>>14785 You have to realize here that my mindset has never been normal, and when I grew up it was even less connected to what we see as physical reality despite what greys and others have told me, that I become more ethereal with time, contrary to other people who naturally become more desirebound. But this tendency has made me detach from the infernal perceptions I used to have as a kid and into my teens at least. I would lay awake at night with that feeling of ethereal presence of the skies and space above, but at the same time staring at the glimpse outside my half open door. There was an open starcase there, a dark part of the house in the middle, with a turning staircase leading down to a hallway which was also dark in the middle. I felt as if anything evil could come from there, and it really made me paralyzed with fear, while I was just lying in bed trying to sleep. Going up to visit the bathroom in the middle of the night was pure horror, as I had to pass by that pitch black darkness of the staircase. It didn't help that I started getting intrusive thoughts about stabbing people with knives, until I was afraid to pick up knives near other people. This had its own reason in past lives, where it would appear as a reflex in hostile environments, and it just did what it should do, the problem being that in the modern world everyone is a hostile person because they are possessed by evil egregores and incarnated souls that should normally never have made it in, so my self defense reflex which from the 1700- 1800 meant to simply kill the attacker, would be constantly active, as there was no reason why people should activate that in a normal world, as in the past centuries. But that's how it was, and I had to learn to place these reflexes in the right place so they didn't activate when the hostility was non-direct. That's another difference from the past: being passive-aggressive or argumentative meant that you were prepared to kill the other person, otherwise you wouldn't lose your temper in the first place. Today it's normal to yell at each other and not kill them, but this was never the case in the past. Someone rude enough to raise their voice would be killed, so people learned to control themselves, or they would be facing constant duels to the death, followed by trying to escape the gallows for having dueled in the first place.

>>14787 Now that I'm so much less connected to the physical, this problem is gone. I can solve them by ethereal methods, as anything is spiritual, so they never manifest once dealt with.

>>14779 I missed the point of what I was going to say, because another point showed itself: that I experienced that fully scribbled paper with the Resident Evil Jill route being used to describe my actual physical timeline from yesterday on. That the logic of karma is 100% clear and scripted with no possibility of changing route even as much as going to a different room, because there is no reason to.

>Baba Yaga >the hag <but is there any reason she'd want to instead manifest as a loli for procreative sex in any position? Not much of a hag tbh, see that's the thing, once you learn to see through the surface of anyone, you will often find a loli at the core, which they didn't want you to see for some reason, which often is a matter of self image, such as >I want to be respected as a witch so I need to be fearsome and ugly old hag but personality-wise, they may still be a loli, and offer a good enough reason, they will bring out that loli. Just saying. That's the awekendid for today, so far.

I will be out of commission for a while. These Kama realms teach me more than I can blab about. Unsure when I will feel the need to post again. Not to mention I can sense others have their current moving for them already on it's own. I think I can lessen my involvement with this board for a while. >>14817 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fSVFZGj0k_M it looks like I cannot say much to you until the timelines stabilize. Talking about karma especially about "your karma" is a violation for some reason. But I am the least worried about you and I am unsure if you would take my words seriously anyway. Let's see where this leads. I am rethinking my whole approach to magic once again. My understanding of "reality" became almost completely obsolete once again

>>14819 I'm just trying to drag you in, wasn't sure if you were still out there in "fast time" with the greys or something, would make things fragmented. Now that we're synced pls carry on.

>>14821 I am at too many idiotic places at once. Wanted to rant about the greys during the day to you, but realized it's "not important". Now that I have seen your posts I understand why I wanted to talk about that topic. >pls carry on. sure

>>14821 I never understand how you perceive this "sync" but it seems I have to boot up some shit on my side too. Staying in low energy mode to fully immerse myself in these intoxicating Kama realms to fully unlock their mysteries is not optimal it seems

>>14828 Sync just means in this case that our timelines move at the same pace. Even if intermittently, it means one day is one day for both of us, and we can post here at least once a day to exchange messages, even if time moves at different pace for the rest of the day. That's a basic sync.

>>14852 >That's a basic sync. Yeah... I was overthinking it. Unsure where to even start explaining why I was overthinking it. Timelines have "lanes" or... maybe calling it "possibilities" is better for simplicity now. Those possibilities have "conditions" that the "master" of the timeline will have to meet to open it up. Maybe "master" is the wrong word, but calling it "owner" sounds even more wrong. No one truly "owns" his own timeline. It is all in "Fate's hands" in the end. But mastering it is a choice and a possibility. To acknowledge that you live on a timeline opens up the choice to master it a way. I know that you are not unfamiliar with this concept because you too try to help people to "gain agency" over their own life so they don't need to be slaves to evil spirits or the NWO... even tho your haters might say it otherwise. So this concept is not exactly alien to you either. You also mentioned the "opening of new railway connections" which definitely refers to the "possibilities" in your case. And this is where all things get "weird". Running and merging parallel timelines together allows you the "choice" of learning several methods and integrating several types of knowledge/skills/abilities into your mind/body/soul. This is something I am sure you are also aware of. Mostly because you detailed it doing so several times already. like learning to trance drum on new earth The problems that I am trying to understand makes me quite "unsure" of what I am doing currently. I had the misconception that most "Intellectuals" have. That the "brain" is the seat of consciousness. First I had to accept that my energy field/aura can also think and serve as my "expression" or "processor" too. Usually psychic and "Intuitive" abilities are dependent on it's development. Then ofc the other "hard part" was accepting that my "Heart" also "thinks or feels" or at least serves a far more crucial part that a mere "blood pump". The soul and many other stuff is supposedly located around the heart in many religions for a reason. What problem I am "tackling" currently is something you somewhat tried to explain how you must make your nerves "teleport" or something. In the past I worked with my body in a way that I moved my awareness to the organ or the limb I tried to use to it's "fullest". Back then my awareness was just a mere focal point or "camera view" for my physical and mind's eye. Had to accept in the past years that "focusing" on things and "maintaining awareness" is a completely different thing. How to be aware without focusing on things How focusing is possible without "tensing" the mind or the body. How to be aware of every energy and movement of my toes without thinking of my toes at all and such. While this sounds as a mere "mental exercise"... in actuality... with this understanding you can arrange internal and external dimensions effortlessly if you do it right. The way energy, materia and "knowledge" can travel through them changes completely. How the mind and the soul inhabits the body and "reality" itself. This is important for parallel timeline "usage" because if you learn something in a parallel timeline you still need to internalize it in the other timeline "somehow". And that "somehow" is something that I am experimenting with. >>14821 >you were still out there in "fast time" with the greys Wanted to explain how the grey vacated my territory long ago because the "magic" I use is not something their "parameters" like to "bother with". Turns out they are "inhabiting" some timeline or "pocket timeline" (yes I just learned about the term pocket timelines form the greys. They are semi-artificial timelines)... *sigh* When I started to write my post I didn't know about this. Whatever I will ignore how greys operate on these timelines for now So to back to topic. My main goal is to harmonize these types of knowledge and energy exchanges between the planes to aid my own development currently. That is why I have a harder time to word things because... well... current language is build around commerce. It is made so we can communicate well enough to trade information and goods. It is not "built" for sharing spiritual knowledge. It can do that but it is not "built" for that. Had to witness the ancient languages that I "have" built within my genetics and how "Obvious" they are once you hear it. "Grammar" was "Invented" after "modernity demanded it". Before that people "Knew" how to talk without grammar. Literacy and other stuff existed ofc, but it wasn't widespread. When oral knowledge was dominant the writing, magic and their sigils were far more intuitive because you knew what it did before you HAD to read an explanation about it from a book or from someone who learned it from a book. But more on this later. So what I am trying to say here... When did knowledge and memory start to differentiate between "hands-on experience" "academic understanding" and "intuitive insights". This is important because different types of experience is "stored" at different parts of the body/mind/soul complex and if one of the department is "underdeveloped" then you must start remaking an another "department" within you or in others to kickstart an another part of their body. So if someone is academic oriented then you have to help them with academic examples then "explain" like a book would explain in theory and with logic how intuition works and find the "Intuitive glimpses" in their thinking. This is good with "office/computer job" type people. But it's extremely bad for people with learning disabilities. They fall asleep if they have to read more than 3 sentences. For them the hands-on approach is the right one... EXCEPT if they have an extremely well developed intuitive ability that they do not know how to use! Then you have to target that! But if you do that then you have to teach them how to ground that information into their "corporeal vessel" because they will forget what their intuition told them all the time! For these people Journaling is paramount and you have to hammer it into their mind to not forget to write things down and reread them when they are lost. And ofc there are other problems depending on the person's ability how to process information... Mental blocks and intuitive leaps can change the mental landscape too much for every person. Why did I explain this so far when I was talking about timelines so far? Because POSSIBILITIES. New types of knowledge generates new type of possibilities. New type of possibilities generate new type of karma creation or removal. OR DO THEY?

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Most things "even out" there are checks and balances everywhere. Sometimes you have to completely "detach" from your timeline because your timeline DOES NOT ALLOW that realization yet. The possibilities are just not there. You leave the place and once the knowledge is internalized within you completely then you can return and "realign" your timeline. That way a "scripted event" can be "Inserted". The problem with these scripted events that they are "scripted" and contained. Which means no outsider interference is not just "not allowed" but "impossible" because the event happens in the "eye of the storm". But once the scripted event is over and the "realization is at place" then the choice will manifest. What to do with it. The possibilities are open, but... and this is an important but... you still have to "honor" the original flow of the timeline. Even as an "awakened individual" you have to play out several roles and events without disturbing the flow. Make amends, play your part etc. Because some events are crucial later on and they shouldn't be disturbed... but in other cases most events are unnecessary and not just "skippable" but completely removable and the possibility to "remodel it" can appear. And it can improve the timeline tenfold if you do it right. These are the "mini-golden ages" that are "prophesied" to appear in the Kali Yuga Tho I am starting to hate the term Kali Yuga nowadays. There are too many misunderstandings attributed to it The reason why I am exploring this because I learned that I was supposed to awaken in my 50s. At the age of 56 to be precise. But for this to happen I should have completely unaware of magic/psychic phenomena and the supernatural. It was weird you know. When I learned and confirmed that I have psychic powers more than 2 decades ago... I always forgot about it. I had to put conscious effort to remind myself that I HAVE PSYCHIC POWERS. I had multiple answers why it happened. I blamed it on school or on my mundane parents and friends aka the collective conscious I was part of... but wasn't really sure. Why did these things always manage to avoid me? It turns out my timeline wasn't "supposed" to align me with my psychic nature "this early". It was some weeks ago. I felt that this is the year of 2026 and 2027 in some cases. Was wondering why because my "memory" and my "internal calendar" knew what year it is because my workflow deals with these dates and deadlines too much. I forget how old I am in some cases but I always know what year and month it is. Time not being "stable" is one thing. What is weirder it seems that I am not operating on the principles of "time" for a long while. It was weird. My foresight changed. I was unable to "see the future" but I still had "access" to the future. I realized I can make any future I want into a "reality" but I cannot "see it". Why? Because my mortal mind is still stuck in the present. If I want a future I will have to "walk" into it. And by that I mean I will have to walk into a new possibility which is supposed to be "unlikely". I didn't talk about this because this becomes quite "obvious" for anyone who is on the path for a prolonged time. What was not obvious to me how "Helping" others to reach their "awakening point" and the necessary conditions can be... I want to say "sped up" but this is something you cannot speed up. Because then it evens out and keeps some people as a retarded schizo for decades, to not ruin their "Pace" too much if done in the wrong way... The better word would be. How to make the conditions more "accessible" for awakening. And this is where I am lost, because I somewhat "underestimated" the available tools that you can use to awaken yourself or the others... and how everyone is different. Not just with their traumas and personality. But with their gifts and with their timeline too. Oh and the current "language barrier" that is on fringe currently where people are stuck at a specific sentence (grammar error) or concept and cannot get past it. These "misunderstandings" can signal specific problems with the "timeline harmonization" process. They are sorta "hiccups". The problem is that I don't know if I should be patient and see what it is about or I should figure it out. It is really like hiccups. It either goes away on it's own. Or you need to scare or slap the hiccuping person so he snaps out of it. Unsure if these annoying misunderstandings and hair splitting mentalities are a symptom of faulty timeline syncs or the cause of faulty timeline syncs. For good timeline syncs good mental emotional and spiritual syncs are also necessary. But in some cases having an "arms length" distance between the minds of people can open up new possibilities. Sometimes seeing where things lead is better than trying to wrench it into a fixed direction. Sometimes little nudges are enough to keep things flowing. But those nudges need to be surgical and well timed. Sometimes they fall into place and in other cases you have to put them into place.

>>14874 Cont. To give an example. >>14811 >I'm assuming the magic is done the same way: pretending really hard. This post pissed me off. He has the initiate flag on, thus he said nothing wrong as an initiate of fringe. On his level this type of thinking is "normal" and expected. BUT! Magic is not about "pretending" magic is about doing. This "you have to pretend" to make magic happen came from the atheist historians idea that all priests and magicians were larping and such to fool others and whatnot. You remove all pretense and do what is NECESSARY for magic. Once you only do what is necessary then you will see what "magic is about". and not as a mere "pretending so hard it becomes real". It becomes far more effortless if done properly and it is nothing akin to "pretending hard". But you know. I was talking about "making things appear out of thin air" type of magic and as someone who is capable of doing something like that maybe I should grant him the "choice" to realize it on his own instead of me posting an annoyed reply to him. That dude is smart and dumb at the same time and it bothers me when I talk to him. He gets stuck at the wrong parts of my posts all the time So I send him the "idea" that I wanted to portray because it is far less effort than making a post. And lo and behold this post >>14815 materializes after the idea is sent. And now what happened? >>14850 Banana poster is annoying him the same way as he annoyed me! And there are several silly anomalies like this playing out whenever I want to introduce concepts to this board and I am still practicing my clear sight to see the "possibilities" arising from them. 1 day before Banana poster appeared, I got a notice in my meditation where some entities said they are "Pleased" the way I do my things and they wish to "support me" or "join/invite me" or I forgot how they said it. Banana poster was one of "their" member. They were overseeing him and a Thelemist I think. Didn't make much of it because I had many of these messages back then Banana poster has some innate magic that he confuses with his extremely atheistic worldview. In normal cases I would have destroyed his worldview already, but his worldview keeps him sane! This way entities cannot possess him because they have hard time "Latching" onto his psyche. He has many spirits ogling him for the choice to be his "first encounter". I am unsure how to deal with these dynamics. But we have enough board activity anyway. I will let things play out for a while. Micromanaging posters and their mind is quite bothersome. I try to avoid it as much as possible. But in some cases I see the chain of idiotic replies and misunderstandings that will appear if I keep writing my posts this way. Those are the times when I switch my approaches. Especially because people are not stupid! They are just "stuck" at a specific mental issue and unable to facilitate their own growth on their own. I am unsure if it is the fault of the education system or something else... still looking into it tbh. Trying to see where this timeline restructuring might lead and such. As I develop my abilities the image becomes far clearer.

>>14874 >even tho your haters might say it otherwise They are the NWO, either directly employed as agents full willingly, or they sympathize with them, or they are useful idiots for them because they agree with the general idea of the NWO, which is racist, elitist, and DUMB. They all also have in common that they hate Jews, reptilians, greys and other "full-brains", and this hate locks them in the slave-system forever. The more they hate their masters, the more they solidify their slavedom. Few people can make it out of there, so I help those. Because anyone who can gain agency for themselves, will not support this "NWO" which is itself created by greys and others as a control measure. It's a fake pyramid, a literal pyramid scheme with a huge back door built in, where they can always be attacked from. But they will always deny this fact, because it's a weakness, and they hate that they are weak. It's a game where they all deny what they are, and strengthen constantly the attachment to their inferiority by being controlled by it. If they gain physical power from the system, they can even manage to fool themselves that their weakness doesn't exist. But the moment they see me offer actual agency and freedom through esoteric practices, this hits like a dagger in their weakest spot, which is that they are reliant on a system they didn't build, doesn't control, and which is working actively against themselves. Their response is not to just admit that they are weak, and work to become strong, but to attack the person offering them real power. Because if someone can do that, and someone else gains real power, then it exposes their weakness. This makes them increasingly rabid the more things are explained to them. It's the exact set up I mentioned up there in the other thread, but in that case it's an attachment among people who should know better. The greys told me during a channelling session, when I said >but eventually, when people in my country get to see what their society results in, surely they will wake up? right? to this, the greys replied with a long silence, then a silent >.... I don't think they will >maybe 30 of them can wake up nation wide >the rest are too lost

>>14874 >the current "language barrier" that is on fringe currently where people are stuck at a specific sentence (grammar error) or concept and cannot get past it To me it looked like trolling specifically tailored to you, at first I didn't get why someone would reply to it even, but then we are at different mind planes in different fields. There are many things I just ignore because I've seen this stuff before and it follows the exact same pattern, which is meant to drag me down into their strawman worldview. Idk why anyone replies to nonsense like that. There is also a tendency to, based on their own perception of morals, through out accusations like >you do this and it's true and something good. But they think it's bad. I have no reason to then start "justifying" it based on their backwards "morals". It's another mind-trap which just serves to pull someone into their own worldview where ordinary things have shame and guilt attached to it. When I don't feel that, because it isn't there, they get offended, and will repeat the "accusation" over and over like pouring more water on the duck when it didn't stick the firs 3 times, and it's as if they just can't grasp why nothing happens, and they turn again more and more rabid and insane. Now I got back to this topic again, but I rarely see "people" anymore, I see patterns which are played out by some kind of humanoid bots. If someone's behaviour is completely predictable, are they then humans at all? Can they be awakened, do they have a soul? I will then try to provoke them in various ways to see if they can actually step outside of that logic and become aware, but it's like the greys said, they can't.

Does banana poster realize he just reposted the loli thread edit of the meme? I don't think he did. Funny detail.

>>14878 Let me sprinkle some other altmemes.

>>14875 I have lost any interest in spirituality. I feel overcome with immense anger and hatred for all life in the universe, including myself. I want to sell my soul to the dark elves in their quest of hatred in return for being their demonic, infernal champion of bitterness. I hate humanity so much for what they have done to me spiritually. https://inv.nadeko.net/watch?v=Dh4SMEdUknU

>>14890 You coomed to a shooter... then you wanted to make a tulpa of her. To create a tulpa (from an actual person) you have to sync to her mindstate. Ofc you lost all hope for spirituality. Wanted to tell you that you should say Kali chants if you want to improve and not fall for r9k memes. This is what happens when you desire toxic women. Some people need to get married to realize this. You did it with a coom and idolization. Say some Kali chants and try to imagine her as a tulpa. She might visit you and help you get over this. >I hate humanity so much for what they have done to me spiritually. I tried to help you spiritually several times. Do you hate me for that too? I too am part of Humanity. If you give up this easily then you must say goodbye to spirituality and wizardhood. Get your shit together or you won't last long. There will be harsher truths and deeper despairs you have to witness before reaching anything worthwhile. Heroes are not forged with soft pillows. Learn to overcome hardships already. >I want to sell my soul to the dark elves in their quest of hatred in return for being their demonic, infernal champion of bitterness Stop thinking like a retarded Martian ffs.

I wrote a long reply to the other posts. But it seems a large amount of hostile energy got stirred up and acts on it's own externally. I will wait until it calms down. Seems like it makes neophytes want to kill themselves. >tell Gondola to make a negative energy thread so he can talk about his workings >other Anon makes a Baneful magic thread instead >now serves as a cauldron for negative energies what a big surprise This is why it's so hard to interact with this board in some cases. Wanted to explain gondola in the arena thread about the "stepping on each other's toes" thing. We are all amateur dancers here. That is why people do it without meaning to do it most of the time. And once it appears deliberate for some people then it initiates a bitch fight because people cannot handle past grievances. I should go back explaining basics because I cannot expect everyone to be able to know how to dance ballet from the get go. At least this made me aware that I have to rethink how I handle these situations again.

>>14890 It can be arranged, you know. With the drow. I'm pretty sure this woman you posted about (not sure who she was) probably has a soul who could be picked out from hell and also reborn as drow, possibly.

>>14893 explain that in the tulpa thread please

>>14892 Well I found the reason for stalker anon's behaviour. They finally had no one in front of them to use up and a "person" from the astral with a white body covered in black sigils tried possessing me. I used the sphere method and trapped the entire group, then sent the new robot in there to clean up. What I found was a group of 4 kings with those egregore-position crowns, and a queen. They had a group of very strong followers around them, and the personalities of the individual kings had also reflected in the agents of evil who's attacked me in the past year. They've directly copied the mind of one of the kings, and acted as them. I don't know from which period they were, but they had the same kind of fully black energy filled bodies on the astral. Their power level could be measured in some way by the fact that the new Corin Wickes robot had to use the chainsaw for like 10 - 20 seconds directly on their throat to kill them, which is abnormally resistant, anyone else from the NWO groups I sent her to remove died instantly.

>>14894 No need, I hinted this at my drow and they went to look. There were two souls available of her. If anon wants he can be reborn by her, would be even better? Drow are astral though so the incarnation will remain as your astral shadow plane body until you actually leave the physical unless there's a direct removal from here. Both cases possible, but not sure which would be used.

>>14899 At least Anon learns to watch out what he wishes for this way. He either learns to overcome his negativity or sees where this negativity leads him. Srsly. That martian mentality of his will resurface all the time. If he wants to take this route then I won't stop him. Maybe he learns some real lessons for once. I posted my take already. Unsure if he has the willingness to take the route I offered. This is what I meant by possibilities. Some people cannot take it even if it's front of them.

>>14901 There is literally nothing wrong with being drow.

I feel like Arthas from Warcraft. I feel like I am literally being mind controlled. Fringe girl anon you are one of the few people who I don’t hate. I feel undecided if I should take your advice deep down I know I should but on the surface I have extreme rage from being forcibly medicated all my life and having my foreskin chopped off and having my Hindu yogi breath stolen from me and having Monsanto poison all my food and having sugar in all my food and fluoride in the water and being forced to attend indoctrination school like all children and so many other issues. What’s even the point of living if I’m forced to be in hell? This plane is completely evil and unspiritual. And I’m forced to exist here and take lobotomy pills and eat garbage (even apples have pesticides etc.). There’s no escape. You say I will be saved if I merely chant kali chants? Care to elaborate? Makes little sense to me. No disrespect.

I now feel physically sick and disconnected from God. I have a sinking pit in my stomach.

Fine. I’ll do the freaking kali chants. I just want the pain and suffering to end. Which kali chants should I do? Will kali be good at freeing myself of my hatred and anger? All I have to do is the chants right? Hopefully I won’t change my mind once I wake up tomorrow. Let me look up some kali chants.

I just chanted Om Krim Kalikaye Namah 108 times. Did it work?

>>14918 >>14919 I prefer <Om Shreem Hreem Kalikayai Namah which adds a grounding "shri" before the rising. Each word refer to a hindu god, you may wanna look up the meaning.

<today's awekendid Explanation: The ego-driven person has such a small awareness, that he sees only his ego. Because of this, he believs his ego to be "the world". An attack against his ego, is an attack against the world. He will not speak about "himself" or "my own", he will speak about "defending the world". Anything threatening his ego is to him "threatening the world order". He will not take criticism against himself as valid, he will believe it's an attack against "the world" from "evil forces", "revolutionaries", "extremists" and so on. He does not believe he has an ego. Because the ego functions like a mirror, he will seem to see the world, and have an internal conceptual understanding of the world. But it will be made up only of his nearest surroundings, with no ability of understanding things beyond the "mirror", which although it registers the general layout of the world outside, is limited in size and also distorts the images to inflate his own importance. This appears after I drew it, to be similar to Plato's cave. I believe he was talking about ego, the cave is ego. The cave illustration here makes it even clearer another aspect: the cloaked cultists showing false images, which may represent how their education system is giving children false ideas, which are then formed as their ego. This makes them listen only to certain cues, as preferred by their masters, the mirror has been distorted like a laughing mirror to make them interpret the world in a specific way.

>>14414 >People are far less stressed and angry around me as a result. Finding peace within let's you find peace without too I want to be that way some day. Even though not everyone can be saved, to at least passively comfort those in my presence who suffer in life. Love and kindness combined with complete and utter detachment are key. especially detachment from the illusion of "self" Otherwise one ends up another failed greenpill. There was a dream I had early this summer that I never posted about because I worried it would seem suspicious and get taken out of context or perhaps more realistically I wasn't as comfortable with myself as I am now, and projected that discomfort externally It was one of those abstract dreams that's composed mostly of energy and thought. Basically I posited the concept of a mass shooting and the feeling of emancipation I imagine it brings the perpetrator. Then I thought (without words) "What if it were possible to invert such a thing?" in an act of such pure benevolence and virtue which destroys the self with a bang that reverberates through the lives of others, causing profound positive change. Ever since I renounced misanthropy and hatred, strangers have been really nice to me. Kind of like nofap except it's not limited to women nor is it contingent on abstinence. Even homeless tweakers and black people are nice to me A couple times a homeless person saw me and immediately made a beeline to say a bunch of stuff at once like <God bless you. I want you to have a blessed day. Stay safe. Happy [nearest holiday], etc. I have to wonder if this is a the result of some kind of divine providence, or they see something on me with their schizo senses. In public I am usually quite reserved and stoic and probably come off as an autist so it's not like I'm exuding rizz Sometimes I wonder if I can eventually "save" my town in such a way that the individual residents would be able to find their way out of destitution (whether that means they get a job and house and become a normie, or something else it doesn't matter). The thing is, I suspect that glowies might control the egregore of the town and perpetuate its destitution for their own purposes. Can't really elaborate on it without making my location too obvious, but the reason for my suspicion would be apparent even to mundanes with basic conspiracy knowledge. That's all speculative though. I won't worry about it until I'm actually in a position to help anyone other than myself

>>14928 I have a hard time believing that when you meet me in your dreams I'm nice and kind. Is that still true or am I no mean to you in your dreams now? >Ever since I renounced misanthropy and hatred, strangers have been really nice to me. Hopefully you can succeed where I have failed. I am too consumed by anger to be saved it feels like. I hope you succeed in making your town a better place.

Had an interesting experience a week or so ago. I was dreaming, and I ran into my father in the afterlife. I think he was in his old highschool. We spoke for 10 or 20 minutes, I asked him how being dead was treating him and he said it wasn't too bad. We walked around to more areas. It seemed a bit purgatory-like, very run-down and dilapidated in places but strangely not dirty in a nasty way. Towards the end of the dream, something startled me and made me think that my dad was about to attack me. I think his face started turning demonic. So, I evoked power and became large and amorphous and enveloped/pressed down on him, after which I woke up. For the next couple days I had a small but stabbing headache. What caught my attention though was that I visited my mother and she instinctively mistook me for my father when we were talking. I've also begun to notice that I'm starting to exhibit some of his quirks. For instance, he always hated the taste of whiskey, while I didn't mind it. Now, however, whiskey tastes absolutely horrible to me, and makes me feel sick as well. I think that the scent of my body has also changed. This is attracting my notice because these exact sort of events are what convinced me that my dead grandfather somehow transferred his spirit into me as a child. Now, though, it seems as though rather than being my grandfather "reincarnated", instead I may have somehow "consumed his spirit" in the same way that I "consumed the spirit" of my father during that dream. If that's what actually happened there, I'm not entirely sure. I do know that when I try to scry to the current location of my father's spirit, I feel my awareness start to go inside myself rather than out to a different plane like what used to happen before I had that dream. This could just be confirmation bias, I'm not 100% confident in my scrying abilities. It does feel like he's been "integrated" though.

>>14928 I too did a long talk about Maitrī/mettā/benevolence with the Buddha during my meditation yesterday. Realized it has a deeper depth than I thought and how it can "emanate" through everything and everyone. Had to overcome a fear about how helping others might doom them if I do it "wrong". He explained deeper depths of that benevolence and how it cannot be "misused" >Ever since I renounced misanthropy and hatred, strangers have been really nice to me That happens. It's nice >Then I thought (without words) "What if it were possible to invert such a thing?" in an act of such pure benevolence and virtue which destroys the self with a bang that reverberates through the lives of others, causing profound positive change. Yeah... you know the gun I talked about? It has an another "mode" that makes you aimbot every evil spirit around you as a last ditch effort for survival. Requires extremely desperate energies and I didn't really make it "public". Only those can access it who are willing to put their life on their line to overcome their spiritual obstacles. Half-assed people with doubts in their head cannot do that. It is more of a "self defense" instead a shooter's lash out tho. Not a nice experience. Even tho I like arcade shooters a little too much... May have played Call of Juarez gunslinger when I made that... h-haha >Sometimes I wonder if I can eventually "save" my town in such a way that the individual residents would be able to find their way out of destitution It's possible, but it takes time. You will know when you are not just "ready", but you know that cleaning your "home" (town) is necessary for the next steps of your awakening. There is a reason why India has public meditation practitioners on streets and markets. There will be a time when you will know you cannot "contain" your spirit and your good will anymore. >>14933 >This could just be confirmation bias, I'm not 100% confident in my scrying abilities. It does feel like he's been "integrated" though. I had that too. With that I became my "own father" and gained far more control over my own actions/bloodline and childhood traumas. You can revisit your relationship with your father, gain his innate maturity that he was supposed to "pass on" too and once you learned everything that "He knew" you can let him go and pursue your own evolution further. This is why people will have to make amends with their parents or they will make their own shadow issues worse. Your parents are part of you. You cannot cut them out no matter how hard you try.

>>14914 >I feel like Arthas from Warcraft He had good moments tho. >I feel like I am literally being mind controlled Well... the board took a nosedive in energetic quality and an increase in it's potency for a day or 2. Even I was affected. >Fringe girl anon you are one of the few people who I don’t hate That's a start. You will have to realize you are not hating other people either. In reality you hate your own helplessness and how you cannot do much against it (yet). Don't worry. I felt similar helplessness too, and I am certain that other anons had this feeling of helplessness while growing up and living their live. You are not alone. >I feel undecided if I should take your advice deep down I know I should Good. Then you have a "choice" this way. You will have to learn to utilize this "deep down" a lot as you progress in spirituality. THERE IS NO OTHER WAY. I AM TELLING THIS YOU NOW. AND NEVER EVER FORGET IT. >but on the surface I have extreme rage from being forcibly medicated all my life it's not on the "surface". You have this rage within because you are unable to facilitate your growth on your own. You will have to take matters into your hands. Grind spirituality. Master your thoughts and emotions and move forward. While being medicated as a child is something you cannot do much about, but you had a choice with that psychologist who said she will help you get rid of those meds. You failed there and that is why you are in this mess. You will have to master your mental and emotional balance and defeat this demon when your life will allow it to face it once again. As much as you hate your meds... it keeps you stable. You will have to strengthen your mind, your emotions and your resolve for the day when you put down the meds for good. We watched eggAnon's journey on fringe so far. He put down the meds years ago and managed to stay stable while in the mundane. A paramount achievement. But we have seen how much he struggled with his own mind in the past years. You must see his example as a hope and a warning. YOU CANNOT HALF ASS SPIRITUALITY. You will have to march forward with a resolve greater than anything. >having my foreskin chopped off That is an USA issue that you will have to leave behind or solve. Within 2 decades you will be part of the society that can change these things. Decide if you want to help the children of the future to retain their foreskin or you are willing to leave behind your trauma with your foreskin. The jew is losing control. You will have to decide if you want to oppose them or forget them. They will be dealt with one way or the other. But in your state you cannot do much about it. You will have to grit your teeth and learn to develop yourself. Whenever you feel hatred, disappointment or depression you will have to start meditating or say chants. A pro tip. Write a chant that works the best or a command like: BE MINDFUL on your hand/palm. And whenever you feel lost in your thoughts stare at your hand/palm. This type of thought control is NECESSARY. >What’s even the point of living if I’m forced to be in hell? Oh shut up. Thousands if not millions of people from my eastern european country fled to your country in the last 2 centuries and never came back. We are all living in hell and you are not even aware of the "Hell" that exists in the other countries at all. The difference is that some of us are willing to overcome it. >This plane is completely evil and unspiritual Are my posts evil and unspiritual? Is this board is evil and unspiritual? If you see some glimmer of hope from my posts or this board then THIS PLANE IS NOT COMPLETELY EVIL AND UNSPIRITUAL. Ofc it has bad and negative places. You will have to learn to avoid,transmute and in worst cases make use of them. And you will have to work to notice hope and act when the opportunity arises. >You say I will be saved if I merely chant kali chants? It will help you attune to better frequencies. You started a negative spiral in the past days. I am sure you made this post:>>14619 >sex evil and of the demiurge >>14718 Then you coomed thus made something "evil and demiurgic" >>14826 Then you wanted a waifu who was hopeless and suicidal. Ofc you became this hopeless and suicidal as a result. If you denounce sex as evil then you cannot fall to it the next day. Then spiral into toxic females. You are not strong enough to handle these females yet. That is why you got the Kali chant as a recommendation. She can help you transmute your sexual energies into something fiery and liberating. >>14918 >Hopefully I won’t change my mind once I wake up tomorrow What a great mentality. See why are you this lost? One day sex is evil and of the demiurge and the next day you want to go to hell for a woman who killed herself because you nutted to her... >>14919 It reduced the "tension" you had within you. You will need to look into more types of chants and say them until your mind becomes calm and collected. Instead of letting your mind say your usual intrusive thoughts you will learn to say these chants whenever they appear. During meditation or before meditation. When waking up and before falling asleep. That way your mind will be far more attuned to the spiritual frequencies. Oh and your "yogic breath" wasn't "stolen" from you. There are many illiterate people in India without their "yogic breath". What WWA was talking about how it is the "natural way of breathing" and you should aim finding that... and not blame people for "stealing it". Calming down will let you breathe more calmly. Saying the Kali chants will help you attune to the way "yogis breathe". Look into the chants and say them. See what they do and which ones you need. The Gods are willing to help those that seek them out. Visualizing Kali might help too. She will have a way to become a tulpa and a guide for you that way. She is a great catalyst for awakening. Might make a chants thread sooner or later or maybe better devotee will make it before me >>14931 >I have a hard time believing that when you meet me in your dreams I'm nice and kind You are nice kid. Even nicer than eggAnon. Your problem is that you don't know how to handle your intrusive emotions and thoughts because you were never taught proper mental and emotional control and you have no pursuits in life. You cannot put your energies into a pursuit or goal thus they feed your intrusive thoughts instead. It's poor energy work in the end. That is why Kali chants and the like can be beneficial and putting your energies into spiritual pursuit is a possible way forward. Put everything into the spirituality skill tree and see how the world can change around you. >Hopefully you can succeed where I have failed You didn't even truly "try" kiddo. You merely "attempted". You didn't fail yet. Just merely stumbled.

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>I am too consumed by anger to be saved it feels like You don't know what "consumed by anger" means yet. Threatening your school and having intrusive thoughts is not true consumption. It happens when you blank out and wake up with a trail of death and destruction behind you the next day. I know how that looks like from personal experience Trust me kid. You are way too saveable in your current state. But you will have to make the necessary steps forward. Song attached coz it has the message too. Don't you dare giving up this early.