>Well boys it's been 10 years. Do you remember the good ol' days?
Sadly.
>Where have you been?
College, dropout, moved out, working, contemplating suicide. Posting here.
>Where are you going?
Home in about six hours. Nowhere fast. I feel trapped and want to rip myself out of the world and feel something again.
>Why are you awake at four in the morning making chocolate pudding?
Because I've lost control of my life. Seriously, the last couple years have been so bad I've gotten to drinking about a six pack a day, blacking out some nights, dissociating and imagining all the ways my life went wrong and could have meant something and it feels like my 20s blinked by: graduation, college, job, lockdown, relationship, breakup, total burnout and no time or energy for anything anymore. Just pain and numbness. Life is unfair, and everything has been. It feels like the world should have ended a long time ago.