I will explain. First and foremost, there are somethings that you see in porn that exist only there. And it is a kink of only the man (occasionally woman) Directing the scene or movie.
Spitting in their mouth, is probably the rarest kink of all. That is overwhelmingly a MALE kink. It's a demonstration of power and it is about degrading the woman, and her (his) either by force or submission accepting the man. This is something an angry person has sexualized. They either hate themselves and get off by being humiliated and degraded, or they get off by humiliating and degrading someone else. See studies on sadism and/or masochism for more. Those kinks are heavily associated with that. (Commonly referred to as S and M, or when paired with Bondage. BDSM) FYI, Sadism and Masochism are also individual behavioral traits and are not always sexualized or sexual. A sexual sadist is not always dangerous, but a Sadist always is.
The other kinks you mentioned are FAR more common. They can enjoy these things in different ways. Sometimes it is just the physical sensation that turns them on. Sometimes it is JUST, or it is ALSO, the psychological aspect of one or all of these acts.
Hair pulling, if done exactly correct and in a specific way most women and people enjoy this sensation (or would if they tried receiving). This must be done at eh base of the skull, lightly with little pressure and escalating to a light firm hold.
(Still on hair pulling).
The women who truly enjoy it, must be okay with their hair being messed up. So, there will be some days where this would be a NO for them. And this the number one reason the majority of women reject any hair pulling.
Those who like to be dominated, like the hair pulling to be done at specific times in the build up to sex and during sex.
Spanking is probably the most commonly enjoyed of these. And it is mostly for the sensation. Again, during specific moments.
This might be limited to a single smack at just the right moment. To explain what the sensation does, many women, like their ass grabbed and squeezed and/or groped during an intimate moment. The nerves there, are close to their genitalia. And a light slap or a grope, (at varying levels) feels good. As far as psychology goes. These acts also demonstrate to the target your desire for the target physically manifested. Ether a way of saying you are mine in an affectionate way, or I want to take you now and even though we can't right now, if we could, I would.
Actual, put over the knee and spanking (or something similar). Sometimes it is about the sensation of pain (intensity will vary). Going from pain to pleasure, makes the pleasure more intense. Sometimes the target can go down a rabbit hole with these sensations and like a drug addict who needs more, goes more intense over time. (that's not very common though).
Sometimes, it is just about the power dynamic, sometimes it's both the power dynamic and physical feeling. It's being controlled and possessed, or being the one who is possessing and controlling.
Being possessed by someone can be very validating to the target. (I'll explain this now because these thoughts and feelings are usually associated with these kinks or acts) Just as possessing someone can be validating to the one doing it. The target is desirable enough for someone to want them so intensely, that this person physically makes it happen and demonstrates their need to do so.
The dominate party in the controlling/possession aspect, can feel different ways during the specific acts. But those feelings are always linked to making another submit, by the dominate party's value, or simply by their own will.
CHOKING.
Sometimes this is purely about the sensation. Timed correctly, lack of oxygen can intensify the pleasure of an orgasm. This is why so many people die by asphyxiation, even going to far as to hang themselves by a belt while masturbating. (I suggest sticking to just holding your breath.)
Sometimes it's about being dominated.
Sometimes it is a mix of both or just both.
Tying up, if you are the dominant party, it is about being in total control. And a part of the enjoyment of this, might be the simple validation that your partner trusts you completely. Or, might also be.
BEING TIED UP.
This is can be just one psychological aspect or it can blended with something i have yet to explain. By now, you know, it's demonstrated power and the validation the target feels when their partner desires them so much they want to be in total control.
But, the target (might) also like NOT being in control. They are not responsible for what happens next. The mind of a woman and their emotions are much more complex, than men. There are some kinks and debauched acts (dirty or perverted acts) they like and are ashamed that they enjoy them. When they are tied up they feel they have no choice, so they might as well enjoy it.
They might also, just like the feeling of simply not being in control and being restricted.
On a side note, if you read through all of this, during some of these explanations, the way I wrote them (in layman's terms) can also explain what goes through a predator's head. Whether it's a Sadist, rapist or child molester, these are how they justify their acts or feed their delusions.
So, to do any of these acts requires trust, BOTH ways. Communication surrounding kinks can be awkward, even for socially outgoing people. Women are almost always afraid to share their kinks. Even if they wouldn't feel embarrassed by liking something, they fear ANY type of rejection, more than any man.
The current political state in the West, both outward and expressed thoughts and findings, AND, inner thoughts and feelings, has groups and individuals denying simple truths and proven facts about the differences in the sexes. So, open and honest discussions are often taken over by Political Correctness.
Simply put, women are more emotional than men. And some women struggle with their emotions more than others.