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Night of the Were-Ed Storytime 2023 Were-Ednon 10/28/2023 (Sat) 00:06:04 No. 37067
Well well well, it's been quite a year, hasn't it? The Slavs are still slaughtering each other, Burgerland is about to catch fire from another election year, and Der Judenreich is about to enact the final solution to the Musselman problem. But all that doesn't matter, because for the next five nights at Freddy's, the only thing you have to worry about is the yearly curse. A tradition upheld, a promise honored. That's right, it's once again the Night of the Were-Ed
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>>37067 Deep in the eternal summer in the municipality of Peach Creek, the three Ed boys are busying themselves with their latest scheme to acquire pocket money for mouth watering jawbreakers, the average slapstick filled setup we've come to expect... or it would be if not for the wounded hand sported by the lumpy lummox himself, Ed. A bite from some animal, leaving him wounded bodily, yes, but also with a festering curse on his spirit, a curse drawn out by the light of the moon.
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>>37068 As the moon's light calls to the beast inside of him, Ed's knowledge of B movies sends him over the edge, bringing him into his new existence as a creature of the night. Ed's loudmouthed little sister attempts her usual exercise of authority, but to no avail, beating a retreat in the face of the monster her brother has become, fleeing into the arms (literally) of the remaining Eds with the beast in hot pursuit.
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>>37069 With the beast invading their territory, the remaining Eds and Sarah beat a retreat in the face of the Ed-monster (not to be confused with the time Ed convinced himself he was a monster), running for their lives to the Robot Rebel Ranch Junkyard, being cornered by the lupine lummox, with Double D getting chomped and Eddy beaning the monster with a rusty pipe like his name was James Sunderland.
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>>37070 With the Were-Ed getting knocked the fuck out, the ruckus has raised to cul-de-sac kids, who convene a war council to decide the next course of action. Learning from the master monster hunter, the font of all paranormal wisdom... Plank, that the beast Ed has become is a werewolf, and Kevin does the Inquisition proud be automatically suggesting they purge the mutant.
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>>37071 After getting the full story of Ed's infection with the curse, the kids decide that the one way they can stop the furry nightmare is by killing the alpha yiffer werewolf, with the plan being Ed and Double D be quarantined while the kids form a war party to hunt the alpha. Sockhead and Lumpy have a homoerotic tet a tet and decide that they need to fight wolf with wolf and plan their escape.
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>>37072 While the Eds engage their furry transformation (with the unfortunate final line of "Primal urges must be met"), Ed and Edd run off to help their friends. Eddy and the kids form their hunting party, armed with only... a cake server. Proving Jimmy is always useless. Not that Rolf is any better in the face of the Worf effect, leaving the kids helpless before the Alpha, only to be saved by the intervention of the two furry ed boys.
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>>37073 The two Eds battle the alpha, their bestial nature kept in check by superior will and the shonen power of "I FIGHT FOR MY FRIENDS!!!" (as per Rolf's exposition, a near verbatim restatement of what Double D said earlier) needless to say Sockhead and Lumpy checkmate the beast long enough for Eddy to deal the finishing blow (Very important for later that Eddy kills the werewolf, remember this)
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>>37074 Eddy lands the deathblow, reducing the monster to ash and freeing his friends from their curse, with beast disintegrating into ash. Now free of his curse, Double D has a fake out death but is revealed to have survived on the very next page. Give it up for the last lines from Nazz von Bartonschmeer, much like the show she plays no role whatsoever past this point.
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With these last two panels, Double D monologues about the passing of the cursed night, and the restless feeling he gets when the moon is in view, a feeling he shares with Ed, another soul forever touched by the flesh change curse... and though our first story ends, the foreshadowing is there, with the pull of the moon leading us to Night of the Were-Ed: Solar Eclipse (Also holy shit, this comic is 15 years old, there are kids who were born and are in high school now within the time span this comic has existed... what a trip)
>>37067 TIMEWARNER HIRE THAT MA... Never mind, they don't really own Ed, Edd n' Eddy.
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>>37076 Sorry for the late start tonight, had some things to take care of. But without further adieu. Some time has passed since the first incident (a later panel states four years) and the Eds have mostly gotten back into their normal routine, only for the announcement of a perfect solar eclipse to raise the possibility of something supernatural occurring once again. Eddy also mentions that their amorous adversaries, the Kanker sisters, have not been seen in some time. Double D offers Ed a moonlight stroll (which Ed refuses because that's incredibly gay), leaving sockhead to walk by his lonesome.
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>>37096 Double D walks alone under the moon, expositing about the events of the first comic and explaining that though he has never transformed in those four years, he still feels the moon's call. Meanwhile, a mysterious figure stalks him, despising the wolf's blood in his veins.
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>>37098 The figure pounces on Sockhead, revealing herself to be none other than Marie Kanker, Edward's perennial trailer park love interest (often forced and one sided except for the Valentine's Day special) Though now it's obvious she wants to give Edd a much different kind of suck, which clues the brainy Ed boy in that something is very wrong. The Kankerpire flees at her true name being spoken aloud, but a victim is still claimed in the form of Rolf's beloved chicken.
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>>37100 The kids once again gather to discuss what supernatural force is plaguing their town, which they quickly deduce is a vampire (Thanks again, Plank. And a request to anyone who plays a game of Hunter in the future, try making your character Johnny 2x4) So while Ed and Double D volunteer to read up on Vampires (Who doesn't know how to kill a vampire, seriously?) we get a brief glimpse of the Kanker sisters, living large as the skanks brides of Dracula.
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>>37101 Sockhead and Lumpy do research on Vampires, mostly finding the obvious but also getting into the relationship between Vampires and Lycans werewolves, returning to the kids, who have no armored up in garlic (they even got one for Plank, aww)
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>>37102 Double D informs the gang that the coming solar eclipse will induce transformations in the two former werewolves, playing into the Vampire's plans and leading to a bloody confrontation between the two. Leading Sockhead to rely on Eddy and the Jr Monster Slayers as their ace in the hole. As the Cul-de-Sac crusaders continue to armor up, Double D goes to pay a booty call to a familiar bluenette.
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>>37103 Double D confronts Marie at her lair (trailer), seeing for himself the creature she has become and getting some backstory on how the Kankers came to become vampires. For his part, he informs Marie how he and Ed became werewolves (Also, "those involved were good at keeping it secret"? All the Cul-de-Sac kids saw Ed transformed and fought the Alpha wolf, they could have just threatened Jimmy and he would have told them) At the end, it looks like something is brewing between the Eddwolf and the Kankula, something... that rips off a Kate Beckinsale movie.
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>>37104 Double D (and the author) decide to rip off Underworld by having Marie bite him, thus creating a Were-Vamp hybrid in hopes of calming the wild transformation and giving Sockhead a fighting chance against Bill Nighy the head vampire. The last panel has Marie awkwardly bite Sockhead while he makes a face that looks straight out of Rebecca Sugar's secret sketchbook. But anyway, as is tradition, we will leave things here for tonight and get back tomorrow for the thrilling conclusion of Night of the Were-Ed: Solar Eclipse
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>>37105 The change overtakes Double D transforming him from a mere furry into a more awesome form; a neckbeard. Meanwhile the kids slowly carve Plank into a weapon of death, a fitting use for a monster hunting hunk of wood and Eddy looks stylish as ever in specifically his brother's coat (huh, wonder if that's foreshadowing) while Ed once again succumbs to his lupine curse.
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>>37117 Forgot a panel, and it's the important one with the Double Dracula D.
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>>37117 Jimmy has used his Behelit The eclipse has begun, and as Double Drac and Marie race to help, the Cul-de-Sac crew stride forth to do battle with the dick blood sucking menace. (Speaking of foreshadowing, look at how May is eyeing Ed's werewolf form YOU JUST KNOW.)
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>>37119 The battle commences with a very suggestive shot of Eddy's wood failing to penetrate the Vampire Lee. Ed rushes into battle as his instincts demand but is quickly bodied by the two Kankerpires. We see the head vampire and... he looks like that R63 Marceline from the Fiona and Cake episodes of Adventure Time. Some more fight panels occur showing that Nintendo-Nut discovered ANIME between the comics (seriously, some of these expressions are right out of the extra chapters of Hellsing)
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>>37120 Double D reveals the true vampire, and gives exposition about his Underworld rip off plan. The situation looks grim (maybe should have made more stakes than just Plank, then Commissar Kevin could have had the kids charge the vamp in the name of the Emprah) but luckily The Power of Love (trademark Huey Lewis) comes through to save the day as Marie switches sides.
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>>37121 Marie's turn gives Eddy the moment he needs to finish the fight, staking the hot topic shopper and returning peace to Peach Creek. The head vampire dissolves into shadow, and the Kankers are cured. But sadly the battle is not without casualties, and as we see from the somber funeral in the last panel, the fallen will be missed.
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>>37122 Ha, sike, it was another fake out death, they did a fake out death twice (it won't be the last, believe me) and it turns out the funeral is for Rolf's chicken. The Kankers are up to their usual shenanigans, but one pair is taking things more seriously than the rest. Edd and Marie, having enacted the plot of an early-2000's action-horror movie, they've made a connection (and Double D is about to make a "connection" if you catch my drift)
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>>37123 And that's it, a nerd and a trailer trash girl fucking in a junkyard, what more could you want? Anyway, two days remain until the Halloween, so what better way to end things off then with the last comic, All Hallow's Eve
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>>37124 As the time grows closer to Hallow's eve, the yearly curse winds to its inevitable conclusion. The final piece of the trilogy, named for the holiday itself. As we join our heroes, they seem to be back to business as usual watching B horror movies at Ed's place. The Ed boys exposition dumping about the history of Halloween and dropping the timeline (To clarify, the original were-ed was four years ago, solar eclipse happened three months ago.) and worrying something spooky and supernatural will happen.
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>>37135 Sockhead ruminates about the implications of the coming holiday, before quickly cutting to the boys swanky Halloween party, ruined by Edd breaking the bro code by inviting his chick's in laws to his party, then scoffing when his friend's don't immediately warm up to the trailer trash hoes that have tried to molest them on multiple occasions.
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>>37136 Kankers notwithstanding, the party continues without a hitch... or at least it does until Sarah vomits black ink and the rest of the cul-de-sac attacks as the living dead, quickly being surrounded by their former friends.
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>>37138 The gang flees from the residents of evil in their house of the dead, hoping to not be alone in the dark as they seek the silence of the hills. But as they leave they find themselves bathed in the light of a blood moon, drawing the inner furry out of Ed and the neckbeard out of Double D. All the while silently watched by the crows.
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>>37139 Following their blood moon transformations, the Were-Ed boys are cornered by a mysterious gunman, while Eddy and the Kankers continue fleeing the zombie kids, cornered before the gun man blasts Johnny's melon head right open.
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>>37140 The mysterious savior turns out to be Eddy's brother (likely contacted by his fellow monster hunter Plank before the curse overtook him) who lead the group to that house from the one episode and also the Mis-Ed Ventures game. After getting to safety, it's confirmed that at least some of the show is canon, as Double D directly mentions their last meeting at the end of Big Picture Show.
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>>37141 Eddy's brother gives some decent exposition as to how the events of the night unfurled, how the actions of the Ed boys caused the red moon, how Eddy and the Kankers remain unaffected ,and most importantly, how to deal with it. Simply speaking, kill Double D.
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>>37142 After being prevented from purging, and yelled at from both of the Double Dickriders, Eddy's bro just shrugs and says "Come up with something better and train for the worst", throwing his BB gun type "rifle" to his little bro, while the other pair roams the house. And this is where we'll call it for tonight. Sorry I wasn't very animated tonight, felt a little under the weather. I'll try picking it up for Halloween tomorrow.
Oh, no, it looks like this might get continued on Day of the Dead rather than Halloween. Thanks in advance when you return, Were-Ed story man.
>>37170 Yeah, I'll have to finish things on All Saints Day because my internet was down. Had a good Halloween though.
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>>37184 Alright, it's a little late, I know, but we're back to our scheduled comic dump, going into the infamous shipping arc, including the skeleton jester of shipping/ house's stand "Silly Love Songs"
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>>37185 Double D and Marie strengthen their bond while learning more exposition, while Eddy and Lee have their Ghost pottery wheel moment learning to shoot.
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>>37186 The shipping arc ends after Eddy's brother criticizes the love between his jewish otouto and the curly ginger gal (also, May Kanker confirmed for white woman)
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>>37187 The boys head out, after double d gives them the knowledge that burning all the zombies in a bonfire (A "burnt offering" if you will, annuda holocaust) will reset the natural order.
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>>37188 ACTION SEQUENCE! And man do the Ed boys tear through their friends, good thing they're sure "everything will revert" assuming they won't revert to a pile of limbs and bullet riddled body parts.
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>>37189 The kids send the undead freaks to hell with some pro-pain, but it turns out that for the night to be sealed, the one who caused disharmony must be sacrificed, and double d eats a fucking bullet, afterwards he is congratulated by a mysterious voice.
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>>37190 Aaaaaaand Double D is now a warrior of Odin, who looks like a big gay wolf instead of rolf but jacked. But at least he survived.
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>>37191 The night settles, relationships are further kindled, and Eddy's brother moves on to gank more monsters, and we end with a reference to the show.
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>>37192 The weather changes, autumn fades to winter, and the boys embark on their new journey as wolves of Odin, the curse is over, but it never truly dies. Thank you once again, I'm sorry I'm late and was a little listless, but it truly was an honor being with you for another year. Here's to many more.
Always a pleasure to read each year.
What a weird story. The author was obviously a fan of the source material, but many of the character design choices separate it from the show. The four year time skip between the first and second stories is interesting, but I think the mythological elements of the third story bring down the experience overall, regardless of whether they were alluded to by Eddy's brother's outfit in the second story. I didn't enjoy the sudden shipping either. Overall, it was a good read.


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