>>1934664
>Being obligated to deal with women makes you by default infinitely worse off than other anons.
As much as some people joke about it, I don't think most anons are gay. But part of my problem is that I do have empathy, so sometimes people tell me that others have it worse than me, but when it is true, that doesn't make me feel better, it makes me feel worse, because I then just feel bad for those people as well. That said, when people outside this site say it, they're usually wrong, or they have to use cliches like "starving children" or whatever. (Which is true, but again, doesn't make me feel better.) But when people here say it... man, I feel bad for the average anon. Because say what you will about how stupid this is, but I do think most of you are good guys. People think that being anonymous means we don't know each other, but that isn't true. It means we know each other better than anybody. We're our true selves, and we have understandings that are hard to achieve in real life.
>>1934824
>that said get over yourself.
I try. My problem is that I can't help but see and have to interact with people who have it way better than me and take it for granted, so it makes me envious, and that makes me depressed. And I spent decades escaping into fantasy so that I wouldn't run into those people, but new fantasy has all been taken over by the worst types of those "people," who make it their mission to kill all our escapism and shove their faces into all of it so we can never get away from it. So I indulge in retro stuff instead. But eventually I start running out of retro stuff I love. I can only relive my childhood so much. Eventually instincts start kicking in and tell me to start living, so I try, and I fail to live. In the morning, I get up, and I try to feel alive, but I can't.
>You'll die alone regardless accept it.
No. If I were to actually manage to have a family, I'm confident I'd die before them, so I wouldn't be alone.
Your advice is still reasonable. But where else would I spend my time? Playing vidya? I do an awful lot of that anyway. We've had threads here about listing games we've actually beaten, and when I post my list, people are baffled at how much longer it is than everyone else's. And vidya isn't even my primary hobby these days. So many movies and tv shows and books. And I don't even think of them as wastes of time, because frankly they're what I did when I couldn't do anything else anyway, and I couldn't do anything else because nobody wanted to do anything else with me. And then I got old enough to have to work, and I do. And I guess the other thing people say to do is exercise, so I spend hours every day doing that now, and I still have enough time left to play so much vidya that I get bored of it.
But despite having all this time, I still feel the time ticking and running out, because I know I'm wasting it, but not by choice. It's not the vidya's fault I'm wasting it, it's not that I'm addicted, it's that I have nothing else to do. It's already being wasted, so I might as well play vidya.
>>1935045
>Just because you've gotten older doesn't mean you've done what you needed to
You got that right. That's the problem. I feel that too acutely. I'm not where I should be, and time is running out to get anywhere, and then all my work will have been for naught. It feels like running a marathon, only there's a time limit, and I can see that the time limit is going to run out right when the finish line is within reach, and I'll have trained and run all this way for nothing.
>and you still clearly care too much about what the wrong people think about you.
Really the issue is that I just want a single one that thinks of me positively. I could ignore everyone else if I just had someone to talk to. And anons are the closest I have, and you've gotten me through decades of dark times, but ultimately, for all the beauty of these relationships, they're not the same as one in real life. But those real life relationships elude me. According to everyone I've ever met, I'm not good enough for them.
>church, library, gym
Tried them all. You aren't allowed to talk to women at these places. Even just showing up as a single male, you're automatically looked at like a weirdo. And yeah, admittedly, when it comes to church, I would be going purely for the women. And you'll say that's terrible, and maybe you're right, but I'm just not convinced by the magical stuff, so that doesn't attract me. I also feel it is bad to go when I'm not an actual adherent, especially when my real reason is to pick up chicks.
>friends
My friends have all grown up and gotten married, and I've actually have asked them for connections. No luck. If anything they're all more autistic than me. Don't know how they did it. Well, they have more money than me. Maybe that helped. Plus it's not like I have many friends in the first place, and now they're all grown up and busy.
>work on yourself
Exactly. So I got a good job, a good income, a comfortable place to live, and I'm having success with getting a bit healthier. And it's all been useless. What's the point of having a job? To get money. First you get the money, then you get the power, then you get the women. Well steps two and three have eluded me so far. I'd rather live under a bridge than work just so I can afford a comfortable place to live alone. I don't need that much physical comfort. I can be physically comfortable pretty easily. It doesn't cost as much money as I make, so why am I working to make it? Because I'm tired of being unwanted, and no woman is going to live under the bridge with me. And does that mean that any woman I get is a gold digger? Yes. They're all gold diggers. But I don't have enough gold, at least not to make up for my physical shortcomings. If I did, then at least I could try to convince myself it isn't about that.
>resentful of family
Yeah. They were trying to be nice yesterday, but I have too many fights with them, about other things. I don't really resent them much for being a bad influence on my diet though. That's not a big deal. It's all the other things that I guess this post is too long to get into.
>wallowing in loneliness and pain
You got that right.
>Don't put all your value in life into romance.
As you alluded to, it isn't just about romance. It's about family. It's about legacy. And it's about having at least one person who gives a shit. And no, my parents telling me "let's get a pizza" then leaving to do their own thing might show an ounce of care, but you know that your parents not literally wanting you dead isn't the same as having something resembling romance. Ideally, we are supposed to outlive our parents and have someone else to make a new family with. Your anecdote of someone not getting married until about 40 and still having kids gives me some hope, but that age is coming up real quick, so I'm still running out of time.
>Figure out what's been hurting your life and try to heal it.
Well I told myself it was money, but now I have enough to be comfortable. I have enough control over my material conditions that I'm not concerned about that anymore. So now what's left is loneliness. That and the envy of those that take me, and their lack of loneliness, for granted. And that leads to resentment. And people say that emotions like that only hurt ourselves, as if I don't know that. But we don't choose our emotions. If we did, we'd all be happy all the time. And frankly, I think my emotions have perfectly reasonable and logical causes. I can explain them well. Doesn't do me any good, though.
>talk with someone you can trust, fags here don't count.
Like you said, I can say things here I can't IRL. But you know what else? People here listen. Nobody IRL does. My family is the closest I have, and they don't listen. They get mad. If I admit to this girl that the way she treats me bothers me, she pulls away. I know because I've tried. And I've had that experience with every other girl I've ever even gotten to speak with me in the first place. They're all like this, and this current one is the one that comes closest to giving a shit, because she at least hasn't pulled away entirely yet.
>professional help
Tried it. Just made me more suicidal than ever. Turning to someone who has to get paid to pretend to be your friend is depressing enough on its own. But they're also all feminist bitches that think I'm privileged for being male, even though actually they're so privileged for being female that they cannot comprehend the things I'm talking about. Women can't comprehend what loneliness is, because any time a woman is alone, it's by choice. And they project that onto me, and tell me that I'm just not trying enough, meanwhile they're all mean, stupid landwhales that still think they're too good for most guys, including me. But they're trying harder than me, apparently. Just look at results! They must be trying harder since they have better results. Meanwhile they're all commies who say that in every other area of life, effort doesn't equal results, so we must steal from the successful. I've had multiple "professionals" tell me to my face that I'm lying and that the things that bother me don't actually happen. They're the worst people of all.
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>enjoying your creature comforts isn't helping, not sustainable
Exactly. I'm aware. But I take any opportunities I can find to actually better my situation. But most of those attempts fail, and I'm left with time, just looking for the next opportunity.
Thanks for your actual thought out post, Anon. Even though I don't agree with all the points, you've shown more care than anyone else, including everyone I know in real life.