>>29362
If you do have depression, that certainly could be a major contributing factor behind your feelings. But at the same time, there are many, many other adults out there that feel similarly about video games who don't have depression. So depression may be something that adds fuel to the fire, so to speak, not necesarily the thing that sparks it.
>Videogames don't feel fun anymore. Even the old ones I loved as a kid.
>It all feels formulaic, metered, just enough to drag me in
When you were a kid, all these video game tropes were new and fresh, simply because you just hadn't played a lot of them yet. Sure, video games have always innovated, such as adding some extra thought to the writing to make a really in-depth plot, or throwing in a neat gameplay mechanic. But over time, it is inevitable that you as the player start to notice repeating story elements, character tropes, etc. You begin to know exactly where the story is going before any hints tease you or events happen. With books, at least you can find enjoyment in developing the scene in your mind, since there are little to no pictures. With movies, tropes may be dull, but at least you are only spending 2 or so hours of your life in your seat at the theater. With games, it may take anywhere between 20 to 100 hours to get yourself to the end, only to be met with a variation of the same conclusion you've seen 10 times before. With vidya, ignorance, and learning from the game as it teaches you, is a major element of your enjoyment. Which may be why games don't seem nearly as fun to you anymore as an adult.
>I think it's because I want it to mean something.
This is probably a very common sentiment from long-time video game players.
I can personally relate to this very much, too. If you don't get the same rush from simply exploring a game anymore, and you aren't surprised or awed by the plots presented to you, then you try to find a way to make the time you spent on the game seem more meaningful. Video games are a serious time investment with little tangible proof of your efforts. This is much easier to justify when you are a kid, when you are supposed to relax and play and enjoy your free time before taking on adult responsibilities. But when you are older and realize how valuable time can be, you look for ways to make such an investment reasonable. This is also why achievements have become so popular.
>but then my brain starts screaming for it to stop, to go outside and breathe in the air, or write something, or draw something, or try to live in some other way.
Which is likely why you keep experiencing this ^
>I'd like to make a game and try to make it special, or unique.
A handful of people desire to take this path, because it is something that can make money, create tangible experience with coding, writing, art, etc. while also connecting with a hobby you've loved since childhood. You can help bring some of that happiness and wonder to today's kids. Though of course, making a game takes a lot of work, and like you said, time. But it can be done.
Overall, this is why many people are selective with the games they play once they reach adulthood. They don't buy every game they see, purchase something on a whim, or try and join in on the latest trend. They look into the game to see if there is something special about it, whether it is gameplay, story, graphics, etc. that makes the time investment worth it. That why, they not only feel like their time is better spent, they also have more time to do other things, develop other skills, have other hobbies. It also saves lots of money. After much thought, it seems like balance is the key, as cliché as that might sound. Video games can be a fun activity, but doing other non-vidya activities is essential. If you are bored, looking for something different, something exciting, picking up the controller might not be the best choice anymore. A book, a walk, socializing might be better choices. I know that listening to your brain might not always be the best idea for someone with depression, but if your mind is screaming for you to go outside, write, draw, etc. instead of playing a game, it is pushing these feelings for a reason.