>>12097
I was born with two disabilities, both of which would be discovered later in life. First Iām terribly dyslexic, second I have detrusor sphincter dyssynergia. Due to my unknown medical conditions, potty training didnāt really go as planned. Iām the oldest of 7 kids, I grow up Mormon in a VERY conservative Christian house. So by the time, I was 3 and still not āgettingā the potty training thing, my parents had enough!
My parents had a cycle every few months they would hang up the potty training chart with the idea that this month was going to be the month I was potty trained. At first, the chart would be used to reward me for not having accidents, after a few weeks of little to no improvement, it would turn into a punishment chart for my accidents. Again after a few weeks of little to no improvement my mother in frustration with throw in the towel and just put me back in diapers. Once again this did nothing so she resorted to humiliating me to try to get me to potty train. Inevitably I would hear the dreaded words "If you want to wet and mess yourself like a baby then you'll be treated like one".
For the next few days, weeks, sometimes months or so I would be treated just like I was a two-year-old. I would have to wear diapers full time and would have to use them for their full intended purpose (no toilet). I'd be dressed as a toddler in onesies, footies, rompers, pants with snap in the crotch for easy diaper changes, all in nursery prints, sown especially for me and my mother and my aunt. I would have to eat in a high chair, drink from bottles or sippy cups, and be put to bed in a crib. My father was a carpenter (Cabinetry Finisher) and my highchair, crib, and playpen were all made by him.
My ābabyā humiliation and punishment would last a few days to a few months at the longest. I think they would just get sick of changing dirty diapers on an older kid and give up. I would go back to just wearing training pants during the day, or having plastic pants over my underwear. At night I would be diapered before bed. Things would go this way until once again a month or so down the road, my parents would wake up with a wild hair up their ass and the whole thing started over again. Once again in new potty train chart would be hung on the fridge and the whole cycle would repeat itself.
That's some background leading to the first time I masturbation. It was a summer afternoon, I was once again being punished. I was around 6yo at the time, I was being forced to take an afternoon nap, as toddlers do. My mother had just changed me and put me in the crib for my nap. I was never tired and always hated having to lay there for an hour till she'd come to get me. But if I got out of the crib I would be given a good spanking. It was a particularly hot day so I was just wearing a t-shirt and diaper.
I had one of those rocking horses as a kid with a metal frame and springs, I loved that thing and always fancied myself a cowboy. Much of my play around that time revolved around me being a cowboy. There are these keys made by little tike for teething. I'm sure you've seen them before I think every house in America that had kids had one, was a white or blue ring with keys of different colors. Anyway, some were on the floor near my crib, I knew there was no way could reach them, but dreamed up a great story about how I was a cowboy being kept in this cage. If I didn't get out my captors would burn me at the stake. I was reaching through the bars trying to grab the keys, again knowing full well there's no way I could reach them. Lying on my stomach with my arm outstretched through the bars I started pushing with my feet against the bottom wall of the crib. Rocking myself back and forth as I tried desperately to reach the keys to free myself before I was burned at the stake.
Rubbing the front of the diaper felt really good after a few minutes, then really REALLY good, then HOLY CRAP! At the time I didn't know I was masturbating but after the HOLY CRAP part, I felt very relaxed and tired and quickly fell asleep. Whenever this thing was it felt really good and being tired and able to quickly fall asleep afterward was a bonus! So I did it often to kill time while being forced to take a nap or having an early bedtime. I got caught a few times but being a conservative Christian house, we NEVER talked about anything sexual. My mother would just get mad and threaten to cut off my dick if she caught me again. I was also called a sicko and pervert. So I just did that thing that felt REALLY good at night or alone, I didnāt even know I was masturbating.
As I said I'm also very dyslexic, unfortunately, I did a great job of hiding this as a young child. I'm incredibly intelligent and was able to memorize all the books my parents read to me page by page. Because of this, I could easily recite the book back page by page and so everyone thought I was reading it. It wasn't until school (around third grade) that people start to suspect I couldn't read. Prior to this, I was labeled as being lazy, people could tell I was highly intelligent but figured I just wasn't trying. This didn't help my situation at home with the bed and pants wetting. It was during these years of my life (6yo-9yo) my parents really stepped up the humiliation and baby punishment on the grounds of "well obviously he's just lazy, if he really wanted to he'd stop wetting and messing his bed and pants". So I had lots of diapered naps and bedtimes that started with me masturbating by me rubbing the front of my diaper.
At nine they finally found out I was dyslexic, and they stopped buying a lot of the school's BS about me just being lazy. They also laid off the diaper punishment a little too, it still happened but not as often. I got caught again masturbating at 10 and that was the first time I was told I was masterbating. The last time I was diaper punished was 12 my parents had laid off punishing me a bit for the wetting. But I still had the occasional pooping accident, and EVERY TIME I did I knew I'd be back in full toddler mode for at least a week if not longer. This time it was at my dad's parents, my grandparent's house. My grandma mentioned to my mom that since they had just found my dyslexia not too long ago. Maybe there was a medical reason for my wetting and messing. I was diagnosed with detrusor sphincter dyssynergia or DSD. They also found my bowel was only about 60% of what it should be.
My parents especially my mother felt so bad about all the years of punishing and humiliating me over it. She still feels really guilty about it today, to the point she's blocked some of it out. SO my baby clothes all disappeared as did the crib, highchair, and playpen and I got to sleep on the top of a new bunk bed. I was still in training pants during the day and diapered at bedtime. BUT mom was more understanding about it.
As I hit puberty quickly I realized when listening to classmates that the things I found sexual were not the things they found sexual. And that the things they found sexual didn't turn me on at all. I found the things I use to HATE to be strangely arousing, I thought I was some type of pervert or worse a pedo.
Eventually I learned I wasn't a freak that others like diapers and being babied. I learned I had a diaper fetish and that was ok. That all said my sexuality has been heavily shaped by my early childhood experiences and diapers.