>>4434 (OP)
there is no love in me. my parents were both cruel, conniving vultures who sold me and took my life away from me. i know what is inside, and there is nothing there. life is a bleeding pain that hasn't yet ended. i have reached a state where this does not bother me. here's how it goes, i'm paraphrasing subtle things here. "something is wrong! something is wrong! you're wrong! it doesn't work! there's no hope! you're stuck here! its too late!"; countless variations of such on repeat until these alarms no longer register because life has taken on a different shape and it no longer suits to dwell on the dead past, because to dwell in one place is to die there and become woven into the tapestry. so there is a dull pain, but it can become sharp again. so for a long time, the only thing that could make me feel "happy", or elated, or whatever, was to be pretty, to be worshiped for my features. indeed, i kept several suitors at once. would you not do the same? it is foolish to deny ourselves the unique benefits life gives us in deference of a delusive ideology of submission and "purity". this only ever leads to circular regrets. who wants to "hang out" and waste time doing nothing? oh yeah, we're going to die soon. its only a matter of time. did you know that death is right around the corner? unless you have coke. then we can go places. :)