>be me, early 50s
>married to a woman who loves me but isn't actually IN love with me, anymore
>sexless marriage, and don't even get hugs more than once a month
>my two grown kids love me, but routinely disrespect me, the boy because he's dying to move out and hates being stuck here and the girl because girls are fucking monsters to the ones they love for kicks
>boomer parents love me, but if I disappoint them in any way, they make me feel like shit
>younger brother loves me, but doesn't really respect me much
>I live a lonely life, even though on paper it looks like I should feel loved and adored
>routinely suffer depression and hate myself
>overweight, bald (shave to make it look better), and have the autism, which wasn't diagnosed until I was 39
>I have never enjoyed life the way most normal people do, and I should probably be grateful for what I have, but I feel a hole in my life that will never be filled
>want to kill myself but fear Hell and destroying my loved ones' lives
>my 82 year old dad was recently put in a nursing home
>felt guilty as hell, but my mom is too old to care for him and I can't spend all my time as his private caregiver, so in he went
>found a really nice place and, after a month or so of him being against it, he's starting to like it there
>visit him at least once a week
>the health care aides (not nurses; I'm not sure what to call them) are really sweet and very nice, mostly Filipino as far as I can tell
>smile when I see them because I know they're being good to dad, and I always take the time to say hi
>this morning I'm feeling down, as usual
>watching some anime on Netflix Shield Hero, if you care
>wife is off at one of the things she does to occupy her time
>daughter and son are out of the house living their lives
>just me and the dogs, same old same old
>dad calls me on his cellphone
>"Hey, anon! You just got the neatest compliment!"
>wut
>"One of the [women] was in here and asked me if I had any cups, and I said no, and she said 'You should get your handsome son to bring some with him the next time he comes."
>...wut
>I say "She probably meant [younger brother]."
>"No, she definitely meant you! Wasn't that nice?"
>"It sure was, dad."
>talk for ten more minutes about insignificant things, then say goodbye
>sit there for a minute and burst into tears
I can't remember the last time I felt like someone actually saw me, and I'm absolutely wrecked. She was probably just being nice, not actually putting out feelers for romantic intent, but I've felt so prosthetic for so long, now, that I think I forgot, somewhere along the way, that I was a human being with feelings. Everyone treats me like a tool for stuff they need, and my needs are completely ignored. I've been living under the mask too long, and the devastation caused by a casual compliment has ripped open every single mental wall I've put up to keep from thinking about the hurts in my life.
I've been tearing up all day and I can't explain it to anyone here. I've been pretending it's an autumn allergy attack causing sniffles and watery eyes.