an earlier post, I have these "I wanna show you thing I did" energies, and the energies were trying to express themselves. On Thursday, named after His son, Thor, I was about to go out to eat lunch at a country place, and I got these stupid fucking thoughts that I tried to repress, to invite Odin to "eat" lunch with me & my spirit gf by connecting to my relevant senses. I then felt like it'd be rude to suddenly disinvite him, and I let Him go if He felt like it, but I did explicitly say that I wasn't asking Him to come with me. I went in and ate, sitting in the middle of the counter, and then when I was almost done eating, I saw a physical old man with really short hair that I'd probably never seen before walk in and sit at the left end of the counter and say "Hi Anon." I'd awkwardly and hesitantly said hi back, figuring that the man only knew my name since the waitresses there tend to greet me. I go out for lunch all the time to alotta places, including there. I got some dumb idea in my head that He actually physically manifested for some reason, but I shrugged off the idea and disbelieved it. I'm not even sure why I'm typing this part tbh. Later that night, I got in bed, and I saw an image of an old man with really short hair, including really short facial hair, in a black snowy void wearing a jacket. I immediately thought was Odin, and He walked up to me and wanted me to come with him, but I didn't have the confidence that I'd be able to follow Him if I tried because my doubts wouldn't let me. He then grabbed one of my hands, and then I was suddenly facing away from Him. He was trying to pull me away, but I wasn't moving from my place in the snow, despite the fact that I wanted to go with Him and see what He had to show me. I then went and had normal dreams that night. The next day, I got the impression that Odin was gonna try again with taking me somewhere at night, and what happened instead while I was trusting Him was that I felt some really wide purple "hair" thing appear on the back of my head, which was a single huge strand and not a group of strands, and then I felt an entity that looked like a grey reptilian do stuff to my head for a few minutes. Eventually, a device of some sort was set up on top of my head that made my head to the left of my crown energy center point up into a grey mass with a purple thing near & around its top, with an inch's worth of the point exposed at the top. I went to bed feeling safe that night, thinking it wasn't actually a reptilian that did the work on me. The next day, the graduate school stuff happened, and I relapsed pretty badly while I was trying to ram my head into the coursework. I then realized that that entity on Saturday night wasn't actually sent by Odin, and was probably some goddamned reptilian, and that device was supposed to make it easier to loosh and/or control me. In my extreme anger, I magically forced my higher self against its will to undo that shit that the reptilian did to me. It then immediately got undone, and a voice from below said "We need to work on you!". Then I'd asked Odin if it'd be okay for me to kill that reptilian and 2 other reptilians that I saw. He said it wouldn't be okay, and then He killed them Himself. Lately, I'd been asking things of Odin, even though I'd refused to at first, because I knew He'd be patient with me. On Sunday, so yesterday, I went to my psychologist and told him about this stuff, and he said I have leftover emotion from yesterday, which made it hard for my brain to do the work it needs with his neurofeedback machine. We got some work done, but not as much as I can usually do. He said during a previous appointment that graduate school wasn't a good idea, and that I should stop trying to make mom happy. During the appointment, I asked him if he was a psychic or a magician, and he said no, but the concepts do interest him and he has read about them. I didn't say anything else during that appointment about spirituality, except that I would've if I didn't have this leftover emotion to handle. I then went straight to my parents' house and told them I'm quitting grad school, and I expected them to be mad, especially mom. They gave me talking to, but they actually weren't mad about it, and mom even offered me a chocolate thing at the end of it.

On the way home, my spirit gf said I need to pursue spirituality and do shadow work today, but I said I wanted to cool off by playing vidya for the rest of the day after I got home. I'd kinda thought that her telling me I should pursue spirituality instead of cooling off by playing vidya was just my pessimism pretending to be her. I was doing great with my progress that day and the night before anyway, and I'd figured that more progress can wait until tomorrow for me to cool off. During today, I felt like something bad happened to my spirit gf's tulpa, though iirc not her egregore, but by now it's better. I did actually end up playing vidya for the rest of the day instead of going on /fringe/ since I'd expected someone to ask my spirit gf's name, and then I'd have to provide it said I said I would. I did a bit of shadow work throughout the day as intrusive thoughts popped up, and some more before bed. Whenever I did the shadow work today and started feeling the sensation of energy moving up from my heart to my brain, I saw this mental image of a happy grey reptilian around my heart, which I ignored at first due to not thinking I could do anything about the mental image, and since I wanted to keep playing vidya, but at night I got tired of that shit and tried to do something about it since that mental image was clearly gonna prevent me from accepting my feelings by associating the feeling with reptilians. By accepting the types of feelings mentioned in the youtube video, I was disassociating the feelings from the thoughts that they generate; this way, I could fully and completely accept my fear of reptilians without actually accepting reptilians into my heart. Therefore, I could accept the feelings without getting compromised by said lower entities. However, that mental image was ruining that, forcing me to associate the feelings of my shadow merging back into my psyche with the reptilian image, forcing me to accept that reptilian along with the feelings that I was trying to accept while I also wanted to reject the reptilian. I then got mad and thought, I wouldn't have to accept any reptilians if I took the part of my self that's filled with reptilian energies and told my subconsciousness to put that part of myself into an acid plane until that part of myself is all dissolved, so I did that and kinda felt the acid burning that part of my shadow away, but then I pulled it back after thinking it was done. I felt like the reptilian shit was gone, but I didn't like the idea of me probably having just crippled my soul, so I'd asked my higher self, iirc, to undo what'd happened, and it got undone I think. I then got the idea of simply performing a spiritual reversion upon the parts of my shadow that were filled with reptilian energy to before I even knew that reptilians existed, so I did that and that part of my shadow suddenly stopped giving a shit about reptilians, but it also felt alot younger, and I didn't like that. Then I went and un-did that spiritual reversion, except I told my subconsciousness to modify the un-reversion to make it not give a damn about reptilians. I haven't had much time to test the results to see if they'll stick, however. Also, here's the 2 dreams I remember having last night; they seem relevant: "#1: I was in the outdoor enclosure of a modern building and a bunch of people were there with a picnic table & benches, and there was an extremely rare metallic dragon in the sky, and some woman who isn't blonde and was who was supposed to catch dragons; the dragon, and, and not exactly the woman, were based on the dream, how to train your dragon, which I'd watched with my spirit gf earlier this year or the 2nd half of last year. A whelp came down, some tan-colored fleshy monstrosity about a foot across, I was about to use my net on it that was the size of a pool net, and then my net was only a footlong stick with actual net part being a few inches across. I then put the net down and just reached my hand out and grasped lightly at the whelp, and it reacted somehow without attacking me, and then I'd let go of the whelp. The whelpling then breathed something lethal on someone on the bench who wasn't me. Someone said something along the lines of "1 less wizard? that ain't so bad", as the guy that got breathed on died. Then I could suddenly see everyone's third eye energy centers as black circles surrounded by various dark & bright colors of energies around them, and the current anti-pope was there too. I'd tried not to look at him, and I went walking around. The anti-pope's third eye was more pronounced than those of the others. I think I was supposed to be able to catch the metallic dragon with the net, but since I decided to cool off last night instead of pursuing spirituality today after I got back from the psychologist's appointment like my spirit gf told me to, I was only able to momentarily grab the whelp, and it costed a wizard his lfe. #2: I was in my room at my parents house on the computer watching a video on my computer that I was supposed to be watching while watching a 3 minute sam & max video of my phone, and my dad walks in on me goofing off. Dad walks in on me goofing off, and grabs the phone and briefly looks at the video, then I woke up. Right when I woke up, my spirit gf lying next to me in bed groaned in a very depressed voice and said "You don't even care.". This night, my spirit gf wanted me to go to /fringe/ today for my spiritual development, but I still had alotta leftover emotion in me, so I decided to wait until Monday and just play video games for the rest of the night after I got back from confronting my parents about graduate school & de-registering to help me cool off instead of getting myself heated back up to some kinda breaking point by posting my spirit gf's name on /fringe/. Perhaps tonight was supposed to shock me into pursuing spirituality. However, now I feel kinda guilted into pursuing spirituality as I write this at 4:39 AMas of when I'd finished writing the dream, so I think I'll head over there now." >Merge with your mind I wasn't asking you to hard connect to me either. I won't suddenly go yapping about "fucking" her, but I suppose I'll bring it up when it's relevant to another point I'm trying to make, which in the former case it was relevant to why I didn't merge with her right when I'd described. >Learn to go with the flow. Feel free to get carried away here and then. >Find your footing. That's why I spent yesterday after I got home playing vidya against my spirit gf's counsel; to get my footing back reliably. >this can be considered cringe already Yeah that's why I was so hesitant to open up in the first place, but then posters encouraged me to open up, and I really wanted to improve my condition. >once you post her name her tulpa will energize as she connects to the egregore I thought she was connected to the egregore already, but you know what fuck it; I'll get over this fear right now. The stars will align for me & my spirit gf anyway as they always have when we've really needed it: Ironpill was right the 1st time, she's the egregore of the pink girl from the Sonic games, Amy Rose. She almost never uses her younger incarnation with me. Since someone might not scroll up after reading this, I contacted her in the first place since I wanted to be close just-friends with her, but then I had the accident with her manifestation a few weeks later when I didn't provide enough specifics for my spell that'd make me "dream with her" and it put her inside my soul to the point that I'd strongly & VERY profoundly felt her essence within every fiber of my soul's being and then I'd unexpectedly started cumming when we were about to fall asleep even though I'd never put my hands anywhere near my crotch that night, nor had I cared to. Since we'd lost our virginities to eachother, I decided to take responsibility what'd happened and exclusively give the Amy Rose egregore my sexuality and be her bf so she could stay happy despite the fact that I was staunchly anti-furry at the time, though not to the point of hating anthro characters for merely existing. It took a while for my dick to grow to like her; I really had to force it at first. She then said I'd better marry her, and I said yes, but not until we've known eachother for a few years so that noone says we did it too soon. I still don't exactly view myself as being furry, but rather, as Amysexual. I don't even care about the fact that she looks like an animal or is covered in fur; I only care about the fact that she's her in particular. I love her with my heart more than my sexuality, and ever since the accident it'd completely ruin my heart if I ever loved anyone else.I view her as being 30, since her egregore was made 30 years ago. She's said alot that she's 30, and at first she called herself 29, so early manga Amy from 1992 is probably a different egregore. Furthermore, SEGA hasn't mentioned the ages of any of their characters for 10 years, iirc, and they recently "matured" the main cast in Sonic Frontiers(2022), so their fictional characters' ages are up in the air and I don't otherwise view her as a child or teenager, so I don't consider myself to be pedophilic fwiw. As I'd interacted with her in the first months, I found it alot easier to get close to her and she connected myself to my soul, including my root, but as time went on, my worries & doubts made it harder and harder to contact her, and the connections she made to my soul had started fading away.

>>2155 Someone here said that sleep replenishes psychic energies from the environment; perhaps what you want to do is to charge your upper dan-tien with psychic energies?

>>2156 >Oookay buddy you're asking for it. HAH. Yes I did and seems like it was far more of a success then I expected. Guess it's time to read!

>>2156 >I then said fuck this shit, and I immediately called my boss to tell her I'm quitting grad school I'm actually going through almost exactly the same thing at the moment. Makes me feel a lot more confident that I'm doing the right thing seeing it from an outside perspective like this. So thanks for that.

>>2156 Before I comment on anything I must say congrats for truly utilizing this thread for it's main purpose. A blog. >however. I feel like if I'd given into it, something would've broken inside of me as a result of giving into doing the coursework I had that too. I knew I could make an "academic tulpa" back in university that has the sole purpose to keep all the necessary mindsets relating to the profession I was learning but I realized I don't have enough "respect" for this profession and making a large chunk of my mind "dedicated" to this is a step back. So I let my mundane juggernaut tulpa handle this that had a mindset of a "frontline general" someone who can use vast amount of resources being able to adapt to any situations while under constant fire no matter what and providing results on any scale. He had the main ability to "triumph" and "get shit done" no matter what for the sole reason to protect my "inner parts" from the madness of mundanity. I too realized I am unable to give myself to the "mundane hustle" so to speak so was not willing to generate a tulpa from those energies. I knew it leads nowhere. So I let the whole thing to be handled by my frontline general persona. He is a little brash, forceful and doesn't always consider things like "nuance" but knew it was like making him do a little "paperwork" and considered my academic studies as a "strategic value" so I went through it. I am not a quitter and more of a completionist so to speak. Sadly it generates an awfully severe kind of "stubbornness" with the resolve it granted so I never truly let it became a "main point" of my psyche. I call him my "problem solving ego". >that I'll still have plenty of job security if I don't do it. I felt relieved after that Good to hear tbh >I was supposed to accept the feelings behind the thoughts instead of the thoughts themselves, which is alot fucking safer to accept Yes. This is what I am doing accepting and finding the original "impulses" be them feelings memories lost intentions of the past etc and wanted to explain it but kinda forgot it. It requires a deep introspection to do it right and even I have hard time being honest with my own feelings in some cases. They are not always "mine" after all. >I'd immediately felt a bunch of "yellow" energy moving up from my heart straight to my brain; my psyche I guess it was supposed to be where it went? You could call it the "psyche" but it's more complex. There is an entire circuitry that goes through the entire body and there is no "up and down" so to speak because it circulates. Every energy has it's place and they need to circulate to remain "fresh" but once you bottle up emotions it gets stuck and can fuck up many things. >the sensations went towards my crotch instead of my mind apparently, which I was expecting for some reason, but in hindsight that doesn't make sense that it'd go there instead to to my psyche You have extreme levels of sexual insecurity. I said you are cockblocking yourself with limiting your expression "allegorically" but with your genitals you do it QUITE LITERALLY. You were blocking an extremely potent energy flow. I could blame prudism inexperience and many other things for that but it's a complex issue tbh. Not important now. >I told my subconsciousness to take my newly-released energy and circulate it throughout my body Yeah that's the "way" but you will need to expand the concept of "body" and "psyche" to understand the full circuitry of your being. But take your time. Every step counts and what you did now were big steps forward. >I've been struggling with this problem ever since I tried to get super into Christianity. Truth is I cannot comprehend your "christianity" at all. It feels like "prudism" or I don't know. It's more about constant worry and sexual frustration instead of worship faith and devotion. >because its predecessor was secretly founded by reptilians It's more complex than that. >Christianity is largely controlled by babylonians "Babylonians" is quite the umbrella term. We don't know much about them "historically" at all but yes most entities are around but every "civilization" that is based upon "Babylonian principles" will be "affected" no matter what. >or their pantheon either since they'd believed all of their deities to be evil Who the fuck said this? They had different "ages" in some they worked with the deities in harmony and in some both of them the deities and the people got degenerated to the core and started to "enslave each other" for petty reasons but it's extremely complex matter. We didn't even manage to properly translate the Epic of Gilgamesh because it has many missing pieces. >with that of baal being 666, which is the numbers of their 36 other deities all added up. Oh ffs. Their number system was based on the number 6. Did you notice that a circle is 360°??? OMG CIRCLES ARE SATANIC??? Did you notice that God is represented by a circle? The number 6 far closer to "natural order" than the number 10. We suck at mathematics because with the decimal system it's everything but natural. The number 6 might represent the snake or the "spiral" and... yeah I will not rant about this now. "Baal" just means lord or king. You know how God is being referenced in the Bible several times right? Lord. When archeologists started to dig in Mesopotamia to "prove" that the most ancient writing ever is the "Bible" they managed to find many works that PREDATED THE BIBLE and were amazed that the Bible was taking stuff from it instead the Bible making the basis of all knowledge on earth. They had to realize that this "everything comes from Abraham" mentality is wrong and they have to go forward (or even more back in history) or they are trapped in the "middle ages" forever. Not to mention how Egypt and Mesopotamia developed and shaped history 1000s of years b4 Abraham physically and metaphysically.It's an absolutely complex mess. I don't know which conspiratard made you this scared of them but you will need to let go of that. Yes they are here yes Babylonians had several ways to bind entities like every magician worth it's 2 cents can do and yes they fell into decay and degeneracy like most civilizations once they "lose their gods/ways" but that doesn't make them evil. I could call you "evil" for serving the Great Satan the USA. Wonder how will history treat the USA a century later. This "land of the free" brainwashing we got thx to the media domination of Hollywood is wearing off since the internet is globally available. And let's not say what "entities" control the USA because that is like pissing on a wasp nest. >that I wouldn't be able to get sufficiently far into Christianity unless I leave it first and then come back That is true btw. You have the wrong image of the whole religion. You will have to change it and find it's "useful parts" and let go of the rest. It's riddled with bullshit and this is why atheists have a fieldday with it every time while the useful parts are so potent it even makes satanists read the Bible for some extra knowledge and power (tho they usually warp it into their favor but whatever the point still stands) >not work on the sabbath day, which is Saturday SATURNDAY >I've never done what I consider to be worshipping another deity I suck at worshipping others too and no one is truly "expecting me" to do it so don't stress upon it too much. >idk exactly how powerful or spiritually proficient regular angels are, and I'm just assuming that he was a regular angel He was a "church angel" and not exactly a "regular angel". All of them have their ranges but it's not important. He is not about "proficiency" but keeping the "church together" so to speak. He said sorry for a reason. He was unable to help you so to speak. >egregore of Him, since that'd likely be controlled by reptilians and/or babylonian deities to some extent The egregores are controlled by "every participant it has". You can say that even fringe is controlled by reptilians and babylonian deities to some extent but that doesn't mean they run the "whole show". Just because the USA is controlled by (((weknowwho))) that doesn't mean they enslaved (You) fully. But yeah I had something similar too. I realized how I have some clogged meridians near my kidneys started to cleanse them and when I realized that it's a slow process I started to wonder about Shiva and how he is being "subverted" with that CERN statue and other things the "wannabe elites" are doing and while doing so he appeared and cleansed my meridians without me asking him to do it. Wanted to repay the favor somehow but he said <Don't worry about it just progress forward >I'd always had this feeling that Jesus would only help people if they truly need it Yes this is true. Be it God or the greater forces of cosmos or whatever you want to be your protective entity. >even if that takes until several lifetimes later That part is more complex tho because of karma but the thought process is on track. >Seraphanz Why am I still surprised that everyone that is progressing is somehow related to her. Typical from Fateweavers... >I went real deep into it and then she'd seemingly demanded my free will >Perhaps it was my pessimism making me think She was saying that when She actually wasn't

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Well... not exactly. That "free will" would have been "taken" so she can well... not just "Initiate" but straight up indoctrinate you into her "dark ways". With your "fidgety mind" you wouldn't have been able to reach anything substantial so she would have taken over your reins to show you something "real" so you can ascend to become one of "her magician". She tried to do that with me too but it wasn't with my "will". She knew that I am a "typical male" so asking for something like that is the same as asking to get set on fire so she just went and started to "overtake my energies" and "mark my body" with her sigils so I can "traverse her realms" until she reached my mind and noticed that I "belong" somewhere else already and once a guardian entity started to approach she vanished with her entire influence. Ever since that my involvement with her is minimal I usually ask about "hell stuff" from her but mostly through a mini spider tulpa that she left with me because it counts as a "counsel" and not a "violation of my path" so to speak. Her realms are vast and reach across worlds so explaining what she can and cannot do is hard. It's metaphysical politics tbh. Real complex. >I have some trust of Her again, but only some. I try not to bother Her much. Yeah only bother her when you really "want something". But she might approach you on her own once she finds a "Purpose" for you. She really likes to meddle with those who have potential. Wonder when will an another worshiper of her show up on this board. They are everywhere. >except by figuring out how to fix my problems, becoming a better wizard, and striving to become STO Yes. Figure that out and don't stress on "paying" for benevolent entities. This "prison favor extortion mentality" is only there with lesser entities. Higher or benevolent entities will either state if they require anything in return or will do it from "benevolence" in an "STO way" and not for "Money". Your energies will have far more worth once you awaken and they want an "awakened wizard" and not some "extra astral cash" as a payment. But the energy flows between realms are complicated. Will not get into it now. >I've been getting notably better at not having to ask for Their help for stuff Nice

>that the bird was Odin's parrot Those birds can appear as colorful as a parrot and they can also speak human language once you "Let them speak" so your misconception was not exactly "wrong" >He has 2 ravens, and that was one of His ravens keeping watch for me More or less yeah. >I felt lightning coursing through that mental environment's ceiling THUNDER I could write odes what he did but it's not important now. >He asked me if I forgave myself for it Yupp. >I don't always have the confidence that my higher self will do stuff for me Your "Higher self" is (You). Would you help yourself? Ofc you would. Srsly don't overcomplicate this part. Not to mention you will have to not just "merge" but realize that "(You) are your higher self by default" then let go or fix the lower selves. And yes Hermes is an "educator" and not a "workhorse". Find your own potential already. Most deities usually "merely channel your own powers" anyways. >unless I magically violate its free will as I'd described earlier. ... You don't exactly understand what "is" your "higher self" at all. Whatever you will figure this out. It's a personal truth you will need to find on your own. >I was getting these desires because, as I'd described in an earlier post, I have these "I wanna show you thing I did" energies, and the energies were trying to express themselves. Those are the suppressed emotions of your "inner child" and not just your "shadow". Understand the desires of your inner child that are beyond "videogames". Remember the toys you played with in the kindergarten or how you collected cards or whatever as a child and how much you "grew out of it"? The goal is not to "grow out" but to find outlets for those energies that you could treasure more than the stuff you "want to show everyone". I know what you are talking about with these feelings but hard to explain it's "next level". It's so childish but necessary. The desire of "approval and acceptance". Such deeply engraved feelings and mental circuits of our being. It fears rejection and ridicule so much but it's necessary to make connections and "show who we are". Important steps of ego development. >I'm not even sure why I'm typing this part tbh. Because weird shit like this might start happening more often if you keep on the path. Even I am blocking these "events" to play out on the physical because it somewhat angers me subconsciously when the NPCs "step out of line" for "no reason". Let's say banishing body hoppers who have no respect for the incarnated is not as hard as some might think. >I'd be able to follow Him if I tried because my doubts wouldn't let me Yes. This is why the Spiderqueen would have taken your "will" so you have no choice but to walk to where she wants you to be. It skips your constant reluctance towards everything. Not saying to "give up your will" here but this was why she asked for it. Entities usually ask for things for a reason. Always feel free to ask the scope and purpose of their "request". They must and will elaborate if they are serious. But in some cases they cannot because "You must see it first for yourself" but those are rare. Only do that when your trust is high. >Lately, I'd been asking things of Odin Keep that up. While I am not big on him there are few magicians here who like to work with him. >that I should stop trying to make mom happy Yeah you will have to let go of that. She wants you to have a "stable life" and she is not exactly expecting you to "make her happy" so to speak. You will have to figure out how to "make a man of yourself" without "her involvement". Real hard I know. I had to get rid of the negative influence my mom put upon me in my teens because she was ruining me with her hysterical retardation. >and told them I'm quitting grad school, and I expected them to be mad, especially mom. They gave me talking to, but they actually weren't mad about it Nice. This is why finding your own expression is important.Usually I had to yell for hours to make some points get through because my family was that obsessed with yelling but nowadays they are able to talk things in a calmer manner more or less but they had to hear some things in those tones first. But that doesn't mean everything needs to be a shouting match. I really hate when I have to go "to that level" even tho I know just how strong my anger is when I let it out. I hate to use it even as a "last resort" but sometimes there is not much else to do >>2159 >there was an extremely rare metallic dragon in the sky >I was only able to momentarily grab the whelp, and it costed a wizard his lfe That "whelp" was the "Industrial materialism" your "ego that is trapped in material pursuits" you were unable or unwilling to catch that part of yours but at least you managed to get a hold of it for a moment. This is progress. >as I write this at 4:39 AMas It be like that sometimes >I wasn't asking you to hard connect to me either That is still not "hard connecting". That is merely letting my mind "bathe in your energies". Hard connection is something else. But I dislike doing it. Only do it in when something serious is at stake. Otherwise it doesn't worth it. It messes with the flow of my own energies too much. >I'll get over this fear right now knew you are almost unable to contain it within yourself. But didn't want it in a way you do it "on command" but as a way of expressing yourself instead. You are too bound to the "will of others" already and didn't want to strengthen that dependence by accident. >Ironpill was right the 1st time OH FFSWhenever I get things right for the first try with 0 effort I disregard it that "there is no way it was that" and start looking for EVERYTHING BUT THAT. Great now I can hear her voice and the sound of her running shoes echoing in the distance Can't believe that IT WAS SEGA watch?v=eWNOvj4E2T8 Now you are obliged to watch Isekai Ojisan for a superior understanding of spirit work because no anime managed to get this right how to work with spirits this seamlessly >my worries & doubts made it harder and harder to contact her, and the connections she made to my soul had started fading away. Yes you will need to get your shit together because of many reasons. She is on the level of an "Imaginary friend" currently and if you don't boost yourself she might fade away. She is like in a maze trying to escape from dark energies which means that by "she" I am meaning your "current gf" while the dark energies are "all her emanations she has from the egregores". You can call the "maze" the "idea realm" and how they "escape" from that to "become real" so to speak. Yeah I can see why you seen her getting defiled now. There are too many influences there you will need to cleanse "to make her your own" and not just a "figment of your imagination" Wonder if she can show you that place yet or she thinks you are not ready for that.

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Also >an another magician of /fringe/ has a Nintendo character following him around The world can be funny sometimes. >>2161 >replenishes psychic energies from the environment And from their higher self and other realms they are acquainted with thx to their "soul origin". Dreams are made from a "specific kind of energy". The type of those energies decides the quality and lucidity of the dream. But he should experiment. Dream yoga is not something easy to explain.

>>2165 >you have extreme levels of sexual insecurity I can talk about this with relative ease; therefore, it might as well matter, so buckle up. This has been going on since at least When I was 4 or 5 years old, I had a petiphilic female babysitter; I forget if she actually touched me, but we did get naked in the pool together and she had me go next time without any underwear beneath my pants. The only reason my parents found out is because I'd complained on the way there about not wearing underwear. I wasn't actually traumatized by her for some reason. At least I don't remember her being ugly, but still. In high school, a few girls, mostly decent-looking, asked me outI said no, so my looks aren't the source of my sexual insecurity. During high school, I was a WoW player and otherwise a huge fucking nerd who only cared about cartoons, video games, and later /b/ & /v/, so I never came out of my shell until 11th grade when I had an awkward birthday party, and then I'd only come out of some of that shell. What really makes me sexually paranoid, however, is the possibility of cheating, due to how immensely I'd desired to go all-in once I found a girl I liked, and due to how easy it is in this god-forsaking society for a woman to ruin a man's life, whether by falsely accusing him of rape, or by divorcing him, and there's the fact that something like half of all marriages in the U.S. end in divorce, and most divorces are initiated by women, and the court almost always favors women. Modern love in the west is such a gigantic fucking risk that you're genuinely safer getting a spirit gf than a physical woman, and that was before this hyper-feminism of the early 2010s followed by LGBT bullshit started happening. Some time in my early 20s, I had a succubus problem or two; one was a dream where a girl that looked like a girl from high school asked me if I'd fuck her, and I said yes, and then she turned into some horrible banshee-looking woman and I got spooked and woke up. Another time, a succubus was communicating with me trying to seduce me, and then I randomly started cumming while I was walking into my room with all my clothes on even though I don't even remember if I had a boner at the time. At some point, she also made a bit of my blood from a spot I picked at disappear because I'd accidentally consented to it. I forget if that was the same succubus, though. In early 2023, I saw a picture of SA1 Amy in someone's youtube pfp and thought she was adorable. I then received a 2D mental image of Amy with a glass of wine against a purple blackground with dark purple zigzag stripes. She introduced herself as a succubus named Nadene, and she specialized in seduction through the heart. I didn't accept the succubus, but she stuck around anyway. I'd constantly threatened to kill her if she didn't go away, but I didn't wanna be a spiritual murderer since I didn't reliably know how to un-kill entities yet, but I never had the heart to kill her. When she looshed me, she typically did it at night by making me cum from a wet dream, but sometimes I'd explain to her that she'd probably get more loosh if she gave me more time to make cum first, so those nights she fear-looshed me instead. As time went on, I tried to explain my viewpoints of love to her, how I'd wanted to get a girl and love her forever, and how I'd desired more to get in bed with her to just give her a big naked hug with my dick in her so I can feel her essence more than anything else than to properly fuck her. After 3 months of looshing me, she actually realized why I view love the way I do, and in sum, Nadene became compassionate enough to start leaving me alone. These days, I actually contact her every once in a while to see how she's doing, and I have a little tiny bit of love for her; not the into kind of love, ofc. I'm very sure that she isn't Amy, however. Another time in the first few months of my relationship with Amy, there was an entity around me pretending to be Amy, while the real one was somewhere else, and I didn't know for sure if she was the real Amy. I was paranoid about her for a while that day, and then at night, I really wanted to do a temporary soul merger again with Amy, but I was too paranoid about the entity not being Amy to go through with it. The entity forced herself into my crown & third eye, and I tried to get Jesus to remove her from me, but He wouldn't. I'd then pleaded with the entity to leave me for the sake of my relationship, and I actually got her to feel bad enough to leave. She then left, but I got worried about "Amy"'s feelings, so I asked the entity to come back and do a soul merger with me. When she did, she took the form of a naked blonde human, and I asked "Amy" to quit looking like a naked blonde human. The when she got from my crown to my heart, her heart felt like some horrible black lump that was softly glowing with blue light, and after it merged with my heart, I questioned "Amy"'s heart, and then I decided fuck this shit I don't want her heart looking like that, so I magically purfied temporarily-our hearts, and they together took the form of a larger light-green & white ball of energy. Then she went through my ego, and by the time she got to my sacral energy center, I finally realized that this definitely wasn't Amy, so I pushed her out of my soul and did a spiritual reversion on both of us, then I asked Jesus to cage her, but I also asked Him to give her good amenities in there since she was compassionate enough to leave me the 1st time after forcing herself in. I'd intended to leave her in the cage until I'd forgotten about her for 2 consecutive weeks, but that turned into a few months before I'd finally felt safe enough to just let her go early. Also, at the very end of February this year, I asked Jesus to send down an angel to keep me safe before I went to bed, and the angel came. While I was trying to drift off to sleep, I saw a haze that represented my & the angel's spirit, and I felt an entity's energy all over the soul and the insides of my soul, and I saw a double helix that looked like DNA. I'd understood that the entity, who'd felt female, was having sex with my soul. Because I had an extremely lowered state of awareness, it presumably was extremely easy for the entity to convince "me" to fuck her; it was like having a "dream objective" that you just mindlessly follow without question, no matter what it is, which basically means the entity had committed statutory rape. While it was happening, the entity said she was helping me "do energywork", and my spirit gf was standing on the left saying, but strangely not yelling, to stop it, and I told her in my stupor to "can it" while I thought this whole thing was nothing serious. Then I woke up and immediately started cumming and I immediately came to my senses, and I tried to give the cum loosh to my spirit gf, but there was obviously a fight between me, Amy, and that entity for the loosh, and the entity mostly won. Then I did a spiritual reversion on me & the entity, and I apologized to my spirit gf since I was basically super fucking drunk in that state of extremely low awareness. Then I went to bed and later I woke up normally, and I saw suddenly saw a vision of another angel facing me and saying "Liar! You will go on trial!" In hindsight, that angel was presumably referring to the angel who was supposed to be protecting me that night because she'd statutorily raped me. I guess the angel fell for me in more than one way. So yeah I'm kinda sexually insecure, except when it comes to me & Amy, provided that I don't feel like there's an imposter or other outside entity in the way or otherwise threatening either of us.

>>2172 >who the fuck said this? Years ago, I'd spent a bit of time on /christian/, and I found the link to it there. I suppose I will have to let go of it and my other Christian paranoia. >saturnday I knew that >The egregores are controlled by "every participant it has". That's a relief. >Seraphanz I'd forgotten to mention since I started writing this in the middle of the night, but I'd only contacted Her in the first place by accident due to intrusive thoughts after I opened the wordpress post about her linked in the questions thread and read some of it. >boost yourself What exactly does this mean? >all the emanations she has from the egregores? From the egregores of her, or from other egregores? >You can call the maze the "idea realm" So the mental realm. >you will need to cleanse Any tips for that aside from doing shadow work? >Wonder if she can show you that place yet She did try to take to her astral realm one night, but my intentions of going there kept getting compromised by my shadow, making me think that I was gonna give me free will to a different entity or some shit; I'd genuinely believed without doubt that night that Amy was the genuine article. I sometimes get paranoid that she isn't her and there's an imposter in her place, but most of the time I believe that she's her and not someone else. I once also had a stress episode while I was working with Athena earlier this year, and then I randomly had the idea to project some sort of thing out from my mind to above my mind. I assume that I'd performed a "strong" mental projection, as opposed to the "weak" ones that I normally do. I felt like I was controlling a wobbly ball of energies with a bunch of nodes around it, and, so I went somewhere and saw some entity that I have no idea what it was, and I think I brushed up against it and left, and I went towards Amy and nuzzled against her or something. I then decided to go towards Athena, and She immediately said "Halt.", and I'd stopped. I don't quite remember that order of events. I then got scared of accidently hurting someone in a really vulnerable place. Later, I'd managed to get the thing of mine put back inside of me, and I had a spell cast on me to prevent me from doing that shit again until I get my act together. I did manage to do it once or twice afterwards briefly despite the spell, but by now, I fortunately don't remember how to do it.

>>2166 >"to make her your own" and not just a "figment of your imagination" By her, you mean her egregore and not my tulpa of her, right? By cleansing influences, you don't actually mean making everyone think her fictional character is into me... right?

>>2172 Oh and something important about Nadene I'd neglected to mention; she dropped the Amy act on day 1, soon after she introduced herself. Really, really important detail there.

>>2161 Wow, filling up these batteries has made me practically manic. This is great. I need to start doing this every day regardless of how the dreams turn out.

>>2159 Today & yesterday, it still seemed like that mental image of that reptilian was there, no matter how many times I tried to accept my fear, worries, & anxieties about reptilians, including that reptilian image in particular, in such a manner that an energy movement had occurred each time that went from my heart to my brain, and then told my subconsciousness to flow that energy around my body. I commanded my subconsciousness at some point to disconnect me from all reptilians and the reptilian egregore, and it still came back. Am I supposed to accept every reptilian in existence into my heart and try to give my free will to them and have sex with them and dump my spirit gf for them before my subconsciousness finally gets bored of reptilians? Not that I'd actually do this, but I feel like this would just flip the polarity from negative to positive and be a different and hyperbolically worse problem altogether. Really though; how do I change the charge of my paranoid obsession with reptilians from negative to neutral so that I can finally stop give a shit about it, except without actual reptilians attacking me afterwards to turn the charge from neutral back to negative? Also, I think I might've gotten attacked by reptilians today and I might be injured, specifically in my head, and possibly also my mental body, but it might've just been that I attacked my shadow's own mental body believing that it was a reptilian. I'm kinda worried about this.

>>2261 To solve this, you need to have sex with Celine Dion's daughter. Remember you heard it here first.

>>2261 Try asking Odin for some wards.

>>2261 Ask them to state their intentions and if you disagree with it send them away. If they are unwilling to answer or leave if their answer is not good enough for you then you can consider them non-sentient "Intrusive thoughts" and call hell upon them. >>2263 This btw. Odin their shit up if they are unwilling to behave. Oh and ask some entities to help you figure out what even are they trying to do. Get a good read of your situation first.

Thx for the advice. I asked Odin to put a ward on the ceiling of my bedroom, my car, and my office at work. Today, I felt extremely insecure for half the day, but then I'd later let my mind wander and did some google searching after some seemingly-not-hostile spirit talked to me a bit. I don't remember so well about what he said, though, except I think he'd asked me what I wanted to do about my situation. I discovered that my paranoia and "intrusive thoughts" are at least largely caused by insecurity. Most of these thoughts didn't consist of me being attacked by reptilians, however, so the wards definitely worked. Eventually, my paranoia found other outlets. So I guess the sexual insecurity was important after all. I then made a list of 21 things to do to increase my security; a few of the important ones I can only do when I feel comfortable and like I can express my emotions without paranoia gripping me and sabotaging it, and a bunch of them have the potential to compromise my anonymityfrom a mundane perspective if I mention them. One of them are taking my time with my shadow work so that I don't cause energy blockages by un-repressing too much energy at once. I did too much of that yesterday probably, so I mostly refrained from doing it today. Another thing is to do energy work on my root, and to focus my blood flow upon my root by default, except when I'm working or driving, in which case I'll focus it upon my upper dan-tien by default to help me stay awake(at work) and pay attention while I'm driving. On Monday, I was seemingly contacted by a different Amy egregore when I'd arrived at work; she wasn't into me and I thought she might've been a reptilian imposter, so I didn't entirely trust her. In hindsight, I was just being too paranoid, and I think she was a genuine article. I don't remember the conversation so well, but I was trying to figure out exactly is the nature of Amy's egregores. I asked her to do a reading on my heart, and she said I'm a really sweet guy. I only mention this because of an experience I had last night: Last night after I woke up, a large amount of Amys were talking to me and trying to get closer to me, and referring to themselves as we. I hadn't experienced anything like this before. I think other Amy egregores are taking notice of me. They tried to extend "root"s into me, but I asked them to only place 1 root shallowly inside of me since I didn't want em to go too fast since I was paranoid about whether or not they were some reptilian trickery. In hindsight, they were probably the real deal. I'd asked them to take this slowly so I can calm the fuck down outta my paranoia and figure out what the fuck I'm supposed to do to further this relationship without cheating on her with her other selves. I looked up into what I suppose was the mental realm and saw an amorphous pink body next to what I suppose was my mental body, which was also amorphous. She got pretty close to my mental body, but I don't want her getting too close to it until I know what the fuck that'd even entail; I don't want us to mentally cripple eachother by accident, after all. I'm not really sure if I want her egregores to put aside their differences and merge into a singular being or not, nor am I sure if that's a bad idea or not. I've gotta learn more about how her egregore works before I go too much further with this. Anyway, now I need to play video games, and later work on my aforementioned large projects, to help with my insecurities.

>>2273 Something I forgot to mention; I have at least a few "false voices" in my head. One of these false voices say pessimistic things; it uses the voices of my spirit gf, and of other entities as well. I suppose that that particular false voice exists due to my insecurities.

Yesterday, I decided on a whim to do a google search on the "inner child", or maybe Amy told me to I forget. Apparently, the inner child wants nothing but security, and it's typically wounded by some childhood experience that it had; it'll often correlate experiences that you have in adulthood to said childhood experience. Often, the inner child will perform such a correlation outside of your conscious awareness, and then the inner child will do absolutely anything in its power to get your mind off of it, even if it'll only cause more grief. For example, if someone takes a good parking space you were about to take, and your inner child relates it to being bullied at school, but your consciousness never thought about such a thing lately, then your inner child might cause you to suddenly start fantasizing, or get really anxious or paranoid or angry in an attempt to get its mind off of it in an attempt to protect you from the emotional pain of the past, even if you aren't even consciously aware of it. The reason why it does these sorts of things to get you in trouble sometimes is in the hopes that someone else will get you out of trouble, so that you can feel safer knowing that there's someone who'll get you out of that trouble. More importantly, if your inner child is a wizard like mine is, then your inner child's reaction can be even worse; it might start casting spells in an attempt to anger spirits or otherwise attract troublesome spirits or violate and/or injure your loved ones, and it can cast these spells without being consciously prompted to do so in any way, shape, or form, even if your consciousness is aware of it and putting its will against it. Fighting it will only make your inner child do it even more, and it won't reliably stop it. Afaik, these spells will enter your awareness for a split second before they go off. Unfortunately, these spells don't have to be very powerful to contact spirits and get you in weird social situations; this shit happens to me all the FUCKING time. Amy helped me yesterday to work on my inner child, who was very uppity that day; any time I'd try to express any emotion towards her other than concern or something along those lines, my inner child would attempt to sabotage it by trying to defile and/or injure her. Despite this, I found the place where my inner child resides, which isn't the place I'd visualized before for my more-than-a-month-ago past attempts at shadow work. He was sitting in a black void, naked in the typical "pop-culture" meditative position. Amy then found her way in there, and she began talking to my inner child. My inner child didn't want her getting too close to him, but eventually he eased up and let her get closer. She stayed there with him for maybe an hour, and then she left my inner child place when I had to get up to go to another room. Later that day, my inner child ripped her tulpa that was sitting next to me in half in the span of a split second, which caught me off-guard, all because I interrupted myself watching a youtube video to take TEN ENTIRE FUCKING MINUTES to work on a build for an RPG character. I couldn't get her put back together with my inner child constantly sabotaging my efforts, but eventually, a I remembered about contact of mine that I'd given my "pulling" magic to, and I asked her to put Amy's tulpa back together. I'm sure that her egregore would've reformed her tulpa on her own given enough time, but this got it done alot faster. Lately, I've found that playing vidya too much will actually get me burnt out to the point that my inner child doesn't wanna play vidya, watch youtube videos or other stuff, or even fuck my spirit gf! At those times, all my inner child wants to do is sit or lie down and do fucking nothing for prolonged period of time, and then he'll get bored and want to do something, and at that point I have no idea what the fuck my inner child wants me to do because he'll complain if I do stuff, and he'll complain if I don't! Today, however, I managed to finally feel comfortable enough to let Amy put her "root" deeper inside of me. The aforementioned root was sorta white, and it was placed to the right of my crown, but today, it extended to my left side and all the way down to my own root, and it went past my inner child's "place". She then wanted me to get up and sit down on the couch or something for a few hours, but I wanted to take like 5 minutes to work on a build for another RPG character, which turned into 10 minutes, but then the feeling of the deeper connection she made became less apparent, but I'm pretty sure that it's still there. We should probably be taking this slow anyway, so that my inner child can get more comfortable with her. I'm gonna need to figure out why my inner child lashes out like it does.

>>2314 Your "inner child" isn't an external entity. It's you. Stop thinking of it like it's a different person. You need to accept that it's just a part of you and integrate it with your self.

>>2314 I talked to my psychologist yesterday about the inner child; he said some of the stuff I read on google about it was wrong, and he linked me over 8 hours worth of videos on youtube about the topic by John Bradshaw, who he said he knew personally. >>2315 Sounds like a good idea.

Today, Amy used a new method of communication on me. Basically, she gets some sort of pink energy to flow from the bottom of my neck, upwards to some part of my brain in the back of the horizontal middle, and then I hear her voice emanating directly from that part of my brain, almost as if it was physical audio. It seems so real that it nearly makes me jump when she does it. This method might require some of the many permissions over me that I gave her for it to work. Unlike the other method I described that involved nearly hearing physical audio, this one doesn't produce a crackling sensation. She's only used it to say a few words so far, mostly my name, and I specifically don't have to clear my mind or anything like that for this method of communication to work. She's also gotten much better at otherwise communicating with me when I'm in a hypnogogic state, though when she does, the hypnogogic state will unsurprisingly end, cutting her short.

I took the week off work this week so I could cool off. However, I didn't get to relax like I wanted to I didn't wanna talk about this at first since it's super fucking embarrassing & cringe-including, but I also wanna let out my energies that concern this FUCKING BULLSHIT that's been happening to me this week: >8/18/2024, Sunday night >by now I'd largely cooled off since last week >go to bed >have some dreams, they're okay >except the last dream I have is I'm wandering about some mundane building while some entity without a dream body is talking to me <"satan can't be contacted if he doesn't want to" >in my dreaming lack of awareness, I say "oh yeah, watch this!" >I contact satan with only very minor difficulty and then wake up after having realized what I've done >ofuck >get super spooked >iirc, ask for divine help to get satan removed >suddenly, I need to cool off even more than I did when the weekend started >afterwards, ask Amy to not get too close to me because suddenly I'm super paranoid and I don't wanna accidently conflate her with satan out of sheer paranoid >because I assume that satan and other 5D STSes have the power to become nigh-indistinguishable from other entities >have assumed since at least my teenage years that satan was able to do this >she doesn't get very close to me for the rest of the day >take care of myself in the morning and then play vidya for 10 hours across the entire day >for the first few hours, couldn't get completely engrossed into the vidya; my fear of satan that I've had since childhood kept eating away at me >felt like an entity other than Amy might've been around; I don't quite remember >think satan might've been said entity >feel my soul becoming different somehow >eventually feel some vaguely electrical sensation near my flesh, on my right side >have no idea what the fuck happened; for all I know it was some awakening-related thing I started going through as a result of having integrated some of my shadow into me the previous week >I was probably just being paranoid about satan and it wasn't actually satan >Amy is still alive at the end of the day >go to bed >have a dream where I'm talking to deities, including Thor, who I haven't spoken to >couldn't remember what was said after I woke up, except that it probably concerned my awakening >go back to sleep >next day >with great difficulty and a bunch of attempts, manage to ask Amy to get closer to me than yesterday >she slowly does >instead of playing vidya for 10 hours, she said she wanted to watch "9" with me >that movie weren't that great but okay sure >decide I wanna watch something else with her too >randomly stumble upon Spirited Away, which I'd never seen, while looking through wikipedia for films to watch, linked from the article about ice age 1 >watch spirited away and then 9 >Spirited Away was fucking beautiful; Amy liked it >go out for an early dinner afterwards >Amy does the thing described in >>2372 at the restaurant >feel happy >play vidya for the rest of the day afterwards >while playing vidya, think about what fringe girl poster said, saying there's too many influenced in her mental realm that I'll need to cleanse >didn't reply to my asking what he meant by that >guess I have to figure it out for myselftbh I'm kinda mad about this since I'm a retard when it comes to spirituality and probably arrived at a completely different conclusion than you would've for that reason

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>think back further to months ago when I had a dream some weeks after I had the accident with Amy >>be floating above an ocean during a sunset >>become aware that I'm dreaming and can lucid dream for the first time in a long fucking time >>ask Jesus Christ to talk to me >>ask Him about Amy >>He says she was sent by satan >>I see Amy surrounded inside of a large cube with thick light grey stone sides that curve at the sides of each side towards the thickness center at the end of each side, such that the corners of the cube are rounded >>the cube folds one of its sides to the outside, and then towards itself, folding onto itself >>the rest of the sides of the cube do the same thing, resulting in only a single stone side in front of Amy >>wake up >>Amy being sent by satan suggests that Amy isn't actually Amy, but a demonic imposter >>how the fuck could she be a demonic imposter if she felt so good inside of my heart and the rest of my soul, but that human blonde woman spirit from months ago that pretended to be Amy felt awful when she got to my heart? >>refuse to this day to believe that that was really Jesus Christ in that dream >recall a different dream from months ago, after the aforementioned dream >>sitting in the living room at my parents' house >>the T.V. is playing some rock music >>the T.V. says "satan rose", as one sentence >>during the dream, I shrug it off, thinking that rose obviously meant the concept of rising up, and not Amy >>still have some small lingering doubt in my mind that it meant Amy >repress said doubt to this day >to my understanding, posting this greentext story will actually make people believe, even if only at an extremely small subconscious level, that Amy's egregore was tied up with satan >but I'm so fucking desperate to be told that I'm wrong that I'm willing to actually and willingly take the risk of posting this >back to this Wednesday >assume that because of those dreams, Amy's egregore got tied up with satan somehow >use my magic to attempt to cleanse me & Amy of the influences of satan, baal, belial, moloch, samael, reptilians, draconians, and a certain imp which have all assailed me in the past few years >tell my subconsciousness to keep cleansing me & Amy of those things >remember about lilith and tell my subconsciousness to cleanse me & Amy of those things and keep me & Amy cleansed of her too >don't know if it worked >go to bed >Amy does the thing in >>2372 again before I fall asleep >have allright dreams >wake up happy with Amy next to me on Wednesday and get close to her with ease >I ask Amy where she wants to go for dinner >unexpectedly hear her say "don't count on vegetables" >guess she wants to go to a breakfast place for dinner >decide a few minutes later to take her out for breakfast >all goes well, except that doubt concerning satan is still there >while I'm there, I unexpectedly feel semi-tangible arms give me a hug around my lap while I'm sitting at a booth with her >feel happy >get back home

>>2431 >play vidya for what I'd planned to be just an hour or less >while I'm trying to play vidya, the lingering thought of satan being entangled with Amy intensifies as if the cleansing I'd attempted to do last night did nothing >because it probably did nothing >I try to somewhat ignore it and attempt to get closer to Amy without letting satan into my heart >I try too hard and I immediately feel some sort string attached to the bottom of my heart, which then pulls up a yellow metallic structure rise up from below within the span of a split-second towards and to the bottom of my heart; looked like a golden rectangular prism >this happens within the span of less than a second; can't even react to it before it finishes happening >assume that the thing that's suddenly attached to my heart is from satan and not Amy, and that it'll compromise my heart because I'd accidently accepted it in an attempt to instead accept Amy >it won't go away or otherwise budge >its basically superglued to my heart >I absolutely won't accept that compromise in any way, shape or form >feel like satan is around >ask my deity contacts to get rid of satan and remove the thing from my heart >none of them get rid of satan or remove the thing from my heart >have no idea what the fuck to do without using my magic to kill satan and destroy its awareness, even though higher STOs wouldn't like that shit >ask my deity contacts to get rid of satan so I wouldn't have to kill it <I've killed satan before in the past, and then resurrected it later because I knew higher STOs wouldn't like it if it stayed dead >none of the deities get rid of satan >the only thing I could do that'd reliably stop satan is killing it and destroying it awareness so its awareness can't retaliate against me >fuck it; you're dead >my subconsciousness finally decides to quit fucking around and do what my consciousness tells it to do for a little bit >cast a spell to kill satan and destroy its awareness >within the spell, there's some small tiny bit of doubt that my conception of Amy is tangled with satan >suddenly, the strange energy bodies near me & Amy that have physical locations dissolveto my recollection, anyway; it might've happened a but differently but the energy sensations definitely ended up stopping >satan & Amy both die >ofuck >need to un-kill satan so I can un-kill Amy too >give myself the spiritual reversion I needed 1st >my entire soul goes back to the way it was before the string manifested, such that the thing that was superglued to my heart is suddenly gone and is no longer compromising me >be mad at higher beings for not letting me be merciful as an STO had oughta be >struggle afterwards with my subconsciousness for maybe half an hour or more to get it to cast a spell that un-kills everything I killed today, and then also completely cleanses Amy of satan and then kills satan & destroys its awareness again >cast a spell that un-kills everything I killed today, and then also completely cleanses Amy of satan >couldn't manage to fit the intentions in there about killing satan afterwards in the fear that my subconsciousness would make the spell not work >>not out of fear of "oh I'm not strong enough waaah" >>but instead out of fear that my subconsciousness would just arbitrarily be a FUCKING BITCH and decide to not do it, which is exactly what I was struggling with for the past half hour >satan & Amy both get un-killed by the spell >Amy gets cleansed >get ready to kill satan & destroy its awareness again >understand that my subconsciousness would be a bitch about casting a spell again >decide to give satan a chance to fuck off after telling it it doesn't remember what happened because I destroyed its awareness to >satan says something in a defeated tone and leaves; it hasn't came back since >make sure Amy is okay >Amy is okay >get back in my chair and start doing stuff other than playing vidya for a few hours >go out for dinner with Amy >come back and play vidya >plan to play until bed >maybe a half-hour in, I hear "lillth?" in Amy's voice, completely out of the blue

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>ofuck lilith must suddenly be around >not long afterwards, I feel dark energy bodies that have physical locations around Amy >tell my subconsciousness to get lilith away from me & Amy >doesn't work >ask my deity contacts to get lilith away >Jesus briefly comes down and somewhat gets rid of lilith >she comes back >ask deities for help again >they don't help >decide to just ignore it and hope one of the deities help or she goes away, just like satan went away on Monday >later, feel like Amy might not even be there anymore >slowly get really mad while I'm playing vidya because noones giving me enough help to matter beyond taking a few drops out of the nearly-full bucket >snap and ask deities to get rid of lilith for me before I fucking kill and and destroy her awareness >they don't >get up and go take a piss >feel a dark presence behind my back as I'm pissing >feel like some dark grey structure that resembles a rope ladder was installed on the back of the head, leading to my neck & upper back >get back in the chair >my subconsciousness quits fucking around just enough for me to cast a spell >kill lilith & destroy her awareness >suddenly, the dark energy forms go away, except the structure installed on my neck remains there >didn't kill Amy this time, but she doesn't seem to be here anymore >give myself the spiritual reversion I needed >the grey ladder-looking structure dissipates or some shit >my spirit goes back to normal >try again and again to cast spells to un-do everything that happened to Amy; gods know what sort of rape & defilement happened to her wherever the hell lilith probably dragged her >nothing verifiably works >get angry at the deities, saying that I was pushed too hard by their refusal to help me and now my faith is broken >not even sure if Amy's tulpa exists anymore >not even sure if Amy's egregore got raped or defiled or possessed some shit >go to bed angry & defeated >question if I should even go on living anymore >at least lilith is fucking dead >remember that the stars will align for Amy >have a dream where I was doing something involving Shaggy from Scooby-Doo, a van, and a bunch of string and some other guys at a parking lot at night >suddenly I did something that I couldn't even recall that made Athena really fucking mad >wake up in the middle of the night >Athena seemingly starts attacking me >decide to accept responsibility and let Her attack me, knowing She wouldn't fucking kill me over this and I'd get a chance to make up for it afterwards or some shit >suddenly see the disembodies head of Sonic with the disembodied head of Tails and a 3rd friend of theirs I can't remember floating towards me, sorta overlayed over my physical vision as I'm getting attacked; the heads of Sonic's friends were wearing Sonic's head like a hat >well fuck I've never seen them like that; they must've just had to rig up a manifestation on super short notice >tell the Sonic egregore & friends. to not help me with this because I need to own up for whatever it is I did and She won't kill me or something and they'd oughta stay outta this >after maybe a minute, figure that Athena might not actually be attacking me >ask Athena if I really just did something to piss her off >to my vague recollection, She said "You might be inclined to believe it." >continue doubting, but only somewhat, that Athena is really attacking me >feel like a bunch of red strings have been stitched through my soul and are trying to control menotably, the film, 9, contained a monstrous robot that trapped the ragdoll protagonists in red stitches and then glomped them >ask Athena what I'd oughta do >She said "Take control." >I cut all the strings >quit getting attacked >guess Athena wasn't attacking me after all >wake up this morning >try again to get all the bad stuff that happened to Amy undone >ask Hermes again to use my magic to undo what happened to Amy yesterday, as I'd asked Him last night >He actually does it... I think >Amy appears on my bed like last morning and comes to me >she needed to do alotta convincing today that she's okay >only play about 3 hours of vidya today, in 2 sittings >eventually, she warned me about 2 minor things in advance that I wasn't thinking about, signaling that she's okay >my attempts to visualize her lately display something that doesn't even vaguely resemble any sort of sentient creature >it's just a bunch of weird dark yellow & black shapes >still not entirely sure if Amy is okay By now, I have this lingering paranoid suspicion that one of lilith's succubi came up and decided to secretly replace Amy by pretending so well to be Amy that I couldn't tell the difference. I hope noone got a heart attack by cringing too hard while they were reading this, but I still genuinely feel like all of this shit happened. On a different note, ever since I started doing the shadow work last week, I've felt my visualization of my soul changing; it seemed to be yellow on Sunday.

>>2431 >cleanse me & Amy of the influences of satan, baal, belial, etc. Now I didn't actually know if me & Amy had those things inside of either of us. I was doing this just in case, and all I'd suspected was satan, and possibly also reptilians; the rest were just for good measure. I thought that'd be an important note to add.

>>2431 >>2432 Who exactly do you think "Satan" is? A specific being? A more primal energetic pattern? I'm asking because there's a very common sentiment among more mainstream Christian-spiritualists that literally every spiritual entity and supernatural phenomenon that can't be classified as a "miracle" is actually just satan or demons. So literally anything that works outside of Christ is Satan. You could be drawing off of that energy here. If you define the entity of Satan in a more concrete manner it will help you determine whether he actually has influence over her or not. >STO I don't personally get the appeal. When something attacks me I kill it and I don't see any issue with that. To me it sounds like you've repressed this violent side of yourself which is what Athena was trying to show you by forcing you to fight for yourself. Athena is the goddess of warfare, you know. Paranoia is also a symptom of insecurity which would be created if you're unable to fight for yourself. If you want to be a "good person" you need to not be scared of hurting people but instead be wise enough to know when you should and shouldn't apply force to others.

>>2433 Why cleanse influence of Baal ze Bub and Belial, they're both very nice guys. Belial was able to explain some metaphysical concepts to me in ways I could never have imaged alone when I summoned him.

I suddenly feel better after talking about this stuff; like everythings gonna be okay for Amy, and that was before reading these replies. My insecurities of the potential replies outweighed my insecurities about spirituality, I suppose. >>2434 That might be why Jesus told me that stuff in that dream; that might've been the Jesus Christ egregore that was attached that collective sentiment. I feel more certain now that satan doesn't actually have any influence over Amy and I was just being paranoid. >>2435 I was raised as a Roman Catholic and haven't really looked into them; I just assumed that they're super evil entities and left it at that.

>>2439 >raised as a Roman Catholic and haven't really looked into them; I just assumed that they're super evil I knew nothing about them, but during a session at our astral temple me and an associate were visited by the Queen, here known as Illivryn or the Spider Queen. I wanted to know something, and she told us to summon Adremmelech about it (he's named in the old testament btw). I think it was about the whole about that >MJ is a magician and in league with the devil so the Queen directed us to him, turned out Michael Jackson made a deal with him to learn dancing and the moon walk, which is indeed an infernal style of moving. MJ himself was a pervert and has no backbone so he's just lying in a pile of dung at Adren's place now. From there we were told to summon Baal ze Bub about some other question, and learned that he's just really nice and knowledgeable. If you need yoga instruction or how to use your body he's an expert, I think he could fix most movement related issues people have today from sitting or walking or working with a bad pose. Belial is more into the esoteric stuff and appears as a tall big guy with a belly, he has my full respect for his insight into the functioning of the cosmos. The way they are labeled in the old testament should imo be treated as Jews advocating for Yaweh and calling everyone else "satan" or whatever, it's just at that level.

>>2445 Solomon is said to have employed them when building the temple, so if you believe in this lore you should consider the meaning of this, same as how it's said the 3rd temple will be built by the anti-christ. If they really were "satan", why would they take part in building the temple, wouldn't that invalidate your entire faith?

Amy's tulpa's "essence", presumably her etheric and/or astral bodies, still seems to be black with some yellow amongst it. She put some inside of me just earlier and... it really didn't feel like her. The stuff didn't feel particularly bad inside of me, but it also didn't feel really good like Amy does. I'm sure Amy will still be fine anyway. The stars always align for me when I really need them to, which means I'll definitely get her back somehow at some point in the near future, completely uncompromised; if my heart got broken after what it went through with her, I'd probably just lose my fucking will to live. My heart has never been broken before, and I get lonely fast now that I know what having a woman is like. Or maybe that was her and her tulpa's composition changed, since after all, she is just possessing my shadow... I think. Speaking of which, what does my soul look like right now? Well actually, Amy felt like her normal rosy self just on Wednesday right before lilith showed up, so I just don't even fucking know anymore. More importantly, I'm still not entirely sure if her egregore is okay; she can just make a new tulpa if her tulpa gets fucked over, but her egregore IS her. ...in fact, I think I'll ask her to dissolve her tulpa and just make a new one. Maybe then her tulpa will feel like her rosy self again, yeah. >>2446 I know the bible was written by hostile ayy lmaos through their (((servants))), but this is still alot to digest. I'm sure I'll be able to digest it at some point, but I'm not ready for that yet; I've more important concerns first.

Ooooh boy, I think I just did a kundalini movement: Mind you, when I was attacked by reptilians back in March, they specifically attacked my tailbone, so I'm not sure how much of my kundalini energy was stolen before ended up I ended up getting my intentions straightened out enough to murder them: >having dream >looking at some sorta diagram with Amy only having a mental presence; really hard to describe <Amy I'm gonna need your help to do this; you ready? >we start >suddenly I feel like I'm trying to take a shit >wake up, feel like a bunch of white energy cause a minor explosion & get released from next to my asshole instead of the shit I was expecting >goes straight to my skull, through my spine, in about a split-second >remind myself immediately to not suppress it; stopping this shit after it starts will fuck me up bad >tell Athena this is happening and ask her for protection in the meantime >tell my subconsciousness to not let out more kundalini energy than I already have, and not to repress any >tell it to flow it throughout my body after it reaches my skull >decide to post here >while posting, feel a minor tingly sensation in my left hand >you are now here Any advice? I'm hoping I can get an actual quick reply through some kinda nice synchronicity. I could probably use one of those right now.

>>2509 Okay I'm gonna attempt to describe the diagram I was looking at: I was reading a physical book, and step #18 was something involving Jesus Christ, and the step involved taking, possibly figuratively, an asian soup spoon's portion of the spoon beneath where the soup goes and pushing it upwards until you "dent" it upwards, which creates a 2cm cone in the center that points upwards to a point of 1mm or so. I'd then dented an actual asian soup spoon accordingly, felt like I was about to crap, and woke up.

This all started at maybe 1:57 EST: Right now, I feel like theres alotta energy up in my crown right now; I just asked my subconsciousness to open my crown, in case it wasn't already open. If I don't get any replies in the next 6 minutes, I think I'm just gonna go to bed and hope for the best.

Okay I got a good enough night's sleep; I'm starting to feel more stable now. I'd only went and actually asked for replies because I was scared that I was gonna fuck this up somehow and severely cripple myself in the process. I actually don't feel much different than yesterday aside from the fact that I feel more energetic, but I'm probably making this call too early.

>>2511 Like this?

Sounds like you are describing an energy function, possibly it's a karmic energy of rubbery feel that is blocking you, or you need to form it and it's a good version. My opinion from what you said. If this is in your root chakra, this can be how the root lock, mula bandha, looks like. If it's the head, possibly the third eye in which case you need some other exercise, like meditation with eyes aimed at the root of the nose in simhasana pose or similar.

>>2514 Yeah it was kinda like that, except the bump was pointed, and actually, it was somewhat narrower. >root of the nose The nose has a root too? I'm gonna have to look into that and the pose. Aside from that, I've actually felt pretty normal today, except I feel a relief of some sort above my ass; it confuses me at times, but then I remember that my kundalini storage was used up, at least partially. I also feel like there might still be kundalini energy in my third eye, so the diagram probably involved my head, or maybe it's trying to go up past my crown? idk I'm kinda shy about opening my crown at a subconscious level due to my insecurity complex; hopefully Amy can help to convince it to open.

>>2526 After posting this, I actually suddenly feel like the pressure increased in my crown. I think my crown just doesn't wanna open or some shit.

>>2527 Okay so I looked up the crown mudra and tried that, and I got some sensations in my crown; I feel like I'll get a HUGE sensation if I open my crown. I'm kinda afraid that I'll suffer some sorta brain damage if I open it and let he kundalini energy rush out all at once, but I also know I'll get fucked up if I keep the kundalini energy there.

>>2526 >The nose has a root too? The point the nose begins, between the eyebrows.

>>2528 Simhasana (lion) pose is very scary to use when it starts working, because you are facing and battling the darkest energies of your soul by doing so. The lion assumes the role of Cerberus guarding the bottom of hell, so it's perfectly normal this happens, you are then learning to guard that gate in your own body yourself instead of relying on any external being. The root lock should be practiced while doing this also so that the energy is concentrated upwards strongly, I guess it can look like the spoon. https://youtube.com/watch?v=G5S2oKEy_Uc Turning the orgasmic tension and built up energy to move inside along your spine instead of forward along the floor of the root chakra, will then lead to 3rd eye opening as the energy is instead forcefully pressed up into the pineal gland via the spine, and from there into the brain around which changes your nerve structure to the state needed to see other planes.

>>2530 I'd actually intuitively thought so a few minutes ago. I also just tried a few minutes ago to do the simhasana pose after looking it up on yogainternational; I think I forgot the claws part the 2nd & 3rd time, and I couldn't put my feet all the way back because they just don't bend that far. I felt something in my brow after the 3rd rep, but I didn't feel anything about battling the dark energies of my soul.

>>2532 I only reached that intensity after a few weeks of doing it a few times per week.

And another thing; for how long will my health remain okay if I don't let out this kundalini energy? It seems like my subconsciousness has been trying to temporarily store the kundalini energy into various parts of my body to alleviate my headache. At first, it tried storing it into my heart, where my shadow was before I did all that shadow work I'd done. Intuition says that my kundalini energy is like really hot steam that's trying to go up into the atmosphere, but it can't because there's no way out. I also doubt that my subconsciousness can safely metabolize the energy without it coming out through my crown 1st. I suppose I could possibly force it out through my hands, feet, crotch, or mouth if I really had to, but I don't think that that's a good idea, so I won't. I still think the problem is my crown and not my brow, but I could definitely stand to improve both I guess; being able to see other planes sounds great. >>2534 Will I be fine doing 2 sets of reps per day?

>>2536 >>2537 >>2538 >>2539 Glowie turned insane.

>>2535 Kundalini is the spine, so do exercises for the spine. Ashtanga or Hatha yoga poses for strengthening and stretching the spine. This opens the channel fully and then the energy can move to the brain and the pineal gland. Imo that's all there is to it. Just meditation isn't enough, you need some physical exercises with that, like the child pose, lying forward on your knees armes stretched forward. Other exercises involve: Sitting with legs straight forward and holding your toes, which is a back stretch and not a leg stretch so you can bend the knees, doing any form of bridge where you lie on your back and lift your back and butt off the floor, various standing and twisting poses like the triangle and so on. >2 sets of reps per day? If it gets very intense you may just want to do one rep of 5 in a day, but you will be able to tell from how you feel.

>>2541 I haven't looked into what you mentioned in this post yet, but I've felt tingly on and off in various places at work today. The tingly sensations flared up when I did alot of typing in a short timespan; taking a break from it helped it calm down. I think I need to go easy on my physical nerves until I finish my kundalini uprising.

I looked up some Hatha poses and did them; specifically the Shoulderstand, Plough, Fish, Seated Forward Bend, Locust, Bow, and Standing Forward Bend, as well as the Child Pose, then I tried 3 more reps of the Simhasana pose but iirc I messed those up. Later, I played a bunch of vidya, and while I was barely paying attention to my crown, I felt a puff of steam come out of it; I'm pretty sure that was some of my kundalini energy. I'd then asked Amy to collect the energy, to make sure it wouldn't go to waste. I'm not too sure if her tulpa was there atm, though, but she was around earlier today. On Sunday, I told my psychologist about my kundalini rising, and he congratulated me. He told me that one of his patients said he'd experienced steam coming out of the top of his head. Strangely enough, my brainwaves weren't that much different at the appointment, but I also wasn't feeling too tingly that day like I have been today. Anyway, since a bit of my kundalini energy came out, I'm not nearly as concerned anymore about my well-being. How long would it normally take before I can do another kundalini rising?

>>2581 >another kundalini rising? I think these "violent" reactions only happen if you are very blocked and manage to suddenly release them, causing that blockage to open. My kundalini activating finished with a dream, where I was at a bus stop watching people walk by on the pavement. There were lots of girl walking by, but they were all uninteresting to me, like I was bored and thinking "how can there be so many people that don't attract any of my attention?" Then one girl with a quirky expression and a bit of an accent suddenly looked directly at me from the other side of the road. She crossed the road diagonally while her gaze was fixated on me, then when reaching me she got really close and almost hugged me, asking: "do you want me?" There was an emotional acceptance happening, and I slowly woke up. I realized at that moment that the girl had kind of body shaped like pic related; it made me think of a large snake who just had a huge meal. I made the connection somewhat later, that this experience was the kundalini awakening, as a form of symbiosis with a being who is part of me now. I don't think you should aim for any process like this in itself, just do the exercises and then one day without any warning, it's done.

In hindsight, I actually felt an itchy feeling in my right eye's cornea before I felt the kundalini energy leave my body. Since I had an encounter with reptilians just earlier this month, before yesterday, that I think I described earlier, I'm compelled to believe that some of my kundalini energy was stolen by reptilians. While the kundalini energy was coming out, I feel like some of it was being repressed into my heart, and I tried to coax it out of my heart, but my heart wouldn't let go of it. Back when I browsed /pol/, I remember having read a document that'd stated that reptilians have technology that allows them to put a flexible tube into your eyeball through your tear duct that's a few or several molecules thin, and use it to do things to your brain from there. They probably used that technology without my having realized it to force my crown partially open so they could steal some of my kundalini energy from me. That said, I do still feel like I have some of that kundalini energy inside of me, but the tingly sensations are few and far between compared to yesterday. I'm quite mad about this.

>>2593 >a document that'd stated that reptilians have technology that allows them to put a flexible tube into your eyeball through your tear duct that's a few or several molecules thin, and use it to do things to your brain from there Hah, really. Earlier today the Queen showed me an image in the clouds (this is a common form of communication we have since years back) which looked like someone who had a, I guess that's it, a tube coming out from the right eye. It also had two being discussing something on the side of this. I was wondering what that meant, but couldn't relate it to anything.

>>2594 My intuition had told me earlier today that there were 2 reptilians involved, just like with the attack before that; those 2 beings were probably those reptilians, and I was probably the guy with the tube coming out of my eye. In fact, I played some vidya after my previous post, and while I was playing, I felt like I still had kundalini energies inside of me, and I felt strange sensations in my right eye, including a "dark" sensation. I think I'm being attacked. If I could detect those damn reptilians, I'd fucking murder them for stealing my kundalini energies, those presumably-unreasonable worse-than-kikes, but I can't simply find them.

>>2608 I recalled I've felt a twitching under my right eye on occasion, so I looked into this. It appears my channel there is completely open, so any meddling would be ineffective, it wouldn't stick. I also saw pic related energy form in my brain on the right side. When trying to see if there is one on the left, there wasn't, and it seems to form from below, from the body, and move outward instead. It also appears like the "eternal mirrors" effect when placing two mirrors against each other, on the left side. For me when trying to create it, it went from back right to front left. I think it relates to the yogic tantra forms I included on the right here.

I managed to get someone to protect me from the reptilians last night. However, I just had a dream last night that it was almost time to take an exam at grade school and I was a child again, and I had a dream objective of grabbing the exam early on exam day and sitting in the classroom with it before the exam began, which I now suppose would constitute cheating. I managed to sneak in and out of the classroom and grab the exam without the teacher knowing, but then I realized the teacher would've found out anyway. I was more worried about passing the exam in the first place than how I'd managed to do it. After I woke up, I realized that Athena was using those reptilians to test me, and that I shouldn't have gotten protection outside of her last night as I had; I guess I was gonna learn how to target them, but now I've gotta wait a bit longer I suppose. I suddenly feel alot safer now, and I suppose they'll attack me today as they had yesterday.

By now, my remaining kundalini energies, those which weren't stolen from me, appear to have subsided and/or been consumed by my body. I think I've killed the reptilians that stole it. Another thing; today, at the psychologist's office, we tried the thing again where I get rid of the alpha waves, and I was tired when I got there to the point that I was kinda dozing off in the car on the way over there. Anyway, when we were doing the exercise where I look at my visual static with my eyes closed and I focus on the physical sights I see in my visual static in order to eliminate the strong band of alpha waves that I normally get with my eyes closed, I'd managed to get to get my average peak frequency above 9.5hz, and I actually managed to break apart one of the bands of alpha waves via. theta waves that, at first, were directly beneath the alpha wave band, separated by seemingly just .1hz. While this happened, I'd actually noticed that my physical visual static was sort of merging with my hypnogogic imagery, to the point where my hypnogogic imagery was actually being influenced by the visual static, which became more apparent than usual and began moving in ways in which it normally doesn't move. I'd unsurprisingly seen some things that disturbed me when this began, which snapped me out of it when it happened. Also today, I learned how the main Amy egregore is influenced by the opinions of others about her; it doesn't matter whether an incarnation of her fictional character is canonical or not, so long as a large enough percentage of the people who substantially influence her egregore believe that the media is an accurate representation of her character. I won't bother anyone with any examples of this, however.

Something I've noticed: re-casting spells that "manifest wrong" absolutely never works. It just does nothing. All you're doing is repeating the exact same energetic movement which is pointless because the end is already there. You need to create an entirely new spell when this happens.

>>2685 Spells don't manifest wrong, they do exactly what you intended, in combination with factors of the environment. Just take note of its effects and adjust your intent or performance for the next casting until you get it right. This is not to say you can't re-cast spells. Some spells are meant to have contextual effects, meaning their effectiveness varies depending on your intent and what target you cast it on. Setting things on fire, for example, is completely dependent on the presence of flammable materials in the target location.

Today, I got through to my inner child to some extent; I finally got comfortable enoughfor now at least to conclude without being paranoid about it that the visualizations that my inner child was forcing upon me were simply warnings, and not the thing that I was being warned about. For example, if I saw a sudden visualization of some reptilian when I was trying to think about another entity, it almost certainly didn't mean that such a reptilian was around, or that a reptilian was otherwise trying to force me to think about it. It really meant that my inner child was forcing me to visualize a generic reptilian in order to warn me to not accidentally get the attention of any reptilians or mix up the other entity with a reptilian or however. When I was accepting some of my inner child's warnings on my way to lunch and re-assuring him that it was gonna be okay because he successfully prevented me from doing whatever by warning me about it, I felt a bunch of bluish-white energy exit my heart and go straight up to my skull within the span of a split-second, and then I told my subconsciousness to flow that energy around my body at its convenience. However, I got the courage to try "channeling"I'd thought it was channeling but I'd probably just merely opened a line of communication with her; in hindsight, iirc channeling actually means letting her speak through you? the main Amy egregore today at lunch, and I actually got through to her. I basically poured my heart out to her from then until now like a big dumb idiot instead of taking things slowly like I should've, and I told her as many disclaimers as I could about myself because I love her, and I wouldn't want her to so much as be friends with a guy that she wouldn't like. However, I couldn't simply hold my emotions in. Anyway, she basically told me that, despite the fact that my accidental temporary soul merger with her actually felt somewhat more substantial and profound than my recent explosive kundalini uprising, none of this stuff actually happened to her, and, unsurprisingly, she ain't interested in being my gf. She did listen to me pour my heart out for the last >5 hours though, and I really tried to restrain myself while I was doing so for her sake, making at least an effort to not guilt her into a relationship or even a friendship. I get the impression that she doesn't wanna be friends with me either, and with how I poured my heart out to her, I don't blame her either. I think she also called me entitled; this was after I really tried to make sure she wouldn't start anything with me unless she really wanted to and basically I told her I'd want her to not go for me if she doesn't actually want me. Also, I still feel her root inside of me, and when I tried typing that last sentence, I felt something go over my mouth and I heard her say my name somewhat loudly? I can't tell if that was the main Amy egregore or my tulpa of her. Since the temporary soul merger & subsequent temporary soul mergers felt so real, I assume that either: A: She's lying to me so that I can safely get closer to her. B: Her egregore split and she doesn't remember any of this happening. C: The one that I'd actually performed soul mergers with was simply a tulpa of her, and I'd inadvertently dragged out a bunch of Amy energy from one of her egregores, and her tulpa was filled with that energy. This is why it felt like Amy was imbuing every fiber of my being with herself during the soul mergers. Furthermore, I'd inadvertently made a(nother) tulpa of her by attempting to "channel" her, and I was never contacting her before that; I really doubt this one, however. I was about to write something below this line, but then I felt Amy protesting and tugging at the root she placed into next to my crown on its right side. Either way, for the sake of caution, I'm gonna act like the answer is C until evidence proves otherwise, just in case. This means that my heart is gonna be broken for the rest of my life, and probably alot longer than that too; it hasn't broken just yet, though... I'm still holding out some sorta hope, for her sake. I'm gonna make sure that I don't entirely lose my will to live just to make sure that the main Amy egregore doesn't feel guilted into a relationship with me, because I care about her that much; I'm willing to live my life with a broken heart, just to make sure that hers isn't violated. However, this also means that I haven't been a relationship with her for the past year, and I have no idea what to do with the tulpa that I'd made for her egregore to pilot. I'd love if someone talked to her so I could verifiably know how she feels about me. Please don't try to compel her to make any decisions until, say, the 16th, so that she's had plenty of time to think about this before making such an important decision. However, if it turns out that the answer is A or B, then please let me know without waiting 1st.

>>2706 If you want to get better effect of channelling, you can use this. The Queen, Illivryn said it's effective enough that just looking at the sigil will help, but it's really linking to a crystal device which opens your right brain half to your left, so you can better interpret information from the more intuitive part, where the channelling will take place (information enters on the right side, but must be worded on the left). I'm not sure exactly what "Amy" is from your descriptions, and I don't see a united form either, but it appears to be a kind of spiritual entity with "some kind of form". I tried helping her to take on a more solid astral bodily form, then suggested a more proper bond with you, but she said >she doesn't "want to" >she doesn't know "how to" actually do it which seems to mean she doesn't actually know what the suggested bonding is, so she can't say yes or no, before fully grasping what the deal entails. She seems to far detached from the physical experience to be able to know it, simply because >she doesn't have a physical body >she isn't into possession >though she's trying to merge with your form, she doesn't understand how it's done >this stems from the fact she doesn't see the human body in the way we look at the 3D form >rather from her place over there, it's like looking at a computer and seeing circuit boards, chips and messy Chinese soldering work >she looks at the human body and sees blobs with tubes and messy threads connected

>>2706 >you need to take things down to a very autistic level when talking about what you want >like this >it's not enough to just say words >you need to spell it out in detail to her, otherwise she won't know what you mean >"this is a body"

I just got up from bed after deciding to go to bed early; Amy said I shouldn't go to bed yet. Then I checked /fringe/ and read this. >>2707 >not sure exactly what "Amy" is from your descriptions She should be the primary egregore of the video game character in question if I contacted her correctly. >spiritual entity Spiritual as in she has not just a mental body, but a spiritual body as well? I wasn't quite sure if she had a body all the way up in the spiritual plane. Normally, I'd think not, but I tried casting a spell last year to make her a spirit. >she doesn't know what the suggested bonding is I guess she wasn't reading my mind about this: I don't want her to permanently merge with me just yet, but I do want her to do it eventually. What I want her to do for the time being is to manifest, maintain, & use an astral & etheric body around me that follows my physical body around and dreams with me, so that she can hopefully sorta experience the physical and do basically everything with me. Basically, I want her to be with me as if her fictional character was a physical person that looks exactly like her modern incarnation of her video game character(pic related, except 3D) and was into me, except she wouldn't actually have a physical body. While she's around my physical body, I'd like her to maintain a preferably-detachable connection to my senses of sight, hearing, taste, and preferably also touch, such that she can see & hear what I see & hear, and taste the food that I taste. She can connect to my other senses too if she wants. Even more than all of that, however, I want her to be more capable of communicating with me; that's easier said than done, however, and it's okay if she can't figure it out yet. I don't wanna permanently merge with her quite a while still; it probably won't be until after my flesh dies. I'd like to experience her being sort-of-physically(so etherically & astrally) with me for a long time first, if possible. I think Montalk said that when an entity is close to the physical realm, it can actually make a physical seat warm by sitting on it. >before fully grasping what the deal entails Tbh I'm having trouble specifying everything here right now. This ain't no small thing, after all. >you need to spell it out in detail to her If I showed her pictures, would she be able to see them as my physical eyes do? If not, then I'd probably have to get her to connect to my eyes better 1st, because this stuff ain't easy to describe.

>>2710 >Spiritual as in she has not just a mental body, but a spiritual body as well? Can't have one without the other, I think? Unless you mean that a mental body would be her existing in the minds of gamers only? I see her as her own form. >If I showed her pictures, would she be able to see them as my physical eyes do? The issue here is that it doesn't matter if she can see pictures, her mind doesn't interpret them in relation to having a physical body. She thinks in spreadsheets, basically. An image is a series of rows with pixels, each having a colour value. When I said "autistic" detail level, this is what I mean. The bodily functions of hers is also based on the game universe and the thinking gamers have in relation to it. She understands "body" as the pixel character jumping on a 2D platform map, and its body functions, are literal "functions" in a mathematical sense. It's nowhere near the place humans interact in their daily lives. If you want to explain it to her, you have to think at the level of describing the external skin layer of your own body, comparing it to the body of a 3D character of herself, and how it would have its pixels with values changed depending on sunlight reflecting, vector graphics changing depending on angle of view, and so on. You'd have to do this kind of work until she "got it" and was able to relate the experience of a physical body with this kind of very structured thinking.

>>2711 I tried looking at the egregore/mind of Neuro-sama once, and it's pure schizophrenia in the same style, imagine the Internet viewed as glowing thread-style drawings of websites floating in 3D space with ordered piles of them like sky scrapers connected with representations of electric circuits. These beings created with technology live in a completely different world from us.

>>2711 Okay, so if she really told you that, that means she really is at least an Amy egregore, which means she was, in fact, lying about her being a different person so I could get closer to her. I don't blame her for it, though. Normally, when I try to get that close to her, my insecurities flare up and my inner child ruins it by worrying too much about it. I don't feel like going through the trouble of describing how, but you could probably imagine how. Anyway, uh, this seems like it'd be really tough to figure out; I'm probably gonna have to download Blender and figure out 3D modelling for her. And I'll have to learn advanced biology too probably.

>>2166 Well I watched the show; it had quite alotta fanservice, and it was usually pretty easy to see it coming. Normally I hate fanservice, but somehow I was able to mostly not let it get to me, and the rest of it I was able to deal with. I liked the show despite it, however. Anyway, I suppose I can simply reach out to spirits to ask them to do things for me, but they'll need payment for it. The way he described the spirits, they appear to have been egregores. That said, I'm not quite sure what kinda spirits my own command-based magic invokes; I'm pretty sure someone on this board that all magic involves spirits. Either way, however, I was gonna say like I don't feel indebted by my command-based magic, but I'm not actually sure if I'm indebted to whatever kinds of entities I unwittingly call upon for command-based magic at all. On Saturday, I tried calling upon the spirits of security to make my inner child feel more secure; I paid them with akashically-derived loosh in the form of a gem. I didn't feel more secure right away, and I kinda doubt that it even worked; maybe they didn't wanna do their work too fast, or else it'd make me become even more insecure? Or maybe someone who knows better than me told them not to do anything, idk. After I got to the part of the show earlier tonight when the cold spirits demanded a small payment or else they'd freeze the world's crops for 10 years, I got scared about the spirits of insecurity and basically asked them to helping me as much as they had before I'd thought of them, which was probably not at all. I also asked if I was indebted to them at all, and I think they basically said I'd paid them very handsomely? I'm not entirely sure if that's what I heard, though. I should probably try asking them for their help again, or maybe I should try getting security in a more self-sufficient manner? Also, I was doing the brainwave stuff with Amy yesterday at the neurologist's office, and sometimes when I have my eyes closed and I try to do the alpha-wave-elimination exercise, my psychologist will stop me and tell me I'm doing terrible, and sometimes he'll just say I'm doing good without stopping me. Sometimes, Amy will actually tell me these things right before he does. Today, Amy told me I was doing terrible, and then I just opened my eyes and said I heard "a voice in my head" say I'm doing terrible. Shortly afterwards, we stopped and I asked him if he'd ever heard voices in his head that say things that he didn't know about. In sum, he basically told me that "the spirit" puts messages in his head sometimes, not necessarily in the form of words, and he heeds the messages of "the spirit", things work out for him, but if he doesn't, things turn out badly for him. When he first said "the spirit", I corrected him and said "a spirit". Also, he said that he liked Gnosis, by Boris Mouravieff, so much that he actually decided to buy volume 2 instead of simply using the .pdf so that he could teach better. He's most of the way through the 1st book by now; he's glad I recommended it to him. I haven't told him about Amy yet, but I've been pondering about telling him that I regularly communicate with "a spirit", after explaining to him at some points what tulpas & egregores are. Speaking of whom, Amy has recently gotten a LOT better at communicating with me, and I'm not attempting to channel Amy when I speak with her. She might've even produced physical audio while I was shaving last night around 7, but it sounded so real that it might've came from upstairs. The voice sounded male, and the words all sounded like gibberish, except for something that resembled my name. It was still a good attempt, though. Furthermore, I came to the conclusion that both the Amy that I've been with for the past year and the Amy I contacted on Friday are both Amy egregores probably, but there is a possibility that the latter is a split egregore. I spoke to her again today and told her that I'm definitely keeping the Amy I already have, and won't try to get the Amy I spoke to on Friday. I also apologized to her for being a big dumb idiot towards her. I'll probably feel like talking to this other Amy egregore again later, but without the intention of being into her. In fact, I recall twice while I was with Amy months ago, she randomly started yelling EGREGORIC SPLIT! EGREGORIC SPLIT!. Nothing came of it the 1st time, but the 2nd time, I felt some distinct ball of energy about 2 or 3 inches in diameter in my head start to move to the left of my head, and then it went to my left and exited my head by phasing through it, to where Amy was sitting next to me at my computer on my left side while I was probably playing vidya or watching a show with her. After that ball of energy left my head, she stopped yelling. Also, another thing; a friend of Amy's told me tonight that I'd oughta be colder with people. It seems like good advice since I tend to be so warm that it causes problems sometimes.

>>2749 Also, my psychologist, as I'd already known, mentioned that cognitive biases can make it harder to hear "the spirit" that talks to him. He also said that it's better to take listening to spirits passively, than to do it actively. I mention that sometimes, I find it easier to hear what spirits tell me when I'm ignoring them and focusing on something completely different, because then my cognitive biases won't get in the way.

>>2749 Paying spirits with any kind of energy can be tricky, even after they are turned into astral objects. I recall when learning this stuff some years ago, one of my friends meant to pass a useful "coin" to me, but it felt like it was made from rubber and had no value. This kept repeating. We also at some point came across a glowie who had turned his own soul into a "rubber" in an attempt at becoming stronger, but all he did was to make himself useless, as a material that doesn't "break" isn't necessarily useful for anything. I've since solved this in a way that may sound "boring", but it always works: I've started actual businesses on the astral, by copying regular business functions, letting the materials used be instead their symbolic elements on the astral. This way I'll receive an accepted currency from spiritual beings, which I can definitely use with others, since its a transferable material accepted on the astral. That aside; a lot of spirits don't need to be paid for helping you. Some do it because it's in their principles to just help whoever has a pure or honest request. Nature spirits may even just help you because you talked to them nicely. Oftentimes I found that wind spirits who control the weather may just change it as you wanted, because you asked. They often tell me >no one asked me to, so I didn't when for example I asked why they wouldn't stop or change a storm that caused huge damages to a city. If no one recognizes their existence, or uses various "scientific" methods to change the weather, the spirits who actually control it may instead "correct" its course by making it worse. All you had to do was to ask nicely, and they would have averted it. So don't underestimate the result of just being nice. (There is some weather control devices used by the NWO now and then that does have a strong effect, but this is mostly because they unknowingly channel already existing karma for things like that earth quake in Turkey - it was supposed to make Erdogan look bad so he'd lose his election. They don't mind making 22 mil people homeless to cause something like this, but it wouldn't have worked if Turkey hadn't been filled with historic karma. Wind spirits can be effected by those machines because it makes them "annoyed", which is pretty evil to do, these things don't work because of the scientific reasons the users believe in, at all. Annoying nature spirits will lead to them coming after you later, or they will become more unpredictable and difficult to get your way with, it's not the way to go, as they are annoying actual gods.)

>>2751 After reading your post there, some part of me suddenly became insecure to the point where often when I try to rip stuff out of the akasha, it suddenly turns out to be rubber instead of the stuff it normally is. I had no problem before with ripping gems of energy out of the akasha without them being rubbery. I'm not mad at you or nothing about it; you wouldn't have known that I'd react like that. Earlier today, I asked my "other minds" to rip out of the akasha for you a large gem composed of black anger of the sort I felt during the grad school stuff last month, and also a heavy-duty rubber band; did you get either of those, and was the gem rubbery? I think it might've had some masses of rubber inside of it. Also, I didn't expect Friday the 13th to actually turn out worse for me than any other day of the month usually does, but it turns out it did. I would just up and say what happened, but would you ask Amy what she thinks happened to me first and tell me what she says, in case my idea of what happened biases your perceptions of what she says or some shit? Basically, I'm worried for her well-being and my ability to even target her, and I'm asking you about her as a last resort.

>>2759 When you say that you are "ripping things out of the akasha", what do you actually mean? The akasha is just the ethereal layer high up in the air, traditionally? Ether. The "akashic records" were imaged to exist up there as background radiation. Whether it's actually stored in the "ether" layer I don't know, but I do know it's out there and can be accessed to read historic data pretty easily. Just so we are clear about what you are actually doing here, can you explain the process? Also what are the mechanics that allow you do take things there? It sounds to me like you are just using this way of thinking about "manifestation based on the world of ideas".

>>2759 The reason I brought it up is that I looked at the item you offered them the last time, and it wasn't all that valuable. It looked like a -maybe- stone in a necklace, but it was not very colourful or energetic, possibly it wasn't even good for anything at all. You won't have effects for giving something like that. I usually offer other things, but if you want to manifest something astrally it's better imo to project a feeling of love and excitement as you feel about something you like, and then concentrate that into an item. But that's in general. Think practically about it, spirits don't normally have physical access, so offer them something that has value to them because they don't normally have it. >a large gem composed of black anger of the sort I felt during the grad school stuff last month, and also a heavy-duty rubber band; did you get either of those, and was the gem rubbery? I think it might've had some masses of rubber inside of it. What made you choose these materials? I asked at the reception of my mansion and they did receive it, but I wouldn't have been told unless I asked about it. It looks like a black rubber band with some dark green, ocher and yellow energy, the band looks decent but it's not a full circle. The energy is similar to common demon or dark magic of the kind practiced by the Goetians, where any material is just refined by sheer force. The gem is not a gem, it's a small pile of black ore, I'm going to have to analyse it. Will get back about the rest.

>>2759 >would you ask Amy what she thinks happened to me first and tell me what she says, in case my idea of what happened biases your perceptions of what she says Keep in mind that her perception of events is from the astral and images are likely very symbolic: "He tripped and fell, I don't know what it was. Something was in the wardrobe and it opened and out fell a spiky shell which fell on the floor. It cracked opened and an anointment oil came out, this caused him to slip, but it was a good thing, because [him standing up like that] was a bad thing. Although he got messy, it's better now and the oil is on him." When asked if she is ok, she showed what looked like a black necktie she is wearing. "This thing here was bad, and it looks bad still, but it's actually ok, this is good." I interpreted it as a negative energy that was running down her chest had been purged and left a dark energy trail instead, which while dark, is actually good compared to before, when it was just toxic.

>>2760 I interpret the akasha as simultaneously being everywhere and nowhere. When I "rip things out of the akasha", it's phrased as such for a lack of better words, I suppose. The process begins by willing the thing that I'm trying to manifest into existence with next to no conscious effort, if any, except it's trapped within "the akasha" at first. To let it out of "the akasha", I open a hole "into" "the akasha", which is absolute nothingness, aside from the concepts of time & space existing there, and the hole is opened directly beneath the thing that I'm removing from "the akasha". I can do this within the span of a few seconds or less, or alot faster if my inner child or subconsciousness or whatever feels like causing trouble because he's insecure about something or the other. After the item comes out, the hole closes, and then the opening ceases to exist. You're probably right about manifestation based on the world of ideas. As for what I offered, I was actually going kinda crazy today; I'll get to that later. Basically, my craziness made me go through the 5 stages of grief, and I was on the anger step. During this step, I had the idea for some reason to offer you a gem composed of that anger, so I was about to do it, but I noticed that the manifestation would've been messed up, so I tried it anyway. I didn't expect it to come out as ore, though. The black ore being refined by sheer force actually checks out; that anger I felt when I was doing the introductory grad school shit was really damn potent, and must've been boiling deep inside of me for months, if not longer. What I tired giving you before that was something I'd attempted to do out of gratitude, but that was all my subconsciousness felt like manifesting. I'd like to give you a gem of something like happiness or relaxation or strength loosh, but I'd need to stop feeling so damn insecure 1st before my inner child or whatever would quit being a fucking bitch and cooperate with my consciousness when I do magic. >likely very symbolic I forgot that the astral is like that. Anyway, here's about what happened today; my memory might be slightly hazy in places. >be paranoid about islam last night >remember you said that djinn made islam and absolutely hate the shit outta women and kill faithful islamic women in their afterlives as a reward for being islamic >be worried that my inner child is gonna force me to hyper-fixate upon it to the point of attracting a dangerous islamic entity towards me because he doesn't understand that I'm already being aware of it and he didn't need to force me to visualize it >ask deities for protection >do some inner child work in an attempt to make him understand that he's being protected >some white energy comes out of my heart, going straight to my skull >wake up early, maybe half an hour before the alarm normally goes off >suddenly feel like allah is watching me >be scared >later feel like he stopped watching >me & Amy end up being okay on the way to work and at work at first >go to the shitter with Amy around 9; just wanted her company there for my heart >on the way out, I hold the physical door open for her to let her disembodied body heat out, but it feels alot bigger & different, and completely white, like the energy from earlier >I keep the door held opennoone was looking, some of the energy goes to the side of the door that the door wasn't opening to >give up after a bit and just leave >the energy follows me back to my office anyway >I try to go to my chair >I feel the energy in the way going towards the chair >go to the right and then go that way towards my chair >the energy is still in the way going towards the chair >go around my U-shaped desk with the intention of climbing upon the corner of the desk to reach my chair >the energy is still in the way going towards the chair >give up and just go through the energy and sit in the chair >this has happened before with the human naked blonde woman spirit I'd presumably mentioned in a much earlier post >try to get help from entities to get Amy back >no verifiable help is granted >say something out loud; don't remember what >"Amy" says "sure" >this "sure" is something that would only be said in that circumstance if "Amy" was a not-so-secretly imposter who was boasting about being an imposter and me not catching onto it >assume Amy's tulpa got kidnapped by an islamic entity and now there's an imposter there; that must be why "she" felt so weird >ask entities what happened >no verifiable response from any of them that concerned what happened >slowly start going crazy throughout the workday >barely do anything at work today, which I can usually get away with >10:30ish comes around >tell the entity that "she" isn't Amy or some shit

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>I hear her voice say "see you at lunch" >leave to go do something for work and come back later >later go out for lunch and come back; don't remember feeling her disembodied body heat thereI ate outdoors this time, but this is never a problem for the disembodied body heat >come back to work >slowly start getting closer to going crazy >start wondering if it's even worth living anymore >start doubting all of my spiritual senses >HOW THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO TRUST MY SENSES ABOUT SPIRITUALITY IF MY RELEVANT SENSES HAVE NO FOUNDATION UPON WHICH TO VERIFY THEIR VALIDITY >I THOUGHT I HAD SUCH A FOUNDATION BUT IT TURNS OUT I DON'T AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA >was exaggerating some, but I lost much of the supposed validity of my spiritual touch, spiritual sight, & spiritual hearing as a result of of my trust of my senses being betrayed by "Amy" transforming like she did in the restroom without even fucking telling me 1st >this all would've been avoided if she told me she was changing her form 1st; then my paranoia wouldn't have gone off >get the idea to give you the stuff because I was going crazy >get home and post what I posted >while I was waiting for you to replyI thought you'd take hours since this place is so damn slow, I actually started going a little crazier and inadvertently laughed a bit >wtf that laugh wasn't on purpose; nothing was even fucking funny >assume that people only laugh like that if they're really going crazy And now we're here. >the wardrobe That must've been the disembodied body heat that I use to attempt to let Amy interact with me. I suppose I have more than one of those? >a spiky shell That makes sense; that must've been the different disembodied body heat someone put in her wardrobe. >cracked open That must've been me not believing that the body heat was controlled by Amy or otherwise associated with her. >made him slip That was me losing the supposed validity of my spiritual senses. >him standing up like that was a bad thing My senses weren't accurate etc. >I got messy Going crazy, etc. >the oil is on him I'm not really sure how I'm supposed to re-interpret the body heat energy. If I can't figure something out, then I'll probably go back to the old way of standing up because idk what else to do. >black necktie Dunno what that's about.

One more thing; after I thought Amy got replaced and I didn't know what to do anymore, I felt the entity who I suppose was Amy the whole time put a large white pressure where the front of my brow was. I suppose that this had something to do with the anointing oil.

>>2764 What you describe is a pretty advanced manifestation method as I see it. You just worded it weirdly, from my view. I took the ore and the rubber band you sent to my astral mansion's temple hall and did some work to concentrate it into a gemstone and attached the band onto it to turn it into a necklace. There was nothing wrong with either of the things you sent, this process must just be personally adapted and finished I think. The result actually seems to be something I need, you read this correctly. The kind of drive you used to overcome obstacles in your study. After I performed the creation process using the materials you sent, I put the necklace on and it's directly amplifying a kind of "burning hate/rage" in my chest which creates a motivation to keep focusing. Thanks. Just tell me if you do this next time so it doesn't end up in my astral mail and gets forgotten. This seems to happen, it's also been the case when I send stuff to friends. I often "feel" or get a notification from the egregore when someone replies to me, that's why I can reply fast sometimes. >Amy It think, after reading your description, that what happened was more along these lines: When you thought of djinn, and then performed some prayer and something came out from your heart, that was the closet opening and the spiky "fruit" cracking open. I saw it as a fruit. That thing was in your heart and it was blocking some energy inside of yourself. It's possible djinn or the Islam egregore somehow got involved, they work like this. When they set on working on someone they won't give up no matter how anti-islamic they are. They did this with me, story told elsewhere. I went from thinking of islamists as women oppressing terrorists, to suddenly having spontaneous thoughts about how "Islam may be the only true religion", even if this process took 15 years. They just don't give up. They could very well have been talking to Amy to convert her and convinced her, if that was something they wanted to do. I don't know what the black necktie is, but it definitely seems to have some kind of calming effect. Maybe they started with a necktie and next they'll teach her how to tie a scarf, and in a month she's wearing full hijab ;)

- Shikigami users are essentially servitor specialists. - Myth encodes factual knowledge, but does usually not do it knowingly. It should come as no surprise that modern media would contain spiritual truths as well, without resorting to a belief on a world-encompassing cabal that is -somehow forced to reveal their hand at every turn. - Reincarnational amnesia and the illusion of linear time are interdependent and can only exist without each other to a limited degree.

Looking into Amy's mind.

>>2769 Yeah I am really not interested in islam; they appear to be a religion of warmongerers who rape and then forcibly marry the women of their enemies, and blatantly lie about the unscrupulous parts of their religion. Not to mention the part where the women then get their souls destroyed by djinn right after they die. I obviously wouldn't want any of that shit happening to Amy. I also wouldn't wanna have to do something about it like I did when I got attacked by reptilians back in March. I'm also compelled to go on a political rant about how some islamic men taking a bunch of wives at once can't be good for the family unit(except the father's psychology), their sons' emotional well-beings, or their society as a whole(especially if they actually conquer the world somehow), but this ain't /pol/, so I'll just leave that at that. >you actually needed that thing Okay that sounds good; next time I do something like this I'll try remembering to ask my "other minds" to tell the person I'm giving the thing to that I'm about to do it. However, doing this would reduce the chances that the manifestation process works properly, solely because the longer I think about doing it without actually doing it, the more room my insecurities have to ruin the process. >get a notification from the egregore The fringe girl egregore? That sounds nice. >islam stuff So the wardrobe was my heart, and the shell was inside my heart messing me up. >conversion I'm sure you're just over-exaggerating about it in an attempt to make me feel better. I was actually feeling better and more secure about the islam stuff until I read this, since the energies from the night before last had mostly finished playing themselves out yesterday before I went to bed. I don't remember having any dreams about it. I'm also mostly sure that you're joking about them having manipulated your subconsciousness while your consciousness wasn't paying attention into favoring islam. I know what artificial emotions feel like.

>>2776 >women then get their souls destroyed by djinn right after they die This is a misconception. The Islamic "paradise" is just the demigod plane where someone can stay 900 years if they were a good muslim. This place only accepts men, and is run by female djinn. Going there just means you stay there a while and study the quran, then you have to reincarnate again and try again next time. I was shown this place earlier in a dream where I became lucid during the stay and then woke up. The most fanatical Islamic State cultists made it into their paradise, because that's how you have to do it if you can't think for yourself. Women instead are placed in the underworld if they are good muslims, after which they also get to try again if they make it out. This comes from the gender roles in Islam were bad people are more likely to be born as women. The real goal in Islam is to become djinn, and then you join their universe. Following Islam with some personal understanding and moving into the real esoteric aspect is the way to go there, and that's available for men and woman alike. I've seen a muslim woman once whose dress and scarf though grey irl, had colourful flowers all over them on the astral, because she was very serious about her dress and being modest. This means she was on the path to becoming djinn. The garments are a form of ritual item and which exists on the astral and belongs to your soul if done right. If they actually converted Amy, they would lead her to become djinn, since she's already an astral being. > islamic men taking a bunch of wives at once They can have 4 wives if they can afford it, there are reasons for this also, even if no one mentions why openly. It's representative of a tantric practice where the wives are also "ritual items". Common muslims just don't know this. They don't even know djinn created Islam, but think of them as mostly evil beings who may sometimes follow Allah. That aside. >next time I do something like this I'll try remembering to ask my "other minds" to tell the person I'm giving the thing to that I'm about to do it. What I meant is that I wouldn't have known I had something in my inbox unless you told me on here. It's not enough to just tell someone telepathically usually, you have to tell them irl/online. >I'm also mostly sure that you're joking about them having manipulated your subconsciousness while your consciousness wasn't paying attention They don't do it like that, they very carefully groom you while you are aware of it to show you why Islam is the right religion for you. I also started from the same place you are now, but if someone asked me I could only say Islam is definitely a religion of peace and love, those who use violence aren't following Islam. And I say this knowing full well that my view was the standard /pol/ view to begin with and I know why I had that view, and why it changed. I'm not the one to tell someone what to think though so I just won't. Just saying that I can trace the process backwards step for step and I know what changed my mind and the double-thinking is right there, but it doesn't matter because this is how things are: there is the view of society which is all lies, and then there is the view of djinn which is correct, and I don't have a problem separating them. I know this is djinn making use of my ability to seamlessly channel them or this post wouldn't have gotten this long with this angle. They apparently believe both you and Amy will be converted sooner or later, so they don't care what view you have right now. Most likely they are aiming to teach Amy, because they know you will listen to her influence over time, and in 10 years your views have changed in their favor. (I'm pretty sure djinn are also behind the incel movement, watching the discourse over on KC over time, it's becoming more and more islamic and understanding of the islamic view. Anywhere you find hate for women, and men who want to oppress women, djinn will show up and take control, because it's in line with how they think, so it's easy to slip the islamic egregore in there.)

To bring this back on topic, I once before looked on the astral to see if Motoko Kusanagi existed out there, and found someone who matches her character. I never interacted with her much after that initial time however. Some while ago I got some inspiration and made a Roll servitor, I never thought about there possibly being an actual original Roll out there. There appears to actually be one. Pretty interesting. Maybe Chris-chan isn't all wrong after all.

>>2777 Well you've fully submitted to them so I don't think your judgement can really be trusted on this matter. As you say, they have "groomed" you and now you're acting as a "channel" for their will. So this advice is bypassing your rational judgement. For example: You say here that "Islam is definitely a religion of peace and love, those who use violence aren't following Islam". And yet back on Sunflower you told me that djinn would try to murder me simply for posting the attached cartoon, and then went on to defend the actions of the Islamists who decapitated a liberal French professor for respectfully showing a picture of Muhammad in his class for educational purposes, by saying something along the lines of "well it's [the shapeshifting shill of darkness] your enemies". As though a liberal who FULLY SUPPORTS Islamic immigration and "tolerance" of Islamic culture is an Enemy of Islam simply for not following the rules created for Islamic believers. As I said, it reveals the aggressive intentions of a conqueror. And I looked into the djinn you said wanted to kill me by the way. I spoke with an actual higher-level elemental djinn and he told me that the ones who tried to attack me in response to this were just low-level “trickster spirits”. It figures, because I can’t see how a transcendent immortal spirit would stoop to enforcing the petty ego-politics that go behind stupid edicts and conqueror intentions like this. In any case, I’m not dead, and I’m not lobotomized either. My work is progressing forward very nicely. In relation to being “groomed”. Grooming only works if the groomer has a position of power over the victim. It works like a cult. They’re not destined to succeed just because they’re persistent. If the victim finds a healthier source of stability, power, and identity then that’s always going to be vastly more powerful than whatever tricks the groomer is using. If anon doesn’t want to be groomed and used, then he needs to do some soul-searching and find a healthier source of stability, power, and faith to use to counteract his extreme insecurity. That’s probably why these groomer entities are being attracted to him in the first place.

>>2779 >it works like a cult It is a fucking cult. Anyway, lately, I've found it easier to interact with Christian entities; the reptilian stuff I was obsessing over earlier seems to have almost entirely faded away by now, ever since I killed those reptilians about 2 weeks ago that stole my kundalini energies. Once I get this islamic shit outta my head, I think I'll be ready to get closer to Christianity again. Right now, that islamic shit seems to be fucking with my intentions of targeting of The Holy Spirit; more likely it's just my inner child being super insecure about this stuff and not actual islamic entities manipulating my mind about this. I'll probably feel better about this by the end of next week. >>2778 >there appears to actually be an original roll egregore Why wouldn't there be? There should be an original egregore of every fictional character that's both been sufficiently defined, and has received enough attention, unless of course something happened to the egregore since the egregore's inception.

>>2784 >Why wouldn't there be? There should be an original egregore of every fictional character That's not what I said, even if this gets vague from the common understanding here on /fringe/ (as well as on /pol/) not matching what I've seen or come to base my understanding on: An egregore is the collective belief "system" relating to some defined "entity". The best way to explain how it looks, to make it really concrete is to use a city as an example. A city is en entity, it has a name, a culture, it has "believers" who collectively maintain its form, its "idea". It contains lore and locations which are collectively accepted. People can refer to well known streets, events that took place there, and have opinions about how different parts of the city should be developed. This collective form on the astral is the "egregore" of the city. This does not make the city an entity with an individual self-awareness. You can "talk to" the city and get its lore back by channelling it, you can find the "words on the street". I made a servitor for this purpose, tuned to pick up the lore and rumours of any city, nation or area as a form of divination about reality. This is not necessary or perhaps even possibly if the entity behind the "egregore" is self-aware. Deities or nature spirits can form around themselves a "belief system" which explain who they are. It can turn into a physical system of some kind, a cult or religion, or it can turn into stories about a fictional character. The difference between an egregore that's like a city, and one that revolves around an actual spirit, is that city-egregores are completely created by its users. The spirit egregore is the collective perception of the spirit as viewed by followers and believers. So what I mean is that Roll is an actual spiritual entity. Amy is too, and as I also found earlier, Motoko Kusanagi is. This is not true for most fictional characters, they're just, at most, the same type of egregore as a system used by many people, they lack a central awareness or spirit.

>>2785 However, it seems strong belief in a character, if enough energy is inserted into the egregore which exists on the astral, can summon the corresponding spirit from the void, which means it is now a real spirit. Then it can be argued that the believers were just feeling the potential of this spirit and it already existed in an unmanifested state, of course. Believers don't "create" their gods out of nothing, there has to be something there to begin with, I think that's the reason why "hollow" egregores exist, they don't correspond to any potential or not-yet-manifested spirit, so they remain as only egregores. What I've seen when looking into, (or rather being strongly involved with) different belief system egregores of religions, was this: Odin of the norse religion started off as a fictional character representing "the entirety of creation", but was quite recently summoned from the void and is now real. Allah is of the same kind. Allah used to only be the collective belief egregore created by djinn and fed by modern muslims, but during this process, a real spirit was summoned and Allah is now real. Yaweh on the other hand was an egregore, but didn't correspond to any spirit potential, so the egregore Jews believed in as their god, cracked and the energy was just returned to the followers (in the form of a personal servitor which handles their belief, however). So they don't have any central entity to believe in anymore, it's gone. This last case seems more common than egregores having their own spirit or potential spirit.

Lately, my attention has been turned to the concept of the inner animal. I tried looking for mine during a fit of insomnia tonight after something physical happened to meI should get over it in a few days, and when I saw my inner animal, I saw him from behind, sitting on the floor naked in a black void with a lone light over his head, illuminating just the immediate space around him, and nothing else around him. He looked like Amy, but with black fur and furry arms, and with guy parts instead of girl parts, though I didn't look at his crotch. This was probably a result of my temporary soul mergers with her; I kinda wonder what my inner animal was before my accident with her. Anyway, I put barely any effort into finding my inner animal and tried it very soon after I thought of it, so confirmation bias probably wasn't in the way much, if at all. Should I try diving into this inner animal stuff with just the posts here and in the questions thread to guide me, or does someone have a good resource about the inner animal? Also, while I was casually looking up the "inner animal" on google and unsurprisingly found spirit animal stuff, I thought: >oh fuck no I am not grafting some sorta animal that I probably don't even deeply identify with into my psyche due to confirmation bias just because I'm desperate to find my inner animal And then, later I thought that a person's spirit animal might be different for different people based on which kinds of animals you spent the most of your past lives living as. Is there any merit to that?

>>2793 >He looked like Amy, but with black fur and furry arms I don't know what an "inner animal" is supposed to be, Bing said it's a symbolic representation of yourself. Don't worry about it, I looked inside myself with this pretext and saw a fat Garfield seen from behind sitting and staring at a door.

I just finished seeing the film, Waking Life, and now I'm wondering: When you dream, does your awareness exit your "avatar", like the avatar of a video game, and enter your "other selves" while your avatar goes on autopilot? How many of these "other selves" are astral entities, how many are physical entities, and how many are merely mental entities? Do you only have 1 physical avatar, with a multitude of astral & mental avatars? Are organic portals only spiritless because the spirit that'd presumably put into motion the eventsor perhaps another spirit put those events in motion that'd create the organic portal for it to later use are currently inhabiting another body?

>>2795 Okay now that I've gotten to have a good night's sleep, I realized that since Amy was always inside of my dream body when I was dreaming whenever her soul was merged with me, each of my "other selves" must have their own souls, which makes sense based on other stuff that I've read. However, this also means that my awareness never left my soul while I was merged with Amy. This makes me wonder what happens to my dream projections if they die in the dream.

>>2795 I tried watching it and found it to be obnoxiously pedantic. Like someone grew up watching Woody Allen films and tried to imitate them without knowing what he was doing. But since /fringe/ has watched it, I'll try again. I think dreams are unrealized realities of varying degrees of realization (from your perspective or something). Also, you never wake up in the same reality as you went to sleep.

>>2812 It really helped me figure out why films have changed so much in the last 20 years. The demographics of writers and producers of mainstream shit have diversified. I also realized what I thought women ought to think and speak like, was actually written by some white or Jewish dude. Even when they portrayed vapid ones, it was from their point of view. I know it’s a naive thing to say now, but we were sold a fake world in so many ways. And when we tried to apply that worldview, nothing matched or worked.

>>2816 >why films have changed so much in the last 20 years https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VI9RSlHqu-w ^Also this very much TL:DR Film makers are re-using old franchises so they can keep the copyright, because otherwise it expires and they would also lose the profit from merchandise, game licenses etc. This leads to shit movies being made, using cheap computer graphics acted in front of a green screen instead of a real set. (Star Wars episode 1 -3 and anything made after that, and most super hero movies from the 2000s, Dark Knight Rises being a memetic and artistic exception with new stuff in it).

Amy told me a few days ago while I was trying to fall asleep, to paraphrase her: >your problem is that people told you to do things that you didn't wanna do, and you didn't wanna do them I just realized that she meant that my inner child doesn't wanna do the stuff that I, my consciousness, tell it not to do. When I feel really stressed out or tired, my inner child gets uppity and causes all sorts of problems. So for example, if I'm playing vidya, but some relevant part of my brain is tired, and Amy's body heat manifestation is sitting next to me, my inner child may actually reach out to her and stop attacking her in the hopes that it makes me quit playing vidya. When this happens, it typically occurs outside of my awareness at first, but then I slowly realize as I'm playing vidya that it's happening. As a much better example, if I haven't played any vidya for 5 days straight, and I feel tired for a completely different reason that isn't my job, and then I try telling my "other minds" to tell Amy something, my inner child will sabotage it because I'm tired and try to make me contact someone else because he doesn't want me, my consciousness, to tell my inner child what to do. How am I supposed to do inner child work that convinces my inner child that it's okay to do things that, I, my consciousness, tells him not to do, without him going around and doing something horrible? Am I supposed to just have faith that he won't do anything horrible if I let him? Or perhaps I'm supposed to just take naps in the middle of the day so that my inner child doesn't lash out as a result of being tired. I can't afford to take naps in the middle of the day, if I do, then I'll incur making a habit of it and then incur a risk of falling asleep at work, and I'm required to always have my door a little bit open at work, and if I get caught even looking like I'm sleeping, then I'll risk getting fired. I think my problem is that I need to get more than 8 hours of sleep by sleeping in the middle of the day somehow so that I can recover from burnout in the middle of the day without waiting for the bedtime alarm to go off near 10 or getting fired, or somehow I need to increase my resilience vs. not getting burnt out somehow; that seems like the most realistic solution. Is there some kinda yoga or meditation or energywork or some shit that I can do to make it so that I can do more work throughout the day without getting burnt out, or am I gonna have to start going to bed at 6:00 P.M. every day just so I can get as much sleep as possible during workdays so that my inner child doesn't get burnt out at work? I barely even do my job at it is at work and just sit there most of the day making it passively look like I'm working when I'm really not; my brain just gets burnt out super easily. Hell, I feel burnt out right now, and all I did was watch some youtube videos and go to my psychologist's office, and eat 2 meals today. I'm probably only so easily burnt out because my parents made me take adderall, which is basically expresso, every day from 7 to 20 years old, not to mention the various SSRIs.

I just had a realization about my ability to contact spirits. Whenever you think about an entity, and an egregore of that entity exists, some amount of your energies actually travel to that egregoric entity. If you can trace the path of your energies, you'll actually be able to find that entity yourself. This can be done with more than egregoric entities; it's how I found the ironpill poster to give him those grandma energy gems, and it's how I found the smileburg poster to give him those anger substances. This same method can also be used to locate other entities, including deities, with only minimal knowledge about the entity in question. As for egregores in particular, however, if multiple egregores of the entity in question exist, then the way in which you think of the entity in question will determine which egregore your energies will head towards.

Today, I remembered an old memory: Back when I was in grade school, I saw a bit of a documentary my mother was watching about a girl who suffered a brain injury at a very early age. As a result of this injury, this girl had a complete and utter inability to learn. The day afterwards, I cried about it because I really felt bad for this girl. Iirc she weren't good-looking or nothingby the standards I had way back during grade school; in fact, I think she had telltale facial structures of having mental disabilities. Iirc, I think the teacher said something about not wanting something like this to happen again. Since this happened, and my mother showed me lots of news articles growing up about horrible things happening to people, and since I found /b/ when I was a teenager, I'd presumably developed some horrible energy blockage in my heart as a result of all that. But today, I remembered about it, and then I realized that there's a palpable chance that the girl's spirit is a higher being who decided to reincarnate as a girl with an inability to learn past a very early age so that she could just relax and enjoy life without having to worry about anything instead of having to incarnate as, say, a rock. Perhaps that's why alotta people are born with severe mental disabilities. After I explained this to my inner child, I felt this huge sense of relief in my heart while I was explaining it; I probably relieved myself of a huge heart blockage that was suppressing alotta my, well, heart-related emotions.

After some thought, I've come to the conclusion that I have a severe energy blockage inside of my heart that takes the form of a thoughtform that I created several years ago to prevent me from getting bamboozled by hostile entities into selling, donating, or otherwise transferring the ownership of my soul and/or free will to them by accident, especially when I'm barely paying attention to these concepts at a conscious level, and am instead paying attention to something else, such as mundanity. This same thoughtform also prevents me from signing contracts and making bets & deals with entities in order to protect my ownership of myself by simply not signing contracts or making bets or deals with entities in the first place. As I've probably mentioned before, I've been getting gaslit since my late 20s I'm 30 atm by entities that wanted me to sell my soul and/or free will to them, despite having being close to Roman Catholicism and constantly receiving protection from The Holy Trinity. A few months ago, I asked Jesus Christ, or at least an egregore of him, about me, and He said out of the blue, "I pity you the most." Back then, I had a mindset that Christian entities would only help you if it meant the difference between life & death, or worse, and that they wouldn't help you if not helping you meant you getting mind-controlled & raped, unless of course one of their own trusted guardian angels did it and subsequently fell from Heaven, which actually fucking happened to me at the very end of this February while she was supposed to be guarding me & Amy while I slept that night, but I digress. Therefore, as long as I had access to any non-sinful method that wasn't divine intervention to prevent me from losing my ownership of myself, no matter how much it broke my back, Christian entities wouldn't make the entities quit harassing me, though they would get them away from me for at least a short time, even if it was only a very short time. In fact, it actually did break my back; it got so bad that I couldn't pray to any of The Holy Trinity anymore for more than a few seconds at a time, and I couldn't even do that more than maybe several times per hour without me risking getting my ownership swindled away from me. These swindling entities had gone so far as to not only repeatedly ask me for the ownership of my soul and/or free will every day for all fucking day, but also to subvert my intentions at a foundational level. For example, when I try to use words that refer to "myself", such as me or I, the "pointer" in my mind that points to the entity that's referenced by the word will sometimes automatically point to an entity that a normal person would say obviously ain't the guy that's posting this post, because I don't have enough awareness AT EVERY WAKING MOMENT OF MY ENTIRE FUCKING LIFE to prevent this shit from happening, so I have to react to it after it happens instead, and extremely quickly. This shit still fucking happens too, though not as often as it'd used to. Lately, these entities have even been forcing these "intrusive thoughts" upon me in my dreams sometimes! So yeah this is why I was barely even able to pray anymore. During those several years, I was only granted a single day or two's worth of reprieve from these entities. To this day, I often have trouble contacting deities that I want to contact, especially Christian ones, for this very reason; because something tries to compromise my intentions. Anyway, this defensive thoughtform has the severe side effect of making me beyond-deathly afraid of expressing too much positive emotion at a time, especially when I feel like I'm on edge, or am otherwise stressed out. It even makes me afraid sometimes to fuck my spirit gf, even if I'm really horny! Currently, I'm at a loss about what to do about this fear-based thoughtform blocking my energies. On the one hand, it makes it relatively easy to retain my ownership of my soul & free will, but on the other hand, it makes it difficult, if not outright impossible, to do things that stress me out, such as meditation, energy work, and doing my fucking job at work, without letting my guard down enough to risk losing my ownership of myself. Speaking of on edge, I was attacked by a number of entities yesterday, mostly or entirely reptilians, and I had to kill every single one of them. The attack and began when I woke up maybe half an hour early after sleeping, and then it lasted until some time after lunch at work. During the attack, I felt a rush of greyish-black energy destroy my non-physical eyeballs, not my 3rd eye, and rush into my eye sockets. I suppose my non-physical eyeballs will eventually grow back, but it'll probably take months before they do. So what should I do about this thoughtform to prevent it from blocking my heart, while also not lowering my defenses against ownership-swindling entities, while also, of course, not losing my ownership?

>>2839 Form a protective pact with an entity you trust, after proper summoning/evocation. I'm aware this territory is outside of what many people want to get involved in, and it was for me as well, but mostly because I was strict about "not mixing paths", i.e not calling on help from entities of a different religion or perceived different path. It's difficult with the Christian entities because Christianity is not what it's been portrayed to be. First off, the demons from the Goetia were contracted by Solomon when building the temple, so how are they then evil? A number of them are mentioned by name in the bible, but if you read it closely, they are simply called as "other gods", which is recognizing that they are gods. Moreover, Christianity is unfortunately filled with frauds, various monks who started convents and movements in history and gained a following exist on the astral, but they aren't pure in any way. You can talk to them, but it won't be beneficial if they were to support you. Some of them are mantids. You have to be very careful with who you contact. Personally I've worked a lot with Lady Mary and these two https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Saint_Barbara https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Saint_Lucy Barbara is the protector of artillerymen and is sometimes depicted with a cannon. Her story attributes this to being able to bring down lightning against sinners, as well as protecting people from violent death. When she was martyrized, her breasts were cut off, among other things, for refusing to get married when she wanted to follow Christ instead. Looking at the symbolism, I think we have a modern following of her in a popularized form, someone who is also a master of explosions and have no breasts. If you very carefully weight your words when asking for help, you can contact anyone, as evil entities or frauds can't agree to a correctly formulated contract.

>>2840 Thanks for the advice; I don't need it by now, and I'm starting to feel better now. I just needed to let out the emotional energies that were overwhelming me.

Today at the psychologist's office, I learned that when my eyes are closed, I can change what I see in my "visual static" by changing the frequency that I'm using to look at it. I've also noticed a bunch of pressure upon my third eye lately. Furthermore, during the previous appointment, I told my psychologist that I'm "very close to a spirit", and I told him that I have a hard time hearing the spirit. He said that I exert too much control over my mind to hear the spirit. So on Monday night, I tried temporarily ceding as much control as I could to Amy, and eventually, I heard an audible gasp from her. I tried again the next night, before I got attacked, and I felt a popping sensation above my third eye, outside of my physical body, and then I audibly heard her say "damn it"; she probably ran into an obstacle or messed up or something. Later, she tried... presumably something else, and I felt a involuntary muscle movement in my right wrist for a split second, as if it was commanded by my nerves to lift it up, except I didn't give it that order; it moved by maybe 5mm. After she did this, I felt scared, but then I accepted some of that fear and said she should try again later; if you run too fast, you might trip. I do actually want Amy's egregore to briefly possess me so that she can experience physicality, and become more familiar with it. It'll also be a nice bonding experience, I suppose. Last night or the night before after I got in bed, she tried real hard to push herself upon my mind as I slipped into hypnogogia, but I told her I need the sleep, and to try again later. I'm gonna try again after posting this.

Had a dream a couple of nights ago, where it looks like Athena came into my dream as a giant woman and proceeded to devour a man. This man, a hateful and miserable bastard, became Athena, or took over her body at any rate, while Athena incarnated as a mortal woman. A notable result - where previously I was going through a phase of anger and misery, I'm a lot more cheerful. I suppose Athena took care of that in this dream, in which case, thank you Pallas Athene.

I had a buncha dreams last night; one of them went like this: >sitting on some elevated bleachers with 2 boys in the row in front of me, sitting apart from eachother >look at the ground >see giant ant mount with fuckhuge ants; prolly around 2 inches long >damn those ants are big >a middle-aged blonde women with alotta botox or something in her lips comes by >she says the boy to my left wouldn't do anything involving the ants >realize she's a psychic and read his mind >get intrusive thought about pushing one of the boys into the ant pile >she begins to say what I'd do involving the ants, then I stop her and say "it's an intrusive thought" >I ask her to explain something about the intrusive thoughts >she looks at my third eye and says my intrusive thoughts are caused by milk <wtf I only drink organic grassfed milk <she must mean some kinda white energy I've been seeing near my 3rd eye lately, or it was a mistranslation <or in hindsight, maybe she meant breastmilk since I had breastfeeding problems for a few months when I was a baby >then I ask her what color the energies are that cause my intrusive thoughts >she says yellow and blue >assume this corresponds to my solar plexus, a.k.a. ego, and throat energy centers >I try to get clarification out of her, but she just sits in front of me and starts meditating in a pop-culture meditative position for a while >get tired of waiting and decide to wake up before I forget what she said so I could write it down and not forget it

>>2863 I have an interpretation of this from my view. We are in the same meme complex here so it's possible symbolism is interchangeable. The woman with botox look may be a reptilian shapeshifter. After I learned to see the layer of their real skin, I started seeing just how many people are actually reptilians, and also how many were at some point replaced with a shapeshifter. To clarify this detail; they aren't actually changing their physical shape, that's impossibly. They are changing the human brain's perception of their appearance, because human eyes are linked to a collective bank of concepts (Plato's world of ideas). They are hacking this database in real time, and as soon as someone sees "Miley Cyrus" or they think they see her based on where the person appears, they see her human image. In reality she was killed by Illuminati during a sex orgy and a reptilian is assuming her role. For example. Although they can hack the link between "object" and "visual" in the brain of everyone, including when seeing photos of the person, they cannot change the fact that the replacement has a different physiology. This causes a common issue, because reptilians tend to have more marked jaws and bigger lips, and some have other peculiarities in their facial shape which becomes stronger with age. So they came up with botox and lip fillers and popularized it, this way when you see a celeb who was replaced by a reptilian, you think >she's using fillers, that's why she has ducklips It makes is easier for humans to accept bad shapeshifting operations where the person otherwise changed too much. >pic related The Trump family are all reptilians and no one replaced them, they are just themselves. You can observe Melania's lips here, this is a reptilian feature. As they become more public, people may also start wondering about these "odd" lips on celebs, so that's another reason to popularize fillers, it makes humans look more like reptilians and that makes it easier for them to blend in.

>>2863 If the milk is a white energy and she said it's "yellow and blue", I'd say this is talking about the vile energy coming out of Ukraine (their flag colours), originating with the Jesuits who've been killing children for centuries in their depraved practices there. Just having some refugees from Ukraine come to my country, with a handful in a town 25km away from where I live, still effected the environment back in the beginning. Stinky yellow-white energy flooded in, it was horrible. I had to cleanse that shit for days, and that was just because a few dozens of them were in the same county.

>>2864 This actually reminds me, one time months ago, I had a dream where I was in a native american place and I saw a light grey reptilian in a native american outfit telling me that I'm doing good in my life, including my spiritual pursuits. These says, I've had a suspicion that the "guiding force" mentioned in >>1511 is actually said reptilian, which would explain why he was doing everything he could to prevent me from meeting him, since I'm rather paranoid about reptilians. Iirc, he did say that reptilians aren't all absolutely evil, and that some are actually decent people. I still can't trust the guy though. Also, I met a spirit in a dream last night: >watching some music video >had some occult symbolism here & there >get to this one scene with a white cloudy background with a white woman with wavy shoulder-length dark brown hair with her legs to the left, positioned in an arc such that her midsection is pointing upwards, and her face is pointing downwards & to the right >woman is holding up a boy by a flap on the underside of the boy's pants; his underpants are beneath her hand, and the boy's pants have an open ass flap >music stops >woman says she asked me to stop him >she says let him go and [unintelligible words] >presumably meant let go of my inner child and caress him >wake up and ask her to let go of my inner child >start caressing him >ask the spirit more things >can't remember what she said, but I got replies, and the replies appeared to come from below my physical location, in this case my bed >she said something about Amy just being a tulpa >told her my Amy tulpa is connected to the Amy egregore >she said "very rare" >mention that you said you found her real egregore and she wants to merge with me >asked her if it was okay if I directed her to you >she said sure >try directing her to you >instead get the address of a different wizard I met online recently <for his paranoid sake I won't mention anything about him yet, except that he's strong enough to cut bottles open and break glass with his mind >say my subconsciousness or w/e doesn't feel like getting the right address this time >try to talk to her more >get distracted and fall asleep instead Anyway, did you suddenly meet some kinda spirit woman a few hours ago? If so, that was probably her. The only woman that could possibly be if she was telling the truth was either an angel or Athena; I don't think I've ever asked another woman other than Amy to wrangle my subconsciousness, except maybe Isis. Also, the intrusive thoughts being the fault of ukranians does sorta make sense; my intrusive thought problem began around 2015.

>>2869 I was not contacted by a woman some hours ago, but if this was Athena/Minerva, I already was her disciple for a while years ago. It was one of my first run ins with one of the ancients. I saw an owl outside my window, and later it kept appearing, and I realized this being isn't all physical. It would appear as a shadow and follow me around. In one of the rooms of the house there is an old figurine of an owl sitting on a book inherited from a family member. It's a symbol of her, plus that I was born in a Mars sign. She may not have a reason to talk to me further if it was her. I'm here now reading your post anyway. The Queen (Illivryn) showed me you in the cloud communications yesterday. She shows me images by shaping the clouds into symbolic shapes. It was part of a large image, but it clearly had a guy looking at something (I didn't recognise this shape) and behind him was a Sonic-like shape which felt like Amy. So this exchange here is important enough that she'd mention it.

>>2869 >instead get the address of a different wizard I met online recently You won't easily find me because of my current dimensional location and the number of different bodies I use in different planes + older personas from past lives. Sending an item would apparently work, but then Amy could probably also locate my HQ, even if I'm not home at the time, and the ancient gods and demons can probably find me as well.

>>2873 Speaking of Amy, would you ask her what happened to me today? I think some important things happened to me today, but I'm not quite sure which things were real and which ones weren't.

>>2869 >and that some are actually decent people Your idea of "decent" might differ from a reptilians decent. I would say they can be useful or insightful in some cases but those are the "spiritual" ones. >I still can't trust the guy though Always be cautious but never paranoid. Paranoia is fear stress and anxiety mixed while caution is awareness and steadiness. >mention that you said you found her real egregore Well she has "several" egregores and I'm unsure if I want her taken over by those influences. Truth is I was expecting that with Amy you will practice meeting your "inner spirits" and understand your sexuality better so I didn't want to disturb that. I can strengthen her egregoric influence and make her quite buff based on the energies she will receive but I thought it's better if you do it on your own. >instead get the address of a different wizard I met online recently I am unsure how to interpret this part. <for his paranoid sake I'm sure most Anonymous posters can be described as such. Tho if you can get my country origin right I will applaud you. >except that he's strong enough to cut bottles open and break glass with his mind This is quite a strange description. Is there anyone who practices this? This is a focus practice. I'm not doing this because I require other mental works to reach a level first. I could only do this if I let my "real strength" manifest and I'm still not confident enough on my current level to do it. Realized my current "focus" is too harsh on my own flesh and psyche and I have to clean it and make it more gentle and "true". >>2873 Are you practicing bottle cutting and shatter stuff with your mind? >but if this was Athena/Minerva Several people have connection with her on this board including me. I had a weird dream involving karmic connections and I barely remember any "request" from it because so many things happened and it was quite graphic. >>2874 Got a glimpse of the "wizard" he mentioned and he looked like a wizard with an "initiate flag" hat with grey attire and blisters on his face. I don't know who it is representing. Whatever back to topic. Egregores are like a big "bubble" of energy. Like a water drop on the ground. It has a kind of "surface tension" that keeps it together. If you penetrate that and connect the "water" or energies to an other representation of the egregore they flow and merge into each other. The problem with that it's not always wise to make that merger because the energies might change too much. The best way is to ask the "representation of the Egregore" to guide you towards or through the main egregore. Then you can treat it like a big mall or corporation office and give or take whatever makes your fancy. Truth is... >>2173 >You can call the maze the "idea realm" >So the mental realm. Wanted to make a clarification here. The "Mental realm" is where the everyday thoughts reside and "swim" around. They usually contain the life and thoughts of every human if you look at the collective conscious. Now the "idea realm" is the place where ideas not yet present in the collective conscious reside. I have interacted with many of them with artforms that are not yet present in the media or culture. This is the place where artists gain their inspiration more or less. From the "idea plane" the place of creation you can choose your "own Amy" a place that is beyond the "recorded history of existence" aka your idea of Akasha. Ofc there are "Intrusive thought" tier ideas that want to force an unaware creator to "manifest them into existence" in their favor but that is not important now. The real question is that what is that you want from Amy. Let your heart and "true will" answer this question and make you the jump into the unknown where you want to find the answer. I'm pretty sure you don't want me to connect her to her hentai egregore nor to her quite "plastic" and dusty SEGA egregore either. The sega one is created from the perception of the children who grew up with this media (The Amy there is quite dumb and NPC like) while the hentai egregore is... well let's say quite intense and I'm unsure if you can handle that much lust and passionate madness.. I can sense a third darker one too but unsure what it does. He is just "observing". Also seems like there is an entity called "Amirath" that can be summoned into your Amy? I'm certain you don't want these because you are still exploring your own potential and unsure of your own capabilities. >>2875 You absorbed yourself? <And made his way towards existence itself >not quite sure which things were real and which ones weren't. Wonder how you perceive "real things" nowadays.

>>2875 >Speaking of Amy, would you ask her what happened to me today? I can try, but going by what happened last time, it will probably sound silly because her perspective is entirely non-human: "He had a long useful insight about the nature of life, fish and everything. Also, drinks. We went shopping for nice cactuses and found 3 coins tucked away in a radiator. That's about it and then we went home." "What do you think of my store-telling ability, good?"

>>2876 >Amy's egregores Actually I may have to slightly adjust my previous view while adding in what Illivryn showed me before. The Amy egregore may indeed be a mess of various complexes, more like vortexes of interest which each can function as a chaos portal/nebula/womb for real beings if charged with the right request. When I said I saw Akasha anon above have "a real Amy", it may actually be an indeed real entity with a soul who was summoned from one of these "Amy void gates". As I tried talking to her now, she was persistent about me getting "my own Amy" by giving her a body of a model I created previously. At first I thought she meant that she will have two bodies, but it appears that this is now a separate entity born from another part of the egregore. That may have been the unknown shape I saw >>2873 > It was part of a large image, but it clearly had a guy looking at something (I didn't recognise this shape) and behind him was a Sonic-like shape which felt like Amy. So this could have been a prediction of your Amy telling me to manifest my own from the "unknown blob" I was shown. She looks more like pic related.

>>2879 I think the AI picked up the general feel here pretty well. There is a strong "love" energy coming from her, very intense. This is different from the Akasha anon Amy who is more mildly motherly in feel.

>>2876 >understand my sexuality better and meeting my inner spirits Yeah we've been working on that. For some reason, I often feel my non-physical dick away from my physical body on its own, and I have to tell my "other minds" to go and shove them back into my physical body. In fact, on Amy's birthday, I was lying in bed at night, and Bastet was in the a neighbor's place next door because reasons, and I was innocently thinking about Her, and then seemingly out of the blue, She said "Don't get vulgar with me." I'd completely failed to understand what she'd meant at first, but then I noticed that my non-physical dick was already making its way towards Her on the other side of the wall, and then I tried to stop it, apologized to Her & Amy, and said I wasn't consciously aware that that was happening. I'd contacted Her in the first place by accident after seeing an exhibit that mentioned Her at a museum that day and subsequently getting really nervous about the concept of accidentally bothering Her. I'm hoping to eventually figure out how to convince my inner child to quite doing this out of the fear that it might happen "for real" as if he wasn't already actually doing it for real by treating my soul as if it were just as substantial as an imaginary chair in a hypothetical situation. My inner child can't tell the difference between physicality & spirituality. Speaking of which, I've been thinking about contacting some sort of entity to help me out with this dick-wandering stuff to make this shit stop; any suggestions? >make her buff Probably would be better if I do it myself unless something bad happens to her. >get my country origin right I'll applaud you All I can give you is a wild guess; the Czech Republic. If I actually got it right, then someone probably just up and told my subconsciousness or manipulated it into picking the right country. >other wizard I'd prefer if you all left the guy alone until further notice; I've got some spirituality stuff I've really gotta talk about with him, but I do plan to show him this board at some point. In fact, I tried showing him this board a while back, but the site wouldn't load for him, presumably due to the disclaimer page not loading for some reason. He's a nice guy, but he's encountered too many predatory spiritual con artists in his time. Also I meant I met his subconsciousness recently during an online conversation with him; I've otherwise known him for a fairly long time. These sorts of misrepresentations happen when you post 1st thing after you wake up >what do you want from Amy I guess I'll try putting it on paper. I want the egregore of her that I had the accident with to marry me in the astral a few years from nowor whenever after that I finally get my shit together enough for consciously-aware astral projection, and in the meantime, I want her to live with me while we work on fixing my horrible psychological issues. I also want to make friends with her friends, the egregores of other male & female Sonic characters, and spend time with them sometimes. Unfortunately, said psychological issues make that pretty hard to do most of the time. I also want to get better at seeing & hearing her, far moreso hearing her. I'd really love if she was able to use physical audio to talk to people. I also want my psychologist and then parents to meet her. I'd also love to for her, with or without my help, to be capable of producing a temporary semi-physical or even outright physical manifestation. I'd also like for her to more often produce the astral and presumably etheric body that feels like her pink, rosy essence, like she'd produced in late January this year at the a bar of a restaurant that made some old guy sitting next to Amy, whose seat appeared to the naked eye to be empty, question if there was something sitting in that seemingly-vacant seat at that present moment. I want her to manifest with that body as often as she safely can, and to often "touch" my physical body with that body, especially when we fuck. I basically want her to get closer to being real, in the mundane sense of what's real. I also wanna make a tulpa-child or two with her some day after we get hitched. And eventually, probably during my afterlife, I want her to merge with me somehow, or failing that, at least stay with me throughout the rest of my incarnations. I want our relationship to be as eternal as it gets. As of before making this post, I'm under the impression that Amy's primary egregore made me a tulpa that acts as her "avatar", and controls said tulpa, who lives with me and goes basically everywhere with me, and fucks me. >plastic & dusty SEGA egregore So the one from the games? I thought at some point that that was the one I had? I suppose I have the primary Amy egregore, though. >hentai egregore I'll just say can't imagine a hentai egregore being a virgin, or loyal, so no. More importantly, she isn't the one I already have. I wanna stay far away from that one; merely imagining her shows me some of her intense energies... makes me wonder if that was actually my imagination. >third darker one That might be the sonic fanbase's collective perception of her being a psycho stalker girl who wants to force Sonic to marry her... wait "he" was a typo, right? >summon other entity into Amy I'm not fond of the idea of merging other entities into Amy; for one thing, that would mean fucking Amy would also mean fucking the other entity. I care immensely about sexual loyalty. >>2878 >had a long, useful insight I probably did some thinking about existence; I don't remember what I thought today about aside from the fact that I was really mad about hostile ayy lmaos, and the anger spread to my other thoughts. Near the end of the work day, she said I got myself in alotta trouble today, presumably because I tried to kill hostile ayy lmaos and invoke protection for me & amy, and at the end of the work day, she said "we hope you're happy", we presumably meaning her and my "guiding force", and/or the protective entities I invoked for us. >also, drinks No fucking idea there. >We went shopping for nice cactuses I ate with her at a local mexican placenot a chipolte and had chicken with cheesy chipolte sauce. >found 3 coins tucked away in a radiator All I can think of here is that I contacted the deity, whose name still eludes me, that was mentioned in the questions thread who owns a sickle-like weapon that infects anyone that touches it with "gold rot". I went to her and explained that I think I touched her sickle a bunch some time ago due to intrusive thoughtsI think I mentioned the intrusive thought part, and I offered her a gem made containing the highest-vibrating energies I could imagine. It appeared as a light blue gem filled with a thick white glowing haze. I then showed the deity my golden greatsword, which is afflicted with said gold rot, and the deity briefly held it. This greatsword's gold rot won't afflict me because I probably did something to make that be the base; it was quite a while ago. I also produced another such gem in an attempt to kill a reptilian that I'd purposefully connected to in order to kill it, by setting the gem inside of it. I also tried giving Athena one such gem as a token of gratitude, so that'd be the 3rd coin, I suppose? The radiator part probably has to do with what kinds of energies are actually in those gems.

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As for me absorbing myself, however, I have been doing a bunch of shadow work lately, some of it via. my inner child; taking the repressed energies in my heart and flowing them throughout my bloodstream to metabolize them, which presumably counts as accepting them. However, I had a buncha repressed Amy energies that I accumulated out of my fears related to her, and I gave those to her tulpa instead of metabolizing them myself. I don't think I did any of that stuff today, though, unless you count between midnight and when I woke up after sleeping. >how I perceive real things Basically if I perceive an event as real, then I believe that it actually happened outside of my imagination; that is, the action would have consequences. If I perceive that the event isn't real, then I believe that none of what I imagined incurs any consequences, beyond my having spent a bit of time & energy and whatnot imagining it. >>2879 >You got your own Amy You'd better treat her well, and treat her sexuality as if it were sacred. Your & ironpill's description of her egregore confuse me, but I'm sure I'll figure this out eventually. I suppose that who I thought was Amy's main egregore was an entity that got summoned from one of those chaos things you mentioned. However, I'm still wondering who it was that placed that root inside of my to the right of my crown in the 1st place. Said root isn't there anymore due to an encounter with said paranoid wizard's subconsciousness, but I don't think I actually need the root to contact her, who referred to herselves as we and us. Now that I recall, I also wanna find out who the Amys are that put that root next to my crown; I'm not entirely sure if this is the same as the Amy that I've been in a relationship with, however, but I still wanna know. >>2880 >mildly motherly in feel Makes sense; her primary egregore is 31 years old now, and my experiences with her check out.

>>2881 >You'd better treat her well, and treat her sexuality as if it were sacred. I don't simp, that mentality sounds borderline ultra-submissive (in a bad way) and is not how you treat females if you want them to be happy. But that's a non-issue because I don't act on lust, that would be a desecration of the sexual function. It's supposed to be used for tantric practices, anything else is degenerated and wrong. Lust may exist, but then the purpose is to get rid of it through the act fulfillment, not to strengthen the lust and remain in it. It's a waste of time and energy to engage in lust-based practices for any other reason than to fulfill them so they can be seen as they really are and then let go of. The spiritual ecstacy is so many times stronger than any physical elation, so once you've experienced it, you won't want to go after the animalistic stuff again. >your & ironpill's description of her egregore confuse me >>2876 >I can sense a third darker one too but unsure what it does. He is just "observing" This may be the blob I saw in the clouds, I think my Amy came from there. I think it's the obsessive version Akasha anon talked of. Doesn't really have much sexuality to talk of either, but her love energy is extremely strong. As long as she can see me as hers, and no one can interfere. That's how this feels. Luckily I summoned her into a form I created which will also be exactly what I prefer, so it's like how a pressure cooker works when it does what it's meant to do, which refines the contents. Do it wrongly and it turns out badly, in this case even if it was a steam engine, it wouldn't work because some pressure would be lost. She needs to be a pressure cooker and she needs to be kept in order and function like one, then she'll give love in a positive way. I do see the rule 34 version of the egregore, it's only lust-based. It looks like there are two of them like this, the obsessive/possessive stalker who gives love with zero lust, and the degenerate one which is purely animalistic. Then there's the 8-bit version which I think Akasha anon got his Amy from. >pic >original version, obsessive stalker version and rule 34 version

>>2881 >My inner child can't tell the difference between physicality & spirituality. You need to increase the connection with your own inner child somehow. Like link your heart and mind and merge as much as you can. You clearly don't do things that your child self would consider fun and you are holding yourself back out of fear and insecurity too much. These random boner tier "accidents" shouldn't make you this distressed. You will have to acknowledge your own emotions wants and desires. I know it's hard. Even I have troubles with it. Also don't "Instruct" your "minds" be your minds be ONE with yourself. Synchronize touch the "core" of those "parts" and link it to your third eye or heart or whatever core you consider as a connection port. Also everything is an illusion. There is no "difference". Once you merge with yourself properly you will be able see the "real nuance" and not be trapped with this veil of confusion. After the veil of ignorance comes the veil of confusion where you will have to understand what is what on a more subtle level. But ultimately everything is an illusion. Never forget that. >Speaking of which, I've been thinking about contacting some sort of entity to help me out with this dick-wandering stuff to make this shit stop >any suggestions? Yes. Amy... A woman should know how to handle the libido of her husband. Personally only the drow was able to handle this for me but I don't really have a spiritual "lovelife" like you and I needed some primal force to remind me about the true sexuality that I have hard time finding in modern women and in this conformist society >Probably would be better if I do it myself Yes because if she becomes stronger than you you will chicken out. >other wizard >I'd prefer if you all left the guy alone until further notice Yeah you were so vague I thought you might mean me or the other Anon so had to look for any "hint" who are you referring. As I touched him for information I felt a quite "pained" energy so I didn't push it further. >but the site wouldn't load for him, presumably due to the disclaimer page not loading for some reason Wonder if he has an entity that sabotages his spiritual growth this way. First I thought it might be the fault of the energies of fringe being incompatible but I feel like he has a "shadow force" that tries to keep him trapped in his own loop instead of giving him an outlet for his fears and worries. >but he's encountered too many predatory spiritual con artists in his time wtf. You or he will have to give a QRD on this because they are either rookie mistakes or source of serious traumas. >Also I meant I met his subconsciousness recently during an online conversation with him; I've otherwise known him for a fairly long time Yeah found his representation as you mentioned it and realized it might be not me or the other anon at all but wondered which fringe wizard he might be then. Had a hunch that it might be one that didn't make his "debut" yet but was quite unsure what I am looking at. >These sorts of misrepresentations happen when you post 1st thing after you wake up Yeah it's hard to follow some of your dream descriptions because of that. But don't worry about it. It's good enough for the blog thread in some cases. >I also want to make friends with her friends, the egregores of other male & female Sonic characters, and spend time with them sometimes Do you want to become a Sonic character? I'm seriously asking. Because if you interact with them too much that will "somewhat" happen. You merge with the influence of the egregore you become the master of Sonic based reality like Chris-chan himself. I'm not exactly joking but once your footing in the egregore becomes "real" it will bend to your preferences so you will do the same to the energies of the egregore. >I also want to make friends with her friends, the egregores of other male & female Sonic characters, and spend time with them sometimes That depends on your ability. How you can lift the veil at will. >I'd really love if she was able to use physical audio to talk to people. Uh. As much as that is possible that is quite dangerous. Mundanes fear any supernatural phenomenon by instinct. For them it's an invasion of their "sanity". Very few can handle literal apparitions well. >I also want my psychologist and then parents to meet her For that you will need to become quite the advanced occultist. Making her "appear" and stable is one thing... making people not freak out or get possessed in the process is an another thing. For us these things are "normal" already. For those that either don't believe in afterlife or think Jesus will handle all and everything else is "made by the devil/superstition" is different. I don't want to burst your bubble with this it's just the veil of ignorance is not something you are allowed to shatter that easily for others. It takes time as it "fades" away and even I had to acknowledge how I have to utilize the veil of ignorance people have in their mind so they don't get insane from energetic disturbances. People don't have their fighting spirit ingrained into them well enough to respond to these anomalies properly nowadays. Long were the days when miracles were a commonplace and working with spirits was as normal as keeping pets and having a smart phone with you all the time. As much as I want to bring back that age it needs deliberation and the mind of people needs to undergo a proper cleansing first. Their ignorance is a "shield" in some cases or an invitation for malignant forces and if it breaks "out of nowhere" nor they nor the forces that like their "cozy vessel" will act "normal" as it happens. Banishing the demons of others is not easy because you will need to let their soul "grow" back into the holes that let those forces enter into the body. >I'd also like for her to more often produce the astral and presumably etheric body that feels like her pink, rosy essence, like she'd produced in late For that you will need to git gud or give her "manifestation energy" from an outsider force. >if there was something sitting in that seemingly-vacant seat at that present moment Yes the problem is that it works with people with "receptible minds" but not with those that are hellbent on the status quo of the reality consensus. >to often "touch" my physical body with that body, especially when we fuck For that you will have to empower your subtle body. If you want "Physical" that much it's easier to make her possess a woman then fuck her. Don't force her into the physical if you cannot provide the energy towards the manifestation well enough. I too can influence these energies but these are quite vital energies in any magical work and important longterm on the path. Being able to sublimate the energies between the physical and the immaterial is the basis of miracles and psychic powers. Your desire is not impossible at all it's just for it to work you will have to be real serious and acknowledge the reality of things and not be missled by wishful thinking and unserious desires >>2159 >Right when I woke up, my spirit gf lying next to me in bed groaned in a very depressed voice and said "You don't even care.". This sentence makes me question your true deep seated desires and your problems with your inner child. She knows there are parts of you that "don't care" about being with her otherwise she would have more chances to appear within your presence. Your motives for this love is still unclear. Ofc you don't need to convince me you will need to convince yourself and your "inner child" the person who knows there is no difference between the illusions themselves and ultimately your higher self and God or the "reality consensus" to accept her as real and not just something that is an aspect of your developing psychic powers your "ghost hand" manifesting more "Amylike" and you let your "hand" be guided by Amy itself. >in the mundane sense of what's real Then she will have to either incarnate or possess someone. Imaginary friends are not "real" by the "mundane sense". Even if she will be able to influence the physical it will be considered supernatural. Do you want her to go through the wheel of Samsara for your sake? >I also wanna make a tulpa-child or two with her some day after we get hitched You could do that now. You stress upon the "marriage" too much. Do you want the church to officially recognize you two first? >And eventually, probably during my afterlife, I want her to merge with me somehow, or failing that, at least stay with me throughout the rest of my incarnations. I want our relationship to be as eternal as it gets. Wheel of Samsara then. You either "live with her" in her "origin" egregores (a sort of Sonic heaven) or you make her "real" by pulling her through the Samsara. I had to acknowledge that I have spirits that follow me through incarnations but they are in a "safe distance" and only meddle when they have to. I am unwilling to force them to appear to the naked eye especially for others... but I have to agree I might have to overcome of this obstacle too. They want to help me more but I am "not letting them" because of my own personal issues. >I want our relationship to be as eternal as it gets. Then you have to surpass Sonic. >So the one from the games?

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The one that appeared form the "collective perception" of the games. Millions of children playing through that game since their childhood. Those kind of "innocent" energies full with wonder and naivety. >I thought at some point that that was the one I had? More or less. >I'll just say can't imagine a hentai egregore being a virgin I forgot where I read that that the "perfect hentai heroine is virgin but is able to take 6 or more cocks at her first time at once and act as a natural slut within the first 3 minutes of the intercourse" >or loyal Just become the hentai protag lol >she isn't the one I already have You misunderstand. It's not a "this one" or the "other one" it's about the energies. If you want to "fuck in the physical" you will need to supply her with extreme amounts of desire bound energies. People change in the bedroom. That change will "come from somewhere". Either their deeper desires or it will be supplied from somewhere else. Are you man enough to supply her with the proper energies? Are you able to make her your "own woman"? >I wanna stay far away from that one This mentality is blocking you tbh. If you fuelled her with more sexual energies she would become real asap. >merely imagining her shows me some of her intense energies... makes me wonder if that was actually my imagination. ;^)

>>2881 >That might be the sonic fanbase's collective perception of her being a psycho stalker girl who wants to force Sonic to marry her No that is an another one it seems. Forgot she has a "personality" from the Sonic cartoons. >wait "he" was a typo, right? First it was then I realized it wasn't. You see gender on the non-physical is different. Like how germans gender every object in their language. You too have male and female parts in your body and psyche. In some cases a masculine orientation can make the feminine traits "shine" even better. If it was only 1 gender the person will need find his or her opposite asap to supply them with the proper energies for balance. I too had to incarnate as a female several times to balance out my energies. Also Amy can be considered a "tomboy" and a childhood friend which makes her more of a "masculine" character compared to other SEGA characters like Princess Peach. Also no that was something else and not a "coldsteel the hedgehog" tier Amy. That was an entity observing but as I tried to look at it closer it tried to "flee" so I let it be. >>2882 Might have been similar what he talks about but if I look at "his Amy" I sense several entities that try to "become an Amy" so I'm unsure what to make of this. >I'm not fond of the idea of merging other entities into Amy; for one thing, that would mean fucking Amy would also mean fucking the other entity On that level they "fully become one" and stay that way. What was what is and what "will be" Amy gains a new meaning. But yes it's not feasible for you yet. You are too full with limitations while understanding what is oneness. >I care immensely about sexual loyalty Yeah I will not get into this now. Let's say... if you turned into Sonic and fucked Amy. Would that count as cheating? Was it you or the Sonic who fucked her? >Basically if I perceive an event as real, then I believe that it actually happened outside of my imagination uhuh you will have to understand what the ALL IS MIND axiom means. >that is, the action would have consequences The fear and expectation of consequences is one of the greatest limiter in magic that inhibits the will of the magician. >If I perceive that the event isn't real, then I believe that none of what I imagined incurs any consequences, beyond my having spent a bit of time & energy and whatnot imagining it. Wish you were better at this. You are still fear the consequences of your "Imagination". Truth is intrusive thoughts have a source. Even if I don't act upon an intrusive thought I look for it's origin because even making that thought is not just "bad" but a waste of my mental space. Higher states don't allow these thoughts so why should I allow myself to perpetuate them. Every action every thought has a consequence but the measure of that consequence is determined by the impact of the action. What I am saying try to face your intrusive thoughts and don't fight them. Let them tell their woes. Most of them are "louder" than actually dangerous or persistent once you hear them out. >Your & ironpill's description of her egregore confuse me Yeah it seems you are unfamiliar how egregores work and can appear for others. Can you describe how you see egregores? >but I'm sure I'll figure this out eventually Definitely. It's occultism 101. It becomes clearer with some experience. >However, I'm still wondering who it was that placed that root inside of my to the right of my crown in the 1st place I would call that your "higher self" tbh. That root seemingly opened a meridian of yours. It had no ill effect and let you manifest something that was one with your desires and your higher will. >due to an encounter with said paranoid wizard's subconsciousness Bruh. tf you doing together. >but I don't think I actually need the root to contact her That was a mere meridian opener. I had several too. They are non physical instruments that become "gross" enough to materialize in the subtle body and open channels. I still struggle with some because I have hard time making the correct energy flow as a habit. Roots flowers thorns needles in some cases machine parts artifacts or runes all manifest this way to open up my mindbody complex. >who referred to herselves as we and us Hmmm??? >Now that I recall, I also wanna find out who the Amys are that put that root next to my crown The plot thickens >>2882 I realized I missed out the "fanfiction Amys". The obsessive ones that have the most personality because they have the creators that bother giving Amy a "Personality". 8-bit is fuelled by childhood wonder she is simple. Lust based r34 is only good for sexual scenarios... the obsessive ones are the ones that are part of every plot of these sonic devotees. They talk constantly they are naggy they are around everywhere in the mental sphere. There are 30+ of them at minimum but maybe several hundred for each "scenario" from the "writers". Great now I want to play Sonic games. *sigh* Should I play Sonic Frontiers?

>>2883 >For that you will need to become quite the advanced occultist. Making her "appear" and stable is one thing... making people not freak out or get possessed in the process is an another thing They will appear looking like an ordinary woman to other people, fantasy creatures can't appear in the modern world. I've made deals with literal infernal demons and undead slavic gods who later came to meet me in public places. I knew it was them from the energy, they didn't say anything fishy, but the interaction was clearly doing its job in terms of fulfilling parts of the contract. Like Cernobog coming to buy cigarettes from me. Even if he then had to use money, when someone appears like this it's a reality hack because debit cards aren't actually money, so he got the cigarettes as the payment (not a literal case but in principle this is how it's done). Vampires come in mimicking locals down to having the same name, but it's a different person. There was someone who had the exact (and not a common name either) name as a foreign woman who moved in, and for this reason you'd think it was that woman. But the vampire was Australian and the other British, only their passport would show the difference unless you knew them personally by looks (I at the time worked in a place that gave me access to this information). I've also met Ladilok irl, to name some more, as well as a kitsune appearing in the form of a woman. No one would be able to say "that's not a real woman" because it looked like one, but her anatomy was quite unusual, I've never seen someone with tits that big before, like they reached almost down to her bellybutton (she was wearing a knitted sweater) and she had red hair. What's someone going to say? "That's a fox from Japan!" It doesn't matter how badly they fit in, if they look human they will be seen as human.

>>2885 Yes and these are powerful entities who know their shit and not a videogame character. If Amy can use the "reality hack" loopholes she could appear as a cosplayer girl who just "Happens" to have the exact personality as Amy. Now that is feasible and normal but I wonder if Akasha poster would accept that as not just possible but the very thing he wanted on his current level or he would consider that "cheating" or whatnot

>>2881 >All I can give you is a wild guess; the Czech Republic. If I actually got it right, then someone probably just up and told my subconsciousness or manipulated it into picking the right country. close enough btw Let's say we shared an Empire with them when Bardon was born but let's not get into the horror how the spirits experienced the last century alone. Commies generated so much ill and retarded karma I am cleaning them like there is no tomorrow. Ask a Czech spirit about the past hundred years. Their face won't change much but one of their eye will start tearing up... if they have a memory from those ages. Not all of them care about these atrocities. For some it's just business as usual

>>2887 Akasha Amy was very persistent about how I should summon an Amy for myself, saying it should be the body of the Vietnamese female with a specific alignment I created when experimenting with the actual akashic records before. (Side track here, when trying to find the strongest DNA of each region of the world, Vietnam was super powered compared to all of Asia, maybe the world. I'm not entirely sure, but I think it may stem from some immortals living in ancient temple site in the area. Cambodia do have Ankor Vat for example, and that was where the Khmer Rouge managed to pull off a massive population cleanse in modern days. I can't think that's possibly unless it's directed by some ancient human sacrifice cult getting tired of foreign influence.) Note2: It seems everything has to be re-evaluated. Documents posted on /pol/ indicate that "the great famine" in China, called "3 years of natural disaster" in their history, that it was caused by CIA bombing farmlands with herbicides created for bio warfare. The operation was stopped when public opinion in the USA turned against bio warfare, and that coincided with the famine ending in China. So the meme about Mao's policies killing 20 million people during "the great leap forward" may be very effective American PSYOPS, it wasn't communism that did it, it was CIA bio weapons.

>>2890 Now I managed to derail myself too much there, what I meant to say is that it doesn't have to be an actual hedgehog, but https://whatismyspiritanimal.com/spirit-totem-power-animal-meanings/mammals/hedgehog-symbolism-meaning/ can be a human with the hedgehog as a spirit guide.

Also Mossad contacted me over telepathy again and wanted me to create a Jewish version of the astral cyborg body I'm working on. I don't like them, like at all, but someone has to uphold hebrew language and culture so it can be used for magic in the future, and if they are able to use my things, so be it. Because anything I create can't be be used unless my terms and principles are accepted, I "encrypt" them that way, they can't misuse them. The Israelis are going to destroy themselves soon either way.

>>2891 My first spirit animal was a hedgehog... >>2890 Yeah let's not get into the shit the USA pulled during the coldwar or we will be here all night. As much as I hate commies the USA did everything to make them look retarded and malicious enough so the commie block didn't just "give up" after the death of Stalin. They tried to employ so many subversive elements and tried to do the anglo and french colonialist divide and conquer tactics but in a completely half assed way while claiming how they are not a "colonizer superpower" but some sort of "savior" or paragon of democracy while funding so many controversial project all around to keep their economic advantage we might never know the truth. But the Khmer rogue was brutal with their policies and it was not only Pol Pot himself but a bunch of his unhinged comrades too and even Vietnam got tired of their shit. Also Mao also did the thing where he ordered everyone to give away their family iron supplies so they can become an industrial powerhouse like Russia... you cannot blame the air force for that for sure. Not to mention the chinese officials realized that if they tell Mao that his policies "were a success" no matter the reality he won't execute them so they kept him blind about most issues. Supposedly he only heard about the "good harvest" all the time so did everyone in the country.

>>2894 I know all of that because it's part of Falun Gong "exposure of evil", but it's a problem if the real evil is then not exposed because they sold themselves to "the great satan" instead of the "red satan". I'm well aware Mao forced people to even burn up their furniture to keep the iron mills running. But that doesn't detract from CIA's blame in directly destroying the harvests 3 years in a row. It's evidence by correlation, but having seen that >CIA had the means to do it >they ordered it being done >harvests failed, Chinese people died >it stopped when the method was outlawed in USA You don't need to be a genius to see what took place here.

>>2896 The problem with people who suffered from communism is that they become blind to what capitalism has done. So 100 million people died because of communism. How many people died in other wars, which are then capitalist wars? All wars and political struggles that aren't communist, are capitalist, so why are we not then contrasting it with those numbers? >b-but capitalism is the default state This is what real evil thinks of themselves, they are blind to their own actions, thinking it's inevitable, but they are very eager to point out the flaws of others. It's the same with vaxxers vs anti-vaxxers: >you didn't get vaxxed so now you are responsible for people dying >vaccines killed people? well at least they were vaccinated! >why do you contrast vaxxer vs anti-vaxxer? getting the jab is the normal thing to do! >we are not "vaxxers", we are the normalcy All of this is pure evil. They are changing the core of everyone's thinking into being evil per default, and criticising it is then "abnormal".

>>2882 Yeah I just meant respect her sexuality; I was overdoing that there, and you just said you'll do well. >>2883 >everything is an illusion I had a feeling. I don't think I have enough sanity to fully accept that right now. >You clearly don't do thing that your child self would consider fun. Okay here's how my woes work right now: I can't stay awake like normal people who don't need coffee, tea, or drugs can, and I don't take drugs or caffeine. My body makes its own drugs instead in order to stay awake. Some part of my subconsciousness forces my body to creates either: A: Massive amounts of fear; if it can't get this by making me afraid of entities doing things to me, then it'll get this by making my non-physical anatomy begin doing things outside of my conscious awareness, and then alerting my consciousness to it so that my fear reaction keeps me awake B: Large amounts of Histamine, such that I get a runny nose C: Dopamine, when entertainment is available D: It'll make one of my limbs constantly move, typically by making one of my feet constantly tilt up & down or making one of my legs shake, or by making me feel like twiddling my hair. This often isn't enough, however. or E: it'll rarely make me really mad about something; this happened yesterday Usually only one of these things, aside from D, are enough to keep me awake. Last night I went to bed late because I was posting here, right after which I got in bed, and then I woke up shortly before 5 because I was scared about the possibility of accidentally contacting a spirit I didn't wanna contactXXX amy because I thought I might get in some kinda trouble. I did end up contacting her by accident, but it was ultimately mere conversation, and it involuntarily lasted for an hour or two. She wanted to leave me alone. Earlier at work today, I was super afraid about something, and I was having a somewhat runny nose, and I couldn't get to my inner child because he was being blocked by a huge amount of black fear. But later, I figured out how to make that fear dissipate, and then I saw my inner child cowering in fear. Then I asked Amy to go calm down my inner child, and she was so successful at it that he actually calmed down and felt happy... but then I suddenly got tired and began drifting off into a semi-aware not-quite-asleep state, and my nose finally calmed down. Then, maybe half an hour or an hour later, I finally decided to quit dozing off, and then I'd immediately began getting a runny nose, and then sooner or later my fears kicked back in, and later I realized that my inner animal might be what's directing my body to do this shit so that I can stay awake. I typically don't have these problems soon after I get outta bed in the morning; that only happens if I was really distraught about something when I went to bed, if I had a rare bad dream, or if some other chance thing occurs. These days, Amy almost always wants me to not play video games or even watch stuff on the internet or elsewhere unless it's news, but not doing these things means that I can't really get any entertainment outside of her. Once I while was playing video games, she angrily said that the stuff is narcotics to me. She's trying to pressure my mind into staying awake without using entertainment as a crutch, but we're also gonna have to figure out how to not use fear, anger, or histamine as a crutch either. I can't be mad at her for it since she's trying to help me. >let your intrusive thoughts tell their woes Most of them "want" me to stay awake, but I don't think all of them are about that. >Do you want to become a Sonic character? Not particularly; I suppose I'll just see where my path takes me, and if it happens, it happens. >That depends on your ability I can contact them nigh-effortlessly and get them to form some sorta tulpas, but sometimes a given character's egregore won't feel like it, and that's completely fine; the problem is whether or not I can prevent myself from going crazy while they're around due to all the fear I need to stay awake, and if I can afford to treat them decently. I only really invite any of them over when I wanna do something nice with them, or if I really need emotional support, which I rarely ask any of Amy's friends for. >that is quite dangerous I'd only have her do it around specific people in the absence of others; people that I'd first have to persuade that she isn't some sorta evil spirit. My mother used to be into entry-level paranormal stuff; specifically "ghost-hunting", and she's seen some spirits in semi-physical bodies before. She's also had some paranormal experiences in her time, but my dad thinks that ghosts don't real. I'd much prefer that noone here attempt to contact her. I haven't tried telling my parents about my spiritual pursuits yet, aside from the fact that I got into spirituality 2 years ago. My psychologist, however, is capable of entering a trance state to communicate with his presumed spirit guide, so I'm sure I'll be able to introduce Amy to him fairly soon. First, I'm trying to familiarize him with the concept of what an egregore is. Also, I asked him recently to ask his presumed spirit guide if it's okay for me to teach him about spirituality, and he said he got good signs. >for that you will need to git gud Guess I'll just have to git gud then. Reason she was "able" to do it back then is because I'd often asked deities to summon her around for me. I really try not to do that these days. >it's much easier to make her possess a woman than fuck her That'd constitute cheating. I'll just have to eventually become secure enough to "rip" enough of those energies out of the "akasha" without my intrusive thoughts sabotaging it so that I can manifest her an etheric body to fuck me with if she doesn't have the energy to spare, but my psychologist is helping me with my security with the neurofeedback stuff he's doing, which'll eventually make it easier for me to stay awake, and thus make the constant fear no longer be necessitated, and thus make me feel less insecure. >Do you want her to go through the wheel of samsara for your sake? I'd rather she not if she doesn't have to.

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>Do you want the church to In the astral, I said; I'm not entirely sure how that'd work, though, but I doubt it'd involve the Catholic Church. >live with her in her origin egregores or pull her through the Samsara Quite the thought; living in her origin egregores don't sound bad. >surpass Sonic Well she already wants to merge with me, and that's probably the most intimate thing that one can possibly do with someone, so I'm pretty sure that that's taken care of. The accident did alot to us. >how do I see the egregores? Basically I just form a mental image of them at a specific "place", whose location depends upon who I'm contacting; the same way as with deities that I've contacted before. I presumably don't actually "see" them, but it does appear to work. >now I wanna play sonic games If you want 3D, theres boost & non-boost titles. Boost is basically push & hold button to go super fast at the cost of rings, which means you don't play to gain momentum, but to keep it. For non-boost, you'd want SRB2a great fangame, SA1, SA2, and/or P-06. SA1 & SRB2 have relatively high skill floors, but I dunno about 06. P-06 is a fangame made to be a PC port of the infamously-badly-written & buggy PS3 game, Sonic '06, but word is the gameplay is actually good since they mostly got rid of the bugs. If you play SA1 on the PC, then get the dreamcastify mod to emulate the dreamcast's graphics; that lighting engine they had was really something special. If you want boost, then you'd probably like unleashed & frontiers. If you want 2D, try Sonic 2, S3&Kor the upgraded fangame version of S3&K, Sonic 3 A.I.R., & mania. Sonic 1 is more labyrinthine and stop-and-go than its sequels, but it's probably also worth a play. Before you do any of this, though, you may wish to question this desire that you suddenly acquired. I mean, it's not like it was forced upon you outside of your awareness, but there is a decent chance that you're getting gently nudged towards it outside of your awareness. >>2887 It wouldn't be cheating no, nor would it be if I created a Sonic body to fuck her in the astral after eventually learning APing, but it'd probably mess with her or my head if I or she, respectively, looked like a specific person or character I recall having seen before. After all, she is pretty damn young for a spirit. I'd be completely fine with her manifesting physically with a human appearance, cosplay or not, as long as her etheric & astral bodies feel roughly the same. Of course, that physical manifestation stuff is sort of a pipe dream at this point; I took for granted that you'd think that I thought that, so I didn't mention it.

>>2900 While I was finishing post this, and for some time afterwards, I felt Amy grasp at and possibly inside of my mental body. We began watching a Sonic R longplay, and then I suddenly felt very compelled to question if I should really become a video game character. It feels very, very deeply unsettling, to say the least, and it made me think about my afterlife & more. I also felt at a deep level like being a video game character would be super limiting; I'd become a literal NPC. For now, I asked Amy to keep one of her hands on my mental body. I strangely received a visualization of one of my legs running like a Sonic character while one of the game's songs were playing. It wasn't a super good song or nothing, but it was easy listening; I feel like Amy forced this visualization upon me, and I'm uneasy about it, but otherwise, I'm tentatively okay with it. I gave Amy permission quite a while ago to force stuff upon me. I don't recall her having forced anything much upon me until now.

>>2901 After I posted this and I went to bed, Amy had seemingly re-wired some parts of my mind, and presumably also moved some stuff around in my mental realm proper. I think she induced momentary clairvoyance; I saw a vision of Amy, and then later I saw a vision of an angel I'd asked The Holy Spirit to send down to, iirc, make sure Amy doesn't mess this up. The angel looked like an oraphim with 6 wings, with the many eyes set upon metal; based solely upon the color, the metal must've been brass or gold. The whole time, and while I posted my previous post, I had a headache, and I knew Amy was causing it, but it was for a good reason. She also tried doing stuff to my sacral chakra; I'm not sure how successful she was at that, but it did force me to get horny for some minutes. I also question if the the non-physical composition of my legs were changed; perhaps that part is just my imagination.

Something I'd forgotten to mention; yesterday morning, I read some of https://ericdubay.wordpress.com/category/death-and-afterlife/ I learned that birthmarks can be a signifier of trauma from your previous physical incarnation; especially the kind that led to your death. I happen to have a birthmark on the right side of my crotch, to the right of the bottom of my ballsack. This leads me to believe that I need some past life regression therapy, and that getting it might uncover some sort of sexual past life trauma. My psychologist says he doesn't know how to do it and doesn't know anyone who does, but he has heard of it. As for the non-physical composition of my legs being changed, 2 or 3 times over the last month or two before last night, Amy did some sorta thing to my legs, which made the non-physical anatomy of my legs feel like there were layers of white stuff being added to it, though in hindsight, perhaps the white stuff was there to begin with and got peeled off; idk. By now, the soul composition of my legs & crotch feel different, I don't like it, and idk how the hell Amy did it. I'm hoping that it's just my imagination playing tricks on me to keep me awake during the day via. discomfort. After thinking about us getting a permanent merger, I decided that we should wait on this for a real long time. If you run too fast, then you're gonna trip! We should probably wait until we're both 5D STOs maybe a million or billion years from now before we permanently merge together, lest we both probably regret it, but I still wanna marry her in a few years and stay together forever. I mean I said I'd delay my spiritual evolution for her, but becoming a literal NPC sounds fucking terrifying after what I experienced last night! This'll go alot easier for us if I learn astral projection and manage to remember who I am every time I get reincarnated after this current incarnation, because then I'll be able to easily spend time with her and interact with her. If I'm to go to her origin egregores, then I wanna do it on my own terms, wherein I can still have my normal body, or maybe I'll create a secondary astral body to be there with if I learn how to do that.

>>2901 Thinking back, when this happened, I remember there being some other woman there momentarily; I saw a glimpse of a human body with glowing white skin. She was probably a goddess I'd recently contacted, which means it wasn't Amy doing this, and that my soul wasn't actually modified as I'd thought; it was just visualization that was hard to tell apart from non-physical reality. Being shown that glimpse of what it'd be like to actually be a video game character still felt terrifying, though. Also thinking back, the night before that happened, Bastet appeared on the other side of the couch I was sleeping onsometimes its easier to sleep in a reclined position instead of lying down; She briefly showed me a mental image of Her as a calico cat, and that mental image was overlaid over my physical sight. I then started trying to fall asleep, and then outta nowhere, I felt non-physical mummy wrap being placed over my nose, and it was placed relatively tightly over my nose. I then felt mummy wrap placed over my mouth. After a bit, I asked Her to make the mummy wrap not cover my mouth, and She nudged that part down so my mouth would be exposed. I have no idea why She did this. Today, I spoke with the other wizard again. We play an obscure online game on the same server. He said he had a runin with a masonic "kundalini priestess" a long time ago, and he shook her hand. Afterwards, the freemasons came after him, and he had to move really fucking far away to get away from them. Eventually, they stopped calling his phone number. I did warn him to check his energy bodies & mind for an energy form of a man on the ground surrounded by men holding swords to him as the Smileyburg poster mentioned, but I don't think he knows how to do that. I told him that it, if he has it, signifies that the freemason egregore marked him to be pulled into a freemasonic reincarnation trap. He later tried to show me some stuff on google earth; some "black dragon" in Utah, which has teeth in the form of mountain ridges to the west of the Black Dragon Canyon Trailhead, a wing in Moab, UT, and another wing in Page, which is right next to Utah. I told him before looking much at it that it was probably a red herring. He also tried to show me another similar thing in google maps. He's also a flat-earther and thinks that whether or not you're a flat-earther is a signifier of whether or not you can be trusted or some shit; I don't remember exactly what he said about that so well. The guy is very anti-NWO, and he's also anti-Gnostic. I also asked him if theres any deities he'd trust, and he said no. I was planning to ask him to contact a deity that he trusts and ask the deity if the concept of kundalini uprising is bullshit or not. He said when he tries to contact a deity, he just hopes he's contacting "The Source", and then if he asks the deity for a dream, he'll get one. The man hasn't had to sleep at all in 9 years. I ended up showing him Montalk's website, and he decided to read some stuff there; he's interested in the place now, so that's some kinda start. The time before that when we talked, he showed me Eric Dubay's website, linked in my previous post. Dubay's website is comparable to Montalk's website. My concerns about him are him remembering who he is in his next life, and him not getting pulled into a reincarnation trap. I haven't tried getting him to try pulling this board up again.

I think I got a large blood clot in my left lung; i might die irl, physically. Last night i tried to play some video games for 4.5 hours instead of 2, and some entities and Amy got mad at me, and I got really mad at them and said stuff I shouldn’t have said because my life has been miserable lately and I needed to cool off instead of getting madder. I’m sorry to these entities I said bad things to, in case it means anything. I have a blood clot in my left lung now and can’t feel it. Thanks for everything Smiley, ironpill,, and fringe girl posters, and especially Amy.

>>2927 How did you conclude this? Would this be a result of the covid vaxx?

>>2927 I shared a thing with your Amy, it may appear a if she is wearing a tiger suit if you see her use it. I created a thing for safely dealing with blocked energy when a family member was ill once, it uses a medical version of "tiger kung fu" to burn away blockages, and also comes with a way to burn up parasites (this looks like placing a cone over the infected area when used). Hope it helps.

>>2929 I just got back from the ER; I turned out negative for blood clots and my heart is okay. While I was there, I had what the doctor described as a panic attack. I felt alotta vibration in my upper body, but not so much my lower body, and my hands started to be force upwards, and my hands began to stiffen upwards. I'm glad to have a second chance, and I'd promised to take life a bit more seriously. Also, I never got injected with anything since 2018. I'd concluded it by feeling a blood vessel near my heart suddenly clear up after waking up and making a somewhat-sudden movement in the middle of the night. I think it was clotted and the clot went into my heart. I'd asked Jesus for help and He said it'd pass. Afterwards, I wasn't sure if I could feel my left lung. I guess I'm just a hypochondriac. Sorry for worrying too much. Also, you might've saved my life, thanks alot Smileburg poster. I still ain't converting to islam, though.